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THE GEORGIAN’S MAGAZINE' PAGE
Fables of the Wise
Dame
By DOROTHY DIX.
ONCE upon a time there was a Man
who. by hustling early and late
'and always being Johnny-on
thf-Spot, succeeded in accumlating a
stack of Pelf that was an Eye Opener
even .to. Wall Street.
Exoept for his Talent for Divorcing
others from their Securities, the Man
was quite an ordinary Creature, who
Preferred Corned Beef and Cabbage to
riencn Entree, and Who desired no
other amusement than his Business af
forded. but his Wife was a Superior
Being with Social Aspirations.
Unfortunately. Society did not seem
to miss the lady’s Absence from it, and
when she tried to break into the Four
Hundred it gave her a welcome that
was so .much on the Fritz that it con
gealed her Back Teeth.
Now. among this Worthy Couple’s
Assets was a Daughter who had grown
up into a Peacherino, with a Willowy
(/Figure. and Peroxide Hair, and Soulful
Orbs, and when her Mother observed
this she returned thanks to Heaven for
afj her Mercies, for she had a Hunch
that through Daughter she could win
out, and Get to Know all the People
ho Did Not Want to Know Her.
“This Frappe Society has gotten on
my Nerves," she remarked to herself,
“but I opine that there is still another
t>eaJ_caxning. to .me. and-that J.ahaJ.l yet
have these Head Liners on the Run.
Happily my Husband has not spent his
Life in Doing hi? .Fellow Creatures in
Vain, and it is up to us to take a Eu
ropean Coronet out of Soap, and break
into the Closed Doors with it.”
The Wise Dame's Scheme.
Thereupon she went to her Husband
and thus addressed him: “I’feel,'' she
said, "that it is our Sacred Duty -to
give our Daughter all the Broadening
Influence of Foreign Travel and Educa
tion. and that I ought to make the Sac
rifice of buying my Paris Gowns in
France instead of on Sixth Avenue.
“Wherefore, I will take our Daughter
and go Abroad, and while I am Con
scientiously Opposed to Husband Hunt
ing. as a Rule, it may chance that I may
•un across a Coat-of-Arms that will be
lust as good as New' if Regilded."
Knowing the' Duty .of an American
Husband and Father, the Man consent
’d, and so--the Lady .took her Daughter
and hiknid across the Herring Pond,
where th<f» Girt acquired a Foreign Ac
cent, and 'was taught to-be. Ashamed of
Father bitcstiise he was in Trade.
Mother trailed her Purse like an
Anise Seed Bag ftfj across Europe, and
it was not long before a Pack of Hun
gry Fortune Hunters was on her Trail,
but she was Wise to the Game and led
them a Chase, while she looked for the
Right One -who would be worth the
Price. She did not Propose to Invest
her good Dollars in a Macaroni Title, or
a Shoddy Thing Made in Germany, and
that had not been O. K.’d by the Al
manach de-Gotha.
At last the Real Thing appeared on
tije Scene. He was Guaranteed as a
•genuine Antique in the Aristocracy
Line, for'Hhe Newest Thing bfi Ms’ An-
Estate was the Fifth Mortgage.
, The cool Calmness with which he ran
<ip Bills that he never intended to Pay
(was as Good as an Affidavit of Nobil
ity, whila his Blase Air in standing off
m'red itor- bet re ved how long his Fam
-’ lly had been Familiar with the Busi
ness He also possessed a Hyphenated
Name that was so long that it had to be
Handled on a~Hohk and Ladder Truck,
and oniv used in Sections.
Charmed By Real Thing.
The MbTKeFwa's enchanted. "I opine,”
she said to her Daughter, “that a Name
like that 'wTO" be a Jimmy with which
you can break--into- any American So
ciety, and'that as a Parlor Ornament
the Count nvili be a Bargain at Four
Figu res.”
“But,” objected -the-Daughter. “I do
not care for him. He has weak Eyes,
and a Lisp, ..and he .makes me Tired,
and I should like to have a Regular
Man for a Husband.”
“Foolish One." cried the Mother, "any
Husband is liable to make you Wea v y,
but. if you marry the Count you will
always have the Consolation of being
able to Contemplate your Visiting
Cards and the Crest on your Station
ery with pleasure.”
So the Gt H was Married tojhe Count
In great Splendor, and all the Exclusive
set that had turned Mother down So
hard almost Broke their Necks trying
to get Invitations to the Weddings.
The Girl had not been Married long,
however..before she went to her Mother
and put up a Moan that she was not
Happy.
“Unreasonable <?hild,” said her Moth
er with anger, "what do yqu expect? Is
it not enough to know that you are
envied by ‘all of your old American
Friends because you Possess a Title?
No one who Marries for Love is En
vied. and I advise you to take your
Medicine and try to look as if you en
joyed it. and that being a.Countess was
a Picnic.” . :
So the Countess went away and Cul
tivated a Stage Smile that was only
Skin Deep, but when the other Rich
Awnertcans went Abroad she Snubbed
fttem, and they respected her Greatly,
and—when they returned they Bragged
,i ■ Q -h An f how they used to know her when
she was a Girl.
MORAL: This Fable teaches that we
never know who has Really got a
Cinch in .Life, and that we often Envy
\he wrong One.
WE GIVE PERPETUAL CONTRACTS
ON DIAMONDS
In view of the fact that a great many of our customers,
after they have bought a diamond, decide that they wish a
larger one. we have arranged for them to return it at ant
time in the future and get an allowance of the full purchase
price for it toward a larger oile. By this plan it is possible
for one to eventually own as large a stone as they might wish,
and at the same time their payments be reduced to a mini
mum. As an example, on a $60.00 stone we would only re
quire $15.00 cash, and ajlow the purchaser to extend the re
maining $45.00 over a period of months best suited. After
this stone is paid for. which you have had the pleasure of
wearing in the meantime, we will allow you the full price of
$60.00 for it toward a larger one, and so on, making ex
changes as you so desire.
If it is not possible for you to visit our store, let us send
you a selection package from which you can choose as satis
factorily as if you had visited our establishment.
(FjJGENEVfIAYXESgo)
Must Because I Growled a Little By Nell Brinkley!
; (WITH APOLOGIES TO THE DOG THAT "GROWLED A LITTLE.’’) ...... . . . ?
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That’s the way with a girl—she always 'spects love-affairs to run smooth as an auto speedway—always 'specta Love to smjle and never frown—
and when he just once gets a spell, and growls a little at her, she goes and puts him "In the cooler.,, Haven’t you heard 'em
say, “I won't ever love any man again,’’— NELL BRINKLEY.
I I U L J NO. 6.—SWEET NOTHINGS AND SENTIMENTAL WORDS D \l‘ * ’ T \ J r~A \Y, 7
Hunting a Husband set the widows heart a fluttering. tsy Virginia 1. Van He Water
TV THEN the quartet reached the
X/V street a gentle rain had begun
to fall. Beatrice uttered a low’
exclamation of consternation, remem
bering her dainty toilet, then checked
herself. It would not do for her to be
have as if she were afraid of spoiling
her costume, new this spring, for that
might suggest to her admirer the idea
that she did not have many other such
gowns. Every woman likes a possible
suitor to thing that even in the privacy
of her own home, and during her work
ing hours, she Is well dressed and ap
pears as faultless in attire as when she
is with him in public. But Robert May
nard had not been a married man for
seven years before he became a wid
ower without learning a woman's
thoughts and fears about her clothes,
and he was quick to suggest a taxicab.
"The ladies’ gowns will be ruined,”
he said-to George Minor.
"George, with his loving wife upon
his arm. was less considerate than the
widower.
"Nonsense! Helen and 1 have been
out in all kinds of weathers, and it
has riot hurt her yet! Moreover, we
can-take a crosstown car right here,
transfer to an uptowm car, and go with
in three doors of our house. It is not
raining hard, anyw'ay."
“Nevertheless.” declared Robert ob
stinately, “I am going to take a cab
and w’ill see the ladies safely home.”
Furthers Her Scheme.
But at this Helen came out boldly
in what Seemed to be assent to her hus
band’s verdict, but was really a fur
therance of her own match-making
schemes.
“I wish you WOULD take a taxi, Mr.
Maynard!" she exclaimed. “Beatrice’s
light dress will spot dreadfully with
the rain. This dark one of mine won’t
be hurt, and, as George has said, we
can go home in' the car without any
exposure but Beatrice lives off tire
ear line.”
Here Beatrice entered a gentle pro
test.
"Indeed, it Will not hurt me to go
in the car. too,” she began, but Rob
ert checked her. ' ■
-.’There is_.no..use...in argument,” he
sai<3. gently bqt firmly. “fqr-I am going
to take yb'u home in a taxi, since” —
with a bow to Helen —"our hostess
grants me her permission to do. so."
"You are doing me a favor In look
ing after our deal girlt" urged Helen.
“Call up your cab at once, and you two
young people get off before it rains
any harder. We old ones are going to
trot right off now for our car."
"We have had a lovely evening."
said Beatrice, kissing her friend, "and
I thank you for it!”
"So do I,” began Robert, but as the
crosstown car appeared at thi^- junc
ture, George hurried his w ife gw ay and
on boatd of it; calling back an. apology
for their hasty departure.
Drive Through Park.
Robert summoned rhe cab, placing
Beatrice in : it, and seated himself by
her. afttr giving the driver the address
of her home and telling him to drive
uptown through Central Park.
"You don't mind, do you?” he asked
of the woman Reside him. “It is much
quieter in the park than in the street,
although the route is longer. But .there
is really nd great-hurry, is there?" .
Beatrice reflected how good if.wajs to
be in a position where one did not care
how fast the indicator hand went
around, nor how many dollars it ticked
off. When she hired a taxi for herself
she wondered if she would not get eye
strain before her destination was reach
ed from staring fearfully ahead of her
at that "moving finger”' that never
paused.
"I am in no hurry,” ffie said, leaning
back comfortably, “although I do feel
like a naughty child staying out as
late as this. Fortunately my dear little
boy and girl are fast asleep and would
not know whether 1 got home at ten or
at two.”
Talk oj Children.
"Tell me about then),", said Robert.
"How old are they?"
. Beatrice was glad to talk of the chil
dren and to give hint the desired par-
'After theßath>
f'' Air-Float Talcum Powder—bora-
> ted, perfumed—guaranteed pure,
$1 TALCUM PUFF COMPANY /
U' Mlnert and Jlarnfteturer*, Bath Terminal Rldg., *
f BROOKLYN. NfW YORK
*TalcumPom/er
ticulars about them, saying that Jean
was five and Jack seven, and going into
many details of their bright and win
ning ways as is the manner of devoted
mothers. It is doubtful if her listener
appreciated much what she told him,
although he laughed appreciatively at
the right times. He was watching her
animated face in the . dim-light., and.
finding hers a very charming personal
ity. At last she became conscious of
his gaze and checked her talk abruptly.
"I must bore you!" she exclaimed
apologetically. "I never thought how
much I was talking about two little
people whom you have never seen and
of whom you have never heard until
tonight."
"Indeed you do not bore me!” pro
tested Maynard. "On the contrary, I
am interested in children, although
(with a regretful note in his voice)
.1 have none of my own. If I had, I
would not be as lonely..as I am now,
and my home would hold more'charm
for me.” ' . .
A Jealous Pang.
Beatrice had an involuntary .thought
of self-congratulation that he had no
children. Even now she was.cor\seio)is
of a pang of jelousy toward the woman
whom he had once loved, and she knew
that she would not be happy if she
Do You Know—-
Ana-emi-i can be successfully treated
by fruit diet, especially with bananas.
Coal to the amount of 750 tons has
been transferred from lighters to a
man-of-war in one hour and a half.
•At the Case Veron, Paris, a type
writing speed competition took place.
The French record was beaten by M.
I.egris, a typist of the Compagnie des
Messageries Fluviales. who did 203
words in a minute. The American
champion. Mr. Wiese, who was present
at the competition, although he did not
officially take part in it, did 230 words
in a minute on the same machine.
Mr J. A. I.ander, a .wealthy mrfn. o,‘
Yoakum. Texas, hit on a novel method
of distributing his fortune among his
eight children. He arranged a lottery
with numbered tickets. The numtiers
corresponded with the number of some
part of his estate. The children drew
in turn the tickets from a hat. As
there were no blanks, every drawing
represented a win of some sort.
Several towns in Norway and Swe
den have recently taken steps toward
the general introduction of electric
heating, to replace the use of stoves
burning coal or wood. Few building
in these places have central heating
systems and the tile stov> . now gen
erally used could easily be adapted to
receive electric heaters The electric
. urrent 111! be supplied by the pub!i<
plants, whn h are generally run by wa
ter power.
knew that he had living children, who
demanded his time and his affections
But she spoke sympathetically, chiding
herself inwardly for her narrow and
petty’ thoughts.
"You must be lonely indeed . But for
my boy and girl I would often find lite
too" dreafy to bear. But they make it
.worfh:divdng.T. ... . .. .
.. Then she asked him if he would mind
telling her about himself, his work and
his interest,. He, like all men and most
women, liked to talk of himself and his
affairs, and before long he was speak
ing of his dead wife, feeling perhaps
that in conversing of her to another
woman he was making some sort of
amends for having forgotten her for
most of the evening. Beatrice let him
talk on; in fact, she forced herself to
encourage aim to do so. When at last
he stopped as they neared her door, she
thanked him for his confidence.
"You see. we have both suffered," she
reminded’ him; "so we can sympathize
with each other."
"Sweet Sympathy.”
As he helped her from the cab he
pressed her hand warmly.
"Thank you for-your sweet sympa
thy*.” he murmured. "You would not
believe me if 1 tried to tell you how
much it has. helped me."
Me went with her to the door of her
apartment, but she, mindful of the
proprieties, bade him good-night there.
It has. been an almost perfect evert*
Ing," stteySdid, "and I thank you for all
Voir have done to make-at-
"And I thank you for making it en
tirely perfect, for YOU have made it
that to me -you and you only.”
(Poor Helen and her theater tickets
at $2 each! But, after all, she might
have thought the game worth the can
dle had she known of this conversa
tion.)
"May I call soon and see you and get
acquainted with the kiddies?" Maynard
asked as he held Beatrice's hand for a
moment longer than was actually nec
essary.
■certainly hut please let me know
beforehand when you are coming, tnat
I may be sure to be at home," she sug
gested. And. with a bright nod and
smile, she went into her apartment,
dosing the door softly, that the kid
dies” might not be awakened.
Her Big Fairy.
• When she got into bed little Jean,
lying beside her. stretched sleepily and
threw one arm about her mother s neck.
"I was finking about you in my
dweams. muvver," muttered the little
girl. And I saw a nice big fairy
bwinging you home."
"one did’" whispered Beatrice, kiss
ing the child. But Jean Was too sleepy
to ask for an explanation.
CASTOR IA
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have Always Bought
tS) Furniture Wives
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX.
4Ta <EN marry for fortune and
I y/| sometimes to please their
faney, but, much oftener
than is suspected, they consider what
the world will say of It; how such a
woman in their friends’ eyes will look
at the head of the table. Hence we see
so many insipid beauties made wives
who could not have struck the particu.
lar fancy of any man that had any fan
cy at all; as many bu.u furniture and
pictures because they suit this or that
niche in their dining rooms. These I
call FURNITURES WIVES."
—Charles Lamb.
“I am 25 and deeply in love with a
glr] two years my junior. As she is
rather stout (about 175 pounds), and I
am thin, my friends ridicule the match.
I have tried to forget her and break
off the engagement, because of this rid
icule, but I can not do so, my affection
being returned. What shall I do?"
It seems that Charles Lamb’s words
are as true in this generation as in his.
This man loves a woman, but because
of the criticisms of his friends would
give her up in exchange for a "furniture
wife."
Having conceded to his friends the
right to name her weight, he should
concede more, and let them select her
complexion, her height and the color of
her hair. All these little questions could
be settled by a council of his friends,
all who come under that category be
ing willing to shoulder such respon
sibilities.
A "furniture wife” would simplify
courtship, and relieve it of many of its
uncertainties and pangs and expendi
tures of time and money.
Il would also relieve the man of much
of Its joys. And that word ' relieve"
is used advisedly when in connection
with the sort of man who would be
contented with a "furniture wife."
But if you, my dear man, are not that
kind, you need not let the difference in
weight worry you. The difference Is
easily adjusted.
There is a coqrse of physical train
ing which, if followed faithfully, will
reduce the girl's weight. There is also
a course, entirely dissimilar, which, if
followed by you faithfully, will Increase
your weight.
Make an F.xchanqe.
Every pound she drops you will pick
up. and in this waj you may hope to
attain the desired proportion. If she
perseveres, she Will become sylphlike.
Zj
ANTY V JryWflw L ISk
C/yy DRUDGE 1 /I ’ •
Anty Drudge Gives a Lesson in Spelling
Little Afnry—“F-E-L-S—N-A-P-T-H-A. What does
that spell, Anty?”
Anty Drudge— “To you, Dearie, it spells just
Fels-Naptha, the name of a soap. To your mother
and me it spells an easy way of washing clothes in
cool or lukewarm water, without boiling or hard
rubbing and with a saving of time, labor, bother,
discomfort and money. You’ll learn, some day,
my child, that it’s a very important word to the
housekeeper.”
The biggest wjtffnan’s chib in America
is the Anti-Drudgery Club.
It has more than a million members
now.
All that’s necessary to belong is to
use Fels-Naptha soap and quit drudging
on washday.
You’ll have no more boiling ot
clothes, no bending over steamy suds, no
back-breaking rubbing on a washboard in
winter or summer.
You will be through with your wash
ing before you would be well started on
the old way.
And your clothes will be fresher,
cleaner, whiter and sweeter.
Fels-Naptha does it.
The rules of the club are to be found
in the directions for using Fels-Naptha
on the back of the red and green wrapper.
Follow’them carefully and you’ll save
money as well as hard work and bother.
Get a cake of Fels-Naptha and join
the club to-day.
and, if you persevere, you will odd
every pound you need to give the right
symmetry’ to one of your height.
No girl would object to taking such a
course, which, in addition to improving
her looks, would be of inestimable ben
efit to her health. Undoubtedly in that
controlling passion where all women
have to please the men they love this
poor girl has bemoaned her excessive
weight many times.
But this is also true. I doubt if it
has occurred to her that her lover Is a
pound too light!
When women love, they love beyond
criticism. Had her friends laughed at
her for loving a man so thin, her love
would have leaped up in an angry
The maternal instinct, which is the
controlling motive in every woman's
love, would have prompted her to
spring to his defense, and she would
have contended with all the might of
offended love that his weight was right
to an ounce; she would not have it
changed a fraction of a pound, and
would affirm that, in comparison with
him. all other men are gross and beefy.
No “Furniture Husbands.”
That is the difference between the
love of a man and the love of a woman.
Had Charles Lamb investigated further
he might have added that there are no
such creatures as “furniture husbands."
No woman ever selected a husband
because he would look well at the head
of a.table, or match the paper on her
parlor wall.
This -girl who weighs too much will
feel ‘Hurt if you suggest her weight
doesh't suit you. Don't do it!
Leave the matter of her weight out
of the question of your own. You have
no lighx to complain she is an ounce
i too heavy as long as you are an ounce
. too light! Take a course in physical
culture, and st i k to it faithfully. When
, you have reached the desired figure on
the scales, tell her so.
1 Love is quick to take a suggestion,
and I do not doubt for a moment that
she will be quick to respond She will
tell you. without any further Intima-
i tion from you, that if physical culture
, does so much for you, it will do as
, much for her.
And she will take it as a means of
losing what you are trying to gain.
But, whatever you do. 1 beg of you
that you show yourself to be so much
: of a man your friends will not dare to
select you a furniture wife.” The hus
' band of a “furniture wife" misses life's
greatest joy. and gets just what he
. 'deserves. -