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Mothers Not‘Press Agents’ THE FIVE FRANKFORTERS
A Nocclization oj the Successful Play of the
Same Name Now Running in New York
Their Married Life
By DOROTHY DIX
fOFTEN think that mothers are the
■ worm pr**s» agent* on earth, and
that they <lo far more to queer their
daughter*' fortunes than they do to
boost them
tactically every woman who ha^ girls
is on a at ill hunt for husbands for them
Khe wants to see them married off and
settled in homes of their own, with their
chopping tickets assured for life To
this end she attempts to present her
daughter# 4n an attractive light to the
masculine eye, and 1t Is the blunders
that she makes in this direction that are
•so appalling and so pathetic, for nine
times out of ten instead of casting a
resy halo about the girl, mother suc
ceeds in robbing her of whatever
'•harms she has
For Instance, the other dav I was
at a dinner given in honor of a woman
from the Middle West and her very
^-.ity and attractive daughter. There
were several delightful young men pres
ent who were Just beginning to get their
>et well planted on the ladder of suc
cess. and any one of whom would have
been a good match for the girl, for they
were all men with futures
But mother calmly announced "Ma*
hel told them all at home that she
was going to New York in search of a
millionaire, and that no pikers need ap
ply." Possibly the speech was Intended
as a jest, hut it was an expression of
a desire so sordid, so mercenary, so
vulgar that it fell like a wet blanket
over the entire company, and. push it
aaide as we might, none of us could see
the girl as anything hut a miserable lit
tle fortune hunter, willing to sell her
self to the highest bidder
Left Her Alone.
"Thgt lets us out. doesn't it?" one
of the young men said with a scarcely
veiled sneer to the other men. "we can't
qualify in the millionaire class by about
$999.1*99.75 "
Furthermore, not one of the voung
men who was invited to the dinner to
meet this girl paid her the slightest at
tention while she was in the city, al
though they would have liked her and
been nice to her. and made her have a
good time had it not been for her moth
er's assertion that she whs in search
of a husband with money. The girl's
most malicious enemy could not have
done her a worse turn than her mother
did by her Idiotic speech
Nor is this type of mother rare I
have known hundreds of women mar
ried to men in moderate circumstances
who made no hones of proclaiming to
any one they knew that they didn't in
tend that their daughters should marry
poor men and hrfve to work and econo
mize as they had had to do A mother
of this sort is as good a scarecrow to
keep suitors away from her da lighters
• s human ingenuity can invent.
The man who has his own fortune to
make certainly does not want to marry
the daughter of a woman who had not
the courage to do her part In assisting
her husband, nor the affection to make
her feel that it is h privilege to help
hear the burdens of one you love, so the
level-headed man. who wants a wife
who will be a helpmate Instead of a
hindrance, keeps away from girls that
have been brought up by such a mother
Nor does the man who has money yearn
to marry a girl whose mother has
taught her to look at his check hook be
fore She looks at the man Even a mll-
i t naire likes to think that he was mar
ried for himself alone, and that the
woman would have said "yei" just as
luickly whether he had offered her a
Harlem flat or a Fifth Avenue mansion.
Another mother who Is a hoodoo to
: daughters is the woman who brags
bout how helpless her daughters are.
and how tenderly she has reared them.
"I never let Mamie he wakened In the
morning I always let her sleep until
10 or 11 o'clock, until she feels like get
ting up " "I always keep everything
that is unpleasant from (lla/lys She’*
such a sensitive nature I feel she must
he shielded " "Sadie couldn't sew on
button to save her life. I always do that
for her. She really doesn't know how
to hold a needle in her hand "Gwen
dolyn has never put her foot inside of
the kitchen scarcely. She couldn't boll
water without scorching it. I don't want
my daughters to work as long as I can
keep them from it. There'll he plenty !
of time for them to learn to (rook and
sew after they get married
Insane Talk.
These are familiar utterances of moth
ers and daughters, and with daughters
hat they are anxious to marry off. too.
sn't that an insane line of talk to hand
out as a recommendation for wives? As
well had a clothing salesman say to a
man. "Sir. I'd like to sell you this suit
of clothes whitfT I ran conscientiously
recommend to you as a nilsfll that you
wHl regret taking If you do take it -to
the longest day you live It’s true it’s
pretty and good to look at. or at least
It will he good to look at until It fades,
which wljl be soon, but It’s utterly no
iccount, and useless, and it will rip and 1
tear at the flrst strain, for it hasn’t got
one thread of genuine wool in it. and it’s
shoddy through and through, because
the woman who made It made it that
way."
What inspires any woman to think j
that a man that’s got sense enough to
he out of a feeble-minded Institute would
deliberately marry a girl who has been
trained to he lazy, and selfish, and in- j
competent, and worthless, and who is
neurotic To hoot, passes comprehension
But mothers go about advertising these
disqualifications for wifehood in their
daughters, and then are surprised Ite
mise they have a lot of old maids left i
>n their hands
Another Mistake.
Then there are the mothers who think
that the way to catch husbands for their
daughters is to pile finery they can't af
ford on the girls’ hacks They think
that attracts men. whereas it scares
men off When a sensible man sees a
poor 'girl dressed like a millionairess he
sets her down as heartless, selfish and
frivolous. He says to himself that Hhe’s
working her poor old father to death to
seet good clothes to flaunt herself about
in, or she’s going in debt for them, or
she's willing to starve the family to
adorn herself, and none of that for him.
thank you. He wants something in a
wife with more to It than a fashion
plate
< if course mother means well. She's
doing the best she can to boost daugh
ter. hut she doesn’t understand her
business as a press agent because it
never seems to occur to her to say that
Sallie is a nice, strong, healthy girl, W'ho
knows how to work, and Isn't afraid of
t, and is ready to help any young man
that she falls In love with hustle for a
fortune. Yet that's the dope that would
<?«* with men
By MABEL HERBERT URNER.
H ELEN’S brown broadcloth suit,
In which she had felt so well-
groomed all winter, seemed
suddenly shabby and dusty as she
came out in the bright spring sun
light.
Although she had brushed it be
fore starting out, she stooped over
now and with her gloved hand shook
the front of the skirt, and brushed
one of Pussy Purrmew’a hairs from
her sleeve.
The things that look so well all
winter are apt to look disconcert
ingly shabby on the flrst bright
spring day. And Helen felt uncom
fortably shabby as she took the car
at the corner and sat down in the
only vacant seat by a woman 1n an
assertively new light gray suit.
As she took out her carfare, even
her brown suede gloves looked con
spicuously dark and dustr beside the
fresh gray kids that held, with an
air of superior daintiness, a gold*
meshed bag.
The air was quite chilly In spite
of the brilliant sunlight, yet the
brown suit seemed suddenly muen
too warm and too heavy. The reali
zation that spring is far advanced
and that she has no spring clothes
is a dismaying one to any woman
Helen had started out to get the
material for an afternoon gown,
eomething in foulard or some soft
summer silk. It would take her two
weeks before she could get it made,
and she needed it now.
She left the car and hurried in to
McCormick’s. The store was crowd
ed. and the silk counter the most
crowded of all.
There was no chance of being
waited on for some time. But Helen
was glad of the opportunity to look
over the many silks displayed on the
counter and draped on skirt forms
over the shelves. She had read and
sgen enough of the new' spring
"Jove!” cried Gustavus. “The sight of an angel flying through the air does improve t -.e prospect of heaven, and
almost makes a chap wish he deserved But, alas! Madame, you must come down to earth and occupy yourself
suitably here by sitting where I can look at you—without troubling myself to move. For I am extraordinarily comforta
ble—considering the state of my bank account.”
fabrics to know they were gayly col
ored. but tn McCormick’s display to
day the colorings were riotous.
Had Nothing Else.
Just why American women should
wear barbaric hues because there has
been a war In the* Balkans was not
quite clear to Helen, and she had no
Intention of making herself conspic
uous for any such freakish fashion.
FVut when the clerk was free to
wait on her she found they had al
most nothing in quiet colorings and j
small designs. "Everything s large
figured and bordered this season, he
Informed her.
"Then, haven’t you something from
last season that is more quiet t -
"We never carry anything over,
haughtily, with a glance that im
plied she must be a most peculiar
person to want anything from last
Daysey May me and Her Folks
By FRANCES L GARSIDE
T
, HR vender of fruit who 1* a stu
dent In that gentle art of duplic
ity which Iihs for its object the
sal*- to a purchaser of something which
Is not as it seems, puts a rose-pink net
over a basket of green peaches, and. lo.
the net gives the fruit the tint of per
fection tlie purchaser seeks, and he
buys
Perhaps those who are students in
human nature will some day discover
that the widow * veil in a similar man
ner Covers the imperfections of the
woman underneath It tones down that
w'hich is immature and harsh, and
throws the softening influence of sorrow
over blemishes that would stand out in
uncompromising unattractiveness were
the woman a spinster
Wouldn't Put It Off
In no other wa> could Dayse> Mayme
Appleton account for the manner In
which meniare attracted bv widows
The life insurance left by the Hear De
parted may sometimes allure, but statis
tics prove that men are not governed
entirely by mercenary motives, the
spinster with an inheritance of ten
thousand dollars standing only half the
Do You Want
White Skin ?
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* e;W.ge<3 an ugly com
plexion Do something Find
the remedy. There is a rem
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have a very dark. coarse,
awarthy looking skin TRY
Dr. Palmer’s
Skin Whitener
There Is no doubt whatever
about ite marvelous whiten
ing effect upon a dark, sallow
complexion, and it makes the
•kin soft and clear
Of course you won't believe
t ip unlerr you try It But one
x wiL show you how easy
it is to improve your complex-
25c postpaid anywhere
tleod agent* wanted in every
Write for terms-
•hance to wed of the widow whose hus
band netted her half ns much.
It la as if the woman who marries
gets the habit, and Daysey Mayme. who
had hoped to be a widow In her next-
reincarnation, concluded not to put it
off that long; she would get the Imbit
now All she needed was a veil and a
grave; the former was within her means,
ind the latter would cost nothing
"There are always graves lying around
unclaimed.” said Daysey Mayme. "I
will go out to the cemetery and adopt
one."
All of which explains wh> Daysey
Mayme Appleton passed through the
vies of a cemetery one morning. Wear
ing a widow's veil and carrying a basket
•f plants and flowers
‘Grief Is so much more attractive
when new." she murmured, selecting a
rave only recently made, and weeping
over n with one eye. and using the
other like a real widow to gaze at a
nan at work in the next plot.
As a gentle tribute to the apinster-
ood from which it had given her means
of escape she planted a border of old
uakl. and was putting in a row of bach
elor's buttons down the middle when
she felt a sudden grasp of her shoulder
lat jerked her to her feet
Gets Patched Up.
"What do you mean, you brazen
hing?" screamed a woman in her ears,
"by planting flowers on m\ husband's
grave? What was he to you?" shaking
her between every word
Tn the wet Us that followed when Day-
t > Veing patched up in a
lospltal. she told in her delirium of try-
ng to plant flowers, though she planted
-eeds of suspicion Instead, and raved
of how the man in the next plot came
• the aid of the real widow and took her
i his arms.
This seemed to hurt worse than the
fractured head and broken ribs.
•'There is no use t& a spinster ever
trying to beat a widow to it." she
moaned.
What Has Gone Before.
Having hacked heavily the peace of
Europe Nathan Rothschild is discon
certed lo find that Napoleon has
burst forth again, and all the link
er’s outpouring of gold for national
development in England will he en
dangered. The banker hastens to
Waterloo There are the English,
who have guaranteed to him that the
peace of Europe shall be maintained.
From a height above the field of bat
tle Rothschild sees the whole of lt
Rothschild sees that the wealth of
the world lies In London, his for the
taking if he can he first on the
ground with the news of the battle
He hurries to London, and next
morning appeared on.the Exchange.
That night he went to bed $10,000
000 richer.
Seven years later a great banket-
left Vienna, another Naples, another
Paris and another London..and trav
eled to a little old house in Jews'
l.ane. in Frankfurt-am-Main. It
was a gathering "»f the house of
Rothschild. Perhaps some king was
very hard pressed for money. "Lit
tle Jacob" opposes Solomon's plan
to marry Charlotte off to the Duke
of Taunits. He is backed up by Frau
Gudula.
Now Go on With the Story,
Castle of Neustadt—and pretty Char
lotte, with her family millions, is a
more dangerous rival than Madame
Georges can ever dream of being. Bo,
Evelyn, your smile of relief when the
red-coated lackey announces "Count
Eyhjenberg" little presages your feel
ings at the drama In which you art*
so soon to he called to take your part.
(>f course, every one was all impa
tience to hear Fehrenberg's news; for
the State must soon meet large lia
bilities,. and the treasury was in a
sadly empty condition. But Fehren-
berg’s first tidings were calculated to
startle rather than to cheer.
forget a pretty girl! "And the moth
er- Frau Gudula. A very genuine
old woman 1 admire her."
Gustavus reflected a minute. Here
was a position calling for a bit of
clever diplomacy.
‘Dear Evelyn," he said, "you know
that I am in great difficulties about
money. Will you help me?"
Evelyn’s great brown eyes grew
lustrous. She had known that the
coming of Fehrenberg would spell
some good for her. "Gustavus, if I
can help you
"You can if you will overcome your
one fault. Perhaps, dear, you were
ess being applied to me. But T have
watched the growth of a common
democratic strain in this age with
which I have no sympathy or pa
tience. Oh, soon there will be no
•lasses In this world. All barriers
are being removed. And the horror of
it all is that the barriers go flown it
the hands of those rulers who should
prefer to perish rather than sacrifice
their privileges. For example—the
Emperor in Vienna has lately enno
bled a family of bankers. He has
actually created barons from the
Jews. Now. what do you say *o
that?”
season. . . .
There was nothing to do but try
some other shop, and Helen hurried
over to Gordon’s. But the crowd
around the silk counter here was
even greater than at McCormick a
riisnlav of colorings and de-
Wbat Have You Done?
horn a century too late You are “Lunch With Me TO-day. ’
By KATHRYN KEY
•P.vright. 1.913, by the New York Even
ing Journal Publishing Company
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14 WBttaHali SV Atlanta Qa.
Evelyn was eighteen and a. Princess
—and a very pretty girl, so one would
naturally guess that her life was a
matter of sunshine and roses, as she
sat Idly on a great stone bench in
the Garden of Hedges at Neustadt
('astle The golden sunlight filtered
in cool shadows through the great
box hedges that towered above the
fountain of the little broken-armed
Cupid, on the sun-flecked gra>s at
the girl's feet lay the gold-haired
owner of the castle, her handsome
Noting cousin. Gustavus. the reigning
Duke of Taunus. But that was only
a temporary arrangement, and alas
and alaek for Evelyn, Cupid of the
broken arm had a clever left hand
and a trusty bow !
So in the pretty Princess’ great
brown eyes there was a wistful light
because Gustavus’ position at her feet
was a temporary affair, as she knew
all too well.
But the little Princess- believed in
being happy while she might, and as
the cousins sat there waiting for the
return of Count Fehrenberg. who had
gone to Frankfort to persuade the
bankers there to bolster up the fallen
fortunes of Duke and Duchy with a
loan of 12.000.000 florins, the girl ex
erted all her youthful charm, and
tried to forget Madame St. George?,
the favorite of the moment, who was
merrily swinging against the back
ground of green and gayly tormenting
her "Court High Swinger,” Baron
Seulberg
‘ You Must Come Down.
Jove!" cried Gustavui. The sight
of an angel flying through the air
does improve the prospect of heaven,
and almost makes a chap wish he de
served— But. alas! Madame, you
must conic down t<> earth and occupy
> ourself suitably here by sitting
where 1 can look at you—without
troubling myself to move. For I am
extraordinarily * -omfortable—consid-
ering the state of my bank account
This was added in a lower tone
he raised dashingly tender eyes to
he littl usin who f ried to accept
ilralv i intru^’on of this ange* on
her brief id\ 11. Better, she thought,
■ hnt Fehrenberg should return now
dlacuss the details of tho-c t re-
ma business arrangements trim (hat
e Should nave to isten to
ua’ complimenting 'that” m wn!
v no lyn never gunaaed how Peh-
herg's mirion was to terminate bar
da> -drtam.
jew • Lane is a far cry from the
In eager impatience the Duke asked
‘What have you done. Fehrenberg?”
Perhaps in his great wallet the Count
had concealed vast stuns of money.
Fehrenberg was so clever, nothing
was impossible where he was con
cerned.
Fehrenberg answered; "I have In
vited the Frankfort Jews to lunch
with you to-day. And they are com
ing.”
There was a very expressive silence
for a few moments.
"They are coming here—to lunch—
tO-day? HeAvbns!" The Duke strug
gled to grasp the magnitude of this
strange departure from the custom
and feeling and precedent of centu
rios Five Jews front Jews’ Lane to
lunch with the reigning Duke of Tau
nus! But royal blood must fit one
to face any situation.
"Seulberg." said the prince, "may 1
ask you to give orders to the steward
to be ready for the caravan* when it
arrives?"
"And now. you poor devil. vou
must have had a miserable time
yesterday Tell me all about it."
"1 was far front miserable. First
the walk through Jew’s Lane was in
teresting 1 met vStranger persons
than 1 have ever encountered
elsewhere." answered Fehrenberg
thoughtfully. "And here our great
court bankers have their home-
here they always meet when they
have important ventures to discuss
1 think they must consider us a mat
ter of grave concern, or they would
not have come from the four corners
of Europe to consider us."
He Has a Pretty Daughter.
Gustavus laughed "You lay too
much stress on the importance of
saving a duchy, Fehrenberg. This
family gathering would have been
called in any case to discuss the new
barony. Was Solomon from Vienna
there, and what did hq have to say?
I knew him he has a very pretty
daughter."
"He seems to be their leading
spirit but he said very little, though
his manner was cordial."
“Oh. yes." said the duke, little
dreaming that the man he was so
idly discussing had already perfected
plans for annexing a greater title
than "barin." "Oh. yes. Solomon’s
manners are so serenely easy and as
sured that they almost appear to be
good. But nothing matters so that
we get what we want from them ”
And Gustavus did not reckon how
very much these clever bankers might
want from him.
"1 invited them here, so that we
might the more easily get What we
want’ from them. They will feel out
of their element in Neustadt, and not
quite sure of themselves perhaps In
their own offices they have us at a
disadvantage. But here who knows
what may be accomplished ?’’
A Very Clever Prophecy.
Which was. indeed, a very clever
prophecy on the part of Count Feh
renberg.
"What we propose to accomplish.
Fehrenberg. is to set these Jews to
work at their proper* business- finan
cing a reigning prince But you said
you had invited the ladies of the
family. How many are there?"
"The pretty girl. \Vhtfm it pleased
your highness to remember." As if.
indeed. Gusta\us ever Svas pleased to
very different from
Georges,” ventured
conservative, old-fashioned, maybe.”
The girl’s bright face faded from a
rose glow to a gray twilight of color,
and Gustavus, who never failed in his
perception of the feminine mood,
added: "But that is, after all, the
fashion 1 most admired."
I Am Very Different.
"But i
Madame
Evelyn.
"And yet she Is delightful, too—in
her way."
"J could never amuse you as she
does." mused the girl, but with world-
old guile, she leaned very close, her
white throat pulsing softly, her white
arm close, close to Gustavus on the
old gray stone bench. The duke
glanced idly toward the swing where
Madame St. Georges had found an
other “court swinger" in Count
Fehrenberg. Then he raised his
cousin’s little pink palm and kissed
it very gently
"You could interest me as she could
not. And T think you can do some
thing for me that no one else at all
could do. My Frankfort friends are
going to put my money difficulties
right for me. and you can help me
greatly by being polite to them."
“< >f course T will." said Evelyn,
softly "That is so little to do for
you. Gustavus
"Thanks kind little cousin." Gus
tavus kissed the little hand again.
A Coach Has Arrived.
"A traveling coach has just ar
rived." called Fehrenberg.
The duke smiled a bit cynically at
the eager girl by his side. "The
Frankforters! Your duties begin
promptly, Evelyn!”
But it was not the Frankforters at
all. for instead of those simple folk,
the lackey announced. "Their High
nesses the Prince of Klausthal Agor-
da. the Princess, the Canon of
Rouen."
Even Gustavus was shaken from
his reserve ard from "kingly dig
nity," and exclaimed in dismay
That old High and Mighty and his
retinue—to meet a family of bankers.
What on earth will happen? T must
go to them—”
But it was too late for any diplo
matic measures; for the garden was
already taken possession of by a
stately and magnificently attired man
of 50, followed by a beautiful young
woman in her early thirties, and by a
black-robed canon.
"My dear Gustavus." said the man.
with much ceremony, “we were told
you were in the garden, so we came
to you quite without ceremony. You
will forgive us?”
"It is most kind of you." said GuC
tavus. But he as visioning one of
the least successful luncheons that
had ever graced the haMs of Neustadt.
Gustavus had found the situation
sufficiently' embarrassing before it
was so clearly defined, but this pra*
tion and the sound of a postillion s
horn just at the close of lt made him
feel as if the power of words was a
very inadequate thing.
"You can imagine what we are
coming to,” concluded the Prince
with a flourish.
"My imagination is thoroughly oc
cupied with the anticipation of what
is about to happen when those very
barons of whom you speak so feel
ingly appear upon the scene, as they
will surely do at any moment. They
have accepted an Invitation to lunch
with me here to-day!”
The Princess of Klausthal-Agorda
rose in great agitation. Every little
fluted ruffle on her traveling gown of
soft gray taffeta was aflutter in in
dignant amazement. To lose a throne
and to be compelled to lunch with
these Jewish bankers all in one day
was too much for any pretty aristo
crat. Join the bourgeoisie at one*
and be done with it, she thought.
Poor, guilty Feherenberg! "I fancy
we heard their coach just now." h®
said in tone of great deprecation.
Gustavus addressed the agitated
Princess: "I trust that you will not
feel obliged to run away?”
The Prince was quite equal to the
occasion:
"No! No! 1 have business deal
ings with these people and intend to
see them in Frankfort. I have never
had the pleasure of meeting them—
socially. But it will be convenient—
and interesting to me—to see them
no w—away from their natural sur
roundings. We w'lll gladly stay to
luncheon.”
And there was nothing else for the
wife of the Prince of Klausthal-
Agorda to do; so she acquiesced with
what grace she could summon.
and the display of coloring!
signs fully as spectacular.
The counters were covered with a
confusion of bolts, which the
rushed salesmen had not had time to
put back. As Helen glanced over
these she started joyfully. H ® r ® Bt
last was just what she *
dull pastel blue foulard with a tiny
Indistinct white figure.
The bolt was underneath several
others, but on the exposed end was
marked the width and price— 42 in.
$3 00.” It was more than Helen "’an*'
ed to pay, but all the silks were high
this spring, and she was so relieved
to find something quiet amid this
glaring effulgence of color that the
words ”91x yards of this, please, hov
ered on her lips. .
She looked impatiently up and down
the counter, but every clerk had a
customer with two or three others
waiting. Her chances were Just as
good with the clerk nearest her. A
woman who had been waiting for
this same clerk now got up from the
seat beside Helen with an audible:
“Well. 1 can’t wait any longer.’
Helen quickly took the seat, glanc
ing up at the clerk to remind him she
was next. But the customer he was
now serving, an excessively stout
woman, with huge dangling pearl
earrings, was plainly taking her time.
"No this isn’t quite what I wanted,”
as she held up a fold of green and
red flowered foulard. "Haven’t you
something else in these same shades
but not quite so dark?”
that clerk she would ha.v* -screamed
But the clerk, with ah imperturbable
face, took the bolt to the light, brought
it back and gazed expressionless into
space, while the woman began again
to pull over all the other silks.
•You didn’t show me that, did you?"
pointing to a piece tha clerk next to
them was showing.
That’s taffeta, madarh You eatd
you wanted only foulard."
“Well, of course, if I can’t get trhaA
I want in foulard I may have to talao
taffeta. Let me see what you have,
anyway.”
By this time Helen felt that she
herself wanted to shriek, yet with a
perverse curiosity she was deter
mined to see it through.
With divine patience the clerk now
brought out bolt after bolt of taffeta.
When he finally said "That is all w#
have in taffetas, madam.” she again
went back to the foulards. To have
room to show the taffetas he had put
some of the foulards away. These
he got out once more.
“Well. I really don’t think any of
those are exactly what I want. But
you can give me a sample of thta
And yes—I'll take one of thia, too. Oh,
thank you.”
And she walked off serenely.
With the same expressionless face
the clerk turned to Helen
“I’ll take six yard® of this, please.**
The astonishingly brisk curtness of
Helen's voice was due both to her
tenseness and to a perverse desira
to emphasize the swiftness of her
decision She hoped the other woman
heard her.
“Yea. madam,” in grateful appre
ciation as he pulled out the bedt.
But to Helen’s horror, when she
saw the other end, she discovered
that it had a six-inch border of glar
ing greens and yellows.
Was Thinking Fast.
She gave a little gasp and stared
at it in dismay.
“Oh, wait, just a moment!” ae tha
clerk started to measure it off.
Was there a faint mockery In h!i
glance as he looked up?
"Have you anything like this with
out r border?” Helen asked, Gmldlr.
"No. madam; but I will #how you
what we have ”
Helen was thinking very faat. Sha
had seen all the other 'silks as ha
had shown them to that woman—
and there was nothing among them.
She could take this and cut the bor
der off! The clerk had placed before
her several bolts and was now watch
ing her with the same lack of ex
pression. Plainly he was expecting
another siege. Perhaps it was* this
that goaded Helen Into saying quick
ly, almost defiantly:
“No. you needn’t show me anything
else. You may give me eight yards
of this instead of six. I’ll cut off
the border.”
U . measured off the lengths and
held the scissors for a moment, as
though expecting her to stop him
agartn. Then, with' a triumphant
S'wish, he ran them through the silk.
The two extra yards had cost her
six dollars, but she had the silk she
wanted. And after that woman had
spent three-quarters of an hour and
then taken only samples, lt w4e al
most worth six dollars to be able ro
say in two minutes: ’Til take eight
yards of thla"
When a moment later Helen paid
for the silk and walked out of the
shop, it was with a pleasing sense
of conscious superiority.
Cubist Models.
’’Well," said the artist's wife ‘Tn,
glad on one account that Reginald
has become a cubist.”
Why is that?’* her friend asked.
Is he making more money than he
did while he was painting real pic
tures?" •
"No; he really isn’t making as
much, but formerly he had to hire
girls to act as his models. Noifr all
he needs is a pile of kindling wood.”
Primeval Reproach.
Adam and Eve were leaving the
Garden of Eden
’’It’s all your fault,” said Adam.
“It isn’t, either,” replied Br«.
“It’s your fault. You ought to h4ve
had us put under civil service wb we
couldn’t be turned out.”
The Fat Woman.
"Tve showed you everything we
have, madam. answered the clerk
with an unmistakable note of.wear!-
HOWTHIS WOMAN
FOUND HEALTH
On the Way to Paris.
"We arc on our way to Paris .o
live there all the rest of our days.’
cried the Princess in great excitement
“But we could not pass your castle
without stopping to wish you good
bye.”
brief visit—for I have business
to attend to in Frankfort this after
noon. You s*ee. 1 have abdicated. I
have seen too much to enjoy playing
Vit being a King any longer on my
etty throne. I was In Paris when
hev got rid of their good Louis "
But—”
The Prince did not prdrose to stop
to consider amazement at his move.
"I am not afraid of the same proc-
To Be Continued Monday.
Up-to-Date Jokes
Fellow Passenger—Pardon me; your
necktie has been sticking out for some
time. I refrained from telling you
sooner because those young ladles
seemed so much amused
Farmer—Thankee; an’ the oil from
that lamp has been dfoppin’ on that
ight overcoat o’ yourn for the last ten
minutes, but every one seemed so tickled
hat I hated to spoil the fun.
Murllla—Who is that gentleman you
introduced me to a little time ago? 1
didn’t catch his name "
Milllcent—That is the distinguished
poet. Mr. Scrawler.
Murllla—Indeed! Now I understand
why he seemed hurt when he asked me
who was my favorite poet and I replied
"Shakespeare."
‘‘What has become of the big man who
tsed to beat the bass drum?" asked the
private of the drum major.
"He left us about three months ago."
"Good drummer, too. wasn't he?"
"Yes. very good: but he got so fat
that when he marched he couldn’t hit
the drum in the middle.”
“Well, let me see that piece with
the purple figure again. No. that
isn’t the one I meant,” as he drew
out a bolt from a dozen or more
others he had evidently been show
ing her. “Didn’t you show me some
thing with a purple figure on a red
and orange ground? Yes. that’s it.”
throwing an end of the silk over her
arm and viewing it complacently.
Helen gasped as she pictured this
ponderously fat woman In a dress of
that silk.
“I suppose those colors are fast ?
I expect to wear it at the seashore—
you don't think the salt air would
fade it?”
The clerk gravely assured her that
the colors were fast.
"How wide is this? You said six
yards would be enough, didn’t you?”
"That’s 42 inches, madam. Six
yards is what we usually sell, but
perhaps,” apologetically, “you might
require a trifle more.”
"This light is so poor to judge
colors by." after another ten minutes
hesitation. “Could you take these to
the window?”
The colors were raw and glaring
enough to be seen in any light, yet
the clerk patiently took the three
bolts out in the aisle.
Helen kneNv now that her chances
for being waited on would be better
with any other clerk, but she w’a?
curious to know just how much more
of this clerk’s time this woman would
have the presumption to take
“Well, this isn't quite what I want
—but T suppose I’ll take it." she mur
mured at length, reluctantly. "You're
quite sure you haven’t anything you
haven’t shown me that I might like
better?”
"Madam. I’ve shown you every piece
of foulard in stock,” helplessly.
‘Well, rix and a h$lf yards of this,
then." in an injured tone that implied
she had been hurried to her decision
Helen gave a quite audible sigh of
relief. The clerk measured off th<
silk and took out his scissors
"Oh. wait—just a moment! Before
you cut it—just let me see this other
piece again. I wonder after all if I
wouldn't like this better? Yet I don’t
quite like that striped effect. There
was one here very much like this
without that— Oh. here it is. Now,
if 1 could see this in the light.”
Helen knew that If she had been
Would Not Give ’Lydia E. Pink-
ham's Vegetable Compound
for All Rest of Medicine
in the World.
TTtlca, Ohio.—"1 suffered everything
from a female weakness after baby
came. I had numb
spells and was
Another Case.
1 .
r 4
/ •»
Th
By BJ
N ,N ."
tat
Fame the
the flist
garden co
sons, dire
Gardens,
Of the i
prepared
there w’er
bfougnt t
wore tigt
and white
ieeds foui
or bend I
•kirts we
tried to I
and corse
fibtain .soi
heeled sh<
They tc
closing h
with ring
fore the s
as if they
They h
the occas
mad day
dressing i
To Regr
A Chief
an ordins
worn by
on moral
the attire
Ice and e
waives,
aspect of
vulgar 1n
as to cau
calling of
The gi
behind a
typewrite
a duplica
of the ga
of wealtT
her autoi
business
the neck,
pumps as
There is
which th
duces in l
her stater
The bla
her way t
• *f wealth
The eig
ered to '
clothes v
high sod;
supposed!
as silly, j
working
the stree
outside c
women 01
Not So
The "ft
divine as
arms an
enough t
hand to
five hund
search o
look. P""* 1
many wc
•uggestiv
than of b
The wc
credited
not poss
dresses i
hibits ma
them.
"That i
in these
cy. “Yo
have an
footed ar
serve as
the war
the foolis
An api
having f
he obtair
Hous
T TGLY c
U ily fil
the mark
soften th<
able; the
crocks an
a. thin kr
lng wood
beeswax,
wood, ar
• cracks w
/ ’
If your
mud ban
close—so
When dr
loosened
penny, a
brushed
firmness,
mud mar
spots wtt
pin
ill! dizzy, had black
jfg spots before my
eves, my back
ached and I was
so weak I could
hardly stand up.
My face was yel
low, even my fin
ger nails were
colorless and I
had displacement.
I took Lydia E-
Pinkham’s Vege-
To rem
mix a th
and with
the mart
by, tk er
and the r
Before
old round
afld fill w
over the
from ris
*nts
table Compound and now' I am stout,
well and healthy. I can do all my
own work and can walk to tow r n and
back and not get tired. 1 would not
give your Vegetable Compound for
all the rest of the medicines in the
world. I tried doctor’s medicines and
they did me no good.”—Mrs. Mary
Earlewine, R. F D. No. 3, Utica,
Ohio.
vo pre
when coc
oughly 01
lt w'ill U
look like
E
Nebo, Ill.—"I was bothered four ten
years with female troubles and the
doctors (Ud not hplp me. 1 wae ro
weak and nervous that I enuld not do
my work and every month I had to
spend a few day-s In bed. I read so
many letters about Lydia E Pink-
ham’s Vegetable Compound curing
female trouble* that ? got a bottle of
it. lt did me more good than any
thing else I ever took and hffw it has
cured me. I feel better than 1 haye
for years, and tell everybody whgt-
the Compound has done for jn*. t
believe.I would not be living to-day
hut for that.’’—Mrg. Hettle Green-
street, .Nebo, nilnola.
Canada,
Eastern
Feature!
let. map
1824. Al