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THE QEOI^QILAJi’S MAGAZINE PAGE
Daysey Mayme
and Her Folks
THE JOY OF BEING ADAM,
By FRANCES L. GARSIDE.
IT is a wonder that the scientists,
and those alarmists who pose as
such, have never noted the perni
cious effects of gasoline
This commonly used article has a
most deleterious effort on human, be- i
ings. When taken in whiffs from their
own automobiles it speedily reduces I
their mental ability to that of a mum
my.
It impairs the memory! After a
man or woman has taken these whiffs
from his or her own car for as long as
six weeks, not a vestige of memory ,
remains
To illustrate When the Appletons
owned a buggy with a fist wheel to
which they drove a spavined horse, and
asked a friend to go riding three weeks
from next Mon.da-. the' appeared with
the buggy with the flat wheel and the
spavined horse promptly on time.
Now that they own an automobile, if
they ask a friend tn go riding tomor
row, they’ have forgotten ere the sun
sets today that such an engagement ;
was ever made
Daysey Mayme Appleton. who takes 1
everything in its most aggravated ,
form, from measles to love, finds her
memory so badly impaired that she for
gets not only her friends, but her own
father.
“I am not sorry," he said, when the
cae had left without him. "The inci
dent serves as further proof of the Joy
es Being Adam There wore no auto
mobiles in his days.
"Adam." he continued, “missed many
of the torments of today. How many
men are told every meht bv their com
plaining wives, ’I wish you could be in
my shoes for just one day!’ Adam
never heard it. for the reason that Eve
didn't wear any.
The Good Old Days.
"When Adam gav'e his- wife a present
there were no kin or neighbors to
suspect it was a peace offering.
"He never came homo from work so
tired that he could trip on a pin. to be
met with the demand from his wife that
he dress up and take her into society.
"He did not break his finger nails
hooking her dress up the back, like the
hookworm the man of today has be
come. and he did not have big dress
making bills for his wife, while his own
clothes were fit for nothing on earth hut
to go blackberry Ing In
"Neither did ho ever wear such neg
lected looking clothes that he looked
like a bonk the baby has played with
"He never had reason In the spring
to estimate that he had eaten fifteen
yards of bacon and a carload of fried
potatoes in the winter past, his wife
having too little time left from socie
ty’s demands to cook anything else.
"There were no parlors in his days,
consequently no parlor lounge, and con
sequently no cushions on which ho tried
to rest his weary head only to bo re
minded that they are fpr show, not for
use.
“He did not starve to death trying to
be a satisfactory host at a dinner ta
ble; neither did he rattle down to
posthumous fame as ‘Eve s husband.’
“His wife made no Jealous inquiries
Into his past. There being no hats
those days, he was spared the question
that always greets the modern hus
band -when he picks up his bat. And
that question is, ’Where are you go
ing'”
"His clothes took up no room in the
closet, and ho became a model husband
in one shining particular without ef
fort.
No Wifie in Curl Papers.
“Ho never tu Eve with hairpins In
her mouth! And his love "as spared
the disillusion of i "If., in curl papers.
"His wife never complained that she
had to ’pick up’ after him. And he
never had col l chills caused by being
compelled to give Eve his hard-earned
money." knowing she would carry it
carelessly ip. a pocketbook, and leave
it on the fi st counter she reached.
“Eve never attended meetings called
to discuss ’The Seifishne- s> of the Men.’
and her manner of coming into this
world effectually barred her from the
privilege of boasting about her kin."
Lysandei John stopped and sighed
Necessarilv there was much in The Joy
of Bring A'i ;m 11 it proved The Sorrow
of Being Eysander John.
With the thought of the automobile
In mind, end the cost of running it.
and the growing extravagant of "om
en of today, - op, hided;
“And Eve never "as a woman who
thougnt it r-ght to use the family nest
egg for making a < .ike."
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o< Love’s Labor Lost Copyright, 1912. National >'*wa Association. By Nell Brinkley < !
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Even Cunid Can Be Fooled bv a Maid with a Heart of Stone.
The Manicure
Lady
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.
I WAVE just came back from a
j I trip to the county." said the
Manicure Lady. "Goodness
j knows. George. I hated tn leave it.
j Them country people always makes you
I ; feel so at home. There ain't any taxi
cabs there, or any sykscrapers, or any
, j mashers at the corner, but the home
. I i poking is excellent, and you can get
I all the pure country air you want.
I And think of all them little flashes In
j the little brooks, and the flora fauna
■ : in the trees, George."
"I'll bet you don't know what flora
fauna is. kid Tin," said the skeptical
Head Barber
"It is some kind of treetoad. George."
replied the Manicure Lady "They are
| the funniest little things you ever
| seen. The landlord's son found one for
imo and brother Wilfred. It was green.
so they couldn't see it among the
leaves if thev wanted to shoot it. Th.
landlord's son wa- never in the city.
George, and ain't smart like us folks,
but he was awful kind. He showed me
and Wilfred all over the place, tine of
I the things he showed us was a cunning
little wild animal called a wampus. He
, I said that it always lived on a side hill
1 on account of the fact. George, that its
■ '"<> tight legs was sm- ■ than its
tuo left legs. And he explained that]
t was all the time on the right of the I
■id!, and that it alway s had to walk |
straight ahead. He said it couldn’t j
: turn around, so it kept walking."
Hid he tell you all that ?" inquired!
| the grinning Head Barber,
"Certainly he did, George, and I
don't nothing for you to be grin-
: ning about, either. If one of them I
simple country lads wants to be nice
;to city folks that has had more
chances 'han him. and more education,
I don’t think it is none of your business!
m make fun of him.
'Anothi i thing he showed n ano;
Wilfred was i mineral spring. He said I
that in the winter the water in it ;
: tasted like hot whisky, and that in
■ spring it turned to sulphur ami I
> base < Ain't it grand, the ways that i
Nature has of taking care ■( them in-I
no--ent pcopl, up there- You see. I
; George, they' don't get a chance to see
many papers, so they cant read health!
I hints and beauty hints like we can.
i Nature has springs for them just like
' the one of which I w as just telling you
i of. What in the world are you grin
: ning about ? Anybody w ou'd think you
| w as as simple as the little fellow that
i showed us around up there ' t
I don t blame him for grinning." de
clared the Head Barber. "He was
f ringing you "
' You re dippy!" exclaimed the Mani
cure Lady "Imagine anybody from a
small town stringing a city girl.”
[advice to the lovelorn * * By Beatrice Fairfax |
BY NOT WANTING IT.
Pear Miss Fairfax:
I have known a man for three years,
with whom lam deeply In love. I used
to think he loved me. but lately I can
■ not understand his actions toward me.
I am acquainted with his sister, and
when I go to see her and he is there he
treats me very nicely and walks home
with me. I always ask him to call and
lie alyvays says. "Yes," but never comes.
Could vou tell me how to win his love?
BEATRICE O.
Don't go to see his sister, if by any
chance you see him. don't ask him to
call. If he asks to call, plead a prom
ised engagement and let him ask a sec
ond time. And don't, dear, feel badly if
he never comes back. You deserve a
man who loves without coaxing, and
this man is not that kind.
ASK FOR AN EXPLANATION.
Dear Miss Fairfax
I am ?4 and have been deeply in love
with a y oung lady four years older than
myself We have known each other
over three years. For two years and a
half we have been engaged. Eight'
months ago we did not write each other
is often as usual and she soon stopped
writing at all. I haw written the last
three letters, but have received no an
swer. HOPEFUL LYNX.
These half-encagements me never
desirable. If she does not write, and
shows no apprehension when you don't,
she no longer ca v es for you. Go to her
and ask for your relations to be estab
lished "n the old footing, or broken off. i
Either w ould be more just to you than |
I this dilly-dallying.
Stories About Words
It has been decided by Australian
i magist iat os that eggs are not "mis
sile .' Yet Sir James Murray defines
I a missile as anything ' capable of being
I thrown from the hand nr from a tna-
I chine or engine." Eggs ar.- capable of
i being thrown "Missies." like "villain."]
is a word originally pleasing and re-I
I speetable, ihai has changed for the I
] worse in the course of the centuries. •
| "Missilia" were the sweets and per
fumes thrown by the Roman emperors
| among the people, and a "missile" and |
a "mission" are only things sent.
i 'Ballot" and '.'suffrage" show how •
I language perpetuates the memory of!
i primitive emthods. A "ballot" should]
he a vote taken with balls—>ne of thr i
various ancient Greek instruments of!
secret voting. And the word "suf- |
frage," w hich by some is derived from I
I "suffrago," a knickle bone or ankle
bone in that case* recalls an early I
method of recording the vote.
In early times "blackguard" was by ‘
no means a. term of reproach, but fe- 1
ferred to the low ly but honorable priv- I
■lege of carrying coal in the king's i
household.
PERHAPS HE IS UNABLE TO
WRITE,
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am sixteen and lately made the
acquaintance of a man of about twenty.
Recently he went on a visit, and he
sent me cards while away, telling me
he would be home on a certain day.
He told me not to write until I heard
from him. Later I went to a ball and
saw his brother there, who told me my
friend was sick. Now, do you think he
cares for me, as I haven’t heard from
him? FRANCES J.
A man who is sick physically is never
love-sick at the same time, and no
doubt his illness has driven all thought
of you out of his mind. Don’t misjudge
him if you do not hear from him. If
SHOWERY WEATHER
FINE FOR GARDENING
You couldn't get much better gardening weather
than we now have if you had it made to order.
The warmth and moisture make seeds fairly jump out
of the ground.
In transplanting vegetable and flowering plants, you
couldn’t get a finer time. These showers pack the dirt
around the roots and the plants hardly know they have ■
been moved.
If you have one of those “cleaned up" back yards
make it both useful and beautiful this summer.
In our store you will find everything in the way of
seeds, plants, bulbs, and fertilizers that you can possibly
need. Always glad to see you in person, but if you can't
come, just phone us.
H. G. HASTINGS & CO.
16 W. Mitchell St.
Phones 2568
HIS TEMPER NOT THE BEST.
Dear Miss Fairfax:
I am seventeen and have made the
acquaintance of a man six months my
senior. We have been very intimate
until a short while ago. when I invited
him to my home and then had to post
pone the engagement. Since then he
has treated me very coolly. How can I
win his affection back again?
DISAPPOINTED.
If he grows angry and sulks on such
small provocation, can you persuade
yourself that a marriage to such a man
would result in happiness?
If he is angry, let him stay angry
until he gets over it. Don’t apologize,
don’t coax, don’t be humble.
Make him realize he is in the wrong,
and that you don’t like the way he acts.
fijMawg———a——i—Maw—■mtm xiwunmw ■
he recovers and never writes, make up
your mind to forget him. A girl of
sixteen has too many opportunities
ahead of her to mourn over one man.
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Anty Drudge on the Farm.
Mrs. Farmer—“l ’spose all you fine city folks are ’way
ahead of us who live in the country. ”
Anty Dredge— “Goodness, no. Mrs. Farmer. I see you
use Fels-Naptha; your hands are white and you have
plenty of time for reading and music. You can’t °-et
, ahead of the woman who uses Fels-Naptha, whether
; she lives in the country or city.”
Do women cling to delusions longer
than men? That’s an open question. In
(Tina, men do the washing and they have
been doing it in the same old way for
4,000 years.
In America more than a million
women have broken away from the old
fashioned traditions, and have adopted the
Fels-Naptha way of washing. That means
cold or lukewarm water —never hot—no
boiling, no hard rubbing, a saving of time,
temper, trouble, fuel, clothes and health. ’
Follow directions on the red and green
wrapper. ~
0
Getting On In
Life
NO. 4—WRITING ENGLISH.
By THOMAS TAPPER.
The popular custom of keeping a di
ary is a useful one even If the book
when filled is never to be printed. Its
usefulness consists in this; That the
habit of writing something every day,
even if it is not more than a report
about the weather, leads to exactness.
And if the writer has any pride, it will
lead not only to exactness, but to neat
ness. and certainly to regularity of ac
tion.
Practice writing is not foolish, par
ticularly if your aim is to improve your
use of English. Few people know how
hard It is for well known authors to
produce a page of "-citing that reads
easily. Charles Dickens went over every
sentence he wrote time and time again,
and his manuscript was full of erasures
and additions. Buffon. the French
naturalist, wrote one of his books fif
teen times, not by means of a typewrit
ing machine, but with his own hand.
Some authors have made it a custom to
carry a note book and jot down any
thought they care to consider again.
From the note book they found matter
for their writing.
The fact is, few great writers have
written easily. They have had to grasp
the thought whenever it came, to jot it
down in th» rough, and then to polish
and perfect it. afterward. They work
exactly as a man does who is carving a
figure from a piece of marble. He suc
ceeds because he keeps on chipping the
marble with his hands, and watching
th» mode] in his mind all the while.
You may never be obliged to do much'
writing, but if you want to be a clear
thinker, you ran at least do this; Write
out from memory what you remember
about a chapter you have been reading.
c>r. take a newspaper article you like,
read it two or three times, put it aside,
and then try to write it out in the
shortest form you can.
Benjamin Franklin, born in February,
1706. was a master hand at this kind of
writing. He tells us in his autobiogra
phy exactly how he did it:
I met with an odd volume of the
SPECTATOR it was the third. I had
never before seen any of them. I
bought it, read ft over and over, and
was much delighted with it. I thought
the "Titing excellent, and wished, if
possible, to imitate it. With this view I
took some of the papers, and, making
short hints of the sentiment in each
sentence, laid them bv a few days, and
then, without looking at the book, tried
to complete the papers again, by ex
pressing each hinted sentiment at
length, and as fully as it had been ex
pressed before, in any suitable words
that should come to hand. Then I com
pared my SPECTATOR with th° origi
nal. discovered some of my faults. And
corrected them But I found I wanted
a stock of words, or a readiness in rec
ollecting and using them, which I
thought T should have acquired before
that time if I had gone on’ marking
verses; since the continual occasion for
words of the same import, but of dif
ferent length, to suit the measure, or it
different sound for tne rhyme, would
have laid me under a constant necessity
of searching for variety, and also have
tended to fix that variety in my mind,
and make me master of it. Therefore.
T took some of the tales and turned
them into verse; and, after a time,
when I had pretty well forgotten the
prose, turned them back again. ’ I also
sometimes jumbled my collection of
hints into confusion, and after some
weeks endeavored to reduce them Into
the best order, before I began to form
the full sentences and complete the pa
per. This was’to teach me method in
Hie arrangement of thoughts.