Newspaper Page Text
lmtSi U1MJ K Ijrl A .N
V
the
1 he
on
A Utile Kiri who had a live bantam
pn-sented to her was disappointed at
the smallness of the first egg laid by
bird. Her Ideal egg was that of
ostrich, a specimen of which was
,1 table in the drawing room. One
day the ostrich egg was missing from
its accustomed place. It was subse
quently found near the spot where
the bantam nested, and on it was
stuck a piece of paper with the words:
“Something like- tills, please. Keep
on trying.”
* * •
The Goodleys once had a parrot. <>f
course, it was a perfectly respectable
bird, occasionally, hut on Sunday
evenings, when Mr. Saintly paid iiis
regular visits, it was deemed advis
able to cover Polly with a cloth.
Recently, howeer, Mr. Saintly took
advantage of the half-holiday accru
ing to him through the Shop Act, and
made an extra call on a Wednesday.
As he was ushered in Miss Mary
Goodley dexterously threw the cloth
over Polly's cage. Greetings over,
there ensued the usual awkward
pause, which was broken by a squeak
from the covered cage:
"Well, I'll be everlastingly
said Polly, "this lias been a
ing short week.” .
* * *
In a small country church, not long
since, a little child was brought for
ward for baptism. The young minis
ter, taking the little one in his arms',
spoke ,ia follows:
“Beloved hearers, no one can fore
tell the future of this little child. He
may grow up to be a great astrono
mer, like Fir Isaac Newton, or a great
blessed,”
thunder-
labor leader like John Burns; and it
is possible he might become Presi
dent.
Turning to the mother, he Inquired,
“What is the name of the child?”
“Mary Ann,” was the reply.
Visitor (at the National Gallery):
“Why, them’s the very pictures 1 saw
here the day before yesterday.”
Attendant (dryly): “Quite likely.”
Visitor: “Then the landlord where
I'm staying is wrong. He told me
that the pictures was changed daily
in till the leadin’ picture houses.”
* * *
“Razor comfortable?”
No reply.
“Shave you pretty close?”
No reply.
“D'you think Yale will win this
year?”
No reply.
“Very Warm for November!”
No reply.
“Terrible lire in the city last night,
wasn't it?”
No reply.
“Shampoo?”
No reply.
"Just a little bay rum?”
Still no reply. And the barber sat
down, greatly refreshed. He had just
been shaving himself!
* * *
a recent duel the parties dis
charged their pistols without effect,
whereupon one of the seconds inter
posed and proposed that the com
batants should shake hands. To this
the other, second objected as unneces-
sa ry.
“Their hands,” said he. “have been
shaking for half an hour.”
* * *
Hoax: 1 thought you said that the
man was a musician?”
Joax: “Nonsense!”
“You certainly toid me he wrote
im lodies.”
“1 told you he was a composer of
heirs. He sells soothing syrup.”
At
First Countryman (seeing a letter
box for the first time): "What’s that
for, Tom?”
Second Countryman: "T dunno:
looks like a religious sort o’ thing.”
First Countryman: “No, It can’t
belong to no religious folk. Tt says,
‘No collections on Sundays.’ ”
* * *
He was one of those fresh young
fellows, given to the use of stale
elang. At the breakfast table, desir
ing the milk, he exclaimed:
"Chase the cow down this way,
please.”
“Here, Jane,” said the landlady,
“take the cow down to where the calf
la bawling.”
The principal grocer of a small
country town was chatting with sev
eral customers when a discussion
arose as to the wonderful sense of
touch the blind have.
"Here comes old blind Henry Per
kins now.” said the grocer. “We’ll
test him.”
He took a scoopful of sugar and ex
tended it to the old man.
“Feel this, Henry,” he said, “and
tell us what it is.”
The biitni man put his hand in the
scoop, pa/sed its contents through his
ihrgers and said in a linn, confident
tone, “sand.”
* * *
The Bishop was attending services
at a small country church, and the
young vicar, being very anxious to
show the Bishop how well he could
preach, let himself out, so to speak.
His gestures were frequent and his
voice often rose to a high pitch. At
the close of the service the young
theologian w-ent forward to welcome
the Bishop, and incidentally to ask
bow he liked the sermon.
The Bishop’s reply was: “My dear
young friend, do not- make the mis
take of confusing perspiration with
Inspiration.”
A Scotsman had the misfortune to
get arrested and sentenced. He was
given a bucket of water, a brush and
a cake of soap and told to wash his
cell. So»e time later the warder
Came in and saw the prisoner giving
himself a thorough scouring.
“Here!’’ he cried, “what are you
Ccing? Didn’t I tell you to wash vour
•ell**’
-are, an’ am I no’ wastin' masel’?’
surprised offender
The Weekly Geor
BRINGING UP FATHER
I \!1 i dll 1 ! —ut- U1J ' '
r J, ALVU-i' ' 11
/Tie Trouble Is, Jeff Doesn’t Know One Snake /
i XT'
Cfct- IT NAN (Xf/Wr fir- « . ■
f - _
' , rtT D06,hVY fAfcWCAA
B^e HtuHti.'rnAT TH6
ves-res.^ -mr.
H,VTeR '< THAT
^ r ^ its,
IN JJVyWu'W ** 34 HOURS
YM « WWW* syowach
— - ^
It CAN RECOfcNCLt HlN\ BT YH6
LUkA9 IN Hrb Botr-f nvy
T * g »-0CATeD ANO WITH
TH ^> ** ft L CUT THC NNhJcC
IN Tu^o and PAT Dot
^ NO P OcT
Noiv Te. UBtfLATe
Poor utycC a f»N'
SsSi '
POLLY AND HER PALS