Newspaper Page Text
i
'
(Fine f&ttimu
Sullivan Brothers, Publishers.
Subscription Itateg:
One Copy one year - - $2 00
« “ six months - 1 00
« “ three months - 50
v 0
si T I V E L Y CASH.
Yolume 2.
Waynesboro, Georgia, Friday, February 29th, 1884..
Number 41.
Advertising: llaOg t
Trunslput mlvs. payable In advance.
Font root mlvs. payable quarterly.
CoiiununlelltioUH for pcisoiml benefit wlllbo
elmrj'ed for us mlvs., puyublo In mlvunce.
Advs. occupying upoelul position charged 25
per cent, additional.
Notices KinoiiK rending matter 10 cents per
line, each Insertion.
Notices In Local A lluslnoss column, next to
remllnst, •"> cents per line each Insertion.
All notices will be placed among rending
mutter If not specially ordered otherwise.
For terms apply at thisolHce.
lion. George F. Pierce, jr., Solici-
(or-Gcnoral of the Northern Circuit,
is dead.
A jury <>f womei) tried a divorce
C11S0 nt Chenc, Wyoming, recently.
Tlic poor husband suffered.
A man and his wife, in Gaines
ville cat over 1,200 pounds of Hour
list year, and their combined
weight is less titan 200 pounds.
A white man who is deaf, dumb,
;j ot c and friendless, is in the poor
house at Lexington, pending an of
ficial attempt to learn of the where
abouts of bis relatives.
England lias presented the Uni
ted States with a vessel to search
for tin- Greeley expedition. After
awhile another vessel will he need
ed to go after the searchers.
The Dahloncga Signal says that
there is evidently not a man in
Lumpkin county who could not run
some other man’s business better
than the other man is doing it.
Manatohia and British Columbia
have been on the edge of trouble
for some time, and the drift of
events in Canada is strengthening
the tendency towards separation.
English railroads are adopting
ears m which there are boxes fitted
up inside with india-rubber panel
ing and floor covering, for the trans
portation of valuable race horses.
Albany Medium: If the “old
moss backs” arc successful, the
next Legislature of Georgia will be
“Joe Brown” in sentiment. From
such a curse, good Lord deliver us.
A gentleman who once lived in
Athens, was bitten on the hand bya
womanman. The wound at once
began to inflame, and resulted in
death. [She must have been the
“pizen”sort.l
The election on the sewerage ques
tion, with the privilege of taxing
property one-fourt h of one per cent.,
which came off in Augusta Tues
day, was carried for sewerage by
an overwhelming majority.
Old Simon Cameron passed safely
through Georgia last week, to Jack
sonville, Fla. And yet some of the
“Christian statemen” of the Radical
party would have the world believe
that the white people of the South
are professional murderers.
On Saturday a lady visiting Chi
cago, and stopping at the Palmer
House, while in her private parlor
was assaulted by a man who choked
and chloroformed her, and then
robbed her of $100. When she re
covered the robber had fled.
Columbus Times: Farmers from
different sections report that the
young oats are looking fresh and
green, and that if the weather from
this on continues to he propitious,
u large crop of grain will be harvest
ed this year. This is good news to
ns, and we hope that all will yet
turn out well.
Calhoun Times: One of our col
ored merchants finding that his
cash did not balance with his sales
concluded to search his little col
ored clerk. Upon an examination
the boss found in one of little cuffy’s
inside pockets, two dollars and the
left fore foot of a graveyard rahit.—
The balance was complete.
Lincoln News: Flocks of wild
geese are on the rampage up and
down the Savannah river. They
enter upon and destroy whole fields
°f grain. Mr. N. W. Stevenson tells
us that much of his best wheat has
been completely ruined by them.—
ft is said that no vegetation can
survive their venimous touch.
There is a farmer in Berrien
county who gathered 700 bushels of
corn from a 25 acre field last year,
f lic same farmer plants a JO acre
Held in cotton, from which he lias
gathered an average of 80 hales a
year for the last eight years, the
highest number of any one year
being 88 heavy hales. Still we
know men who travel half over the
I ulon for good farming lands.
In Macon county Miss Lula Jolly
Inis a school, and Miss Lula Bar-
Held is a pupil. The youg lady was
standing very near the fire and her
dress caught on fire, and she was
Instantly enveloped in flames.—
Miss Jolly saw the great danger of
'be young lady, and rushed to her
assistance, and with great presence
°f mind pulled off her own cloak,
•nnl threw it about the head and
shoulders of the burning young la
dy, and extinguished the flames.—
Miss Barfield was badly burned
nlnuit the head, neck and shoulders,
ll| nl it is thought that it will prove
hital. Miss Jolly was painfully
burned about the hands in her ef-
lorts to put the tire out.
The Woman win Shuts her Kyea.
A contributor to one of the mag
azines knows a woman who lias the
habit of shutt.ng her eyes at certain
points of her conversation, and, in
deed, whenever she sees or hours
anything of which she may not ful
ly approve. Ho seems to think that
this is such a rare instance that its
Importance justifies a magazine
article, and lie sketches discriptivc-
ly and discursively thTs peculiar
trait of the woman he knows.
His acquaintance with the sex
must he very limited, observes the
Louisville Courier-Journal, if only
one such woman lias come under
his observation, for the woman
who shuts her eyes is everywhere,
and his lot must indeed lie cast in
social sterrility who does not know
her by the dozen.
In conversation, this habit is at
once an armor and a weapon, ca
llable of the most effective and the
most varied employment. One of
the most common impressions
which it produces is of an in
ward contemplation, a spiritual ex
altation which shuts out as with a
subtile barrier the person to whom
her oral language may he address
ed.
Then, again, it seems as an em
phasis to the most trivial and con
versational remarks. What young
man has not felt a wave of eestaey
undulate through his being when
this woman makes some conven
tional observation as to the bulle
tin from the signal service oflice,
and closes her eyes in that demure
way which tells him eloquently
that her thoughts are not of wind
and weather?
There is a way which she has of
shutting her eyes which shuts the
favored man in with her, and
her alone, and shuts out all the
world beside, just as if she was
pulling down the blinds and draw
ing the curtains; and there is an
other way she lias of shutting them,
however generous, gentle and kind
ly may be her words, which shuts
him out from her as completely as
if the gates of S f . Peter had been
slammed in his face.
It is a sweet characteristic of
woman that she oftentimes consid
erately drops her eyelids when she
finds it necessary or advisable to
say the most disagreeable and cru
dest of tilings. The man who
finds that he lias run short of
change, or who has left his pocket-
book in his other clothes, generally
observes that she shuts her eyes
in the most complacent and exas
perating manner when she accepts
an invitation to stop in a restaurant
after the theatre and take some re
freshments, although there are
philosophers who hold that she
does not shut her eyes so much to
prevent herself seeing the pain she
inflicts, as in anticipation of the
pleasure she is to receive from the
refreshments.
The woman who shuts her eyes—
and opens her mouth—may he seen
anywhere, standing on a chair when
anyone may chance to yell “mouse.”
She can he seen whenever she
attempts to Hit anything with a
stono or other projectile, or when
ever she proposes to strike the
“hull’s eye” with gun or pistol.
She can ho seen any Monday at
the street-crossings when there hap
pens to ho two of her who delibe
rately determine to cross double-file
in spite of the masculine pedestrian
who may he trying to keep from
being shoved overboard into the
mire.
She generally shuts her eyes per
sistently and blindly during the in
teresting period of courtship, and
it is the mistake of her life that slie
does not keep them shut after mar
riage. Rare is the woman so hap
py as a wife as she who shuts her
eyes to the real nature ot the man
whom she idealized into a demigod
before marriage, and rarer is the
man so content as a husband as he
whose wife shuts her eyes to the
crochets and eccentricities, the go
ings and comings, the doings and
not doings, hut particularly of Him
she lias sworn to honor ami obey.
The woman who never shuts her
eyes except in sleep, has either
not yet arrived at the years or
state of womanhood, or is incapable
of expanding into the fullness of
real womanhood.
There Is one infallible test of this.
A few years ago there was much
talk about what was termed tho
“Abbott kiss.” The form of oscu
lation was so named by a class of
emotional or empiric paupers, who
either were constitutionally inca
pable of comprehending the nature
of a true kiss, or whose experience
had been so limited that they laid
not discovered it for themselves—
Consequently, when these people
behold a practical Illustration ot
such a kiss on the stage, they forth
with moved among themselves, and
they exclaimed one to another:
“Behold! this is something new ami
soulful in a kiss. It is altogether
different from tho conventional lip
contacts, the touch-and-go pecks,
tHo resounding “busses” which we
have known among ourselves.—
Verily, this deserves to he set apart
from other kisses, let us designate
it the “Abbott kiss.”
“Abbott kiss,” indeed! Boor, pit
iable, narrow, starved, rhinoceros-
skinned wretches, who did not
know a real kiss until it was shown
to them. As if tho “Abbott kiss”
was not as old as lips and love; and
as if its desecration, its impious
mockery on the stage, before the
glaring foot-lights and the eyes of
staring hundreds, should give it, a
name.
This aside, however, it is noticed
as a characteristic of this kiss that
the woman is the one who shuts
her eyes. It is indispensably so.—
The kiss would he a complete iail-
ure otherwise. A man may set it
down, therefore, as a rule, to which
there are no recognized exceptions,
that the woman who keeps her eyes
wide open while taking part in one
these performances is not a genu-
uine woman, and is not, therefore,
worth kissing. And there is not a
man in a hundred so obtuse that lie
will not shun as he would a pesti
lence the woman who, when en
gaged in one of these lingering
kisses, does not intuitively and
beautifully close her eyes, instead
of staring imperturbably at the fig
ure on the wall paper, or criti
cally examining the mole dh his
nose.
But it were vain to attempt the
enumeration of tho different varie
ties of women who shut their eyes.
The above examples are only reci
ted as an indication that she is not
so rare as the writer of magazine
article seems to think. Now, if he
knows some woman who shuts her
eyes when she passes her own sex,
who is particularly well dressed or
particularly ill dressed, then indeed
he might appropriately embalm
her in a magazine or even in a
hook.
A Novel Cose.
Cor. Augusta Nows.
Atlanta,Feb. 25.—Rather a nov
el law ease came up in the courts of
one of the lower* counties. The in
surance laws of the State provide
that any one acting as the agent of
an insurance company not author
ized to transact business in the
State, is liable for all taxes, fees,
etc., and in ease of loss in damages
to tho insured. In addition to this,
he is liable to punishment under
section 4310 of the code. For fail
ure to make its semi-annual state
ment, last July, the authority of a
life insurance company was with
drawn. The agent not having the
fear of the law before his eyes took
an application which was rejected
by the company. The applicant,
however, was not satisfied, hut met
tho agent under the code, and is
preparing to make it hot for him.—
The sheriff of Decatur county was
here a few days ago, and arrested
him. Thus the ball open, and the
agent will have a lively time. This
sort of under ground insurance is
constantly being done though this is
the first ease which has resulted in
a suit. I learn that the plaintiff
has other charges against the agent,
and lie evidently does not intend to
give him a chance to escape.
A Living Ileath.
A horrible discovery was made
one morning recently in a box-car
on the C., N. O. and T. B. railway.
The ear was what is known ns the
hoarding-car, used for section men
and had been side-tracked for sev
eral weeks in the yard at Ludlow,
Ky. It was locked, and an employe
had reason to open it, when lie was
nearly overwhelmed by a terrible
stench issuing from the inside. In
vestigation discovered a negro
who was still alive, but whose feet
and legs wore literally decomposed.
Medical assistance was at once
summoned, Hut a careful investiga
tion was for the time impossible.—
The sufferer told the following sto
ry: He laid entered the car one
night a few weeks ago to sleep, and
while there was accidentally lock
ed in. The weather was very cold,
and he froze both legs, and thus
lay for two whole weeks in a ghast
ly condition, his logs slowly rotting
away, and still lie was unable to
secure his release. lie had a chunk
of meat which lie gnawed at inter
vals, and thus managed to keep
himself alive. The man was still
conscious when found. Ho was
removed by train to Cincinnati for
treatment.
A lady returning home later than
usual, found her little three-years
old girl in lied. The latter was ask
ed: “Lillie, have you said your
prayers?” “Yes.” “To whom did
you say them, Lillie?” “There was
nobody here to Hay them to, so 1
said ’em to God.”
CotiKrrfts Fighting tho L«ttorlo«.
On Tuesday Mr. Wilson, of the
Senate, reported favorably, with
amendments, from the committee
on postofiiees and post roads, the
hill introduced by Senator Sawyer
to prohibit tho mailing of newspa
pers and other publications contain
ing lottery advertisements. The
hill as it was introducod provided
that it should he unlawful to depos
it in any mail receptacle, postal
car, post-office or to convey by mail
or to give to any employe of the
postal service to he sent by mail
any newspaper, pamphlet, or other
publication containing an advertise
ment or other notice of a lot'cry, or
agency of a lottery, or ot a lottery
drawing, and prescribes penalties
for the violation of these provisions.
The prohibitions contained in the
original hill are retained in the hill
as reported, hut the hill is amended
by striking out the penalty section,
and the substitution therefor of the
following: “Any person engaged in
publishing a newspaper ns owner
or part owner, proprietor, agent,
manager or superintendent, presi
dent or other officer connected
therewith, and any person engaged
in conducting a lottery as owner,
or part owner, and any person com
nected therewith as superintendent,
manager, agent, or in any other ca
pacity, violating the provisions of
this act, upon conviction thereof,
shall he liable to a fine for each of
fense of not less than $200, with the
costs of prosecution, or imprison
ment for not less than thirty days
nor more than one year, or both at
tiie discretion of the court.”
It is also amended by an addition
al section, ns follows:
“All other persons not embraced
in the foregoing section, who shall
violate the provisions of this act,
with intent to give circulation to
any advertisement or notice of a
lottery, or any agency thereof, or
any notice, report, or statement of
any drawing of a lottery, shall ho
subject to the penalty prescribed
in the first section of this act.”
The minority report, signed by
Senators Jackson, Maxey and
Groome oppose the hill on constitu
tional grounds. It is a very long
argument, most of which is that the
general government lias no power
to suppress gambling in any State,
and consequently no power to pro
hibit the use of the mails to news
papers published in the States con
taining lottery advertisements.
LongNtrcnt’i) Accounts.
Washington, Feb. 27.—General
Longstreet United States Marshal
of tiie Northern District of Georgia,
was examined to-day by the com
mittee engaged in investigating the
expenditures of the Department of
Justice. He produced a letter writ
ten to the Attorney General in
June, 1882, in which lie says that it
was one year, less twenty-two days,
since ho had taken charge of the
office, and that during that time he
had received no instructions as to
his work, or the manner of making
accounts. He asked that an exam
iner he sent to look into the ac
counts of tiie marshal’s office before
the close of the fiscal year. The At
torney General complied with tiie
request, and sent an examiner to
Atlanta. General Longstreet said
that the examiner called at his
office, remained hut a few moments
and failed to give any instructions.
The accounts that year, the witness
testified, have not yet been settled.
Statements were produced showing
that the almrgos made by the mar
shal in civil eases were the same as
those made by sheriffs in Georgia.
General Longstreet said that a
combination had been formed
against him in 1882 to effect his re
moval, and secure the appointment
as marshal of J. E. Bryant, and ns
ills chief deputy Examiner Ballin.
Suggestion* to llualiauili.
Do not Jest with your wife upon
a subject in which there is danger
of wounding her feelings. Remem-
that she treasures every word you
utter. Do not speak of some virtue
in another mail’s wife to remind
your own of a fault. Do not re
proach your wife of personal defects,
for if she has sensibility you inflict a
wound difficult to heal. Do not
treat your wife with inattention
when in company; it touches her
pride, and she will not respect you
moro or love you better for it. Do
not upbraid your wife in the pres
ence of a third person; the sense of
your disregard for her feelings will
prevent her acknowledging her
fault. Do not entertain your wife
with praises of tiie beauty and ac
complishments of othor women. If
you would have a pleasant homo
and a choorful wife, puss your even
ings under your own roof. Do not
he stern and silent In your own
house, and reinarkublo for socia
bility elsewhere.
MnJ. (Jeo. T. Ilarncs' Interviewed.
Atlanta Constitution special.
Washington, February 27.—Mr.
George T. Barnes has been the rep
resentative of Georgia on the Nat
ional Democratic Committee since
187(5. lie has represented the State
at large in every national conven
tion since the war, except that
which indorsed Greeley at Balti-
timrre. Few men are better posted
in polities than he. He said to me,
after coming down from the Arling
ton the other night: “We have
had a sort of love feast. I never
saw a meeting pass off more har
moniously or leave a healthier im
pression.”
“Was there any speciul signifi
cance in the call ?”
“No. It was purely a business
matter. Chicago was chosen over
St. Louis, because St. Louis allied
itself to an early date and the sense
of the committee favored a late
date. I don’t know that we called
the convention late enough.”
“Did the members of the com
mittee talk much of candidates?”
“I heard very little said on the
subject. I don’t think it was our
business to discuss such questions,
and so far as I know no man’s
boom was promoted by the trans
actions of the committee.”
. “Is there anything in the talk
that tiie defeat of St. Louis was an
unfavorable event to the old
ticket?”
“Nothing whatever. That is one
of the idlest of the many idle ru
mors in connection with the pro
ceedings of the committee.
“Do you believe that Mr. Tilden
is a candidate?”
“I enn’tsay. I have seen nothing
from him to guarantee the state
ment that he is a candidate. I
have not seen Mr. Tilden in a year
or two to talk to him. When I was
in New York lust summer I went
up to Greystone, hut missed him.
I saw him at a distance riding in
his carriage. I seriously doubt if
lie is ever an active participant in
political affairs again.”
“Is the feeling of the committee
hopeful?”
“Very. The party may not he
exactly in as good shape as it was
six months ago, hut a healthy feel
ing pervades it and I am quite con
fident that we can win this time
with any degree of prudence to di
rect us. The representatives of the
committee generally think so and
we go into the campaign with more
enthusiasm than we have had since
the war.”
“Who is your favorite candidate ?”
“I have no pet ambition in that
line. We have several men who
can lead us to victory and I am for
any of them.”
Oil on the Waters.
Manchester Courier.
Experiments took place a few
days ago from Folkestone pier and
beach illustrative of tiie effect of
oil upon rough seas. The life-boat
fully manned, was used to test tiie
difference between the ordinary
sea and the oiled arer. There was a
stiff breeze from the southwest, and
the sea was tolerably lumpy, with a
strong tide running eastward.—
Twenty-five gallons of oil were
forced through a pipe laid 500 feet
westward, which rapidly spread on
the surface, and for ten minutes its
effect could he seen in no broken wa
ter appearing anywhere within tiie
oily area. The crested waves rolled
up to the outer edge and then sub
sided into a swell. The current in
a very short time carried the oil a
mile'to the eastward In line with
the end of the pier, and this acted
as a breakwater, so that the broken
water on the land side gradually
became much smoother. An ad
journment was subsequently made
to the beach, where some patent
shells, containing a gallon of oil,
were fired seaward from a mortar.
These hurst, and the oil was dis
tributed on the surface with a sim
ilar calming effect. A long flexi
ble hose was also projected into the
sen, through which oil could he
pumped if necessary. Both shells
and hose are intended to he used
in the ease of stranded vessls.
Duck* unit (lulls Fighting fur Fish.
Portland Oregonian, February lflth.
Since the cold spell set in the
river in front of the city lm* been
frequented by large numbers of
“fish ducks,” attracted probably by
fact that the river is kept open, the
fishing is good, and they are not
molested by the hunters. Yester
day forenoon, a large number of
them were busy fishing In tho rivt r
off the Ash street dock. Their mo
tions could he plaluly seen through
a glass. Down would go a duck
here and another there, and after
what seemed a long time to the
watcher up they came, and in near
ly every instance each with a fish
in his hill. A crowd of hungry
gulls who could not dive were on
the watch, and the moment a thick
came to the surface three or four
gulls would pounce down upon
him ami strive to tear the fish from
him. They succeeded in many in
stances, hut in most cases the thick,
while being chased, managed to
Hip the fish down his throat. When
a gull did got a fislt away from a
tluek all the other gulls went to
him and sometimes several gulls
would have hold of a fish at once.
CllIlRKNT (ILKAMMtS.
Boys Killed.
Omaha, Neb., February 27.—
Four boys, ten to seventeen years
old, while hunting south of the c ity
this afternoon, exploded a powder
house containing over six tons of
powder. All four were blown to
atoms.
Turn About that Isn’t Fair I’Uy.
Cummlng Clarion.
Senator Brown wants “missiona
ries” sent to the Mormons. That
would he nice. Send missionaries
to them to convert the men while
they send missionaries to North
Georgia to convert the women.
A Mules Thrilling Adventure.
Butte Inter-Mountain.
The mule which fell two hundred
feet down the Moulton shaft yester
day is still there. He has been
hacked up against the fnce ot the
three hundred feet west drift and
is kicking down ore at the rate of
five tons per day. The kick of a
mule is considered equal to two
stocks of giant powder and it is
likely that the latter will be dis
carded and mules substituted.
Unsympathetic.
A Kentuckian named William
King was recently converted at a
revival meeting in that State,
whereupon he publicly confessed
he had robbed a store twenty years
before. He paid the proprietor the
value of the stolen goods with in
terest, hut the unsympathetic
groceryman threw him into jail,
where he now languishes and ru
minates on the very little encour
agement that Kentucky otters to
the erring sinner to repent.
A Monster Whale Captured near Port Royal.
An immense whale has just been
captured off the coast and towed
into Fort Royal. The whalers often
come down as far as Hilton Head
and Tybee, and in this instance they
ha^e made a famous catch. The
liarpooners have anchored their
burden on the dock and are prepar
ing for active derations. The
monster measures 75 feet in length
and stands or lias 18 feet high in the
dock. The size of the whale war
rants an estimate of 1,000 pounds of
bone and 400 barrels of oil. The
value of the whale will thus he
about $17,000. The scene about the
big fish is said to resemble a regular
whale fishery, and some reports
from tiie coast give evidence of big
excitement about the pet of Fort
Royal.
Tlio Jeannette Victims.
N. Y. Tribune.
The final act in the tragedy of the
Jeanette expedition is ended.
With the last echo of the volley
fired over their graves DeLong and
his dead companions passed into
history. The man who hoped so
much, accomplished so little and
died so heroically, sleeps well upon
the snow-covered hillside, sorround-
ed by five of those brave seamen
who shared liis fate. It seems bet
ter to think of his lying where “Of
his ashes may he made the violets
of His native land,” than resting
amid tiie iiorrors of tiie region
where lie lost His life. The body of
All Sam will go hack to China, that
of Collins will rest beneath the
green turf of his loved Ireland. Dr.
Ambler will he buried in his native
State of Virginia, and Boyd in
Philadelphia. Though those who
suffered and died together will
thus rest far apart, every grave will
tell a tale of devotion and self-sac
rifice that will never bo forgotten.
Tho IMaputoil Treasure.
Washington, February 27.—Mr.
Mahone introduced in the Senate
to-day a Joint resolution for the re
lief of Win. II. Isaacs, of Richmond,
Virginia. Tho resolution lias ref
erence to tho joint claims of the
Exchange hank of Virginia, the
hank of Virginia, and tiie Farmer’s
hank of Virginia, for the restora
tion of $100,000 seized at Augusta,
Georgia, in August, 18(55, by General
Wild, and now held ns a special
deposit in the United States Treas
ury, which money was removed
by tho hanks from Richmond on
tho day preceding the day of the
evacuation of that city by the con
federate forces, and after having
been transported to several places
for security, hud been finally de
posited in a hank in Augusta. It
was seized by General Wild, in
charge of the freedmen’s bureau, on
the ground that, although it was
originally the private property of
hanks, it had become, through
some contract or dealing with the
Confederate States, the property of
that Government, and having been
abandoned on tho dissolution of
said Government, was at the time
of the seizure tho property of the
United States. THo resolution
provides for the consideration of
the claim by tho Court of Claims.
Subscriptions are positively cash
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS.
Wo stood In sunset's fitful glow,
That made the hair nil golden.
Of Mnry Ann, a maiden fair,
(And also somewhat olden);
Upon my shoulder sank her head;
Her cheeks wore slightly rosy,
Her eyes, of Heaven’s softest blue,
llld ’neath tho lids so cosy.
I glued my lips unto her own;
Squo/,o till 1 feared I’d crack her,
Hho murmured softly. “Gracious, Bill,
Yer breath smells of torbaoker.”
A cold spell—Z-e-ro.
Indian affairs—wigwam.
Bill-collecting is easier said than
“dun.”
“Lost—Two cows; one of them is
a hull.”
“I’m the greatest corn remover,”
sings the crow.
To call a little girl deer is making
game of her.
One thing in which two heads are
better than one—a barrel.
Novor hurry a hen in spring-time.
She might lay a scrambled egg.
It is not always the flower of the
family that furnishes the bread.
Yes, Albert, a barrel is made of
many pieces. The only hole thing
about it is the hung.
Some young men are so improvi
dent that they cannot keep any
thing hut late hours.
Has it ever occurred to baseball
men that a milk pitcher is general
ly a good fly catcher?
A color of cloth for coats is called
“sugar.” If the dudes adopt it they
will he sugar-coated pills.
“Are those pure canaries?” “Yes,
sir,” said the dealer, “I raised them
’ere birds from canary seed.”
A sociable man is one who, hav
ing ten minutes to spare, goes and
bothers somebody who hasn’t.
Bhilosopliy is something that en
ables a person to hear with resigna
tion the misfortunes of others.
Teacher—“What does the proverb
say about those who live in glass
houses?” “Bull down the blinds.”
Tramps existed many, many years
ago. One of Watt’s earliest hymns
was, “Let dogs delight to hark and
bite.”
“Don’t you know it’s wicked to
catch fish on the Sabbath?” Small
boy (not having a bite all the morn
ing)—“Who’s catching fish?”
Rev. Mr. Shipp married four
couples in fifteen minutes, which,
calculates the Whitehall Times, is
at the rate of sixteen knots per
hour for that Shipp.
“Sergeant, how many men have
you now ? we’ll have to he moving
soon.” Oh, I’vo got a host.” “A
host—liow is that?” “Why, I’vo
conscripted my landlord.”
“Is it wrong to cheat a lawyer?”
was recently very ably discussed by
the members of a debating society.
The conclusion arrived at was, it
was not wrong, hut impossible.
A sketch in a story paper is called
“A Woman’s Smile.” It is evident
ly founded on a glass of soda water.
A man’s “smile” would make a
stronger foundation for a story.
“Yes,” said the man, “I’m glad my
neighbor’s son has had the good
luck to be appointed a cadet at
West Point. I’d rather he’d have
been sent to State prison for thirty
years. But anything to get rid of
him! I congratulate him—and my
self.”
A young man who laid been go
ing with a Vermont girl for some
time, and had made her several
presents, asked her one day if site
would accept a puppy. Ho was
aw ful mad when Hhe repliod that
her mother had told her, if he pro
posed to her, to say no.
An Englishman was onco boast
ing to an American that they had tv
hook in the British museum which
was once owned by Cicero. “Oh,
that’s nothin’,” retorted the Ameri
can. “in Besting they’ve got tho
loud pencil that Nouh used to cheek
off the animals that went into tho
ark.”
Tho cheapest and best gymnasium
in tiie world—one that will exercise
every hone and muscle in the body
—is a flat piece of steel, notched in
one side, fitted tightly Into a wood
en frame, and after being greased
on both sides with a Imcon rind,
rubbed into u stick of wood laid
lengthwise on a sawbuck.
Beecher says four-fifths of tho
people in heaven will he women.
“That is all riglit enough,” says
Geo. Beck. “Nobody ought to kick
at that. Four-fifths of tho women
are better than the men, any-way,
and they ought to go to heaven.—
But according to that story, what tv
stag party there is going to ho
standing around the fire in the oth
er place.”