Newspaper Page Text
THE .H.ID ENGINEER.
“ wi.utr
i ho speaker was a ynuntj man, and
as lie s|M)ke he leaped from his chair.
Two men had been conversing in the
same apartment, and the young man's
exclamation had been caused by some
thing which he had heard them say.
"O. yes.” said one, ” she is to lie
married to-morrow night, and it will Ir>
the most excellent combination of
wealth and beauty ever seen in this
part of the world.”
•• Hut Wiggles is such a numbskull.”
•• Hut Wiggles is wealthy, and what
more ought a young girl like Irene Mal
travers to desire!”
By this time the young man had
passed out. One of the speakers touched
the other.
•• Do you know that young man?”
” No, indeed, not l; who is he?”
‘•That’s young Ned Alford."
“ The dickens!”
“ You know he has been in love with
Irene for this ever so long. He come 9
up from New York every quarter to see
her. 1 wonder how lie'll take this?"
“Why did her father turn the girl
over to Wiggles if she was engaged?"
“Oh, he wouldn’t give a ilg for en
gagements. lie's a surly, crusty old
fellow, and don’t understand anybody's
wishes but his own." As the men spoke
they went out.
Mr. Wiggles, the bridegroom, lived
in a little town connected by railroad
with Bainsford. and not more than fifty
miles away. Early on the appointed
morning he might have been seen wend
ing his way to the railway station. As
he approached an engine driver came
up.
“ Hound to Bainsford, sir? ’
“ Yes, sir."
•• Ah, then, you're the gentleman.
There's no passenger train to-dav, sir—
won’t run till midnight, sir. The di
rector of this road told me. sir, to be
sure and get a locomotive ready for you
to take you there."
“ Why, isn't there a car?" said Wig
gles, as the man pointed to the puffing
and snorting machine.
“ Please sir, no sir, there are no cars,
only this locomotive."
“ Humph!" exclaimed Wiggles, sol
emnly, “I suppose 1 must go.”
The man put his carpet-bag in. got
m himself, touched a crank, and with a
puli'and snort away went the engine.
Mr. Wiggles at first felt a little flur
ried, but after a few moments lie grew
accustomed to the novelty of his situ
ation, and amused himself by watching
the scenery. As he looked at the land
scape and noticed the telegraph posts
one after the other flashing past, the
strange thought occurred to his mind
that he was travelling at a most fear
fully rapid pace, lie, therefore, touched
the engineer's arm, and prepared to
speak. What was Wiggles' surprise at
seeing the engineer turn and make a
hideous grimace. He laughed in a
sicklv manner.
“ Friend," he cried, “ ain't we going
rather fast?”
The friend rolled tip his eyes t ill only
the whites were visible. After this he
turned the lips over so that a hideous
red margin appeared over the whites.
•• Good Lord !” cried Wiggles, “ the
man is crazy!”
Suddenly the man commenced danc
ing violently. Then he sprang on the
back of the engine, and standing on his
head he put his heels against tlie tunnel
and stared at Wiggles. After this he
came back.
“ We'll soon be there,” he said.
*• Where?” gasped Wiggles.
In New York.”
“ New York !”
•• They've got an air line from there
to Raimsbury. It goes through the air.
We go thump against the depot, and we
vanish. Last time I went to Rauns
bury I went straight on the regular
track; this time I'm going to try the
airline. Hey?”
He poked Wiggles in the ribs. Wig
gles was so paralyzed by fear that he
could not utter a word.
*• Perhaps, though, we had better not
wait till we get into the depot. Per
haps we had better run into the next
train, or go off the track now. So
Suiting the action to the word, the
man gave a tremendous pull at the
crank.
Wiggles did not wait for the catas
trophe. He fainted.
That night the house of Squire Mal
travers was crowded witli guests. In
vited to the wedding they had come,
expecting to enjoy the most brilliant
marriage festival ever seen in this part
of the world.
Hut the squire wore no smile on his
face. 'Fhc bridegroom had been ex
pected at noon. • lie had not only not
come at noon, but at dusk he still was
absent. Unable to contain himself, the
squire rode out to the station, lo his
horror no Wiggles came.
Perhaps Wiggles had arrived, and
was already in the house. In vain. On
his arrival there, the first person whom
he met asked him where was Wiggles.
Wiggles was not to be found.
‘•'Flow unfortunate," said they all.
“ The scoundrel!” cried the squire,
enraged at the disappointment.
•• It’s my opinion that he has in
tended this all along," said the bride,
who, by the way supported herself with
wonderfnl fortitude.
This remark stung the squire to the
quick, “By Jove, I'll have revenge on
the rascal. I’ll- ”
But the squire was interrupted by
the entrance of a young man, who
walked straight up to him and bowed
re-poet fully.
I *• Alford?" oxclaitm!* the squire.
dioubWullv.
VOL. II—NO. IC*.
“Mr. Maltravers," said be, “you
never felt any particular Affection for
me. but |*erhnpsyou won't object to act
reasonably now. Here you arc put in
an awkward place through that villain
Wiggles. Now, 1 loved your daughter
long ago. and we have been engaged.
You hail no right to overtook me and
give her to a fellow who doesn't care a
pin for anybody but himself. The
company arc wondering below—the
bride is waiting—the wedding must go
on. Let me be the bridegroom."
The squire did not get angry. He
did not even pause to consider. He
seized Alford's hand, slapped his back,
and to the astonishment of all present,
cried out:
“ Alford my lad, take her. Blow me
if I ain't glad that cursed nincompoop
didn't come. You arc worth ten such
fellows as he. Come along. Irene, dear,
you won’t object, I know. Come along.
Alford, give her your arm, you dog you.
Come.”
And the bluff old squire, heading the
procession, advanced into the midst of
the astounded company. A few words
explained all. To the honor of human
nature, the whole house rang with ap
plause. The ceremony was short but
decisive, and the enthusiastic company
could hardly wait for it to be over. As
the last amen was said, every soul
crowded up to congratulate the happy
pair.
It leaked out in the course of a
month, long after Alford and his bride
had settled in New York, that the mad
engineer was an old friend, who decoyed
Wiggles into a car. that he merely car
ried him off to the other end of the line,
where the locomotive was wanted, and
that his mad gestures were all dis
sembled.
The Wrong Bottle.
From San Francisco comes a ease
wholly sui generis—unmatched, so far i
as we know : in his history of suicides.
A forlorn wife, burdened with domes
tic cares and disgusted with life, de
termined to depart for a better world,
and took for that purpose a bottle of
corrosive sublimate from the closet
where the family drugs was kept. Com
posing herself carefully on the bed, she
drained at one gulp a huge goblet full,
dropped the glass to the floor, and then
folded her hands on her breast, await
ing death. She had anticipated the
most excruciating pain, as the terrible
corrosive substance should act upon her
inwards, and marveled greatly to find
instead a sensation of delicious bliss
stealing over iier whole system. Her
spirit was wonderfully exalted, her
visions rose and roamed at will through
nil tiie gladsome memories of her hap
py past. It seemed to her as if the
veil of the future life was rent, and
that her spirit already floated in para
dise. “ I had not dreamed,” said she,
speaking with difficult}’, for her voice
was failing fast, and her utterance was
dogged. “ I had not dreamed that
death was so eashy. Oh Death ! where
ish thy sting? Oh grave ish victory?'
At this juncture her husband suddenly
entered, and exclaimed:
•• What in the creation are you do
ing. Molly? What is your face so red
about?” “ Goo'by, Richard. Goin'
die. Mosein in heaven ready. Taken
croshsive subtl'te Forgive you every
thing,"
“ Corrosive thunder." exclaimed the
unfeeling spouse, “ Why that's ten dol
lar brandy. I stuck that label on ’cause
l knew you would drink it if 1 didn't."
Let's drop a veil over the touching
scene. The wife has concluded to live,
but still insists that she was in para
dise.
“ 1\ IV. Poison.”
Detroit Free Vre**.
Women can't read a boy’s nature as
men can, and they might as well own to
it. The Sibley street mother who yes
terday sent her bov to a drug store with
a bottle and a scaled note imagined that
she was sharper than the serpent’s tooth
when she wrote to the druggist: “ Send
me half a pint of port wine, and write
on the label ‘P. W —Poison.’” The
druggist followed orders, and when the
hoy got outside he tore oil' the wrapper
and read the label:
“P. W. —poison,” he mused, as lie
walked along —“wonder what that is?
P. W. doesn’t stand for bed-bugs, and
1 know it, and it doesn't mean rat®,
cither. P. W. can’t be hair-dve, nor
scalp-wash, and I’m going to touch my
tongue to it.”
He touched. It tasted so good that
lie took a sip, and meeting three or four
boys just then, the crowd entered a
1 umber-vurd and P. W.VI the contents
of that bottle till only a gill was left.
Then one of the lads ran home after a
dipper of water, filled up the bottle, and
the Sibley street boy trotted homewards,
whispering:
“ P. W. means purtey weak, and if
she finds it so she musu’t blame nobody
but the druggist.”
“Master at home?” “No, sir, he s
out.” " Mistress home?” “ No, sir, she’s
out.” “ Then 111 step in and sit by
ihr; (ire.” " That’s out too, -Jr.”
HARTWELL, (5A., WEDNESDAY. DECEMBER l’>, 1877.
The Education of the I*resldents.
The Syracuse University llrrnitl has
made up the following, table of 1 “resi
dents and their places of education,
which is of interest:
Washington—(food English education,
but never studied the ancient languages.
Adams—Harvard.
Jefferson —William and Mary.
M udisou— Princeton.
Monroe —William and Mary.
Adams —J. Q.—Harvard.
Jackson—Limited education.
Van Huron —Academic education.
Harrison—Hampden Sidney College.
Tyler—William and Mary.
Polk—University of North Carolina.
Taylor—Slightest rudiments.
Fillmore—Not liberally educated.
Pierce —Bowdoin.
Buchanan —Dickinson.
Lincoln—Education very limited.
Johnson —Self educated.
Grant—-West Point.
Monroe And Harrison did not gradu
ate. Monroe left college to join the
revolutionary army. Financial reverses
deprived Harrison of a full course.
Folk was the oldest when graduating,
being 23 ; Tvler, the youngest, 17. The
majority graduated at 20. this being the
average age. Jefferson probably bad
the most liberal education and broad
est culture. If is said that bis range of
knowledge would compare favorably
with that of Burke. The drill at West
Point may be considered equal to a
college course, and in many respects
superior. In discipline and mathe
matical training, it is not equalled by
any American college. Counting Gen
eral Grant, two-thirds of our Presidents
have been college men. To be sure,
the two whose names have become
household words, 'Washington, the
Father, and Lincoln, the Martyr, were
not liberally educated ; but theirs were
special missions. They live in the af
fections of the nation rather than in the
intellect, as embodied in the Constitu
tion and laws. Theirs was to execute,
not to mould.
A Hard Head.
Xctc York Time*.
When the present illustrious Captain
Riggan was a mere boy, his father owned a
merino ram that was known far ami near
for the excessive hardness of his skull,
and the terriblencss of his butting quali
ties. Captain Riggan took butting lessons
for six years under that rani Never did
tutor turn forth a more finished pupil. But
the scholar at length proved too much for
the master.
Young Riggan was in the habit of going
olf to a meadow every morning and having
a “set to” with that old ram. fine day
he went out, as usual, and seeing a large
crack in the meadow fence, he stuck his
head through, and bleated. That made
the old ram rambunctious, and he fetched
a butt at Riggan's head. But Riggan
quickly drew back, and let the ram rain
his rampant head ram up against the
fence.
Young Riggan was delighted with the
trick and repeated it several times, to the
great discomfiture of his ramship.
But it happened that the crack in the
fence was not the same size all the way
along the panncl, and so. one time, Riggan
got his head through and wiggled his neck
into a narrower part of the crack before
he bleated. The fierce merino caine charg
ing down upon him, and Riggan tried to
withdraw his cranium as lie had done be
fore. But his cranium wouldn't withdraw.
The old ram had him dead.
There was no one stirring in that part
ef the farm. It was about ten o'bloek in
the morning, and from that hour till four
in the afternoon not a sound broke the
monotonous stillness of the lonely spot
except the regularly repeated blow* of the
ram's skull against Riggan's. Then there
was silence. No one at the house knew
where the youngster was. They missed
him at dinner, and searched for him every
where until supper time. Then they found
him. He was lying with his head still
through the crack of the fence—and sound
asleep. -lust on the other side of the fence
lay the old merino ram—stone dead ! He
had butted himself to deatli against the
adunmtine skull.
A good story is told of :i country
merchant who agreed to take n fanner's
oats at forty cents a bushel if the latter
would let him tramp the measure when
filled. The farmer agreed to it. The
buyer paid for sixty bushels, and the
next day went after them. The farmer
filled the half bushel, and then the mer
chant got in and tramped them down.
Whereupon the farmer poured the com
pressed oats into the bag. The mer
chant protested, demanded that the
measure should lie filled tip alter tramp
ing. The farmer informed him that
there was no agreement of that sort,
but that he might tramp down the oats
to his heart’s content, after they were
measured.
A young beau, at his sister's evening
party, began to sing, “ Why am I so weak
and weary?” when a little brother brought
the performance to a sudden close by yel
ling out: “Aunt Mary says it’s cause
you cotnc home so iatc and drunk most
I every night
Dutchman's Catechism.
The following from the Time* will be
appreciated by the brethren of the mys
tic tie It won’t be worth the while for
any one else to attempt to extract the
fiin from it: Saturday Constable Bo
wen found the bovs in high glee over
the sport they were having with a cliup
on State street, who was making des
perate eflbrts to prevent the road from
flying up in his face. Marching him to
jail . the officer waited until Monday
mottling, and then “Sow" came before
Require Stearns and took a chair. The
following dialogue then occurred:
“From whence came you?"
‘'Veil, I vas been from der city New
York ofer die New Jerusalem.”
“ What came you here to do?”
“I learn to subdue mine abbitites, an’
imbroof myself in brinting.”
“ Then you arc a printer, l presume?"
“Yaw, I’m so tooken by all of dor
fellers."
“ Where were you made a printer?”
“Auf a regular Scandinavian brintng
office."
“ How gained you admission to this
city ?”
“ Bv good many long walks.”
“How were you received?"
‘ By a Germant frient, mit a glass
beer.”
“ How did your friend dispose of you?"
“Oh, he dook me doo tree times the
city round, mit saloons in der south, mid
tier west, and east, and den de officer
rooms.”
“ What did the officer do with you?”
“ He daught me der way to dor jail
in der east until my shteps was more
upright un regular as before.”
“ Will you he off or from?"
“ Veil, ofer you should hlease, Square,
I'll he off right away, quick."
“ Why do you leave the east and go
west ?"
“ In search of work.”
“ Work being the object of your
search, you will descend a flight of dirty
stairs, consisting of some five or several
steps: turn square about, get on the
level road, put out of the city, and
make a plumb line for Chicago, where
! the wicked are always troublesome and
, the weary are as bad as the rest." And
Sev. Yeinoug is on his way to Chicago.
lion Ho Judged Hie Town.
About a week ago, says the Jefferson ,
City (Mo). Journal, a gentleman from Ten
nessee. representing a capital of $30,000, in ;
search of a location at which to engage in :
business, gave us a call, and after stating |
his mission “ West,” asked to look at our
paper. Wo handed him the morning
Journal. To our surprise, lie did not stop
to read our newsy local “pick ups,” or
our attractive editorial page, hut he turn
ed at once to the advertising columns and
commenced counting their spaces.
“ Well,” said he. glancing up from the
paper, “is that all? Is that the business
of this town ?”
“ Oh, no,” said we, “here is the Tri
bune with a few advertisements that do
not appear in the Journal.''
He then counted two additional local
business advertisements in the Tribune.
and ugain looked up with the remark :
•• A ltd that is all, is it ? Why you havn't j
got near as much of a town as 1 thought
you had.”
And then we explained to him that we
have a great many business men who do
not advertise.
“ They are not business men to hurt if
they don’t advertise,” was his answer.
We could not contradict him. and wore
powerless to vindicate the “ claims of the
city.”
He left tis saying if he had time lie
would look around, but be thought this
was no plnce for him.
—.— mm
A Sacred Old Relic.
Detroit Flee Fret*
A colored man yesterday turned auc
tioneer to work off’ two old stoves for a
dealer on Gratiot avenue. One was sold
without trouble, but as the other “held
over ” on him, lie mounted a barrel and
began :
*• Geni’len and women, dis ycre stove
was oncede property of George W ashing- 1
ton.”
A laugh of derision greeted his state
ment. Singling out the biggest man in the
crowd, the auctioneer asked :
“ Doan’ you believe dot George Wash
ington once owned dis yere stove?”
•• No, sir.”
•• Hat's de same as callin’ me a liah, salt,
and you'll hcv to chaw detn words, salt.”
He jumped down and waltzed over to
the stranger, but was knocked down in a
York minute. That was plenty for him,
and after feeling of his head to see how
much of it was left, he mounted the bar
rel and called out:
“ How much do I heah for dis stove—
oncede property of Gin'ral Grant! Dc
stove dat Washington owned was busted
up doorin’ de war !”
The messenger with a respite from the
Governor in the case of Walter Riley, a
convicted murderer, in DeKalb, Miss., ar
rived after the procession had started for
i the gallon s. A large crow dw as follow ing
the prisoner, against whom public feelings
ran high, and the sheriff knew that the ex
ecution would be performed by a mob if
the respite became known. Therefore he
whipped up the horses attached (o the
wagon in which Riley was riding, distanced
the people, and got safely haek to jail.
Smith hns lutd a scene at the club with
another gentleman of a peppery disposi
sition; blows and cards have been ex
changed, a duel has been agreed upon,
and lie returns to break the news to his
wife.
“ Miserable man !" she cried, in an ex
cess of emotion, “ would you go forth and
light and he brought haek to me. all shot
full of holes and having your life blood
spilled over the carpet y What would be
come of me if you were killed ? The light
of luy life would be quenched in ravless
gloom, and I would he reduced to w ant
and misery because nil the fortune be
longs to you, and as you have made no
will, when you are killed all the property
will go to those miserable brats of
neph ”
“ Hold !" cries the husband. 44 l>o not
accuse wrongfully. I have thought of ev
ery contingency and arranged to secure
your happiness. Should I tall all my
property will become yourji. Sec! Here
is my will, duly signed sealed and de
livered.”
The young wife seizes it, runs over its
contents with anxious eyes, puts the pre
cious document in her pocket, and then
with the air of a Spartan matron says :
••Go! Avenge your insulted honor.
Go to tight if needs he, to fall.”
Here is a sensation from the Wash
ington correspondents of the (‘ineiimnti
Enquirer: “The rupture between the
Republicans and Hayes is so complete
that one Senator said to-day lie would
make a prediction that within four
months Samuel J. Tilden would he
President of the United States. Asked
how this could possibly bo, he said that
the last House, after accepting the elec
toral tribunal’s report, passed an over
whelming resolution that Tilden had
been elected President of the United
States. 4 We also know,’ he said, 4 thut
Tilden took the oath of office before a
qualified magistrate in New York.
Now, suppose the Senate passed a reso
lution accordant w ith that of the House,
acknowledging Tilden to he President,
and at once we go into executive session
and confirm Tilden’s cabinet. Won’t
that be a resolution, complete and
silent?’ The same Senator argued
that Democratic opinion would act
upon enough Democrats in the Senate
and Congress to bring this about if it
came to he a scheme. Emissaries act
ing in Mr. Tilden’s name are in this
city taking advantage of the present re
markable situation.’’
“ See here, Parker, what’s the differ
ence between a ripe watermelon and a
rotten cabbage?” asked one letter-car
rier of another the other day.
“ You’ve got me there. 1 don’t know,"
lie returned, with a hs>k more puzzled
than an illiterate man at a cross-roads
guide-board.
"Then you’d be a mighty nice man
to send after a watermelon, you would,"
remarked the quizzer as he moved on.—
Cincinnati Jlreakfant Table.
Five and one-half miles of the Green
wood brunch of the Augusta, Knoxville
and (ireenwood Railroad tire already
graded. 'Hie town of Anderson, S. C.,
has voted $50,000, the townships of An
demon County over SIOO,OOO, in all
8250,000, for anew road front Ander
son to Dorn’s Mines, where it will con
nect with the Augusta and Greenwood
Railroad. A corps of engineers have
reached Augusta and begun the survey
of the Augusta end of tins road.
A frightful death occurred Friday
night, in Columbus. The first intima
tion which the victim’s friends had of
bis sad fate was to find the laxly hamr
ing cold and stiff, from which his vitali
ty had long since taken its flight, pro
bably to the “deinnition bow-wows.”
The deceased had many friends, and
was regarded by the neighborhood as
one of the finest dogs in the city.
“ Whenever you see in a story,” says
a book-reviewer in one of the literary
papers. “ such an expression as ‘ I vow
I will,’ or ‘ 1 vow I won’t,’ you may
know that a woman wrote it.” Yes,
the rule is infallible. And the fact is
quite as remarkable, bs>, that when you
find in a story such an expression as
“ darnphi do," fir “ dainphi don't,” you
may know that, a woman didn't write it.
I declare, in the name of Almighty God,
that no inan lias the right to be wortli
sloo.ooo,ooo.— Talmage. We declare, with
a full realization of the awful enormity of
the offence of trying to come in on brother
Talmage, that we arc not guilty.— Worces
ter Frees.
An exchange says ; ‘ We arc in re
ceipt of two poems, one, on the “Throb
bing Brain,’ and another on a • Bleed
ing Heart.’ We will wait until we re
ceive one on the ‘ Stomach ache,' and
publish all three together.”
Gold was discovered in California in
ISIS.
WHOLE NO. 08.
THE PERILS OF CHESTNUTfINU.
Ihv CnroinrortabU 'i* <** ltrtrlnjr
Ulrl null n Mo<ll Van#* .Wnil.
There is rather more burr about a chest
nut in its natural state than seems really
necessary, and there is no doubt that if
, the chestnut* were to grow on one tree
and the burrs on another, it would be a
more generally satisfactory arrangement.
Still the boy who lias climbed to the top
most branch of a chestnut tree, amt sees
approaching in the distance the angry own
er, accompanied by a large club and a sav
age dog, will hastily fill the front of his
jacket with unopened burrs, and grind
them Dgniust his body as he slides down
the tree.
It cannot be denied that the female sex
is virtually shut out from that pursuit.
To gather chestnuts successfully involves
climbing trees, and the mature woman or
the full-grown girl rarely cares to incur
the risks which are inaeporable from climb
ing in the present fashion of lenialc dress.
Nevertheless, there are infrequent and ex
ceptionally daring girls wlm indulge in the
hazardous amusement of secret chestnut
ting, ami the experience of a Massachu
setts young lady who recently climbed a
chestnut tree in Berkshire County is
worth narrating.
The young lady in question was remark
ably beautiful, and was the object of the
devoted attachment of two locol young
men, one of whom was a model of all pos
sible virtues, while the other was a bold,
bad youth, who was know n to be in the.
habit of smoking, and who was currently
believed to lmvc more than once visited a
| cirens. Early in October this estimable
young lady suborned her younger brother
-aged ten —to accompany her on a clan
destine chestnut bunting expedition. With
the aid of a fence-rail and a zealous 44 boos
ting " of her brother, site succeeded in
reaching the lowest branch, from which
her progress was easy.
Pleased with her success, she soon grew
careless, and filially ventured out upon a
limb until it bent under her weight. Be
i coming frightened, she lost her presence of
mind and her hold, and suddenly fell.
Fortunately, she did not fall far. for her
skirts caught in the fork of n limb and
suspended her between heaven and earth
in the attitude of an umbrella which has
struggled with a violent gust of wind and
experienced a reverse. Her voice, though
somewhat smothered by the peculiarities
of her situation, could be easily heard by
her astonished brother, and in accordance
with her calm directions, that devoted
siiihll boy instantly lied for help.
Now, it so happened that each of the
j voung Indy’s lovers had noticed her as she
started Trom home in company with her
brother, and each had independently de
termined to meet her as if by accident.
Thus it fell out that the first portion the
small boy met as he rushed along the road
wns the mild youth man, lie listened to his
incoherent tale and hastened to the rescue.
! No sooner, however, did he come within
sight of the tree than he promptly paused,
turned his hack upon the object of Ids
ndoratim, and in a faltering voice explain
ed to the small boy that he thought bis sis
ter would not care to have him help her,
but would prefer the assistance of u vague
1 servant girl, in search of whom he pro-
I fessed himself ready to start.
The small hoy having no sense of deli
cacy whatever, called the good young man
names and said he was afraid to climb a
tree, but failed to shake his resolution.
So the latter started on a run to find his
hypothetic servant girl, and unlike Lot’s
wife, refused to look back, though the in
dignant small boy sent a shower of stones
after him. Meanwhile the bold bad young
man was approaching the scene of action
" cross-lots "at the top ot his speed. His
iron nerves did not falter even when he
reached the tree that temporarily bore sucli
marvelous fruit. Requesting the young
lady to calm herself and trust him to res
cue her, he armed her brother with a knife
and instructed him to climb the tree and
cut. Ins sister loose.
The small boy bailing with delight the
opportunity to cut something, did as he
was bid. and in a few moments, amid the
noise of rending garments, the young lady
dropped safely into the bold, bad young
lover's extended arms. Half un hour af
terward eleven women, bearing live step
ladders, approached the tree, while the
good young man waited behind the bushes
to receive his rescued mistress. It is need
less to say that he was disappointed, ami
his disappointment was still greater when
he wns subsequently told that she was to
be married at an early day to his bold, bad
rival. Thus we see that, as Solomon
might have said, there is a time for step
ladders and a time for decided action, and
that the bold young man gathers his bride
from a chestnut troo, while tho simple
minded man flees afar off and howls for
servant girls who are useless, and for step
ladders which satisficth not.
A Kentucky man who wont to the Black
Hills wrote back to a local paper, say
ing :
•• Offer a premium at your coming fair
for the biggest fool in the country, and
I'll try and get there in time.”
A little boy was asked if he knew
where the wicked finally went to. He
answered that they practiced law here
awhile, and then go to the Legislature.
“.lames William, when you were in
the South, did von happen to see such
a thing as a woolen mill?” “O yes,
sir. I often saw the darkies fighting.”
The agricultural population of Geor
gia is 900,000 souls, and the number of
acres in cultivation is a trifle over
000,000.
Hurrah for Franklin County !