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Fables of the Wise
Dame
By DOROTHY DIX.
ONCE upon a time there was a Man
who, by hustling early and late
and always being Johnny-on
the-Spot, sue, ceded in nouinhling a
stack of Pelf that was an Eye Opener
even to Wall Streel.
Except so" his Talent for Divorcing
others from their S.-curities, th' Man
was qnltf an ordinary Creature. who
Preferred Corned Reef and Cabbage to
French Entree. ind who desired no
other amusement than his Business af
forded. but his Wife was a Superior
Being with Social Aspirations.
Unfortunate'. Society did not seem
to miss th< aiix's Absence f om it. and
when she tried to break into the Four
Hundred it save her a welcome that
■was eo much on the Fritz that it con
gealed her Back Teeth.
Now. among this Worthy Couple's
Assets was a Daughter who had grown
up into a Peacherino, with a Willowy
Figure, and Peroxide Hair, and Soulful
Orbs, and when her Mother observed
this she returned thanks to Heaven for
«!1 her Mercies, for she had a Hunch
that through Daughter she could win
out, and Get to Know all the People
who Did Not Want to Know Her.
"This Frappe Society has gotten on
my Nerves,” she remarked to herself,
"but I opine that there is still another
Deal coming tv lilt, anil that 1 shall yet
have thesf Head Dim”.- on the Run
Happily my Husband has not sppnt his
Fife in Doing his Fellow Creatures In
Vain, and it is up to us to take a Eu
ropean Coronet out of Soap, and break
Into the Closed Doors with it.”
The Wise Dame's Scheme.
Thereupon she went to her Husband
and thus addressed him. "I feel,” she
said, "that it is our Sacred Duty to
give our Daughter all the Broadening
Influence of Foreign Travel and Eduea»
tlon and that I ought to make the Sac
rifice of buying my Paris Gowns in
France instead of on Sixth Avenue.
"Wherefore, I w ill take our Daughter
and go Abroad, and while I am Con
scientiously Opposed to Husband Hunt
ing, as a Rule, it may chance that I may
rur across a Coat-of-Anns that will be
just as good as New If Regilded. ’’
Knowing the Duty of an American
Husband and Father; the Man consent
ed, and so th' Lady took her Daughter
and hiked across the Herring Pond,
where the Girl acquired a Foreign Ac
cent, and was taught to be Ashamed of
Father because he was in Trade
Mothei trailed her Purse like an
Anise Seed Rag all across Europe, and
It was not long before a Pack of Hun
gry Fortune Hunters was on her Trail,
but she was Wise to the Game and led
them a Chase, while she looked for the
Right One who would he worth the
Price. She did not Propose to Invest
her good Dollars in a Macaroni Title, or
a Shoddy Thing Made in Germany, and
that had not been O. K.'d by the Al
manach de Gotha.
At last the Real Thing appeared on
the Scene He was Guaranteed as n
Genuine Antique in the Aristocracy
Line, for the Newest Thing on his An
cestral Estate was the Fifth Mortgage
The cool Calmness w ith w hich he ran
up Bills that he never intended to Pay
was as Good as an AffWavit of Nobil
ity, while his Blase Air in standing off
Creditors betravod how long his Fam
ily had been Familiar with the Busi
ness He also possessed a Hyphenated
Name that was so long that it had to be
Handled on a Hook and Ladder Truck,
and onlv used in Sections.
Charmed By Real Thing.
The Mother w as enchanted. "I opine,"
she said to her Daughter, "that a Nani"
like that will be a Jimmy with which
you can break into anv American So
ciety, and that as a Parlor Ofnament
the Count will be a Bargain at Four
Figures "
"But.” objected the Daughter. "I do
not care for him. He has weak Eye-,
and a Lisp. and he makes me Tired,
and I should like to have a Regular
Man for a Husband.”
“Foolish One.” cried the Mother, "any
Husband is liable to make you Weary,
but if you marry the Count you will
always have the Consolation of, being
able to Contemplate your Visiting
Cards and the Crest on your Station
ery with pleasure."
So the Girl was Married to the Count
in great Splendor, and all the Exclusive
set that had turned Mother down so
hard almost Broke their Necks trying
to get Invitations to the Weddings.
The Girl.had not been Married long,
however, before "he went to her Mother
and put up a Moan that she was not
Happy
T'nreasonable child." said h*r Moth
er with anger, "what do you expect? Is
It not enough to know that you are
envied by al' of your old Xmeri-an
Friends because you Possess a Title?
No one who Marti. < for Dove is En
vied. and I advise you to take your
Medicine and try to long as if you en
joyed it. and that being a Countess was
a Picnic
So the Countess went away and Cul
tivated . Stage Smile that was only
Skit Deep, but when the other Rich
Ameri'ins "' m Abroad she Snubbed
them, and they respected her Greatly,
and when they returned they Bragged
about how thev used to know he- when
she was a G
MORAL This Labi, teaches that we
never know who has Really got a
Cinch in Life. an.l that we often Envy
the wrong One.
WE GIVE PERPETUAL CONTRACTS
ON DIAMONDS
In view of the fact that a great many of our customers,
after they have bought a diamond, decide that they wish a
larger one. we have arranged for them to return it at any
time in the future and get an allowance of the full purchase
price for it toward a larger one. By this plan it is possible
for one to eventually own as large a stone as they might wish,
and at the same time their payments be reduced to a mini
mum. As an example, on a $60.00 stone we would only re
quire $15.00 cash, and allow the purchaser to extend the re
maining $45.00 over a period of months best suited. After
tlii- <tiinr is paid for. which you have had the pleasure of
wearing in the meantime, we will allow you the full price of
$60.00 for it toward a larger one. and so on. making ex
changes as you so desire.
If it is not possible for you to visit our store, let us send
you a selection package from which you can choose as satis
factorily as if you had visited our establishment.
SUGEWE VfIAYMES(S)
OrjEWEXE-E* ~_^' T u ' H T tHALL AT
- ■>— — ~—— —— -
Just Because I Growled a Lillie *£ copanaht, wa x-e- Ry Xell Brinkley 7
j (WITH APOLOGIES TO "HE DOG THAT "GROWLED A LITTLE.”)
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V !>' JAIXi y!*■ (
-vAHu’ ‘SA-'’ 2, ,
' 5
That's the way with a girl—she always 'spects love-affairs to run smooth as an auto speedway—always 'spects Love to smile and never frown—-
and when he Just once gets a spell, and growls a little at her, she goes and puts him "in the cooler,,, Haven’t you heard ’em
say, “I won't ever love any man again."— NELL BRINKLEY.
II 111 1 NO. 6.—SWEET NOTHINGS AND SENTIMENTAL WORDS T) \/‘ f ‘ T 1 \ 7 FA \Y7 .
Hunting a Husband ? et the widows heart a fluttering. oy Virginia 1. Van De Water
\ A '*’ f ' quartet reac’.ed the
V/V street a gentle rain had b'gun
to fall. Beatrice uttered a low
exclamation of consternation, remem
bering her dainty tbilet, then becked
herself. It would not do for h to be
have as if she were afraid of spoiling
her costume, new this spring, for that
might suggest to her admirer the idea
that she did not have many other such
gowns. Every woman likes a possible
suitor to thing that even in the privacy
of her own home, and during her work
ing hours, she is well dressed and ap
pears as faultless in attire as when she
is with him in public But Robert May
nard had not been a married man for
seven years before he became a Wid
ower without learning a woman’s
thoughts and fears about her clothes,
and he was quick to suggest a taxicab.
"The ladies' gowns will be ’uinetl.”
he said to George Minor.
"George, with his loving wife upon
his arm, was less considerate than the
widower.
’’Nonsense' Helen and 1 have been
out in all kinds of weathers, and it
has not hurt her yet! Moreover, we
can take a crosstofvn car right here,
transfer to an uptown car, and go with
in three doors ’of our house. If is not
raining hard’ anyway.”
"Nevertheless.” declared Robert ob
stinately. "1 am going to take a cab
and will see the ladies safely home."
Furthers Her Scheme.
But at this Helen came out boldly
In what seemed to be assent to her hus
band’s verdict, but was really a fur
therance of her own match-making
schemes.
”1 wish you WOULD take a taxi. Mr
Maynard!" she exclaimed. "Beatrice’s
light dress will spot dreadfully with
the rain. This dark one of mine won't
be hurt, and, as George has said, we
can go home, in the ear without any t
exposure, but Beatrice lives oft the \
car line.” ,
Here Beatrice entered a gentle pro- r
test j
"Indeed, it will not hurt me to go ;
in the car. too." she began, but Rob- ;
ert checked her. t
"There is no use in argument.” he ■■
said, gently but firmly, "for 1 am going ;
to take you home in a taxi, since" — j
with a bow to Helen ■ “our hostess j
grants tne her permission to do so.”
“You are doing me a favor in look ;
ing after our dear girl - " urged Helen. ,
'Call up your tab at once, and you two (
young people get off before it rains <
any harder. We old ones are going to ,
trot right off now for our car.”
"We have had a lovely evening.'
said Beatrice, kissing her friend, “and ;
1 thank you for it!"
"So do I," began Robert, but as the
rosstow n car appeared at this junc- |
ture, George hurried bls wife away and :
on board of it. calling back an apology
for their hasty departure.
Drive Through Park.
Robert summoned the cab, piacing
Beatrice in it, and seated himself by
her. aftV giving the driver the address
of her home and telling him to drive
uptown through Central Park.
"You don't mind, do you?” he asked
of the woman beside him. "It is much
quieter in the park than In the street,
although the route is longer. But there
is really no great hurry, is there?”
Beatrice reflected how good it was to
be in a position w here one did not care
how fast the indicator hand went
around, nor how many dollars It ticked
off When she hired a taxi for herself
she wondered if she would not get eye
strain before her destination was reach
ed from staring fearfully ahead of het
at that "moving finger' that never
paused
"1 am tn no hurry." she said, leaning
back comfortably, “although 1 do feel
like a naughty child staying out as
late as this. Fortunately my dear little
boy and girl are fast asleep and would
not know w hether 1 got home at ten or
at two."
Talk of Children.
"Tell me about them," said Robert.
"How old are they?"
Beatrice was glad to talk cf the chil.
men and to give him the desired par-
After the Bath *
f Air-Float Talcum Powder —bora- ' 4
, ted, perfumed—guaranteed pure, y
TALCUM PUFF COMPANY /
>' Hiners and Man«Uacturer». Bash Terminal Bldg., ‘
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK
TalcumPoAet
ticulars about them, saying that Jean
was five and Jack seven, and going into
many details of their bright and win
ning ways as is the manner of devoted
mothers. It is doubtful if her listener
appreciated much what she told him.
although he laughed appreciatively at
the right times. He was wat- aing her
animated face in the dim light, and
finding hers a very charming personal
ity. At last she became conscious of
his gaze and checked her tajk abruptly.
"1 must bore you!” she exclaimed
apologetically. "I never thought how
much I was talking about two little
people whom you have never seen and
of whom you have never heard until
tonight."
'lndeed you do not bore me!" pro
tested Maynard, "tin the contrary, 1
am interested in children, although
(with a regretful note in his voice)
I have none of my own. If I had, I
would not be as lonely as I am now,
and my home would hold more charm
for me."
A Jealous Pang.
Beatrice had an involuntary thought
of self-congratulation that he had no
children. Even now she was conscious
of a pang of jelousy toward the woman
whom he had once loved, and she knew
that she would not be happy if . she
Do You Know---
Anaemia can be successfully treated
by fruit diet, especially with bananas.
Coal to the amount of 750 tons has
been transferred from lighters to a
man-of-war in one hour and a half.
At the Case Veron. Paris, a type
writing speed competition took place
The French record was beaten by M
Legrij. a typist of the Compagnie des
Messagelies Fluviales. who did 201
wotds in a minute. The Ameriear
champion, Mr Wiese, who was present
at the competition, although he did no
official!' take part in it, did 230 word;
in a minute on the same machine.
Mr. J. A. Lander, a wealthy man. ot
Yoakum. Texas, hit on a novel methoc
of distributing his fortune among his
eight children. He arranged a lottery
with numbered tickets. The numbers
corresponded with the number of some
part of his estate. The children drew
in turn the tickets from a hat. As
there were* no blanks, every drawing
represented a w in of some sort.
Several towns in Norway and Swe
den have recently 'taken steps tow an
tin general introduction of electrii
heating, to ret’ ace the use of stove:
burning onl or wood. Few building:
In these places have central heating
systems and the tilt stoves now g< n
erallv used could easily be adapted t<
receive electric heaters. The eleetrit
current '-' ill be supplied by the publb
p ints, which are gen-rally run by wa
ter power.
i km w that he had living children, who
> demanded his time and his affections.
But she spoke sympathetically, chiding
I herself inwardly for her narrow and
r petty - thoughts.
"You must be lonely indeed. But for
t my boy and girl I would often find life
r too dreary to bear. But they make it
1 worth living."
Then she asked him if he w ould mind
f telling her about himself, his work and
. his interest. He, like all men and most
1 women, liked to talk of himself and his
r affairs, and before long he was speak
e ing of his dead wife, feeling perhaps
1 that in conversing of her to another
1 woman he ,was making some sort of
amends for having forgotten her for
. most of the evening. Beatrice let him
1 talk on: in fact, she forced he.rself to
encourage him to do so. When at last
j he stopped as they neared her door, she
j thanked him for his confidence.
"You see. we have both suffered." she
n reminded him; “so we can sympathize
with each other."
"Sweet Sympathy.”
t As he helped her from the cab he
o pressed her hand warmly.
? "Tlwnk you for your sweet sympa
thy." he murmured. “You would not
v believe me if 1 tried to tell you how
e much'll has helped me."
He went with her to the door of her
- apartment, but she, mindful of the
proprieties, hade him good-night there.
"It has> been an almost perfect even
ing." she said, "and I thank you for all
you have done to make it so."
d. "And I thank you for making it en
tirely perfect, for YOU have made it
that to me—you and you only.”
( (Poor Helen and her theater tickets
at $2 each! But. after all, she might
have thought the game worth the can
>- die hr.u she known of this conversa-
e. tion.)
I. "May I call soon and see you and get
•s acquainted with the kiddies?" Maynard
13 asked as he held ’Beatrice’s hand for a
n moment longer than was actually nec
it essary.
H "Certainly-—but please let me know
l ? beforehand when you are coming, that
I may be sure to be at home." she sug
gested. And. with a bright nod and
>f smile, she went into her apartment,
, c j closing the door softly, that the "kid
dies" might not be awakened.
y Her Big Fairy.
• g When she got into bed littld Jean.
ie lying beside her. stretched sleepily and
, v threw one arm about her mother's neck.
s "I was finking about you in my
| dweams, muvver,” muttered the little
® i girl. "And I saw a nice big fairy
| hw inging you home."
"One did!" whispered Beatrice, klss
| ing the child. But Jean was too sleepy
1 to ask for an explanation.
CASTOR IA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
c& Furniture Wives c&
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
{( tl /f EN marry for fortune and
|y/| sometimes to please their
fancy, but, much oftener
than is suspected, they consider what
the world will say of it; how such a
woman in their friends’ eyes will look
at the head of the table. Hence we see
so many insipid beauties made wives
who could not have struck the particu
lar fancy of any man that had any fan
cy at all; as many buy furniture and
pictures because they suit this or that
niche in their dining rooms. These I
call FURNITURES WIVES."
—Charles Lamb.
"I am 25 and deeply in love with a
girl two years tny junior. As she is
rather stout (about 175 pounds), and I
am thin, my friends ridicule the match.
I have tried to forget her and break
off the engagement, because of this rid
icule, but I can not do so. my affection
being returned. What shall I do?”
It seems that Charles Lamb's words
are as true in this generation as in his.
This man loves a woman, but because
of the criticisms of his friends would
give her up in exchange for a "furniture
wife.”
Having conceded to his friends the
right to name her weight, he should
concede more, and let them select her
complexion, her height and the color of
her hair. All these little questions could
be settled by a council of his friends,
all who come under that category be
ing willing to shoulder such respon
sibilities
A "furniture wife" would simplify
courtship, and relieve it of many of its
uncertainties and pangs and ■ expendi
tures of time and money.
It w ould also relieve the man of much
of its joys. And that word "relieve"
is used advisedly when in connection
with the sort of man who would be
contented with a "furniture wife."
But if you. my dear man. are not that
kind, you need not let the difference in
weight worry you. The difference is
easily adjusted.
There is a course of physical train
ing which, if followed faithfully, will
reduce the girl’s weight. There is also
a course, entirely dissimilar, which, if
followed by you faithfully, will increase
your weight.
Make an Exchange.
Every pound she drops you will pick
up. and in this way you may hope to
attain the desired proportion. If she
perseveres, she will become sylphlike.
/j
ift i ■
anty VI IHlIwWr L W UK
DRUDGE T vY
PSta 2« I"
eIL I
Anty Drudge Gives a Lesson in Spelling
Little Afary—“F-E-I^S—N-A-P-T-H-A. What does
that spell, Anty?”
Anty Drudge— “To you, Dearie, it spells just
Fels-Naptha, the name of a soap. To your mother
and me it spells an easy way of washing clothes in j I
cool or lukewarm water, without boiling or hard I (
rubbing and with a saving of time, labor, bother, fl
discomfort and money. You'll learn, some day,
my child, that it’s a very important word to the'
housekeeper.”
' —r-
The biggest woman's club in America I
is the Anti-Drudgery Club. 1
It has more than a million members J
now. I
All that’s necessary to belong is to ■
use Fels-Naptha soap and quit drudging .. J
on washday. JjflP
You'll have no more boiling ot
clothes, no bending over steamy suds, no
back-breaking rubbing on a washboard in f
winter or summer. ?
You will be through with your wash
ing before you would be well started on
the old way.
And your ciothes will be fresher,
cleaner, whiter and sweeter.
Fels-Naotha does it.
The rules of the club are to be found A
in the directions for using Fels-Naptha
on the back of the red and green wrapper. <
Follow them carefully and you'll save ‘
money as well as hard work and bother.
Get a cake of Fels-Naptha and join
the club to-day. j
jgNK ' |KI
and. if you persevere, you will add
every pound you need to give the right
symmetry to-one of your height.
No girl would object to taking such a
course, which, in addition to improving
her looks, would be of inestimable ben
efit to her health. Undoubtedly in that
controlling passion where all women
have to please the men they love this
poor girl has bemoaned her excessive
weight many times.
But this is also true: I doubt If It
has occurred to her that her lover is a
pound too light!
When women love, they love beyond
criticism. Had her friends laughed at
her for loving a man so thin, her love
would have leaped up in an angry flame.
The maternal instinct, which is the
controlling motive in every woman’s
love, would have prompted her to
spring to his defense, and she would
have contended with all the might of
offended love that his weight was right
to an ounce; she would not have it
changed a fraction of a pound, and
would affirm that, in comparison with
him. all other men are gross and beefy.
No "Furniture Husbands.” -.«■
That is the difference between the
love of a man and the love of a woman.
Had Charles Lamb investigated further
he might have added that there are no
such creatures as "furniture husbands."
No woman ever selected a husband
because he would look well at the head
of a table, or match the paper on her
parlor wall.
This girl who weighs too much will
feel hurt if you suggest her weight
doesn’t suit you. Don’t do it!
Leave the matter of her weight out
of the question of your own. You have
no right to complain she is an ounce
too heavy as long as you are an ounce
too light'! Take a course in physical
culture, and stick to it faithfully. When
you have reached the desired figure on
the scales, tell her so.
Love is quick to take a suggestion,
and I do not doubt for a moment that
she will be quick to respond. She will
tell you. without any further Intima
tion from you. that if physical culture
does so much for you, it will do as
much for her.
And she will take it as a means of
losing what you are trying to gain.
But. whatever you do. I beg of you
that you show yourself to be so much
of a man your friends will not dare to
select you a "furniture wife " The hus
band of a "furniture wife" misses life's
greatest joy, and gets just what he
deserves.