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Jane Warrington Wanta Her Voice Trained in Gay Pare*.
(.' bove) Ethel Atnorita Kelley Who Suggest* Speed
, Motor Through Tiffany’* Shop Window.
Her $1,000,000 Voice Needs Training.
By JANE WARRINGTON.
L:STEN here, Simon, dear, I want me voice pulled,
I mean trained. “Me voice is me fortune, sir,”
I she said. But nobody will believe it unless the
news comes from Pans, signed Jean de Reszke.
I wouldn’t mention it on such short acquaintance,
Simon, dear, but for my feeling of responsibility about
your sad Atlantic Highlands case. All of us Broad
way girls feel the same way—only you don’t need to
bother about the others.
Say, Simon darling, do you know what it costs to
have your voice pull I mean trained, in Paris?
Verb, sap. Meaning, in the vernacular of my dear
old alma mater, a word to the wise Millionaire Kid is
sufficient
B
IMAGINE the consternation cre
ated along New York's Gay
White Way by the news that a
young man who unexpectedly in
herited a million dollars is wasting
his time —and money—in Atlantic
Highlands, N. J.
Can such things be? And with
the lobster palaces of the show girls'
paradise almost visible to him
across the Upper and Lower Bay,
landmarked by the light in the Met
ropolitan Tower?
Suffering footlights'. Atlantic
Highlands to monopolize the latest
Millionaire Kid! Wouldn’t it jar
you? Treating village maidens to ice
cream sodas at tne drug store
Playing checkers in front of the
livery stable in the afternoons, and
leading a wild life at. the moving
picture show in the evening—with
Broadway and Forty-second street.
Rector’s, Tiffany's, and the Flo Zieg
feld’ thirsty tamed beauties within
easy and graceful access by the
Long Branch boat!
Well, well! Just listen to these
sentiments of Miss Ethel Amorita
Kelley. Miss Elsie Hamilton, Miss
Flo Hart and Miss Jane Warrington.
New York prize beauty chorus girls,
impanelled as jury to sit on ‘he
case of Simon Daniel Paddock, Mil
lionaire Kid of Atlantic Highlands,
printe in another column on this
page.
When Simon Paddock was nine
teen he was the chauffeur for he
Mayor of Atlantic Highlands. I-Ie
was poor but happy. Now Simon
Paddock is twenty, and, as he com
plains, they “part his name in the
middle.” You see, a millionaire un
cle of his left to Simon and Simon’s
brother and sister his fortune.
Young Mr Paddock says he Is
“Home, James—to Tiffany’s.”
By EDITH AMORITA KELLEY.
OH, what a simple Simon! What a modest re
tiring Millionaire Kid! But he needn’t feel
bashful any more over his mistake about At
lantic Highlands We’ll welcome him just as warmly as
though he came direct from Pittsburgh. Just let him
bring ‘nat million with him and all will be forgiven.
We won’t detain him long on Broadway, either,
which w'ould be unkind, as he wants to be an inventor
like his father. You can figure that in about a month
or six weeks he’ll be busy Inventing some way to pay
his board at the rate of five dollars a week back in
Atlantic Highlands.
I’m sure he’s a nice, quiet young man and de
serves to be encouraged So I’m willing to assist him
In a perfectly original Millionaire Kid act that will
shorten his suspense and make all others look like
pikers.*
With the regular lobster and bubble water course
as a starter, we’ll pick out the most expensive six
cylinder limousine luxury they have for sale along
Automobile Row, and then, "Home, James,” home
neaning Tiffany’s. "Aha,’’ I seem to hear you ex-
Haim, ‘she’s already picked out that diamond tarara. ’
Forget it—nothing so piking.
Getting up good speed down F.fth avenue, ws’ll
motor, bang! right through Tiffany's best sun-burst
lined plate glass show window, and al! the twink.ers
afraid the money will spoil him.
“I wanted to be an inventor like my
father. 1 was working out a de- ice
for increasing the speed of automo
biles But now I’m rich 1 can't get
time to work. I'm too nusy attend
ing to my correspondence. Yes,
part of it’s business letters, but a
lot of it's fool letters Women write
me that they love me. How does ‘
a woman who lives in Arizona know
whether she loves me, but this one
from Cactus town says she’ll die
unless I marry her. Guess she
might as well stake out her burial
lot."
“A lot of Atlantic i ighlajiders
have tied up in a combine to part
me from my money because, they
say ‘He’ll be an idiot and find his
way to Broadway and burn up his
mone.v ther~ anvway. We might as
well have it.’ So they get together
and try to pluck me
“First they nab this white car of
mine that I call Daisy, because she
can run ighty miles an hour: they
arrest me for speeding when I’ve
never driven more than twenty-five
miles an hour in mv life Every
time I get into the white car I say
to myselt I'm going to be arrested—
and I never disappoint myself
Either I’m arrested for speeding
when I’m not. or my license has
been out for five minutes anti they
take me in.
“A man can come from New York
and ride aronnd Jersey as much as
he likes, but not Simon Paddock.
‘Nay. nay.’ They’ve pushed me till
I'm blue.
“By- Ger.-ge, you may not believe
me. but some highbinder stole the
tools from my car and then brought
them around and tried to sell them
back to me.
that fly into the car and drape the running gn ar wi’l
belong to little Ethel! s ar win
present’ ‘° th ' nk ° f anything e,se ’’.st at
“Wanted—a Dress of Yellow Backs”
By ELISE HAMILTON.
DON’T worry, Simon, about that Atlantic High
hinds mistake—Broadway’s still on the
Why. there was a Millionaire Kid once who
came on from the West in a private car with his mind
full of skyscrapers and the high places along the
White Way, who dropped asleep just this side ' \
Eli,at-,.,. N .... and „ y
yelling. “New-Ark!”- Porter
Believe me. that Kid grabbed his bag and jumped
off before any one could stop him. A minute It
he was gazing at the top of a six-story building nn
Market street saying to himself: “Gosh' Ne w Y k
sure a wonder!" It was a week before he could be
pried loose from that Jersey burg. But once he S1
the Flatiron Building, the rest was easy. He J
out a real credit to himself.
But this gold-lined Simon ought to be told at one
that progress rules the age. The day is paßt
a Millionaire Kid can distinguish mimself by the usual
Broadway lobster and bubble stuff route. And that
reminds me that I can do him a good turn —with kind
“When 1 was just Sim Paddock
nobody ever bothered me. I had
all the letting alone I wanted. Now
I'm never alone a minute. I’m al
ways stumbling over people They
get under my feet. Some night I
expect to go home and find one of
tiie grafters in my bed. They’re
after me to lend them money on a
mortgage or cn nothing.
“They take me for a slot machine
that works the other way—pours
out money because it’s out of or
der.’’
Yes, Simon Daniel Paddock is on
happy-, so unhappy that he would
rather be the . Mayor’s chauffeur
than to be pointed at. by people
whose eyes bulge, as “the Million
Dollar Kid.” ‘ Killing time," he says,
is the most laborious occupation on
earth. “At my rate he can’t go into
a store because prices will jump at
sight of him. He used to like soda
water, but he avoids soda water
fountains now because somebody is
sure to suggest a. new mixture that
costs a quarter.
But his troubles as a millionaire
are nearly over. He has only to
act upon the advice of the chorus
girl jury in order to quite suddenly
acquire all the solitudfe and obscur
ity his soul craves.
Mr. Simon Daniel Paddock’s ca«e
is being considered on Broadway
It is a competent jury Ethel Amor
ita Kelley, you remember, is the fair
maid who has made the Busch fam
in anxlous test Adolph
HI. should bring an actress into the
iamiiy Elise Hamilton is famed
along Broadway for her beautv
Jane v arrington Is one of the belles
■f Broad ..ay. All have seriously con
sidered the situation of Simon Dan
iel. formerly “Sim.” Paddock, and
render verdicts as here printed
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Fli»e Hamilton, Who Recommends a of “Yellow Backs.”
permission or Flo Ziegfeld. You see. it’s
sc hard co make people believe that my
•econa act dress cost S9OO.
What I suggest is -.nat Simon turnlsn
the material to make me a dress all of
yellow backs. Then if people wont pa-
lleve I’m one expensive dresser, all I
have to do n to turn around slowly and
say: Well, if you don’t take my tally
just court me up for yourself. BelHva
me, a little stunt like this will send
Simon ringing down tne ages.