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A SHORT CHAPTER ON Ft N.
The sources of the funny, unlike the sources of
the sublime, are not fixed. There are few which
are common to all. For authority on this head, 1
quote iEsop’s Institutes, title “Frog,” which, when
found, please make a note of.
Everybody has seen a kitten play with a mouse,
the capture of which has perhaps been the first
triumph of her juvenile skill. With what perfect
complacency she regards the panting little victim,
as it lies crouching before her, unharmed as yet,
excepting by fear, vet seemingly conscious of its
approaching fate. How still she sits, and feigns
to look another way for the purpose of tempting
her poor prisoner to make, perhaps, the fiftieth
fruitless attempt at escape ; and if, discouraged
by its repeated failures, it refuses to move, how
gently she touches it with her needle-like claws
and forces it to run. How nicely she calculates
the exact distance to which she may safely in
trust it, with a certainty of recovery, and then
with what perfect precision does she pounce up
on it. That’s fun —to tlic cat! It is often fun
also to the human, and even to the humane specta
tor, for mice have few friends. But to the little
velvet-coated trembler, which sees in the playful
kitten only a grisly bear, or a Hyrcanian tiger, and
which looks up with horror at the whiskered
jaws destined so soon to devour him —to him, I
say, it is quite another allair. There is no possi
ble point of view in which he can regard the case,
in which it partakes in the least of a humorous
character. Even the memory of that last deli
cious meal upon a stray crumb of cheese, in the
very act of partaking which, he was surprised by
his bloodthirsty foe (what business wasitof hers?)
even that remembrance fails now to afford a gleam
of satisfaction. His days of merriment are past.
Pu ss becomes tired of play, and taking her mus
cipular friend head foremost into her mouth, for
a moment presents the anomaly of a cat with a
tail at each end ; but one preparatory craunch, in
which a multitude of tiny bones are heard to
crackle, and the catastrophe is ended. That fun
is over.
As far as this homely illustration goes, it proves
the proposition with which we sot out. It might
be proved in a great variety of ways. The un
suspecting fish, which, while foraging for its din
ner, suddenly finds a barbed hook in its vitals, and
the chirruping squirrel, which, in the very act of
bounding merrily along the forest boughs with an
additional nut for his winter store, is overtaken
by the leaden messenger of death, may both be
cited, as the lawyers say, as cases in point. So
may the soaring eagle, who from some lofty sum
mit of a forest, over which he has presided for
half a century an undisputed monarch, tumbles,
bullet-pierced, by the rifle of the fun-loving sports
man.
But there are other varieties of fun in which all
the parties concerned are human beings, yet
which can scarcely be considered as partaking of
a full degree of “ mutuality.” The pleasure
conferred by them is not, like that enjoyed by
Messrs. Pike and Pluck on meeting Mrs. Wittit
erly at the opera, “ very mutual indeed.”
Practical jokes of all kinds may be considered
as coming within this class ; such as terrifying a
family at midnight by means of a kite-string at
tached to the handle of the knocker, and flooring
an unsuspecting visitor by charging the door
knob with electricity. The last named species is
supposed also to involve a slight infraction of the
rules of politeness, and is not to be countenanced
in good society. Whether it is provided for in
the “ Hand-book of Etiquette,” is not quite cer
tain, but, if not, the insertion of the rule is re
commended for the very next edition.
Dan Yawhaw is very fond of fund. He is al
ways on the look out for it, and dolorous indeed
must be the subject from which he could not ex
tracta little amusement. His laughter is perfectly
contagious. There is no resisting it. When the
culminating point of a joke is at hand, Dan looks
vou full in the face, and keeps a close watch of
the muscles about the corners of your mouth, in
order to get a fair even start, and when the first
course of cachinnatory peals is over, if a second
similar scrutiny satisfies him that you are pre
pared to accompany him on another round, he
will lead of accordingly. I have the good for
tune to number Dan among my friends, and
whenever I visit any public place of amusement,
which is but seldom, for I am myself a grave
ancf saturnine man, I take pains to secure his
company, as something more important than
a choice"of seats. A front box at Placide’s bene
fit is nothing compared to a seat with D&n. He
scents a joke at such a distance, and compre
hends its value so nicely,[and pays for it, too, on
the spot, in such clear, genuine, ringing coin!
And then how he scorns a dull man.
“ Just look,” he said one evening at Burton’s,
when the house had just been brought down by
a drollery of Johnston’s. “ Look,” he said, wi
ping the perspiration from his forehead, and still
holding on to one aching side, “look at Mr. Eru
dite Stolidity there, hunting for the point of that
joke, see— see ! ” and sure enough, there was a
grave, gentlemanly-looking man, with knotted
brows, looking wonderingly around the house,
and seemingly in search of something to laugh
at. “ Now, that man,” said Dan, “ wouldn’t take
a joke, if you should fire it at him with a pistol;
and if you should tell him so he would reply that
he didn’t see how that could be done, and that be
had never heard of such a thing as firing a joke
out of a pistol.”
Like most men of humor, Dan has his memory
stored with some choice stories, which he deals
out at times with great gusto. Part of these re
late to his own experiences, and one which he re
lated to me but yesterday amused me so much,
either by its own merit or by his manner of telling
it, that I cannot refrain from attempting to repeat
it. But I wish you could have beard it told , gen
tle reader, for this drinking champagne out of a
saucer isn’t exactly the thing. You should have
been present when the bottle was uncorked, or
rather when its neck was broken, although it
might have endangered the dislocation of your
own.
“ I have a bachelor cousin,” said Dan, “who is
verv near sighted ; in addition to which misfoi
tunc, he is cross eyed. He has been operated up
on for strabismus , on the new mode, but it only re
sulted in changing the obliquity to a different di
rection, and he designs, he says, to have it set
back, for he likes his old squint the best. As 1
said, however, he is very near sighted ; I don’t
think he ever saw his big toe, and I’ve seen him
blot out his signature, with his nose, while writing
it. But that is neither here nor there,” said Dan,
“ Cousin Joe had a favorite spaniel, a handsome
fellow, with long drooping ears and eyes that had
a remarkably human expression. He was an af
fectionate, faithful animal, and his master loved
him as he would have loved a child. Well, one
morning last summer, while passing down Broad
way I encountered Joe wearing an aspect unusu
ally doleful, and on inquiry I learned that Dash
was very sick and was going to die. “He acts
very strangely,” said Joe, “ And I’ve shut him
up in the kennel.”
“Ah,” said I, “hydrophobia, perhaps; won’t
he drink? ”
“Like a fish,” said Joe, “ bat he won’t cat /”
“ Won’t eat ? ”
“Not a morsel, not a crumb, I’ve tried him
with everything ; I even had a chicken broiled for
him yesterday, and buttered, and he wouldn’t
touch it.”
“ Well, that is strange,” said I. “ How long
has he been in that condition ? ”
“ This is the fifth day,” replied Joe, looking
very serious, “and the poor fellow can hardly
stand.”
We were not far from Joe’s house at this time,
and I proposed to visit his patient, to which he
gladly assented, and led the way, uttering man}’
anenconium on poor, faithful Dash, and express
ing his fears that we might not find him alive.
“Well,” continued Dan, “we went in, and we
went to the kennel,” and Dan’s face grew redder
and redder. “We went to the kennel, and there
was the dog —ha ! ha ! ha !—there was the dog
—ho ! ho! ho !—with a-tche—tche with a-hi!
hi! hi! with a great wire muzzle on his j-jaws!”
and then followed a final guffaw, long, loud, and
sonorous.
“Poor Dash ! ” continued Dan, recovering his
breath—“how worse than Tantalus’s had been thy
lot. No sooner had I released his masticators
than he fell to eating like a famished wolf ; and
cousin Joe said he remembered now directing his
man to procure the muzzle —but the servant had
been discharged the next day for some offence,
and the circumstance had quite escaped his mem
ory.” — Literary World.
From the National Intelligencer.
ORIGINAL NOTES BY FRANKLIN.
Among the more curious and interesting books
in the Congressional Library, is one entitled
“ Reflections , Moral and Political , on Great Britain
and her Colonics ,” published in London in 1770.’
The work in question Was originally presented to
Thomas Jefferson by Benjamin Franklin, and
contains numerous marginal notes from the pen
of the distinguished philosopher. As there is a
positive value in every thought emanating from his
mind, and as the notes alluded to have never been
published, we have transcribed them for the grati
fication of our readers. To make them ineligi
ble it will be necessary to quote the several para
graphs to which they allude ; but further than
this we shall not venture, only making it a point
to’quote each passage in regular succession. Be
ginning, then, with the preface, we proceed as
follows:
Booh . The good of the whole British Empire
is what he (the author) aims at.
Franklin . This is the true political idea that
every writer should have in view. Most of them
tkink only of the good of apart of Britain.
Book . By considering the members of the
House of Commons as Senators of the public, we
may conceive them (says the author in his pre
face) to be in a oertain degree the representatives
and guardians of all British commoners whereso
ever dispersed. It is to be hoped indeed that,
some time or other, a better mode of election may be
established to make the representation more equal.
Franklin. In what degree ? Who are British
commoners? Are the American colonies such?
Why don’t you set about it?
Book. We are not in general sensible of the
benefits we derive from society; but by reflection
we may safely conceive the happiness we enjoy
beyond what is attainable by solitary savages.
Franklin . The difference is not so great as
may be imagined. Happiness is more generally
and equally diffused among savages than in our
civilized societies. who has ever
tasted savage life can afterwards bear to hve in
our societies. The care and labour of providing
for artificial and fashionable wants, the sight ol
so many rich wallowing in superfluous plenty,
whereby so many are kept poor, distressed by
want; the insolence of office, the snares and
plagues of law, the restraints of custom, all con
tribute to disgust them with w hat we call civil so
ciety. . ,
Book. This Parliament and Ministry -have
been vilified by all means possible, because they
have supported the prc-cminency of Great Britain
over her colonies, and oblige them to contribute to
the public expense, which lies at present on Great
Britain.
Franklin. A vague word (pre-eminency.)
Why should you oblige those that never were un
willing? Only return to the ancient method ol
requisition and you would have their contribu
tions as usual.
Book. The colonies do not approve of this,
and threatens us with the loss of trade if their
extravagant and unjust demands of exemption from
Parliament taxation are not complied w r ith.
Franklin. This author decides before he ex
amines.
Book. The colonies by their emmissaries keep
their apprehensions alive, and by applying the
words of ancient laws to their own case, have
made many believe that the Americans have
been unjustly treated.
Franklin. What ancient Laws? Probably Mag
na Charta, the Bill of Rights, Petition of Rights,
See.
Book. The colonists and traders cannot expect
to carry tfuir point whilst this Parliament subsists.
Franklin. The author supposes the colonists
wants anew Parliament in order to have the du
ties taken off! He is mistaken. They did peti
tion ; they were not heard , and they will petition
no more. Keep up your duties if you please ;
they will not pay them because they will not use
the commodities. And because they think you
use them ill in laying such duties they will manu
facture for themselves. They now find they gain,
and save infinitely more by your continuing the
duties than they r should by y r our repealing them.
Book. The Irish are British subjects.
Franklin. It is not in Ireland. The Irish are
Irish subjects. The superior power in Ireland is
the King and their Parliament.
O
Book. British Empire.
Franklin. This is a vague expression. Wri
ters like the above confound themselves and their
readers with the idea that the British Empire is
but one State ; not considering or knowing that it
consists of many States under one sovereign.
Book. According to their notion, Great Britain
may provide and protect establishments of her
subjects in foreign parts for the advantage of said
subjects personalty, but cannot make any foreign
settlement for her own advantage.
Franklin. She may if she thinks fit. But she
is not to apply to her ow n use, unjustly’, foreign
settlements made by others.
Book. Few can afford to give their children a
liberal education.
Franklin. How ignorant this writer is. There
are no less than eight universities in the northern
colonies, viz. Cambridge, New England; Rhode
Island, do ; New Haven, do. ; New York, New
Jersey, Philadelphia, Williamsburg (Va.) and
Georgia.
Book. Among them (Americans) learning and
politeness of manners must not be expected.
Franklin. As learned and polite, and more so,
than in any part of Britain, for their numbers.
Book. The character of a gentleman is rarely
to be met with in these provinces.
Franklin. No gentleman that knows the coun
try would say this.
Book. It is the terror of the European strength
that keeps the slaves from rising.
Frunklin. The poor creatures know no more
of such strength than of a strength in the moon.
Book. The inhabitants of Nova Scotia and
Florida could hardly attend their parliament,
which we will suppose assembled in some cen
tral place. *
Franklin. Very easity. ’Tis but a week’s
voy’age from the extremities to the central colo
nies.
Book. Their division into provinces at present
make every colony a little State of itself.
Franklin. There you hit, and they will ahvays
(probably) continue so.
Book . It is true, a time in all likelihood will
come w’hen the colonies of North America will
exceed Great Britain in strength.
Franklin . Then don’t make enemies of them
if you are wise.
Book. The national debt.
Franklin. The writer seems to imagine the
colonies concerned in the national debt. A no
tion quite new.
Book. If this behavior arises in consequence
of their charters, it seems high time to amend or
annul them.
Franklin. Meddle with them at your peril.
No alteration can be made in these but by con
sent of both parties—the King and the Colonists.
By violating them you break the link that holds
those two parties together.
Book. It is the essential quality” of a province
to depend on that State which formed and sup
ported it. *
Franklin. The*British State had no share in
forming and supporting the colonies, except Geo
gia and Nova Scotia; and New England had
great share in the latter.
Book. Wiere cannot be two equal legislature
in any Stale.
Franklin. But there may in different
The corporation of Great Britain are within t} ]f>
realm, and therefore within the jurisdiction 0 f
Parliament. The colonies are with'out the realm •
therefore not.
SMOKING.
The following observations on the use of to.
bacco are from a recent temperance tract :
“ Dost thou smoke Bill ? ” said a tall, l ean
sickly-looking youth, to a fine, robust, healthy
looking lad the other day, as they passed me j n
the street ; while at the same time a cloud of to
bacco smoke came directly in my face, which
made me wish heartily that he did not smoke. J
need not say how glad I was to hear the rosy
looking lad say, “No I don’t.” Just as this con
versation took place, too dashing young men
passed me, smoking cigars, the one about seven
teen, the other about eighteen years of age.—
Turning my footsteps homeward, I could not
help pondering on this almost universal practice
of smoking, pursued alike by old and young, and
ever and anon some of the faces of my neighbors
and acquaintances would piesent themselves to
my recollection, and never was I more surprised
to find, on reflection, how closely were linked to
gether great smokers and poverty, great smokers
and pallid looks, great smokers and want of otann
liness. I took down my cyclopedia, and looked
for the word “ tobacco.”
“ Tobacco,” says the compiler of the book,
“ contains an oil of a poisonous quality, which is
used in some countries to destroy snakes, by put
ting a. little on the tongue ; on receiving it the
snake is seized with convulsions, coils itself up,
and dies; and what is very singular, becomes al
most as stiff and as hard as if it were dried in
the sun.” “ I have been,” Says a very eminent
medical writer, “ now tw r enty-three years in ex
tensive practice, and I never observed so many
pallid faces and so many marks of declining
health, nor have ever known so many hectical
habits and consumptive affections as of late years;
and I trace this alarming inroad on voung consti
tutions principally to the pernicious system of
smoking cigars. I am entirety convinced that
smoking and chewing tobacco injure ultimately
the hearing, smell, taste, and teeth. The prac
tice of smoking is productive of indoleuce; it
opens the pores of the head, throat, neck, and
chest, and then going out into the cold, yrnur pores
are suddenly closed. Hence arise disorders of
the bead, throat, and lungs.” Mr. Curtis, in Ins
observations on health, say r s, “ The extensive use
of tobacco, in whatever shape it is taken, heats
the blood, hurts digestion, wastes the fluids, and
relaxes the nerves. A patient of mine, who used
to boast of the number of cigars be could smoke
in a day, produced ptyalism, or salivation by his
folly ; and, bad he not abandoned the practice,
he would have lived but a very short time.”—
Snuff is highly injurious to apoplectic persons, and
those laboring under deafness and other diseases
of the head, to the consumptive, ad<l to those af
flicted with internal ulcers.— Golden Rule.
BEAUTY OF AMERICAN WOMAN.
Them are two points in which it is seldom
equalled, never excelled —the classic chasteness
and delicacy of the features, and the smallness
and exquisite symmetry of the extremities. In
the latter respect, particularly, the American la
dies are singularly fortunate. I have seldom
seen one, delicately brought up, who had not a
fine hand. The feet are also generally very
small, and exquisitely moulded, particularly those
of a Maryland girl; who, well aware of their at
tractiveness, has a thousand coquettish ways of
her own, often temptingly exhibitingthem. That
in which the American women are most deficient
is round ness of figure. But it is a mistake to
suppose that well-rounded forms are not to be
found in America. Whilst this is the character
istic of English beauty 7 , it is not so prominent a
feature in America. In New England, in the
mountain districts of Pennsylvania and Mary
land, and the central valley’ of Virginia, the fe
male form is, generally speaking, as well rounded
and developed as it is here ; whilst a New Eng
land complexion is, in nine cases out of ten, a
match for an English one. This however, can
not be said of the American ladies as a class.
They are, in the majority r of cases over delicate
and languid ; a defect chiefly superinduced by
their want of exercise. An English girl will go
through as much exercise in a forenoon, without
dreaming of fatigue, as an American will in a day,
and be overcome by the exertion. It is also true,
that American is more evanescent than English
beauty, particularly in the south, where it seems
to fade ere it has well bloomed. But it is much
more lasting in the north and north-east; a remark
which will apply to the whole region north of the
Potomac and east of the Lakes ; and I have
known instances of Philadelphia beauty as lovely
and enduring as any that our own hardy 7 climate
can produce. — Mackay's Travels .
Rail Road across the Isthmus of Panama . —This
great national work is progressing slowly. Ihe
laborers engaged are utterly faithless, and little
can be accomplished.