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Sunbeams.
A gentleman of color — a painter.
A friend in deed— a real estate agent.
It is the early turkey that gets stuck.
Proper costume for an elopement— a
cutaway j oket
There is many a silent, throbbing
corn beats beneath a nice dress boot.
A husband should never judge the
warmth of his wife’s love by the coldness
of her feet.
It used to be, “See that my grave’s
kept green ” The new and popular ver
sion is : “Oh, keep my ashes bottled,
love. ”
A Tennessee boy has been born with
his hands behind his back. His mother
will no doubt keep the pantry locked
just the same.
Bertie (on the way to station) “ Mam
ma. I want to sneeze.’ Mamma—
“Bertie, were very late now. You’ll
have to wait until you get on the cars.”
Dude —“Excuse me, Miss Sharp; 1
had quite forgotten you. I am so
absen -minded, don’t cher know.” Miss
Sharp ‘ ‘ Yes, 1 have noticed the absence
of mind.”
Can anybody ted why a woman always
laughs when she is being weighed, while
a man. during the same perforin nice,
has a serious, if not an anxious counten
ance !
“Does your son affect any particular
school of art ?” asked the visitor. “No
—yes—well; he’s painting a Belladonna
for the religions art gallery,” replied the
fond mother.
A gifted poet writes: ‘ ‘ The devil
arose from his little bed, and washed
his face and combed his head.” We
hope not to be considered profane if we
ask where in hell he got his water?
“Phats that?” said Pat to the glass
ware dealer. “ That’s a set of opaque
glass.” “Power’s! Shure Oi lived the
most of me loif near the O Pakes, and
never a glass had they, but a pewter
pot.”
“But, Marie, I thought you despised
Mr. Simpson.” “So I do.” “Then
what did you marry him for?” “So
that he would stay down town evenings
and not hang around me all the time. ”
“Have you heard Miss Simpson sing
since she returned from France ?”
“Several times.” “Do you think she
has improved?” “Very much.” “In
wl lat particular ?” “She does not sing
as much as she used to.”
“ Do you ever sweep under the bed ?”
inquired the head of the family of her
young domestic while examining the
spare room “Oh, yes, often. It’s so
much easier than a dustpan, you know,”
replied the servant.
“I didn’t say, your honor,” replied
the witness, “that the minister was in
toxicated ; no, not by any means ; but
this I will say, when last I saw him he
was washing Ins face in a mud-puddle
and drying it with a door mat.
“Your little boy seems to be very in
telligent,” said a grocer to a customm
whose eighteen months old child had.
in pointing, said, “jug jug.” “Oh,
yes.” said the customer, “he knows
what the jug is. He was born in a pro
hibition town ”
“We find in a recent poem that “she
fell, alas! and hundreds wept.” We
don’t believe it. If she fell, which looks
reasonable enough, and there were hun
dreds standing around, which we have
no cause to doubt, we’il wager that every
mother’s son of then laughed.
Emma Abbott has purchased two
young Florida alligators writes a Plnl
ade.phia editor, “ out if she succeeds in
teaching them to open their mouths as
wide as she opens hers when she sings,
she’ll have to put corsets on them to
keep them from splitting wide open.”
Overheard at a fashionable ball—“I
do think my new dress-maker is just too
perfect for anything.” “But I fancied
the old one fitted yon pretty well, my
dear.” She did nothing of the kind.
Why this one can cut a corsage three
inches lower and do entirely without
sleeves. ”
A boy placed a big apple on the front
steps, and went across the street to see
who would take it. A gentlem in who
observed the action, said: “You shouldn’t
do that, my son. Some poor boy may
THE GREAT KENNESAW ROUTE GAZETTE.
SCHEDULES
—BETWEEN —
Jacksonville and Atlanta,
Via LOUISVILLE and NASHVILLE R. R.
AND
Cincinnati, Louisville,
Nashvillle and St. Louis.
North-bound FROM JACKSONV ,LLE -
700 pm 140 pm Lv JACKSONVILLE SF&W Ari 100pm10 30 pm
8 02 pm 2 25 pm “ Callahan “ Lv 12 l(i pm 9 50 pm
12 30 am 4 40 pm “ Waycross “ . Lv 10 20 am 7 57 pm
535am740 pm Ar SAVANNAH “ __-■■■■ Ar 642am4 32 pm
8 .40 am 8 10 pm Lv*-SAVANN AH CRR Lv 5 55 ami 4 07 pm
12 00 n’nll 15 pm “ Millen “ . . “ 310 am 130 pm
5 40 pm 3 35 am “ Macon “ . ... “ 10 50 pm 9 40 am
756 pm 553 am “ Griffin “ “ 829 pm 730 am
842 pm 647 am “ Jonesboro “ “ 739 pm 647 am
9 35 pm 7 32 am Ar ATLANTA. “ Lv 6 50 pm 6 00 am
11 00 pm 7 50 am Lv ATLANTA W & A Ar 6 37 pm 5~511 am
11 55 pm 8 42 am “ Marietta “ Lv 5 50 pini 5 05 am
12 14 am 901 am “ KENENSAW “ “ 531 pm 447 am
12 40 am 9 27 am “ Allatoona “ ....“■ 4 54 pm 4 23 am
1 49 am 10 33 am “ Adairsville “ “ 348 pm 325 am
225 am 11 07 am “ Resaca “ “ 313 pm 253 am
301 am 11 40 am “ 1 alton “ “ 240 pm 222 am
317 am 11 56 am “ Tunnel Hill “ “ 224 pm 206 am
3 36 am 12 12 pm “ Ringgold “ “ ' 2 07 pm 1 50 am
346am1225 pm I “ Graysville “ “ ] 57 pm 1 38 am
400am12 38 pm| “ Chickamauga, “ “ 140 pm 1 25 am
4 15 am 12 50 pm “ Boyce, “ . Lv 1 31 pm 1 17 am
4 30 am 1 00 pm Ar CHATTANOOGA “ Lv 1 15 pm 1 00 am
5 20 am 1 10 pm Lv CHATTANOOGA NC& St LAr TOS pin 12 50 am
8 55 am 4 15 pm “ Tullahoma “ . Lv 10 00 am 9 58 pm
10 25 am 5 33 pm “ Murfreesboro “ ... Lv 8 40 am 8 50 pm
11 45 am 6 40 pm Ar NASHVILLE “ Lv 7 30 am 7 50 pm
j 7 45 am 6 55 pm Lv NASHVILLE L& N R R Ar 7 00 am ~7~25~pm
9 30 am 8 50 pm “ Guthrie “ .. . . Lvi 5 30 am 5 40 pm
i 140pm12 30 am “ Henderson “ “ 205 am 1 55 pm
1 55 pm 1 30 am “ Evansville “ ‘ 12 45 am 12 45 pm
505 pm 740 am Ar ST. LOUIS“ “ 715 pm 710 am
745 am 720 pm Lv NASHVILLE L&N RR “ 700 am 725 pin
10 25 am 10 00 pm “ Bowling Green “ “ 450 am 500 pm
12 30 pm 12 24 am “ Elizabethtown, “ . . “ i 224 am 230 pm
220 pm 220 am Ar LOUISVILLE, “ “ 230am12 35 pm
6 40 pm 6 35 am Ar CINCINNATI, “ Lvi 8 20 pm 8 15 am
■■■■■■
Pullman Palace Sleeping-Cars between Nashville and Cincinnati, without change.
Train leaving Nashville at 7.50 p. in. has Pullman Sleeper to Atlanta without change;
also day coach through, without change and without extra charge.
First-Class Eating Houses. Meals at Seasonable Hours.
i
The above line may be justly termed THE HISTORIC BATTLEFIELDS’
ROUTE OF AMERICA, the passenger traveling this route passing through or near
the famous battle grounds of Port McAllister, Griswoldville, Jonesboro, Atlanta, KEN
NESAW MOUNTAIN, Allatoona, (“ Hold the fort; for I am coming!”) Resaca,
Rocky Face, Tunnel Hill, Ringgold, Chickamauga, Chattanooga, Tullahoma, Murfrees
boro, and many others, nearly as famous.
Train leaving St. Louis at 7:15 p. m. daily, has Pullman Palace Sleeping-Car, through
North-bound Sleeper, without change St. Louis to Nashville. Train leaving Nashyille
at 7.50 p. m. has Pullman Sleeper to Atlanta, without change; also day coach through,
without change and without extra charge.
NO OMNIBUS TRANSFERS*
ALL TRAINS RUN INTO UNION PASSENGER DEPOTS.
READ DOWN. REA D Ul\
North-bound. STATIONS. South-bouncE i
7 011 pm Lv .IACKSONVI LLE S. E& W . . Ar .... . .7.T.....7
8 02 pm “ Callahan “ Lv
10 45 pm “ Waycross B & W “ ,I
4 10 am “ Albany C RR “Ii
8 10 amAr MACON “ Lv
1 40 pm Lv JACKSONVILLE SF&W Ar 10 30 pm 100 pm
I 4 40 pm! “ Waycross “ “ ' 7 57 pm 10 20 am
8 10 pm Lv SAVANNAH CRR Ar 4 07 pm 5 55 am
8 40 ami 3 35 ami “ MACON “ Lv 9 40 am 10 50 pm
11 51 am 6 47 ami “ Jonesboro “ “ I 6 47 am 7 39 pm
12 40 pm 7 32 am Ar ATLANTA “ Lv 6 00 am 6 50 pm
555 pm 750 am Lv ATLANTA W& -t Ar 551 am 637 pm
6 47 pm 8 42 ami “ Marietta “ Lv 5 05 am 5 50 pm
705 pm 901 am “ KENNESAW “ “ 447 am 531 pm
745 pm 927 am “ Allatoona “ “ 423 am 454 pm
9 23 pm 11 07 am) “ Resaca “ “ i 2 53 am 3 13 pm
10 02 pm 11 40 am “ Dalton “ “ 222 am 240 pm
10 19 pm 11 56 am “ Tunnel Hill “ “ 206 am 224 pm
10 36 pm 12 12 pm “ Ringgold “ “ 150 am 207 pm
10 49 pm'l2 25 pm “ Graysville “ “ 1 38 am 154 pm
11 04 pm 12 38 pm “ Chickamauga “ “ 125 am 140 pm
11 13 pm 12 50 rm “ Bovce “ “ 117 am 131 pm I
11 31 pm! 1 00 pm Ar CHATTANOOGA “ Lv 1 00 am 1 15 pm ;
11 45 pm 110 pm Lv CHATTANOOGA NC& St. L Ar 12 50 am 1 05 pm i
. 3 25 am 4 15 pm “ Tullahoma “ Lv 9 58 pm 10 00 am I
505 am 533 pm “ Murfreesboro “ “ 850 pm 840 am
6 20 am 6 40 pm Ar NASHVILLE“ Lv 7 50 pm 7 30 am
Elegant Sleeping-Cars between Savannah and Atlanta without change; and Pullman
i Palace Sleeping-Cars Atlanta to Nashville without change.
be tempted to steal it.” “That’s what
I’m fishing for, sir. “I hollored out
’ the inside and filled it with mustard."
I Are hair-brained people ever bald*
headed ?
The child’s doll is the earliest “saw
dust swindle.”
The tipsy man labors under the
■ impression that the world moves.
The m >st delicate individual in the
world, should he tread upon a lady’s
i train, is liable to become a robe bust
man.
“ Yoost dook goot care mit your lager
beer saloon,” says Carl Pretzel, “und
so helup me gracious dot place vill took
goot care mit you.”
Human efforts to achieve certain aims,
are very much like a cat trying to catch
its tail. Just as we hink we are about
to succeed, away goes the tail.
Bagley—“Say. Bailey, do you know
what Dr. Heidelberg is—allopath or
homoeopath?’ Bailey—“l don’t think
he’s a uoinoe >path—he’s away from home
■ so much.” ,
There is one consolation in being
bald. When a policeman strikes you
on the head with his club the doctor
doesn’t have to waste any time in cut
ting the hair from the wound.
Grandpa—“ Tell me, Ethel, why de,
you ha ve six buttons on your gloves?"
Ethel— “Yes, grandpa dear, I will tell
you. The reason is. if I had seven but
tons, or five, they would not match the
six button holes.”
“Have you any reason to offer why
sentence should not be passed upon
you?” asked the judge of the female
pawnbroker, who had been arrested for
extortion. “Please, your honor, I
throw myself on the mercy of the court
I am a poor loan woman.”
The Chinaman is not incapable of
humor. Gin Fun, a S icramento laundry
man, has joined the Anti-Coolie League,
and posts over the door of his wishee
; house the sign: “The Chinese must
I go. None but Mehcan man employed
here.” There is fun in Gin Fun.
Coroner (to widow) —“I guess we’d
better hold an autopsv on the death of
your husband, Mrs. Blinks. The death
i was one which rather demands it.”
Widow. “All right, but let it be a first
class one. I know dear John would
want the best or none.”
I
A certain devine who had wandered
! in the course of his travels beyond th •
conveniences of the railroad was obliged
to take to a horse. Being una scustomed
to riding, he said to his host: “I hope
we are not so unregenerate in these
parts that you would give me a horse
that would throw a good Presbyterian
minister?” “Well, I dunno,” was the
reply, “we believe in spreadin’ the
gospel!”
One day a publisher’s errand boy
brought up from the cellar a trap con
taining a large rat. just as a well-known
society belle, wishing to look at one of
Lytton’s most popular novels said to
the new shopman, “I want to see ‘What
Wdl He Do With It?’” “Very well,
miss,’’ was the reply: “If you will
walk to the back part of the shop and
look out of the window you will see him
drown it.”
“This chilly weather makes me think
of my poor dead husband, ” said a widow
as she sat down beside a lady close to
the stove. “He was always so cold,
poor man, and he used to shiver and
wonder if he would ever get warmed
through. He was so miserable when he
was cold, poor man, but it is a great
comfort to me to feel that he is happy
now.”
‘‘My husband is so poetic,” said one
lady to another in a street car the other
day. “ Have you ever tried rubbin’ his
jints with hartshorn liniment, mum?”
interrupted a beefy-looking woman
with a market-basket at her feet, who
was sitting at her elbow and overheard
«he remark. “That’ll straighten him
out as quick as anything 1 know of, if
he haint got it too bad.”
A well-known Baptist minister of a
Western city relates that some time ago
a convert was made of a somewhat ignor
ant girl, and at a. prayer meeting subse
qiientlv he asked her what she would
do if she heard another girl reviling the
Lord Jesus. Straightening herself up.
she said \ “If she was larger nor me I
would tell her to shut up; but if she was
smaller I wou'd slap her right across the
month. ”
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