Newspaper Page Text
faiuson Mtdihi Journal,
Published Every Friday.
E. & J.“E. CHRISTIAN
EDITORS AND PUBLISHERS.
Tt' HJflS—Strictly in *1 tinnier.
Three months |il 00
Six months: |2 Oi*
One year. $3 00
Hates of .4Jeer lining :
One dollar per square of ten IlneH for the
grat insertion, and Seventy-fire Cents per
square for each'subsequent insertion, not ex
ceeding three.
One square three months $ 8 00
One square six mouths 12 Os)
One square one year 20 00
Two squares three months 12 00
Two squares six mouths 18 00
Two squares one year. 30 00
£odrth of a column three moths 30 00
Fourth of a oolutnn six months 50 00
Half column three moths 45 00
Half column six months 70 00
One column three months 70 00
One column six months 100 00
Job Work of every description ere
cutedwith neatness and dispatch, at moderate
rates.
HOYL & SIMMONS,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
iMirso.r, - - fl£o«ew.
i. c. iiqtl, jin2sly. r. r. simmons.
cTb. WOOTEN,
attorney at law,
21y Dawson, Ga.
Df* C A CHEATHAM,
DAWSON, UEOKUIA,
Office, South West corner Pubik square.
C'fOJfTINORa the practice of Medicine in
J all its blanches.
lie pays soecial attention to the treatment
•f all ohronic affections of either sex; and
makes Womb and Secret Diseases a speciality,
lie may be consulted by letter.
Charges moderate. Terms Cash.
Janl-1867.
J.F.ALLL:N.
WATCH AN,)
REPAIRER JLJst JEWELER.
Dawson, Gfa.,
J 8 prepared to do any work in his line in
the very best style. feh23 ts
J. (j. S. SMITH,
SMITH and
Machinist,
I>«1 fr.V I : Georgia,
Repiirs all kinds of Gun., Pistols, Sewing
Mahines, etc., etc. 1 v -
W. C- PARKS,
A.ttornoy at Law.
11 a’B ly
c. wi WARWICK.
j'/nnif u at Laic and Solicitor
iti Equity •
4.ntTMIW'ILLE - - - GEO..
WILL practice in Lee, Sumter, Terrell
and Webster.
jTaTw not! ck
nJIORG V I wiil practice in all the
• courts of the South western, in Irwin
ot the Southern, Coffee and Appling of the
U. un'Wick, and most of the coui is oi the Pa
t*iiU Circuits.
Office on Washington Street, opposite the
Eipivss office, Albauy, Ga. mayll ly
t,A \Y CARD.
ri'HK wndersigned will spend to legal
Jl business entrusted to his care, in South
western Georgia. Office at Colbert, Randolph
eo.,<ia. mayll.ly E- H- PLATT
EO. RANDOLPH HARDEN,
Attorney sit Law,
jul.fim CUTIWEKT, GA.
T. It. STEWAHT,
ATTORNEY at L VIV,
Culhhert, ndolph Cos., On.,
business entrusted to his csre will be
fthfcMMf attended to. June 1
' E L DOUCLASB,
Attorney at Law,
June V C UTHBEJtT, 0.1.
X e 7 HIGGINBOTHAM ,
attorney at l aw,
Morgan, Calhoun Cos., Ga.,
Will practice in all the Courts of the South*.
western and Pataula Circuits. June 1
E. H. SHACKELFORD,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
CAMILLA, MiU liell Cos., «*a.,
AV > "VT for purtkw and sale o
LAND. Juue 1. 1866.
DR. S. G. ROBERSON,
SURGEON DENTIST
M«y 4 Cuthbert, Georgia.
MARTIN
GENERAL INSURANCE ACENT AND
EXCHANGE DEALER,
crrairLU j •• Alabama
Represents s paid Capital in A No. 1
Companies, of $22,000,000. Takes
Fire, Inland, River, Marine, Life, and Acci
dent risks. Losses promptly adjusted and
paid. apr 27-ly.
ANDERSON. W. WOODS. JOSEPH DAY,
Special Part •
ANDERSON &. WOODS,
COMMISSION MERCHANTS
AND DEALERS IN
STAPLE DRY GOODS, GROCER
IES and COMMERCIAL FERTIL
IZERS,
TUI KB BT. M.ICO.V, G.P
oct2ft 3m.
THE IMWSON
Yol. 11.
TUB TWO ANPIIIANTI.
It was a beautiful evening in Sep
tember. A few fleoiy clouds were
floating in tho heavens, which, tinged
by the ,ast beams of the King ts Day, 1
seethed like wavej of gold stirred by
the balmy breeze. Nature appeared
to rejoice in tho last smile of tier bride
groom, while calmly falling into a qui
et repose which should only bo broken
by the return oi rosy fingered morn.—
Twilight approached and deep mod ;
the hum of the busy world was bush
ed. Une by one the liitlo stars, tho
Immortal fires of heaven, camo twink
ling in their azure sockets, un'il the
whole heavens appeared like one vast
sheet studied with flashing diamonds
Anon the moon lifted herself above
the hills flooding vales and glens with
her mellow light, while her silvery rays
struggled through the leafy boughs
and stole into every nook and corner.
It was a night such as fafies love to
make their ow n.
At the base of a small mountain
stood, overshadowed with poplars and
tall ejrns, a mansion know n by the
name of Melville Hath A few moon
beams strayed through the thick loli
age Into the front parlor window,
wli lea dimly-lighted lamp at the oth
er et.d of the room reveahd the apart
ment and its contents. The furniture
was plain, but ant’quated ; a few pic
tures of the ancestors of the present
occupants adorned the walls, some tri
fling relies of the past were scattered
on a small table, and a harp graced
the opposito corner.
Seated on a low chair by the win
dow, from wlrich the heavy curtains
had been swept aside so as to admit
the evening zephyrs, was Fannie, the
only child of Richard Melville, a re
ared gentleman. Reader, would I
could lescr be her to you just as she
appears ! Let me say she was love
ly, and when l say ’Ovely I mean a'l
that this little word can impart—love
ly in form, lovely in feature, lovely in
dress. Adorned in simple muslin, she
seemed more liko a fairy that had for
a moment laid aside spirituality and
assumed humanity. A shower of jet
ty curls fell over her shoulders, w hich,
reflecting their dark hue, shaded a
throat of matchless purity. Her azure
eyes spoke volumes. At one moment
they would dance merrily and sparkle
with delight, but ofteuer they were
soft and tender. Her whoffi soul shone
fourth if) one glar.ce. You might
watch and gaz > for ever, and yet be
unable to fathom the depth of one
look. But those beautiful eyes reflect
ed only on the surface tho purity, the
innocence, the loveliness that were hid
den beneath, in tho recesses ot the
heart. '1 he rosy lips, when wreathed
in a smile, were like the sunbeams
dancing on the rippling waters ; but
when composed they ex pres ed kiqd
but firm resolution. Oh, what joy to
s'p the ambrosial nectar from such a j
dainty mouth ! In short, Fannie need
eJ but to be seen to be loved.
Having become motherless at an j
age when unable to know the depth of
her loss, she was petted by an indul
gent father, because in this unfolding
blossom he discovered the image of
his fits' one. She was loved- by all
who kn-.-w her and pruned by ail who
saw h< r.
But since we have made this imper
fect acquaintance with our heroine, let;
us also gain her secret. Her head is
resting on her final! white hand, and
an involuatary sigh escapes her lips
What! can it' be that sorrow has al
ready entered into this beauteous tem
ple ? Has gii if already pollute! this
sacred sluice of beauty ? Alas ! even
so ; fur, reader, just a few momnts be
foio you and I entered the room Frank
Newton left her side, and but one hour
a»o Charlie Raymond was here on the
same errand.
For two year* Fannie had been the
reigning belle of the town. During
this time her hand had been sought by
many, and wealth, and honor, and no
bility were cast in rich profusion at
her feet; but she kindly and firmly re
fused all. Though not at all. for
among them were two upon whom she
looked with equal favor.
During the summer of ’s—, Fannie
was spending a few months with an
uncle of hers in Maryland, about fifty
miles from her home. It was here
that Frank Newton first met her. Hi
had graduated the year before at
Yale, and finished his course in a law
school in New York, lie now ret ti n
ed home preparatory to the entrance
upon bis professional career. lie was
of medium size, and what the world
cnlle 1 handsome. His hair, when al
lowed its own lreedom, would full in
wavy masses around his finely-shaped
head, but when swept back would re
veal intelligence seated on her thr no
A large black eye, forever lau ?hing
and dancing, disclosed depths of
thought and affection On his bro%v
wereinde'ibly stamped honesty of pur
pose and puiity of motive. To see
his face was to see all those at'ributes
there which are honorable and noble
in man.
Is it any wonder, then, that Fannie
learned to love him ? Daily they role,
walked, and read together; daily
would Frank wend his way toward
her unele’a house, drawn thither by
some sweet influence which for a long i
time he endeavored in vain to analyze.:
At last the truth buist upon him .
One day they were, as usual, ruling!
oat, and coming to the bai ka of a sha
dy stream, di-mounted, fast nod their
horses, and having seated themselves
upon a moss-covered rock, began a
light conversation, which, however,
was destined to end setiouly. Among
other things, Funnie rather carelessly
said :
“Frank, I run going homo to-mor
-1 row.”
DAWSON, GA., FRIDAY, MARCH 1807.
In ono moment all tho joys and pleas
ures of the past months rushed through
his memory, and he warmly asked:
“So soon, Fannie ?"
( “Yes.”
“Then why did you not tell me
sooner of your intended departure
“Why, whnHntercst can you have
in my welfare that you put tho ques
tion ?”
Frank was taken aback by this re
mark. He had betrayed l-imself. —
But it was now too late to retreat. In
a few words be told her the tale of his
love, how her every thought and feel
ing weie in Unison with his own ; told
her how every pulsation of his heart
was in sympathy with hers ; told her
how she had become a part of his ex
istence, the only object and joy worth
living for, and how she hold his desti
ny in her hand, either to make his life
a happy ono or send him away with
the blighted curse of despair upon his
future.
I “Oh, Frank, what do you sty ?’’ ex
claimed Fannie after he had finish
ed.
“Nothing but v hat my heart dic
tates.”
“Alas, that it should have como to
this !”
“And will you not consent to be
mine ?”
“I cannot act without the knosledg
of my father ”
‘•Wi 1 you not then give me hope?"
“Yea, you nr ay hope.”
“And may that hope be my guiiing
s'ar ? ’
Upon this Fannie arose, and both
mounting their horses, rode back in si
lence.
The next morning she left f r home.
Frank was called away to it am act
some business, which occupied him for
several weeks.
Fannie, upon arriving home, did
not, however, acquaint her father with
tue secret, but preferred to lock it in
her o«n bosom But scarcely had
she recovered from the < fFects of her
journey when anew star appeared on
the horizon, abon l ; to shed its rnyst- ri
ous influence on her future destiny. It
carne in the person of Charlie Ray
mond. Charlie was a graduate of
Harvard, and had finished his studies
at a low school in Philadelphia. De
siring some recreation, ho resolved to
vi-it a relative in the vicinity of Mell
ville Hall.
To desoiibe Charlie Raymond would
b“ to review the picture of Frank
Newt n. No two brothers ever re
sembled each other more. The same
nobility of character and disposition
were the characteratics of Charlie
Raymond. The features, the expres
sion, the form of Frank Newton be
longed to him. Was it any wonder
then, that she soon learned to love
hiir: ? He was the likeness, the pi :-
,tare of Frank, and vvoykj not every
gesture reo ll the image of the absent
| one ? Suffice it to say, after a few
: short but happy weeks, Char’ie, on
j the eve of bis departure, made a do
| duration of his love to Fannie, and
she bad not the courage to refuse, him
because she loved Inn. But she still
It ad a lingering thought for Frank
Even while tee one was pleading with
her, she thought she heard the voice
of the oUi- r. She could not love the
onu«ind forget the other just at that
period, for she received n letter from
Frank telling of his intention to visit
her.
Fannie was now in distress; she felt
that a decision must be made, but she
could not make it. In her trouble she
turned to her father and opened her
heart to him ; told him how she had
met Frank ; that he had loved her,and
she had given him the promise < fhope.
She also told him of Charlie ; that but
the day previous be bad declared bis
love for her; that she kn w not how
to answer, for both were (quaily noble
and honcrable.
Mr Melville sat musing for a long
time, then paced the room, but finally
scented to have found a plan
“Fannie, I have it.”
“What ?” said she.
“I mean, I cm decide for you.”
“Oh, can you ?”
“If you will abido by my decision.”
“I will, father.”
“Listen, then ; when they come to
day tell them that you are yet in your
teens, and that I cannot spare you at
pro ent, but that you wish to put them
on trial for two years, and at tho ex
(iration of that time I will give your
hand to tho worthier of the two. Thi3
will afford an equal opportunity to
both to win the prize.”
'Ob, how can I do thre? 1
‘lt is my wish, daughter.’
Before she could reply her father was
gone. And sho hud littlo-time for re
fiection, for soon after the door opentd
and Frank entered. The object of his
visit havji g been stated in his 'o’ter,
she ktitw his errand. Ho at onee urg
ed his suit with all the ardir and elo
quence of youth and manhood; Taking
the little hand that was lying listlessly
bv her side, he clasped it in his own,
and gazing into those blue eyes, appeal
ed to her by all tho love ho bore her,
j and by all his hopes of future happi
ness Strong, indeed, must be the na
ture whieh can resist 6uch an appeal.
Rut she did resist. Calmly she made
known her father’s wishes, bidding him
wait two years and then return to re
j ceivo her answer.
I ‘And is this your decision V said
I F-ank.
‘lt is.’
‘Then I mug/, go. Your imago en
shrined ou the tablets of my hear’, will
go with me, your sweet face will bo my
guardian angel agsinst evil, and till we
meet again, every aspiration of my soul
will he for her whom I cherish iu mv
thoughts and dreams; till then, adieu !’
The door clewed, and ho was gone.
Ah ! how differently would my tale end
if ho had curried out his noble rcAilvo.
Tho evening brought Charley Riy
tr.ond. With a light step he enteied
the room and began a pleasant conver
sation. The^ talked till a late hour.
Suddenly Charley remembered that this
was his last interview, an l the thought
brought hack to his memory his errand.
In a few simplo words ho repeated the
tale of Ids love, and ended by asking
Fannie to become his wife. '
‘Charlie,’ said she, ‘I do not refuse ;
I simply ask you to postpone tho mat
te- ; ia two years I will give you
my nnswer.’
‘But who will survive the changes of
two years ?
‘The future will solve the question.’
‘Be it so. Two years from this day
I will return to elaini your hand. Tho
bright beam of bopo w ill guido mo till
then.’
lie waved hi3 hand and Finnic wa*
alone. Thus two biiogs Were eon motiv
ing life with bright b-ipi-«, each willing
to saerifico all to n-seh the disired
chj.ct, and yet one must fail. Thus it
is often ia the worl-I wen stiiv nu fur
something, the shadow if wbioh is for
ever flitting bifore them, but which
leads them further from the rualiiy.
Fannie was left affine, siting in tho
chair by the window where we first met
her at. the opening of our story. She
was left to struggle thr-- ugh twa weary
years alone Those whom she lovt-d
would be far away, unable to send even
a kind word of encouragement, All
that was dear to ffi-r was gone. She
must bury her love deep iu ter own bo
som. Then, too, si:o must remember
how two failhful bear s were throbbing
high with hipos; how with her uwu
hand she must crush one or the other;
h.;w sde must fill tho life rs ino cr thu
other with gboih and desp.ir and iai.ke
it a miserable Manx. Reader, was it
any wonder she sighed ?
The wheel of time, hewever much
clogged it nny appear ti some to be,
nioT 'd on. Tbo two years rolled away
as many others have done. Aud nov,
reader, let us see how it has fared with j
our two heroes during this time. T
ascertain their doings we must rctra
our s ops and begin at the point where
we for k leave o' them.
Cue morning, a few weeks after the
events narrated in tbo preceding chat
ter, the good people of the towu i( A.
in ono of tho western states, were great
ly surprised to Gad two lit-tlo signs, one
at the eastern end < f the town, bearieg
the same of‘Frank Newton, A toroey
at-Law,’ the other, at the opprsi e end,
giving jn gilded letters ‘Charles Ray*-
uior.d Alt'.rney-at Law.’ Some shook
thoffhoads; others gravely re narked
that ‘two such young men would do no
good to ea'jh other ia sttab a small
place while a few passed the matter
over ia silence It was strange that
two ' Cling men shouj i locate themselves
upon the eamc sptt to practise the same
pr.fusion, and unknown, to win the
fame which would claim iLe same re
ward; but si range things happen in this
world.
The two individuals in question, how
ever smoothly they a! first moved aloDg,
in a few days oarno iuto collision ;it
happened ia this wise: —A murder had
been committed ia that vicinity before
our heroes’ arrival. Os course tbo ease
was put into their hands. Frank took
ihe part of the comm'>nwealib, while
Charles appeared for the defendant,
t’ho trial caused much excitement. The
cnurt-room was filled to over-flowing
The wituesses for the defendant were all
examine 1 and cross-examined. As yet
tl e commonwealth was unable to attach
any guilt to the prisoner.
Charley saw his way, and already felt
the giow of triumph overspread his faco
Th i v sion of Fannie’s sweet faoe floated
over him aud urged him on. But sud
denly a witness appeared on tho stand,
who under oath testified that he had
seen the prisoner commit the dreadful
deed. This decided his fate. The jury
returned a verdict of guilty. Charley
had lost.
For a moment he stood speechless.
He saw; as it were, all his bright hopes
and antioipatiens fade from his view.
lie knew and felt that tho prisoner was
innocently doomed ; but it W.U3 too late ;
he had lost his first ease; he was van
quished.
This, of oourse, was a shock to Char
ley from which he oould not soon rseov
sr. From this time fourth popular opin
ijn was in favor of Frank, while Charley
was almost neglected. It soon became
evident that the ono or the other would
come of! a conqueror, but (hat his tri
umphal car would cru-h tho other to the
earth.
At times Frank would speak insolent
ly of his professional brother, woul-l
ever slander him and make disparaging
remarks on his abilities ; but Charley
bore all manfully.
Matters thus progress and until tho
ovcutful day when our berocn were about
to return to claim tho hand of Fannie as
th ir reward. Frank’s pr»isc Lad beta
sounded far and wide, aud his name had
oneo or twice reached even the ears ol
Richaad Melvil'o, while on the other
hand, poor Charley was almost forgot
ten. The one felt certain of success, the
other almost despaired;
The dav camo and with it ‘Frank
Newton, E-q.' He was dressed showily
sp irted various ornaments about his
person, with a haughty step and self
satisfied air entered tho apartment—tho
front parlor cf Melville lla!l. It seemed
rather a e nlesceution on his part tore
turn and cl-flua Fannie for his wife—at
least ha thought succss was due to him.
His triumph over his rival had made
j him conceited, he knew not how to hum
i bly hear Lis prosperity, and; as a natural
; result, felt bis own importance
Fannie greeted him cordially, but
1 Frank had as yet scarcely sea’elj him
I self before the door opened aud Charley
Raymond entered. lie was dress id in
JOURNAL
jlain black, and looked rather dij oted"
lie bowed low to Fannie, raised his eyes
and Lis glance lighted on Frank. Had
ono ot Jupiter’s bolts suddenly flashed
upon them they could not have been
more surprised. Niitber was able to
utter a Word. With a vacant stare they
g’.-k’d upon each other for some mo
ments.
‘ What 1 you bore ?’ giaped Frank, as
soon as be oeuld oimuuaud words to ex
press himself.
‘Yes, sir,’ was Cbarliepi reply, while
a writhing look flished from bis eyes
upon Frank.
‘Frank, almost annihilated by Char
lie’a 000 l and d-liberate mauuer, lelt
tbo blood rising to his face and rallying
all bii energies to roooverhis lost ground
said :
‘I came bote to speak with Miss Slel
vello on priva'o business.’
‘T t>!so am here for this same purpose.
‘Rut what righi have you to inter
fere at this purl onffir moment ?’
‘1 b 1 eve l am p'isent by tho per
mission of Miss Melville.’
Aitkin he was sil- need, and a short
pause ensued.. \\ bile thus waiting like
two lions to gather fresh streangth ffir
a u< w onset, a pierciDg cry foil upon
tk.cir cars and simultaneously they rush
ed out of doors to si-o the eaufo of it.
Arriving :n the road, they found a man
apparent ly deaJ. He was covered with
blood, au 1 as a riderless sto:d was fly
ing up tie road wi !i tho rapidity of air,
it bnc.amo evidect that he bad been
thrown from his hor-e. The body was
carried into the bou-o, and alter the
blood was removed some signs of life ap
peared. Hut. death was near, for his
skull was fractured.
lie motioned a-t if he wished to speak.
Mr. Melville approached and stooped
over Kim, when ihe words ‘I am a mur
derer!’ stiU'k upon his horrified ear.
Ho rroo h and tor a moment, but wish
ng to hear the whole tale of blood, he
r-nee m re bent over him to catch the
last word ri f the dying man.
‘lf tny tes iroaoy au innocent per
s>n waa seat to the gillows. 1 was
hr hod ny Frank Newton. I ’
llis voice failed—ha was dead.
The father said nothing to his daugh
ter —be wished to tpirc her the terrible
trial. Frank disappeared; all search
for him war veiu ; he had recognized
the strangei—his doom wt-s scaled from
that moment.
Two weeks after. Fannie and Charlie
wire made one. To this day Uhar’ie
knows not, why Fannie accepted him in
stead of Frank, but thinks that myste
rious stranger bad some it ftuencc upon
the decision Charley did not return
to lus formir home, but entered anew
field, where he and his Fannie arc n w
prosperous and happy.
Coa.N and Iloaa.— From carefully
conducted experiment 3 , by different
persons, it has been ascertained that
ono husfiw(nßWbtfn will make a little
over 10} p unds of pork—gross. Tak
ing the result as a basis, the following
deductions are made, which all <ur
farmers would do well to lay by lor a
convenient reference—That :
When corn sells for 12} cents per
bushel, pork costs 1} cents per pound.
When corn costs 17 cents per bush
el, pork costs 2 cents per pound.
When corn co.-ti 25 cents per bush
el, ]v-rk costs 3 cents per pound.
When corn cists 33 cents per bush
el, pork costs 4 cents per pound.
When corn costs 50 conts per bush
el, pork costs 5 cents per pound.
Tho following Statement shows
what the farmer realizes in his corn
when sold in the f’fm of pork:
When poik sells for 8 cents per
pound, it brings 25 cents per bushel in
corn.
When pork se Is for 4 cents pet
pound, it brings 32 cents j>cr bushel in
corn.
When pork sells for 5 cents per
pound, it brings 45 cents p r bushel in
com.
The Loweb Classes. — Who are
they? The t iling million”, the lab r
ing ruan and woman, tho farmer, the
mechanic, the artisan, the inventor, the
producer? Far from it. Those are na
ture’s nobility. No matter if they are
high or low in station, rich or poor in
pelf, eons; icuous cr humble in poti ion,
they are surely upper circles in tbe order
of nature, whatever the fictit ous dis
tinctions of society, fasbffiuablo or un
fash o able, decree. It is net low, it is
tho highest duty, privilege aud pleasure
for the great man and high soulcd wo
man to earn what they poises l , to
work their own way through life, to be
the architects of their own fortunes.
Some may rank the classes we have al
luded to as only relatively low, and in
fact tbo middling classes. We insist
they arc absolutely the very highest. It
there be a class -f human 16 ngfl on tho
earth who tmy bo properly denomimted
low, it is that ela«s who sptnd without
carniog, who consume wiinout produc
ing, who dissipate on tho earnings of
their fathers or relatives, without being
anything in am! of themselves.
Hospitable Sjnnbb —At a late re
\lval meeting iu East Mississippi, one
of tho brotbr u became anxious to pile
tbe alter with mourners, and for that
purpo.«o left his seat and went among
the congregation, personally exhorting
bis acquaintances to quit tho error ol
their ways. Approach iug an individual
who drawling’y talked iluough his nose
he began with—
‘Don’t you yant to go up ?’
‘Nay 1’
*D n’t yon went to j’ne the church ?’
, ‘Nay !’
,Wby, what wou!J you do if the lord
was to come f r you ?’
‘Wall,’ the sin ier drawled out, ‘l’d
kill a chicken, o ok 8 >mo biscuit, and
Ido the bast L could. Iffin’c reckon he’d
> git mad al ihat!’
lie didn’t go up.
r\ o.
L'aiivlit in Jpis own Trap.
Ouoo two ministers of tho Gmpol
were conversing together ou txtempn
raneous preaebing:
“Well,” said tbo old divine, wax'ng
warm, “you are ruining yourself by
writing your sermocs and reading them
off.
Your congregation cannot become in
terested in your preaching, and if you
are cal|«d upon unexpcotedlv, unless
you could get hold of au old sermon
you would be completely confused”
Tho young divine usod all bis elo
quence, tut ia vain, to convince tho old
gentleman that tbo written sermon ex
pressed hi) own thoughts and feelings,
and if called upon he could preaob cx
tcmporancously.
“A 3 we are of the same faith,” said
the young minister, “suppose you try
mo mxt Sabba'h morning. On ascend
ing the pulpit you can hand mo a text
from any part of the Bible, and I will
convinoo you that I can proach without
having looked at the text before I
maud up. Likewise, I must be allowed
the same privilege wiih y >u, aud see
who will mako tbo best of i ,”
The idea seemed to delight the old
goutlcman, and it was immediately
agreed upon.
Ihe following sabbitb ( on mounting
ffcs pulpit, bus senior brother hand'd u
slip of papor, on which was written,
“And the ass opened his mouth and
spake; from which he preached a glo
rious sermon, chaining tho attention of
his delighted hearers, and charming his
old friend with his ehquenoe.
Iu the afternoon, tho young brothef,
who was sitting below the pulpit, hand
ed bis slip. After rising and opening
tho Bible, the old man loi ked sadly
around—“ Ara I not tl.ino ass V Palm
ing a few minutes, he ran his fingers
through bis hair straightened his collar,
blew b s nose like the last trurnpe*, and
read aloud, “Am I not thine ass?”
Another pause,- in which a deadly si
lence reigned. After reading the third
time,“Am I not thine ass?” he looked
over his pulpit at bis friend, and in a
doleful voice said, “/ think 1 am
brother ’’
Remkdy for Neuba- d'A.— The
Nashville Dispatch says : A gentleman
who has tried it, and is anxious to give
the public the benefit of o very simple
and effioaoious remedy for the euro of
neura'gia, band tis the following :
Take two large tablespoon fuls of co
logne and two teaspoonfnli of salt, mix
them tog ther in a small bottle. Every
time y>u have any affection of the
nerves or neuralgia, simply breathe the
fumes in yi ur nose, r rom Ihe bottle, and
you will be immediately rclieued.
A picture in a lato number of Punch
represents a fashionable and affectionate
couple, the husband searching vigorous
ly ia bis waistcoat pocke's. Tbeyoung
wife enquires, ‘Have you lost your watch
love ?’ anl he replies, 'No, darling, 'twas
anew bonnet I bad for you somewhere.
Tbr.93 two observing men, one of
whom “aid tha l he always noticed when
he lived through tho month of May he
lived through the year, and the other
of whom said at a wedding that more
wotneu thaa men had been married
that year were neither of them Irishmen.
On the occasion of a terrible ship
wreck, when all the off rts of the cap
tain and crew seemed unavailing to
ave.t the coming fate, an oil lady went
up to the skipper, wringing her hands
in desperation, and exclaiming:
“Oh, captain ! are we really in dan
ger ?”
“Yes, tea'sm,” answered be, “we
must trust in Providence ntw.”
“Good God !” was the pious rejoinder, I
“has it come to that ?”
A rogue asked charity on pretence of
being dumb. A asked with
equal li-nplii i y end humanity, how long
he bad been dump, bo was thrown off
his guard and answereJ,
‘From birth.’
‘Poor fellow!’ said tho lady, and
gave him a dollar.
A person was boasting that he sprung
from a very high family in Ireland.
‘Yes,’ said a bystand'r, ‘I havo seen
some of tbo same family to high that
tbeir feet could not touch the ground.’
A celebrated wit was asked why he
did not nia-ry a young lady to whom he
was so attached. ‘I know not,’ said bo
‘except the great regard we have for
each other.’
An assetsor found some people so dir
ty, this spiing, that he felt warranted
in recording them As real estate.
Prentico says of an edi’or who ‘smelt
a rat,’ that if he did, and the rat smelt
him, the poor rat had the worst of if.
Asa Ilarts says that the nigger has
been the most fortunate of the two
races in the late war Whilst the
white man lost all his property, the
darkey not only gamed his freedom,
but., in doing so, never lost a scent.
Squabbles, an n’d bachelor, shows
his stockings which he had just darn
ed, to a maiden lady who contemptu
ously remarks, “Pretty good for a
man datner.” Whereupon Squabbles
rejoins, “Yes, prood enough for a wo
man, darn her.”
A traveler in tho backwoods mot i
with a settler near a house, and inquir
ed—“ Whose house?” “Mag's.” “Os
what built ?” “Logs.” “Any n'-igh- ■
Ivors ? ’ Frogs.” “What is tho soil ?” i
“Bog-*.” “Tho climate?” “Fogs”
“Your diet?” “Hogs.” “How do
you catch them ?’’ “Dogs.”
Tho Boston Commercial says tnat
| since c’oeked stockings for Unties are
i in fashion, young men will be loooking
j oftener than ever to see what time it
is.
Sensible.
A matter-of-fact poetical genius aayw
“I overheard a moonstruck ebap, the
other day, remafk that he loved • eer
tain young lady well enough to die for
her. Now I lovo somebody very
and—
I’d swear for her—
Td tear for her —
The Lord knows What Td bear lor her*
I’d lie for her—
I’d sigh for her—
I’d drink the Undson dry for her r
I’d pray for her—
I’d slay for her—
I'd watch the house all day for her;
I'd cuss for her—
Do “wuss" for her—
I'd kick up a thundering fuss for her f
I’d weep for her;
I’d for her—
I'd go without my sleep for her;
I’d fight for her—
I’d bite for her—
I’d wulk the streets all night for hors
I’d plead for her—
I’d bleed for her-£
I’d do without nay “feed " for her;
I’d shoot for her—
I’d boet for her
A rival who’d come to “toot’’ for her j
I’d kneel for her—
I St3af for her—
Such is the lovo I feel for her;
I'd slide for frUr-
I’d ride for her—
I’d swim ’gainst wind and tide for her ;
I’d try for her—
I’d cry for her —
But—bang me if I’d die for her.
Fun, Fuel unit Fancy.
A oow belle—a btauiiful milkmaid.
“The Ladies—sweet briers in the gar-'
den of life.”
A pistago stamp tied with cobweb,
is tbe last bonnet in Paris.
Ornamental Fret-work— The eye*
of your beloved, after she bus been
crying.
“My dear girl, will you share my
lotforlffe?” “How many acres arts
thero in your lot, sir ?”
“Our mothtrs industrious tenders
though they of.en misplace tho switch,’
was a toast given at u fecent railway
dinner.
Never give a hoy n dime to wateh
yntir shadow, wide you climb a tree
to look into the middle of next week.
Thad. Stevens, has been elected
President of a fire company in Lan
caster. High honors in a similar u -
partnflent are awaiting “Thad,” here
after.
When a young girl is desperately iri
love with a young man, he shoul l
marry her at once, and put her out of
her misery.
The first part of married life is the
sbitle of the honeymoon, the rest, too
often, common moonshine.
Brutos no more comprehend tbe ways
of man, than man comprehends thu
ways of Providence.
Ben Butlcfi was a soldier bravo,
A soldier, brave was he ;
He had for silver spoons and sioh
A par ti al-i-ty.
Briggs has a great faculty for getting
things cheap. Tbo other day he had a
leau'iful set of teeth inserted for next
to nothing. He kicked a deg.
Jones writes to a friend; and closes by
saying, “I am glad to be able te say
that my wife is recovering slowly.”
‘Why did Adam bite tho apple ?’
said a schoolmaster to a country lad.
‘Because ho had no knife’ suid the ur
chin.
“I’m going to raise your rent,” said
a landlord to his tenant. ‘Thankyou.'
replied the tenant, “for I’tu blessed if
t can iaisc it myself.”
A wag Rays he prevented' a case of
Jydrophobiu by “getting on a four
teen rail fence and staying until the
dog left.”
A married lady fund her two ro-*
quarreli g, and in hopes of cutting an
en Ito theif differences, uttered the fol
lowing: >.
“You young raScals, if you don’t de
sist direotly, I’ll tell both your fathers.”
“Massa, 1 know a young lady dat
wan’s to make your aeqii dntance.”
“What does the yonng lady want to
make ray acquaintance for ? ’
Cause she thinks you’djmaka a first
rate playmate for her poodle dog.”
“Job printing I’’ cxclaimod an old la
dy the other day, as she peeped over her
spcctatlos at the advertising page of a
paper. 'Poor Job! they’ve kept him
printing weeck after week, ever nines t
first larnt to read, aud if he wasn’t the
most patientcst man that ever was, ho
never could have stood it co iong, no
how.’
A Texas paper, in illustrating the ad
vantages of advertising, states that a
gentleman advertised the loss of a SSO
note and found it in his vest pocket be
fire be reached homo.
A poor woman in Indianapolis, in or
der to save herself and children from
starvation, sold her bead of hair to an
aristooratic belle of that city for one doD
lar and fifty cents.
It has been deoided in one of the
French oourts, that to call a woman a
‘female’ is to insult her, and is fiaeable.
Tn speaking of a certain merchant,
the other day, a erazy we man (or sup
posed to be) said : "Do you see that
man? Well, ton can blow his soul
through a humming bird’s quill into a
musqnitto’s eye—and the musquitto
wouldn’t wink 1”
A F.eichman Darned Gustavo Lam- 1
bert proposes to explore the open Polar
■ roa, first discovered by Dr. Kane. Ho
, has concluded to try anew route, and
1 enter, if p>ssible, this open sheet of
wsternt the N wth Pole from the ethef
side, through Dehring’s Straits*