Newspaper Page Text
JOE BAUGHN AS CENSUS TAKER.
Hit t:*f>.Ttnro with an Old Maid.
OijlttAorpt A'eA*
Last week Joe Baughn, weighed down
With the honors clinging to the offloe of
census enumerator, put a pint of sweet
mash in one pocket and his papers in
the other, and mounting his mare start
ed out Lumpiest of information.
e IfAs nJtendheon* weddad to
anything but Blasey’i corn, and hence
is as innocent as an unshorn lamb about
those charming mysteries surrounding
the female element—particularly that
class denominated •“old maids.” He
views women through a bar-room glass,
and feels assured that they improve
with old age, and thinks when he tells
them that they ftppeaepnuch older than
their routed age lie is touching the ten
derest chord of flattery. But the eyes
of our friend have been scratched open
and lie is now chewing the cud of a
bitter experience. ' iI V
It? pnracl About in this way. On Joe’s
first day <ttw lie tackled a festive female
of 37 summers, who had never as yet
had an opportunity to run her skinny
neck into the silken noose of matri
mony. But the abiding faitli of this
old gal was wonderful, and when she
saw Col. B. ride up and dismount,
Miss Betty Hopeful felt that her affini
t}' had arrived. She had known Joe
for years hy sight and her sharp grey
eyes had detected him more than once
gazing upon her during divine service.
This was true, but our friend had only
been attracted by the striking resem
blance between Miss Betty’s neck and
that of his favorite bottle at Young’s.
When the enumerator rapped at the
door the spinster was there to open it,
and welcomed him with a smile that
bore a strong resemblance to a withered
sunflower. Joseph did not much like
the encouraging and confiding manner
in which this over-zealous female invi
ted him to be seated, and visions of
leap-year and breach of promise suits
began to dawn upon him.
“Is your father at home ?” he timid
ly asked, drawing out his pen and
paper.
“ We are all alone—so you need not
bother to write your questions,” was
the.blusbing reply, as she edged her
chair a bit nearer.
“ Y-e-s-’m, but I wanted to see him
abou—”
“ Oh ! papa has always thought a deal
of you, Mr. Baughn, and I am sure he
would acquiesce in my preference.”
“ But I want to find out about his
farm,” persisted Joe, growing red in the
face.
“ Oh, you mercenary man! Why
papa always,does a good part by his
children. Uncle Jim lives on the land
he intends to give me.”
“ And about l> ia ***ik °7>p ( and
children S * *
“ f declare ! What curiosity you men
have. Why papa intends to give us a
nice start.”
“ But you don’t understand me,” al
most shrieked Joe; “ I am a census
taker, and the law requires me to find
out these questions.”
The female was keen and saw at a
glance that she had counted without her
host, but thought it would not come
amiss to play a few cards.
“ I perfectly understand that, Mr.
Baughn, 'but you sec papa is not at
home afid I must answer your questions.
Of course you must stay to dinner.”
Being thus reassured our friend
promised, and while waiting he brought
out his papersaiul began:
“ Ilow many acres on this place !
“ Let me see—there are 20 in the
gin-house field, about 45 in the big bot
tom, and then he sold 225 to Mr. M.,
and—well, I declare I don’t know.”
“ Ilow much corn, cotton, etc., did he
raise last year ?”
“ I heard him say, but I forgot. You
can look at the corn in the crib and see
for yourself. It's been used from.”
Seeing that his fair informant knew
nothing about the farm, Joe decided to
try her on household matters.
“ Ilow many children are there in the
family?”
“ There’s Johnnie, who died with—”
I mean how many alive now ?”
“ Well,” Mis 9 Betty continued, coun
ting on her fingers ; “ there’s sister
Sue, who married Mr. Jones and moved
to Missis —”
“ But you don't understand me,” per
sisted Joe. “It is only the names of
those now living here that I want, and
their ages.”
“The ages! Why have you got
down Nancy Brown’s age? Do let me
see it.”
The paper was turned over to her.
“ Why, just to think here she’s gone
and made you put her down only 22,
when everybody knows she will never
see 3(i again. You ought to take the
pen and change it right now.”
* 1 will write down your name now,
Miss Betty, llow old are you ?”
<< if you are going to let that Nance
Brown pass for 22, you can put me
down 13 in September."
But that is not your age, and the
law requires me to be correct,”
“ How old do you take me for ?” she
asked, with a winsome smile,
“ I don’t care to take you at any age,
but judging by outward signs, I would
say you are not far from 45, Am I
right?”
A single glance into the spinster’s
face showed him that he was all wrong.
Towering with rage she poured upon
the head of the enumerator her biggest
vial of wrath:
“Yes, you saffron-hearted, lantern
jawed old whisky faucet; you imagine
everybody is as old and ugly as your
self. Clear out of this bouse, for you
The JLlabtwell Sun.
Bv BENSON & McGill.
VOL. IV—NO. II
don’t get no census here as long as my
head’s warm. You can go back to them
Browns, that you are so quick to lie
for, and get your dinner. If pa was
here he’d show you how to sneak round
insulting ladies. Clear out, I say, be
fore I show you how many dogs we’ve
got, you dirty-footed old gutter-snipe !
Don’t you hear me —tramp, I say!”
Joe has written to the Supervisor that
there is one house he does not think it
advisable for him to attempt to take,
and to know if he can’t trade off the
(Hade district for one in which there are
no old maids.
Some Chinese Delicacies.
Archdeacon John Henry Gray was
the British Chaplain at Hong Kong
from 1851 to 1877, and during his long
residence in the country acquired the
spoken language of the people and be
came more conversant with the Empire
in the neighborhood of Canton than any
other foreigner. The result of his ob
servations was embodied in a work on
“China: A History of the Laws, Man
ners and Customs of the People.” His
wife has now published a volume of
her letters home, during the period of
her residence at Canton, in which,
while describing very much the same
things that are discussed in her hus
band’s book, she has managed to invest
them with new interest, and to render
the information conveyed by them val
uable not only for its own merit, but
also as complimentary to the work of
the good Archdeacon. In one of Mrs.
Gray’s letters she gives a graphic ac
count of how she was led to partake of
what Chinese epicureans would consid
er great luxuries. She says : “ I have
been a victim of a wicked conspiracy
on the part of my husband and the ser
vants. You will learn from my last
letter that I could not be prevailed up-
on to taste the delicacies of cat, dog.
and rat, provided at the Chinese dinner,
and served up in the dainty bowls.
Well, when Henry returned borne that
night he said to Mak : ‘ Now, under
stand, your misse must eat cat, dog
and rat; you go catchee them, and ev
ery morning you give one piece to eat
that breakfast time.’ The days pass
ed, and Henry, thinking the servant
had forgotten all about bis order, sat
down to p-o'i'-o, ,■ . t - . -* ’ ■
say tne biter was bitten ; for he, as well
as our friend, partook of a dish of
mince, which was served up with a wall
of potatoes. This was according to
Henry’s wish, as he thought the pota
toes, served in English fashion, would
be a good disguise. Having tasted it,
and not liking the flavor, Henry said,
sotto voce, to the waiting boy : “ What
fashion chow chow this thing?’ and the
answer was : ‘ Belong one piecee dog.’
I ate my portion without comment,
thinking it calf s head mixed; but the
idea did pass through my head that it
was rather high, and I looked toward
our friend, but he seemed to be enjoy
ing it. The following morning another
mince was served up, of which Henry
did not partake, but I did not notice
this, lie declares that I helped myself
twice to it. This mince was also dis
guised by a wall of potatoes. On the
third morning another of these mince
dishes, ornamented again with potatoes
was handed round, and our friend, who
had been let into the secret, helped
himself liberally and pronounced the
dish good. I remained in ignorance of
what I had eaten until the middle of:
the next day, when the gentleman burst j
into a fit of laughter, and told me the
hoax that had been practiced on me
and that I had eaten dog the first morn
ing, cat the second, and rat the third
morning. Does it not show how much
there is in imagination? for had I been
told beforehand what the dishes would
contain, I could not have swallowed a
mouthful of their contents.”
The Arlington Advance thinks that
“ It is a shame, and outrage on civili
zation and humanity, that a jury of 12
decent men should have to sit for hours
on hard plank benches and listen to a
fumbling lawyer speak in the tone and
manner of a boy begging his mother
not to give him vermifuge. This sort
of cruelty to animals should be stop
ped in good old Early,” and in many
other portions of our country.
A lawyer in Virginia not remark
able for bis cleanliness of person, ap
peared at a party a while ago with a
rose in his button-hole. “ Where do
you suppose it came from?” said he to
a brother lawyer who was admiring it.
The latter looked up and down the en
tire length of the questioner, and with
great deliberation responded : “ Why,
I suppose it grew there.”
The Internal Revenue Commissioner
has decided that fanners and others sell
ing manufactured tobacco to their
hands, with or without profit, are sub
ject to the special tax. This decision
took effect May Ist.
When a man of varied talents has
reached the age of thirty years without
having decided precisely what he will;
be, he may as well settle down to the j
conclusion that he is not going to be i
i anything in particular.
Devoted to Hart County.
HARTWELL, GA„ WEDNESDAY. JUNE 18, 1880.
EDITOR BAGSHOTS ASSISTANT.
F. F. Ten Kyek in Warerly Maytuine.
Col. Bagshot runs a weekly news
paper called the Union, up in Chodunk.
Recently the colonel was called away
to New York on business, leaving the
Union in the hands of an assistant who
had beer in his employ some little time.
Now the colonel knew that said as
sistant had the check of a brass statue,
and the audacity of a New England fly,
.both indispensable attributes of the
newspaper man ; but still, after being
in the city about a week, lie began to
grow uneasy, and telegraphed to Cho
dunk : •
“ How’s things ?”
Back came the answer from the
Union’s sub editor:
“ Bully ! Circulation of the old
tiling’s gone up a thousand. Been get
ting up a red-hot paper, and there’s a
gang outside that are weeping because
they can’t hoist the shingles off the
roof and knock the whole concern to
thunder. Stay away as long as you
like.”
Bagshot didn’t waste a moment after
receiving this encouraging dispatch.
lie started home in the first train, and
reached Chodunk before night.
The first man that struck him was
the ticket agent.
“ Look here, colonel!” he cried, ex
citedly, “ I’ve a darned good notion to
puncli your head ; you brazen-faced old
liar.”
“ Why ?”
“ Head that!” and the ticket agent
shoved a crumpled Union into his hand.
There was a paragraph, marked, as
follows:
“ Railroad News. —The bandy-legged
idiot who rolls the railroad company at
this village lias purchased anew pocket
knife. More knocking down from the
casli drawer.”
Bagsliot bit his lip.
“Bill,” said he, ‘'that’s a calumny,
and I’ll see it righted in our next. It’s
my cussed assistant’s work.”
“ I don't care whose work it is,”
growled the agent, “ but if it ain't con
tradicted, somebody’s got to die ; that’s
all.”
Bagsliot didn’t reply, but sailed down
the strafit fcjfjfone half a block before
he collided with Deacon Marsh.
The deacon seized him h}’ the shoul
der and exclaimed:
“ What do you mean, Bagsliot, by
inserting that scandalously untrue item
about me ?”
“ Didn't insert any item,” replied the
colonel.
“ Don’t sneak out of it in that wa}’.”
You know you did. Why I just cut it
out of the Union—listen —
‘'Religions Intelligence. —That whited
sepulchre, Deacon Marsh, was noticed
last Saturday night, trying to open the
coal-hole in front of his residence with
his night key. The deacon was full as
a goat, and couldn’t tell moonshine from
green cheese.” ,
“Now that’s nice, ain’t it, saying
that I was intoxicated Saturday night,
when I went to bed at seven with a
raging toothache ?”
“ It’s that reckless fool whom I left
in charge,” groaned the colonel. “ I’ll
make it all right Marsh,” and Bagsliot
scurried on again, only to be confront
ed by Major Blim.
“Colonel!” uttered Blim, in bis deep
est voice, “ this is villainous ! It’s my
intention, sir, to call you and shoot you
through the heart. What the deuce do
you mean by publishing this note in
the Union :
“ Millitary Jottings . —Major Blim,
the tattered old beggar, who hid in an
oyster barrel during the battle of Bull
linn, wears a wig. He ought to be
shot in the back with a baked apple.”
“ I can’t help*it, Blim,” said Bagsliot,
wiping ins forehead, “ it’s all owing to
that young devil in the office. Ile has
made a red-hot paper. Just wait, ma
jor, and I’ll fix things.”
Then Bagshot started again. By the
post-office old Parker grabbed him.
*• Oh, you unfeeling ghoul!” wailed
Parker, “ you ought to be rode on a rail.
The idea of making fun of my poor,
! dead child!”
“ How ?”
“ IIow! Have you the cheek to ask
how ? Maybe you didn't shove this
into the Union, did you, you heartless
1 hypocrite:
“OHITUAKY.
Little Bennie Parker
Ilad a stomach pain.
Rhubarb and ipecac
Both were in vain ;
He kicked the golden bucket,
His parents’ hearts are sore ;
They’ll bury him to-morrow,
At a quarter of four.”
Of course Bagshot had to explain,
and promised the bereaved father a two
column notice of the dead Bennie's
i many virtues.
j Hardly had he done so, before young
| Cooley appeared.
“ Colonel Bagshot,” announced he,
“you’re a lying scoundrel. This is a
nice thing to put in your blackguard
I sheet about a young lady :
I “ Society Items. —Miss Cooley, the
' old hag on South street, waltzes around
in a patent bustle in the hope of catch
ing a fellow. But she can’t; not even
it she lays the paint on twice ns thick
as she does now.”
lint Bagshot didn't stop to hear it.
He flew across the square and into
ttic Union office like a flash.
No one was there. That able assist
ant editor, warned by friends unknown,
had dusted forever. Lying on the desk
was a Union folded so that this notice
caught Bagshot.’s eves :
“ Literary Mews. —The bald-headed
snipe wlio pretends to run this paper
has go ire to New York. We expect to
hear every moment of his sentence to
Sing Sing for arson nnd highway rob
bery. The citizens of Chodunk should
congfutulate themselves if the colonel
doel’not disgrace his village by being
hung for infanticide!’’
Bagshot never intends to employ an
othej; assistant editor, and journalists
in search of a situation, will find it
healthy to keep away from him.
K Old Si and the Onsus Man.
Atlanta Constitution.
Old Si came in rather late yesterday,
looking somewhat fatigued. After a
minute he said :
“ Dis am er inoughty kurus percedin
desc men kerryin on round liyar wid
fort|>olios.”
“Do you mean the census takers ?”
“ I bleeve dat ar de name dey goes
•‘“What have they been doing now ?”
Apl'y dey’s bin down dar in my na
ba * Y’ iess stirrin up mo wrath dan
al. y v’Tqiarsons inside do korpyrashun
kin put down in er munth.”
“'('hat is unfortunate. Have they
visited you yet ?”
“ Dat’s what makes me so behin time
ter day. One oh dem cum down ter
my I loose dis morn in an tap on degate ;
I ax ; d him what’s de matter, an he
say lie done cum ter take my sensus ;
an In ham’t no mo’ii gyt hit out dan I
sed ter jess go "way from dar, lease dar
war at no bizness in dat shanty fur
enny drummers from de loonytick
’sybms!”
“ That did life say ?”
“ j!e say dat'eT I fools' wid dc sen-
Stis U done, (rwiqe. ter put de. law ter
seed nit wuz all rite an’ I axed him in.”
“How did you get along then ?”
“We got long port}' well unteli he
cum ter de column whar de chillim are
sot down ; den he say ter me what am
de color oh my chillun ? I say ‘ lookic
heah, you jess figgor on what de law
allows an don’t cum round liyar axin
sultin qucschins like dat!’ He say dat
lie got ter put down whether dey is
black er mulatter—an den de ole harry
cane broke loose!”
“ How was that!”
“De ole ’oman was listening, and
when she hear dat, she upset de table
wliar de fortpolio war lying, empted
de starch bowl all obor de returns an
gin ter holler, ‘HereTige!’ jess like
de forty theeves done broke in de
house! De sensus man lie grabbed
up his dockyments an made fer de
fence, and twixt holding de ole oman
wid one hand an Tige wid de odder 1
got most tuckered out.”
“Where did the census man go?”
“ I)e last I seed ob him he was up on
top obor box kyar by de Air-Line shop’
dryin out de returns ob de districk on
de tin roof!”
“ And how did you get the old lady
quieted ?”
“ She haint quiet yit. I jess had ter
make my skape, too, kase she was
gwine fer me fer lettin de man in, an
she say dat ef de United States wants
ter know de color ob her chillnn she ar
bound ter write hit on de eye ob ebery
muneraslmnerdey sends prowlin round
her camp-ground !”
And the old man got up to go to the
supervisor and explain matters.
An' Australia Opossum.
The tree was a large one. Its bark
was smooth like grass. Cutting a notch
in the bark, and embracing as much of
the huge trunk as possible with his
arms, the black fellow mounted the
height of the step, then, standing with
bis toe in the notch, witli bis tomahawk
he proceeded to cut another about the
height of his waist, which he also as
cended, keepiug his body flat on the
tree. Step by step ho gradually rose
looking like a fly walking up a window
pane, until lie reached the first fork,
nearly forty feet above the ground. A
sudden twist enabled him to surmount
this difficulty, after which he walked
among the branches with the activity of
a monkey. Selecting one with a hole
in it, he dropped two or three small
stones which he had carried up with
him down the hollow, listening intently
as they rumbled down the pipe. They
all stopped at a particular place. Des-
cending to the spot Stick-iu-the-mud
cut into the hollow, and, inserting his
hand, drew forth a largo opossum, its
eyes blinking in the daylight. A few
knocks against the tree deprived it of
life, and throwing it down, its captor
descended, grinning from ear to ettr in
his appreciation of the white fellow’s
compliments as to bis dexterity. Blacks
$1.50 Per Annum.
never move without a firestick; and
soon the opossum divested of its fur,
was roasting on the fire, emitting a most
inviting odor under the circumstances.
| It makes Stick-in-the-mud, who has only
lately despatched an immense meat,
hungry again ; and John has some dif
ficulty in persuading him not to seize
the half-masted creature and bite out a
a piece. The Black fellow looks aston
ished ; the prohibition is quite against
the customs of his race; however, he
gives in, contentiug himself by throwing
the entrails on the fire for a moment,
and soon to his guest’s horror, lie com
menced despatching yards of the scarce
ly wanned intestines, at the conclusion
of which operation his face presented a
sickening spectacle.
The ••Roll liengol Tugger.”
This is little Johnny’s composition on
the above named noble animal:
“Onetime there was u man which
had a tagger, and the tagger it wns a
sho’, nnd the man he tuk the money fur
to git in. The man lie had a big paper
nailed on the tugger’s den, and the pa
per it. said, the paper did, 4 The Boil Ben
gol Tagger, sometimes called the Mon
nerk of the Jungle. Hands of! No
techin’ the Taggart’ The inonerk of
the junkie it was always a layin down,
with its nose between its poz, nnd the
folkscs which hud paid for to get in
they was mad cos it wudn’t work and
rore like distent thunder. But the man
he said : 4 That’s ol t ite when I get the
new cage done, but. this is the same
cage which the offlo feller broke out of
in Oregon, time licet lip them seventeen
men and their families.’ Then the f'okee
they wude ol stand hack and taw k on
in w hispers while the tagger slept. But
oue day a feller which was drunk he
take to punchin the tagger with the
mast head of his umbrcllcr, which stam
peded the oddienco wild, and the wimniin
fokes they stud into chairs and hollered
like it was a mouse, but the drunk chap
lie kep a "jobbiu the monuerk of the
jungle crewel. Pretty soon the inon
nerk it hollered offic and rigglcd, but
the feller kept a pokin like a fireman to
a steam engine. Bimeby the monnerk
it jumped onto its bine feets and sliuk
itjiulCsuitol’.itb iiliin mill mlleil mi Ll.*s
up and said : 44 I bedam if I can t jest
wollip the pea-green stuffin onten the
gum (lasted galoot which has been a
proddin this ere tagger!’ And the od
dience the}' was astonished.”
Putting Jolm In.
Jioeton Journal of Commerce.
The trial of an artist who undertakes
to paint a picture “ to order” are many
and vexatious. It is related of a well
known portrait painter that he received
an order to paint a “ family group.”
The family was large and the happy
head of it wanted them all included.
After many consultations and weary in
terviews as to sittings,’ dress, accesso
ries and other details, the order was
finally given and the artist breathed
freer, but had he ordered the
canvas before the head of the family
arrived breathless at the studio, and
announced that he has forgot all about
John.”
“ Well,” said the weary artist, “ and
who is John ?”
“My son John,” said the patron, “as
went to the war, J want him put in the
picture.”
The artist proposed • that John h i
sent to the studio for a sitting, to
which the patron of the arts responded,
“ Well, I forgot to tell you John’s dead.”
Despite the gravity of the information,
the painter smiled and asked the father
to bring him a photograph or anything
that would give him an idea of the lost
son's personal appearance. “ John's”
parent scratched his head and said lie
would go home and consult “ Mother.”
Before the artist had lighted his af
ter-breakfast cigarette the next morn
ing, the fond father made his appear
ance accompanied by a big bundle,
which being unrolled, displayed to the
astonished eyes of the artist an old
pair of blue trousers.
“ Mother said she couldn’t find no
photograph nor nothin’ of John,” said
j the perplexed parent, “ but she run
agin his old army pants and thought
they might give you an idea, and you
could put John in uniform.”
“ Yes,” said a witness, “ I remember
the defendant’s mother crying on the
occasion referred to. She was weeping
with her left eye—the only one she has
—and the tears were running down her
right cheek.” “ What!” exclaimed the
Judge, “ how could that be?” “ May
it please your honor,” said the witness,
“ she was awfully crosseyed.”
The latest from the logic class:
Professor —“ Miss (J., give an example
of a true conclusion drawn from two
false premises.” Miss C.—“ Logic is
an easy study ; That’s false. “I don’t
like easy logic ; that’s true.” Class is
dismissed.
One hundred and sixteen members
were added to the different churches
in Gainesville, Ga., during the great
i revival, a few days ago.
WHOLE NO. I!>8.
MAKE YOUR OWN FERTILIZERS.
farm and If oust hold.
I see farmers hauling out common
dirt, mixed by sonic shrewd man witlru
■few dollars’ worth of land plaster, am
monia, potash, bone dust and soda.
Why this? Why not buy the ahovo
chemicals, which, for each two thousand
pounds of the common fertilizers in use,
would cost by wholesale, nbout 12 to 15
dollars; hut farmers are paying from
AO to 70 dollars, and often getting but
little else than swamp muck or dirt. I
have in my possession some half dozen
or more recipes to make fertilizers for
various crops, nnd the best of fertilizers
may be made at a cost of 15 to 20 dol
lars |ht ton. I see again men hauling
out lime to put upon their stable ma
nure. Why this? Lime in its crude
state is not a food for crops; all the
good common carbonate of lime can do,
is to convert leaves, straw nnd other
vegetable matter into soluble fertilizers.
Put plaster on your stable manure, and
that fixes the ammonia so that it does
not evaporate, unless you let it remain
in the rain to leach out, ns too inuny
careless farmers do. Or, if you wifi
throw a strong solution of common sul
phate of of iron (copperas) on the ma-
nure ns you throw out of your stables
that will fix the ammonia, or a solution
of sulphuric acid, which can be bought
at a few cents to the gallon by whole
sale, will tix the ammonia. All stable
manure should lie thus treated and kept
under a shelter to prevent the leaching
out of its most valuable fertilizing
chemicals, which arc ammonia, soda, (in
the form of phosphate), lime, in tho
form of phosphate of lime, and potash,
in the same form, together with decom
posed vegetable matter. Stable manure
well pulverized with land plaster, or
clean dirt, is one of the host fertilizers
tliat we have, and suits almost all crop*.
I observe ulso some farmers using
their hslh*s with stable manure. Now
this again is a great wuste. Ashes is
potash, and potash, sets free ammonia
as soon as i'. touche* it. Potash and
ammonia are iwy chemical salts that
cannot remain together, unless they are
in form of nitrates or muriates. Ashes
are in the form of carbonate of potash,
unrefined, and they evaporate ammonia
us soon ns the two come in contact.
But if the farmer wants to improve his
ashes as a fertilizer, let him add the mu
riate. of soda (common salt, or waste
salt), which gives two fine articles of
food for most plants, which is soda and
potash. The Allwise Creator put those
elements intii the* forest, in the trees and
vegetables, to* bo returned again, to re
form vegetable materials and crops; if
the farmer will ouly apply them proper
erly to his laud. * There should be noth
ing of a vqgotahle material or animal
off the land. But to buy dirt, (with
sometimes nothing) jvith a few dollars
worth of ammonia, plaster, potash and
soda, and a little bone dust, at a cost of
GO to 70 dollars a ton, will ruin any
country in the world. We must make
our own fertilizers, and if we cannot do
it with our stock, then let our farmers,
by companies, buy the chemicals by
wholesale, which as I cun show any man
will cost from 15 to 20 dollars per ton,
just according to the amount of the
above chemicals arc put to the ton.
When the farmer purchases a ton of
commercial fertilizer, he gets thirty dol
lars of his money in twenty bushels of
common muck or soil. I have tested
quite a number of fertilizers, anil I have
seen the recipes of several fertilizers,
and they contain from fifteen to twenty
bushels of nmek or common soil, for
which the farmer pays from thirty to
fifty dollars. Now where is the man
who can afford to pay thirty or forty
dollars for soil that is no better than on
his own land, or in his branch swamps?'
I see the country growing poorer every
year, and yet men will still pledge their
crop and try ft again. They put from
1 to G dollars' worth of manure on each
acre to make from 1 to 8 dollars’ worth
of cotton- Where is the gain? Answer,
it you can.
I. J. M. fJoss, M. D., LL. D.
I’. S.—Prof. I. J. M. Goss will give
a free lecture at Hartwell on the nbovo
to the farmers on the night of the 22d
of June, at the Courthouse, commenc
ing at about 8 o’clock.
The report that the baby elephant
was born with a valise instead of a
trunk is incorrect.
Every man, coming to an obscure old
age, thinks he would have achieved
wealtii and distinction if
An Irishman says he can see no
earthly reason why women should not
he allowed to become medical men.
It is sweet to have friends you can
trust, and convenient sometimes to have
friends who are not afraid to trust you.
He that thinks himself the happiest
man is really so; but he who thinks
himself the wisest man is the greatest
fool.
Mule Puzzle.- -Draw a circle fifteen
feet in diameter, place a mule in tlio
centre and ‘>L. around him without
getting out of the circle.
Jones says : “ Give an oyster loco
motion and the five senses, and he
might be the rhinoceros of the sea.”
He might be ; hut we hope no generous
person will give him those things. Ihe
price of half a dozen fried oysters as
large as a rhinoceros would strike away
beyond the margin of most editor’s
pocket-books; and a couple of spoiled
oysters of such dimensions would de
populate a town.