Newspaper Page Text
Anecdotes by
Famous People
By Herriman
The Dingbat Family
The Old Man Learns Something New
Copyright, 1911, IttUrnaUu-c*] News Itarrlr#
Thus Do Vou Lcarm That Aaj ' U/vriPe.
Thaj- Vou 'WAV Cearw The. Bettep. am>\.
WORE, iA«T/W<aCY W CEtESTiAC HOPE,
It vwoolp Be. uieil That Yous—-—
Stast& of 7Hls FROT
/HAUIM& /MUCH Yb\
JiEAHAJ, "MV OUMT
I A«> Alo feARbEA)
OF EDEATTo L05B.
\JlL TA6TB- IT -
Ws But Ye TppMy -wy mraatS S>Aua\ Vuat
f ^hocx, 4A0y
I Au EVtft. EEADV" 7
F?ft. A fc\T OF /AJFO v
Be T FROM A FNUlT
OR BE >T FiQom At
yVESETABCE r/
PEKSIAJ-MOA) ' IS A SAlARE Aa;o A L.
■" —jr-^ Delusi oaj, Aa/C> A FRoit
\ UERY DECEITFUL /AO ITi 5
Jtmhe \ HABITS, A TW/AJ& O
) u/e 5H0UUJ Au- Be-3
N O one had a greater fund of
short stories at her disposal
than the late Lady Dorothy
Nevlll, and one In particular that she
used 1 to relate was of a very good-
natured lady who was always helping
a relative of hers who was very ex
travagant. Having one summer lent
this feather-brained creature a con
siderable sum of money, what was
her surprise at the end of the season
to be applied to again In order that
what were described as some pressing
debts might be settled. “I am very
sorry," said the kind-hearted lady,
•but I can't possibly help you again
Just now. In order to lend you that
money some time ago I was forced to
go without a motor this season."
"Dear me,” was the reply, "if I had
that I should have been
Vot TdotiHT Mt A &REAT l ESSOV _C
AKTM FT f- BUT A LEMOAI A rPtXT
CFTEiFuav Iovjly But DelljOdouscv,^
PCTt ATI A l- - S© -fo DAT | NAVE A
niurr‘FRo/(i which i nope. youj
Wl/L /CAPAJ AWCH —) 1
only known
delighted to have lent you mine.”
A Lawyer’s Story.
Mr. James T. Brady, a New Tork
lawyer, tells this amusing story.
When he first opened an office in
New York he took a basement room
which had been previously occupied
by a cobbler. He was somewhat an
noyed by the previous occupant's call-
, ers, and irritated by the fact that he
had few of his own. One day an
Irishman entered. “The cobbler's gone,
i 1 see,” he said. "I should think he
had,” tartly responded Brady. "And
what do you sell?” said the visitor,
looking at the solitary table and a
| few law books "Blockheads," re
sponded Brady. “Begorra,” said the
Irishman, "ye must be doing a mighty
fine business, ye ain't got but on#
teT»J ieiAlt ' PPi/MORDial
“SURE, itlOAJ CVS. I6AJAT2
Mwet -moa/ev
\5AV You 2 (
VNou) Motiey
XlT^HIAJK I&AIAT2' OB ^ ,
The Boueva I Am ifAK/uo
i\) Iooxuoa Ar ~Tktbj~-'
UtowoeEpyus Amd
IT A 6ATAT Pai/OTeP. ShoulS'
fTHE. Ofcl61MAC HEfeB
i BEFORE Me., Krs- J
V AJcThiajs- "The /a
t^Gost t J Mt.
BlT 1 STill
v Am Ar A Loss')
) At. To Hou (
7\ThaT H.WI5I(HBL
XYou ——'
>?AlWT LfcWCiSCAPBS <
\moolo Some Rick MM AJoT
\<Stvt Mim At least c~-—d
A barrel
V OF Bricks
VlJuick !!
EEAoT(»V(- S LfcAJtiSCAPR
By Cliff Sterrett
Ma Is an Ardent Recruit
Copyright, 1913, latcroattooa) New* Br ncm.
DO vfoo MEAW 'ToStawd'Tmere
/4U’TELL Me VER WiLLIH 1
To 1$e Classed with The
DO VoO MEAw'Io'Tti.L ME '>bu
OOMT VJM4WT a V/OICE
TWE 6'ovepwmewT?
ARE VOU WU-LIW6 To BE.
CLASSED with ''THE
IDIOTS wo FELONS
I DMWT YOU'TO
WEAR OHt OP
THESE 'W07eS
For wdmew
But roMS, ma
Ev/ERYBodYS
Doiw' it! r J
DoStXJ
BELIEVE IV
VOTES FOR
VSt/OMEM,
DELI CM T
TAME rr/}WAY
r?lly ivt Gor
TROUBLE
■EMOU6H .
HCKU]
Tee! Hte-'
1 Should
\S60f?RY
ABOUT THE
VOTE .»J
>15iAMED
THE VERY
(PEAR
OF ^LlCH A
I LcwUftS ah' BUNS?)
said. “Listen." And he read: “Wire
with no outside outside. Put inside
wire outside and outside inside. Need
more outside for inside.”
He Knew.
It was a party of visitors seeing
the sights in Pittsburg that final,,
entered the conservatory presented to
the city by Mr. Phipps. The curator
while showing them around was
called away on business and left'the
visitors in charge of one of the clerks.
a beautiful statue
They came to
which was admired immensely. It
was of translucent marble. He point
ed out the excellencies of the statue,
told the name of the sculptor, and
! showed it from every viewpoint. One
asked: “Alabaster, isn’t it?” “No,” he
; said, “Venus.”
A Club Yarn.
The following good story was told
! not long ago at one of the Atlanta
! clubs: One or two young officers
were dining together at a restaurant
j one night and the conversation be-
i came a discussion on lies and lying
generally, and finally there was a
warm debate as to who was the big
gest liar known to them. An old gen-
i tleman sitting at a table near wa»
unable to avoid overhearing the dis
cussion, and after a few minutes he
rose and came over to their table. “I
have Just heard you decide, gentle
men,'' he said gravely, “that Lieuten
ant Arthur le the biggest liar
I am his fa-
||i By Tom McNamara ^
Eaglebeak Spruder Is Almost Too Popular
Reiriatered I'nited State* Patent Offlc*
serAwAv ui'ifw
TELL TO mi PA THAt YOii POURED l
. _ e. _ „ .. —* . — '
&LW' A'65*n fW ToY&ons 4 l?s^h
SKINM'I S HAMER'S
1 | AIN'T GONNA PLAT NO IM
GONNA BE A HOIDOOTER' ILL STICK
HERE AND f Af” . TY T-Tr
PlPE OFF | ^
w game: /
SISTER'S gold fishes into THE
'POHO GRAPH' HORN, SCE iF'pqT
I DON’T? <
6006LY DEPARTMENT
shaker's
oIauwng
lessons
NO. 4-
HE'LL \
HAFTEFt
jamoose:
P16 ifJ
barrel
Gmuet to
m CM'T'iOO MEUER
tell OWE RE AP/M IS
GOING ?- BECAUSE lTis
headed owe wat and
POINTED AWOTHER-
order'.,orȣr!
you have ever met.
ther.”
After a few seconds' embarrassed
silence one of the young: officers be
gan to stammer apologies, but the
old man waved them aside. "No,
no.” he said, “don't apologize; it’s
quite unnecessary. I was only going
to say that if you regard my son Ar
thur* as the biggest liar you have ever
met you can not possibly have n^et my
other son, Richard.”
The Editor’s Story.
A certain editor is credited with
having related this story
HEY teHAT'S THE MATTER WITH )
' f-COMft I
Het Cut out that racket
VOURE BUSTIN' up bos/wess
£AU)AN MCiUU.
PRACTICE
LOUDER 1 . ,
TbB N)AR\JELODS
EA6LEB6AK 5PRDDER.
DEMONSTRATES
HLS POPULARITY
W iTh T^E PAMS
'by BusTimg up
'YESTERDAYS GA«E
’BEFORE IT STARTED
MANAGER Flywm is
FDRlOU S i
'(OUSE FANS
BACK HERE. T>*
6AM£ starts IN
SECOND’
order:
djOdAVs
FRZJfd 0
uilliaO LEFaeit
EIGHTH STREET- u. S.A,
MAt KlNID QF A
CRIME DO a SiEEPlHto
EOT REPRESEA/T.HOH ?
AlJSUIER /lJ 'TO hJDItRouJ 5
PAPER)
He once
ordered a story of a certain length
and discovered the novelist had writ
ten several hundred words too many.
In order to make the story fit the
space at his disposal the last few
paragraphs were condensed into a
single sentence.
This is the way it
read: “Von Berken took a small glass
of whisky, his hat, his departure, no
notice of his pursuers, a revolver out
of his pocket, and finally his life.**
Mr. Barrie’s Beet.
It is said of Mr. J. M. Barrie that
he is rather shy and retiring in man
ner and one of the “most enjoyable
social functions" he ever attended
was. it is said, a dinner in which he
turned to his neighbor and asked, “Po
you converse?" “No, I don’t," replied
his neighbor. “Neither do I,” said
Mr. Barrie, comfortably.
Not To Be Believed.
Mr. “Johnnie” Schofield, the come
dian, relates an amusing story. A
certain doctor had a patient. One day
he came to the doctor in great trou
ble. During the night, he said, he
had accidentally swallowed a mouse.
The doctor told him to get a cat and
some fried cheese and to He on his
back with his mouth open and the
cheese on his nose. “Then,” said the
doctor, “when the mouse smells the
cheese he will come up for it, and
the cat will then be able to catch it.’.'
1 The man thanked him and went home.
But the next day he was back again
in worse trouble than ever. “Well,
did you do as I told you?" asked the
doctor. “Yes,” said the man, “but
Oh, It’s Great To Be Married !
By George McManus
Copyright, 1918. lnt*rn*Uon*l New* Service.
A GENTLE bV\M I
Ci'i the name of ^
SAM JUST PvioNED
HE e>E RKIHT OVER
AMD JOIN \0U ^
OH HUBQt -
P,rs ^> JONES fb
TEACHING me to
TLRkej TRor-
ANO I WANT
YOU TO DANCE
—, TO J , -
CO Me or* teiTvt
Ub /**> HAVE
CkNNER ANC
E*E NONE C.OOO
Turkey t»ot-s
TUPkET
7R0T-
EH :
nn lord ! i!
JUST Tv*™*
Or rip i_C*v\n<.
home to ->ES
Vah PdOLisw
CANONS’ '
CON1E ON-
A <jOOD
fellow
for once:
tut-tut ;
NOT me -
tnate> too
foolish
To EVEN
^HlNJT of I
oh : the
e*,NAroc
peel sup