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CONDENSED STORIES.
Jeaquln HIIttrH Story of Uto Cslonofs
Inherited TWo.
Joaquin Miller iru one of the
Bnt investors in Texas oil weils.
Passing the question of financial
profit, these wells furnished him
with at least one good story. The
poet visited the Lone Star State to
Inspect his property and there met
k a mu n who answered to the title of
B “colonel" One day when this man
and the poet were together the talk
turned to the war of secession. Mil
ler thought his companion had
taken part in that struggle, hut the
colonel said he had beerf a no::, om-
bstant. Then Miller made » !oM
guess that tho title was derived
fcw t a militia commission. But uot
lo, nor was it a result of r.n appoint
ment on the governor's sto.f. .Wi
ther did it come from service dur
ing the Spanish-Amcrican tro ible.
"Ah,” said Miller at last, i.link
ing he had tho mystery solved, "you
commanded the Texas rangers at
one time. They were brave men,
and it was an honor to lead them.”
“Xo," said the colonel, “I never
had anything to do with the
rangers."
“Well, tell mo,” persisted Miller,
“is the title merely assumed? Have
you no right to it?”
“Ceftainly I have a right to it—
the best kind of right,” replied the
colonel in an offended tone. “If
you must know how I got it I’ll tell
you. I inherited it”
“Inherited it I" ejaculated Miller.
“From whom, your father?”
“No, eir. From Colonel James
8mith, who died two years ago. I
married his widow.” — New York
Times.
Bogus Bohemlanlsm.
The real bohemian docs not wish
to be put on show for the delecta
tion of persons who do not under-
itand him. There is a-story told of
Msurico Barrymore which illus
trates this point. Entering a famous
bohemian club in New York one
night, ha found a lot of commercial
ly got himself “fairly
of them slapped him on the back
and said, “Bury, speak us apiece.”
Then a chorus said: “Yes, get fun
ny, old man. Cut up. We’ve all
heard that you were a great enter-
toiner." Barry glared around for
a moment and then said, “I’ll do a
picked his hat off the hook. That
was the last time he entered the
club.
The Taciturn Man.
Mn. Van Vorst, the author of
“Tho Woman Who Toils,” had many
amusing and odd adventures during
her life as a worker. One adventure
that has not heretofore been printed
concerned a taciturn man.
She met this man on a New Eng
land road mending a worm fence.
“Can you tell me," ahe said to
him, "how fu it is from hero to tho
next'town?”
He pointed forward. "Milestone
little further on will tell you,” ha
growled.
Rudeness such as this vexed Mrs.
Van Vorst. “But the milestone wiU
be no good to me, for I can’t read,”
ahe said.
Thereupon the taciturn man
chuckled a little. “Ho, ho,” ho
said. “It if just tho kind of mile
stone for people that can’t read, for
all the writin’a been washed off of
it”
Didn’t NmO Help.
The late Rev. George Koenig, a
Brooklyn clergyman, who wai rath-
er puritanical in hii viewt, rebuked
one of hie parishioners whom he
saw with her hair profusely curled.
“If the Lord intended your hair to
eurL” bo said, “ha would have curl-
‘ for you." Whereupon the
whan I was a baby, kut
now I am quit# able to ouri it my-
isSr ■
mm
South Georgia
m m
NOV. 1,2, 3,4 and 5,
WAYCROSS n
T considerable expense the Waycross Fair Association
has arranged to make the approaching fair from Nov.
ist to 5th inclusive, the best ever held here. The agri-
cultural exhibits from Ware and surrounding counties
wlll be such as not only to interest and stimulate our own peo
ple, but to attract visitors from abroad to locate in this section.
And then in order to make it an occasion of pleasure and enjoy
ment to all who come, a splendid Midway, made up of the best
shows and highly amusing attractions has been secured, includ
ing the following:
The Famous Millie-Christine Com
pany from the Tryolean Alpine Vil
lage at the World’s Fair-, Also a
troupe of Tryolean singers from tho
ilps in Switzerland.
The Allen Amusement Company,
a high class aggregation of carnival
shows. -
Miniature Railroad, with special
engine and coach for children.
I Lunette, the flying lady, the great
est wonder of the world, with Edi-
) * hm^’ 8 l atest production of the most
!* "“ rilling train robbery in the west.
' Collossal Merry-Go-1 o£n,d Shows.
Fat Girl Show, wei^ j*£l5 Lbs.
And numerous other attractions.
Also harness and running 1 races
each day,' on the finest track south
of Macon.
Besides all this, every effort will bj made to make the departments of Live Stock,
Manufacturers and Merchants’ Display, Machinery and Farm Implements, Education, Fine
Arte, Woman’s Work, Dairy atid Apiary and Poultry, the best ever afforded.
Notwithstanding the time for tho South Georgia Fair here this fall has been long fixed and
Savannah put upon notice and importuned not to conflict, as heretofore, yet disregarding our
wishes and interests, they again persist in having their carnival at the samo' time In view of
this, the people, not only of Waycross, but all South Georgia, should ignore them and rally to
the support of our home enterprise, thus saving it from damage and loss, in spite of Savannah,
and help make it a great success.
The railroads all give a one fare rate, plus 25 cents, and the entrance fee to the fair is only
35 cents for adults and 15 cents for children between the ages of 8 and 12 years.
Let Everybody come and see a Good Fair* Enjoy
the amusements and visit the several Industrial Enter
prises of Waycross. '
Lee L. SWEAT, J. S. SHARP, J. £. SWEAT,
Secretaryt General Supt. President.
WAYCROSS HERALD PRINT.
fe.-
FOR THE LITTLE ONES.
A Inn LMUa At, Whs.Saved Hit
Brother Prom a Cougar.
Four children of Mr. Rodenbtrg,
whose home is at Big Skookum, go
to school at a publio school bouse
a long way off. One Wednesday
during the last of June these chil
dren, being on the road homeward,
wort straggling along ai some dis
tance from one another, when a
cougar sprang out. of an ambush
and seized the little boy who brought
np the rear. This little fellow was
tho youngest of the party, being
only six years old, and least likely
to resist the beast, as that watchful
crcaturo seems to have known when
it saw the school children going by
tinglo file.
The cougar serin] the lad by the
head and sat upmi him, snarling at
tho older boy of the party, an eight-
ycar-old youngster, who camo to
save his brother. Tho brave boy
had in his right hand a milk bottle
of heavy glass. lie took hold of
one of the cougar’s cars and with
the bottlo began to beat the snarl
ing beast over tho head. At the
third or fourth blow the bottle
broke and a hundred fragment! of
glass were scattered about. It is
possible that some of the fragments
entered the cougar’s blazing eyes,
for as soon as the bottle broke he
let go his hold onc^ron off, plunging
into the bushes, from which he did
not again emerge.
Meanwhile the unhurt children
took the wounded boy into a neigh
boring farmhouse. The wounds
were all flesh wounds and when they
had been dressed the littlo fellow
grew quite animated in his account
of tho adventure.—Seattle Post-In-
telligencer.
8hsrlng tho Birthdays.
In Jopan they have a very simple
method of dealing with birthday
celebrations, the people waiving all
I claim to their individual natal day.
1 There aro two general birthdays
one for each sex. Tho male birth
day, which is known os “the cele
bration of tho boys,” occurs on the
third day of tho third month and
tho “celebration of tho girls” on the
fifth day of tbo fifth month. These
days aro general holidays foT the
S oung. The birthday of tbo mika-
o, or ten-o, as he is more properly
termed, is also a general holiday
throughout tho country, tho houses
being decorated with flags and in
numerable colored lanterns.
Conundrums.
What country is like a happy dog?
America (n-merry-cur).
Which is tho biggest, Mr. Digger’s
baby or Mr. Bigger? Mr. Bigger*!
baby is a little Bigger.
When is u farmer cruel to his
corn ? When he pulls its ears.
If a good boy wears his pants out
what will be do? Wear them in
again.
An Accurate Division.
Charlio was given seven choco
lates to be divided between himself
and hia sister Graco. He commenced
•ating one, and when be was asked
why ho didn’t divide with Grace ha
"Because I have to cat one be
fore they will divide oven.”—Little
Chronicle.
' •ilu.., . 11
Pnt some perfoCv re „ . , ^1* -
ter into a tumbler, a
glass tube, breathe into it ’ if r vo
ter will become as white ss milk.
After it haa remained undisturbed
for awhile a deposit of white pon
der will bt found at the bottom of
the gloss. 1
Master Mutiny.
Juat at* year* today X hava Uvad In tha
world
With my hair Ilka a Ctrl'* all twtatad
and curled.
And tha boya on tha a treat, whan I paaa
than, all cry*
Wall* I’ra taken tboee hateful old curia
off today.
And now when they matt me we’ll aaa
what they aayl
-X. a Kobbe ta 9t Nicholas*