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IIKARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, GA„ SUNDAY, MAY 11, 1013
3 CL
T SHOUT D WOR K y E* Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
JHLk JmIfc Copyright, 1®18. by the Star Company. Great Britain Right* Reserved.
THIS KNIFE
/oiStcut the
STEAK
T
I SHOULD WORRY
AND LOSE
a^Y APPETITE
f I Should worry )
^ and Eat a foul
^^oVAb s
NAPKIN
SHE WHAT TOO DID Tb j / J SHOULD WORRY
MY SHIRT' ( AND MAKE
WRINKLES
*
That H£N You Soto
, A1E 15 A
Rooster ano
wonY lay ant
EQC.S
^ I Shou lD
VjORRI AND CET
^ The pip'
i You KNOCKED THAT
Farmers cart
L OUER’
I should
WOKKY
GET A WRINKLE.'
<# V
M
ISHould
WORRY AND
^et a horse
/better, be
CAREFUL OR
japan will
get mad /q
JL
mother says she cant
come, she's CJOT TrtS MUMPS
1 SHOULD WORRY
And SET a qlooaa
r.
ISN'T SHE ThE
BRALEN
THINC, 7 y
[ I SHOULD WORRY
AND QET a DIVORCE!
.. .■■■*.. . .— ■ -.««■
" Bill Your wife has >.-1 * vw>.-.,
Eloped with the janitor V andqerathirst
5/ ~
I SHOULD WORRY
XOUR
Tailors
Bill,
Sir
I SHOULD
Worry ano
Have A
Fit.'
j
>r£r^
f
Signs of
the Times
Copyright. 1P13, by the Star Company.
Great Britain Rights Reserved.
W HEN YOU SEE
The doctor making his way
leisurely to your neighbor’s house
It Is a sign the man who lives
there took off his heavy ones too
early.
The doctor and a nurse making
a mad rush for this house, It Is a
different kind of Sprtog sign, alto
gether.
A woman who Is always smiling
in public, it Is a sign she never has
any smiles left for home.
The above woman's husband hur-
ryng away from the house, It Is a
sign he’s going to some place on
the corner and have his smiles
mixed for him.
Something coming up In your
| garden, It Is a sign it Is a weed.
Your wife eklpplng the newest
scandal In the paper and reading
the advertising pages, It Is a sign
you will lose money.
The weather report reading “Fair
and Warmer,” It Is a sign you
should take your heavy coat and
umbrella.
“Return To-morrow” on the of
fice door, It Is a sign the man who
occupies the office is a fan.
A room full of people going Into
convulsions, It is a sign they are
dancing the tango.
A square-jawed man walking ten
times around the square, It Is a
sign he is a fresh air fiend, not a
cubist.
A woman pass a mirror without
looking in It, It Is a sign she didn’t
see it.
A show that you really like, It Is
a sign the critics have roasted It.
A story about police graft, It is
a sign the scene Is laid In New
York.
Two souls with but a single
thought, it Is a sign you should
run along without trying to guess
what the thought Is.
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
fr z
That’s
Sold is
Brick*.
From the Lectures of the Well.
Wild Insects I Have Met- Prof. 1. M. STUNG.
Vol. II.
Atlanta, Sunday, May 11, 1913.
No. 22.
Mutton the
Best Food
Government Cook Books Give the
Sheep a Boost It Won't
Appreciate,
» jl UTTON la bettor than
^ So aay the govern
ment experts.
Mutton tsatee better than
beef.
If yon don’t think so, yott’re
agin the government and your
preference for beefsteak is
treasonable in the extreme.
At this moment a large flock
of sheep Js being mobilized to
march on Washington to enter
a protest against the govern
ment’s declaration, which means,
of course, their finish.
A delegation of steers will
also march to Washington, but
they will uphold the action of
the experts and ask them to de
clare beef to be positively in
jurious to the human system
Our Short
Story
B ANX}!
[Vofc.-—This is the shortest
short story ever written. The
banp represents the shot which
ended the career of the hero. It
is the chockfalest story of action
we have ever printed. 1
DID YOU KNQW THAT-
The Hope Fishing Olub has al
most as mnch flsh as hope?
Colonel Morris tbtnks that
A book of verse* undemenlh ibo
bough,
A lo»f of breed, a jug of wioe,
and tbou.
is poor dope If the loaf Is stale,
the wine sour and “thon“ a
shrew?
Copyright. 1918. by the Star Company. Great Britain Right* Eciorved.
The Grasshopper.
T HE grasshopper, ladies and gentlemen, affords a lively subject for
my lecture. There was a time when the social grasshopper wore
only kilties, and talked with a smoky accent as he knocked a
golf ball over the “Scootch Heather-r-r.”
But he has wandered far afield, and to-day, on any fine Sunday after
noon, our most active church workers may be seen hopping over the
grass on various links, swatting the gutta percha ball over the green
sward and urging the hlgh-baJl down their aesophagl.
Our social grasshopper's scientific name is “Oolphus Fiendlcus." He
garbs himself In gum shoes, flannel trousers, a small cap and a big
thirst. Then, with a lot of eticke In an umbrella stand he sallies forth,
shouts “fore,” and proceeds to play the game.
The social grasshopper Is almost human at times, but not when
he Is hopping over the grase trying to knock the ball clear off Into stellar
space. There are times, however, when he breaks a stick or loosens a
yard or two of turf or foozles, when he pauses and addresses remarks
to everything In general that Uncle Sam wouldn’t allow through the
malls In an asbestos envelope.
There are also female grasshoppers, or grasshopperesses, who or
dinarily look quite attract! ve, but when about to land an upper cut on
the ball they toe in, twist sideways, bow out one limb, knock-knee the
other, elevate one shoulder, depress the otheT and adopt a facial expres
sion Indicative of a violent a«d nearly fatal attack of convulsions super
induced by cucumbers, green apples, welsh rarebit and ptomaines.
The “Golphus Fiendlous," or social grasshopper, is nsually unable
to walk three blocks, from the train to the club house, or even walk
across the street on an errand, but will walk around eighteen holes on
the golf links, hopping along with all the grace and cheerfulness of a
Sicred Ibex getting through a hedge.
On to Washington!
Fish ltve in the water because
they are so fond of swimming?
LESSONS IN ART.
To draw a wagon, hire a
horse.
Suburban Hints
Frogs would never oome out of
the water if they could Jump as
well there as they do on land?
To draw a cheque, open a bank
account. •
To foil the out worm, don’t
leave anything around for him to
cut, and he will soon die of dis
appointment.
A beautiful greenhouse can be
made of watch crystals if you
have enough of them.
Oysters live in the water be
cause they have no Initiative?
Bubbles appear In water be-
* cause they mistake it for cham
pagne?
To draw an elephant, buy a
locomotive.
To draw the curtain—we’re
doing it now on this series
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT.
Never insult a barber while
he's shaving you,
To foil the angle worm, keep
him In a perfect circle, and when
he finds that he has no angles he
will resign.
Should your house be too far
from the station, write the rail
road a polite letter asking them
to move their line closer.
Water colors are not the color
of water?
The Housefly.
E VERYBODY works but the housefly. This social pest ■will stick
around the house and allow his wife to take In back stairs to
dean, or even get a lob In the brick yard so he can stick around
the house.
The social housefly is not afraid of work. 80 far work has never
frightened him in the least except when some Ignoramus makes the
suggestion that he, the human housefly, do the ( work himself. That
always makes the housefly real peevish and he will take to hts bed If
there Is any chance that he may be called upon to work.
This lazy soolal housefly is regular at his meals, fond of a good pipe,
a good drink and a good nap. He Is generally as useful In any home
as an orchid on an iceberg, and as busy as a sun dial during a thunder
storm.
The housefly is a beast of prey. He will capture some good-hearted,
simple-minded girl, marry her, then Bink back into the morris chair
and let her support him.
Swat the social housefly!
Watered silk is not the same
as watered stock?
Should your house catch fire,
it is advisable to extinguish the
flame*,
I.ife in the country Is never so
Joyous as when jou’re in town
for the day,
A hen gets mad when it Is wet,
but water doesn't mind now wet
it 1st
The Cutworm.
T HE cutworm Is a social Joke, it is the simplest thing in the world
to make a social cutworm. The scientific definition of a social
cutworm is a female mob who is not at all certain of her position
in society,
Take one plain female. The plainer she is the more snobby and
cutty (also catty) she Is. Call her Jane Snooks before marriage. She
was probably brought up In a family of eleven, whose father Bhoveled
smoke, or coal, or something, and she married BUI Jones because he
had a pretty good Job driving a laundry team.
Now Bill Invented a machine, say, that would enable laundries to
desiccate a shirt at one washing and so got a million dollars for his
patent. He then got Into politics without getting found out and doubled
bis million a couple of times.
Now look at plain Jane Snooks who married Bill Jones! She rides
about In a limousine wearing three strings of polls hidden between some
of her chin, and she calls herself Mrs. W. Montmorenoy de Jhones.
Here Is where Jane Snooks, that was, becomes a genuine all-around,
all-flred social cutworm. She Bees Mrs. Blank, who used to let Jane's
mother do her washing and so keep the Snooks family from starving.
She looks at Mrs. Blank. Mrs. Blank bows and smiles. Mrs. W. Mont
morency de Jhones turns up her nose, thrusts out her cilia, the top one,
gives an icy glare and—presto—she has cut Mrs. Blank!
Cohen’s Philosophy
By IRVING BERLIN, Author of a Hundred Hits.
Copyright, ltlS, by th* Star Company. Oraat Britain Rlffhta Reserved.
S OLOMON COHEN was writing,
A letter to sweet Jenny Bloom;
He wrote her, “My honey, I love you like money,”
When his father came into the room;
He looked over Solomon’■ shoulder,
And saw him write down, “Angel dear”5
He then looked to see that no one was looking,
And whispered in Solomon’■ ear:
i “Solomon, don’t be a fool,
Remember I’m older than you;
My father before me was wise like a fox,
And his father before him was, too;
Tablisky, who had oommon sense,
Said a stitoh in times saves you expense;
Call her honey, and angel, and sweet darling pet;
Even say that you’ll marry her, but don’t forget,
Don’t handle a pen till yon must sign a cheok.
What you say in the letter you eannot take beck.
A bird In the hand is worth two in the bush,
And a letter in court is worth barrels of oush.
Remember last Summer I told you and ma
I lost seven thousand that day on a oar?
Well, I told her a lie and it eut like » knife
Because I have never been robbed in my life.
’Twas a note I had written to Finkelstein’s wife;
, So. Solomon, don’t be a fool."
*