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UEARST’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, CA, SUNDAY, AUGUST 24, 191,1
7 E
If
Some Effective Ways to Get Money Out of Hubby
By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist.
OH QEORqE WONT You
PLEASE TELL WE ail.
a sour the Tariff;
You make every
TH/N<j So CLEAR
THE /N SlDIOUS
THE ARTIST/ C
DoYou Know,Love,You
ARE QETTtMQ BETTER
LooK/wq EVERY-
CAY
THE SuqqEST/vE
>1 r JonE 3 ajujt be
'VAAK/Nq AN AWFUL LoT OT
Hone yi airs -toncs -just
Bouq/rr ANEW ORE S3.
WHY DONTYtU ASK CUM FOR
ADVICE IN Your business
OH DML/NQ I SAW THE
LOVELIEST HAT /FlUC HlNOoW
YESTERDAY/
LE7S TAKE A
N WALK
THE INDIRECT
THE ASTNESS/VE
The Hue A i Ed —
'JOHN DEAR./.ET ME HAVE TEA/.
, Jleftht/ purse on the Piano
1 need Teh dollaks,
and I’ve got To Have trj
Add whats /gore i want t
rr NOW]
THE DIRECT
the: practical.
Cherry Valley
Notes
By OLD JOE BIGGER.
0»Wr1«&«» l®18. tejr lh« Star Onpiaf.
Ur«*t Britan TOgkta
I got Quad fa and oosu when I went
on n pirnto to a Summer resort
with our Sunday School Monday.
When ridln' In one of them shoot tho
shoots rigamayjigs I seen the thing
leeve the track, and yelltn "Remem
ber the Maine," I grabbed a young
girl around the waste and Jumped ln-
tew the water, feelln that wuz safer
then atlokln tew the boat and landia
nowhere, maybe.
Among the summer complaints
what hev struck the women here, so
I hev heerd. Is walkin’ dishabllley,
what they say effect* them mornin'a.
mostly.
Witrty at Sire. Trtman*e c*itokens
what she hatched out In n lnkahatca,
dropt dead with fright When n han
onaa round where they won.
Our druggist sea that since the
girls her took tew wearln’ them
slashed skirts he don't sell half the
paint and powder what he did. He's
threatenin' tew put In n stock of silk
socks.
There's sech s thing ez bein' tew
good natured, ez Charley Maynard
hez found out. Fer the past year
down to the store, enny feller what
wanted a splinter tew Ute his pipe
whipped out his Jacknlfe and out one
from Charley's wooden leg. till now
the thing ain't much blggem a
crutch.
Our White Way and the hull town
wuz In darknezs Saterday nlte. Soma
dern smart fool shot out the llte at
the corner of Main and Spruce
streets
Jest ez Mrs. Burt wus walkin' un
der a hOBS collar hangln In front of
Ricker’s store Baterday afternoon
the thing fell rite round her neck.
Bill Flinn, our joker, sez he guesses
the thing thought that wuz where It
belonged becaus ther’s so much w r ag.
gin' tew her tung.
(T
X-_
It’s a
Hard Life
for All
of Us—
THE MORNING SMILE
(T
Wex Jones, Editor
Except
a Soft
Shell
Crab.
^J
Vol. II.
Atlanta, Sunday, Aug. 24, 1913.
No. 37
Our Great Tip
ping System
Unfailing Method of Predict
ing Results—Every Win
ner Every Day.
H ERE were the entries, for
the Saratoga Derby In
yesterday’s Smile:
Buttercup, Eggshell, They’re
Off.
Plate Glass, Sombrero, Onions.
And here Is what "Winner,"
our famous tipster, said about
the race:
“It’s a cinch for Buttercup if
she gets away in front and lasts
the distance. Plate Glass has
beaten this bunch before and
will do It again If they don’t
show improvement. If Eggshell
doesn’t crack, he’s a certainty,
and we take our hats off to
Sombrero. They’re Off can win,
and Onions will bring tears to
the eyes of his supporters if he
doesn’t pass the wire first.”
And here is the result of the
race:
BUTTERCUP.
ONIONS.
EGGSHELL.
You notice how we picked ’em
Buttercup ’’a cinch,’’ Onions will
“pass the wire,” and Eggshell
was third because he cracked a
little at the finish.
You can’t beat “Winner” at
picking them.
The New Torpedo Des troyer U. S. S. Whale.
Natural History
Owls howls.
The above paragraph may not
be grammatical, but tt’» true.
Bats spats.
The same remark applies to
this. Bata are quarrelsome
creatures.
Oddities in
the News.
Whale swallowed torpedo fired
by U. S. S. Dakota and is now
being carefully avoided by ship
ping.
New Jersey.
White hope challenges Sam
Langford. [Odd part is that he
seems to mean it ]
Bee in Secaucus County, New
Hampshire, got home late sev
eral evenings in succession, and
Its arrival created a great com
motion. Bee now takes its
shoes off before entering the
hive and sneaks in as quietly as
Mr. Henpeck.
Book agent in Danbury in
herited large fortune and now
hires men to come around and
try to sell him books. He
throws them all out of his
house.
IN THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX
A CONUNDRUM.
To the Editor—What remains
in one place the longest time?
Reply: A Long Island Rail
road train.
HALIBUT KOFFDROP.
MEXICO.
To the Editor—Having recent
ly returned from Mexico, I can
state definitely that the Internal
dissensions there are caused en
tirely by hot tamales. At least,
1 know that 1 ate a couple of
tamales and had very serious
internal dissensions immediate
ly afterward.
PETER SPOKESHAVE.
DIMINUTIVES.
To the Editor—Since a young
duck is a duckling, a heckling
must be a small heck, by heck.
ARTHUR THOMAS
Did You
Know That*
Persimmons are named after
a farmer named Bill Simmons?
Plums are named after a phy
sician named Jake Plum?
Tomatoes are so called to dis
tinguish them from apricots?
A plate of hot soup poured
down the back of the neck is an
excellent preventive of ennui?
American coins are made
round so that the corners will
not be knocked off easily?
A hen could quack like a
duck if she had web feet?
Eggshells would be useless if
they were not on the outside of
the egg?
Off Tybee Beach they catch
clams by knocking tnem on tne
head with bathing stakes?
So is a rake, but it can't help
it?
Only a few days are dog days,
but most every night is cat
night?
Speaking of cats, a cat nap Is
a short sleep and a cat nip is a
short drink?
Cats are a scratch lot anyway?
A flounder is unable to sleep on
its side without tumbling out of
bed?
On the other hand, it has a
cinch when it comes to s eeping
on its back?
How To Go Trout Fishing
Copyright, 1918, by the Star Ornipany. Great Britain Right! ilemreeO.
Y OUR vacation i« not complete unless you have angled for the wary
trout.
You don't appreciate your home until you have been on a
troutlng trip.
One of the requisites Is running water.
The water that runs down a mountain without cost Is preferable
to the sort that runs through a faucet, too warm to drink In Summer
and freezes in Winter.
Your equipment should consist of hip boots. These are made of
rubber and weigh eleven pounds each.
For wading In water anywhere from three inches to a foot they
may seem a little too high, but once you have fallen over a mossy
stone in the babbling brook and filled them with water you will under
stand why hip boots are better—they hold so much more.
You can get a nice Jointed rod for $27. Put your hook and sinker
on the line first. As you will do this anyway, it is better to tell you
about It and have it done with.
Then you will find you cannot thread the line through the eyelets
of the rod without removing hook and sinker.
Lay in a stock of flieB that cost anywhere from half a dollar to three
dollars each. They are very stylish. Hook some of them through the
band on your hat so you can gouge your finger on them when you brush
away the gnats.
Then go out arid dig some worms for bait.
You need a fish basket. It will come In handy for carrying that
sandwich and the quart. It also catches In the bushes and slams up
against your thigh until you acquire the spring halt.
N Select a nice, long, cool stream that winds through tangled under
brush and up over great ledges, mossgrown and slippery. Walk to the
stream, joint your rod, fix the tackle, put on your hip boots and start out.
Approach a nice ripple under some alder busheB, thrust your rod
forward. The hook catches, haul It back; the hook remains caught,
yank it slightly, push it, pull it, bend it sideways, then lose your tem
per and give it a terriffic yank, and it will come away, leaving hook
and sinker hanging on the limb.
Wade In and get it. If there were any fl3h In the ripples they have
gone away from there by this time. They probably objected to your
language.
Repeat this half a dozen times, then strike Into the upgrade.
Now you will be all right; there Is plenty of room to move about,
no alder bushes, and soma deep pools.
Just as you approach one of these pools you step on a mossy rock
and fall on your rod. But you cut off some of your line and mend the
rod and proceed.
Now come the gnats, or midges, or black files, or whatever they
are. They are about as large as the point of a pin, but they bite as
though they were seven sizes larger than an elephant. They take your
mind off the fishing for a while, and you sit down to drink your lunch.
Then you proceed up stream, step on another mossy rook and
move rapidly away from thence Into the pool. It Is only two feet deep,
standing up.
But you are not standing up. It Is over your head lying down. And
you are lying down.
Go some distance Inland and carefully empty your boots (the water
will run out of your other garments by Itself), but be careful In emptying
the boots, as sometimes a fish gets In them, and then you are so much
ahead.
It is now time to turn back if you expect to get home before dark.
The walk back would be easier, as It Is down hill, except that the
mosquitoes and gnats and midges prefer you wet and flock about you
twice as thick.
Then, again, the felt lining of your boots rolls up and works a blis
ter on each heel.
That’s all.
The fish?
Why, this Isn’t an article on how to catch fish; It Is designed as a
bit of Invaluable Instruction on how to GO fishing. *
Going fishing and catching fish are entirely different matters.
News From the Summer Resorts
OUR WEEKLY HEALTH HINT.
Don't try to stop a runaway
horse by falling in front of him.
CLAM BAY.
E zekiel sxodgrass says
he’s going to make Clam
Bay more famous than
Oyster Bay. Already he has got
some elegant society people living
in their bungalows, including Adolf
Baumgartner, Isadore Feltstein, Jo
han Scarofotpsky and a man named
Smith.
New stock of canned clams at
Jerrold's genera/ store.—(Advt.J
GLENDALE.
There are fourteen guests at the
Glendale Inn and a boarder from
Brooklyn, N. Y.
Mme. Marie de la Noir, who owns
the Au Fait Massage and Manicure
parlors in the city, has returned to
her old home for a week’s vacation.
When we went to school with Mme.
Marie de la Noir she was Mary
Black, daughter of old man Black,
who was sent to jail for stealing
sheep. Welcome home, Marie,
Copyright. 191K. try th® Star l Yunpany*
SPEEDVILLE.
Timothy Atwood has painted his
blacksmith shop.
Marla Hodgkins has closed her
farm and gone to visit her daughter
until next Spring.
New lot of alfalfa seed for second
crops at Beedee’s Store.—(Adid.)
It is hoped a minister will be
secured for the Bennet Road
Church, there having been no
pastor there for several years.
Whetstoney and new hamburg
lace at Beedee’s store.—(Adi t.)
Darius Parker is thinking some
of taking a Summer boarder. There
never has been no Summer board
ers in our lively community, but it
might not hurt Darius to try.
SOUTH PARADISE.
Nicholas Bessinger has decorated
his barber shop and grist mill office
with a set of eight very amusing
works of art from a New York
paper. These are pictures of a Mr.
MuU and a Mr. Jeif who do not
Great Britain HUrlita ttaaerwd.
seem to get along well together.
Several of our citizens laughed at
them, but what can one expect from
Ignorant people?
TWIN PONDS.
The Twin Pond House was re
ported full last week.
We heard a similar report con
cerning Milton Mudridge, the pro
prietor.
Mrs. Elvira Strong, the famous
suffragette, is stopping at the
Beechwood. We went up yesterday
to see what a suffragette looks like.
We found she looked almost like
any woman except for a sort of
vinegar expression to her mouth
and yearning look in her eyes.
GOSHDUNQUIT.
This is getting to be a very noted
colony for freak people who don’t
work for a living, but only paint
pictures and write poetry and
stories and carve statues and com
pose music.
)
Old SI Bings, who run away to
Canada during the Civil War, is
getting a dollar an hour postng as
“A Hero of ’63,” which Wilbur de
Ciayjabber Is sculping for a me
morial fountain for some town In
Ohio. Old Si told the sculplst he
was wounded at the battle of Ch'e-
paultepec.
Algernon Hemp Is writing an epic
and growing a pink beard. We have
read some of his epic and it is fun
nier than his beard.
Myles Jibson, the artist, has a
model with him. William Hawley
has been a week trying to get his
hired men to mow the meadow, but,
they haven’t got it started yet ex
cept along the south wall because
Jibson is painting a picture celled
"August Eve,” and his model
stands in the mill pond. We sup
pose she Is Eve. but If so It was be
fore the apples were ripe. Hawley’s
hired men was late to dinner three
days last week, just from watching
Jibson painL
t