Newspaper Page Text
' '!
* i>
!S
! tO
L\ Ls
XI V7
2. i
ZL/
>/7r\
41 4.
BIST HUMOR, MOV1NO
PICTURES. VAUDEVILLE.
ATLANTA, GA., SUNDAY. APRIL 20. 1913.
How Criminals
Escaoe From Prison
Another extraordinary revelation of life
in the Underworld, by Sophie Lyons, the
* 'Queen of the Burglars
IN THIS
Sunday’s American
Life in the Land of the Free List
By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist
OffPfrtfht, 111*, by th« Star Company Great Britain Rights Reserved.
HTf! COME BACK,!
And pay Tor your
MEAL
r <5WAN! fa>D
is on the
FREE LIST.'
\
fmE Food
MISTER
CAW 1 Wane,
THAT
FREE PIAMOMOS
tweatketickets
OH THE
fkee Li 57
L.
SAN. SMITH
CIVE ME
5t worn.
WH€N THE TA)C 15 OFF BE ETC
LA 0Y CAN You
qiVE A POOR MAN A
EMTEld EAT
WHEN.
AUTOMOBILES ARE
OH THE FREE UET
WHAT HAVE
TouTHERE?
PARQAIN
IM STEEL
RAIL5
}—35
Humorous Travelogue by De Wolf Hopper
He Is Just Back from the Road and
Tells All About the Great Northwest
Copyright, 1913, by The Star Company. Gr*at Britain Rights Reserved.
.De Wolf Hopper s Map of the Northwest.
G ENTLEMEN and flatterers, you simply can't con
jecture how grateful I am to be paroled once
more, Just after having completed my two-year
sentence at hard labor on the road. And then at last
—when the reprieve did come—I thought It never would
—how I did burst forth with my ticket of leave, and
after spending money like water, a veritable financial
Niagara so to splash, here X am.
I had the temerity to ask several of my sworn, swear
ing friends whether they had missed me. They all
agreed that my absence made the heart grow fonder—
of the theater. You know the kind of people I mean—
when I arrived in town they met me at the station with
a hearse. Sometin. • they say the sky’s the limit.
Well, that day even the sky looked black.
The land to which I had passed away with my
mourners is known as the Great Northwest, with a little
Canadian on the side. It is in reality the land of per
ennial tonics quinine, not alcoholic. The man who
made out oar route discovered more places not on the
map than any person in the world’s history. But I can
account for that. I have since found out that he is a
direct descendant of Columbus. And believe me, he
has progressed in his methods with the times. He sat
here in his offlce and discovered the places, then he
sent us out to nnt for the gold he said they had there.
But really the natives out that way are charming
creatures. When it comes to optimism they have Chris
tian Science looking like Omaha after the tornado.
Why, when it's sixty degrees below zero there they
think Spring is coming.
1 asked one man if they ever had any Summer. He
said he didn't quite know, because he had only lived
there eleven months.
You have to take it for granted that it's beautiful
country, for the towns are always covered with six
feet of snow.
One lovely city in the icy desert of Canada is , altM
Kock Sjv'ngs. They Yarned it in honor of the beds In
the hoirtifc 4*4* there were Wm-gt
amazing features about our hotel that I can never for
get Shades of P. T. Barnum! Don you know, they
had the biggest, tallest waitress that could carry the
smallest steak that was ever stuck.
We had the meanest landlord. He was so mean that
he would steal a dead fly from a blind spider. Why,
you lucky people never stop to realize how you are
blessed with Nature’s luxuries. Here you are com
plaining just because you can’t get booze after 1 a.
m. Huh! In that place that measly, miserly landlord
turned off the water after 1 a. m.
The people come to the theater in evening dress,
however. But, however again, their evening dress is
buffalo robes. We poor thespians in our open-face
clothes would almost freeze to death when we caught
a glimpse of the audience. Lucky for us we had a
warm show. Oh, you folks don’t know what it is to bo
in cold storage for two years—not even excepting the
chickens that we have with us this evening.
We brought a little touch of realistic local color into
the show. When the curtain ros# m one of our scenes
a mat was hej>«Mne down nitw the gras-* >■5"'
it seem natural to those Eskimos w > gave inis man
an ice-sickle to cut with.
For my next road tour I have engaged Rear Admiral
Peary for our guide. Then we’ll he prepared to play
any refrigerator fom Klondike to Patagonia. I've heard
that there are a lot of nice places in Northern Alaska.
Who knows, I might buy a Summer home up 'hero. No
mosquitoes, no electric fans. Great place to get lid
of the ice-cream habit.
Funny thing, when I’m away from home I get home
sick; when I’m home I actually get a yearning for
those Canadian Northwest villas now and then; road-
sick, as it were. But I can cure such attacks very effec
tively. Whenever I feel that way I simply get into my
pajamas and sit on a cake of ice. Then oil the charms
of that delightful country are brought home to me.
Now I realize that certain gentlemen are keeping
their places of business open just for your especial
benefit (and theirs), at this tiipe of the evening. As ’
(he curtain drops at the dltchiiy ^,of one o'clock—
ours, them- nnif_ in { •,]] „ 1! jf rv i nur-
ried.
not