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HEARSTS SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, HA., SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1013.
7 E
She Tangoed in
and Turned
Around and
Tangoed Out Again
By T. E. POWERS, the Famous Cartoonist
CotjyHirht. 1013. by the Star Company Great Britain Rights Reserved
Aesop’s
Fables
Translated by the Office Boy
Oopxrlffht. 1918, by the Star Company.
Croat Britain Rights Keaerred
THE DOGS AND THE HIDES.
rtNCT they was a bunch of dogs
chasin’ theirselves along In th'
country and when they got anxious
for some eats they begun to look
around. One of them seen a lot of
hides in the bottom of a river, where
they was put to steep for tannin’ ■«»,.
“Them hides will make fine eats,’’
exclaimed one of th’ dogs, an’ so they
begin drinkln’ up th’ water In th’
river.
“Just as soon as we drink this
water,” says another dog, “we git
them hides to eat,” an’ so they kep’
on drinkln’ until finally they drlnked
theirselves to death.
There’s a morull to this fabull,
although may be that ol’ scout
Asupp didn’t know It Th’ morull Is
that only a fool will try to drink up
all th’ wet goods they Is. Thousands
of simps has tried It an’ they got
“Sacred to th' Memory of’ over
’em. while more llqnlds Is bein' sold
to-day than ever before.
TH’ LION, TH’ BEAR AN’ TH’ FOX
'THIS here Is one of ol’ Asupp’s
fabulls In whltch he includes a
whole menagery. They was a lion
an’ a bear what both made a grab
at a lamb at th’ same time. They
killed th’ lamb an' then they squared
off for a good scrap to see whltch
was to have th’ banquet olT th' fresh
lamb chops. They fit and lit They
must have been scrappln’ for about
twenty rounds when It was a draw.
Both of 'em was ready to take th’
count an’ they laid down, all in, with
not so much as a love pat of strength
left.
About this time a Foxy Fdx come
along an’ seeln’ what had happened,
and also lampin’ th' lamb, he strolls
up. grabs th' lamb an' beats it, an’
th’ poor boobs of lion an’ bear
couldn’t git up an’ chase him.
The morull of this here is that It
ain’t th’ guys what do th’ work what
gits th’ goods. It’s th’ guy with brains
TH' FOOL JACKDAW.
A GINK named Jewpeter sent out
word that he’d make th’ swell-
est bird kink of all th' birds an’ so
th' fool Jackdaw thought she’d doll
np an’ cop th’ honors. She got a
feather here an’ a feather there
oflen th’ ground what fell from other
birds, an’ stuck ’em all over her
self. This big gink Jewpeter In
come to size ’em up an’ he saw th'
swell rig on th’ Jackdaw an’ was
about to hand her th’ prize when
she started to sing. Her coarse voice
put Jewpeter hep to th’ fact she
was only a Jackdaw, an’ he jest
laffed at her an’ handed th’ prize
to some other bird.
Morull—We’d enjoy half of our
singers better if they’d never try to
sing.
Something' for
Suburbanites
By F. P. Pitzer.
Copyright, 1913. by the SUr Oompaay. Great Britain Rights Reaerred.
A LTHOUGH the suburbanite cannot roll up his lawn and tuck It
away In camphor to keep the moths out during the Winter sol
stice, he does gather In all of the cactus plants, rubber plants
and other vegetables over which he trips on his way home from the club
on dark nights and against which the neighbors’ cats have been rubbing
their backs all Summer. By^transferring these plants from outdoors into
the cellar, the latter can be turned Into a veritable conservatory where
the dirt worm can bask In the effulgent rays of the hot-air furnace and
the miscellaneous bugs giggle at the frigid temperature without
The task of lugging In and nursing these plants can be made more
simple and practical If the following Instructions are explicitly followed
out:
The begonias will begone If not wrapped In canton flannel during the
Winter.
By sprinkling them occasionally with beer the plants will get potted.
Such bulbs as anemones, erocusses, jonquils, Illlies and other foreign
words and phrases should wear ear-muffs during the Arctic months. The
electric light bulb Is not a plant and we will pass it over.
The proper way to carry In the big cedar tree In the red butter tub
Is to grab the tub firmly by the old handles on each side, permit the bot
tom iron hoop to rest gently on your right knee, and then allow the top
of the tub to scratch the polish from your shirt bosom. Hold the earth-
filled receptacle against the spot where your appendix formerly resided
and by so doing you can hold the topmost point of the tree with your eye.
Push the knee on which the tub is resting forward until the caver
nous recesses of your cellar Is reached, or until your knee-chapeau uncogs
itself. By tipping the tub about forty-five degrees in your direction,
enough land can be poured into the top of youi trousers to make the
American Real Estate Company thrust a deed under your nose for the
land thus confiscated.
Always be sure to have one of your feet directly beneath the heavy
tub, so that In case a handle breaks the tub will successfully and em
phatically come down on your foot and not crush the fragile flagstones
or uproot the lawn. A bruised foot only costs ^en cents for arnica,
whereas a crushed flagging might require the services of an Italian for
two days at so much per day.
Now, as to rubber plants, never stand them near keyholes. By
slipping a woolen sock over each leaf it will protect them from the cut
ting blasts which shoot in through that broken window which your wife
told you to have fixed about three months ago. Of course, If you haven’t
botany socks for this purpose, fleece-lined kid gloves used in the same
manner gives it a hand-some effect.
It is not necessary to take the plantain, dandelions or jimsoa weeds
into the house. They are well able to take care of themselves.
A muffler can be placed around the neck of the oleander Do not
keep the eactu3 plant too warm, as it might be bothered with prickly
heat.
Your egg plants can be kept unchilled by putting them under the
basement of a feather-lined hen. If you have a steel plant the Govern
ment wlil sit on that in time.
State oak trees, and spreading chestnut trees used by village black
Bmiths, can be safely left outdoors In the winter time.
It’t Easier to
Give Thanks
Than to Give
Vol. IV.
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday, November 30, 1913.
Some One
Cause for
Thanks
No. 51.
South
America
Our Neighbor in the Lower Part
of the Globe—All About the
Sister (So-Called) Continent
Illustrated Slang
“A Fat Chance”
Copyright. 1913. by to* SUr. Company. Great Britain Right* Rasmad.
A MONG the countries In
South America Is Para
guay. The reason Para
guay is among the countries in
South America is that Paraguay
is, so to speak, right in their
midst.
Not having a dictionary
handy, we can’t tell you any
more about this undoubtedly
Interesting country.
There is another country in
South America—the name be
gins with U and ends up the
same way as Paraguay. Not
having a dictionary, as we have
remarked before, we can’t even
tell you the name of this par
ticular country. (It’s an awful
thing not being able to spell,
isn’t it?)
With all the above Informa
tion stacked away in your brain,
you are now ready to take a
general survey of the continent
Beginning at the top end, let
your eye run down to Cape
Horn. Nobody knows why Cape
Horn Is so called. At least no
body without a dictionary knows.
When your eye reaches Cape
Horn, stop. Otherwise you will
Wheezes
Both Knew It.
“Marie," said Mr. Valesburg to his
wife.
“Yes, John.”
”1 have something on my mind
that I must tell you before I can
ever be happy.”
“I shall be glad to hear anything
you have to say, John.”
“It Is hard to tell you, but I can’t
hide the truth any longer. Marie,
I married you under false pre
tenses.”
“You did.”
“Do you remember what it was
that brought us together?”
“Can I ever forget it, John? We
were at the seaside. I was drown
ing, and you saved me after I had
given myself up for lost."
“And afterward in gratitude you
married me.”
“Yes, I felt that I owed my life
to you.”
“Marie, I deluded you about that
rescue business. Where you be-
| lieved yourself drowning the water
i was only waist deep. You were
Best Jokes Among
the “ Vaudevillians”
eWpTrtght. BIS. by the SUr OenpMij Great Britain Right! Reserred.
«|F you happen to see my dog, tie him up. but don’t give him any eggs,"
^ "Don’t give him any eggs? Why not?”
"Because he’s a setter.”
(CnTHY run away, little girl?"
** "I’m in a hurry to get to Utica."
"Nobody ever hurries to get there.”
((MOW do you like my dress?”
^ "It’s too long, Isn’t It?”
“That’s all right, they can guess the rest"
be right over the edge of the
continent and the water down
N there is frigid in the extreme.
Patagonia is down at this end
of South America, it is the only
country there with an Irish
name. •*''
Speaking of Irish names, how
ever, we must not forget the
Andes.
Outside of this, . we can’t
tell you anything about South
America, having, as we men
tioned before, lost our diction
ary.
Oddities in the News.
ouawueiriesi
Pet hen in Woodmere, L. I.,
ever since she heard eggs are
7 cents apiece, won’t lay ony
unless she gets an extra feed of
oats, Owner believes hen was
tipped off by a parrot, as sho
cannot read the papers.
English bulldog sees Its face
In a mirror and dies of chagrin.
Afterward sees a picture of Sam
Langford and comes back to life.
never In danger.”
“I knew it, John,” she answered.
“I had one foot on the ground all
the time.”
Improving-.
H E—Since I met you I have only
one thought.
She—Well, that’s one more than
you had when we met.
Ill USED to do a musical turn, but some one stole the handle.’
<<j^ID you see my name out front? It made me laugh. I didn't know
anyone could print so small.”
MT'HE janitor says you stole Mrs. Kelly’s liver, so we will have to
* move.”
“I don’t know Mrs. Kelly’s liver from Mrs. Riley's.”
"He says you stole it off the dumbwaiter.”
“I didn’t know Mrs. Kelly kept her liver on the dumbwaiter.”
“0
NE of women’s latest fads is cooking in paper bags,. A 200-pound
woman would look flue cooking in a paper bagl”
“O
Solved.
PEN your mouth; I shall not
hurt you—you will feel no !
pain,” said a dentist to a patient.
"Doctor,” exclaimed the latter, aft- !
er the operation had been performed, i
“now I know wlxat Ananias did for
a iivltig!”
(fflTHAT Is your nationality?”
” “My father was Russian, my mother was an Italian. I was born
In Germany and raised In Sweden.”
“And that makes you”
“An American citizen.”