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TIEARST’8 SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, OA., SUNDAY, MAY
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After Tartar Sauce
A Story of the Red-Blooded Side of the Department
of Agriculture
By Wellington Smack. M. L. R.
F EW Americans know of the
great research work done In
wild parts of the world by agents
of the Department of Agrloulture.
How few know how Tartar
aauce was brought to the United
States!
James Macjlnk was one of the
unknown agents who went to
Wales, and after almost incred
ible hardships brought back the
pair of Welsh rabbits from which
evary Welsh rabbit In this coun
try Is descended. MacJInk had to
learn the Welsh language and
pass himsslf off as Lloyd Llong-
bow of Llangollen, a native of
Wales who had Hived a llong
time In Llexlr.gton, beforo they
would Met him have one of the
precious rodents.
Another daring worker for the
department was David Doughboy.
n *.
3.W
The Fight in the Air
Fiction ;
That Tingles
Around the Ripsnorters’ Campfire.
T
IE spread of the Legion of
nipsnorters has been amaz-
It la to Doughboy's daring that
America owos canary sertl.
Doughboy stole a fast torpedo
boat from the Navy Department,
landed In the Canary Islands at
night, loaded up with the sord
from which they grow canarie*
and was bock ,in the United
States before any one knew he
had gone.
But the atofy of the Tartar
sauce is even more thrilling. Ac
most people know. Tartary Is the
moet savage country In the world,
but Wiilic O'HIdks cared naught
for that. His mleclon was to
bring Tartar sauce baok to the
United States, and he did it.
Twice he was shot, four times he
was hanged and once he was
drowned, but he never gave up
the quest. 80 remember the
name of Willie O’Hioks in future
when you d,ally with steak and
Tartar sauce.
Ry Whyte C. Gull, M. L. R.
P AUL OPAN was a daring
aviator, but even his iron
norve failed him when a great
golden eagle sank its claws into
his neck as he whizzed over the
Rocky Mountains.
How to get rid of the aerial
monster?
The easiest way appeared to
be by falling suddenly the 2,COO
feet. If the eagle did not relax
its hold and fly away It would be
killed amid the ruins of the ma
chine. Of course, Oban would be
killed, too, but he never bothered
much about his own fate.
He had another plan.
Throwing on full speed, ho
drove his 'plane so rapidly
through the air that the intense
hent engendered by the friction
set fire to the bird s feathers and
the smoke quickly suffocated it.
('Thla incident oreune.rl, but
the bird iron a su tti!'>>c, not an
int/li'. Henee ice label il “fic
tion" A'-rurary above rr:l biooa.
even.—Kd.)
Is your blood red? Read the Red Corpuscle, it’s made
or you. Is your blood pale and thin? Read the Red Cor
puscle until your heart sends red blood boiling through your
Already the famous button of
the organization may be seen
stuck with walrus fat to the fur
coat of an Eskimo Ripsnorter
who io swimming through the
lee floes in pursuit of a wounded
bull whale.
The traveller In the dense Jun
gles of Central Africa may see
the emblematic rhinoceros upon
the breast of a chief engaged In
landing a five-ton hippopotamus
with a trout rod.
The passer-by may see it worn
by a colonel at Oyster Bay as he
drives a plough with one hand
and writes an essay on the Dlk-
Dik with the other.
On the wide reaches of the
Amazon the diver who is about
to cleave the mucfdy water to
tackle, single-handed, the mighty
boa constrictor, may have the M.
L. R. button hung around his
neck with a string of mahogany
fibre.
Indeed there is no epot on the
globe where one may not find a
wearer of the button. The daring
pathfinder in Brooklyn, the wan
dering adventurer in the Arabian
desert, the rash intruder into the
fastnesses of Oshkosh—all are
Ripsnorters.
Among the latest names to be
added to the list are:
King Alfonso of Spain.
George Bernard Shaw. .
Vive la Rlpsnort!
M.L.R. MEN LOOKING FOR FUN
|Vfl L. R. BUTTON, NO. 8761 —
Thirty years old. Sailor in
whalers since 1831. Harpoons
whales single-handed. Can shake
dice skilfully. Also good at cook
ing flapjacks. Like to head pros
pecting party In Arizona.
M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 934.—
Professional rhinoceros huntsr in
Nigeria until chased out by
Colonial Government for burn
ing a native village to got light
to read “Punch” by. Any job
combining gold and goro.
M. L. R. BUTTON NO. 27—Ten
years a tango tea dancer and
still alive, showing strong consti
tution. Would like tight work as
coal shoveller or iron worker.
M. L. R. BUTTON, NO. 639—
Crossed the Amazon on foot
twice and swam thrice across the
Sahara. What jobs have you?
New Fabl 0S m
lailg-By George Ade JoSt foF FllH
as,
The Dream That Came Out with Murh In UnoL
Published by Permission of Cosmopolitan Magazine.
(Copyrighted by the Interna..onal Magazine Co)
O NCE there was a provincial Tradesman who
gave his Yokemate a Christmas Present. It
was a kind of Dingus formerly exhibited on
the What-Not tn almost every polite Home.
By peering through at the twin Photographs and
working It like a Slide Trombone, one could get rav
ishing glimpses of Trafalgar Square, Lake Conic,
and the Birthplace of Bobby Burns.
Nearly every evening the Tradesman would back
up to the Student Lamp and put in a delirious half
hour with the Views.
While gazing up the Rue de Rlvoll or across the
rice-paddles at the snowy cap of Fuji, his Tlloo l
would become het by the old boyhood Desire to rail
across the Blue to Foreign Parts.
Those- who saw him mowing the
Lawn little suspected that he was
being Inwardly eaten hy the Wander
lust.
The Tradesman. Edwin by name,
and his Managing Director, Selen.i,
formed the magic-lantern Habit away
back in the days of Stoddard They
never missed a chnm-e to take in
Burton Holmes. Sitting in the dark
ness, they would hold hands and slm-
ply eat those Colored Slides
Selena belonged to n Club that was
trying to get a side-hold on the Art
ard Architecture of the Old World.
She had a smouldering Ambition io
ride a Camel In the Orient and then
come home and put it all over a cer
tain proud Hen who had spent six
weeks in Europe.
She had to wait patiently until
Edwin waa threatened with a ner
vous Break-Down. At last the Hap
py Day arrived when the Specialist
told him he must make his choice
between a long Sea Voyage and a
slow ride to the Family Lot
A few days later they were curled up in a Cabin
de Luxe about the size of a Telephone Booth, wait
ing for the Ocean Greyhound to recover from an at
tack of Hydrophobia.
When they tottered down the Gang-Plank, alter
six days on the playful North Atlantic, their only
Comfort was derived from the knowledge that, a.
Boon as they had rested up, they could write home
and quote the Second Officer as saying it was the
roughest Passage he had ever Knowu.
After spending a few days lu London, trying to
get warm, they moved on to Paris, which they re
membered long afterward on account of Napoleon's
Tomb and-the price of Strawberries.
Selena pulled her tail-grass French on a Hark
man, but there was nothing doing He had taken it
from a different Teacher.
So they employed a Guide who knew all the
Shops. If Selena happened to admire a Trinket or
some outre Confection with Lace slathered on it, a
perfumed Apache in a Frock Coat would take Edwin
Into a side room, give hifii the sleeve across thi
Wind-Pipe, and bite a piece out of his Letter of
Credit.
Edwin did a little quick work with the Pencil
and said they could either hurry on or else hie back
to the Home Town ami begin Life all over again.
Three weeks after saying good-by to Griddle
Cakes they were in Naples, which they had seen pic
tured on so many Calendars.
Once In a while they would venture from the
Hotel to run foot-races with the yelping Lazzaroni or
try to look at Yesuve without paying seven or eight
members of the Camorra for the Privilege.
After being chased back into the Hotel, they
would sit down and address Post-Cards by the Hour,
telling how much they were enjoying their stay in
Napoli, home of Song and Laughter.
Next we see them in Egypt, still addressing Post-
Cards, and offering anything within reason for a good
Cup of Coffee.
Not that they would own up to boing home-sick. No, indeed! They kept
writing back that they enjoyed every minute of their sail up the
Nile, and Edwin was holding up wonderfully, for an Invalid.
Not that they would own up to being Home-Sick.
No, indeed! They kept writing back that they en
joyed every Minute spent among the Cemeteries
and Ruins, or sailing up the Nile, und Edwin was
holding up wonderfully, for an Invalid.
Only, when either of them spoke of the Children,
or Corned-Beef Hash, or the Canary, a long Siieuce
would ensue, and then the Nervous Wreck would
cheer her by computing that they would be lu God's
Country within four months, if they escaped Ship
wreck, Sunstroke, and Bubonic Plague. ’
While parboiling themselves down the Red Sea It
began to soak In on them that, east of Suez, the
Yank lias about as much standing as the Ten Com
mandments.
The Congressman at homo had assured them, on
numerous occasions, that Columbia was the Jim or
the Ocean and the most upholstered portion of the
entire Foot-Stool.
Consequently, il was somewhat disconcerting to
meet British Subjects who never had heard of Quin
cy, Illinois, and who moved their Deck Chairs every
lime they were given a chance to hear about it.
Genera! Grouch Says™
Itn", by the Star CYnupany. Great Britain Kip Reeer.t«J
T HERE'8 more danger of getting stung by a
busybody than by a busy bee.
Of course matches are made in heaven; they're
not needed In the other place.
The same man who wouldn't hunt more than
three minutes for a screwdriver with w hich to put
on a screen door will tear around two hours hunting
for a corkscrew.
We begin to do right about the time we get ton
old to do wrong, but we don't begin to think right
until they call In the lawyer and the minister.
Woman Is the natural "rib'' roast.
H STerp one coglfl do as he pleased ihi A ..-uid he
the craziest planet in the solar system.
Men run quicker to aid a fallen horse than a
'alien man because they know It isn't the horse's
fault
Poverty isn't the only thing coining in at the door
that makes love fly out the window.
Some men would have U> give an excuse if they
gol home ahead of time.
Remember that every peach has a stony heart
If all wn had to cover us was our religion most
of us wonld have to stay in the water.
Did yen e,e- : flee tha- 93 l-r rent of the
pauenu, ia Urn icsi uuxo t-stahUsuiqcnvs are matvied?
They would arrive in a New Town, fly to tho Ho
tel, unpack, go out and buy their colored Post-Cards,
come back to the Dump (usually called the Grand
Hotel Victoria), address Cards to all the Names on
the list, then pack up, pay the Overcharges, and ride
to the Railw ay 3tin ion, accompanied by a small regi
ment of Bashi-Bazouks who were looking for Theirs.
Selena, was still buying Souvenirs, but doing it
mechanically, as if in a Trance. ,
They had been stung with so many Oriental Pho
neys and stuck up so often that they had gone
Yellow and lost their Nerve.
When they saw an outstretched Mitt, they came
across without a Whimper.
Often, while riding in the dusty Cattle Cars and
looking out at the parched Plains, they would think of
the shaded Front Porch, only five minutes from Bar
clay’s Drug Store, where they sold the Ice Cream
Soda. Moaning feebly, they would return to the
Italicized Guide Book.
Each day they would purchase a Newspaper
about the size of a Bed-Spread and search eagerly
for American News. Once in a while they would
learn that Congress had met or another Colored Per
son had been burned at the* Stake. It cheered them
Immensely to know that the Land of the Free was
still wiggling.
At Rangoon they met a locoed Countryman head
ed in the opposite direction. He was a hard-faced
Customer who was. lighting 'the Climate with Gin
nnd Bitters, but they fell upon him and wanted to
Kiss him when they learned that he had once met
Helena's Uncle at Colorado Springs.
The. told him how to save time in getting across
ndla, and he gave them a list of Places in China
and Japan that might be dodged to advantage.
Their principal Occupation, when not setting |
down Expressions of Delight on the Post-Cards, was
to study Time-Tables and cable ahead for Reserva
tions.
The Invalid's one desire was to get home and lake
a regular Bath before being laid out.
Hong Kong pleased them exceedingly because
ihey learned, by consulting Mr. Mercator's Projec
tion, that they were on the Home Stretch and, witji
Luck in their favor, might live to see another Piece
of Pie.
As soon as they were on the Pacific and headed
for a refined Vaudeville Show, they began to recover
the brave Spirit of Travel and blow about what they
had seen.
Tho Towns and Temples and Tombs and Treas
ures of Art were all jumbled together, but by dally
reference to Baedeker and Murray, they were en
abled to find out where they had been and what
they had seen with their own Eyes and how it im
pressed them, at the time.
Before touching at Honolulu they were real en
thusiastic about India. They advised tho awe
stricken Listener who had not been all the way
around to be sure and take in Penang and Johore,
and. if necessary, they would give him Letters of
Introduction..
They said it had been a wonderful Experience.
Yes, indeed. And broadening; Very. Then Edwin
would wander to the front end of the Ship and want
to climb out on the Bowsprit so as to be .in Frisco
ahead of anybody else
He convalesced rapidly as they approached the
Golden Gate, for he knew that in a few days he
could unpack for good nnd gallop down to the office
and not have to worry about Travelling.
Two hours after landing, Edwin saw a Porter-
House Steak and burst into tears.
They sped eastward by the first Train, still busy
with tile little Red Bo6ks, for they knew they would
have, to answer a lot of Questions.
"Shall we ov.n up and tell them the Awful
. Truth?" asked Selena.
"Not on your Esoteric Buddhism," replied Edwin.
“We never will be rewarded for our sufferings unless
we convince the Neighbors that we had a run for
our Money. It was a troubled Nightmare, in Spots,
but when I lecture in the Church Parlor I am going
lo burn Joss Sticks and pull every variety of Bunk
trade famous by Sir Edwin Arnold and Lafcadlo
Hearn.”
On the following Tuesday. Selena appeared at the
Club with her Mandarin Coat and the long Hindoo
Ear-Rings. She had them frozen in their Chairs.
MORAL: Pc it f - aru to Take, there is
ha pkR u like .* Ja urn Louie.
Oopvrhgit, 1013. by th* Star Cwnpany. ereat Britain Wehu Heserred.
“Look Out for the Paint!”
S HE—In Turkey a man never sees the face of his
wife until after they are married.
He—Great Scott! Do they use paint and pow
der over there, too!
old library, in old Germany, a forbidden book, a little lad
who looked, and sighed, and hoped.
For to him it was a book of wonder and white delight. Hi* soul
thrilled to the glory that it conjured up. It was a book of Music.
One night the moonlight streamed through his room and it tempted
him. Me crept down stair?, and in the secret of the night took down
the book. Its gravc’i melodies stood out before him in a mist of sound.
Night after moonlight night he came thus, bending, poring over it,
copying its figured radiances that were immortal sound.
And then one night his task was done. For six month* he had
worked, and he stood there riven by a triumph poignant as pain.
The beauty of the book was his. He had wrung from it the secret
of its importal message.
Years afterwards that boy was great—and a rumor stirred the world
regarding him. Men whispered bis name. Greet women prayed and
wept, prayed and waited till the final day. Then the stolen moonlight
hours laid their fingers upon him.
Sebastian Bach was blind. * + * * * *
Have you a child who hums es he plays, who has the beginnings of
musical talent—who might have even genius? How can you know,
till you’ve found out by giving Kim a chance with a few music lessons
and a good piano?
Beware of the kind of pianos that are “ good enough to practise on.
They deprave the musical taste. They have spoilt thousands of career*.
The ear, or rather the delicate brain cells that connect with it, got bad
*‘cound habits, * ’ like a boy who “ tal ks tough, ” or an Engl ish coc kneywith
his misplaced “h.” Each is the victim of sound environment. Their
sound judgments have been ruined, and they can’t come back • The
HALLET & DAVIS PIANO
develops a true musical taste through true sound—the one standard
cf the beautiful in music. If not tried too late, it can save the musical
ear-—perhaps a career. Tire great Franz Liszt end Johann Strauss
recommended the Hallet & Davis Piano. Pope Pius X honored it
with a Papal medal.
Give your boy a chance. And let us show you hem, and how you
can afford it too. That's cur business and we like it. We’ll call on
you if you like it. Anyhow, fill out the attached coupon and send for
catalog. Mail the coupon today—so you won't put it off and forget.
T
“Going Down!”
HERE was a young maid of sixteen.
Who took three baths a day to keep clean;
She had washed quite away,
When the drain pipe one day
Gulped her down. She was nevet
more seen!
HALLET & DAVIS PIANO
(Established iSjq)
50 N. Pryor St., Atlanta.
coupon
co.
Send me full information about Name _
the Hallet & Davis Piano, end
your Easy Buying Plan. Address
Henry’s Value.
J ATE yesterday afternoon Hen- I
*“ 1 fy T. Oatman sought Judge |
Spinx for an injunction restrain- f
ing the chickens at home. Ever
since last Tuesday Henry's chick
ens have adopted toward Henry
an exclusive attitude that amounts
to the “cut direct.” They sa y
they are the real aristocracy on
the farm because they are worth
eleven and a half cents a pound
while Henry wouldn’t fetch ten.
The neighbors are inclined to side with the
chickens.
N-9
nrart-;f'V..nrrgrTr- "'frrr. .tjffTggg
Bound to Disagree.
B ROWNE—I saw a funny thing in court to-day.
The first panel drawn consisted of twelve
Hebrews.
Greene—Gee; That was sure some Jewry.
“H
A Failure.
OW can I induce a suffragette to believe
that she doesn’t want to vote?"
“Marry her.”
“I’ye been married to her ten years.”
“Then divorce her and give some one else a
chance."
The Snique.
A MAN with a vision oblique
By accident jostles a Grique;
But each time that he tries
To explain his crossed eyes
The Orique takes a crack at his biquel
The Office Girl Who
Snickered Out Loud.
O H, a rag and a bone and a
hank of hair, and a shag
haired man with a 'phone stood
there. Oh. a wag in the room had
a pin on the chair and the man
so fat with the 'phone sat square
on the seat but flopped and be
gan to swear. And the rag
and the bone and the'hank of hair, chewed her
gum. chewed the rag, and she giggled for fair. So
the mutt with the fat shook her then and there,
to the rag and the bone and the hank's despair.
So she’s single yet, and a quiet wench is the wife
of the fat man on the bench. Now she who laughs
last laughs the best, but to he-haw wrongly proves
no jest; so grin with gusto when you can, but best
at a joke than at some man. It s a dum long lane
that's got no turn, and a book-keep girl’s got her
wage to earn; and it’s no good sense to snicker at
the boss, lest, maybe, a diamond ring’s her loss.
So if in the office why giggle you must, buy a copy
of Biff and snicker till you bust. You can read till
you're tired, till you’re tickled, till you wiggle, you
can sit there for hours while you laugh, cry and
giggle. And a neat glad-rag with her hair in a. hank,
may still win a chap with a book at the bank.
A woman seldom tells a good story. She never
hears the really goo^ ones.
Give Yourself a Chance
Are you sickly in any way? Are you
below par? Then you are not living right. Yottj
are not getting what might be vours. Postpone'’
ment is the price of your birthright.
Life has untold blessings if you will reach out;
and grasp them. Great obstacles recede before thd :
onrushing enthusiasm of the man or
woman who is vigorous and happy. The
, world smiles when you are well. Health
tinges everything with beauty.
Strong words, you say—yet true. To
the man or woman who will not be denied,
who demands- the right of being healthy
and happy, Nature—yes, and man—hold
out new hope. The ebbing spark may
be renewed The sluggish blood stream
may be quickened. The weakened nerves ana-
muscles may be brought to new life and strength..
And you wish to know what will do these things for you? Electricity.,
Electricity is
Nature’s Greatest Health Builder
When old Ben Franklin drew the spark down the silken cord, he brought,
to man a wondrous power—an agent to do his bidding and to strengthen
the very vitals and sinews of the man who used it.
The greatest achievement of the last decade has been to bring electricity
to suffering humans in a form safe, convenient and economical.
Many there are to-day, healthy and happy, who ascribe their well bang
to the curative, strengthening power of electricity.
Be you young or old, male or female, there is
new beauty, new life, new power, new happiness
for you in this wonderful modern invention.
The “Home”
Health and Beauty Battery
A few minutes each day will give woncTerful
results.
Constitutional headaches grow leas and finally
disappear under the tonic effect of the elec
tric current.
Lame backs and lumbago lose their terrors
Rheumatism Is relieved. Neuralgia alike, and
physical weaknesses of nearly every descrip
tion.
Thin faces and thin arms become plump.
The skin becomes soft and velvety, free from
unsightly eruptions.
The electric current from the Home Battery,
gentle or forcible, according to your require
ments, stimulates and strengthens the whole
system, giving Nature the power to so perform her functions as to keep all
parts healthy.
p « 00 0,1 rom P l * te In ft handsome, satin-lined box, with Hafr
r rite Brush. Electrode. Sponge. Massage Roller. Metal Foot
Plate, connecting cord for those accessories, and Instruction Manual, giving
explicit directions for all kinds of treatments.
The Home Battery Is complete In itself, no outside batterle* or connec
tions, nothing to get out of order, current easily regulated. We use &
standard dry cell which yon can easily renew when required.
For H u,ne onl y. we "1U fiive throe «rtrx drr
OptUUl V1IC1 • cells—practically a year s supply—free with each bat*
tery. tipou receipt of coupon printed below.
you will enjoy the delightful effect of Hie electrical current, whether yon
use the battery for face massaging—with the electric hair brush to correct
scalp troubles and promote beautiful hair—as a general tonic treatment—or In
any of the many ways described iu our Instruction Manual for specific needs
Life will tile on new beantles when you feel the vital blood of health
coursing strongly through your veins.
Send in your order for the "Home" Battery to-day. Don’t wait a m*nute*
You can't afford to delay.
This Is your opportunity to renew your strength and vigor, your op
portunity to become physically fit, to step out from the weakling class, and
be a winner.
Give yourself a elm nee. Act now Only $5.00 for the complete outfit
- your passport to health.
Western Merchandise & Supply Co.
326 West Madison St., Near Market St. CHICAGO'
'"A*.-- ■-■pf; R ack 1£ Day
; IA A:J • - . 1; Trial Coupon
This coupon, with $5.00,
entitle* you to one Home
Health and Beauty Bat
tery, complete, (including
tWe extra dry ceils free'
shipped prepaid Try it
ten clay?. If not entirely
ratified at the end of that
time, your $5.00 will be
promptly refunded upon
return of machine.
This offer is made for •
muted time only.
coupon to-day.
Name.