Newspaper Page Text
)
1
TTEATIST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN,
ATLANTA, GA . SUNDAY. AUGUST 17, 1913.
7 E
Women May lie Able to Trim Hat
<2
lit-—
By T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
Copyright. 1918. by tb* star Company. Great Britain Right* Re*er*«4.
A Summer
Resort Alphabet
Copyright, 1913, by the Star Compear.
Gieet Bntaln Right* Reaerred.
A is for "air," the only thing
cheap;
B Is for "breakfast," which
we oversleep;
C Is for "chestnut,” the guests all
relate;
D Is for "dinner” from six until
eight;
E Is for “early," we rush to our
seats;
F is for "famished,” we tackle the
eats;
G Is for "gloom” when we slzs up
the food;
H Is for something we say that‘3
quite rude;
I Is for "innocence” the girls try
to bluff;
J Is for "Jay," who thinks It's
straight stuff;
K Is for "kiss" flirtations afford:
L Is for "looney," which is just fie
right word;
M Is for "money" (you'll need a
big hoard);
N is for "nymph" In a silk bathing
suit;
0 Is for "ogle" (for man is a
brute!);
P Is for "pay," which is what the
guests do;
Q is for "quince." and it’s handed
to you;
R is for "ramble" beneath orchard
trees;
8 Is for "sting” when you sit on
the bees;
T Is for "tango" we dance ev'ry
night;
U is for “ultra," which sizes it
right;
V Is for "vows" the Summer spoons
mane;
Ws for ' wedlock," perchance the
vows "take";
X U for ten-Bpot hotels cost per
day;
Y is for "you," the poor boob who
must pay;
Z Is for ' zero,” ’tis much less than
one,
4 it s all you'll have left when va
ration's done.
To Featherbrane
O’MeiSIy
, ropvrlg'ht, 1913, by th* Star Company. Great Britain Rltfht* Reserved.
FEA FHERERANE O’REILLY, a comedian smooth and
smiley.
Had the other bum comedians looking sick.
From the house where he held sway he was turning them away.
And he had a bunch of sugar in his k.ck.
While at luncheon every day, in some beautiful cafe.
With the manager across the table trim.
Both the men forgot their trouble while the wine went ‘"bubble, bubble”-
That was when O'Reilly’s bankroll wasn’t slim.
|7 RE a year had passed away, our comedian young and gay
Didn't have a five-spot he could call his own;
Now we see our Broadway star leaning on a Broadway bar.
Watching old-time friends go by with hearts of stone.
Bat a first-class Broadway lunch is a dainty thing to crunch,
And O’Reilly thanked the gods that it was free;
There was luscious sugar ham, there was toast and there was jam.
Quite as swell a lunch as one would care to see.
yA NOTHER year had gone, and about the break of dawn
A comedian slunk along an avenue;
Not Fifth avenue, oh, no!—there he wouldn’t stand a show—
Twas on Sixth our luckless hero placed each shoe.
At the witching hour of lunch T. O Reilly had a hunch.
And he marched into a barroom long and dim.
There was sawdust on the floor, tramps came slinking through the door,
Eut O’Reilly's lunch seemed mighty good to him.
WAS T. FEATHERBRANE O’REILLY, once a jester smooth
and smiley,
-And he told the tattered fellows grouped around
Of the house where he held sway, when he turned the crowds away.
Of the days when he was happy and renowned.
Th-n he took a piece of bread (when the bar boy turned hi' tv-ad),
And he speared a piece of sausage with a fork;
Out into the rearing town wen* the jester, head bowed down,
There are many ways of lunching in New \ oik.
^
It's an
iU
Wind
That—
W—-J
Vol. II.
THE MORNING SMILE
Wex Jones, Editor
Atlanta. Sunday, August 17, 1913.
f —^
Doein’t
Lower
the
Temperature.
^ J
No. 36.
“It felt tight ’round the neck.”
Oddities in the News.
More Sum
mer Fiction
Some Frothy and Frivolous
Books for Lazy
Readers.
i BurEiar and
I Duchess," by Elizette
Elbow, Is a charming
little love story. The burglar,
driven to the deed by starva
tion, breaks Into the castle and
takes the Duchess’s pearls.
The Duchess shoots him as he
is leaving the room, and then
nurses him back to health. Sub
sequently she discovers that ow
ing to a misprint the burglar is
not a burglar at all, but a Bulgar
of noble birth. The usual wed
ding winds up the story.
Of a different type is "The
Burglaress and the Duke." The
book Is of a different type, be
cause the burglar in this case
Is a lady with a passion for ar
tistic orlme. The Duke wings
her with a shot, and later they
are unhappily married.
3UR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT
Never try to crack a night
stick with your head.
Clasified Advertisements.
WANTED—Old gold, silver,
money of all descriptions, dia
monds. etc.; given good home.
THOMAS DINGLE. Kirkwood.
TO LET—Empty bottle, suit
able for milk, small goldfish, wa
ter. air, cork or other responsible
tenants. MARIETTA.
Cherry tree in Newark or
chard when tapped gave plen
tiful supply of Manhattan cock
tails. [The New York influence
again.]
In wood, L. I., woman fell In
the well and refused to be res
cued, saying it was the coolest
place she had been in that Sum
mer
Riot started In Irish tovm be
cause a man declared it was
wrong to fight. [It was wrong
for that man to fight, for he
was sent to the hospital the
first wallop.1
Grasshopper in Ruckhead Is
out of a job, as owing to the
scorching weather there is no
grass for him to hop over.
Mayor Gaynor.
Mouse caught In a trap held
the trap over a gas Jet ut til the
spring cracked and released the
j mouse.
i
Our Poet’s
Corner
THE HOBBLE.
A West Endite started down
town,
Decked out in her art nouveau
gown;
It fe:t tight ’roung the neck,
Then she saw that, by heck,
She’d put it on upside down.
—Bob Lafferty.
Did You Know
That- —
Clams are not minerals, al
though found underground?
Potatoes are not minerals,
but missiles?
Business letters differ from
love letters in being less ex
pensive?
Bees make honey for a liviDg
and sting for amusement?
Mars Is 6,000,000,000 miles-
away from Venus, which shows
that Mars Is a stand-offish cuss?
A tunnel under the United
States would cost $17,794,560,-
000,000, and wouldn’t be worth
15 cents?
Soft shell crabs can't hide
their feelings so well as hard
shell crabs?
On the other hand, a hard
ihell crab may conceal a bleed
ing heart beneath his shell over
coat?
HINTS ON LION TAMING,
Have a motor cycle handy.
The Worst Jokes
of the Week
CopnJtfit. 1918. by the Kt-ar Company. Great HrlUln Rtfltit* Rew-muL
I T lo even harder to select the worst Jokes which come In than to
pick out the best ones. Hard Work is our middle name, however,
so "If you have tears, prepare to shed them now."
It Must Be f he Heat.
(IT DON’T get you," bawled the man at the telephone. "Did you ask
'How much are reels?' or 'How much are eels?' This isn't either
a film factory or a fish market; it's the office of the McElroy flat.”
"Oh, well, then, send mackerel. I don’t like flatfish. They always
make me think a steam roller had run over 'em.”
But Why Talk About It?
pDITOR—Your story Is good, but I do not like some of the phrases.
For Instance: "Her laugh rang outl” Who could have a ringing
laugh?
Author—A belle, of course.
Oh, Very Well!
T ITTLE JOHNNY bought a hatchet
And Into the forest went;
Cut his toe and stopped to scratch It—
Must have been an ax-identl
Help!
(IT,TOW, Hopkings,” said the professor, "quit using such slangy ejacu-
lations as 'Holy smoke!’ You know very well there 1b no sucb
thing.”
"Oh, I don’t know,” replied Hop, "What do you call that which
comes out of an incense pot?”
Here’s Another.
((WHO Is he?”
** "Why, he’s the chap who takes the bnn from bunions."
"Say, do you expect me to take that 'for corn’?"
We Didn’t Quite Get This.
((T HEAR that sailors don't like cats"
"No. 1 often noticed that they always had their kit with them.”
And There You Are!
w
HY is a bootblack like the sun? Because he shines. And why not'
Because he gets paid for shining; the sun shines free.
Somebody Oueht to Be an Inmate
|F a lady has a shoe sole made by a shoemaker, most he not be bei
soul male?
A - A