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THE MACON TELEGRAPH: SUNDAY MORNING. JtnSTCE 1898
©MKCJQDK?'
-• -GOGSHE
(Copyright, IMS, hr lUchellw, JetuuM »
A PARABLE.
rfihe coach ploughed along through
the muddy road. Tho horn** itrained
every muerle un
der the threat of
the whip. Tho
Fly eat on the
hind wheel with
hie lege llrmly
preeeed nicalnat
it, and a look of
determination on
hie face. A gen-
tleman ap
proached and ad
dressed the Fly
courteously:
■'Pray, air,” xaltf
ho. **what are you
doing on that
wheel?" "Do you
not perceive,” an
swered the Fly,
"that I am help
ing tho conch
along?" "In
deed!" cried tho
gentleman. A t
HETTY.
thin moment the horses made a plunge
forward, and the coach flew through
tho mud. "You ace!" exclaimed the
Fly triumphantly, an he wiped the per
spiration from hla brow. "Wonderful!"
observed the gentleman. "My compli
ments to you." And with a lift of his
hat ho went on hln way. The Fly
smiled complacently and continued hln
Inborn until the coach wan In smooth
country. He then suggested to the
coachman that It would bo a graceful
thing to present him with an •Illumi
nated Address. The coachman's reply
is not recorded.
Now the world Is the coach, and the
Fly Is—-hut a man should not talk about
himself, except In an "Interview," and
oven then ns little an possible. A frleml
of mine, naturally a reserved man,
once took peculiar pains to make him
self pleasant In the circumstances re
ferred to; In the next number of the
periodical ho was described as a "cheer-
ry chatterbox."
ly and vitally than the half-formed
from the entirely formed. How is this?
Is half-forming a purely negative pro
cess, consisting entirely in the suppres
sion and obliteration of the natural girl
—a training In prohibitions, resulting
In that uneasy, self-distrustful de
meanor? Then, with the completion of
the process, confidence returns. Tho
pupil is again at ease; correct behavior
has become automatic. That which Is
perfect cannot act Imperfectly. The
qult*>formed girl knows this. Bhe Is
therefore Irradiated with rational self-
satisfaction; she is quite comfortable
about herself. Consequently her origi
nal nature, habits and ways revive. But
they do not revive In their original
form; they are not what they were, any
more than la the foot of a Chinese lady
when the bandages arc taken off. Tim
finished product Is Indeed conditioned
by the quality of the raw material, but
hew Immense* Is tho gap between them!
Duke? Yet the marriage was
ry, for the Duchess could not be the
Duchess without marrying the Duke.
The Duke, however, might still have
been the Duke.
These arc strange things,
walk because we have legs, or have we
legs because we
walk? The whole
problem of evo
lution is summed
up In this appar
ently simple
question.
To our story.
(The reflections
can, however, be
expanded if de
sired.) The Duch
ess was of humble
origin and sur
passing beauty.
S h o concealed
the one and
heightened the
nf hop hv ' avn.ir
TUB AWKWARD AGE.
The season of drnwing-rooms and de
butantes approaches. Of tho former I
know and shall say nothing. In these
days of realistic %ovels, It Is quite In
admissible to describe the drawing
room unless you have carefully exam
ined tho pantry. But all thoughtful
men—I venture to borrow a phrase
used by (and In) political lenders to
denoto persons of their own way of
thinking—must bo struck by tho sight
of a debutante. Let us ask the ques
tion plainly; What Is done to a girl he*
.tween sixteen and eighteen? It Is no
use for mothers to shake their heads
and look Innocent. When I first knew
Hetty she was hulf-wny between slx-
teen and seventeen, the attainment of
this latter ago being already discussed
as an Important Impending event, llko-
ly to carry with It changes of grave
moment. For tny own part I thought
(such was my Ignorance) that Hetty
did not require alteration. I remember
rather liking than not her free, confi
dent mirth, her unchecked potulance.
her boisterous grace, her open demand
for admiration and challenge to you to
resist her if you
THR APT
MP
days when she
wanted mo (which
was tolerably of
ten) sha used to
say no (In which
surely there was
nothing amiss),
nnd when she did
not she was wont
to state tho ran-
Ison—which was,
t qh a rule, that she
wished to talk
to another man.
She delighted also
•In waging de
clared nnd scorn-
i ful war on other
{girls. She would
carry off their
cavaliers from un
der their pretty
that noses, nnd make
ir K »i light of tho ex-
MOHT. ptolt A little later
she would return Uk» gentleman on
Ids lady's hand with exasperating gon-
eroslty She dressed with oxtrehm
carelessness, nnd regarded a careful
toilette or an elaborate costume as an
admission of natural deficiencies. The
act that charmed* her most was to
rouse sentimentality In some tmplcsn
youth: then, ro soon ns the tends* plant
r.ilsed Its blushing head, she would
stamp on it ruthlessly till she had dono
It to shameful death; and In tho pur
suit of this nefarious* object she stood
at no eccentricity of speech, manner,
or attitude, indulging In grimaces and
contortion!* seemingly Impossible to any
person naturally good looking. In fine,
sin* was such that you could not be
comfortable while she was present, nnd
yet felt very dull when she was ah*
sent: she was at otic® an attraction nnd
«n outrage; there was nothing you c<»uld
praise In her, nothing you would
change; she was utterly and aggres
sively Inelegant, only to flush on.you
at nn unexpected moment « pose that
cried out to ho painted: herself entire,
ly Immoral, she mad*, you feel gray In
wicked pens; herself unscrupulous, she
appealed Irresistibly to your chivalry.
Tims she had the advantage at every
point, and he? eyes lived to proclaim
deep laughing triumph In her victory.
8ho was, In fact, at what ladles call
•'the awkward age ”
THIS EQUALITY OF PLEASURE.
An Ingenious frlenJ once maintained
In conversation with me that all men
were equally happy. The paradox was
supported thus: At each moment each
person wants something, suffers from
Homo conscious "void”; supply It, and
ho la happy. A has the tooihacho; Its
cure would be happiness to him: B has
not the toothache, hut ho Is hungry;
dinner is h1s sole preoccupation. But
how If C have both toothache and- hun
ger? There !>* no difference, runs the
argument. His unhappiness Is not made
greater. It Is merely distributed and dis
persed. In a won], the relativity of
pleasure Is complete, and the baffled
millionaire, who has learnt that the
Kohel-noor Is not for sale. Is Just as
disconsolate as the boggar-l>oy who hoe
but a halfpenny, and whose favorite
tart Is priced at twice the sum. The
aigument need not be accepted In Its
full measure, but It holds a truth worth
remembering, and especially vnluable
to people who deni with conditions of
life remote from those^inder which they
live themselves. Tho philanthropist Is
ready to tell us that riches do not se
cure happiness. It Is not his part to re
mind us that poverty need not mean
misery, hut for a Just view of the world
we need to remember It. We are pretty
well agreed that a novelist who depict
ed n perfectly happy man would en
tertain us with the sketch of a chi
mera; so when he betakes himself to
the other end of the scale nnd
raises our horror by painting un
redeemed misery, hare of all com
fort or alleviations, we are In most
cases right In accusing him of using
an artificial light for his picture. It Is,
in fact, far easier both for speaker and
listener, for author and reader, to un
derstand the unhappiness of a state of
life far different from their own than
to glvo due prominence and weight to
compensating pleasures which their
training nnd habits unfit them to sym
pathize with or appreciate. The ab
sence of what we value Is at once
counted great loss; tho presence of
what would bring us no Joy is reck
oned no gain. These are commonplace
reflections, but have their place when
we try to Influence, say, the life of
"the masses,” still moro than when
we try to descrlbo It. *
Jf pleasure were not so largely rela
tive there would be revolutions every
day. As it Is, my shoeblack Is not un
happy because ho doesn't belong to my
club, and I am not unhappy because I
do not llvo In Windsor Castle.
THE MILLENNIUM.
No doubt tho millennium will come
some day, but It Is certain that sev
eral general elections will be necessa
ry In order to determine what form It
Is to take. Bhnll we all do iip we like
then? This Is the natural man's Ideal,
though Mr. Matthew Arnold was very
contemptuous about It. Or shall we
none of us do as we like? This Is the
ascetic Ideal. Or shall wo all do
everybody else likes? Which seems to
bo the Boplnllst Ideal. What Is the now
state of things to be like? The poet
has painted It: /
•Thfre lov# hn«l never s frnr or doubt;
m . . _
x NEVER MARRIED
other by N every You.”
power. She dyed to hide
her birth, and by an audacious use ot
ti1Ho e dl ’ p,ayed ,he ch e<* »he souglit to
puke waa a strange mixture of
A Ioo *° m«n. »>e was
orten tight. He never went to church
X aK '~ he said, no Pewrltan—but
icaa the Comminution Service for his
private pleasure. He was also a strong
advocate of women's right--so it
Is that every man has his good side.
„S ae „, s ' th ? Duchess was singing the
illAr>f*Illanip" Satin i a t
’Marselllafse*' (she loved it because
Rouge de Lisle wrote It), while the
Duke was twisting the bloodhound's
toll with a thoughtful air. (Suddenly the
Duchess observed:
“X disliked you very much from the
first moment I saw you, Duke."
'I knew it tho moment you accented
me.' returned the Duke.
”1 dislike you very much now,” said
the Duchess.
“Every woman dislikes her husband,”
rejoined the Duke. “You have only to
£° 8ne Nortorlous Mrs. Ebb-
smith to discover that."
"But I should hate you, anyhow/’
pursued the Duohess. "Oh, I wish I’d
never married you!"
"You never did," said the Duke, walk
ing out of the room. •
The Duchess fainted. "This Is ter
rible! she cried, coming to herself; hut
she moved away again directly, recog
nizing that she was not now, according
to our wretched conventional morality,
a person flt to associate with. Her eye
fell on the bottle which the Duke, a
hereditary drunkard, had left on the
table.
"May not a woman," she exclaimed,
"enjoy the liberty accorded to men?
Where Is the corkscrew?”
This was the corkscruclal point In
the Duchess’ career. It comes to all
of us.
1'ntntop* at* like pin*.
Nothin*: looked Mack but woman's eye*,
Nothing grew oM but wine.”
It sounds very pleasant. But where
would the poets (novelists are beneath
consideration) bo without love's doubts,
t* nd what say skaters to perpetual
Hutnmer? Borne people don't care for
singing even when they are told thut
It Is In tun** (they don’t know them
selves). The vegetarians would agitate
to have up the mutton pies nnd peti
tion the Vestry (If there were a Vestry
then) to lay down cabbages. We
should fall 111 with pines, the wine
would be locked up, nnd—well, a good
deal of trouble might srls*e over the
other matter. It has. before now.
FORMING.
Then she wont t*> stay with an aunt
In town, and was there subjected to a
mysterious training. 1 Judge, of course,
only by tho
suits; tt Is rot
mine tv-* fathom
the arcana Imperil
*»f woman. Per
haps. after all,
one would not be
more comfortable
for knowing. llH-
ty came back,
cautious, diffident,
repressed a n d
very carefully at*
tired. She remind
ed me of a man
who walks be
tween deep precl- ■ T . T -
on f n J!^Z K HYWMUm'* TRAIN-
ledge, so closely * pm.
did she seem to watch her own behav
ior. Neither her manners, nor her
movements, nor her skirts exhibited
their former v agaric*. Bhe took refer
ence* to lier bygone self In bad u:»rt.
but even her anger tuul lost Its fresh
ness and Its "tang.” Bhe was not fu
rious now.nor resentrut.but "hurt," and
before this offensive form of emotion
(surely the most unfair of mental atti
tudes) raillery dropped its arms. Bhe
talked little, but with deplorable pro
priety; site listened to dull conversa
tions without a single healthy Interrup
tion; she was docile, considerate, help
ful. I heard a lady deacrtl>e her an a
"sweet girl/* and did not feel able to
deny It with any real confidence. "I do
hope I am forming her," said her aunt
complacently.
THE PRODUCT.
The last stage came. Bhe was forme*!,
but X have ti*K the heart to describe *
to*r. Yet the quite-formed ^trl diffeta
ONE WAY OF PROMOTING IT.
There Is, however, one recipe for pro
ducing the tnlllehnUim which sounds
very attractive. Tho demand Is some
times mode nowadays that each sex
slit uld make laws for Itself. I have an
amendment to propose. "The two
sexes." it Is said In llio “Vicar of Wake
field/' "seem placed as spies upon each
other, and are furnished with different
abilities adapted for mutual Inspec
tion.” Very well, then; let each make
laws for the other. How good: men
would be, and how pleasant women un
der such a regime’. The result would
le kratifying to both, for men always
desire to be good, although they seldom
attain the goal, nnd women are bur
dened with a natural excellence that
Mauds sometimes most serkunly In the
way of their being agreeable. 1 will
not forecast what laws would he laid
down for men. My friend Mr. Miles
(•lurihoy rays In his sententious way,
"For every woman in the polling booth
there would be a man in crlsm.” I
hope bettor things. Put on the male
side of that twofold parliament d
should nt once become a candidate)
there are one or two motions which
would be carried with enthusiasm.
What they? No. 1*11 hear what the
ladles mean to do first.
A FASHIONABLE NOVEL.
Next to being In the millennium, the
best thing is to be In the fashion. This
temptation assails us nil In various
r ^.. , ways. Here la
GRAPHOMANIA.
It Is a pity that the novel has come
to a standstill, for it would certainly
have been a miccess. It has nil the
stigmata of "graphomania;” and the
most successful professors of all the
fine arts nro graphomaniacs—for ex
ample, Richard Wagner, Mr. Swin
burne, Mr. Ruskln and Sir Edward
Burne-Jones. Sir John Millais was, but
I understand that he has to a large ex
tent got over It. And a graphonfknlac
Is—at tjjls point I wish to make it quite
clear that I am not expressing my own
views, but quoting from M. Max Nor-
dau's hook "Degeneration”—a seml-In-
sane person who feels a strong Impulse
to write. The above mentioned dis
tinguished painters, although they
painted, yet wanted to write, and con
sequently painted In a literary way;
thus they are comfortably within
the definition. Among the chief
signs of graphomania are incoher
ence, fugitive Ideation, n use of
Italics, and a tendency to idiotic pun
ning. "The Duchess*' Disenchantment”
displays all these characteristics to the
full; In fact It might have been written
with tho express purpose of showing
what a perfectly developed grapho
maniacs! novel would oe like. The-.ex
ample will bo of great value to M. Nor-
dau for the next edition of his book, and
he is very welcome to use It. The au
thor, of course, will not object, for he
will be In very good company. Not to
be a graphomaniac is to be condemned
to obscurity In these days. It is so true
thnt, ns M. Nordnu genially observes,
degenerates are not always criminals,
Anarchists, or pronounced lunatics (he
mentions on* or two other lines of life
which may be omitted), but are often
authors and artists. "Degeneration” is
a book to read with attention; . It
abounds In curious suggestions. For
example, I bad not myself realized the
connection between a particular sort
of woolen underclothing and Chauvinis
tic sentiments on foreign affairs. It ex
ists however. In nine cases out of ten,
M. Nordau leads us to suppose, the man
who wears the one entertains the other.
It is needless to add that both peculi
arities aro marks of derangement, nnd
the person who unites them is a de
generate, and in all likelihood a grapho
maniac, even If ho be not also nn "epl-
lcptold" and a "mattold.” •
IH THE WORLD OF SPORTS
The Prospect* of the Cornell Crew of Oaw-
• mea at Heolsjr.
QUIRKS OF THE BICYCLE CRAZE
News of the Prize Ring and Chat
About Valkyrie III.—What People
Who Dove Pluck and Muscle
Talk About.
(Copyright, ISM.)
HE crew of gallant
young Americans
which Cornell Uni
versity has sent
to England to
meet the flower of
her collegiate
oarsmen at Hen
ley departed on
the Paris, amid
the booming of
guns, the waving
of flags and the
cheers and hur
rahs of thousands of well-wishers. As the
stately ocean greyhound moved down
the bay all passing steamers and tugs
Hhrieked steamy good-byes in ear-plero-
Ing whistles. The fine steamer IV. G.
Edgarton went down to the lower bay
*vl*h the big three-funneled racer. She
had on board a largo number of Cor
nell collegians, who accompanied the
crew to this city to gladden their de
parture. They had a bund with them,
and the way It blared out “Columbia,
the Gem of the Ocean,” “Yankee Doo
dle” aijd other patriotic airs was soul-
stlrrlng. Indeed. If good wishes avail,
tho Ithacans will win “hands down,”
but I fear good wishes will cut a small
figure.
(Copyright lSwl
The fear was on the cattle, for the^ale was on the-sea.
An’ the pens broke up on the lower deck anklet- the-creatures-fVee-^
An’ the lights went out-on the lower deck an’ no-one^thertbut-iae.
foreigner is nearly always'at a
disadvantage in an athletic contest and
our boys will soon know that they are
foreigners in England. I have no doubt
that they will be met with a cordial
lip welcome, and that they will have a
fair chance to win, but they will, first
of all, have to encounter a strange cli
mate, strange food and drink, and com
paratively strange people, whose ways
are not our ways. They will find the
course they arc to row on more like a
basin of the Erie Canal than anything
else. Tho Henley course Is only wide
enough for three "eights” to row
abreast, and each crew has to keep
strictly to its course, or come to grief.
Tt is a locked course, and there Is plenty
of eel grass on its bottom, though this
detriment, It is hoped, will be nearly
all removed before the great aquatic
contest takes place. As an American,
it would fill my heart with Joy to hear
that the Cornell crew had not only
bearded the lion in. his den, but had
twitched his tall, as well, but I fear
that this is almost too much to hope
for. I feel confident, though, that'the
boys will give a good account of them
selves. Mind! I don’t say that they
won't win. English professional oars
men are not nearly so good as they used
to be. For awhile American and Aus
tralian scullers just rowed all around
them, but their collegiate crewh seem
to be as good as ever. At all events
this international contest will be a good
thing for rowing, for it will stimulate
interest In it. It la one of the grand
est of sports and one of the most useful.
Hurrah for Cornell pluck!” say I.
I had been»stagm' to them to keep 'em
quiet there,
For the lower-deck is-the dangerousest,
requirin' constant care,
An' give to me as the strongest man,
though used to drink and swear,
* I SEE MY CHANCE WAS CERTAIN OF
bein' horned or trod."
I see my chance was certain of bein'
horned or trod,
For the lower deck was packed with
steers thicker 'n peas in a pod,
An' more pens broke at every roll—so
I made a Contract with God.
An' by the terms of the Contract, as I have read the same,
If He got me to port alive I would exalt His name,
An' praise His Holy Majesty till further orders came.
He saved me from the cattle an' he saved me from the sea,
For they found me 'twixt two drownded ones where the roll had landed me—
An' a four-inch crack on top of my head as crazy as could be.
But that was done by a staunchion an* not by a bullock at all,
An' I lay still for seven weeks conva
lescing of the fall.
An' readin' the shiny Scripture texts in
the Seaman's Hospital. .
THE LOVE OF EXACTNESS.
It must not, however, bo supposed
thnt all M. Nordau s points are* so—sh ill
we say remote?—as this. It Is true thru
lie exhibits a portentous insensibility
to the ludicrous aspect of his own
remarks, but the book contains much
good St*n*e, and many neatly turned
observations. He
Swift
notices, among
other things, the
love we English
have for “exact
ness applied to
the nonsensical.”
“An Englishman
accepts a deliri
um if it appears
with footnotes.”
(We may leave to
the graphomani
acs the retort
thnt many of the
author's most re
markable asser
tions are corrob
orated In the
manner men
tioned.) This
true enough, hut
probably need
n o t be con
fined to English
men. Defoe nnd
this notion,
We are bicycle crazy at present and
the craze Is growing instead ot dimin
ishing. The demand for wheels If
something wonderful, and nearly every
manufacturer has all the output of his
factory, for the season, already be
spoken. The fact has maintained
prices, but there is another very im
portant factor In keeping them up, and
that is the fact that It is impossible to
make a light wheel safe and make it
of inferior material. No one, except
one whore avordupois Is great, wonts
a heavy wheel. The demand is for the
lightest that can be made. Of course,
every one who goes awheel knows that
every time he or she rides there Is dan
ger of accident to life or limb should
the machine break seriously. First-
A N7EW WAY OF GETTING A BICYCLE.
ung friend of
mine, who, being a
novelist, desires to
write o. fashionable
novel. He d'fines
hi* object most !u*.
rldly; it Is to com
bine a dlscureton of
serious problems
with a striking
brilliancy of style.
He has written :he
first chapter, but
has moq unhappi
ly come to a dead
stop at that point,
though I am not aware* that they de
fined it. The mao nt the beginning
of our treasured “Treasure Island” is
i concession to the same desire In th*
human tnlad. A thing poems more
difficult to disbelieve when dates nnd
places are given. Toll a ghost story
In vamto nnd nobody I* impressed; say
the ghost appeared to Mrs. Mary Jen-
kin** «t 40 Bpook street, on the 24 th
April, amt simple folk exclaim tfiat you
cannot have Invented all that. Why
not? To a man who can invent the
ghost. Mrs. Mery Jenkins is mere
child's play. The other side of the
matter Is thnt while the narrator at
tracts belief, he lavs himself open to
disproof. Exactness of statement* or
the lie circumstantial, has the same
advantage nnd d’sadventare In the so
cial falsehood, which few of us are ro
bust enough *•> resist. tew righteous
enough to condemn, is it best to
adopt the universal formula of "provl-
our.ly engaged/' whether, in naked fact,
you have any oth*r appointment for
ih** evening of fiOt? Or Shall we be
previous!v enene«‘d” when we are* net,
Tin- mtiM- he* very . and enter Into details only when the
sthiRuv* mi v. much obliged to] truth furnishes them? Or. finally, shall
TfRNov* r-KARAO- nn y who wl’l *ve always enter into details, brtngtn/r
TKttirrirs. for him. I w nUd Imagination Into play where facts fall
da It myrelf, but a difficulty has aria- ua?
tn about terms; rer?e of mv are too A REM \R?C.
strong for me. *rebe story Is citted "The "I should tike/’ ohre*rvod the heater.*,
X)uchv*v Disenchantment/' Here it is “to be engaged to eome one else and
—wLii: (here liof it so faf: j married to George all the tlnu*''
lliitcttous nr# the problems of the! (Georg* wa* he.' husband).
wo*t<5! v*ho can aolve them? I ••! like” murmured Mr. Gladhov,
Why dM th«» r*uk* mu*? the Du*h-1 * t.o d’ee out about three nights a week
*«um tht toalMormed girl no le&a wiJa- es«? Why did the Duchess marry the myaelt.”
class material costa money, and first-
class wheels are not only made of first-
class material, but are finished In a
firm-cl ess manner by first-class,
specially trained, high-priced workman.
Many are the devices practiced to get
a first-class wheel for little or nothing.
Here is a scheme which bids fair to be
come aimost ua much of a craze as
wheeling itself. A club Is formed of 17?>
members or chances. When It is,com
plete 175 small pieces of paper, num
bered in regular rotation from 1 to 175.
are put In a hr.t,'well shaken up and
then each person. In turn, draws a num
ber Irom the hat. When all the num
bers are drawn, each person pays to the
•re isurer of the club as many cents as
his ticket or ple?e of paper calls for.
Thus, If he draws 10, he pays In ton
cents. If 175 he pays the §l.io and so
on. until each ticket or piece of paper
Is cabhcd up. When all have paid the
treasurer, either by drawing lots or
throwing dice, the winner of the wheel
Is determined. The lucky man or
woman, therefore, at the very highest
gets a fine wheel for $1.75, and many
get It for a cent, of course. 17-1 per
son* got—left, but they generally pro
ceed Immediately to form a new club tn
the hope that the next time th»y may
be more fortunate. Of course, this la a
lottery scheme, and Moral, but it Is a
lottery on such a small scale that I
know of several church members who
have gone into It. not only once, hut
several times. By the way, let any of
my readers put the figures from-1 to
An’ I spoke to God of our Contract,
an' He says to my prayer :
11 1 never puts on My ministers no
more than they can bear.
11 So back you go to the cattlc-boats
an' preach my Gospel there.
‘For human life is chancy at any kind
of trade,
•But most of all, as well you know,
when the steers are mad afraid ;
‘So you go back to the cattle-boats
an’ preach 'em what I’ve said.
**I KNOCKED HIM DOWN AN* LED HIM
UP TO GRACE.
‘ ‘ They must quit drinkin’ an' swearin', they mustn’t knife on a blow,
“ They must quit gamblin’ their wages, an’you must preach it so;
“ For now those boats are more like Hell than anything else I know."
I didn’t want to do it, for I knew what I should get,
An’ I wanted to preach Religion, handsome an’ out of the wet,
But the Word of the Lord were lain on me, an’ I done what I was set.
I have been smit an' bruised, as warned
would be the case;
An' turned my cheek to the smiter ex
actly as Scripture says.
But, following that, I knocked hira^
down an' led him up to Grace.
An' we have preachin’ on Sundays,!
whenever the sea is calm,
BELIEVE IN ALMIGHTY GOD AN
PREACH HIS GOSPEL HERE."
An’ I use no knife nor pistol an' 1
never take no harm,
For the Lord abideth back of me tq
guide my ‘fighting arm.
Inclusive, lu a column und add
thorn up, and they will see that the
g**tt*»r up of a club of the kind I tell
of won't come out a lo.^er.
Lord Dunmven’* pet, the new Val
kyrie III., is In the water at last,
and In the course of a fortnight she
will probably have sailod her trial.
Ballon* are very simr*r?*tltlous people,
and the fact that there was a disap
pointment at the flrot attempt to
launch the English bout makes them
phoke their heads and «?>* that she
will bo u great disappointment to S.er
owner when she tr!ea for ti* * Amo 1-
Ci*p. For or.ee i l ap' u ?•••> miy
something In this sailor's
Ktltlon. The Defender will be
launched within the n n r: tm "’«*-!: *.
It touched my pride as an American
when I read, the other day, that Wat
son, the design or c? the Valkyrie,
crowd over the fact that !.. ..nd
compelled Nat Hertesboff to discard
the centre-board, the purely Ameri
can type of boat. In favor of the Eng
lish k*-I type. "Even If we sie
beaten.” said Watson, "we win a vic
tory, lor we will be beaten by a prac-
An’ I sign for four-pound-ten a month and save the money clear,
Aq 1 am in charge of the lower deck, an’ I never lose a steer;
An’ I believe in Almighty God an’ preach His Gospel here.
The skippers say I’m crazy, but lean prove ’em wrong,
For I am in charge of the lower deck with all^that there belong—
WAfch /her u'ouhl not give to a lunatic art l tit competition so strong/
tically English boat built In Ameri
ca.” There is sting enough in the
English designer's sneer, but he
needu't crow too much. His boat. In
beam and shallowness of hull. Is prac
tically of American typo. As a mas
ter of fact, both boats, the Defender
and Valkyrie II.. will be found to be
compromises. The English vessel has
American beam and light depth of
hull, while the Defender has English
overhang, fore and aft. and English
depth of keel and raking stern po:»t
Both vessels are practically fin keel
boats, and every on-'who knows any
thing worth knowing about naval
mott^rs, knows that a fin keel Is
nothing more nor less than a fixed
cc:\t:cboard.
Two of the great sporting surprises
of Decoration Day were the winning
<*t the last of the famous Irvington-
Mllbum road races by Fred W- fUeht
f Brooklyn, and the defeat of Tommy
Conner/ tn the mile race of the New
Jersey Athletic Club carnival. No one
knew aunfct of IUcht previous to the
rate, for ie was a "dark horse,” o?. the
darkest character. He Is only 21 yetrs
old. and is a genuine amateur. He
trained himself, and so deserves all til
was not equil to the record, but tha 1
was due to the fact that the sun '
heat took the energy out of every rn q
who rode a wheel in the race; yes*. t*;: l
out of the most of those who merely
looked or.
Tomrqy Conneff has long been regard
ed as almost invincible ar. a runner,
but In the presence of over <5,000 people
at Be-gcn Point. George Orfcn of the
University of Pennsylvania squarely
beat him six yards In a mile * cratch
race. The time made by tho winn-t —
4 minuter 24 2-5 oecondc--\va3 excel
lent. It was a square and fair defeat.
J B. M'CORMICK.
Sometime* the Way.
"Who’s this mm who has grown so
rich in your ward?”
"Oh, that’s Ska^te, an Ignorant sort
of fellow.”
"And the man who's bankrupt?”
"That’s Maxzles, the eminent author^*
Ity on financiering/’—Chicago Record.
mad*- replied the sifted yen nr: author,
the road aa hot as an oven, and tho * to ib*» emergency .—Chicago Trlb
May Cover Many Similar Cases.
"Here Is Ane faulty passage in vo ir
story,” said the editor. " *Ha! Villa* i!
I have fremd you out. have I? *»i£
hissed.’ Now. how could he 'hlsa* lho.*»
words?”
'He might have had a hare lip, sir.”
- rlxlaf
un«t