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CONDENSED STORIES.'
CONDENSED STORIES.
Tnw Venion of. Dcwey'o Famous Frtd.rick tho Qroot'o Encounter With
Ordtr at Manila Bay.' I a Young Officer.
Did Admiral Dewey ever give the I Mention of Bismarck recalls
, now historical order, “You may fire etory he used to tell of an incident
arhen you are ready, Gridley t" In- which his grandfather witnesset:
tercelcd spectatprs of the engage- ] irhen serving under Frederick the
ment say that those words were nev
er spoken, but the sentence tnts ar
ranged after the fight was over. The
~ isidc facts regarding the great May
w ly battle of 1898 put a new light
on the incident, and one who talked
with the admiral soon after that
battle is authority for the following
veraciousAccount:
Admiral Dewey never gave the
order, in those words at least. That
utterance wus put in his mouth by
others and agreed upon u. v au appro
priate one to hand down to poster
ity along with the other famous sav
ings of history. Soon after the last
shot had been tired noil the , nish
power in the Pacific ura» a th.ng of
the past the newspaper correspond-
ents^fithcrcd about the-admiral, as
is the custom on such occasions, to
get the facts for their dispatches.
The admiral told briefly everything
that had taken place, and when he
had finished his recital the group
foil to discussing the events of the
day. Finally' one of them remind
ed the admiral that it was custom
ary for some famous utterance to bo
handed down from every important
engagement in history; some terse,
brief expression characteristic of
the man who led his forces to vic
tory. .“Didn’t you make some ut
terance or give some order during
the fight that we can use in this
connection ?” asked one of the news
paper men. “No,” replied the com
mander in chief; “nothing in par
ticular that I recollect.”
“Well, didn’t you give some direc
tion of some sort that can be used
in that way?” “No,” replied Dew
ey; “nothing that’s noteworthy.”
“Well, what did you say when you
ordered the fray to begin?” asked
the correspondent. “Simply order
ed Captain Gridley to go ahead.”
“Ah!” ejaculated the correspond
ents, breathing sighs of relief. And
thereupon the famous order, couch
ed in the words which have become
known everywhere, was suggested
and agreed upon generally. The
subsequent dispatches were featured
by the words then arranged and put
into the shape in which the order
will appear in histories for centu
ries to come:
Mohs Hid Changed.
Visitors to Washington will recall
the bronze statue of Abraham .Lin
coln in the center of Lincoln park.
It waa purchased with a fund raised
by former slaves to commemorate
their liberator. There is a replica
of the statue in Boston, reared by
the liberality of Moses Kimball.
Bostonisn; tell s story concerning
the. remark of Oliver Wendell
Holmes when he was first shown the
Lincoln statue in Boston. Beneath
that statue and on the granite base
Great. It affords good reading in
the present time in view of mistakes
and rumors of mistaken, degrada
tions and equivocal promotions, of
which tales come through from St.
Petersburg. During some maneu
vers an ensign made a mistake, mid
the old king, in a limning passion,
pursued him with a stiek, intending
to publicly chastise him. The en-
sign.lit out for til he waa worth and
nimbly leaped a ditch which the
king could not negotiate, but was
left fuming on tile wrong side. Later
the colonel of the regiment reported
to the king that the ensign Sad ten
dered his resignation. “I am sorry,
si:c, for lie is a rmlly fine soldier,”
said the colonel. “Send him to me,”
replied Frederick. The ensign came
in, expecting to be beaten or per
haps sent to prison. “Here, sir, is
your captaincy,” said the king. “I
meant tp give it you this morning,
but you ran so hard I could not
catch you.”—St. James* Gazette.
H. Had the*Crackers.
“In my younger days,” remarked
a New York theatrical manager re
cently, “I was directing the desti
nies of a small troupe of trained
amateurs through the west, and
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
What a Quaker City Clrl Itr.e-*
About Punctuation.
A Philadelphia schoolgirl said to
her father the other nighlb
“Daddy, I’ve got a senlencc I’d
like to have you punctuate. You
know something about punctuation,
don't you?”
■ “Yes, a little,” said her cautious
parent ai he took the slip of paper
she handed him.
This is what he fend:
“A five dollar bill flew around the
corner.”
lie studied it carefully and finally
said:
“Well, I’d simply put a period
after it, like this.
“I wouldn’t,” said the high school
rirl. “I’d make a dash after it.”—
Public Ledger.
“sum thing," asm toe sromnni.
when I say west I do not mean Ohio.
I mean I was so far west that Den
ver was regarded as an effete east
ern city. ,
“Tho stores out there are more
versatile than any comedian who
ever played Hamlet at a matinee,
Uncle Tom at night and ‘doubled in
brass’ in an intervening parade. You
simply could not feoze the proprie
tor of a store by asking for unex
pected articles. Hardware, grocer
ies, ammunition, patent medicines,
boots and shoes, dry goods, mining
implements, toilet ’ articles—all
these were the stock in trade of the
merchants.
“In one little Arizona town I was
in the leading store when a solemn
man entered and said, ‘Have you got
any crackers ?’ >
“Tho proprietor of the store an
swered : 'Sure thing! What kind do
you want—whip, liro or soup?’ ”
No Tint* to Waste on Poola.
When George Westinghousc as a
young, inventor was trying to inter
est capitalists in his automatic
brake,Tie wrote a letter to Commo
dore' Cornelius Vanderbilt, carefully
explaining the details of the inven
tion. Very promptly his letter came
back to him indorsed in big, scrawl
ing letters in the hand of Commo
dore Vanderbilt, “1 have no time to
waste on fools."
Afterword, when tho Pennsylva-
-well, wellI now hocksxntHALi. his nia.railroad had taken up the auto-
cHAKOEor mat ' ic brnkc an< j j t waa proving very
was an inscription telling the his- successful, Commodore Vanderbilt
tory of the memorial. The name of sent young Mr. Westinghousc a re-
Moses Kimball appeared in letters quest to call on him. The inventor
of very large size—in fact, five or six - * returned tho letter, indorsed on the
times as large as were the letters in bottom as follows: “I have no time
the name of Lincoln. Dr. Holmes to waste on fools.”—Success,
glanced at the monument and, ■ —-——
catching sight of the name of the ! How Bacon Settled Him.
giver in big letters, dryly remarked: A story that is told of Leonard
AlPell, well! How Moses Kimball Bacon, who was one of tho host
changed 1” — Cleveland Plain known theologians in New England
■ Dealer. ■>. ; a quarter of a century ago, illus-
A LITTLE NONSENSE.
Why tho Snooring Remarks Did N»
Bother the Clergyman.
A clergyman who was traveling
stopped at a hotel much frequented
by wags and jokers.
The host, not being used to hav
ing a clergyman at his table, looked
at him with surprise. Tho guests
used all their raillery of wit upon
him without eliciting a remark.
The clergyman ate his dinner
S uietlv, apparently without observ-
ig the gibes and sneers of his
neighbors.
One of them at last, in despair
of his forbenrance, said to him;
“Well, I wonder at your patience 1
Have von not heard' all that has
been said to you?”
“Oh, yes; but I am used to it. Do
you know who I am ?”
“No, sir.”
“Well, 1 will inform you. I am
chaplain of a lunatic asylum. Such
remarks have no effect upon mo."—
Short Stories."-
Illustrated Phrase.
She—1 Toe by the papers that a
woman has got successfully through
the bankruptcy court.
He—Great Scott I The women
are crowding the men out of every
profitable business nowadays.
Tha Cheerful Giver.
‘Ta-as, bre’ren,” said Brier Jas
per as he closed the book, “de Lawd
luU.de cheerful giver. Las* Sun’y
Brier Jenkins dun gib 50 cenfli to
pay fo’ whitewashin’ de pastor’s
fence, an’ de Lawd lub him so he
dun took him home to glory today.”
—New York Times.
A New Ailment
Dickey—Ma, what do they call
that old preacher “doctor” for?
Mother—Why, my son, he is a
doctor of divinity.
Dickey—Well, I’d like to know
what kind of a disease that is.—Lip-
pincott’s. >
Taking an Intsraat
“You think that every young man
ought to take an interest in poli
tics?”
"Certainly,” answered Senator
Sorghum, ‘‘it he can buy it cheap
enough.”—Washington Star.
His Peculiar Duties.
“Yds, he’s the reviser of playe for
the syndicate.”
“What does he do?”
“Cats out all the dialogue and
puts in girls and clectrio lights.”—
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
All His Own.
She—I don’t like you to talk that
wav about my mother.
' ire—I'm talking about my moth-
er-ifi-luw, not yours. I guess I con
talk ns I please about my "own.—
Philadelphia Press.
Dodging the Question.'
“Is trade pretty good?” we asked
the great merchant.
“Well,” he replied—a bit evasive^
ty, we thought—“the store it crowd
ed every day with laity shoppers.”—
Syracuse llerald.' \
Knows Its Value.
Gildeck—What I told Hobbs Is a
dose' political secret. . He won’t give
it away.
Swifter—Not he; he’ll sell it to
tho opposition. Yonkers States-, dium hglri boy?—Pittsburg I
Aft Editor’s Hint
‘‘When you report yourself as be- ! attending a conference in one of the
ing on' the sick list as late in the j Hew "England cities, and some «
week as Thursday or Friday, you j sertions he made in hfa address were
should, in justice to the editor, re- * vehemently objected to by a member
main sick at least until the papers of the opposition,
are in the post office. It is terribly ( “Why, he expostulated, “I never
embarrassing to sey that Mr. or Mrs. heard of such a thing in all my
- Geewhilikens is dangerously sick as life!”
we go to preti end then while lug- “Mr. Moderator,” rejoined Bacon
ging the paper* to the* poet office calmly, “I cannot allow my op-
meet the saw P*rtj on the street ponent’a ignorance, however vast, to
looking quite cheerfuL—Millington offset mv knowledge, however
(Mich.) Gazette. gmalL”—Harperia Weekly.
Wall From Wall Straat.
Bullcin—Well, old man, what did
you realize from your last invest-
trates the absurdity of n popular j tac | n J^
kind of argument. ’ Dr. Bacon waa
Lerably—That I was a chump, I
usual.—Cincinnati Enquirer.
Tha Barefoot Summor-Boys. ‘
Kow th* weary millionaire
Envyln’ the barefoot boys
Wadin' In the brand)!
gji ■fiiiliiw
To on* sweet, restful day!
^ —Atlanta Constitute*
Post.
Ho Isn’t tho Lott.
“I thought you said once you j
wouldn't be seep with him if hi
were tho last man on earth?"
“Ob, butdie has the swiftest anto-
mobile in town.”—Chicago Record-
Herald.
O
When 8ummtr Time Is Here.
When the flies are In the butter
And the milk curds Into cheese,
When you try to chase the skeeters
' That are wafted on the treese,
When yer sorry that yer livin’
And a swelterin' all tha while.
When yer clothes are suckin’ to yer
And you feel as If ye’d bile.
Then jrer wish the flamed old calendar
..Would flop back half a year.
“Dropping into verso.”
Her Memory.
Gnyley—You haven’t had occa
sion to accuse me of playing poker
for two yeura now.
Mrs. Gavley — Three years, my
dear.
Gaylcy—IIow do yoti know it's
three years?
Mrs. Gayley—Because I'vo worn
thirdress that long, and I got it the
last tiqje I caught you.—Philadel
phia Tress.
Force of Habit.
“Your church orpanlsL.il fine,
bat the effect of hu execution ii
marred aomewhat by the word* ha
mumbles to himself during the mu
sic. Why don’t be quit itr*
“He can’t, old man. He was a
passenger brakeman in his youth
and has never quite recovered from
the habit of calling out the stops 1”
—New Orleans Times-DemocraC,
A Practical Girl.
Me—I know my income ia small,
but don’t you think we could get
along?
Sho—I’m afraid not.
He—You told mo that you went
to a cooking school.
She—Yes, but they did not teeoh
me how to make wind pudding.—
New York Weekly.
Mattar of Relationship.
Her—I can only be'a sister to
you.
Him—Oh, that won’t do. You'll
have to be a daughter to me or noth
ing.
Her—Because why?
Him—Because I’ve been a “pop
per” to you.—Cincinnati Enquirer.
Rare Talent.
Social Settlement* Visitor—Your
daughter play* very well, Mr*.
Smith, and has quite a talent for
music.
Mrs. Smith — Sure, she inherits
that. Her grandfather was killo^
with a blow of a cornet at a picnic'.
—Lippincott’a Magazine.
Unlucky.
Publisher—Your book is fine up
to the seventeenth chapter. After
that it ia mere drivel.
Author—Sir, it is my misfortune,
not my fault. Just as I was begin
ning the seventeenth chapter I dis
covered, quite accidentally, what I i
was driving at.—Puck.
Something New* |
Younjf Writer—My heroine haa ,
golden hair, but I don’t liko it. |
Golden hair is so old. I wish I had |
something new, >
His Friend— Why not make it ra-
■ONI PULL QUART OP |
WHISKEY FREE]
Wa know the meaning of worda and will d
pUIm to bo tho lwwaa|.prla«l WkUUjr
f-bi-y as aril fa cun<t~(bcrr'a no (tail. I
HPiPiisrS !
WknowncltJft't-’wr!* 'SwS ll'yfmrSlA* uYbdlry*" J
N rtu"r J r 0 :fnR In* t?l^?> , | )r **°, ,M *‘ ttliE'ltilrt nrit^aanTdehr I
oU-ftjio femur Mills, Juat in It wm
Firat-ratJwLlalHsy laaoll i4 GU.OO .
per Kallim,Itut U'« not auy betur Otaii‘Cuapot'» fi^YtArUid/
and tUal’mipUm' KaUguaUwitkn?i’l the ITi.iuiout 1;
of this city will Mlyuu oar word fm* d. Tuli.tro.lt, this
hooeit w |,i lev, wo oiler f.-t.r 1 .ill Ilnur I* mf ••fa.prr*.
Year OM"- tvot amplcbouiot.m,u jfi.o.m iA yrur oU-a c
■crew aii I a dnn'.lnsf trlsrv—nil f<>r#ti.Oft. II tft.OO I* will .. . _
wlU double tHeidiovo and jmt One Full Quart Ultra. |
RAllon lour for HOor w.»MtriiMi t w-enty full .fuari botth •
Oblpt of It) And irlre fre,» i iirharri WM.itrlnkhiff irlusuanm..
plea,mAklnirtiita whiskey ro*tlciiartii>nfi.3A per f>All«nduUTemL I
wo ship In plnlti boars wltn no marks t»Indionto contents, and I
I’rrnny all Ka prr-s. Iluycri West of Texas, JUtiaM, Mchnuluk I
MMlIJakoM tuuat mid h’Ocent* |*'r quart extra. [
‘•w. J HE
(EDITOIfk N<>TK|—Before pemlUiu the abort whisker adrerth
gated the firm through their Hanker*. We cheerfully endorse lueiu, aud
use need not beelttle to order earn pi, lot.
C. C. Butler,
The Original
Mail order Man
' Of Jacksonville, Fla.
;.C.Butler|
-»• OLD*
«ARYMr
RYE
ACKsoHviLir.aotih
WANTS YOUR BUSINESS
FUS'D FOR OUlt n.LUoTRATED PRICK I.IBT.
Competition court* d. A ft-w of our leading brand* am Old Kentucky
Farmer, four full quart- f»r MW). Old Ma-jlnnd Rfe. four foil quarUfor
$4.00. Metropolitan t lnh. four full querttfor $4 00. Union County, a first
claw family wlilukcy, four f •*! quarts fur $3.0). Fine, U d Mountain Corn,
four full quarts for $3 Oenuine Imported Tlo»»and Oln. fotir full quart*
(or $3.75. We pay F.zprt-** charges on all the al>ove.
A large and well Selected Stock of
Wines, Beers, Liquors and Cigars
always cm hand.
Your kind patronage is sol It ik’d.