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BIST HUMOR, MOVING
PICTURES, VAUDEVILLE
The lively adventures of
a girl whose beauty is her
only asset, continues in
The Free Fiction Magazine With
Next Sunday’s American
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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER ISO, 19R!
ATLANTA, GA
Three
Thanksgivings
3y T. E. Powers, the Famous Cartoonist
Copyright, 1913, by the Hfear Oranpa«y.
Great Britain Right* RflMrmd.
BY LEWIS AIJLEN
Copyright, 1911, by the Stair Company. Greet Brltni* Rlphtn Reeerred.
PAY Your
AW COME ACROSS
WfAWOW WHATfouR
— /ttCAMf/S J
Income
TAX HERE
Next:
1713.
CENE—The home of David Plghgter, near Plymouth,
Mass.
TJTE PEOPLE—Pighster. HU wife, who was an English scullery maH
HU non Eera. ITU daughter Sarah. TJU brother Jedro. Jeiro’t wife.
Jrdro’s eon Oliver. Jedro's daughter Mehitable,. Parson White..
Th'e guests arrive, having walked several miles through three feet of
snow.
"Come ye in. Dave’s gone back on the hills for to shoot a turkey,”
greets Mrs. Pighster. (Pronounced "Pig—ster” because David’s father
was a tender of pigs 1n England.)
The guests go in, stamp the snow from their feet and gather around
the fireplace. Ezra and Oliver start out with Jedro’s biunderbus hoping
to shoot a turkey. Parson White goes out and chops np some wood. Jed
ro's wife and daughter put on aprons they brought with them and begin
to help prepare the pumpkin and corn bread and pudding. David and
the boys come back with two wild turkeys. They dress these in the big
living room. They finally sit up to the table. There is a bench on each
side and no table linen.
Parson White prays twenty-five minutes, asking blessings for every
one in the world, from the Kink to the Hottentots.
“It have bin a good year, David; how’s it with’e?” asks Jedro.
"Good Eleven pounds cash by last ship from 'ome for skins, and the
rum I traded to Injuns for them skins cost me not half a pound.”
"Providence la indeed blessing these, brother,” remarks Parson
White, sipping his rum.
"I’m to have a web of o’mespun for a new gown,” remarked David's
wife.
"Such sinful wastefulness,” remarks Jedro.
"He do love to talk,” smiles his wife. "I have had a new gown this very
year.”
From this the conversation drifts to topics of buying fnrs from In
dians, growing maize, and the price of rum. At 5 o’clock the guests start
homeward through ‘ i« snow the men carrying tin lanterns In which a
candle Is burning, the light sifting out through holes punched In the tin.
BE4TIT! map
77/E BEXT/NCj’S
Q-ood/ J
<7ive ME Z Pork ChopsJ/thatll
? TBE
'Here's a
HEW HAT I
Your, wife [
ordered)
/ DEAR x >
//MOTHER |5
> Coming
S CENE—Home of James D. Pyster, greatgrandson of David
Pighster, who settled in Plymouth, Mass., in 1690. James
settled in Connecticut in 1790.
THE PEOPLE—Pyster. His wife Nancy. daughter of a Salem sea captain.
His son William. His daughter Alice. His brother-irvlaio John Pea
body. Mrs. Peabody. Charles Peabody. Emetine Peabody. The
Fight Reverend Dr. "Whyte.
The guests arrive, coming in high-backed sleighs.
Mrs. Pyster takes the women into the parlor, where there la a fire
in the airtight stove. The men folks go to the barn and put up the
horses.
For dinner they have turkey, potatoes, dried apple pies, meat pies,
hot corn cakes, pumpkin pies, preserved berries and cider. For a treat
they have some coffee Mrs. Pyster’s father sent them.
The Right Reverend Dr. Whyte pronounces the blessing, in which he
prays for the health of President Madison. Then they fall to eating
and talking. j
"Tills linen kerchief Mistress Pyster is wearing was brought ever
from Ireland in a sloop this Summer,” remarks Pyster.
“And you have a new bombazine, my dear,” comments Mrs. Peabody.
"It is the only bombazine in town.” boasts William.
"I fear many of our indies are becoming frivolous, what with styles,”
remarks Reverend Whyte. “Do you know, some women wear two kinds of
dresses in a season?” )
"There is a most frivolous dance now, called the lancers. • It is indeed
disgraceful,” says Emmeline.
"Indeed it is,” answers her father. "Now the minuet was a stately
dance, hut this lancers seems to me to be next to Immorality itself.”
"Two goblets of that cider is sufficient for you boys," warns Mrs.
Pyster.
"I would like a sip. mother," begs Alice. The minister raises his
eyebrows in horror.
"Surely you must be jesting, but it is an unsepmly Jest,” says Pyster,
scowling at his daughter.
You HAVE EPIT-OOTY,' Tour LIVER IS CRACKED
YOU ALSO HAVE COMBUSTION OF THE ,
Y\AXU/v\ You HAVE A BAP HEART. 1 f
AMdVou cant uve LoNq:^ \jctiw
HLRE5Y0UR I
Ton of coal
WHERELL I PUT,
|0 PLEASE^
Best Jokes from Here and There
Copyright. 1913, by *h« Star Ompacj. Great Britain Bights R«Krred_
A Day Off.
S UNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER—Is your pa a
Christian, Bobby?
Little Bobby—No’m. Not to-day. He’s got
the toothache.
that some feller declares there be sermons in
stones. Phwat d'yez think av that?”
“Oi dunno about the sermons,” replied the
good man, “but many a good ar-rgument has
coom out uv a brick, Oi’m thinkln’.”
Answer That, Now.
E—Madam, you promised to obey me. Do
you do it?
,he—Sir, you promised me your worldly
,ds. Do I get ’em?
Our Friend, Mrs. Malaprop.
R. BUNKS (In art museum)—I didn’t know
you were such an admirer of curios,
i. Blunderby.
Irs. Blunderby—Oh, yes, indeed. I just de-
it in iniquities.
Indoor Sports.
fiTHHAT is a peculiarly fiery sauce you use.
^ Are you fond of it?”
“No,” replied Miss Cumrox; “but we always
have it put on the table. It is so amusing to
see people take an overdose of It and pretend
they like It.”
A Good Guess.
ANOTHER—Where are those oranges that
*** were on the table?
Tommy—With the tarts that were In the
cupboard, 1 suppose.
Live and Let Live.
irijrHAT are the Christian names of the
** young couple next door?”
“We won’t be able to find out till next week.
They've just been married, and he calls her
Birdie .and she calls him Pet,”
And She Did.
NO why are you writing ‘Personal’ on
* that envelope?”
want the man’s wife to read the letter."
He Ought to Know.
'HIS paper,” remarked an Irishwoman to
her husband as thoy sat at tea, “says
Not Liberal.
PIMS—While in Paris I paid five dollars
- In tips alone.
Waiter (assisting him on with his coat) —
You mutt have lived there a good many years,
sir!
Optimistic.
M ASTER—How dare you whistle like that In
the office, Smith?
Clerk—Well, sir, I thought you’d like to
know I was bearing up cheerful In spite ef my
mlserabls salary,
They Were Wise.
J^IRS. SKINNUM—»Why are you all hiding
from Tommy?
Little Lizzie—We are playing “grown-ups,”
and Tommy is the butcher come with his bill.
In, but Not at Home.
/■'•ALLER—Is your husband in, Mrs. Maguire?
^ Mrs. Maguire—Yis, sor.
Caller—I'd like to see him.
Mrs. Maguire—Ye can t, sor. Ho’* in for
tf/os monies.
Unpopular Son£s
By William F. Kirk
Copyright. 1913, by the Star Company. Great Britain Right a R**wre?1.
YOUR NOSE IS LIKE A PRAIRIE FIRE.
A MAIDEN fair was setting In the home of her old gent;
A millionaire was courting her and was on marriage bent.
“When we are wed,” he said to her, “all labor you can shirk,
I'll have some men to do the chores and maids for household work.
Your life will be a glad, sweet song, sung In a gilded cage;
I’ll let you be a suffragette or go upon the stage.”
The maiden took a look at him, as he was pleading there,
And this here declaration did Impulsively declare:
Chorus:
“Your nose Is like a prairie fire,
It Is so red outside;
I haven't saw one like It
Since my dear old father died.
The man I wed must handsome be
With a grand complexion, too.
Your nose is like a prairie fire—
I cannot marry you.”
*
II.
The millionaire he did recoil before them words 60 true?
He left that maid and tottered down the stylish avenue.
He knew the nose he had In youth was gone beyond recall,
And so he 6aid with bowed down head, “I ne'er shall wed at all.*'
She wed a struggling carpenter v cse nose was white as snow:
She never had no luxuries, and nowhere she did go.
With bitter pangs she thinks about that dear old millionaire,
And this here declaration that to him sb* did declare;
(tamo ©hocus.)
Rut the conversation Is speedily changed. They have a supper of
baked oyaters and more cider. There Is singing In the front room and
the guests drive away In their sleighs about 9:30.
ess
1913.
S CENE—Winter home of Reginald de Peyster, fourteenth
floor Hotel St. Georgcous. Reginald is the greatgrandson
of James D. Pyster, who moved from Plymouth, Mass., to
Connecticut, in 1790.
THE PEOPLE—De Peyster. Mrs. de Peyster. who was Marie Giltmore,
daughter of Qlltmore, the Few York merchant. Hortense de Peyster,
her daughter. Percival. the son. Mrs. Peabody-de Peyster-Montmor-
ency. sister in-law by her first marriage to de Peyster. Courtney de
Peyster, her son. Imogene Montmorency, her daughter. Count Rag
genem, tcho hopes to win the hand of Hortense.
Guests arrive in three limousines. Take private elevator to the de
Peyster floor. Flunky announces them. Butler escorts them to salon,
yhere Mrs. de Peyster greets them as follows:
"How do, so flattered—afraid we are a dull lot here.”
In the library another flunky baa a little pushcart arrangement and
is mixing drink*.
“Not much Bottzer in mine," says the Bishop.
Count tries to flirt with Horton.se and Imogene at the same time.
The ladies go to the tea room, where a flunky mixes drinks for them.
"Hortense, dear. I wish you’d sidestep those rye highballs. Stick to
Scotch. Rye will ruin your complexion,” warns Mrs. de Peyster.
"Dinner is served,” announces the butler, and they sail Into the dtnin*
room.
For dinner they have thirteen courses and five kinds of wine. Tha
butler brings on a turkey.
"Jeems,” says Mrs. de Peyster, "isn’t turkey—er—just a trifle com
mon?”
“Beggin’ your pardon, but as it is Thanksgiving Day to-day”
“Well, well, what do you know about that?” exclaimed the Bishop. “So
It is 1 hadn’t thought Of It.”
All the guests are surprised, but ttiey think it a great joke, and they
take a few bites of the turkey. They hurry through dinner and the me- .
chanical piano-player is touched off. Then they tango until 4:59 a. m,
and go home in their limousines.