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TTRARRT’S SUNDAY AMERICAN, ATLANTA, 0A„ SUNDAY, MAY ?,3. 1015.
Busted Romances
By T. E. Powers
The Famous Cartoonist
1915, by tb* Rtar Company. Groat Britain Rlfbts Roaorrod.
DENNIS C’SHAY SAW THE - BEAUTIFUL,
A\IS5<i<5TR0X DROP HER. PURSE
t
f
' /
V N
AMD DID DENNIS O’SHAY DECOAAE
PRESIDENT or (j<5TKoX CjoJ-D
Minihq Corporation?
i-
HE HANDED ITTo HER IN HIS BE5T
CHESTERFIELD JAN MANNER
V>u DROPPED
Hour, Purss \
AWV
Co/rmNK
) >to/
IM PLEASED R*
T&MEETYogsB,
l 5HAKE. 1
27
DID SHE TAKE HIM. HoME AND
introduce: HJMTo HER FATHER.?
6
Pa IHis is
Ah Honest/
AWN
\
\\
SHE COUNTED OUT THE MONEY
AND FOUND THE $ 10,000
All there: ,
Pr-T
DID OLD GjoTRoX SEND HI/A.'
To Collecte ?
KAH.'i
RAH!
B p
JHEH she QAVE HIM A CANADIAN
DIME AHD HE BouqHTiH|M SELF
AH AUTOMOBILE
Dlwql
DlNC,
rrs^
w
Gen. Grouch,
Commander-In-Chief of tha
Pessimists,
Says:
Oeprrlffct, IMS, by th* Star nwpai
Groat Britain Rlfbta Reimad.
O
NCE there was a woman wHa
got draaaad In tlma, bat bar
clock waa two hour, fait
He who laugha leudoot lan^ pay
ing the bills.
Woman eertalnly CAN hold her
tongue—If aha use* both hande.
Love la like ■ corkeerew—aa
awful bore, but neeeeeary.
Happlneee It that time wa are
alwaya going to have te-mereew.
Woman hae only one way, and
that la her own.
Poverty le no orlme—neither la
eclatiea.
Don’t pity tha people who wear
out; think of the fun they’ve had.
Pity only thoee who ruet out.
Wine, women and—tha poor
debtor’s court.
It le Just ae foolish te appeal to
a man's sense of honor ae It le te
appeal to a woman’s reason.
There le one thing the gold onto
le sure to relieve, and that la
poverty.
You can skid Into debt, but you
have to orawl out.
Hope whets the appetite, but
only Hustle sets the table.
There’a nothing like hard eaah
for a eo’t snap.
THE MORNING SMILE
WEX JONES Editor
The New E iclid
By
Horatio Winslow
VOL. V.
Atlanta, Ga., Sunday 23, 1915.
NO. 32.
The Smile’s Great Timelock Foams, The Great Detective
Inventions
' “M
STAFF OF SCIENTISTS
AGAIN BENEFITS
HUMANITY.
Marvelous devloe perfected
for tearing off half of round
trip tickets.
Machines absolutely free to
cur readers on payment of
freight.
A LL. traveler* know what
a nuisance It le tearlns
off half of a round trip
ticket
As a rule. It Is almost Impos
sible to tear one evenly.
Our staff of ectantUta, ever
alert to the needs of the pub
lic. has now done away with
this worry. All the traveler
has to do Is to send this office
$1,600.76 to pay freight and one
of our ticket-tearing machines,
will be sent him free of cost.
Put this machine beside you
In the train. Place your ticket
Tha Mystery of the Spinach with the Smoked Tongue
Oatlmtd from U>t Suaday.
ERCY!" cried Foams,
grinding
his teeth.
Of all the chumps
I ever met.Potaon, you are the
rhumplest. Look, chump, look at
the smoked tongue. Ah. dl ml.
don't you see It, don't you see It
nowT"
“Sure,” I replied, "I see the
tongue, hut It looks perfectly
good to ine. In fart I was about
to eat some of tt myself."
“Oh. gee!” cursed the great de
tective, now wildly excited, for
the first time In his life—"Pots-
on, you'll drive me orasy." Foams
jabbed himself a few times with
his hypo, played a couple of
operas on his fiddle, bent and
straightened the poker with his
fingers a few times and then,
greatly composed, said. “Surely,
Potson, even a chump like you
can see that there’s sptnaoh un
der the tongue.”
"Right," 1 answered, “end you
don’t like spinach.”
“1 loathe It, Potson. and, fur
ther, the landlady knows 1 cant
bear the sight of It.”
"Ah, ha." said I. “somebody
in It Then when the conductor , ,
come, along, pres, the leyeg* « ,her * BDd " 8 pol " on -
11ft up the lid, turn Ua ^riank.
shut ofT the power 0 - pe n the safe
andext^^JQH- ticket Hand
•MT^fi^^Ructor. Shut the
safe, throw the engine Into
neutral, shut the lid * n d the
operation Is over.
Get one. If you are going on
even a short trip. Invaluable
if your 1 ™ going to the Fair.
Did You Know That—
Pig-iron Isn't a bit hoggish?
Pigskin Is on the hog?
A pigtail isn’t always on the
bog?
A small pig is always a pigmy,
L’Y Pigmy isn't always a small
ed.’
"Don't be so crude, Potson;
somebody else put the spinach
there, but that somebody woufd
never resort to such a vulgar ex
pedient as poison. And. Potson,
my dear chump, why should a
person poison a vegetable which
1 never eat?”
1 turned pale. Could the
scoundrel be after me?
Foams read my thoughts. "So,
Potson.” said he, "this person
doesn’t care a snap of his Angers
whether you are alive or dead.
He is after me. for well he knows
I am the only detective In the
world with brains equal to his
own. It !s Moriaritv. Potson."
The arch-criminal'
"But what” I began.
"Very simple. Potson. If your
skull contained anything but cold
molaasee. Mortality, as I can
tell by the smell, haa placed spin-,
aoh on every breakfast table In
this building. He knows my an
tipathy to the vile vegetable, and
he calculated that In a At of fury
I would throw the platter out of
the wlndpw. Mortality Is watch
ing the house now, and the mo
ment any spinach is thrown out
he will mark the window and ex
terminate the occupants of that
room. But the apch-crlmlnal
(here Foams gnashed hli teeth)
failed to recognize the Iron will
of the aroh-detectlve. and he Is
foiled again.”
"Marvelous, Foams, marvelous."
said I.
That Is really the end of the
adventure, but as a sequel I em
barked on a small one of my own.
James T. Smithy, who has the
room above ours, also had an
accordion. Under the protext of
returning a morning paper I had
borrowed a week before, I called
on him In h1s room and contrived
to throw a plate of spinach out
of his window. Then I hastily
returned to our own diggings.
Foams, as u9ual, was right about
Moriarlty’s plan, for I haven’t
heard the accordion since.
THE SMILE’S OWN
MOLECULE MOVIES
"r^-rALL Street bachelor.
\X/ Vacation. Fishing rod.
* ’ Happiness.
Leaky row-bmt Juptter
Pluvius. More rain. Clothes
wringing wet. Grippe. Pneu
monia. Much woe.
Hospital Gloomy doc. No
hope.
Pretty nurse. Smiles. Con
valescence. Hand clasps. Dia
mond ring Automobile. Preach
er’s home. Man and wife.
Caption for screen:
“Moral: It never rains but
it pours.”
(Passed by the Bamrgat Board
o] Censorship.)
IN THE SMILE’S
LETTER BOX
TWO MUCH OF A PROBLEM.
T O THE EDITO R—Why
dbea a man run after a
car that he knows he
can’t catch?
JAMES M’GOOL,
New Brunswick, N. J.
YBT ANOTHER QUESTION.
TO THE EDITOR—How does
an onion know enough to grow
up Instead of down?
PHILIP FIENNES,
Babylon, L. I.
[’8nuff. Fur
ther questloni
like the twi
above will be re
ferred to Bloom
Ingdale.—Ed.]
ABOUT A CANARY.
TO THE EDITOR—Recently
I bought a canary, but the bloom
ing blighter won’t sing. Am 1
downhearted? No! I wouldn’t
let the bird hare anything on
me, so I whistle myself and the
canary oan go to the dickens.
THOMAS J. TIMKEN,
Brooklyn, N. Y.
[A good scheme
Thomas, a very
good scheme. Wa
suppose, If you
buys watchdog
that goea to sleep
you'll run arouna
the house all
night on youi
hands and knees
barking at every
footatep you hear
Ed.]
Our Weekly Health Hint.
Before stepping on a tack,
hammer It into the floor.
CLASMFIF.D AI)\ KRT1SEMEXTJ.
EXCHANGE Will exchange
•lightly used sandwich for more
or lea? grand piano.—T. J., Siaiia
otTiua
Copyright, 1515, by the Star Company. Great Britain Rights R-eeervad.
* I *HEOREM: Starting at any given point, a conversation is
bound to gravitate to the fixed topic L.
DEMONSTRATION;
Let X. represent Any Given Point—as, for Instance, the Price of
Second-hand Blblea In Muncle, Indiana, In the Year 1889.
THEN:
YOU
It IS Interesting. Where did it come from?
SHE
Why. father bought it In Muncle. Indiana, In 1889. He was passing
through and saw It In a funny little second-hand shop.
YOU
Must have had to pay a big price for It
SHE
No. That’s the strange part He offered the storekeeper Ave dol
lars, but the man was an honest old German, who said it wasn't worth
more than two and a half. So In the end papa compromised and gave
him three and took the book.
YOU
I*d like to meet that honest old German. Td make money off him.
(Turning the pages.) Hello! fere’s an old list of family deaths.
8HE
And there on the other side are the birth*.
YOU
Makes me feel creepy. Everybody down here has been dead fifty |
years anyhow. (You turn the pages.) Marriages! What do you know
about that! I wonder if they lived happily ever after.
SHE (before you have o cAance fo say it).
Most people don’t.
YOU (rising to the bait).
I’m not so sure. I don’t see why a marriage can’t be happy If there’s
Love back of 1L
SHE
Yes, but what Is Love?
YOU
(shutting the Bible and putting the ancient volume bach on the
music cabinet.)
Oh, you can’t put your Anger on It and say, "This Is Love.” But just
the same I know there Is such a thing as Love because . . . etc., etc.
Q. E. D.
A SPRING LITANY
Y,
Copyright, 1*16, by tha Star Company. Great Britain Right* Reserved.
F ROM cut-worms in the garden and from cut-throats in Wall Street,
from theatre ticket speculators and from the honest gold-brick sort—
From solder in freth green peas and from sand in fresh beet
greens, from ten-volume histories of the war and from hyphenated
Americans—•
From domestic camembert cheese and from peace envoys, from rumor*
that Italy w3| go to war and from people who believe the war dispatches—
From agents with patent carpet beater* and from women who aro
wearing furs, from temperance tonics and from discussions of war babies
From people who believe the teed catalogues and from suburban trains
with hermetically sealed windows, from wrist watches on life-sized males
and from inside-laced shoes on all sizes of females—
From window screens that won’t fit and from screen doors that fit too
much, from porch chairs that shed paint and from visitors who shed perfuma
(so-called)— ‘ •
From commuters who bring odorous phosphate fertilizers along ott the
train in burlap bags, and from the descendants of Munchausen who write
Summer resort folders—
From cartoonists who parody “Dropping the Pilot” and from mrwiern
dramas founded on unexpurgated medical books, from four giggling girl*
wallring abreast on the sidewalk and from one son of Bacchus walkhig on
both sides of the sidewalk at once—
From mornings that look as dry as Death Valley and turn oot To he
as wet as the Atlantic, and from ascending the Palisades or a dimb across
Times Square— - . .
From this year's two and a half-story straw fids and from the now
brand of horse-collar feminine neckwear, from the Spring new* item* from
Winstead. Conn., and from foreign cartoonists' conception of Uncle Sm
From August weather in April and from December temperature in
May. from trying to help your wife select new wall paper or to avoid the
annual cleaning of your suburban home cellar—
OH. GENTLE SPRING. DELIVER US!
Ever Stop to Think-
Copyright, 1WB, b.r tho Star Company.
Great Britain Rights Reaerrad.
T
BAT a little whiskey will
make a man light-headed?
That a little peroxide
will do the same thing to a woman?
That no rewards are ever adver
tised for finding trouble?
That a lot of people keep on
looking for It, just the same?
That every day the papers re
port brush« h *:ween French and
German Lroups(
1 That they must be military
That he can’t kick? •
brushes?
•
That we’ve been thinking abont
going off to the war?
That man Is a queer creature?
That that’s why we haven’t
That he’ll get hot under the col
gone?
lar If you drop a piece of Ice down
his bsok?
That a barking dog never bites?
That a steam calliope doesn’t
That the easiest way to catch a
either, but we don’t care to have
Ash Is to stick a fork into It when
the waiter puts It on the table?
one around for all that?
That you can get theatre tickets
That a British soldier recently
at cut rates, if you know how?
had both legs shot off by a cannon
That barbers charge cut rates
i bain '
for trimming your hair? ^
-^0
That they eometlrr.es collect the
same kind of rates for sharing;?
That old King Cole wag a jolly
old aoul?
That he wouldn’t he neariy ee
Jolly If ha ware kin* < England
right now?
, . - * . S ,
That the papers say that a huge
stream of wealth is pouring Into
this country?
That a lot of us haven’t oroa
*ot our feet wet yet?