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By Herriman
Anecdotes by
Famous People
The Old Man Learns Something New
T /Thd-s Do Vou Learaj That Aaj
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N O one had a greater fund of
short stories at her disposal
titan tiie late Lady Dorothy
Nevill, and one in particular that she
used to relate was of a very good-
natured lady who was always helping
a relative of hers who was very ex
travagant. Having one summer lent
this feather-brained creature a .con
siderable sum of money, what was
her surprise at the end of the season
to be applied to again in order that
what were described as some pressing
debts might be settled. “I am very
sorry,” said the kind-hearted lady
“but I can’t possibly help you again
just now. In order to lend you that
money some time ago I was forced to
go without a motor this season. - '
"Dear me,” was the reply, “if I had
only known that I should have been
delighted to have lent you mine.”
A Lawyer’s Story.
Mr. James T. Brady, a New Y.ork
lawyer, tells this amusing store.
When he first opened an office in
New York he took a basement room
which had been previously occupied
by a cobbler. He was somewhat an
noyed by the previous occupant’s call
ers. and irritated by the fact that he
had few of his own. One day an
Irishman entered. "The cobbler’s gone,
1 see,” he said. “I should think h 1
had,” tartly responded Brady. “And
what do you sell?” said the visitor
looking at the solitary table and a
few law books. “Blockheads,” re
sponded Brady. “Begorra,” said tin-
Irishman, “ye must be doing a mighty
fine business, ye ain’t got but on 1 :
left.”
Edison's Story.
Mr. Thomas A. Edison was accept
ing blandly a reporter’s apology for
an error in a quotation. “Oh,” Mr.
Kdison said, "I am rather well used
to being misquoted. Electrical terms
are always confusing to the lay min i.
No wonder. Listen to this.” He*e
Mr. Edison drew a telegram from his
pocket. “I got this telegram from an
assistant electrician this morning,” he
said. “Listen.” And he read: “Wire
with no outside outside. Put inside
wire outside and outside inside. Need
more outside for inside.”
He Knew.
It was a party of visitors seeing
the sights in Pittsburg that finally
entered the conservatory presented to
the city by Mr. Phipps. The curator
while showing them around was
called away on business and left the
visitors in charge of one of the clerks
They came to a beautiful statue
which was admired immensely. It
was of translucent marble. He point
ed out the excellencies of the statue,
told the name of the sculptor, and
showed it from every viewpoint. One
asked: “Alabaster, isn’t it?" “No,” h 1
said, “Venue.”
A Club Yarn.
The following good story was told
not long ago at one of the Atlanta
clubs: One or two young officers
were dining together at a restaurant
one night, and the conversation be-
came a discussion on lies and lying
generally, and finally there was a
warm debate as to who was the big
gest liar known to them. An old gen
tleman sitting at a table near was
unable to avoid overhearing the dis
cussion. and after a few minutes he
rose and came over to their table. “I
have just heard you decide, gentle
men,” he said gravely, “that Lieuten
ant Arthur is the biggest liar
I am his fa-
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By Cliff Sterrett
Ma Is an Ardent Recruit
C’opjrltfht, 1018, International New* Serrica.
DO Sfou MEAU ToSTAMO'TMERE-
Au’lELL ME ver willin'
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you have ever met.
ther.”
After a few r seconds' embarrassed
silence one of the young officers be
gan to stammer apologies, but the
old man waved them aside. “No,
no,” he said, “don’t apologize: it’s
quite unnecessary. 1 was only going
to say that if you regard my son Ar
thur as the biggest liar you have ever
! met you can not possibly have met my
, other son, Richard.”
The Editor’s Story-
A certain editor is credited with
having related this story: He once
ordered a story of a certain length
and discovered the novelist had writ
ten several hundred words too many.
In order to make the story fit the
space at his disposal the last few
paragraphs were condensed into a
single sentence. This is the way it
read: “Von Berken took a small glass
of whisky, his hat, his departure, no
notice of his pursuers, a revolver out
of his pocket, and finally his life.”
Mr. Barrie's Best.
It is said of Mr. J. M. Barrie that
he is rather shy and retiring in man
ner and one of the “most enjoyable
social functions” li e ever attended
was, it is said, a dinner in which he
turned to his neighbor and asked, “Do
you converse?” “No, I don’t,” replied
his neighbor. ‘Neither do I,” said
Mr. Barrie, comfortably".
Not To Be Believed.
Mr. "Johnnie” Schofield, the come
dian, relates an amusing story". A
certain doctor had a patient. One day
he came to the doctor in great trou
ble. During the night, he said, he
had accidentally swallowed a mouse.
The doctor told him to get a cat and
some fried cheese and to lie on his
back with his mouth open and the
cheese on his nose. “Then,” said the
doctor, “when the mouse smells the
cheese he will come up for it, and
the cat will then be able to catch it.”
The man thanked him and went home.
But the next day he was back again
in worse trouble than ever. “Well,
j did you do as I told you?” asked thr
; doctor. “Yes,” said the man. “bur
while I was lying on my back I fell
off to sleep.* Now the cat is missing,
and I'm afraid it has gone down
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®® Copyrlfht, 1&13. Internttional Kerrs Service ® ® — ® {
• • • • •• •• !
7 T
^ FDRiOU S 1 PAPER 1 /
Seorge McManus
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Us Boys
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Eaglebeak Spruder Is Almost Too Popular
R«vlst«red Iniffld State* Patent OfAea
By Tom McNamara