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Stic itlionlpimorg Jtlrniitor.
D. C. Sutton, Editoriand Proprietor.
THE JOKER'S BUDGET.
PI.KASANT 1 THINGS TO SMILE OVER
-NO CHESTNUTS HKKK.
Sho Knew Him—On Ihe School Honcho*—
BrotherlT I.ovc—On a sirikc-A Simple
Child—Odda Jc Enda. &c., &e.
CAN T SIT ON SCHOOL BENCHES.
The small boy was present in the par
lor, when his auburned haired sister was
having company. Phrenology was the
subject of conversation, and after the
visitor had had his little say. the auburn
haired sister (who likes to have the color
of her hair called anything but auburn)
remarked:
“Do you remember Professor Karil,
the phrenologist? You know a number
of us girls invited him out one evening
to read our heads. I had mine read
at that time. “Yes” chimed in the
small boy, “and its been that way ever
since.”
Nothing happened to him just then,
for his sister forced herself to smile.
But what followed alter the company
left, the company, of course cannot tell;
the small boy hasn’t been seen at school
this week. —' Pittsburgh Press.
CHICAGO SOCIETY NOTE.
Another genial imbecile, who wore
about $20,000 worth of big, vulgar dia
monds, smilingly assured Mr. Lowell
that although she had never met him
before, she had always felt as if she was
well acquainted with him “for” she
added, “my maiden name was Bigelow.”
Chicago Morning JS'e.ns.
walkin’.
“So your husband hasn't any wurrk,
Mrs. Sullivan, all on account of the
sthnke? Naythur has mine, bad luck
to it ” “Well, how is it then ye’s walkin’
about lookin so happy loike, with a
new 6ale skin jacket and ” Oh, it’s
jist the walkin' as does it. Me husband's
diligit, ye see—a walkin’ wan.’—Har
per i lb kly.
snE wouldn’t.
A western town has a female sheriff.
Decently she arrested a man, and he,
hoping to flatter her to let him escape,
told her she was the handsomest woman
he ever saw. And did she let him es
cape? No! She wouldn’t let that man
out of her sight, anyway, but wanted
him around all the time. Trickery is
sure to fail in the end. Texas Siftings.
THEY ARBITRATED.
An old tramp who had agreed to saw
wood for half an hour for his breakfast
from a Baltimore woman quit at the
seventh stick and said - “Madam, I have
struck for more breakfast and less wood;
are you willing to arbitrate?” “Cer
tainly,” she replied, and she left the
case in the hands of her bull dog, who
ran the tramp half a mile and decided
that a lockout was inevitable.
A V. ICE RAISED FOR THE GREAT WEST.
Uncle Seth (from Chicago, who has
been asked to meet Lord and Lady
Haegergags): “It’s jest like your little
island to swell up over the fish question,
because you know you can git at these
Down East seaports, but if you want ter
git the perarie swept up with yer, come
out West, Lord, an’ try ter bluff us on
th’ beef question.”— Till Bits.
IT was later.
In the parlor, 11 p. m :
“Pave you any idea what time it is?”
he asked, after he had talked her to
sleep three or four times and waked her
up as often by laughing boisterously at
his own brilliant cbolutions of wit,humor
and burlesque.
“Really, I haven’t,” she replied wear
ily.
“It certainly must be time I was go
ing home,” he continued, as he made a
move in the right direction.
“Oh, I am sure it is very much later
than that,”she said, sweetly and inno
cently, and then he went away with a
hideous suspicion in his manly bosom. —
Washington Critic.
a collector.
A young lawyer in this section several
years ago went to a merchant and asked
for some accounts to collect, saying he
had been very successful in that line.
The merchant said: “Yes, I will try you;
here is an account of $lO against your
self. If you are successful in collecting
this account come Pack and I will give
you some more.” —Sumpta (6’a.) Repub
lican.
standing dp.
Countryman (in the gallery of the
stock exchange)-How much does it
cost, mister, to do business down there?
Mister—The seats, I think, are worth
about SOO, f 00.
Countryman (fetching his breath) —
Gosh, I don’t wonder most of era stand
up. - - Ljc.
CHILD AT WASHINGTON.
“Who are all those men lounging
around outside the capitol ?”
Parent —“They are United States sen
ators, my child.”
“Are there any mote senators besides
them ?”
“Only one ”
“Where is he ? ’
“He is inside making a speech ”
Omaha World.
SHE kxzw HIM.
She sat beside me at the play
In all her girlish loveliness,
While in the box across* the way
A dowager in gorgeous dress
Sat. while the diamonds glittered bright,
On wrinkled nock and shoulders t are;
*• Ah, were those gems my own, ’ I cried,
“I’d find for them a place more fsir.”
“ Sweetheart," I whispered, “ need I toll
Where I would have those gems repose?"
Bhe faltered not (she know mo well;,
“ Why, with your uncle, I suppose!"
—Chicago Tr bunt. ;
BROTHERLY LOVE.
Mr. Ilcnry Willard and Mr. Joseph.
Willard are two brother millionaires in
Washington, who do not cultivate the
virtue of brotherly love. Mr. Henry
\\ illard gave an entertainment, and
, sent a card to Joseph, reading: “Mr.
and Mrs. Henry Willard. At homo
, J aim a v 15, from nine to eleven p. m.”
Whereupon Joseph sent a card to Henry
reading: “Mr. and Mrs. Joseph \\ illard
also at home January 15, from nine to
eleven r. m ” That was short, sweet
TSid graphic.— Codon IT raid.
SIIH KNEW WHO THE MAN WAS.
Servant Girl (to mistress)—There is a
gentleman at the door.”
Mistress —Did he give you his name ?
“No he gave me a kiss.”
“Oh, that’s my brother Tom. Let
him in.”— 'Texas Siftings.
A BOW OV PROMISE.
“Did Charley come to see you Sunday
night, Ella?’ asked Clara.
“Why, no; it rained too hard. Did
Fred come to see you?”
“Certainly. He always comes—rain
or shine.”
“He must be a rain beau then ”
ODDS AND ENDS.
Perhaps you have noticed that it is
the man who shakes hands the most
that is the hardest to shake.
A sci''NTisr asserts that it is impos
sible to force gas through g ass. This is
probably the reason why a man quits
talking when he has a bottle to his lips.
“Din you take the street car down this
morning ?” inquired Gussy. “No, deah
boy. '1 he street caws took me down
town, don’t you know. Haw ! liaw !”
An exchange says that the “tramp
tolls not, neither doth lie spin.” Don’t
you believe it. No yarn in the world
equals that which is spun by the tramp.
A max will not submit to living called
either a puppy, a hound, or a cur, but
if he is pronounced a sad dog, he ac
cepts the stigma as if it were a compli
ment.
People may go to prayer-meetings
and sing. “I want to be an angel,”
but they are mighty sure to call the doc
tor in as soon as they have the slightest
ailment.
When Frank James, the ex-railroad
bandit, paid hi* first freight bill since
going into bu mess, he is said to have
shed tears because he had never known
what “train robbery” was before.
“I say old man, you know MissGreeno
very well. Does she keep Lent ?” Keep
it ? W hy, my dear fellow, she's a most
notorious gossip She never keeps any
thing; she gives everything away.”
“In Armenia the bride is not allowed
to speak in the presence of her hus
band’s mother.” A legend exists that
in America there are times when the
husband is not allowed to speak in the
presence of his wife’s mother.
“How styles have changed since 1
was a girl,” said an old lady. “When I
was young we used to wear our dresses
up to the neck and gloves with only one
button. Now they wear the gloves up
to the neck and only one button on the
dress.”
Talmage said in his lecture the other
niirht that “ the man who can sing and
won’t sing should be sent to Sing Sing.”
That would be too severe. It is the
man who can’t sing and will sing who
should be sent to Sing Sing. I*. S.—
for ninety-nine years.
Little Dick — “l hope Canada and
this country will fight ” Mamma—•
“You mustn t talk that way.” “Well.
I do hope so, an’ I hope this country
will get licked like everything. ’ “Why,
Dick, what good would that do ?”
“Then we wouldn’t have no more cod
liver od.”
Emulating the Example of Solomon.
A habeas corpus case was brought
before Judge Dickon for trial last week
for the possession of a colored baby,
says the Henry County, (hi., Weekly.
There was an able array of counsel for
both claimants. Both sides proved so
much that Judge Dickon was in doubt
about who really was tho owner of the
child.
Bethinking himself of a Bible prece
dent the Judge proceeded to grab the
baby by the leg, reached down in his
girdle and pulled out his bowie ltnife
and proposed to do the square tiling by
the claimants by slicing the baby in two.
Both claimants, thinking the Judge had
a right to divide the baby, rushed
frantically up to him saying:
“Boss, don’t kill him. You may inive
him.”
The Tricky Merchant.
A citizen said ihe other day concern
ing a city merchant: “I have no deal
ings with that man because I do not
think he is honest.” The friend re
monstrated at this expression, remark
ing that he had always considered the
merchant to be upright and honorable.
He received the following reply: “1
do not know whether I am justified in
calling the merchant dishonest, but J
base my suspicions on these facts: I
have been in ihe habit of sending my
office boy to his place to buy certain
small articles that I have needed, and I
have noticed that very often he sells to
this child imperfect articles, and gives
him for change mutilated currency or
Canadian money, which he knows per
fectly well older persons would not take,
as they are not acceptable in current
transactions. 1 think, that a merchant
who will take advantage of a child in
this wav would take advantage of an
adult if he could, and I prefer not to
do business with such persons.” —A (ha
Journal.
JIT. VERNON. MONTGOMERY CO., GA., WEDNESDAY. APRIL 27, 1887.
THE BLIND INVESTOR.
lie Works with His Fingers Instead
of His Eyes.
Herr Franz Fortolka, a former lieu
tenant in the Austrian army, during the
first campaign in Bosnia, received a
shot in his right eye, which destroyed
the optic nerve, and indirectly so lilreet
od the left eye (lint flits poor officer, now
only twenty eight years old, has been
for the lust nine years totally blind.
But without the use of his eyesight this
ingenious man has invented during
these years not only a new magazine rifie,
but also two machines for tile anti-oxida
tion of iron, steel and other metals at a
cost which must be called ridicu
lously small; further an apparatus for
automatical mapping, a new micrometer,
a new sort of gunpowder, not to speak
of smaller inventions which found their
way nto the lessor industrial establish
ments of Vienna, and saved the inventor
from starvation, as Ids greater discover
ies, far from bringing him money ns yet,
necessitate an outlay which he can only
afford bv extreme personal privations.
“My ritle,” complained the unfortunate
inventor, “would have long lieen in tho
hands of the British Government had
the advance money which 1 obtained
from a private person in London been
more than twenty pounds, which did not
suffice for the wages of the one work
man who assists mo and tin* necessary
material. Now at last it is finished, and,
though T may fall into the fault of all
inventors, I consider it the best rifle ex
isting, lining without the disadvantage
of other machine rifles, and with many
advantages over them. 1 can prove by
my Austrian and German patents of
some five years ago that the straight
pull system, which distinguishes every
modern rifie and in itself, without the
tin l machine, secures the double effect
lias been iny invention. Upon this and
upon other appropriations in the same
line by different successful inventors I
do not lay any stress. There is my new
rifle, which, in short, lias tho following
advantages: It can bo used as a single
loader even with an attached magazine,
the cartridges are not thrown into the
magazine in a loose form, but lie ono
above the other, without the possibility
of placing them wrongly, the magazine
can bo attached or not at will, all parts
are solid, no spiral spring exists in the
rifle, the price of my weapon with roy
alty and everything else will bo under
two pounds. Every old system, vith
the exception of Werndl’s, can be used
for transformation into my rifle, at a
cost of eight or ten shillings-—lohs in
case (if Gras, Manser, Ben.lan or Beau
mont, and something more in ihe case
of the Henry Martini.”
“And how can you make any inven
tion, ('specially such a complicated one
as a rifle, without, unfortunately, being
able to see the separate parts, and how
are your devices carried out by the
workman ?”
“I see with my fingers, and not in
one single case have they deceived me.
Its really curious that when great or
minute measurements are in question,
those who see with their eyes are wrong,
and I, with the use of my fingers, am
right. The models for my machines
against oxidation of metals were en
tirely made by myself from carved wood
with the help of a string, wire and bread
crumb. lam now devising a very com
plicated electric apparatus.”
How She Lost Her Maid.
Clara Belle, in one of her notable let
ters, says:
Speaking of humbug, a Fifth avenue
lelle’s Timid, a trim, pretty creature,
mddenly disappeared recently; and it
was a wonder, because the girl was well
paid in proportion to her good looks
for it is deliciously swell now to have a
■iretty body servant. She had notseem
ngly been dissatisfied with her work or
wages. Her employer feared that some
sentimental harm had come to her, and
jharitabiy went so far ns to hire a private
detective to hunt her up. Where do
you think he found her? She was an
idvertising exhibit in a hair wash i -siali
lishment. There is a boom on in that
industry. Phenomiually long-haired wo
men are posed in the windows of stores
where hair tonics are on tale, and com
petition is hot. The comely maid had
luxuriant tresses, which grew snln-avily
ind rapidly that she went periodically
■/> a hair dresser to have them cut short’.
“How much wages do you get?” he
inked her.
“Twenty-four dollars a month,” she
replied.
“I can get you double that,” lie said,
“and nothing at all to do except to be
id mired. Oli, don’t lie alarmed - there’s
ao harm in it. Messrs. Blank and Co.,
die well-known makers of Cemlian
Glory, want to boom their stuff. You
ire just the girl they desire. You will
have your head shaved close. Then
:hey will show you freely to their etis
voraers, telling them that you lost your
iiair years ago by fever, and had given
ip all hope of regaining it; you have
;ried many preparations in vain; they
ire going to experiment on you. Your
•iair grows fast and fine—it is on view
:rom day to day it becomes a marvel—
the fame of it spreads hy word of rnouth,
irnl by the time your head has regained
.ts usual beauty tliev have sold 1,000
:xtra botth •: of Ccrufian, and you have
received three months’ extra wages.
See?”
She saw; and that was how the Fifth
ivenue ladle lost tier pretty maid.
, -Only think, rny friend, I dreamed
/ t you had paid me the on*
mlm/i florins you owe me, and tliat 1
id t!Vm in my purse.” “Ah! hoc.
charming. That encourages me to ask
you to k-ud me another fifty florins.”
“SUB DEO FACIO FORTITER.”
BRASS BAM) PATRIOTISM.
Scenes During the Wnr when the
Musical Forces Met L'nch Ollier.
[From tlio Chicago In tor-Occan.]
At one time I was a member of one of
tk ' military builds in the old iinny. It
so lni|)ponoil that the regiment to which
(tut hand was attached was sent to Fort
Pulaslu. We were on one of the gun
boats manoeuvring in that region, and
on one occasion in passing up the river,
which had several outlet channels or
mouths, tlio boat ran up the wrong
channel, one so narrow that it did not
permit a turn of the boat except under
the very guns of the rebels. The officer
in command soon discovered the mistake,
but the question was how 1m was to get
out of the scrape.
Some distance to the front the chan
hol widened, so that there would be no
difficulty in turning the boat for a retreat
if the rebel guns which commanded that
part of the channel would keep quiet.
The officer called the hand together, and
instructed them to play “Dixie.” We
did it, and did our best, and that Federal
gunboat swung round into the wide part
of the channel, the hand playing the
favorite Confederate tune, audtho rebels
cheering us instead of tiring at us. As
soon as tlio turn was made and the boat
was out of the immediate range of the
heavy guns, we changed instantly to
“Tlio Star Spangled Banner,” and then
it was hang and crash and roar, the
very men who had been cheering us not
two minutes before sending bullets after
us.
“That reminds me,” said an old Fudi -
mi inn, “of the Fourth of July, 180-1, at
Ivenesaw Mountain, or at least in the
Kenesaw campaign. Tlio two armies
were so close to each other at that time
that one could hear the hands of tho
other almost as plainly as their own. In
the morning, of course, the bands in the
Union army celebrated the day by play
ing the national airs, while at the same
time tlio bands in the Confederate army
played ‘Dixie,’ ‘Bonnie Blue Flag,’ and
itlicr airs then in favor with the rebels.
After there had been a spirited routes/
is to which side could make the most
noise, there was an interval of silence,
and, very much to the surprise of the
Union troops, 0110 of the hands in the
rebel camp played ‘Hail Columbia. ’
Not to he outdone in the matter of
■ourtesy, one of the Union hands played
■Dixie,’ s i there was for a time an inter
change of compliment, the Union hands
pi ay mg Confederate airs and the Con
federate hands playing national airs.
This provoked considerable enthusiasm
rud a great deal of good feeling on both
sides. While the two armies were in
camp at Chattanooga F spent, a good
many nights on the outposts, and I
never had so keen an appreciation of
music as on the beautiful nights when
scores of hands in the rival camps would
play for the half hour preceding taps.
On one side was a canvas city of fiO,-
000 stalwart men in blue. Overon Mission
Ridge and ft little beyond were as many
men in gray. There were probably
twenty or thirty excellent bands in each
army, and when they all played, nation
al airs on one side, and Confederate airs
on the other, the pickets midway be
tween th<! monster camps hud the benefit
of both concerts.
“J remember one night after most of
tlio hands lnul retired trorn the contest
three or four of the best in each arm.v
played for an hour or more as if in rival
ry. In the Union camp after the band
had rendered ‘Hail Columbia,’ there
would be cheer upon cheer from 10,000
throats. At the same time the strains
of ‘Bonnie Blue Flag’ would come from
the other side to be followed by cheer on
cheer from as many men. At lost the
band on the Union side struck up ‘The
Girl I Left Behind Me,’ and for a min
uto there was silence over in the other
camp; then the rebel band caught up
the same strain and they played it to
gether to the end. Then, as if by com
mon impulse, came cheer on cheer
from both camps, and the pickets,
throwing caution to the winds, cheered
together.”
The Expansion of Methodism.
The wonderful expansion of Method
ism during the life of its founder is per
haps without precedent in religious
history. In 17-'?0 its only adherents
were a handful of Oxford students; 12
years later it numbered 1,100 members
m London; long before the end of the
century all Great Britain and nearly all
tlie American colonies had rung with
the eloquence of Wliitcficld or with the
soberer but hardly less effective appeals
of Wesley himself; meeting houses had
sprung up in every important town, an
army of missionaries were engaged in
itinerating over the country, and part
ly through Lady Huntingdon's influence
Methodism lnul found a considerable
amount of acceptance even in the higher
ranks of society. Franklin’s testimony
to the power of Whitofield’spreaching is
well known; but Chesterfield, Boling
broke, and even •Hume were also among
his hearers. At the time of Wesley’s
death, in 1701, the Methodist Church,
or Connection as it was called, number
ed above .'<oo preachers in Great Britain
alone and nearly 200 in the United
States, where the success of the Revolu
tion had made it necessary for Wesley
to establish a separate organization, wil
ier a Superintendent, whom, to the
horror of good churchmen, he eon
.eerated as all but a Bishop. The num
ber of members in the United Kingdom
d rcadv exceeded 70,000, and rose to
more than 100,000 in tlio course of the
next decade.
HE PROPOSED.
“Well, If you ran’t bear her, whatever
made you propose '?”
“Well, we had danced three dances,
and I couldn't think of saything else to
say.”
A CONVICT EARNS HIS LIBERTY.
riir llcivniil ol’n He'd ot llcnvii'y nml De
votion.
[Juliet Despatch in Chicago Tribune.]
William Rniib, convicted in 1880 of
tiro murder of a rival for tho affections
of a girl of Danville, was released from
prison to day. lie was sentenced to
the penitentiary for life, but his sentence
was reduced by Gov. Hamilton to ten
years for bravery in saving a prison of
ticial's life. When Kaub reached ttie
Joliet prison ho was placed in tlie liar
ness shop, and worked side by side wilit
the notorious bandit and desperado,
Frank Bundo, the murderer of thirteen
persons, who was also serving a life's
sentence fur killing five persons al St.
Elmo and Tilinan, 111. Tho two life
convicts got along nicely together and
worked at adjoining benches for nearly
lour years. March, 1884, Rmidc at
tacked (,’r.pt. John McDonald, then
deputy-warden of the prison, as lie was
on his rounds inspecting the prison
sl'.ops. Hando crushed the officer’s '
skull witli a poker. Ho then turned
upon the deputy-warden again with the
intention of drawing a knife across the
fallen man’s throat, but at this moment >
Raab sprang forward, and throwing his
arms around liande, lifted him high in
tho air and threw him half way across
the shop. Kaab then clutched Ramie's
throat, and would have surely choked
the life out of hint had not a niinihe of ■
prison officials appeared upon the scene.
The tumult in the shop by this time was
very exciting. A hundred convicts with
knives and hammers in their hands had
gathered about Hando and Raab, yelling
to Raab to kill Randu, or to lot, them j
have a chance at him. <>nc of tho of
ficials then ordered Raab to let Hando
up and attempted to take Ramie to tho
“solitary.” As they passed a work
bench Ramie caught up a hatchet, with
which ho aimed a blow at tho officer,
but the latter struck Ramie a crushing [
blow in the face with his heavy cane.
This served to drive Ramie into a per
fectly insane rage and lie struck right j
and left with Ins lmtchot, both at con- j
victs and officers. Ed. McDonald, the j
deputy-Hardcn’.s brother, at this moment j
entered tho shop door, revolver in hand,
and, taking deliberate aim at Ramie, j
shot him, the ball taking effect behind i
the ear, amt lie fell to tho floor like a \
dead man. lie was carried to the hos
pilal, where it was found that he was
not dead. Aftcrn week s treatment by
the prison physician ho was taken to the
solitary and locked up. Ramie never
knew but that his blow had killed the
(leputy-wuiden, and after remaining in
tlie solitary a few days he committed
suicide by hanging himself.
Deputy Warden McDonald, though in
a precarious condition for many mouth*
a ter the toirible assault on him, finally j
recovered sufficiently to resume his j
duties. Os course, William Raab, Hie
life convict, was tho hem of the day, j
for he undoubtedly saved McDonald's j
life, and as a reward for his brave net j
Gov. Hamilton commuted his sentence.
Raab will return to Vermilion County ;
and hunt up the girl of his heart, ami
may yet marry her. He has always
claimed to lie innocent of the murder
which sent him to Joliet.
Oil, 111 NRY.
Tim N«wly»yiurrlcil I’nlr nml thn F.un.
rli inn.
They were newly married. That wae
evident from the dreadful fizzle they
made in their attempt to appear like
“old married folks.” Those who have
lieen lor.g married don t stand on a I
street corner indulging in any such non
sense us this:
“It’s just as you say, dear.”
“No, dear; just as you say.”
“But I spoke first. ’
“Tliat don’t make any difference
dear.”
“ ,h, yes it does. Ami I always want
you to be pleased. ’
“Yes, ami I couldn't be a bit tiappy
if I thought you were not pleased.”
“But I shall be pleased if you are, ’
“And anything that, pleases you will
please me.”
“Oh, Henry, how good you are.”
“Not half as good as I ought to be.’’
“Oh, Henry!”
“Indeed I’m not. But what shall we
do about having luncheon downtown ?”
“It's just us you say, dear.”
“But you must choose.”
“Oh, henry, I can’t bear to. You
decide, dear.”
“You’re sure you wouldn’t rather go
home ?”
‘ Oh, 1 don't care.”
“Well. Fin sure 1 don’t.”
“It’s wholly immaterial to me.”
“Then you d rather stay down town.”
“Oh, Henry, 1 didn’t say so ”
“Then shall we go to Clark’s for a
light, luncheon ?”
“If you think best.’’
“But you forget tliat I want you to
say ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ ”
“Oh, dear, I can’t. What if I should
choose something you wouldn't like.”
“You couldn't tlo that.”
“Oh, Henry!”
“Indeed you couldn’t.”
“Oh, Henry!”
“Then we’ll go to ( lark’s ?”
“Why, J-I Oh, Henry, you say."
“Well then, I say—yes.”
Oh, I’m so glad. I’ve wanted to go all
the time ’
“Why didn't you say so then, dar
ling ?”
“I couldn’t bear to.”
“I'm so glad I chose what you really
wanted.”
“Oh, Henry!”
“I’d felt so badly if I hadn’t.”
“You dear boy!”
“No I’m not.”
“Y'cs you are!”
“I’m as mean as I can be!”
“Ob, Henry!”— Tid Bits.
VOL. 11. NO. 8.
A rlucky Woman-
The Washington Post says: I saw a
really heroic ami courageous woman at
the White House, the other day. 1
mean .Mrs. Kidd, of New York, who
cumo here with Mine. Barrios. As sh«
sat upon the sofa in the Green Room,
clad in a rich dress of white satin and
pearls, at ease, enjoying ail of the sur
i windings, one would hardly imagine
that she had a hand to hand fight with
a desperate black villian she found un
der her bed one night, and that she
won.
It was some years ago in New kork
citv, and was the sensation of the day.
Mrs. Kidd was then living in a hand
some house just in the rear of the W md
sor Hotel One evening her husband,
who is a large manufacturer of and
wholesale dealer in liquors, having sue
eeeded to the business of S. N. Pike, ol
( ineinnati and Grand Opera Hous<
fume, was detained at his down town
store longer time usual after dinner.
Mrs. Kidd finally went up to Her cham
ber, and from some premonition looked
under the bed, when lo! and horrible to
relate, she found hiding there a black
giant. Did she faint, or run, or scream?
Not a bit of it.
She pulled him out, and fought with
him desperately, and pushed him down
a long flight of stairs, and took away
the pistol lie held in one hand and
threw him down the stone steps of tho
stoop of the house
And then she fainted. It was the
proper time to faint. The co'orcd brute
was arrested before he had gone a block
and the police authorities of New York
presented the pistol to Mrs. Kidd in
token of her bravery. 1 tell you one
cannot always tell what a lady in white
satiu may do if circumstances require it.
The Earthquake In Japan.
A merchant of Boston received from a
distinguished American lady in Yoko
hama, a letter in which she gives full
details of tho fearful earthquake wh ch
occurred there on tho Bsth of last month.
The lady s personal experience she thus
graphically describes: •• V\ e,” meaning
one of licr host’s daughters and herself,
“went into tho library, leaving tho
children in the nursery. In a few min
utes I heard a tcirible uoisc. "What is
that?’ I asked of J. She replied. ‘An
earthquake. ’ 'then such shaking, groan
ing, screeching and cracking. (1 can
hear it now.) I shrieked t<> J. to fly.
‘Oh 1 “Oh 1 I can t! 1 can’t I* 'J hen
the things went flying about the room.
'l'ho next I remember was in the hall
the panels of the door (lying üßer ns.
J. says I took hold of her and dragged
her out, but f have no recollection of it;
but I can never feel grateful enough to
think 1 was permitted to do it, for just
us we left the room a terrible crash came.
As soon as I could think I shrieked for
the children. I feared they had gone
through with the wreck and were killed,
but I soon had them all with me, unin
jured. ■* * * You can, perhaps,
slightly imagine what I had to go
through from fright and responsibility.
The house is a massive brick one, tliree
storics high. The chimney is very large,
and this fell over, crushed through the
roof, cutting the beams, and down into
the chamber below, then into the library,
carrying everything before it. Had we
remained a second later we should have
been killed. The next morning such a
sight, ! Nothing left of the attic rooms,
and in the bedroom a greater part ot the
floor, with a brass bedstead hanging by
its legs only over the chasm.”
How Dow Raised the Hcvlr.
Parson Lorenzo Dow once stopped at
a log cabin near Baltimore. His host
was a man given to drink, and all the
efforts of his wife to stop him were of
no avail She a-ked the eccentric par
son if he could, in any way, help he«
husband. The parson said he would re
sort to prayer after supper when her hus
band returned home. Just before sup
per was announced, however, tho hus
band came staggering in the cabin door.
He was jolly, lie was drunk. The
good wife greets him ■ itli the informa
tion: “Parson Dow i- upstairs in the
loft,’ which was the best accommoda
tion that could lie given him.
“Iss-s he," drawled the tipsy hus
band. “Wc 1-1-1, br-br bring him
d-il down.
This order was obeyed, and presently
the parson came down.
“C can you r raise th th the d-devil,
Pr-pr--parson Do v? If y y you can I’ll
b b believe in you.
The parson had seen a barrel of cotton
in the loft. An idea struck him. He
steps outside, gets a little negro boy,
and puts him in the barrel of cotton,
qhe barrel and the boy were brought
down from the loft The tipsy landlord
asked:
‘ Pr pr parson, c-c can you r-r-raise
th tii the devil V”
“ Yes, if you give me a light,” came
the answer. A light was brought.
The cotton was set on fire. Presently
out jumped the little black negro, and
the half dazed husband, frightened, but
yet fully convinced of the parson's su
pernatural powers, exclaimed amid ex
citement and confusion, in the vernacu •
!ar of the dav:
“Pr-pr parson. I I-I m yore ir.-m'
meat; I I—l*ll quit.” and, sure enough,
he never “smiled ’ again.
Two smart citizens of Evcsboro, N.
J , thought they would play a practical
joke on a colored man named Mitchell,
so the other night they covered them
selves with sheets, hid behind a fence,
and rushed out at their victim, who, in
stead of running, seized one of the
jokers and beat him so severely that he
has been unable to leave the house
since.