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to literature, Science, anb ‘Art, t!)e Sons of (temperance, obi> Tcltoiuoljip, iltasonrn, aito (General Jntflliqniee.
VOLUME I.
JVf I ifill £ A H T a
TVICTIM OF A PROOF-READER.”
fhc following, though of rather ancient date, is
.rood remain stored away among the musty re
-1 inf’ of things that were. It tickled us some —it
and we cannot deny our readers a parlicipa
! in the little of spice which we occasionally fer
” ‘ ,l * al f r() rri the musty records aforesaid. These
literally the days of prosy writings, and a
’ us with the refreshing influence of the “ dews
! rinoti.” The author is reading a “ business ”
p tt - r from the “ victim,” when that individual in
person enters.
1 Ah ! ’ said he, ‘reading my scroll, I see.—
r- nv circumstance. But never mind. You make
I“ * some time for the Knickerbocker, don’t
a [)t kind o’ pieces that come out of your
[ borrow that there periodical sometimes,
fa friend, and I seen a piece thereabout a man
!![]o was the‘Victim of a Proof-Reader.’ lam
•> of that class. Two years ago I was in love,
f w;is jilted. Hang details; the upshot is the
i M thin". Well, I had tried the young lady,
i;i l found her wanting; and I thought 1 would
; lie a line of Scripture unto her, as amoltofoi
some bitter and reproachful verses.’ So, holding
a manuscript in one hand high up, and placing
ihe other arm a-ldmbo, he read as follows:
4 TO ONE FOUND WANTING.
i]\{cne, mene, tekel upliarsin!' —Scripture.
‘Thou art no more, what once I knew
Thv heart and guileless tongue to be ;
Thou art no longer pure and true,
Nor fond, to one who knelt to thee ;
Who knelt, and deemed thee all his own,
Nor knew a dearer wish beside;
Who made his trembling passion known
And looked to own thee for a bride.
What is the vow that once 1 heard
Fruni those bahn-brenthing lips of thine?
Broken, ah ! broken, word by word,
E'en while l worshiped at thy shrine!
Broken by thee, to whom 1 bowed,
As bends the wind-flower to the breeze,
As bent the Chaldean, through the cloud,
To Orion and the Pleiades.
Rut thou art lost! and I no more
Must drink thy undeceiving glance:
Our thousand fondling spells are o’er —
Our raptured moments in the dance.
Vanished like dew drops from the spray,
Are moments which in beauty flew ;
I cast life’s brightest pearl away,
And false one ! breathe my lust adieu ! ’
“Here lie stopped —his grey eyes rolling in a
wild frenzy —and drew a newspaper from his
breeches pocket. ‘ Sir,’ said he, striking an atti
tude, ‘I sent them verses for to be printed into
the ‘Literary Steamboat and General Western Alii
•tatf.r.’ It is a paper, Sir, with immense circula
tion. A column in it to be read by the boatmen
and raftsmen of the west, is immortality. I say
nothing. Just see how my infusion was butch
ered. /can’t read it.’
“I took the paper, a little yellow
folio, and read thus :
‘ TO ORE FOUND WASHING.
4 Merc, mere , treacle , O'Sartin ! ’---Sculpture.
•Thou hast no means, at once to slew
Thy blasts, Sind girdless tongues to tree ;
Thou hast no i’argent, pure and true,
Nor feed, for one who knelt to thee :
Who knelt, and dreamed thy all his own,
Nor knew a dearer wish betidle,
Who maid his tumbling parsnips known,
And looked to arm thee for a bridle !
4 What is the row ? what once 1 heard
From those brow-beating limps ot thine ?
Brokers! oh, brokers ! one by one,
E’en while I worshipped at thy shine !
Broker by three! to whom 1 lowed,
As lends the wind-flaw to the tries ;
As bust the chaldron thro’ the clod,
Tu Onions, and the fleas as dies !
‘But thou art lost! and I no more
Mus dirk thy undeceaving glance ;
One thous friendly squills are o’er.
Our ruptured moments in the dance !
Vanished like dew-drops from the sprag,
Are moments which in business flew !
hte's brightest peal a-wag,
-Wd fuhe one, break my bust —adieu !
On breaking into a loud laugh at theuttei stu
pidity of this tvpical metamorphis, I found that
the stranger gr“e W red in the face. He snatched
! hc P a per from my hand, and disappeared, ma
kln o his bow as he retired.” — Knickerbocker .
A young widow who is editing a paper in a
e |f u^ (,r ‘ n § Slate says : .
’ Ue don’t look quite so well to-day as usual,
account ot the non-arrival of the nudes.
There is a man in Philadelphia, so says an ex-
s L an ? e paper, that is so sharp-minded that he
jM Ve ? himself by a mere mental operation.-
<forn S rc yther ahead of the travelling Rat
From Wheeler’s Magazine.
THE FIRST MESMERISER :
OR, WHY SQUIRE JUNES LOST HIS SEAT IN THE CHURCH.
A Georgia Scene.
One bright morning in the latter part of IS—,
ike usual quiet of the little village of A was
disturbed by the appearance of a dashing bturgy,
drawn by two horses ala tandem. The showy
equipage, dashing round the corner, drew up in
style before the tavern door. Now as all travel
ers who stopped at the tavern were compelled to
turn this coninr, it was the grand rendezvous of
all the village gossips and idlers. Here they col
lected to crack their jokes at the expense of each
other, and the wayfarers who came into the vil
lage. Another attraction was afforded in the
form of a little groggery. The place had a couple
of doors facing the street, over each of which
hung a large red sign, whereon was painted, in
large gold letters, the imposing appellation of
“ The Rialto .” The vehicle had no sooner turned
the corner of “ The Rialto” than the crowd
which usually hung about that place rushed to the
corner, and strained their eyes to catch a glimpse
of the objects of their curiosity. They watched
till the baggage was taken out, when they returned
to their seats and began to exchange their opin
ions as to the intentions, business, and destination
of the travelers. Nothing, however, was deter
mined upon until one asked the ’squire what he
thought about it.
“ Why, gentlemen,” said lie, “ I know my
’pinion aint much, because I’m a
plain, onlettered man, but 1 thinks that fellow is
some town dandy and his ootnan gwine to the
springs.”
The ’squire’s opinion was law with the crowd,
and everybody felt satisfied that the ’squire was
right. ’Squire Jones was deacon of the Baptist
Church, Justice of the Peace, and oracle of the
village. He had risen to the first of these stations
by means of a long face, and the proper appear
ance of his visible life. The last two he had
gained through the medium of “ The Rialto.” —
His manner of electioneering was similar to that
practised at the present day. A few drinks were
given away and the donee was his lasting friend.
The ’squire was very severe upon the vices of
the age, and especially reprobated swearing.—
The nearest which he had ever been known to
approach to swearing, was in the use of his favo
rite and only oath, “ Dang my buttons .”
Why it was that he always swore by his buttons
no one ever knew. The ’squire was a conceited
little man —short, fat and round. He was very
cross before dinner; those persons who were at
litigation within the limits of his jurisdiction never
brought their cases up until alter that meal. He
never failed to annex the “J. P.” to his name,
and always accompanied it by an ominous flour
ish, which of ilself would have disclosed the
fact which he was so anxious to have known.
Such was’squire Jones. Every village has one
such.
Curiosity was now at its pitch, and the loafers
had passed and repassed a dozen times before
the tavern door, in the hope ol getting a better
view of the town dandy. At last he came out and
walked directly up to the corner. Entering
“ The Rialto,” ~he took a drink, and then pasted
upon a large China tree just opposite the dooi,
the following bill :
O
• ’ TPS PS SS ?T& SS SS SS SSSS SS SS IT6 SSSS T3 SS SSSS SSSS^
[y MESME RISM ! sj
g I)R* BRIGHAM. §
jS (The celebrated Mesmeric Operator,) and 3
£ Lady have the honor to announce to the 3
£ CITIZENS OF A***** oj
that they will give a lecture on Mesmerism at 3
| the ic.ie.ny. This Evening, at 7 o’clock. |
£ Price 50 cents—children, half-price.
g September 28, 18— [Scrogs, Ir.
ZS. 5L2.2J2.5L2. Zfi. QJ2. SJi S-& %SL SLS. SJIPJL SSL 12JL8.SSL ZJI.9JLS
The Dr. had no sooner lett the uee than it was
surrounded by a perfect host of men and boys,
all anxious to know what sort of show it was.
The ’squire read the bill at least a dozen times,
anti had it not been for his explanation of it, but
few would have known, until they saw for them
selves, what mesmerism was.
“Dod drot it if 1 know what mesmerism is,
said a tall, strapping fellow who bore the cogno
men of Ned Mann, “ tell its what it is squire. Jl
anybody knows you does.”
.. Oh yes ! ” said half a dozen voices, tell us,
’squire. The ’squire’s iny man 1 ” “Isit a suc
eus ’squire V ” and many other such inquiries
came in from all sides. . .
The ’squire, who was elevated upon a pine box,
ihus cave his “ private ’ pinion ’ to the crowd :
“My private ’pinion is,” said he, “ that mes
merism is a Zoological Far nolo gy Lectur . I hat s
my ’pinion, gentleman. And dang my buttons it 1
” “So am I? I,’’ “and If’ cried a dozen
voices. “ Hurrah, boys, for the Zoological Fai n
ology Lectur,” and the hats llew up into the an
like dust in a windy day.
SAVANNAH, GA.. THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1819.
“ The Rialto man ” was busy all day in chang
ing bills into halfs and quarters, and that night
Dr. B. beheld a large, it not, intelligent audience.
The Lecture being over, Mrs. Brigham took her
seat, and the Dr. immediately commenced opera
tions. In about two minutes the lady r dropped
backed into her chair, and was apparently fast
asleep. The passes were then made, and the Dr.
rose and requested some gentleman of well known
respectability to come forward and see that all
things were done fairly. All eyes were turned
upon the ’squire, and he took his seat upon a
bench near by, where, to use liis own language,
lie could “ see the motions.” Dr. B.then handed
the ’squire a pin, and requested him to plunge it
into Mrs. B.’ s arm. He complied, but no signs of
pain whatever were exhibited. Those who had
doubted the truth of the Dr.’s statements, in his
lecture, (the ’squire with the rest,) now began to
yield. The next experiment was made upon the
operator, and the audience perceived that when
the ’squire stuck the pin into the Dr. he made
some remark as to its hurting, and the lady
jumped !
“ The reason of this singulir phenomenon,”
said the Dr., “is because a constant stream of
electricity is running from'me to Mrs. 8., upon
which the pain glides.”
A number of other experiments were tried,
which had the effect of making the good people
open their eyes and mouths wider than they had
ever been stretched before. But when the Dr.
commenced making his experiments in the de
partment of the will there was no end to their as
tonishment.
“ The first thing,” said he, which I will Mrs. B.
to do, is to blow oat the candle which l hold in
my hand.”
Standing off* behind his wife, the Dr. looked at
her with all the force of his eyes, and presently
she rose, and, advancing to her husband, blew out
the candle as lie had willed.
A murmur of applause went round-—ihe ’squire
swore by his buttons that he didn’t know how that
was done, and the whole crowd began to be anx
ious about their safety. They feared a man who
had so much power. Dr. B. then took the watch
of a gentleman, and, holding it up before the au
dience, said :
“Ladies and gentlemen, I hold in my hand a
silver watch, with three hands and a silk chain.—
I will my wife to describe it.”
Mrs. B. complied, and the crowd were now in
ecstacies. But ’squire Jones, who saw how
things were now working, was not so much as
tonished. The first hint which he had of decep
tion, was an inclination of the lady to laugh,
which she only prevented by compressing her lips
tightly together ; and even then'she could not pre
vent an occasional smile from escaping her. The
’squire was ambitious to be mesmerised. He
knew that if he succeeded, it would increase his
importance tenfold. As soon, therefore, as Mrs.
B. was roused, he went up to the Dr. and re
quested his ycer for a few moments. He then
proposed to be mesmerised. “ 1 see how the
thing is worked,” said he, “ ’twill be a good joke
to carry out the deception a little further.”
The Dr. saw that it was useless to deny any
thing. They returned to the stand, and Dr. Brig
ham 0 announced that he would now proceed to
mesmerize ’squire Jones.
This proceeding, however, was strenuously
opposed by the “ old lady Jones ” and her daugh
ters.
“You ’squire Jones,” said the old lady, “ lou
’squire Jones, you’d better not!” and she shook
her finger menacingly at him—“l tell you, you'd
better not ! ”
“ Why, Betsey, honey,” said the ’squire, “ you
need n’t beafeard. No harm can’t come of it. —
Who’s afeard ? ”
“ Are you crazy, ’squire Janes? ” she returned,
“or what upon vearlh do you mean ? \ou’d look
nice gwine up to be mesmerised, wouldn t ye ?
You’d better be at home a savin’ of yer prayers,
an’ I wouldn’t be s’prised if } T ou got turned out of
the church by it yet. If you goes up, ’squire
Jones, and gits to sleep and doesn't never wake up no
more , don't you blame me for it ! ”
In spite of opposition up went the squire, and
in a few moments he was fast asleep. The same
experiments were tried on him with the same
success, and only one more remained. It was
the experiment with the pin. Ned Mann acted
as inspector of affairs , and to him the operator now
handed the pin.
He approached the sleeping ’squire with cau
tion. Then drawing back his arm, with force
sufficient to have stunned an ox, he drove the in
strument up to the head in the calf of the squire sleg
The .effect was electrical. Up jumped the
’squire perpendicularly, to the height ot about
three feet, and he alighted a sitting posture
upon the bench where sat. his wife and grds. Over
went the bench, and with it the old fody and all.
“Oh Lordv,”said the old lady, “I’m kilt I’m kilt!
! It were useless to attempt a description of the
melee which ensued. Above all was heard the
yell of ’squire Jones, as he exclaimed :
“ Ouch ! that hurt, d—n you ! You tainal fool,
you mought a-knowed I wasn’t asleep good ! I
was jest waking up when you stuck me. Dang
my buttons if I ain’t a good mind to walk right
into vou.”
“ Hurrah for the ’squire ! ” cried the voice of a
dozen, while “ Go it ole boss ! ” “ At him Blaze!”
Help up the old lady ! ” “ Where’s the gals ? ”
“ Go it, squire ! ” “Down with Zoology ! ” was
heard all over the room.
Order was at last restored, and Dr. B. begged
ten thousand pardons—the ’squire was soon paci
fied. He was aware that he had let slip a word
not very consistent in a deacon of a church, yet
he flattered himself that none had heard him.—
But he was mistaken. A jealous brother deacon
heard and noted down the word, and, also, the
testimony of a half dozen others. The “ Zoo
logical Farnology Leclur” then closed, and all
went home well satisfied with the eveninsps en
tertainment. The next day the Dr. and his lady
left the village.
But the matter did not end here. On the fol
lowing Sunday, the ’squire, the old lady, and the
gals, made their appearance at church as usual.—•
Alter the service was Qver, a conference was held
to judge of the ’squire’s conduct. The evidence
was so conclusive that he threw himself upon
the “ mercy of the court.” He was sentenced to
six months suspension, and he returned home a
crestfallen man.
“ I told vou so ! ” said old Mrs.’ Jones. “ I
%/
said you’d get turned out for it, and what l said is
jes so ! ”
“Dang my .buttons ! ” said the old man, “I
guess I’ll never go to another 4 Zoological Fa mol
ogij Lectur’ If 1 do, dang my buttons ! ”
Virtues of Milk. —lt is a most perfect diet.
Nothing is wanting to it —it contains curd or case
in, which is necessary for the development and
formation of muscle—butter for the production of
an adequate supply of fat—sugar to feed the
respiration, and thereby add warmth to the body
—the phesphates of lime and magnesia, the pe
roxide of iron, the cholorides of potassium and
soda, with the free soda required to give solidity
and strength to the bones—together with the sa
line particles so essentially necessary for other
parts of the body. It also contains lactic acid,
or the acid of milk, which chemists inform us is
the true acid of the gastric juice so requisite for
the proper dissolving and assimilating our food in
the stomach. It is therefore obvious that milk
should be chemically correct in all its constitu
ents, and that its beneficial ejects on the consti
tution should not be neutralised by adulteration ;
it is, as Dr. Front properly states, “ the true type
of all food.” How necessary therefore is it that
it should be pure; otherwise this wonderful and
wise provision of Providence will be a curse rather
than a blessing.— llugg's Observation on Milk.
Chinese Pirates. —Piracy is carried on to a
great and alarming extent in the China seas. The
pirate vessels and boats are peculiarly construc
ted, being remarkably fast ; the crews are nu
merous, and the vessels are fully armed with guns,
swivels, matchlocks, spears, boarding-pikes, and
other weapons of an offensive description. Their
usual mode of proceeding is as follows : As soon
as they get within reach of their victims, they
throw on board the doomed vessel a large quan
tity of fire-balls ; so prepared as to produce an
intolerable and most offensive odor when explo
sion takes place ; missiles of all kinds are then
scattered around. When the terror and confu
sion thus created is at its height, the pirates grap
ple and board the prize, when, if resistance is of
fered, too frequently all on board are butchered in
a savage manner. Pirates infest the seas between
Hong Kong, Meccao and Canton, inhabiting the
Ladrone island surrounding Hong Kong, which
seem to be abandoned to their sovereignty; and
the passage between these forts is thus rendered
extremely hazardous, both as regards life and
property. — China and the Chinese .
A. Sailor's description of Hunting. —Going to see
my father the other day, he ax’d me to take a
voyage a hunting with him. So when the Swab
ber had rigged the horses, they brought me one to
stow myself on board of—one that they told me
was in such right trim, she would go fast on any
tack as a Faulksome cutter. So 1 got aloft, and
clapped myself athwart ship; and made as
much as the best of on ’em—and to the wind
ward of a gravel pit, we espied a hare at anchor ;
and so we weighed and bore away, and just as I
had overtaken her, my horse came plump a>h>re
upon a rock —the back stay broke —she pitched
me over the forecastle, came keel upwards, and
unshipped my shoulder, and hang me it 1 e\er
sail on land, privateering again.
KUMBER 37