Newspaper Page Text
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As Good As Medicine.
Something in the Bed.
Ircu'metances alter cases : Small
y at dinner table—“What! all that
r grandpa?” Mamma—“No.darling,
I'fl for you.” Small boy—“Oh, what
A little bit.”
“Johnnie,” said mamma to her
Title son, “didn’t I tell you not to eat
hat candv until a'ter dinner ?” John*
ie who lisps: ‘I ain’t eating the
candy, I’m only thucking the
uithe.”
“I say, Jenkins, can you tell a
young, tender chicken from an old,
tough one?” “Of course I can.”
“Well, how?” “By the teeth.”
“Chickens have no teeth.” “No. but
1 have.”
“Speaking of cod, would you say
the price has gone up or has risen?’
Inquired a school boy of a fishmonger,
“Well,” replied the scale scraper,
“speaking of cod, I should say it had
rpes.”
When a young lady asked to look
at a parasol the clerk said : “Will you
please give the shade you want ?” “I
^rpect the parasol to give the shade I
'ant,” said the young lady.
Somebody estimated that every man
ho lives to be sixty years old has
’ sent seven months buttoning his
Jblrt collar. Thirty years more ought
to be added for hunting up the collar
ibuttou.
Did you see tbe moon over your
ght shoulder, my dear ?” said she to
m as they roamed down the walk,
-n-no, not exactly ; but I just saw
old man oyer my left shoulder,
I’ll bid you good-night.”
n oil producer was requested to
e a j udgment note for a debt he
ed, but firmly refused, saying:
o, sir, I will never sign a judgment
did it once, and I came very
wing to pay it.”
does a duck go into the water?
vers reasons. Why does it come
For sundry reasons. Why does
back? To liquidate a bill. Why
it come out again? To make a
n the bank.
Missouri man got caught in a
1 whirlwind the other day, which
'ed him just a little way.from the
nd and shook him until all his
ns fell off. When the thing
muttered: “Reckon I’ll
nd for another pound of
Judge Pitman has a habit of slipping
his watch under his pillow when he
goes to bed. Oue night somehow it
slipped down, and as the judge was
restless it worked its way down to
wards the foot of the bed. After a
bit, while he was lying awake, his
foot touched i t; it felt very cold; he
was surprised, scared, and jumping
from the bed he said :
“My gracious, Maria, there’s a toad
or something uuder the covers. I
touched it with c y foot.”
Mrs Pitman gave a loud scream
and was on tbe iloor in an instant.
“Now, don’t go hollering and wak
ing up the neighborhood,” said the
Judge. “You get a broom or some
thing, and we’ll fix the thing, mighty
quick.”
Mrs, Pitman got the broom and gave
it to the Judge with the remark that
she felt as though snakes were creep
ing up and down her legs and back.
“Oh, nonsense, Maria! Now, turn
down the covers slowly while I hold
the broom and bang it. Put a bucket
of water alongside of the bed so that
we can shove it in and drown it.”
Mrs. Pitman fixed the bucket and
gently removed the covers. The
judge held the broom uplifted, and
as the black ribbon of the silver watch
was revealed, he cracked away at it
three or four times with the broom,
then he pushed the thing off into the
bucket. Then they took the light to
investigate the matter. When the
Judge saw what it was, he said :
“I might have known; it’s just
like you women to go screeching and
fussing about nothing. It’s utterly
ruined.”
“It was you that made the fuss, not
me,” said Mrs. Pitmau.
“You needn’t try to put the blame
on me.”
Then the Judge turned in and
growled at Marla until he fell asleep.
boiling water must be kept in the
teakettle so that the outer pail may be
supplied from it. It may also ha nec
essary to add a little to the rice. One
important consideration to bear in
mind is that the rice must not be
stirred at all. Stirring will spoil the
shape of tbe kernels In India the
rice is boiled and served with meat
and the favorite curry, and the dish
is then called “a curry.” A recipe for
tuakiug the curry powder is here
given; To three parts turmeric add
two parts black pepper, three-fourths
of a part of cayenne pepper, half e
part of ginger root, four parts cumin
seeds, six parts of coriander seeds, a
quarter of a part each of nutmeg,
cloves and cinnamon. The imported
curry powder, which can be bought at
almost all large groceries, is a very
satisfaotoiy preparation. But the cook
must remember that it is dangerous
to put in much at a time, as the full
flavor of the powder is not developed
until it has been wet some little time—
say three or four minutes.
Pious Reflections.
Rats and Mice.
Kitchen Interests.
mk : Clerk—“What do
sir?” Ruffian—“Why, I
to tell you that I am
tike l down and rob-
Clerk—"Well,
PJ but you’ll have to
If, sir.”
ian Banged.
[an Ontario street
*to the grocery and
of green-peas.” “I
r to wiggle,” answered
on, I tell you.’-’ “I
jump.” “If you don’t
will tell your father
,home.” “I should
^Never mind, sir.”
W v
‘I
Le posi-
to the gro-
was a tattler
fuld jump on me if I
“rem!” “Yes, sir.”
that you said to your
Co-day?” “Never said notn-
r ‘Then I am a story-teller and
ire a pretty boy,” said the
“.Look here, young man, if
l't behave yourself, I’ll thrash
Tdo you hear, sir?” “I should
to snort.” “Come here to me,
lr.” And the young man squirmed
wiggle, limped to jump, blew to
battle, whooped to squeal and tittered
p to snort.
[moke Preventing Deaths.
ie one has at last been found to
a good word for smoke. The Burs-
Town Council have been discus-
ig the death rate in that town,
lich appears just now to be rather
igb, and the medidal officer consoles
lem by pointing o^t that the deaths
foultl be more numerous still were it
lot for the smokiness of the town.
The evil effects of tlielr bad system of
^drainage arei
3ted by thoj
( says, largely counter-
;e from the factories
th the atmosphere,
;” aud lie was at
“Intelligent
is own
the
lay
Puffs.—One quart flour, one pint
milk, two eggs ; beat well ; butter size
of an egg, three tablespoonfuIs each of
sugar and baking- powder; roll out
and bake in a quick oven.
Lemon Pudding—Mix well two
cups of sugar with half a cup of butter;
add two grated lemons, five eggs.
Line a deep dish with paste and pour
in the mixture; bake thirty minutes.
Quince Jelly.—Cover the fruit
with water and boil one hour. Then
strain through crash ; strain twice if
not clear; add equal quantities of
juice and sugar and boil steadily
twenty minutes. Let the jars stand
one week before sealing.
Soda Biscuit —One quart of flour,
two teaspoonfuls of cream-tartar, one
of soda, butter the size of an egg, one
and one-half cups of sweet milk;
mix with fl our, roll dut and bake in a
quick oven ten minutes.
Baked Onions—Wash and boil
one hour, change the water twice In
that time, drain on a cloth and roll
each in buttered tissue paper twisted
at the tor; bake one hour in a slow
oven. Peel and brown them and serve
with melted butter.
Yeast —Grate two large, raw pota
toes. Add one teacup of white sugar,
one teaspoon of salt, a half teaspoon of
ginger. Pour over this mixture a cup
of boiling water in which a table
spoonful of hops has been boiled.
Save half a cup each time to start
anew.
Crumpets.—Take two pounds of
breed dough and mix with three eggs,
well-beaten; gradually add warm
water until the batter is the consist
ency of buokwheat cake3; beat it well
and let it rise. Have the griddle hot
and well greased ; pour on the batter
in small cakes and balcea light brown.
How to Cook Rice.—To kijpw how
to cook rice so that it will be dry and
each kernel keep its proper shape is
very simple. Tne first thing to be
done is to buy a farina kettle, or to
have made at a tin shop two stout tin
pails, one several sizes smaller than the
other, in the outer pall put as much
boiling water as it wl!l hold without
running over when the smaller pail is
set within It; look over and wash the
rice, then put it iu the smaller pall,
and put in enough boiling water to
cover it (observe, the ricois not to be
soaked and the water is to be boiling ;
then put the cover of the inner pail
on—the outer has no cover ; the rice
will be cooked tender iu from fifteen
to twenty minutes if you have a tiro
hot enough to keep the water boiling.
The riee, when turned out, will he
dry, and eaoh kernelwill he distinct
A writer in the Scientific American
says: “We cleaned our premises of
the detestable vermin, rats, by making
whitewash yellow with coppera-*, and
covered the stones and rafters with it.
In eveiy crevice in which a rat may
go we put the crystals of the copperas,
and scattered in the corner of the floor.
The result was a perfect stampede of
rats and mice. Since that time not a
footfall of either rats or mice has been
heard around the house. Every spring
a coat of yellow-wash is given the
cellar as a purifier, as a rat extermina
tor, and no typhoid, dysentery, or
fever attacks the family. Many per
sons deliberately attract all the rats in
the neighborhood ty leaving the fruits
aud vegetables uncovered in the cel
lar, and sometimes even the soap is
left open for their regalement. Cover
up everything eatable in the cellar or
pantry, and you will soon starve them
out. These precautions, joined to the
service of a good cat, will prove as
good a rat exterminator as the chemist
can provide. We never allow rats to
be poisoned hr our dwellings. They
are apt to die between the walls, and
produce much annoyance.
What 13 Plagiarij
Damages for Five Children
Killed.
Iu May, 1881, five children of F. H.
Nehroas, of San Lorenzo, Almeda
county, California, were returning
home from a May-day picnic in a
light wagon, and when they reached
the crossing of the Central Pacific
Railroad the vehicle was struck l y a
locomotive and all the inmates were
killed. The father of the children
sued the railroad company tor dam
ages. On the trial it was shown that
the approaching train could not be
seen from the highway until close to
the crossing on account of a covered
bridge and eucalyptus tress. It was
a'so shown that the train w»<= b.nind
time, and running from thirly three
to thirty-five miles an hour. T%e
jury awarded $10,800 damages to
plaintiff, and defendant took an ap
peal. The Supreme Couri has i 111 rul
ed the judgment, holding that “in
view of the rule of damages prevailing
here we cannot be reasonably expect
ed to hold that for such a loss as the
plantifl in this case sustained, the
amount awarded him by the jury was
excessive.
The greatest pleasure of life is loving;
the great pleasure, content ; the great
est possession, health; the grtatest
ease, sleep ; and th6 greatest medicine,
a true friend.
All we waut in Christ we shall find
iu Christ. If we want little we shall
find little, if we want much, we shall
find much; and if in utter helpless
ness we cast our all on Christ, He
will be to us the whole treasury of
God.
Faithful prayer always implies cor
relative exertion; and no man can
ask honestly and hopefully to be de
livered fjom temptation, unless he
has himself honestly aud firmly de
termined to do the best he can to keep
out of it.
Do not wade far out into the dan
gerous sea of this world’s comfort.—
Take what the good God provides you
but say of it, “It p asseth away, for in
deed it is but a temporary sup>ply for
t <mpor£ry need.” Never suffer your
goods to become your God.
T itles rand’s Advloe.
In these days there is much said
about reforming Christianity, or possi
bly of putting it aside altogether, and
replacing it with what is called “The
Religion of Humanity.” The sugges
tions are not novel. The religion of
Christ had scarcely made Its way in
the world before men were ready with
improvements of its methods and sub
stitutions for its doctrines.
But Christianity still lives, and few,
save students of ecclesiastical history,
can recall the scores of its imitations.
The theophilauthropist Larevellere-
Lepeaux once confided to Talleyrand
his chagrin. He had labored to bring
Into vogue a sort of improved Chris
tianity, which should be both a be
nevolent and a rational religion.
With expressions of mortification,
he admitted that he had failed, for
the skeptical age would have nothing
to do with his improved religion.
“What, my friend, shall I do?” he
mournfully asked.
The wily ex-bishop and diplomat
politely condoled with the disappoint
ed reformer. He hardly knew, he
said, what to advise in a matter so
difficult as the improvement of Chris
tianity. “Still,” said he, after a mo
ment’s pause, and with a smile,
“there is one plan you might try.”
“I recommend to you,” he said, “to
be crucified for mankind, and to rise
again on the third day 1”
It was a lightning flash, and the
reformer stood, at least for the mo
ment, awed and reverent before the
stupendous fact suggested by the great
diplomat.
What is plagiarism ?
the questions connected with ll
criticism there is, perhaps, noi
which !t is more difficult to give
is factory answer. 01 course it i
enough to define plagiarism in tlTT ab
stract as a form of theft, the things'
stolen being thoughts, Phrases,images
aud the like; the difficulty is t) de
cide whether iu this or in that evsi
the offense has reaily been commuttj
Sometimes the evidence for the
cuser may be obviously too crusbj
to be set aside ; such as when a s|
mon or au essay or a poem which pre
fgsses to be the work of one man is^
discovered to be identical, sentence,
for sentence and word for word, wij
the previous work of somebody ehj
In such a case it is tolerably del
that deliberate “conveyance,” Pisfty
loved to describe it, must have b.ei^
practiced by preacher or esse
post No. 2. Literature is, lJ
full of duplicates, tfle exists
which cannot by any meai
readily explained. Some tl
have a trick of turning up age
again in the same kind of dreS
Cullings.
though sometimes the si:;
costume is so marked as
suggest a suspicion of literal
the kindly critic is generally
believe either that the reprl
has been unconscious—a vaiT
niscence having been mistakj
original idea—or that the cq
ence is altogether fortuitous
two minds have hit not onf
same thought, but the s*
expression, while workii
independence of each olhj
O, blessed health?,
all gold and treasure
enlargest the soul, and opene?
Powers to receive instruction
relish virtue. He that has
little more to wish for 1 and
so wretched as to want tl
everything with thee.—&tern<f%
Why He Cooled the Wrencl*.
The Current of Rivers,
Avejy slight declivity suffices to
give the running motion to water.
Three inches per mile in a smooth,
straight channel gives a veiochy of
about three miles an hour. The
Ganges, which gathers the waters of
the H'malry a mountains, the loftiest
in the world, is at 100 miles from its
mouth only 300 feet above the level of
the sea, aud to fall 800 feet in its long
course the water requires more than a
month. The great River Magdalena
In South America, running for 1000
miles between two rldge3 of the An
des,falls only about 500 feet in all that
distance. Above the distance of 1000
miles it is seen descending in rapids
and cataracts from the mountains.
The gigantic Rio do la Plata has so
gentle a descent to the ocean that in
Paraguay, 1500 miles from its mouth,
large ships are seen which Jiave
sailed agaiust the current all the wsy
l y the foroo of th© wind alone—that is
tossy which, on the beautifully in
clined plane of the stream, have been
He who says all he likes will often
hear what he does not like.
When a bald-headed man buys a
duster, mohair would be most appro
priate.
“My dear boy,” wrote an Irishman
0 his son, “never put off till to-mor
row what you have done to-day.’ ’
“It is not necessary for a man to be
poor to be honest,” Certainly not.
But it seems sort o’ half way necess ary
for a man to be poor if he is honest.—
Quiz.
She Bridgeton (Me.) News calmly
says : “The types last week made us
say that ‘The showers were not suffl-
ceiut to meet the wants of milkmen,’
etc., instead of ‘millmen.’ ”
An old citizen, returning to his
home from a banquet, meets another
old citizen coming from the opposite
direction. “Ish this the avenue?”
asked No-1 “How should I know?
1 wash at the banquet myself.”
“You made a fool of me,” said an
irate man to his wife. “My love,” she
sweetly responded, “you do yourself
injustilce. Call yourself a fool if you
wish, but remember that you are In
all respects a self-made man.”
Au old miser, who was notorious for
self-denial, waa one day asked why
he was so thin. “I do not know,”
said the miser. “I have tried various
means of getting fatter, but withont
success.” Have you tried victuals?”
inquired a friend.
“It’s my last resort, my last resoit ”
mummied a dejected looking individ
ual as he bracid himself against a
lamppost last night. “What is that?”
inquired a sympathetic bystander.—
“Home,” was the mournful reply,
‘home, sweet home.”
A conductor on a Third avem
horse car was seen one evening expl
ing to the cold air the little irl
wrench used on the rod com
with the fare register. He was
what he was doing. “ Giving!
little freeze,” he replied. “You
that lad in the corner ?” indicating
young man in a state of advancl
somuolency. “Well, he told me :
wake him up at Tenth street. Je
watch me do it.” He then enteret
the car and applied the chilled metj
to the slumberer’s neck. The yoi
man leaped to his feet, rolled his e|
in a bewildered way, and dit-joinj
exclaimed :
“ What—how—where am I?,
struck ?”
“ This is Tenth street, young fell*
interrupted the conductor.
“Oh! ah! Thank you,” said the
young man, getting off th^car in sonjtfj
confusion, followed by the unehecke
laughter of passengers.
“ That al .vavs fetches ’em,” said ’
collector of fares. “ It’s a wrinkla
fid lh?
la tlp|
all of the toys hasn’t ketched on^>yJ
You never see3 me tuggin’ and ua&tjr
lush lads who falls asleep in E'j
rooeh. I just gives ’em au apple!
tion of cold steel. Of course It
do this in warm weather, whj
reason I wishes with all
that there was mor^iiOTin a y|
Not reguJAT, td^Wmght winter*
fret z a a man onto his car,
enough winter to. give my wre
chills. I hopes the company
tumble enough to the idea as
each conductor an ice-box for tl!
his wrench in summer, so he oa
up lush passengers. It’s beti
alarm cToek.
What Vicc-Versa Me;
gradual'y lifted 1 y tne
even agjuiist the curve]
One man was asked by another,
wit h whom he was not on the best of
terms, where he had taken up Ills
abode. “Ohj” he replied, “I’urging
the ct^|feff>redcii<. I sh4
* Sam.” said an old colored
down at the postt ffice to ant
codger, “What’s de meanin’
versa?’’
“It means tolher from which,*
swt red Sam with great dignit
“I dun no,” said the first
think it means upside down.”
“No,” retorted his friend, “I^paone
suah it meann hind side Uefoah.”
A third old fellow oome by just then
and they appealed the question to him.
“I cauuot denplain pczaotly,” he ^
said, “so to moet wid your eomprede J
housion, but wiser-versa, am a piopri- *
ation from tie Lutn and means wuss
and wusa aud mo’ of it. I members
stumblin’ ober it at colledge. It am*
a hard word to pronounce.”
He ambled along with his buck saw,
aud Ahe two who hud referred to hii
L cd alter him with respeot
Jion, w<;
mg