Newspaper Page Text
The Foolish Dictionary.
Thr- nnmmi spring freshet of
books Ims poured upon 1 lie languid
and somcwlmt parched public a
grout many showers of perfumed
water, not this flattest of which is
“The Foolish Dictionary.” a some- |
thing or other done to a finish by I
one Gideon Wurth,, Fellow of the I
Koynl Gibe Society, nnd other
equally irrational orgnniznninns, '
says the Chicago Tnterooenn.
Whether Mr. Wurtlz himself is
a living pun matters little, for
t he things lie has done wit h words
would set his more dignified proto
types, Messers Webster nnd Wor
cester despairing. Mr. Wards: be
gins well by dedicating his book
to his dog. “who first heard the
lines and didn’t run away mad.”
Outlie first page lie pitches in
like this:
Absinthe—From two Latin
words, ah, and sinistrum, mean
ing “to the bad.” If you doubt
it, try one. (Old adage, “Absin
the makes tile jug last longer.”)
Adamant—From Adam’s aunt
•reputed to be a hard character.
-Hence anything tough or hard.
Advice—A commodity peddled
•by your lawyer and given away by
.your mother-in-law, but impos
sible t 3 dispose of your. Famous
-ns the one thing which it is “More
blessed to give than receive.”
Good advice—Something old men
give young men when they can no
longer give tliean a had example.
Afterthought —A tardy sense of
.prudence that prompts a man to
.try to shut his mouth about the
•time he has put his foot in it.
Sometimes Mr. Wurdsc gets so
.■funny that he has to stop nnd
lake.n laugh to himself. Once in
-a while he gets retd philosophical,
nnd tells a heart breaking tale be
twixt the lines. Asia this:
Angel—A heavenly ineligible,
with wings and a harp-; or, an
•earthly eligible, with money and
j a heart.
• The lexicographer, who ought!
v to carry a scar for tins, says of
..appendicitis:
A modern pain, costing about.
S2OO more than the old-fashioned
• stomach-ache.
But that isn't so near the point
is these:
Automobilist—A landlubber on
wheels made up to resemble a deep
sea diver.
Barber—A brilliant conversati
onalist, who occasionally shaves
and cuts hair. Synonym for
phnnogrnpli.
. Bench—A strip of stand skirted
■hy water; covered with huh' killers 1
ill summer, life-savers in winter, j
and used as a haven—or haven— i
for smacks the year round.
The author is prone to choose !
those words which relate to the
domestic economy. Os course, as !
he confess, it were impossible for
him to take everything he found
.in Webster’s great volume. He
has done the next host thing.
Here are a few more:
Bicycle .Skirt—An abbreviated !
- garment that makes women lock 1
shorter and men longer.
Bigamy—A form of insanity, in
which a man insists on paving
three board bills instead of two. j
Uolf, says the dictionary, is an ■
. excuse for carrying concealed 1
weapons and a Scotch breath. A
hammer, it adds, is a small, busy
impliment carried by blacksmiths;!
geologists, and knockers for break
in*; iron, rock or friend-hip.
Not content with giving the
modern meaning to good old
names, Mr. Wurjlz, oh, that name j
—must slip in a fvw up-to-date
epigrams.
“Home,” he says, is where the |
mortgage is.
“Aim at. a chorus girl,” lie
writes, “and you may hit a star.”
And here are a few more re-.
visions:
People who live in glass houses
should dress m the dark.
Fine feathers r.iukr lino leather
beds.
A word to the wise is useless.
A bird on the plate is w _>rth two
on the bonnet.
Morev makes the mayor go.
A fool and his wife are soon
’■ailed
I
\<l( n Sli l. Ilii; Slarr.
“I was taken sevi rely sick with kill- I
ney trouble. I tried all sorts of inedi- !
ein s, none of which relieved me. One
j day I saw an ad. of your Electric Hit
ter-and del Trained to try that, \fler
taking a few dose- I fell relieved, and
soon thereafter was entirely cured,’
i and have not seen a sick day since.
I Neighbors of mine have tieen cured of •
| rheumatism, neuralgia, liver and kid- ;
ney troubles and general debility.”
This is what I!. F. Hass of Fremont.
N. (*. writes. Only 50c at Flanders
J Drug Co.
Time and f ide wait for no man !
j—hut time stands still for a
woman of 150.
llUssiroiiN tVreels*.
Carelessness is responsible for many
a railway wreck and the same causes
are making liiinian wrecks of sufferers
from thr.nl and lung troubles. Hut
since tlie advent of Dr. King’s New
Discovery for eoiisiunuiion, coughs
and colds, even the worsCwses can be
cured, and hopeless resignation is no
longer necessary. Mrs. Lois Craggof
Dorchester. Mass., is one of many
whose life was saved by this great
remedy. I’rice 50c and $1 : sample
bottles free. Guaranteed for throat
and lung diseaser hy Flanders Drug
Company.
Unhappy marriages, ns a rule,
may ho epitomized in three words (
matrimony, parsimony, alimony.
Are You u
If you are a dyspeptic you owe it to
yourself aiul your friends to get well
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure will not only ;
cure dyspepsia, indigestion and sour j
s tom veil, but strengthens the whole j
dig-stive apparatus ar.d sweetens the !
life as well as the stomach. When you
take Kodol Dyspepsia Cure the food |
you eat is enjoyed. It i:. digested, as
siniilated amt its nutrient properties I
appropriated by the blood and tissues. |
Health is the result. Sold by Robin
son 1 >rug Co.
Women love flower*—cut and
worn tor adornment of Themselves
they love birds, too —stuffed and
|on huts.
<*uod I'orC liihiiTjn.
( The pleasant to take and harmless i
One Minute Cough Cure gives inline- 1
diate relief in all cases of cough croup !
! and la grippe because it does not puss
immediately into the stomach, hut
takes effect right at the seat of the i
trouble. It draws out the iutlnmma- j
lion, heals, soothes and cures permn- j
nently. One Minute Ciuigh Cure is
pleasant to take nnd it is good alike
lor young and old. Sold by Robinson I
Drug Co.
It wasn’t the apple that temp-!
| ted Adam. Eve’s smiles would
probably have led him to cat w.ven
breakfast food had she asked it. j
The Ueatfl I'uitillj Salve.
DeWitCs Witch Hazel gives instant
relief from burns, cures cuts bruises, 1
sor A s, eczema, tetter and all abrasions I
|of the akin. In buying Witch Hazel
I Salve it is only necessary to see that
i you get the genuine DeWitCs and a I
'cure is certain. Counterfeits are
j worthless. Re Witt's Witch Hazel
Salv.* is perfectly harmless and cures.
Sold by Robinson Drug Co.
When she begins to protest ’
against your wasting money on
her, young man, it is time sor 1
you to either declare yourself or
| back up.
A Cure Cor ll< atlucke.
Any man, woman or child suffering
i from headache, billiousness or a dull
| drowsy feeling should lake one or two j
of IVWitts Little Early Risers night |
and morning. Those famous little
; pills are famous because they are a j
j tonic as well as pill. Whlletliey cleans i
the system they strengthen and re- ‘
| build it by their tonic effect upon the !
diver and bowels. Sold by Robinson:
Drug Co.
Young mothers imagine that
: they understand how Uotumbus
must have felt on discovering
America when they find baby’s
first tooth*
I I
Yofhiiig l.qiittl to <'h u miter lit itt>*
Colic. C'liolcrn ami IHtirrhoru
Itruae«ly lor How cl C'oui
lMsiinfft in Children.
“Wv have used Chwnihei lain's Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy in our
family for years-.," says Mrs. J. B.
Cooke, of Nederlands, Texas. **\W
have given it to nil our children. We
have used other medicines for the
same pur] ose, hut never found any
* thing to equal Chamberlain's. If you
will use it us directed it will always
cure/' For sale by all druggists.
A Chicago woman is sumg her;
husband for divorce because he j
has not smiled for seven years.
Many Chicago m?n have been :
sued for divorce for indulging m
» “ i
| too many smik’-s.
Dooun'l Respect Old Ago.
It’s shameful when youth tails to
! show proper respect for old age, but
just the contrary in the case of Dr.
King’s New Life Dills. They eut off
; maladies no matt r how severs and ir
respective of old age. Dyspepsia, jaun
dice, fever, constipation all yield to
this p-rfect pill. 25c at Flanders
Drug Co.
A faint heart is more apt to
will the fair Duly than a faint
hank account.
If it wern't for their mistakes a
i great many men would never be
heard of.
A Himnwaj Bicycle.
Terminated with an ugly cut on the
leg of J. B. Orner, Franklin Grove,
: 111. It develoeed a stubborn ulcer un
yielding to doctors ayd remedies for
four years. Then Buck ten’s Arnica
salve cured. It’s just as good for
burns, scalds, skin eruptions and piles.
25c at Flanders Drug Co. ,
When a man thinks lie is the
whole church he is apt to ignore i
the head of the church.
K< l»ti<-lllicumiillsiu Cared.
“I have been subject to sciatic rheu
matism for years,” says K. 11. Wald
ron, of Wilton Junction, la. "My
joints were stiff and gave me much
, | pain and discomfort. My joints would
crack when I straightened up. I used
Cliantbcrlaiu’s Pain Balm and have
been thoroughly cured. Ilavenothad
a pain or ache from the old trouble
for many months. It is | certainly a
most wonderfal liniment.” For sale
j by all druggists.
When a leap year girl proposes
i it’s tip to the young man to lose
i his self-possession.
Rest Cough Medicine Cor Children
When you buy it cough medicine for
i small children you want one in which
you can place implicit confidence.
You want one that not only relieves
i but cures. You want one that is 1111-
i questionably harmless. You want one
! that is pleasant to take. I’hamber
j lain’s Cough Remedy meets all these
conditions. There is nothing so good
for the coughs and colds incident to
childhood. It is also n certain pre
i ventive and cure for croup, and there
lis no danger whatever from whooping
| cough when it is given. It Vas been
Aised in many epidemics of that dis
i ease with perfect success. Forsah- hy
! all druggists.
A poor girl’s idea of a mercen
ary wretch is a young man who
marries a rich widow.
■ f TiniulM-rlatu*NSil»HiH<-k and I.iier
Tablet*.
When you feel dull after eating.
When you have no appetite.
When you have a bad taste in the !
I mouth.
When your liver is torpid.
When your bowels are coftstipatod. !
When you have a headache.
When you feel bilious,
j They will improve your appetite,
cleanse ami invigorate your stomach,
j and regulate your liver and bowels.
| For sick headache try t’haniber
laiu’s Stomach and Liver Tablets ; they
will ward off the atlact if taken in
time. Price 25 cents per box. For
1 sale by all druggists. . ly.
Three For One.
To the first 250 paying us
one dollar, either old or new
subscribers, we will send the
Advance,the American Farmer
and the American Home one
/•ear. Send in at once, as the
I first come will be the first
served.
1
1 E. MORGAN
ITliystioian •Vnd
Surgeon.
Vtdai.ia, Gkoroia.
H. J WRIGHT,
Builder ami
Contractor,
VIDALIA, GEORGIA.
Contracts Promptly Completed
Plans and Estimates Furnish
ed on Short Notice.
6. E. Staffs -
Contractor
and Builder.
Plans and Estimates Fur
nished Free.
Viditlia, Ga.
; Office at The New Yidalia.
KETSTONF.
SHAVING PARLOR,
Silors Ijiteell, l’rop.
Shaving, Haircutting and
, all tonsorial work done in the
most approved style. Good
tools, expert barbers and first
1 class work in every respect.
L. C. Campbell
& Bro., -
lilacksmiilim anti
"Wheehvriglitw,
All kinds of repair work
in iron or wood done
promptly at reasonable
prices.
Ttuairios anti
I
Wagons Painted.
Give ns a call when in
need of anything in
onr line. Shop on Mc-
Intosh street — Durden
old stand.
L. C. Campbell 5 Bro.
Vidalia
Bottling'
W orks,
KING & DURRETT
Proprietors.
We are now open for busi
ness and will be pleased to
supply the trade in this vicin
ity from our wagon. Good
goods and prompt service will
characterize our manner of
doing business.
Vidalia, Ga.
Nothing has ever equally it. I
Nothing can ever surpass it. u
Dr. King’s
New Discovery
j A Perfect For All Throat and
I Cure: Lung Troubles.
Money back if It rail*. Trial Bottle, free.
Fop Pain
Take a Dr. Miles’
Anti-Pain Pill, and
the Pain will dis
appear Like
Magic.
Not by paralyzing the nerves and
glands, like opium, morphine, cocaine,
nnd oilier daryrrous tlrugj-. Put by in
creasing the natural secretions.
This action is obtained as a result of
modern discoveries in medicine, making
it possible to relievo pain without bud
after-effects.
You can safely depend upon Pr. Miles*
Anti-Pain Pills to relieve and cure su. Ii
pains u 3 Neuralgia, Headache, Stomach
ache, Menstrual Pains, Rheumatism,
Backache, Toothache, etc.
They will also, .by tlicir calming act
ion on the nerves, almost instantly re
lieve such distressing feelings as Diz
ziness, Car-Sickness, Indigestion. Irri
tability, Sleeplessness, Nervousness, ei 2.
Not merely do they relievo, but they
also nbsoluti ly cure, becauso by perse
vering in ti c!? use, you do away with
the cause.
Dr. Milos’ Anti-Pain Pills are guar
anteed that lirst package will l enci'.t. or
your money back. Never sold in l vile.
”1 am thankful for tlic good l;r.
Mibs* Anti-IV.»a Phis have and are
: iJu.tig m*. Ewr since the war 1 ha\\>
had •polls of severe throbhin ? k«-id
! ache, caused by catarrh, until six y-nrs
ago, 1 began taking Anti-Pahi l'ilis. ,
tl.c only r-mod/ that .v r - gtvo
me relief, fiin-e then I hn\e not had
one bard attack, because 1 take a l\il
and it o •«»;xo:nes the difficulty.**—GEO. !
PAt'NDEKA. G-oonsbnig. ini.
tipTf Write to us for Free T: -I
* Package of Dr. Miles’ Anti- ,
Pain Pills, tin* Now Sclent:!': ; Resaedy
for Pain. Also Symptom Plan . Our
Specialist will diagnose your c. so. tell
you wliat is wrong, anil liow t<> i it,
Free. Dlt. MILKS MKDIC’Aj CO.,
l-ABOIiAYUUIi-J. iiklUi-U.T, I*\’U
I/. J_|DYSPEPSIA CURE
m "fe 4|| I|| ;'|l m DIGESTS WHAT you eat
5 rrej |sgj |jy? Ths sl. OD bottle contai.-.s 2V% times the trial etie, which Mlisfor 50 cente.
Lj*jr PREPARED ONLY AT THK LABORATORY OF
ggj m E3 E. c. DtWITT 6c COMPANY, CHICAGO, XIX.
Williams St Grice,
WHOf.KSAI.K AND HF.TAII.
LTQI'OH DEALEHS.
All Loading Brands of Ctts * Goods. Country Orders will receive Lest
'attention. No charge for jugs . Try us and you will pe pleased .
102 West Hroad St.. IV O. Ho, 303. SAVI Wllt. t. A.
Millen & South-Western
Schedule, Effective May 1, 1904.
! .South Hound—Read Down North Bound —Head Up
| No. 1 No. 3 No. 5 STATIONS. No. 2 No. 4 No. 6
5 00a 9 45a 4 00p l.v Millen Ar 8 45a 2 20p 8 45p
503 950 403 South Millen 843 213 843
515 10 C 3 415 Emmalano 830 200 830
524 10 12 424 Butts 823 151 823
'■ ?3 10 21 433 Thrift 815 142 815
545 10 33 445 Garfield 805 130 806
551 10 89 451 Kimball 800 124 800
553 10 42 455 Hook's Crossing 755 121 755
60S 10 51 003 Summit. 750 112 750
008 10 54 500 (trajtmont 747 109 747
015 1103 515 DimU'iivillc 740 1 110 740
021 11 09 521 Monte Junction 735 12 54 735
840 11 29 540 Monte 730 IV 34 730
848 11 35 540 Monte Junction 713 12 30 713
700 1150 800 Ar Stillmore Lv 700 12 15 700
. 800 12 20p 626 l.v “ Ar 1145a 825
808 12 27 030 (ireeli Brown’s Crossing ' 654 11 36 630
809 12 31 835 Kenfiekl 651 11 29 615
815 12 41 839 Ohoopee Park 644 1122 610
830 12 50 045 Horace 636 11 13 60*
855 12 57 049 (J. &D. Junction 630 1106 602
938 101 052 Ponhoopoc 627 11 02 600
850 112 659 Normujutovrn 618 10 53 554
858 119 705 Hillvan 612 10 46 650
815 135 715 Ar Vidalia Lv 600 10 30 640
FRANK K. DURDEN, General Manager.
L. B. Ci.ark. Agent, Vidalia, (la.
-3—^—
“VIDALIA ROUTE”
D. <fe S. Ry®
Effective Nov. 22nd. T 903.
v j w
Xo. 84 No. 82 No. 20 No. 19 No. 28 Xo. 81
P. M. A. M. -a. 11. STATIONS P. M. P. M. A. M.
7(0 Atlanta 10 00
p. m. (Via. Sou. Ry.)
080 f> 00 215 Macon 110 350 845
|0 45 515 225 Swift Creek 12 59 881 830
055 580 288 l)rv Branch 12 50 810 820
706 545 240 Pikes Peak 12 44 801 805
720 800 250 Fitzpatrick 12 85 250 758
780 (i 40 258 Ripley 12 82 225 748
745 025 80) Jeffersonville 12 22 210 788
800 (I 35 814 Gnllemore 12 12 150 718
815 () 55 822 Danville 12 08 180 709
825 708 820 Allentown 1159 128 708
840 725 885 Montrose 1149 108
855 745 844 Dudley 11 89 CT4B 680
905 765 851 Shewinake 1181 12 83 624
910 805 855 Moore 11 26. 12 25 618
;9 80 825 409 Ar Dublin 11 14 12 05 600
110 00 12 05 Lv Dublin 780 620
110 20 12 24 423 Cut 1i it 10 67 710 501
10 85 12 8.9 483 Minter 10 47 655 447
110 55 12 59 443 Rock ledge 10 87 685 427
111 05 109 448 Orlund 10 88 627 419
11 30 JB4 500 Hoperton 10 22 608 858
1148 152 510 Tnrrvtown 10 12 545 840
12 02 206 5 1(5 Stanley ID 06 528 325
12 30 280 585 Vidalia 950 500 300
a. m. p. m. p. st. (Via S. A. L. Ry.) /.m. a. m. a.m.
8 80 Savannah 7 00
Nos. 19 and 20 first class, daily w ith elegant coaches through with
out change between Soul hem Ry. atation Macon and Union station
Savannah.
Xos. 81 atul 84 daily except Sunday. No. 82 Monday, Wednesday
and Friday. No. 88 Tuesday, Thu., Hat. Arrive and depart from
foot of Walnut street, near entrance Central City Park, Mucon.
K. IS. Wii.i.iamson, Traffic Manager, Macon, Ga.
Seaboard Air Line Railway.
SAVANNAH AND MONTGOMERY.
87 78 71 Nov. 1, 1908. 72 74 88
pm pm am Central Time am am am
400 4 550 7 00 J v Savannah Ar 830 10 00 8 25
4 45 Ar Cuyler Lv 7 37
720 945 Vidalia 5 555 7 0(5 *
815 11 15 Helena 405 600
75 71 72 7(5
SIK la 1120a Lv Helena 4 OOp 8 00p
550 12 15 Abbeville 305 700
(5 51 125 Cordnle 140 555
758 3 03p Americas 12 85 450
855 355 Richland 1140 355
7 55 Montgomery 8 00
77 79 ' 80 78
2 lop 10 15a Lv Columbus Ar 515 plO 25a
1 20 Albany 2 15
171 175 ' 172 17(5
3 lop 7 (H)a Lv Abbeville Ar 11 80a 7 OOp
4 45 9(H) Ocillu 9 15 4 55
, Connections: —At Savannah, xo. 71 connects with all trains for
North and Smith. Train xo. 72 connects with all trains for all
points North :11 I East. At Vidalia train 71 connect# for all points
lon M. D. & S., Macon and all points North. At Oordele connections
made for nil point# on G. S. &F. North and South and A. & N. Ry
t At Montgomery with L. &N. and M. & O. Rys. for points South.
For further information call on any agent S A L Ry. or
C. B. Ryan, G. P. A. C. F. Stewart, Asst. G. P. A.
Portsmouth, Va. Savannah Ga.
I E. A. Strunk, Agent, Vidalia, Ga.