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Evelyn Thaw’s Own Frank Revelations of Her Kaleidoscopic Career Which Touched
Life at All Points—The Innocent Little Beauty Who Almost Starved to Death
Harry
assIon,
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ould nc
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•woman can be and live. 1 could not work—the very figures I
had modelled seemed to mock at roe, as though they were say
ing: ‘‘Aha! what's the use?" I had played my last card and lost.
j\>r the moment I was what Harry Thaw was determined I
ihould be. He had won,
I, a young woman, healthy in body and mind, whose wits ex
traordinary circumstances had sharpened acutely, was out
matched by a crazy man! I, who, at the end of six days of
cross-examination, had retained my composure whiie the mighty
Jerome had groped his way out of the courtroom on the verge
of collapse, was doomed, strangled, suffocated in the grasp of a
maniac who was safe under lock and key!
But was I—was I—was I?
A bit of courage crept back into my veins. The reviving cur
rent grew stronger.
Presently I had found myself. I thought of my baby, and that
thought transformed me from a crushed creature into the type
of the most important woman in the world.
I glowed again with determination. Every purely selfish am
bition and desire was swept away by it. I rose far above my
mere personal self—I was one of those only really Important
women who are able to revive humanity by bringing vital new
beings into the world and -who accept the responsibility with Joy.
No woman could make herself greater than that. And to wel
come the opportunity, at the cost of any personal sacrifice, to
bring forth, and cherish and protect and shape the destiny of
another human creature was to gain reinforcements of strength
and courage that less fortunate women know nothing about.
“I Would Not Tell My Husband My Secret!”
\
I
, sick f,
3 my eel ,
age ha>
Harry' i
m bein
■lew. H
help xn
pt ever
n like
I shoul
led an'
ted as' i
My husband had cruelly stultified me, condemned me to the
galleys of his absolute rule. Well, I would see that this new-
being should be mine—mine absolutely. I alone would cherish
it and find the means to support it, and together we would fl id
a way to emancipate ourselves.
Prom childhood it had been my habit to keep great things to
myself. This was immeasurably the greatest thing in my life.
1 would start on that foundation; I would still share my secret
with no one. And on that basis I reasoned out any problem fully.
‘‘I won’t tell him—I won’t tell anybody.”
I made that determination as much a part of me as my brain
or heart.
"The child shall be mine, mine only,” I told myself. “I’m done
with Harry K. Thaw and all his kin. Something will happen.
Something Will happen to make my secret secure. Some good
fortune will enable me to quietly disappear. I'll go away—
somehow, where no one will recognize me and no one will think
of searching for me.”
Then came an Inspiration, t thought of two faithful friends
in whose hearts my secret would be as safe as though it re
mained locked securely in my own.
As 1 am writing these lines three years later, that estimate
he fidelity of these two friends remains unchanged. From
of them I borrowed enough money to take me to Europe
maintain me there for several months.
le other-a girl friend, an actress—applauded all my resolu-
3 and volunteered to accompany me abroad and remain with
there until It was necessary for her to return and resume
wofik in the Autumn. Here I pay this girl a compliment
ih few women have the strength of character, the sense of
ir, to deserve. My secret was one that was most difficult to
i, especially for her; she was so widely known In different
les to be my most intimate friend and confidante,
le never opened her lips—not even when, more than two
s later, the story tame out in print. Nobody got so much as
nt from her. iShe was wonderful. Such honor, such fidelity,
gift. If you are not born wKh it you acquire it with diffl-
y and at the expense of many hard knocks.
, the m*an* were settled, and only the way» to be con
red and decided upon. This is the way my mind worked:
'he greatest thing that can ever happen to any woman is
g to happen to me. Nobody shall share In my Joy and my
nph—nobody shall know. I’ll go to Khiva or Bokhara-111
o the ends of the earth if necessary.
ad yet—I was still so furious at Harry that when the idea
led upon me that I might continue to receive his allowance
jventy dollars a week. 1 promptly permitted myself to agree
figured out a way to insure the continuation of that allcrw-
> and go to Europe in spite of his arrogant orders to the
rary.
am afraid that the actual fact that I did not now need
ry’s money made my malicious delight in outwitting hto
Dr. Sillo all the greater. What a beautiful jolt to , an
masterful lord!
needed a confederate-but it was not necessary for me to
e my great secret with him. He would be delighted enough
in Forlorn
Poverty and
Suddenly
Burst Into
the Most
Brilliant Star
That Ever
Illuminated
New York’s
Gay World
to "put. one oveT’’ on Harry Thaw. I had picked
him out for that reason. I went to him.
“I’m disobeying Harry,” I said. “I’m going to
Europe for quite a long visit, contrary to his
positive orders. If he hears about it. he’ll stop
my weekly seventy-dollar check—and I’ll need
the money. Besides, the checks come through
Br. Sillo, and he hands them to me personally.”
“ ‘Any more complications?’ he asked resign*
eaiy.
“Of course, I can't ask Dr, Sillo to connive at
my disobedience and forward the checks to me
in Europe. Besides, when checks are indorsed
and paid, they come back to the sender, telling
their own story of their travels.”
“Tib listening.’
“And,” T went on, “although Harry is Insane,
I would be still crazier even to think of asking
him to drop Dr. Sillo as his agent and make the
checks payable to you as my attorney. Besides,
I’ve quit asking Harry Thaw to do anything.”
“ ‘You have a luxuriant crop of hair,’ said my
friend. “Is there anything else on your mind?’
"WiH yon help me fool both Harry Thaw and
Dr. Sillo in this affair?” I asked.
“ ‘With the utmost pleasure,’ he answered, with
a grin that proved he meant it
“Thank you. Very well, then—listen. I’m one
of those women who isn’t afraid to tell a ‘whop-
peri in a good cause. Believe me, my cause ks
a good one.
“I will tell Dr. Sillo, and he will tell Harry,
that I'm going up to some quiet place in Canada
where 1 can have a good rest, away frond the re
porters and other excitements of New York, and
ask him to hand my checks to you to be for
warded.
“They’ll jump at my decision to go into seclu
sion for a while, somewhere not too far away.
And there can be no suspicion about Canada.
‘This arranged, I’ll sail quietly for Europe.
You will always have my latest address, to which
you will forward my checks. Pll indorse them
and send them back to you. You will turn them
in to your own bank and send me your per
sonal check for the amount. In this way Harry
Thaw’s checks made payable to me will bear no
record of their travels to get my indorsement
before being cashed in New York. Harry will
simply think it my whim to keep him in the dark
about my exact ‘Canadian’ address.”
The scheme went through ‘sailing,” Just as I
have described it. During all the time I was in
Europe for the great occasion I’ve been telling
you about I received Harry’s allowance aa
promptly as possible by these roundabout meth
ods. The “ethics” of the matter never bothered
me. I felt—and feel to this day—that “the end
Justified the means.”
So all my important arrangements were made.
But there was no reason why I should hurry
Evelyn Thaw Running Away to Europe in Disguise.
“I put on a long tan duster of the cheape t, most depressing sort and a homely brown hat
I pulled my hair back and twisted it in a lump. Then I took a black make-up pencil and lined my
face. And I put on spectacles and a veil. I was hideous. My own mother wouldn’t have recog
nized me. Now you Can picture me as, with a shabby bag in my hand, I scrambled up the gang
plank with my girl friend marching before me.’’
away. My spirits were restored and my happiness and exultation
greater than I can describe. 1 was looking extremely well—never
better.
I went about everywhere—to the theatres, to my favorite
restaurants after the performance, enjoyed the society of my
old friends freely.
“How well you are looking, Evelyn!”
That became a stereotyped remark. It didn't seem to me that
I had a care or worry left.
And it was all because of my baby.
Harry, having gained his point—as he supposed—was keeping
quiet and improving, so I heard, through the health-restoring
opportunities afforded to all well-behaved prisoners at Mattea-
wan. I was not hearing from him at all, direct—except in the
way of the weekly check. I didn’t care to hear in any other way.
As for the Thaw family and the Thaw lawyers, they no longer
meant anything to me—no more than I meant to them.
But I didn’t allow my restored spirits and my sense of per
sonal triumph to lure me into recklessness. 1 was careful not
to take any real risk of my secret being discovered.
So the time presently came for me and my loyal girl com
panion to arrange the details of our mysterious “getaway”—as
the bright young men in Mr. Jerome’s office would have called it.
I had no fear of any sort of Thaw espionage. They were
leaving me as severely alone as was possible. But it was abso
lutely necessary to fool the newspaper reporters. At present
there was no fresh aspect of the “Thaw case” or of my troubles
with creditors to keep them alert. But 1 had learned by ex
perience that detectives had usurped a reputation which did
not belong to them—that it is actually reporters who “never
sleep ”
At first we considered sailing from some port otlhei than
New York. The plan was discarded as Increasing the compHca
tlons of departure without anry real gain of security from dis
covery.
A small, obscure vessel slipping away from an unfrequented
pier? Plan discarded as the very way to focus the “limelight”
upen passengers that had anything mysterious about them.
One of the biggest, new sbi-day steamshiips. casting off from
the most crowded North “River pier? A multitude of boarding
passengers, and another crowding, pushing multitude seeing
them off, with no eyes for anybody but their friends, wives or
sweethearts?
Reporters scrambling about frantically to keep tab on celebri
ties of the passenger list—no time for mysteries, for suspicious
characters?
“Right-o!” That was the idea.
But even then consummate disguises would be as necessary
as assumed names. No risks!
Does all this interest you? It interested me immensely. After
what I’ve told you, you should believe that I’d rather have died
than failed.
Let what I’m telling you sound like a page from some “penny
dreadful”—that doesn’t matter, for it's the truth, and all these
precautions were vital to the success of my enterprise.
Well, then, my disguise. That matter was not of so much
importance in the case of my companion. She was comparatively
little known to the reporters.
My stage experience helped me in the disguise part. I must
not merely disguise •myse.f In the ordinary fashion; I must
transform myself—become a different sort of character. Here
1 was, glowing with health and buoyancy of spirit—radiating
Evelyn Nesbit Thaw all over the place. That was my real
character.
What then, should be my assumed character?
Naturally the opposite extreme—a meek, mild, subdued, tired
creature, retiring, shrinking, drab and colorless.
Aha' a depressed spinster of uncertain age—a washed-out
New England “schoolmarm.”
That was the idea, and if it turns out that I’m condemned to
the stage for life. I’ll never accomplish a more triumphant feat
of “make-up’’ than this, which made my escape completely suc
cessful.
First I bought a long tan duster—ot the cheapest, most de
pressing sort, that no one would honor with a second glance.
Then 1 invested in the homeliest brown—dirty brown—hat that
ever was seen in this world. Oh, it was vile. Not the sort of hat
that fits your head as a hat should, but the sort that a certain
type of women perch on their scalps and pin on through the
hair—that sort; you know what I mean. It was without form
absolutely, and ‘‘void,’’ like the world was before it began.
I pulled my hair back and put water on it, and twisted it in a
tight lump at the back of my head and a most unpleasant angle.
I made a regular “bun” of it. Goodness, I was a sight!
Then I took a black “make-up” pencil and made a few of the
very faintest lines in my face. And 1 put on spectacles—hideous
spectacles—the very ugliest I could find. They were awful! Even
at this stage my own mother wouldn’t have known me.
Now came the very important matter of a veil. No perfectly
proper New England “sdhoolmarrn” would dream of going out
into a strange world unveiled.
It must be a veil not too thick, because a woman who is
heavily veiled always attracts attention. Yet it mu3t be thick
enough to obscure the faint lines 1 had drawn in my face, and
make them appear those characteristic lines which nature draws
on the countenances of hopeless spinsters troubled with in
somnia and a bad digestion.
So I equipped myself with a medium weight brown veil, put
it on, and stood before a full-length mirror and applied the “acid
test.”
Actually, I couldn’t recognize myself!
For good measure I bought a reckless-looking green umbrella
—and a pair of "goloshes.”
Now you can picture me as, with a shabby bag in my’ hand
and my fashionably gowned companion by my side, I de
scended from the Sixth avenue elevated and trudged down to
the pier, barely In time to scramble up the gangplank.
Unnoticed, unknown, all of my true self buried in dowdiness
and homeliness. I scrambled up, my true girl friend marching
before me; a plain barnyard hen following a bird of paradise.
And the bugle blew, the whistles screamed, the reporters
marched off—and in her stateroom, identity still hidden, sat
Evelyn Thaw, on her way to freedom for the first time in her
eventful career.
I was going into freedom to bear my glorious baby—as free as
( of the Thaws, their myrmidons and their millions.
Next Week Evelyn Thaw Will Tell the
crets of Her Hidden Life Abrcad—of the
Coining of Her Child to He
I