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WANTS HAMB, NOT ARTIS TS.
-—fa:—
’ A Mario SMI Manager-' CoaaptataS* * A*-
ton Who Are Abore Their Baain ■>
“Idon’t WKht any more artists, ' said
the music hall manager who gat > the
burlesque. “The people I wanj are
hams and nothing bat oanm. Whenever
I get an application from an actor who
calls himself an artist, I'm going to
tear up the'letter for fear I might lose
my presence of mind and engage him.
If the play's a success, the artist did it
If it’s a. failure, it was the author.
Sometimes I wonder, when I hear the&a
artists talk, what is the use of their ever
haring plays written for them at all.
They're independent of the dramatists,
and I should think they would just step
on the stage and talk their plays. But
they don’t.do that They merely con
tent themselves with refusing, to speak
this or that line because it’s'rotten,*
substituting something of their own,
and then saying it’s' the fault of the au
thor that nobody laughs at thoir stupid
gags. I happened ,hb have a bunch of
’em here, and that lasted me for the
rest of my life. Hereafter I’m out of
it” .
“What »re artiste?” ashed the inno
• cent.
“They’re chiefly actors who’re con
demned 1 to come and act in the music
hallo foe three. times as much, asthey
ever got in their lives before. What
they do is to call everything rotten, de
cidethat they know more about the
play than the man who wrote it and
walk around as though it were beneath
them to dio anything moro like acting
than that when it came to the question
of actingin a musichall.”-
“ are they—the sori
of hams you mean?” -
* 'They’re chiefly variety actors accus
tomed to hard work, rough maybe, with
a qualftyotget there that makes the.
audience interested. They’ve, come up,
andthe artists thiuk they.’ve gone down.
The difference is between trying to do
something well, because E 'it’s the best
opportunity you’ve had, and taking no
interest at all in it because you’ve been
in the habit of Soing.what you think is
better.”
“But isn’t it better, as Sam Bernard
says, to be a has been than a never was
it?"
“Maybe it is, but it’s rough on the
manager who pays his money out for
them. I had one of them here, and he
was going to be so original that he
would not use the lines the author
wrote, but promised to tickle the audi
ence to death by some entirely original
grinds of his own. When the test came,
he went on the stage and did the same
things he had done 11 years before. He
was never able to do anything else dur
ing the rest of the time. I had some
others like him, and that is why I say
now that I only want hams, not artists
—hams that work hard and know how
to make an audience enjoy itself, not
artists too fine for anything.”—New
York Sun.
F«,h Fifi Fnr Northern Market*.
Fresh figs are not known or appreci
ated in northern markets, and conse
quently the demand is too limited to
encourage shipments. It seems doubt
ful if the distant shipment of fresh figs
will ever become a profitable business.
The fruit is more perishable than any
other that is generally marketed. It can
be handled only by the most careful
and experienced persons, and even then
it is not in a condition to show its best
quality. Bipening in midsummer, when
the northern markets are crowded with
many well known fruits and not being
especially attractive to the eye, fresh
figs would at best gain favor slowly.
The fact that many people do not care
for them at the first would be another
obstacle in the way of their popularity.
Moreover, the fig is a tedious crop to
handle when in proper condition for the.
market It is necessary to pick the treel
over carefully every day during the sea
son or much fruit will be overripe.
With large trees this involves much la
bor. The acrid juice of the immature
fig cats into the fingers of the pickers
and packers, while rainy weather oc
casions heavy loss by the cracking of
the fruit, which renders it unfit for
market —Southern States.
Home Duties of Indian Children.
There are home duties as well as
pleasures for the children. Boys are re
quired to look after the ponies, to lend
a hand in planting, to help in the har
vest, and they are often made to do ac
tive dirty as scarecrows in the newly
planted field, where, like little Bopeep,
they fall fast asleep. The girls help to
gather wood, bring water and look after
the younger ones. As they grow older
they are taught to cut, sew and make
gannffitts. In former days, theold Onm
has say, no girl was considered mar-
Mdgeable until she had learned to tan
skins, make tents and clothing, prepare
meat lor drying and could cultivate
corn and beans, while a young man who
had not learned to make his own wea
pons and to be a skillful hunter was not
considered fitted to take upon himself
the reaponMUUties es the provider of a
family.—“ Home Life Among the In
dians, ” by Alice C. Fletcher, in Cen
tury.
A Feoriltar Dutch Custom.
A peculiarity among Dutch farmers
who live at a distance from a town is
to have a coffin in readiness for their
burial. It is by no means uncommon to
see a still sturdy old patriarch going to
an outhouse and gravely contemplating
that which is to hold his body when be
shuffles off this mortal coil. This char
* acteristic has also appeared in President
Kruger, who has recently imported a
coffin, and at a cost, too, of £IOO.
Precautionary Measure.
Patient—-Isn’t it a little dangerous to
administer anaesthetics? Must be terri
ble to have one die in your chair after
you have given him ether.
Dentist—Yes. It was for that reason
that we adopted a rule that where an
anaesthetic is administered the patient
must pay in advance.—Boston Tran
script.
S ICELAND PONIEB.
They Ara Docile and Marvels st BtroagMi
and Endurance. "
If the camel is the ehip of the desert, the
Iceland pony is the cab, train, omnibus
and tram car of the wonderful country to
which he belongs. To begin with, be is a
misnomer. He is pot a the ordi
nary sense of the word. He M • boras in
bone and sinew, in strength and endur
ance, in mannersand deportinent—a bene
in everything, in fact, except inches, and
a sober, steady, hardworking horse too.
He Is a Very ‘‘multuin in parvo,” a “con
centrated essence” of horseflesh. He can
swim like a fish, climb like a goat and
jump like a deer. He sticks, at nothing
and takes every variety of travel—bog,
lavabed, sand, bowlders and grasa mounds
—With undisturbed equanimity. If ho
has to ford oue or two rivers, with strong
currents flowing girth deep, it is all in
the day’s work. Only give him time and
periodical halts for refreshment and he
will do bis 60 miles per day ,and thrive up
on it.
Iceland ponies pre bred in hundreds in
the large grass plains in the southern dis
tricts of the island. Little or no care is
taken in selection, so the breed remains
unaltered and unimproved, the average
pony standing, 4rpm 11&. .to 12 bands,
though here and there one will reach to
nearly 13 hands. Every variety of color is
seen, but skewbalds of many shades are
the commonest. The chestnuts, as a rule,
are the finest and thabro wns the hardiest.
Beautifulcreameolors, with light.points,
arc not Infrequent. Black la. very rure.
and roan also, Their paces are fast, con
sidering the size of tho anjmal, a journey
of 82 milto being often done |h Six hours
or less, with heavy, baggage. They Wot,
canter and gallop, but the pace most es
teemed by the natives is the amble or
“skeld,” in which the fore and hind legs
on a side *m advanced simultaneously,
giving a running action, very smooth to
the rider. A good pacer is considered very
valuable and often sold for a high price.
Some of, these ponies amble so fast that
they keep ahead of another going at a band
gallop, and th ®y maintain the pace for p
day ’s journey ..under, a weight of 11 to 14.
stone. Iceland ponies are steady and fast
in harness, though wheels are a compayi-’
tively new departure in their country,.
They travel mostly in strings, often tied
head and tail. Hay, baggage and house
hold goods are thus transported, and
building materials also. You meet a“tim
bur lector, ” or timber team, of from eight
to ten ponies, one carryingplanks trailing
on each side, another strips of iron, an
other bundles of tools; a certain number
of spare animals running loose, and not
infrequently a foal or two.
It is as rare to see a dead Iceland pony
as a dead donkey, though their skulls are
often visible, half trodden into the miry
ways surrounding the farms. The pony
begins work at 6 or 7 years—hard Work,
that Is to say. He is early apprenticed to
his trade by following his mother at her
avocations and when he is footsore is
strapped upon her back. He work* well
up to 20 years and over and often remains
fairly sound to a ripe old age. He feeds
on the fat of the land in summer, and in
winter, if his owner is poor, must live on
bis wits and iris stored condition. Farm
ers who are fairly well off keep their ani
mals in during winter and feed them on
hay, but notwithstanding many of the
ponies have a hard time of it. The Ice
landers, however, keep their steeds as well
as their means allow and treat them alto
gether in a brotherly fashion, and the S.
P. C. A. would seldom find scope for its
activity, except, possibly, in the improve
ment of bitting and gearing. Taking it
all around, the Iceland pony is certainly
not less happy—very often far happier—
than his bigger brothers in the south, and
his endurance, placidity and docility make
him a favorite in other lands besides his
own, while fitting him for his home du
ties in a manner which could not be sur
passed and must be tested to be fully un
derstood.—London Globe.
How He Got a Divorce.
Here is a Judge Gary story: It was a
bigamy case, and the accused man, after
living two years with the second woman,
had agreed to plead guilty. But this was
only after he had secured solemn assur
ance from the state attorney that his
consequent sentence would absolutely di
vorce.hhn from wife No. 2. He wished it
understood that he was willing to suffer a
term In the penitentiary if on release that
superfluous woman, whom he had taken
as a result of great misapprehension,
would have do possible claim upon him.
So he went into court.
“You fully understand what the plea of
guilty means, do you?” asked Judge Gary,
regarding the devoted man with great
kindness.
“Yes, your honor
“It will be my duty tn that case to sen
tence you to the penitentiary. You un
derstand that?”
“Yes, your honor. Anything to get
free.”
Judge Gary seemed to be writing a mo
ment, and then he said grimly .and with
out looking up: “I suppose there are some
things beside which prison would boa re
lief. Any relative or friend of the defend
ant in court?”
A solitary woman stood up In the
benches and said in a rasping, nerve shat
tering voice:
“I’m his second wife, judge.”
The man of law looked at her without
lifting his head or suspending his pretend
ed writing. Then he said in his usual
searching tone: “Some things beside
which prison would be a relief. You ought
to be willing to take three years.” The
prisoner nodded cheerfully. “Then I will
give you one year. You seem to have had
the other two before they arrested you. ”
Chicago Post. >
/A,
The Campaign “Orator.”
One of the saddest things about a cam
paign is the fact that a great many men
who haven't sense enough to pound sand
go about making wild and Incoherent
speeches for Tom, Dick and Harry. Gen
erally they are gentlemen who are out of
work and who couldn’t earn 60 cents a
month at honest toil, yet they have no hes
itation whatever in telling the people how
to run the municipal machine without
losing money on it. Their speeches are
poor, halting, stammering efforts that
make reasonable men sigh and moan, but
the gifted gentlemen are totally uncon
scious of this, for they continue to whoop
it up for their ehosen candidate, just as
though they were making the hit of their
lives. Before the campaign is at an end
they accumulate such a gall that they
come to Imagine themselves gifted osatotv
upon whom the mantie of Henry Clay has
settled for keeps, and whenever they go
out to take a walk they think that every
body along the street is pointing the finger
of admiration at them. The fact is the av
erage man has no business trying so) make
a speech. Such seldom fail to make sick
ening sixjctacles of themselves whenever
they attempt it.—New York Telegram.
CUSTARD PIE ASSf CIATION.
Ito Annual Meeting, Held I let Day, Is a
Itoyol Fcm*.
Unique among the organ]z ttona of New
England is the Hartford ( de.) Custard
Pie association. Its very n ma is mang
ier I! re as |o excite curiosity onoerning its
fongln, its history and what is done at its
I annual meetings. The association started
(in -ather a commonplace manner. One
! told winter morning In 18-w William B,
Cushman and Charles Irish, neighboring
farmers of the towfi, ritet after somo pre
liminary bantering, during whtah aach
claimed to be able to eat the most oustard
pie, and appointed the following fata day
for a oustard pie eating contest, their
wives to be nooks and judges.
At the stated time they met with their
wives and two huge custard pies at Mr.
Irish’s saphouse, in his maple orchard,
and Mr. Cushman, who had spent the
forenoon in walking over tho great hills as
a fort of training for the oocaaipn, proved
the better pie eater. The next fast day
several other farmays of tho neighborhood,
with their families, joined them, and the
meeting was changed from a pie eating
contest to a social gathering. After this
they met each fast day, and the story of
their good times spread until almost all
the farmers, wife their families, for miles
in every direction joined the association.
The last meetfog of this prosperous as
sociation was held at the residence of Wil
liam B. Cushman., About 60 persona at
tended, each bringing a huge custard pie
baked in a two gallon milk can. During'
tho forenoon, while the women were pre
paring the dinner, the men passed the
time rolling ninepins, pitching horseshoes,
playing cards and tn other rural amuse
ments.
When dinner was announced, a scene
wag presented such ay never was seen else
where In New England and probably never
In the world. The long tables extending
along the spacious rooms were loaded with
the great two gallon eustard pies, made,
of freshly laid eggs, rich new milk and
cream, sweetened with such fresh maple
sugar as city lips seldom taste, baked as
only country housewives can bake when
they make the effort of their 11 ves, slightly
.browned bn top and sprinkled with fra
jpfont nutmeg. When this unrivaled deli
cacy was washed down with simmered
maple sap or country cider, sparkling with
the sunshine the apples had stored the
previous summer, it seemed the nearest
approach to the fabled nectar of the gods
that human skill had ever attained.
Toasts were proposed and happy responses
made.
After dinner the men again rolled nine
pins, pitched horseshoes and engaged in
other pastimes while the women cleared
the tables and prepared the rooms. Then
fiddlers appeared, and the party passed tho
evening in the merry whirl of country
danoes.— Boston Herald.
The Seed Record Broken.
Over 20,000,000 packages of vegetable,
flower and field seeds have been distributed
by the department of agriculture during
the past spring. This distribution has
• given to each member of congress 40,000
packages of seeds at a total cost of >1 >O,OOO.
Over 1,000,000 of these packages were
flower seeds and nearly 800,000 field seeds,
the balance being a great variety of vege
tables. In the entire distribution nearly
every variety of vegetable known to the
agriculturists was distributed. There
were >2 varieties of beans, 10 varieties of
beets, 23 varieties of cabbage, 11 varieties
of carrots, 10 Varieties of sweet corn, 18
kinds of cucumbers, 80 kinds of lettuce,
19 varieties of muskmelons, 17 kinds of
watermelons and 16 varieties of onions.
The entire amount of surds distributed
was sufficient to plant an area of 866
square miles, or about six times the else
of the District of Columbia.
This is the largest distribution of seeds
over attempted by the department of agri
culture, and it is said that seedsmen all
over the country are complaining that
they do not make sales to farmers and
others because they are getting all the seeds
they want free from the department of
agriculture,
The distrlbuttofa of seeds in 1898 amount
ed to 8,800 packages for each • member of
congress, at a total cost of 186,648*; in
1894 each congressman got 16,000 pack
ages, the entire cost to the government be
ing >67,000; In 1896 the number of pack
ages of seeds distributed was the same as
in the previous year, but the total cost
was reduced to >47,000. In 1896 congress
men got 16,000 packages each, and the
government paid >80,600 for the whole lot.
During the past spring each member of
congress has received 40,000 packages of
seeds, for which the government has paid
>lßo,ooo.—Washington Star.
Manner of an Introduction.
It is mortifying to note how many per
sons pay little or no heed to what may be
styled the etiquette of introductions. To
the lover of good form then is something
that sets one’s teeth on edge on hearing an
introduction so worded that a woman is
presented to a man or an elderly woman
to a young one. The rules with regard to
Introductions are so simple and sensible
that it would seem that the wayfaring
man or woman, though a fool, could
scarcely err therein. A man is always in
troduced to a woman, and it may be well
in passing to add that a lady’s permission
should usuaßy.be hiked before such a pre
sentation is made. It is a simple matter
to say, “Miss Smith, may I present to
you, Mr. Jones?” before uttering the for
mal, “Miss Smith, allow me to introduce
Mr. Jones.” ,
The man is, of course, always brought
to the Woman whom he is to meet. The
woman should never be led to the man.
These rules mightseem superfluous were
it not that one so often observes their in
fraction among people who should know
better. At a tea a matron who years be
fore had arrived at the dignity of a grand
mother was piloted by her hostess to a
young girl of 20, and they were made
known to each other in the well meant
words: “Mrs. Knight, I want to present
you to my dear little friend, Mabel Day
Mabel, dear, this is Mrs. Knight, of whom
you have so often heard me speak.”
If the ladies were amused by the speech,
they were so well versed in that knowledge
of good form in which their hostess was
lacking that they showed no consciousness
of her error.—Harper’s Bazar.
Indiana Employed aa Train “•pnitera."
An educated Pueblo Indian boy and a
squaw, attired in full Indian regalia, have
been traveling over the Atchison, Topeka
and Santa Fe road between KI Paso and
Trinidad for the past month, paying rail
road faros in cash to the oonduetaraand
acting as “spotters.” As a result eight
or ten passenger conductors bars been de
tected in “knockingdown”and have been
discharged. It is said this is tbs first time
in history that innocent looking Indians
have been employed in the secret service
of any railroad company.—Beata Fe Let
ter in St. Louis Gio be-Demomat.
A HARVEST OF HUMAN HAIR.
Mnitewaf FaimdsSrorr TaarCMTUogted
D » In Commerce.
Perlis pc there Is no staple article
•bout which less is known by ths aver
age person than human hair as an ar
ticle of commerce. It will doubtless
surprise many when it is stated that
the dealers in human hair goods do nos
depend on chance clippings here and
there, but that there is a regular hair
harvest that can always be relied upon.
It is estimated that over 18,000,000
pounds of human hair are used annu
ally in the civilised world for adorning
the heads of women. In New York city
•lone over four tons of thia clam of
goods are imported yearly.
“Not a little of the hair used in this
country, ” said a New York dealer to
the writer, “comes from the heads of
American women, and it is fully as fine
in shade and texture as tho imparted ar
ticle. We had a big harvest during the
erase that the fair sex had not long ago
for having their hair cut short. Many
thousands of women who then had their
locks sheared have since bitterly regret
ted it, as in many instances their hair
has grown so slowly that they have
been compelled to wear a wig or a
switch since the fashion changed. After
She majority of women reach the age of
:*0 the hair seems to partially lose its
SWT, and if cut it will not grow long
“Two-thirds of the ladies nowadays
OSS false hair more or less. The decree
of fashion, or the desire to conceal a de
tect or heighten a charm, is the reason
of course. One woman, for instance,
has • high forehead and wishes to re
duce it in appearance. Another. has
worn off the front hair by continued
frizsing and would like to conceal the
fact Both make use of a front or top
piece, with a choice of many styles.
“Ladies’ wigs cost from >2O to |«G0;
half wigs, top pieces and switches from
>lO to >OO, according to quality.
“The largest supply of hair comes
from Switzerland, Germany and ths
French provinces. There is a human
hair market in Merlans, in. the depart
ment of the lower Pyrenees, held every
Friday. Hundreds Os hair traders walk
up and down the one street of the vil
lage, their shears dangling from their
belts, and inspect the braids which the
peasant girls, standing on the steps of
the houses, let down for inspection. If
a bargain is struck, the hair is cut and
the money paid on the spot, the price
varying from 60 cents to >6 in our
money.
"A woman’s hair may grow to the
length of 0 feet, and I know a lady
who has been offered and refused >SOO
for her crown of glory, which is over
6 feet long. A single female hair will
bear up a weight of four ounces with
out breaking, but the hair thus heavily
weighted must be dark brown, for blond
hair breaks under a strain of >X ounces.
There axe some 2,000 importers, manu
facturers and deltas in hmnan hair in
the United States.— Washington Star.
Valorous Cow*.
The editor of the Condon (Or.) Globe
sawa deed of cow valor that was worth
recording as well m seeing. A herd of
cattle, and among them two cows, ac
companied by their calves, were graz
ing in tall dead grass when the calves
became separated a little from the rest
of the herd. •
Just then two huge, hungry coyotes,
crept up through the grass, cut off the
calves from the rest of the cattle and
started in pursuit of them. After run
ning about 200 yards the calves came
to a high, five wire, barbed wire fence,
and, being small, managed to get
through it On the other ride of the
fence was an open pasture.
The wolves quickly followed the
calves through the fence and were rap
idly running them down on the other
side, when the two cow mothers discov
ered what was going on. Each uttered
• loud bellow, hoisted her tail and
started for the rescue.
It appeared to be a hopeless chase,
for |be wire fence intervened, and the
cows were certainly much too large to
get through it They knew well enough
that it:was there, and could, besides,
see ft plainly, but both eows plunged
together straight into ft
The watching editor, horrified, look
ed to see them hurled back, frightfully
wounded, but instead one of the posts
gave way under the onslaught, the
wires sank down, and in another mo
ment the mothers were on the posture
side of the fence, badly cut and bleed
ing, but still able to charge the wolves
successfully and put them to flight
Soon the cows were licking the res
cued calves affectionately, and ths coy
otes were howling a disappointed duet
from the summit of a knoll near by.
Cat ItaakaU.
Cat baskets are made especially fer
the convenient carrying of cate in trav
eling, and they are also used to some
extent for small dogs. Those of Ameri
can manufacture are made of whois
willow and are oblong in shape. Cel
baskets imported from Germany are
rather more costly, and are made of
split willow. The German cat basket is
oval in form, made larger al the top
than at the bottom, and with the top
finished rounding. There is in the side
of the basket a grated door of willow
rods, which opens on hinges and gives
the oat light and aft In each end of
the basket, higher up than the door,
there is a small square window.
Cat baskets are made in various sizes,
and in the course of a year there are
sold a considerable number of them.—
New York Bun.. ’
»■' . 11- ■' i ■
Perhap* 8b« Came Dowa Toe.
She—So you are engaged to Mias
Spry?
He—Yes, but it’s a big come down
for me.
She—Why, I thought she was such a
sweet girl
He—She is, but she rooms on the
first floor and I’m on the eighth.—Now
York Journal 4
\ ..
AN OPEN LETTER
To MOTHERS.
WE ARE ASSERTING IN THE COURTS OUR RIGHT TO THE . ..IS
EXCLUSIVE USE OF THE WORD “CASTOBIA AND
“PITCHER’S CASTORIA,” as our trade mark.
Z t DR. SAMUEL PITCHER, 0/ Hyannis, Massachusetts,
908 the originator gs “PITCHER'S CASTORIA Z the same
that has borne and does now on
bear the facsimile signature of wrapper.
This is the original “ PITCHER'S CASTORIA,” which has been
used in the homes qf the Mothers Ojf for ewer thirty
gears. LOOK CAREFULLY at the wrapper and see thpt it is
the hind you Imve always bought
and has the signature of wrap-
per. No one has authority from me to use my name ex
cept The Centaur Company qf which Chas. H. Fletcher is
President- j
Do Not Be Deceived.
Do not endanger the life of your child by accepting
.a cheap substitute which some druggist may offer >o’,> y
(because he makes a few more pennies oh ft), the ih- i
gradients of which even he docs not know.
“The Kind You Have Always Bought”
BEARS THE FAC-SIMILE SIGNATURE Or
Insist on Having
The Kind That Never Failed You.
TMK OCMTAUH TT MVMMAY NSW «|TV.
—GET YOTTH
JOB PRINTING
DONE
The Morning Call Office.
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* • t
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Our prices for work of all kinds will compare favorably with those obtained tub
any office in the state. When you want fob printing dficrifikn frte vt
call Satisfaction guaranteed.
ALL WORK DONE
With Neatness and Dispatch.
Out of town orders will receive
prompt attention.
J. P. & S B. SawteU.
CtNTBIL 01GEORGIA RAILWAY CO.
-5> ♦
Schedule in Effect Jan. 9, 1898.’
MB IBS MS MS S3S
SUsui taopm 912 am Lv Griffin Ar Sl3pn SsSan •ijam
9188 m ««pm Sttam Ar Barnlie Lv s42pro 9ao> *4.a»
n4Bpmtl2Mpm Av— - Thomaston. Ev IXoopro W«am
SHE isE If 585
ttE I MS
lSun T for X SSraaa and* Carrollton leaves Griffin at »>s am. and 150 pm daily axcept
Sunday. Beturntna. arrtves tn Griffin 620 p m and 12 46 p m dally except Bunday. For
further InfonMtion apply te fi
r fHBO. D. KLINE. Ge7lßuptaßavanaah.aa> MM
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