Newspaper Page Text
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Little Bobbie’s
Pa
“May Flowers
99
Copyright. 1913, Na. tonal Nnwa Ass n.
By NELL BRINKLEY a*
— , (#r
By WILLIAM F. KIRK.
P A took me fishing yesterday. It
was a beautiful day wen we
started out & Pa sed it wav
jest the kind of a day to catch a lot of
fish.
Doant you think you ought to take
a guide, deerest. sed Ma. You know
we are strangers to this seckshun <&
you mite not be abel to find the right
places to fish. My father used to al
ways taik a guide with him wen he
went fishing in a strange country. He
was always afrade that he mite git
lost.
Thare is no danger of you losing me
that eesy. said Pa. Doant you worry
about that.
I know thare is no chanst to lose
you. sed Ma, but I shud hate to lose
lit tel Bobbie. Pleese taik a guide.
Thare is no danger around this
open country, sed Pa. we doant need a
guide; cum on, Bobbie. Doant fergit
to hang onto that lunch. We will
need it by noon.
He Got Tired.
After we had walked for about two
hours I began to git kind of tired & I
cud see that Pa w r as gitting tired, too.
How far is this stream? I avked Pa.
I doant want to walk all day. It cant
be very much further, said Pa. The
man at the hotel toald us to keep
walking thru this patch of hard wood,
due north, till we cairn to a big pine
tree and then to go about two miles
thru a spruce patch until we cairn to
the stream. Bobbie, sed Pa, -doant
you hear a littel trout stream purling
anywhere?
No, I sed. & I am lissening as hard
as T can.
Doant you hear any kind of a
stream purl at all? sed Pa
No. I sed, not any kind of a stream,
* I aint going to walk much further,
eether.
Then Pa beegan talking to me about
one time wen he took sum frends
along trout fishing in upper Mishigan.
Thay all thot f was lost, sed Pa.
Thare was two ladies in the crowd &
thay was the bravest in the party.
The men looked awful worried, sed
Pa; thay kep telling how we was up
aggenst it. but the ladies jest kep on
luffing and cheering thare husbands.
Thay had perfeck faith in me beekaus
I herd one of them tell the other that
I looked so self-reliant that she wud
trust me anyware to keep peepul from
danger. Yes, sed Pa. those ladies
trusted me & thare faith in me was
justified. Presently we cairn to our
destination. Pa. sed. & the ladies sed
thay felt like hugging me.
I cud see that Pa was talking kind
of absent-minded beekauv ail the time
he was talking he kep looking around
in the woods & I knew he dident
know his way.
Jest then Pa sed Bobbie, Bobbie, i
hear it, I hear it. It is the sound of
running water that I hear. Dident I
tell you. Bobbie?
They Hear It.
Sure enuff, I herd the running
water, too, so both of us began to
walk faster toward a cleering. After
we git to the brook. Bobbie, sed Pa,
we will arrange our tackel & go after
the speckled buties.
Jest then we cairn out into the
cleering ware we had herd the run
ning water & Pa & me neerly fell
over. We was bapk to the littel hotel
from vvich we had started out from.
We had went in a cirkel. Ma was
setting on the porch grinning at Pa, &
the s«ound of the running water was
water cumming- from a hose. The
hired man was washing the barn.
Now Ma calls Pa Isaak Walton.
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The Professor
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Uncle’s Sporting Trophies.
Tom Brown and Jack Smith had
been schoolmates together, but, as
often happens, had drifted apart dur
ing the years that followed. Then,
q'uite accidentally, they met again one
day, and somehow the conversation
turned to the subject of athletics.
“Let me see!” said Brown. “You
never came across my brother, did
you? He's a fine runner, you know.
Why, only last week he won a gold
medal in a Marathon race."
“Ah!" said Smith, raising his eye
brows in genuine admiration. Then,
a faint smile playing around his lips,
he added: “And did I ever tell you
about my uncle?’’
“Don’t think so,” replied Brown.
"Well in his day, not only did he get
a gold medal for five miles, and one
for ten miles, but two sets of carvers
for cycling, a silver medal for swim
ming, two cups for wrestling, to say
nothing of badges for boxing and row
ing.
“You see," Smith continued, while
his friend sat speechless with amaze
ment, “the uncle in question kept a
pawnshop.’’
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Her Love For Romance
A HUMOROUS STORY.
- : -■ ^
A S a little girl Albertine always
sat in the chair in the farthest
corner when she went to chil
dren’s parties. She had a meek, pret
ty little face, abundant yellow hair
and large, appealing blue eyes that
held a shadow of apology in them for
her temerity in presuming to exist.
She retained the modest violet at
mosphere after she was grown up.
Other girls might blossom into dar
ing coquettes and fascinating belles,
but Albertine always kept in the
background. Whenever people looked
*t her they involuntarily thought of
lace mitts and hoopskirts and curt
seys. They felt that Albertine should
Lc put under glass.
This being the case, it was aston
ishing that down in her secret heart
Albertine had a fierce love of the dar
ing. the wild and gay and the ex
treme. When she picked out a dre^s
design she always chose the rankest,
most alarming atrocity. The dress
maker said, “Oh, certainly!” and th-n
proceeded to modify the pattern to
suit A bertine’s appearance.
She Suspected.
Things had a way of drooping on
her in o-ld-fashioned lines. She want
ed to look frightfully smart and
somehow she never did. Secretly she
suspecti d the dressmakers, but she
never df red accuse them.
It was the same way when it cam.?
to the young men. Let a perfectly
steady, sober youth w f ho earned a
regular salary and was good to his
mother come her way and Albertine
raised her little nose and <fniffed. She
simply could not see him. She ad
mired extravagantly the sort of young
man who dashed down the street
wearing crimson silk socks and a tm
to match and the latest cry in waist
coats, and if he was followed by a
bulldog so much the better. If peop’.e
raised their eyebrows and coughed dis
creetly when his name was mentioned
it made the situation perfect.
Albertine always felt loftily then
that she was an experienced, worldly
wise person and the eyebrow raisers
were narrow provincials. Usually the
bulldoggv young man never pro
gressed in the acquaintance further
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♦han raising his hat and casting an
entrancing smile at her; but Albertine
was satisfied with just adoring him
from a distance.
Her family was quite alarmed when
she fell in love with Harry Jungles,
because Harry always was in debt
and worked only semi-occasionally,
and Albertine’s relatives had a great
deal of money. Harry seemed awake
to this fact, for he actually called on
Albertine and talked poetry to her in
'he parlor in low, rich tones, and told
her how the world misjudged him.
Albertine went so far as to powder
her already white nose and her moth
er caught her once using an eyebrow
pencil. It was much the same is
though an Easter lily had begun to
rouge. The situation was saved, how
ever, by the Sheriff's removing Harry
for forgery, and after that Alhertin?
wore what she thought was a heart
broken expression and thought she
% hrew into her face deep lines of ex
perience and suffering
After Harry several others of the
same kind followed. Therefore, hav
ing long hovered over Albertine .n
fear that she would do some fo »l
thing and spoil her life, her family
'vas entranced when she became en
gaged to Jeffrey. It all happened soi
suddenly that one was scarcely aware
Jeffrey was on earth before he vn ••=
introducing himself as the future son-
in-law and brother.
Jeffrey was absolutely as nearly
perfect as he could be for Albertin
Liberal-minded people might say he
erred on the side of rigidness an 1
propriety and possible narrowness
but one felt that he would always he
at home at fi o’clock sharp for dinn?r
and that Albertine never would have
to hang out of the front window try
ing to distinguish whether it was
wavering down the street at 1 o'clock
in the morning. Jeffrey choked at the
sight of a ciearette. wouldn’t * e
caught dead at a dog show and said
his w'ife never should be permitted *o
wear decollete gowns in the evening.
What She Said.
The more people considered the
matter the more inexplicable it be
came. Finally her dearest friend flat
ly «9ked Albertine to explain Jeffrey's
attractions.
“You see, - ' said the dearest friend,
“with your ideas I can’t understao !
j how you happen to fail in love with
* Jeffrey, of all men.”
“Of all men!” echoed albertine in
pitying astonishment. “Why, I’ll leli
you. Susie—because I recognized ai
once that Jeffrey is th*' most sophisti
cated sort of person. He’s such a man
of the world. I can’t abide th. si*
goody-goody men!”
BIT THEN Spring comes laughing by vale and hill,
» V By' windflower dancing and daffodil,
Sing stars of morning—sing morning skies,
Sing blue of speedwell, and my love s eyes,
And gay birds gossip the orchard long.”
1
n
le Change in George
Cleek of the Forty Faces
By T. W. HANSHAW.
said Professor J. Had-
enafleld Joy, “I used to be a
vegetarian my self. I have
seen the time when a big porterhouse
steak or a fat and lean slice of ham
made me tear my hair, realizing how
barbarous is man. Broiled spring
chicken made me grate my teeth in
rage.
’ Not only was I vegetarian, hut I
was one of those who follow along
lines of the most extreme differentia
tion. I couldn’t eat pieplant tops or
white oak bark, just because* they
were vegetable substances. I special
ized in cocoa nuts.
I bought a hundred 1 tine, fresh nuts.
These I put in a cool and shady place,
*nd thereupon discarded all allegiance
to such foods as have dwarfed' man’s
noble intellect. My family ate as
usual. |
“When morning dawned on my first
day of real liberty I got a handsaw’
and sawed off the top of a nut. Then
I drank of the life-giving fluid in
side. After that I proceeded t<> feast
on the meat of the nut, as my distant
ancestors had done. When I started
for the laboratorv I took a fine nut
under my arm and tried to walk in
my usual heavy and methodical stride.
It was r.o use. I felt like hopping
along.
A Deep Longing.
'Person* whom 1 met addressed me
as ‘professo*,’ hut with a gaze too hu
man to suit me. I found myself look
ing up into trees with a vague, deep
longing. It was as though I had in
herited something that had been 'hid
den in my soul's archives all my life.
1 arrived at the laboratory with my
emblem of liberty still under my arm.
The rude and thoughtless experiment
alists looked and talked as they talk
who are in a stpte of mental slavery.
luncheon made me want to run
up and down the halls and passages
and climb the posts.
“This glorious life lasted for a week.
•>ne night Mrs. Joy had to take a
broomstick and punch me down from
the picture railing, where I was try
ing to pass < he night. The next day I
ould nt resist the temptation to climb
tree when I had started to conduct
my daily investigation of life’s solemn
facts at the laboratory. A cocoanut
was under my arm. Presently there
came speeding along a very big man
in a very big automobile. I landed the
'ocoanut on his head with a-precision
that I had never learned. In another
instant my man wta s shaking my
perch as if he were a concentrated
earthquake. All the Joys swarmed
around the tree. Mrs. Joy shrieked:
’Don't hurt him—he's been living on
coeoanuts! ’
The End of It.
' Turned back into a monkey, has
he?' said the man. I've been living
on raw' meat, and if I get my hands
on him I’ll eat him!’ Then he de
parted.
“AH the Joys got hold of me and
took me back to the dining room and
eated me at the table. Soon there
vas spread before me a repast con
sisting of one porterhouse steak, on-*
si ice of ham. three slices of bacon and
a few' other things. I could scarcely
walk when I started to work.
“Henceforth give me a full dinner
I of real food or cut down the trees.”
Copyright by Doubleday, Page & Co.
TO-DAY’S INSTALLMENT.
((rpHANKS, very much. I'm ha?-
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W"'
HEN I first noticed the
hange in George.” said
the blond woman, who was
no bigger than a minute, “I thought
it was indigestion. It is perfectly
wonderful how much a man's liver ita
responsible for! But when I men
tioned the doctor he was quite violent.
In fact, he was rude and stamped
around. It is hard on the rugs when
a man acts that way.
“‘Don’t roar at me, George!’ 1 told
him.
“ I’ve got to!' he said in a regular
Bengal tiger sort of way. ‘I’ve got
to in order to maintain my supremacy
in the home!’
“Now, George has always been such
a perfect gentleman and so mild that
you may well imagine that I was
amazed. ‘See here, George Guesser!'
I said to him. Tell me at once what
you mean!’
‘‘Thie Was Different.”
“George frowned awfully. His eye
brow’s looked like a lilac hedge that
hasn't been trimmed since last spring.
Then he cleared his throat. Tve just
waked up to the fact,’ said he. ‘thut
1 have been taking a hack seat and
allowing you to thirik I didn’t count.
Why, when I consider how near 1
have been to losing your love it
makes me shudder! I Just read a
wonderful article
“’Oh!’ said 1 An article! But
do you believe all you read?’
“ ’This was different,’ George said.
Then he explained;
“ ‘ It was in one of the scientific
magazines, and the writer began by
saying that every woman sits and
waits the coming of her lord and mas
ter and is ready to follow when he
-beckons. He does not woo or be
seech: he takes; he——•'
“ ‘George Guesser.’ 1 said to him,
‘whenever you waste time beckoning
me instead of coming where I am I’d
like to know it! Do you think I am a
little yellow puppy dog?’ My, but I
was angry!
“George looked sad. ‘I see I have
allowed you to get away from me.’ he
mused. Then he roared at me.
‘ “There is never a man brute so bru
tal but a woman clings to him!" ’ he
quoted and beat the air w ith his arms.
That was a fundamental point w’ith
Ihe writer. He said that if the man
cringed before the woman she had
only contempt for him, but that if he
beat her she respected him and
thanked her stars that her man was
so strong. Further, she was com
pletely happy to think that the gen
tleman who had loosened her front
teeth belonged entirely to her. I hate
to do it, Evangeline, but you’ve got
to respect me and look up to me, even
if 1 have to follow that writer’s advice
and beat you! In fact, he says, a
great many women require more oi*
less heating to make them loving
dutiable wives!’
Gecrge Shook His Head.
“ ‘George,’ ! said w'hen he stopped
for breath, Just what is your inten
tion? Am I to understand thal you
are about to knock me down in order
to make sure of my imperishable af
fection? Are you contemplating dent
ing my face for the purpose of mak
ing me too utterly Jiappy to live? Be
cause if you are- '
“George shook his head as if he
were considering something under a
microscope. What a mistake I’ve
been making,’ he confided to himself.
‘Why, Evangeline, you are entirely
lacking in that devotion which is
part fear and which is necessary to
make a happy wife! It is all my
fault! ’
“Right here I concluded that it was
time to take George by the hand and
lead him forth to safety. ‘Darling.’
said I, ‘if you will tell me how a
woman is going to stand in any fear
of a man after she has viewed him
crawling under the bed after his col
lar button or trying to light the gas
with an already burned match or at
tempting to answer his child who
wants to know what there would
have been if there hadn’t been any
thing 1 shall consider myself in your
debt!
" Not wishing to thrust myself for
ward or unduly trumpet my own
worth, 1 still would bet my false hair
that if I ever get hold of that scien
tific friend of yours long enough to
whisper a few thoughts into his ear
he would shrivel, up and blow’ away!
And now’ if you really yearn to hold
my love and affection, go down and
shake up the furnace, because the
house is getting cold!’
“‘Oh. vur-ry well,’ said George,
peevishly, as he headed for the base
ment stairs. ‘That’s the way you
always act when I attempt any real
progress.. Women aren’t scientific!’
“’Indeed, they’re not!’ I told him.
‘They’re just plain sensible! "
ing rather a difficult task of
it, for our friend, the Con
stable here, corroborates Miss Ren
frew’s statement to the hair, and yet
1 am absolutely positive that there is
a mistake.”
“There is no mistake—no, not one!
The wicked one to May it still!”
“Oh. that’s all very well, madame;
but I know w’hat I know; and when
you tell me that a dead man can ask
questions. * * * Pah! The fact
of the matter is that the Constable
only fancies he heard Mr. Nosworth
speak. That’s where the mistake
comes in. Now. look here. r once
knew of an exactly similar case and
I’ll tell you Just how It happened. Let
us suppose”—strolling leisurely for
ward—"let us suppose that this space
here is the covered passage and you—
step here a moment, please. Thanks,
very much—and you are Miss Ren
frew, and Gorham here is himself,
and ''landing beside her as he did
then.”
“Wasn’t beside her, sir—at least not
just exactly. A bit behind her—like
this.”
“oh, very well, then, that will do.
Now then. Here’s the passage and
here are you, and I’ll just show you
how a mistake could occur and how
it did occur under precisely similar
circumstances. Once upon a time
when T was in Paris—”
"It’s a Play.”
“In Paris, monsieur?"
‘Yes, madame—this little thing I'm
going to tell you about happened
there. You may or may not have
heard that a certain French drama
tist wrote.a play called 'Chnnticler'—
or maybe you never heard of It?
Didn’t, eh? Well, it’s a play where
all the characters are barnyard crea
tures—dogs, poultry, birds and th»
like—and the odd fancy of men and
women dressing up like fowls took
such a hold on the public that before
long there were Chanticler dances and
Chanticler parties in all the houses
and Uhanticler ‘turns’ on at all the
music halle until wherever one went
for an evening’s amusement one was
pretty sure of seeing somebody or
another dressed up like a cock or a
hen and running the thing to death.
But that’s another story, and we’l!
pass over it. Now, it just so hap-
pence! that one night -when the craze
for Uie thing was dying out and
barnyard dresses could b<* bought for
a song, I strolled into a little fourth-
rate cafe at Montemartre and there
saw the only Chanticler dancer that I
ever thought was worth a sou. She
was a pretty, dainty little thing—
light as t feather and graceful as ;•
fairy. Alone. I think she might have
made her mark, but she was one of
what in music halldom they call ‘a
team.’ Her partner was a man—a
bad dancer, an Indifferent singer, but
a really passable ventriloquist.”
Ths Expose.
“A ventriloquist, monsieur—er—er.”
■“Cleek, madam—name’s Cleek, if
you don’t mind!”
“Cleek! Oh. lummy!” blurted out
Mr. Nippers. But neither. "Madam"
nor Constable Gorham sAid anything.
They merely swung round and made
a sudden bolt; and Cleek. making a
bolt, too, pounced down on them like
a leaping cat. and the sharp click-
click of the handcuffs he had bor
rowed from Mr. Nippers told just
when he linked their two wrists to
gether.
“Game’s up, Mile, Fifino, otherwise
Mme. Nosworth. the worthless wife of
a worthless husband!” he rapped out
sharply. "Game’s up, Mr. Henry Nos
worth, bandit, pickpocket and mur
derer' There’s a hot corner in hell
waiting for the brute-beast that could
kill his own father, and would, for
the simple sake of money. Get at
him quick, Mr. Narkom. lie’s got one
free hand! Nip the paper out of his
pocket before the brute destroys it!
Played, sir. played! Buck up, Miss
Renfrew, buck up, little girl! you’ll
get your ‘Boy’ and you’ll get Mr. Sep
timus Nosworth's promised fortune
after all! ‘God's in ' his heaven and
all’s right with the world!’”
"Yes, a very, very clever scheme
indeed. Miss Renfrew,” agreed Cleek.
“Laid with great ‘cunning and carried
out with extreme carefulness—as
witness the man’s coming here and 1
getting appointed constable and hid
ing his time, and the woman serving
as cook for six months to get the
entree to the house and to be ready
to assist when the time of action dame
round. I don’t think I had the least
inkling of the truth until I entered
this house and saw the woman. She
had done her best to pad herself to
an unwleldly size, and to blanch por
tions of her hair, hut she couldn't
quite make her face appear old with
out betraying the fact that it was
painted and hers is one of those
peeiHiarly pretty faces that one never
forgets when one lias ever seen it.
To Be Concluded To-morrow.
“Bronson’s wife used to he
your old flames, didn't she?”
"Yes: I was in real misery when she
threw me over for him.”
“Well, that makes you square. Now
Bronson's the man in misery.”
• • •
Patient—But. doctor, you are not
asking five dollars for merely taking
a cinder out of my eye?
Specialist—er no. My charge is for
removing a foreign substance from the
cornea. *
• * *
A man having buried his wife, a
woman of uhusual size, a neighbor a
few days afterwards attempted a little
in the consolation line by remarking;
“Well, Mr. , you have met with a
heavy loss.”
“Yes.” replied the mourner, “she
weighed close upon four hundred
pounds.”
• * *
If you wish to pay a pTetty compli
ment to a plain and ignorant woman
and at the same time do not wish to
he guilty of an untruth, tell her that
she is as beautiful as she is accom
plished. She will think you are a charm
ing man, and your conscience will be
guiltless of a lte
3kcted
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