Newspaper Page Text
By Herriman
The Dingbat Family
Anecdotes by
Famous People
The Old Man Learns Someth
Copyright, lfll, International New* Aerrlee.
Thos Do Vou LcARM That Aaj UNRiPe.
That You may i ears' The. Fetter. 4ms\
AicftE, iAsr/wt>ty /uy CetgsTiAL Hope.
It ujoui-d Be. weu. That You/——-
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I AM EVER. READy /
Foe. A ftiT OF lOjFC
Be it FP.OM A FRUIT
or be »t from at
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—;ty Delusicaj, Aa/D A FRuit
—, \ UERY DECEITFUL. /AJ ITS 5
>«Ew Y HABITS. A TNMJ&ciy
L.WE should All be.)
N O one had a greater fund of
short stories at her disposal
ttvnn the late Lady Dorothy
Nevlll, and one In particular that she
used to relate was of a very good-
natured lady who was always helping
a relative of hers who was very ex
travagant. Having one summer lent
this feather-brained creature a con
siderable sum of money, what was
her surprise at the end of the season
to be applied to again 1n order that
what were described as some pressing
debts might be settled. "I am very
sorry,” said the kind-hearted lady,
“but I can’t possibly help you again
Just now. In order to lend you that
money some time ago I was forced to
go without a motor this season."
“Dear me,” was the reply, "If I had
only known that I should have been
delighted to have lent you mine.”
A Lawyer’s Story.
Mr. James T. Brady, a New York
lawyer, tells this amusing story.
When he first opened an office In
New York he took a basement /room j
which had been previously occupied ,
by a cobbler. He was somewhat an
noyed by the previous occupant’s call
ers, and Irritated by the fact that ho
had' few of his own. One day an
Irishman entered. “The cobbler’s gone,
I see,” he said. “I should think h%
had,” tartly responded Brady. “And /
what do you sell?” said the visitor, i
looking at the solitary table and a
few law books. “Blockheads,” re
sponded Brady. “Begorra,” said the
Irishman, “ye must be doing a mighty
line business, ye ain’t got but one
left.”
Edison’s Story.
Mr. Thomas A
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lotu Alouey
A BARREL
\0F BRiCtcs
Y. quick !!
By Cliff Sterrett
Ma Is an Ardent Recruit
Opyrtght, 1918, InUrnatlonal New* Herrioe.
Edison was accept-
[ \ng blandly a reporter’s apology for
an error in a quotation. “Oh,” Mr.
Edison said, “I am rather well used
i to being misquoted. Electrical terms
; are always confusing to the lay mini.
: No wonder. Listen to this.” He*e
j Mr. Edison drew a telegram from his
! pocket. “I got this telegram from an
assistant electrician this morning,” he
said. "Listen.” And he read: “Wire
with no outside outside. Put inside
j wire outside and outside inside. Need
| more outside for inside.”
He Knew.
It was a party of visitors .seeing
the sights in Pittsburg that final ,
entered the conservatory presented t<»
the city by Mr.\Phipps. The curator
while showing*: them around was
called away on business and left the
visitors In charge of one of the clerks
statue
DO Sfeu FfEAW ToStamo'Thfre
I WAWT You To
vy/MR ONE of
These '\Jo7eS
For vy/oMEu"
Bulled. MA
EVERYBODY'S
DoiW IT. 1
Do You ME/4 w To Tell ME Tbu
00W1 WAN'l A VOICE im
THE 60VEPWMEWT?
A RE VOU Y/iLLiMG To Be
classed with t-he
AMD FELONS
do you
BELIEVE IIV
VOTES FOR
VX/OMEM,
DELI CIA ?
Tee’
I SHOULD
WORRY
About the
vote »
/4h'TeLL ME VEr? WILLIN'
To be Classed with the
FOlly we 6oT
TROUBLE
EMOU6H .
AJOSL/. 1
yJJfjAMEO
THE VERY
lj)MR
I LowUFtf BUMS'
of Such A
—Tl-llMCr I
—7 IDIOTS
n l
J They came to a beautiful
which was admired immensely. It
; was of translucent marble. He point -
! ed out the excellencies of the statue,
told the name of the sculptor, and
j showed It from every viewpoint. One
| asked: “Alabaster, isn’t it?” “No,” hj
! said, “Venus.”
A Club Yarn.
The following good story was told
not long ago at one of the Atlanta
clube: One or two young officers
were dining together at a restaurant
one night, and the conversation be
came a discussion on lies and lying
generally, and Anally there was a
warm debate as to who was the big
gest liar known to them. An old gen
tleman sitting at a table near was
unable to avoid overhearing the dis
cussion, and after a few minutes he
rose and came over to their table, "I
have Just heard you decide, gentle
men,” he said gravely, “that Lieuten
ant Arthur ie the biggest Iter
you have ever met. I am his fa
ther.”
After a few seconds’ embarrassed
silence one of the young officers be
gan to stammer apologies, but the
old man waved them aside. “No,
no,” he said, "don’t apologize; It’s
Quite unnecessary. I was only going
to say that if you regard my son Ar
thur as the biggest liar you have ever
met you can not possibly have met my
other son, Richard.”
The Editor’s Story.
A certain editor is credited with
having related this story: He once
ordered a story of a certain length
: and discovered the novelist had writ
ten several hundred words too many.
In order to make the story fit the
space at his disposal the last few
, paragraphs were condensed into a
single sentence. This is the way it
read: "Von Berken took a. small glass
of whisky, his hat, his departure, no
notice of his pursuers, a revolver out
of his pocket, and finally his life.”
Mr. Barrie’s Best.
It is said of Mr. J. M. Barrie that
he is rather shy and retiring in man
ner and one of the “most enjoyable
social functions” h e ever attended
was, it is said, a dinner in which he
turned to his neighbor and asked, “Do
you converse?” “No. I don’t,” replied
his neighbor. “Neither do I,” said
By Tom McNamara ^
Eaglebeak Spruder Is Almost Too Popular
Registered United States Patent Office
(jff AuiA V WitH
PLA'i in’ hookey fro^ ya” fo^BOME \.e‘>4qM
TELL fOA TO TELL PA THAT TOO POURED j,
SKINN'i SHAME R’S
SlSTER/S
6oT HIM!.
SISTER'S gold fishes into the
'PfiklOGRAPH" HORH SEEIF^T
gonna be a 1 HOLDOOTER- iu STICK
HERE AND f~~ACrVTy TTTTZ
PIPE OFF ( I ^
the game ; /
6006LY DEPARTMENT
SHANtRS
EAST
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lessons
NO. 4-
HE'LL X
HAFTER
VAMOOSE
P16 i hi
BARREL.
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TELL OWE RE A P/M (S
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-HEADED ONE WAY AND
pointed Anotheir-
OMERq-OMER’., order!
dUutej
LILLIAk) lEFPLER.
EIGHTH STREET- u. 5, a.
mtfr kind op a
CRIME DO A SLEEP/AIG
&0Y REPRESENT, How ?
AlJJUJER. TD-MUftROUJ 5
PAPER!
THE MATTER LAhTH
HEY CUT OUT THAT RACKET
YQUR£ BUSTIN’ UP BUSINESS
(SAUJAN NCiUA
PRACTISE
LOUDER' ,
TBE N)AR\JE10DS
6A6LEBEAK SPRUDER
DEMONSTRATES
HIS POPULARITY
ID iTh TH£ FAME
PUSTlMG UP
JESTER DATS GAME
’BEFORE IT STARTED
MANAGER Flynn is
FURlOU S 1
'(OUSE FANS?-COM*
BACK HERE. TW
Game starts IN
-.tA SECOND’ J
Oh, It’s Great To Be Married !
By George McManus
Copyright. 1913. International Newra Service.
A SENTLEMAn I
^>1 T he NAME OF k
saw' just phoned
HE IDE R'CHT QYEE.
AND JOIN YOU! ,
OH HUOBy -
''USS JONEE, IS
yeachinc ME TO
turkey trot-
ANO l VANT
you TO DANCE
TO ! , ■
I co Me on vfiTB
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j Dinner a no
> see some oood
TURKEt TROTS
TURKET
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eh :
my VORD 1 i ; i
just Think, ^
DF ME u f Ay t n<
HONE TO SE E
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5*nC!»k.
oh:the i
Banana
FEEU SMP’I