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BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
-V. VARIOUS SOURCES.
■-The National Flour—No Alternative
— Rather Glad Than Other¬
wise—Johnnie Visits the
, Pawnshop, Etc., Etc. |
Upon the hill the golden rod,
With royal grace in every nod,
Salutes the sun, as far away \
He heralds forth the joyous day.
Dainty in form, with perfume sweet,
Arbutus, Expands in some cool retreat,
her many graces rare,
And shuns the daylight’s ruthless glare.
A dainty jewel richly set, ’,
You find the modest violet:
: Within some cool and shady grove
It welcomes those who chance to rove.
f * But, Who on a crisp the griddle and frosty cake with morn, scorn?
sees
Above them all its merits tower.
The good old fashioned buckwheat flour.
—Merchant Traveler.
2- NO ALTERNATIVE.
Giles—“It seems dreadfully extrava¬
gant to go to such an expensive tailor.”
De Jinks—“What could I do? He
was the only one who would trust me.”
— Epoch. *
RATHER GLAD THAN OTHERWISE.
Visits of ceremony. A gentleman,
with his card case in hand, rings the
bell.
“Are Mr. and Mrs. B. at home?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Very well; then I'll call again.”—
Judge.
JOHNNIE VISITS THE PAWNSHOP.
Brown—“Where is your diamond
ring, my dear?"
Mrs. Brown—“It is being reset.
Little Johnnie (who had been out
with Ids mother)—“Does the man al¬
ways give you money, ma, when you take
anything to be repaired ?”—Mu meg's
Weekly.
THE SAMS OLD BEEFSTEAK.
“What’s the- matter with the beef
steak?” asked the landlady.
“I don’t know,” replied the new
•boarder; “but I have a horrible suspicion
that the cow was afflicted with general
■ossification.”— Washington Capital.
RETRIBUTION FOR A LIAR.
Brown—“It’s terrible the way these
-coal dealers cheat you. There’s not
more than 1200 in that ton.”
Little Johnnie—“Perhaps, dad, the
■coal man weighed it on the same scales as
that twenty-pound fish you caught.”—
Harper8 Bazar.
time and costs.
A couple of jail-birds were drinking
‘ogethcr when one of them took out his
watch.
“Bless me!” exclaimed his astonished
companion, “you’ve got a watch?”
“Looks like it.”
“And how much did it cost you?”
“Six months.”— Tid-Bits.
}j
SO SUDDEN.
They _ climbing , . the ,, mountain , .
were up
side, . and coming to a steep place he
deemed it proper to assist her, ana turn
ing, said:
“Please give me your hand?”
“Oh!” she replied, with ablush, “this
is so sudden. You must ask papa.”—
Boston Courier.
THE “GOOD-BYE” INTERMINABLE.
Host—“Don’t go, Mr. Hobson, until
you have heard Ethel sing “Good-bye.”
Mr. Hobson—“Will she begin now?”
Host—“Yes, at once.”
Mr. Hobson—“Well, I’m obliged to
go, but I’ll drop around in an hour or so
and ,, hear the , end , tne „ —Rochester _ .
or song.
Pos<.-Express.
A LIGHT AND AIRY PUN.
“Oh, George,” she murmured, “I
know you are strong and will protect me,
yet even now,as we recline in this
ing hammock, I am surrounded by fear.”
“Fear, my darling?” said George de
Romelyy, “what fear can surround you?”
“Atmosphere!” she chuckled, and the
hammock broke down to punish her.—
Laurence American.
A SERIOUS CASE.
Mrs. Briske—“Johnny, did the doctor
call while I was out?”
Little Johnny (stopping his play)—
“Yes’m. He felt my pulse an looked at
my tongue, and shook his head and said
it was a very serious case, and he left this
prescription and said he'd call again be¬
fore night. ”
Mrs."Briske—“Gr-clous me! It wasn’t
you I sent him to see; it was the baby.”
—New York Weekly. " •
a RISING MAN.
“Now,” said a traveling man. “there
is a risinu man over there by the tree
box.” - ' ........
“Politician?”
“No.”
“Writer?”
“No.”
‘•What is he?”
“He's an aeronaut ."—Merchant True
tier.
irrepressible BCR-i again.
Bobby—“I do hope. Clara, that you
and Mr. Simpkins will play cards to
-fiight; I want to watch you.” can’t
Miss Cmra—’-Why, Bobby, I,
play cards; what put such an idea into
your head?” *
Bobby—“Yes, you can; I heard pa tell
ma that you wouldn't have any trouble
about hooking Mr. Simpkins if you played
your cards well .”—Kearney Enterprise.
HOPE CRUSHED TO EARTH.
' “I’d like to ask you, sir,” said the
young man in hesitating tones, ‘ ‘might I
—might I—marry your daughter?”
“Humph,” replied her father, 4 ‘You
might—”
“Thank you, sir.”
“You might, I repeat, but it would be
one of the most inexplicable accidents
that ever happened in this country,”—
Washington Capital.
GAVE SIX YEARS TO HERSELF.
Widow’s Daughter—“Mamma, why
did you tell Mrs. Lamode that I am only
eighteen when I am really twenty-four?”
Widow—“Because eighteen is six
years under twenty-four, my dear.”
Daughter—“Yes, I know, but surely
I don’t need the benefit of those six years
at my age, do I?”
Widow—“Not at all, my child, but I
do. ’’—Binghamton Hepullican .
LOVE DID NOT IMPAIR HIS APPETITE.
Soldier (to cook)—“Ah, if you only
knew what my emotions are, how I am
drawn to you by an irresistible power—
may I dare confess to you my feelings?”
Cook—“Speak it right out, my dear,
you know I have long been fond of you.”
Soldier—“Ah, dear, good angel—but
you mustn’t refuse me.”
Cook—“Don’t be afraid—you make
me too happy.” hungry.”— Flic
Soldier—‘ ‘I—I—am -
ger.de Blaeiter.
THE END OF THE SEASON.
Maude—“Algernon, you know a ycai
ago I told you I would not marry you
until you had saved $10,000.”
Algernon—“Yes, but”—
Maude—“And six months ago I told
vou I thought we could get along on
$ 1000 .”
Algernon—“But still”—
Maude—“Well, how. much have you
by this time?”
Algernon—‘ ‘Exactly $36.62.
Maude—“Don’t you think that—that
—that is near enough?”— Time.
CLOSED FOR THE NIGHT.
Sharp Parent (at head of stairs)—
“Clara! It’s time for you to go to bed.”
Clara (in the parlor)—“Why, pa, Mr.
Greene is here!”
“Oh! I beg pardon. I thought it was
Mr. Brown, and I haven’t any patience
with Mr. Brown. He always kisses you
with such loud smacks that it wakes me
up. Stay as long as you please, Mr.
Greene. You are always welcome.”
Mr. Greene—“Um!—thank you, but I
was just getting ready to go, and I—I
promised"my chum I’d York be Weekly. back eaily.
Good-night !”—Neic
HOW RUSSIANS MUST LOVE THETR WIVES.
A Russian gentleman who has an
American wife met some friends of the
latter who were traveling in Europe re¬
cently, and among other things which he
told them concerning her was the fact
that she had been bitten by one of his
bloodhounds that had started out and
amuck sotos one day upon - his
esta *.„ The Americans were filled with
horror and were eager in their inquiries
in regard to what was done and if there
were any evil results from the wound.
“There were no bad consequences at
all,” he assured them. “I took a hot
iron and burned out the wound. It
smelled a little like mutton chops cook¬
ing, but I didn’t mifid that .”—New York
Mercury.
A LOSING SPECULATION.
Mrs. Chitchat (caller)—“Why, my
dear Mrs. Starvem, what is the matter?
y on j QoP distressed.”
Mrs. Starvem (boarding-house land¬
lady)—“Oh, the awfulest thing has hap¬ who
pened ! You remember Mr. Griggs,
used to board here at $9 a week ."and was
suc h a comfort to me?”
Mrs. C.—“Yes. You said he had
scarcely any teeth left, and could barely
ea t a thing. Didn’t cost any more tc
keep than a kitten.”
M rs . g.—“That’s the one. Oh, he’s a
villain! He came back yesterday, and 1
let him have board at only $8 a week,
and now I find lie’s got a new set of
false teeth, and eats like a horse .”—New
York Weekly.
THE ILLUSIVE POCKET.
Yellowly—“Why, Brownly, how bad
you look this morning. Diu you sleep
any last nights" wink.”
Brownly—“Not a
Y.—“Anybody sick?” i
B.—“I am.”
Y.—“What’s the matter?” -
B.—“Well, you see. my wife has been
in the habit ot going through my pock
ets at night, and I thought what was
good for the gander was good for the
goose, so after she fell asleep last night 1
arose and set out to go through hei
pocket.” auditing?”
Y.—“Get
B.—“No. Searched the dress over
and over, spent the whole night at it,
but couldn’t find the pocket.” —Bostor
Courier.
A French firm recently established at
San Francisco is canning large quantities
0 f c a Hf 0 mia vegetables for the European
market8 .
MyriadA of small black rats infest the
cornfields of Texas
If any d«»ler says he lias the W. I,. Donelsi
Shoos w ithout name anti price stamped on
the bottom, put him down as a fraud.
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W. L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE CENTLEMEN. FOR
Rent iu the world. Examine lii*
*5.00 §4.00 GKNUINK HANIKSEWKD SHOE.
HAND-SEWED WELT SHOE.
SX50 POLICE AND FAUMK'iiS’ SHOE.
**.50 EXTRA VALUE CALF SHOE.
S3.35 WORKINGMAN’S BOYS’ SHOE. SHOES
83.00 ami *1.75 SCHOOL
All made i:i Congress, Button and Lace.
W. L. DOUGLAS
S3 SHOE FOR
LADIES.
Best Material. Best Style. write Best Fitting.
i not sold by your doaier, BROCKTON, MASS.
W. L. DOUGLAS.
For Sale By
C • J. EDGE, *
Culiimhns <»ti.
The S terling Oft
Manufacturers of
*> 7 S!
I
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siSsiliMisr
I i
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THE STEMS PIANOS,
WHICH FOH
Quality of Tone, Beauty of Design,
FiKSSH and adaptability for stand¬
ing in Tun© havo no equal.
Every Piano Warranted for Five Years
And satisfaction guaranteed to every purchaser.
Also Manufacture the World-Renowned
STERLING ORGAN
Factories, Derby, Conn.
Dobbins' Electric Soap
THE BEST FAMILY SOAP
IN THE WORLD.
It is Strictly Pare .
P-TOHIi J fj l original formula for which we paid $50,00a
twenty years ago has never been modified or
changed in the slightest. This soap is
identical in quality to-day with
that made twenty years ago.
YT contains nntt'diig that can in*
A Jure the Hi nest fabric, It bright
ens co’ors aiid bleaches whites.
YT washes flannels and blankets os no other soap
them in tlie world does—without shrinking—leaving
soft and white and like new.
HEAD THIS TWICE
emu
■orcmsmjJZWBn n
qtHERE J of soap, is of a free fuel, Jit and mviBg of the fabric, of time, wiiere of labor, Dob¬
bins’ taoitH. Electric Soap is used accorilijstr to
f\Ti 53 trsal will demonstrate its great merit. It
will pay you to make that trial,
y IKK luted all hast, thijspsw, it is extensively imi
and counterfeited.
Bswaro of Imitations.
JNSIST ^ Magnetic, upon Electro-Magic, 1 Electric. iiiladciphiu Don’t Lkclric, fnlto
or any oilier fiv.ud. simply bec.m&c :t is cheap. T.’.cy
will ruin cbthes, and arc dear at any jir.ee. Ask fur
----.i>OJ?3IJT£J 5 I;L?:VV222C
and take do other. Nearly every grocer from M tine
to Mexico keeps it in stock, ii yours hasn't u, he
'will order from his nearcs: whoLtsa’a* gr cc.r.
'Q KAD carefully the insioe wrapper around each
Jj-h bar, rnd be careful to folios iV<Si n ciUtnH
or. each outside wrapper. You to
wait longer before trying for yourself ih:s old, reliable,
and truly vronderful
Dubbins 5 ? Elect r!o4> Soaa.
IS 8r IMF! vna
H V six cm
Bui do net use -he dar.gersus alial’no
and mcraariai prepanfiiCRS which destroy
your nervous system and ruin ; digestive
power c? the stomach. The vegetable king¬
dom gives us the 303 ’ ar.u safest roesdial
agerds. Dr. Sherman devoted ‘ha greater
part of his fire to Hie discovery ci this relia¬
ble zed safe remedy, and all Sis ingredients
are vegetable, tie gave if ike name ct
Prickly A m % ilffsrs l
a name every one can remember, anc to tha
present day nothing has been discovered tha!
is so beneficial for fbe OtSOO. far the
LIVER, STCiVIACK. for the KIDHEYS aad for the
This remedy is now so well
and favorably known by all who have used
if that arguments as la iis merits are use¬
less, and if others who require a correct¬
ive to the system would but give it a trial
the health cf this country would be vastly
improved. Remember the narno—PRICKLY
ASH BITTERS, Ash your druggist for it.
PRICKLY ASH BITTERS CO.,
ST. LOUIS, mo.
NEW HOUSE! HEW GOODS! i
NEW PRICES.
M. L,. PARKER,
HILTON, GEORGIA,
-DEALER I.V
General Merchandise, Dry-Goods 1 i
Groceries, Boots, Shoes, Clothing, &c.
Has just opened at the Hudson <P Johnston corner a stock of fresh
goods which low prices and courteous treatment must sell.
Cash paid for Country Produce—Chickens, Butter, Eggs, dtc.
C. SCHOMBDRG
WATCHMAKER AND JEWELER
■DEALES, 1ST
DIAMONDS, FINE JEWELRY
WATCHES, CLOCKS aid SILVERWARE,
Repairing Watohes, Clocks and Jewelry a Specialty.
No. 1115 Broad St, Columbus, Ga.
HARRISON’S SHOE STOKE,
1132 BROAD ST., COLUMBD S, GA
Everybody is invited to call and look at our stock of
BOOTS AND SHOES.
REGULAR “ALLIANCE” PRICES
ON EVERYTHING.
Hamilton Buggy Company
® IHLA-ZMIIIILTOIN - , OHIO, «< .
Mamifectnrers of Hamilton Grades of Vehicles.
BUGGIES.
EDITORIAL SPECIAL BUGGY OP ANY STYLE VEHICLE.
SPECIAL FEATURES :
Proportion, Durability, Pcrfootlon of* Finish.
This “ Mirror ” finish work is the best medium-priced work in the United States. I
WRITE FOR CATALOGUE. HAMILTON JiUGGY GO,
“Talbott” Engines; 1
BUY FROM MANUFACTUERS
DIRECT AND SAVE MIDDLE
MAN'S PROFIT.
Engines, Boilers, Saw Mills, Corn Mills, and
General Machinery
Eagle” Cotton Gins, “Boss” Cotton Press, Cotton Seed Elevaters, Etc Ft,
Write us for CircularsNaming Your Wants.
FACTORY I TALBOTT k SONS. MACON 6 A
RICHMOND, VA.
J C Weaver, Manager
PRICES YOU SHOULD NOT RESIST
GHANOELLOB & PEAECE
COLUMBUS, GA.
Continue to sell every thing in their store at close prices
preparatory to moving in their new quarters.
The stock must be reduced at once.
Clothing, Hats, Furnishing, and Evervtning.
Cail or mail your orders direct to them.
CHANCELLOR & PEARCE,
COLUMBUS, GA.
§ ur Merchant and Tailoring depart¬
ment is full of the latest and most at¬
tractive Suitinasinthe south.
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CARRIAGES.
50 years hpericene
Established 1839