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MISS FYDGETS MISTAKE.
“If you please ma’am, won’t you
five me a drink of milk f"
Mi9s Fydget had just come in from
B long and bootless search through the
pasture for a wandering brood of young
turkeys which had been missing since
tnorning.
She was warm and tired ; one boot
was burst open on the side; her sun*!
bonnet hung limp at the back of her
head ; her gray curls were in true ar
tistic confusion, and a vicious black-
berry briar had torn her hands until
she looked 119 if she might have been
in a skirmish with the Zulus,
“ But I wouldn't have minded all
that,’’ was Miss Fydget’s melancholy
comment to herself, ‘ if only I could
have found my young turkeys 1 They
do say that there is a company of
tramps loafing around the country,
and—”
Just llien the mild voice of an old
man sitting on the well-curb broke in
upon the thread of her reflections—an
old man in a shabby gray coat, button
ed closely across his chest, shoes thick
ly coated witli dust, and a rude cane
cut from the woods, upon which he
rested his folded hands.
Miss Fydget stared at the old man ;
the old man returned her gaze; depre-
catingly.
“ Perhaps you’re deaf ma'am,” said
the stranger, elevating his voice a semi
tone or so higher.
“ No more than yourself,” said Miss
Fydget, naturally somewhat irritated.
“Would you have the kindness to
give me a little milk.”
Miss Fydget bethought herself of the
floating rumor she heard. Perhaps
this venerable vagrant was one of the
very band now marauding the vales
and glens of Rochemont; perhaps even
now lie had a corps of bloody-minded
coadjutors hidden behind tiie stone
wall, or under the moss-grown roof of
the ancient smoke-house. And Miss
Fydget was possessed of several pieces
of antique silver, and had forty dollars
in an old tea-pot, on the uppermost
closet shelf!
“ Who are you ?” curtly questioned
phe,
“A man and a brother,” the old mat?
answered, not without a covert smile.
“No, you’re not,” said Miss Fydget.
incensed at what she deemed a piece
of unnecessary insolence.
H You're a tramp/’
The stranger smiled.
“Is a tramp, then, destitute of all
the privileges of humanity ?” he asked.
“ Kh f said Miss Fydget.
u Tramps must live as well as other
people.” pleaded the old man. “ Now,
look at me."
Yes,” said Miss Fydget, “ I’m look
ing at. von. and a dusty, shabby-loc 1 ‘ >•
figure you arc, i -*■ ••
l've walked fifteen miles since
morning, with nothing to eat or drink.
“ That’s what they all say,” said
Miss Fydget, incrednously.
“ Would it be any great stretch to
your hospitality to give me a slice o!
bread and a drink ot cool milk ' be
persisted.
Miss Fydget stood for a momen*
pondering the petition in her mind.
“ Look here, old man,” she said, at
last, “ I know perfectly well that yon
are a tramp, but I snpjio.se you are hu
man after all. There’s a pile of knotty
pine stumps under the shed, you may
split a few for my cooking stove.”
“ But, ma’am—”
•• [ knew how it would be,” shrilly
interrupted Miss Fydget. "Non re a
deal too lazy to work; you’d rather
starve than do an honest day’s work,
any time.”
“ I beg your pardon,” said the old
man, mildly. “ It’s a good many years
since I split a pile ot wood.”
“ I'll wager it is,” said Miss Fidget,
satirically.
“ But if you will get me the axe, f
will try and do iny best,” he added
meekly,
< The axe is hanging up in the wood
shed, at the left-hand side of the door,”
said Miss Fydget, and she went into
the house, leaving her venerable visi
tor to do as he pleased about accepting
her offer.
After she was within the four yellow
washed walls of her own kitchen, how
ever, it occurred to her that she had
done ratiier a foolish thing.
“ I suppose he’d as soon split my
head open as the sticks of wood.” she
thought to herself. “ And of course
lie knows that I’m alone in the world
—I m >an in the house ; but it’s pretty |
much the same tiling,” with a deep sigh.
And who knows but that I may be
murdered within the next five minutes?”
“Thud !” came the sound of the axe,
descending with slow, regular strokes
upon the knotty stumps of yellow pine,
pud Miss Fydget listened with a sort
of terrible fascination, wondering as
she did so, what sort of a relation in
the matter of sound the human tym-
panum might bear to the piua stumps.
“ What a fool I was !'* said she to
herself.
And with noiseless movements she
went across the kitchen floor, and took
down a rusty musket which had hung
suspended over the old brick chimney
ever since she was a child.
“ I don’t know as I could fire it off,”
said she, “ but I’ll try if I see any
signs of mischief.”
It was unnecessary, however. She
pouted out a bowl of milk, first thriftily
pausing to skim it, and then cut a good
thick slice of rye bread, taking care to
secrete the bread-knife when she was
through. And then, seating herself by
the window, her thoughts wandered
hack tfi the question of the missing
The Hartwell Sun.
Bv BENSON & MoGILL.
VOL. IV—NO.
brood of turkeys.
" He knows where they are, I’ll bet
anything, and ho shall tell me. Old
man—old man, I say !’*
The venerable wbod-splitter paused
at the sound of her summons.
“Come here!” she called.
The old man obeyed.
’ You’ve done enough,” said Miss
Fydget, inwardly rejoiced that he had
left his axe sticking 1n the last pine
knot, instead of coming toward her
brandishing it in the air, Powhatan
fashion.
“That is what I was just thinking
myself,” observed the old man, wiping
his streaming forehead.
“ And now,” said Miss Fydget,
sharply and suddenly, as if she fain
would take him by surprise, “where
are my turkeys ?”
“ Eh ?” uttered the old man.
“Mv turkeys!’’ shrilly enunciated
Miss Fydget; “my brood of sixteen
white turkey chicks !”
“ I am sure I cannot say,” said
the old man, with a puzzled counten
ance.
“ That is false l” said Miss Fydget
imperially. “If von don’t know, your
>rang does, and I insist on having my
turkeys back again,”
I lie old man looked bewildered.
Miss Fydget eyed him with a gaze cal
culated to strike dismay into the most
obdurate heart.
“Madame-—” he began, but Miss
Fydget interrupted him.
“ There’s your milk and bread. If
vou can eat and drink with a good con
science, knowing that my turkeys are
gone, do so.”
Apparently .Miss Fydget’s turkey
I cltioks tested hut lightly upon the con
science of the wayfarer, for he ate and
drank to the very last mouthful.
“ Madame ?” ho said, as he placed
the empty bowl within the window sill
—Miss Fydget had taken the precau
tion to bolt and bar the door.
” Go,” said the lady.
‘‘But 1 wished to sav to vou—”
Bv way of answer, Miss Fydget took
up the rusty gun. placed it on her shoul
der, and pointed the barrel full at him.
‘‘lf you don't take yourself off, I'll
*" nt :
the old man took up his cane, and
trudged awav as fast as he could go.
*• The woman must be maniac J” said
!icto himself.
While Miss Fydget made baste to
take a dose of valerian to settle her
perturbed senses.
“ I've had a narrow escape of it,”
said she, “ but I must get rested as
quick as possible and go to Lavinia
Thorpe’s for tea. The Bishop is to be
there, and I wouldn’t miss the oppor
tunity of meeting him for a thousand
dollars.”
And, between the stimulus or the
valerian and the calm afforded by a
half an hour's nap, Miss Fydget man
aged to array herself in a stiff black
sHk dress with a white ribbon cap ; and
set out for Lavinia Thorpe s a few min
utes past four.
As site crossed her door-yard, a slow
ly winding procession met her eye, re
turning down the rocky slopes of the
pasture meadow —sixteen young tur
keys.
“ There they come now,” Raid Miss
Fydget, with a momentary twinge of
conscience in regard to the tramp.
“ However, it’s all over and gone now,
and what's done can't he undone.”
The company was all gathered at La
vinia Thorpe's ; the best china and sil
ver were out and great bunches of cab
bage roses decked the mantel in gilt
vases, that were at least a century old.
“ Is be here ?” nervously whispered
Miss Fydget, as she removed her hat
in the front chamber up stairs.
“The dear man—yes,” said Miss
Thorpe, enthusiastically clasping her
hands. “Walked all the way from
Simstown Station, and met with all
sorts of interesting adventures. What
do you think of his being taken for—”
But here someone called her away.
When Miss Fydget descended, se
rene and smiling, siie was led up to a
pleasant old man, with grey hair and a
cordial blue eye.
“ Miss Fydget,” said Miss Thorpe,
fussily, “ Let me make you acquainted
with Bishop Playfair, of Cbirrita Terri
tory,” .. _ .
“ Bless my soul!” cried Miss * ydget,
dropping her fan and smelling-bottle,
•* it's the tramp !”
The Bishop smiled serenely.
>i Miss Fynget,” said lie, “ you never
can guess liow deliciously that milk
tasted to me. And ,by the way, I met
a brood of young turkeys in a stubble
field as I crossed from the highway,
which I concluded must be yours.”
Both joined in irresistible laughter;
and in five minutes Miss Fydget, set
at her ease by the Bishop s tact and
kindness, was chatting away regarding
the Chirita Mi ßß ' ol * B - . .
“ But to think,” said Miss Lavinia
Thorpe, afterwards, “ tiiat you mistook
the Bishop of Chirita Territory for a
tramp.”
“ And set him splitting wood and
1 pointed a rnstv musket at him,” said
HARTWELL. GA.. WEDNESDAY. JUNE 23, 1880.
Miss Fydget.
“It only shows,” said old Mrs. Mar
tin, severely, “ how easy it is to be mis
taken in this world.”
({uick Wit Wins, W
Utica Observer.
A ears ago, into a wholesale grocery
store in Boston walked a tall, muscular
lobking man, evidently a fresh comer
from some backwoods town in Maine or
New Hampshire. Addressing the first
person he met, who happened to be the
merchant himself, he said ;
“ You don’t want to hire a man in
your store, do you?”
“ Well,” said the merchant, “ I don’t
know ; what can you do?”
“ Do?” said the man ; “ rather guess
I can turn my hand to almost anything
—what do you want done?”
“ Well, if I was tq hire a man it
would be one that could lift well, a
strong, wiry fellow ; one, for instance,
that could shoulder a sack of coffee like
that yonder, aud carry it across the
floor and never lay it down.”
There, now, capting,” said the coun
tryman, “that’s just me. I can lift
anything I hitch too; you can't suit me
better. What will you give a man that
will suit you.”
“I’ll tell you,” said the merchant;
if y< u will shoulder that sack of cof
fee and carry it across the store twice
and never lay it down, I will hire you a
yea r at SIOO per month.”
“Done,” said the stringer, and by
this time every clerk in the store had
gathered around and were waiting to
join in the laugh against the man, who, !
walking up to the sack, threw it aen s
liis shoulder with perfect ease, although
extremely heavy, and walking with it
twice across the store, went quickly to a
large hook which was fastened to the ,
wall, and hanging it up, turned to the
merchant aad said :
“There, now, it may hang there till
doomsday: I shall never lay it down.
What shall Igo about, mister? Just
give me plenty to do and SIOO per
month and it’s all right.”
The clerks broke into a laugh, and
the merchant. discnnifjUed Yn C n;!,
CiiutiiTi man is ilie senior parTnei in the
firm, and is worth a million dollars.
He “Squoze” Her Hand.
An Ohio merchant tells the following
story about himself. Where he lives is
a secret, except that it is not a mile and
a half from the Xenia Court House :
“ When I was about seventeen years
old I made a trip to Cleveland in the
old-fashioned stagecoach, with itsspank
ing four horses. At Mount Vernon,
about 4 o'clock in the afternoon, a pret
ty girl came on hoard. She sat on the
back seat, next to an elderly farmer-like
looking man. I was on the middle seat
immediately in front of her. I soon
struck up a pleasant chat with her. Hhe
was a charming talker, and almost as
brilliant as she was pretty. It looked
as if we were mutually pleased. When
dark came I concluded there would he
no harm in giving her hand a squeeze by
way of a feeler. I reached behind and
got hold of the hand. I was a little
startled at the hardness, hut it returned
a vise-like pressure. I squozed again
and it squoze back. A sense of disap
pointment would steal over me when in
my mind I would contrast the seeming
toughness of her hand with the tender
ness and sweetness of her voice. The
contrast did not seem to arterialize my
blood quite up to the point of exhilara
tion. At last she reached her destina
tion and left the coach. After we had
started again that old rooster who sat
beside her addressed me thusly :
“ ‘ Young man, do you feel all right?
You had a nice time tugging at my old
paw for the last five miles; hope you
enjoyed it.’
“ The two young ladies on the front
seat giggled all the way to the next
station, and the gentlemen passengers
didn’t forget to smile when I looked
up. I have been more successful since
in that line.”
A jumping match, the conditions of
wlncii were run, ten hops and a jump,
was decided at Wellington Grounds,
England, recently, between J. Stod
dard and W. Halstead. The latter
won, clearing at the first attempt the
unprecedented distance of 48 yards, 2
Teet, inches, or 8 feet further than
the previous best record. The winner
is but 20 years old, 5 feet inches in
height, and weighs 150 pounds.
A marketman was mercilessly swin
dled in the town of B His mis
fortune gave him a very unfavorable
opinion of the residents, and he express
ed his opinion of them by saying that if
the angel Gabriel stopped at B
there would be no resurrection, “ Why
not?” asked a listener. “ Because the
people would swindle him out of his
horn before he had time to blow a single
toot-”
Letters of introduction are not always
successful to get a man into good society,
no more than eloquent obituaries are to
get a man into heaven,
Devoted to Hart County.
“ N our story reminds me of one Boh
Grant, whom I once knew, and I may
snv with whom I was very intimate,”
said the gentleman to whom I am in
debted for the “yarn.” “Bob was a
queer fellow, and rather green withal,
ami what was still worse, very bashful
when among the ladies. One day 1
gave him a lecture about his stupidity
—told him it would never do—that he
was rapidly approaching that period
where lie would he looked ii|x>u as an old
bachelor, and he despised by all the
gentler sex. I saw it made a deep im
pression upon him, so I went on :
“You had better drop those old bach
elor notions, Bob, and got you n wife,
before it is eternally and everlastingly
too late!”
“ Bob blushed depely—looked in all
directions, to sec that no third person
was in hearing, and then said :
“‘To tell vou the truth, Arch, I have
been thinking something about that
matter; hut who is there could
get to have me?’
“‘Pshaw ! you are talking nonsense
now,’ said I. ‘There nre plenty ol
them, if you would only scrape up
courage enough to ask them. For in
stance, there’s Mell Stinson—how would
she suit?’
“ She’d suit to a TANARUS, Arch. But. you
don t pretend to say that I could get
Mell; do vou?”
“ (fbt Mell! Why, yes, eertainlv I
do; and I would not be afraid to bet a
hundred dollars on it, if you’d only
trv," said I. J
Thi* was anew idea to Bob, and he
was tickled almost to death with it. Af
ter thinking a moment, during which
time his face was illuminated with one
of jus hoia/W*. ,(hiw
gave him full directions, after which he
started home as happy ns a jaybird,
promising to go and see Mell the very
next Saturday night.
Bob was as good as his word. Satur
day night came, and he went over to old
man Stinson’s. Mell was at home, and
guessing his business, made herself very
agreeable. Bob’s courage raised fifty
per cent.: and so, as soon as the folks
had retired, he commenced his first
courtship. To begin he found a disa
greeable task ; but when once the ice
was broken, he felt like anew creature.
Mell smiled so bewitchingly upon him,
and said so many charming things.
Never before had he known hours to
fl v so rapidly, or moments to be spent so
pleasantly. Who could wonder at it ?
for Mell would lean her pretty head
down on his shoulder when he joked
her about her beaux, or about getting
married. Oh, what a dear creature he
soon began to think she was! How hr
almost cursed himself for having passed
so much of his life in ignorance of such
bliss.
Before Bob bad scarcely time to
think, and long before he had come to
the point, the old elock struck twelve,
and Mell reminded him that it was time
to retire.
“ But I have not told you all I wish,”
said he. .
“ You can come again next Saturday
night,” she replied with a most fascinat
ing smile.
This was capital. Permission to come
again? He agreed to retire. Mell told
him where lie could sleep; and then, as
is the custom in some of the Western
States, brought a pot of warm water
that he might wash his feet. The pot
was an old-fashioned one —big at the
bottom and little at the top—so very
little at the top, that Bob viewed it
with some misgivings, lest it should re
fuse to admit his feet. Not feeling wil
ling to call Mell's attention to the enor
mous size of these latter -named articles
he hauled off his shoes, and with one
desperate thrust, lodged both feet at the
bottom of the vessel. Capital luck,
thought he, ns he sat bathing them.
Mell sat near by, waiting for him to get
through, that she might remove the
pot. At length the clock struck one.
Bob did not seem to notice it, but sat
with both feet in the pot, apparently in
a brown studv.
“ It is one o’clock,” said Mell, by way
of a hint.
“Yes, ma’am,” said Bob, but still
kept on with his bathing.
Two, and then three were sounded
from the old bell, still Mr. Grant paid
no attention to it, but maintained his
position in silence, apparently resolved
to bathe his feet all night. Mell’s pa
tience finally wore out, and she said,
arising from her chair :
“Mr Grant, you can retire when you
choose. lam going to bed.”
“ Hold on 1” said Bob, “ hold on a
minute. What’s the price of this here
pot?”
ROB GRANT’S COURTSHIP.
Not long since 1 was taking a trip on
one of our rivers, when, us might be ex
pected, I was treated to a large number
of “racy" anecdotes, in most of which
the narrators themselves hold the most
conspicuous position. In the number
was one about Bob Grant and hiscourt
ship. I give it just as I received it ns
near as possible:
$1.50 Per Annum.
’ M hat do you mean?” she asked,
vastly astonished.
“ I mean, by thunder! I’m goin* to
break this pot; and I’d like to know
the price of it.”
“Father! father!” screamed Moll,
“come here, quick! Mr. Grant's gone
mad ! Quick ! quick !”
In nii instant the old man was with
them, nerved and prepared for a despe
rate struggle. How sadly disappoint
ed ! Instead of finding Mr. Grant a
raving maniac, ns ho had expected, lie
found him sitting wry quietly, with
Gitli feet in the jxit. The warm water
had caused them to swell, so as to lie
cnine immovable. By the united efforts
oi the three, he was at length extricat
ed ; but no words could induce him to
remain until morning. He started for
home forthwith.
Boh Grant is now an old man, as well
as myself, and not more than three
weeks ago, lie told me that that was his
lirst and last courtship. He never could
scrape up courage enough to go back.”
How Long we May Live.
Harper' llmar.
The following is one of those well
authenticated tables in use amopg Lou
don assurance companies, showing the
average length of life at various ages.
In the first column we have the present
ages of persons of average health, and
in the second column we are enabled to
peep, as it were, behind the scenes of
an assuranc office, and gather from their
table the number of years they will
give us to live. *Tbis table has been
the result of careful calculation, and
9 'ldom proves misleading. Of course
sudden and premature deaths, ns well
as lives unusually extended, occasion
a ly occur, but this is a table of the av
erage expectancy of life of an ordinary
man or Tlyian :
More years
All®- to live.
1 80
10 51
20 41
SO 84
*e •. *. -. .
80 4
Our readers will easily gather from
the above tabulated statement tlie num
ber of years to which their lives, ac
cording to the law of averages, may
reasonably expect to extend.
Negro Superstition
Andermm JntcUii/eneer.
A gentleman brought to our office the
other day a “charm,” so called, that was
drawn out of the well of a colored man
living on his place, which is supposed
to have been placed there by one of bis
offended colored neighbors, who claims
to be a conjurer. The charm consisted
of a portion of a black bug, a bent pin,
a small particle of cotton, thread-like
root of some kind about two inches
long and a pinch of hair from a ne
gro’s head, all of which was wrapped
in a piece of dirty cotton cloth, that
had been saturated in some kind of
grease or oil. It is quite common to
find these conjurers among the colored
people, who claim to be able by the
means of “charms” of* one kind and
another to put frogs, Hazards, snakes,
and the like in certain portions of a
person’s body. This is done, they
claim, by placing their “charms” und
the steps of their victim’s houses, or
by placing them in their wells oi
springs, or by sewing them up in certain
portions of their clothing. Ihe great
mass of the colored people are credu
lous enough to believe the conjurers
possess all the power they claim, and
are generally careful not to provoke or
offend them.
Counterfeit Eggs.
The British Medical Journal say : “It
is well known that in America every
thing is counterfeited. The wooden
hams and nutmegs sent from the New
England States are well remembered.
Eggs are now also counterfeited, and
their manufacture is carried out on a
large scale. On one side of the room
the”reporter saw several large copper
vessels filled with a thick, glutinous,
yellow mass, which a man was constant
ly stirring. This was the yellow of the
egg—the yolk. On the opposite side
were similar vessels, in which the whits
is fabricated. The egg-shells were
made of a white substance resembling
plaster of Paris, by means of a blow
pipe, just as soap bubbles are blown.
After being dried in an oven, the egg
shells were filled first with artificial al
bumen, then with some of the artificial
yolk, and lastly, with a little of the ar-
tificial albumen. The smnll opening at
the end of the egg was closed with
white cement, and the greatest achieve
ment of modern civilization —the arti-
ficial egg—was ready. In appearance
it resembled a natural egg, but, whether
cooked or raw. it was indigestible to
( the health.”
Low shoes and fancy stockings are
now all the rage.
WHOLE NO. 1110.
A TAR STORY.
A west end man, sav the Baltimore
Sun, had the flat roofthc I. of his house
tarred, and when six or seven cats got
on it the following night they could
yell and arch their hacks and try toget
a pull on all four feet at once, but their
singing was frightful, and people in the
neighborhood began to chuck things at
them, and the owner of the house for
got about the tar and went barefooted
and in his night shirt upon the roof to
chase them off, and pretty soon he found
lie couldn’t stir, and he began to whoop
and swear, and a policeman got a lad
der and climbed upon the roof, and
came up Over the edge, on his hands
and knees, lie had to remain in that
posture. Meanwhile the txiotjacks
were tailing in a shower nlxnit and up
on them, and the man’s inother-in-law,
in looking out of an upper window that
overlooked the L roof, to ask them if
they were not ashamed to be out on a
root playing cat at that time of night,
unfortunately knocked her wig ,o(T and
it fell in the tar; and then she rushed
down a (light and went out on the roof
toget it, and couldn't pull the wig up,
but got her hand stuck to it so she
couldn’t let go of it, and of course her
position and her bald head made a dead
give away, as it was quite light when
someone Anally came with lxmrds to
put down on the roof for them to he
got on to when they were cut loose from
the tar, the old lady didn't feel a bit
worse than the policeman, who had to
walk through the streets with the knees
of his trousers out out and left stuck
on the roof and a great hunk of tar
stuck to each hand, and got a repri
mand when ho reached the station.
And the house owner himself blistered
his feet trying to melt the tar off of
them by holding them lip to a hot stove,
and when the cats were cut loose from
‘he roof and put on the ground they
'ried to gnaw the tar from their claws
and got their paws stuck in their
mouths and rolled about and vawled
and carried on so that folks thought
they were mad and killed them.
Nothing Left to Holler On
An hour or so after the last and latest
from Chicago yesterday afternoon, a
policeman on Randolph street halted at
the door of a saloon and asked the pro
prietor how ho liked the nomination.
“ I (loan care for holitics any more,”
was the reply.
“Why, what’s the matter?” You
were greatly excite 1 yesterday.”
“II l vlias den I vims a fool. Vhen
lot first pallot vlias daken I set up der
near for <i*>——■* *— • **•- •
•ind yells out dot Jim Blaine vlias de
coming man, und I hand out der cigars
for mein poy vhants ablaee in der Gus
*nni House oof Jim Blaine vhas Bres
ident.”
“ Yes, I see.”
*• Vliell, pooty Siam comes inein brud
der in und says I vhas a fool, for dot'
feller Sherman would git all der votes
nooty queek. I links off Sherman gits
it mein poy haf a blace in der l’ostof
fiee. sure, nnd I calls in -der poys und
dells ’em to drink to my grandidate.”
“ Just so."
“ I feels goodt vhen I goes to bedl,
but early in der mornings some alder
man come aroundt here und says:
•* Shake, ton’t pea fool. Edmunds ish
der man who vliill knock ’em all trt
hieoes.’ Und I opens a fresh keg of
lager und dells efery poty 1 vhas an
Edmunds man, und I pet ten dollars
he vhas voted in. Dis forenoon mein
noy vhas for Grant, mein brud der vash
for Sherman und I vhas for Blaine, und
vhere pe dose five kegs of lager dot I
hadt dish morning? Vhen I goes home
tnein vrow she saidt I vlias zwei fools,
und I locks up der saloon und goes to
betd.”
“ Well, have you heard who was
nominated?”
Nein.”
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“ Nothing,” says Col. Forney, “so
quickly dries up a woman’s tears as a
kiss.” Ladies who arc about to weep
will please apply at this office. Con
sultation free.
School-teacher to little boy whose
father is a grocer: —“Now, Johnny, if
your father has a barrel of whisky con
taining forty gallons, and one-fourth of
it leaks out, how many gallons does he
lose ?”
Johnny —“ He don’t lose none. He
fills it up with water again right off.”
A fisherman fell into the water at
Little Falls, Minn., and on getting out
hung oil his clothes over a fire to dry.
They were ignited and entirely consum
ed, leaving the owner helpless and three
miles from home. Seeing a woman ap
proaching, he submerged himself to the
neck in the stream, and bargained with
her to lend him some of her skirts.
Lord Cockburne. the proprietor of
Bonallv, was sitting on a hillside with a
shepherd, and observing the sheep re
posing in the coldest situation, he 00/
served to him : l< John, it I "ffJF
sheep, I would lie on the other sb>
the hill.” The shepherd ansv
“ Ay, my lord ; but it ve had
sheep ye would hue had niair w