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"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.”
cannot bring you wealth,” she said;
•I cannot bring you fame or place
Among the noted of the race,
But 1 can love you, r
,'W hen trials come to test you, sweet,
I can be sunlight to your feet;
My kiss your precious lips shall greet,
Because I love you.
‘When daylight dies along the west
You will come home to me to rest,
And I shall sleep upon your breast,
Because I love you.
‘lf sickness comes, beside your bed
I will bend low with quiet tread,
And pray God’s blessing on your head,
Because I love you.
‘As dew clings to the violet,
Making the fragrant chalice wet,
So my life into yours is set,
Because I love you.
“Only myself, my all, I bring;
But count it, sweet, a precious thing
To give my life an offering,
Because I love you.
U I bow before no other shrine;
If I go first across death’s line
& will return to claim you mine,
Be cause I love you. ”
—Sarah K. Bolton.
CHINESE_PIEATES.
From the year 1852 to 1854 the Chinese
Bea, from Shanghai in the north to Sing
apore in the south, was infested with
pirate craft. As for that matter, this
teea had been the cruising ground of
? bates for a score of years previously,
ut 1 mention these two years for par
ticular reasons. One was that I was en
gaged in a vigorous warfare against
them, and the other that the close of
1851 witnessed the death of the leading
spirits and broke up piracy as a trade.
In those far back days comparatively
nothing was known of China outside of
a few seaports. Treaties were of little
account, and Consuls were few and far
'between. Every merchant ship was ex
pected to defend herself, and the Cap
tain of every man-of-war had authority
to bombard any town which refused to
renew his water and provisions. All
pations were trading with China, but,
aside from a few few seaports, all China
(bated all other people. At the docks at
Bong Kong. I could drink tea with the
Chinese merchants. Half a mile away
the people would have cut me to pieces,
while the country wanted to sell its
products, it hated the men who bought
(them. While it wanted the goods of
Other countries, it despised the makers
bid shippers. There is no doubt that
Ihe Chinese Government tactily en
couraged piracy, and could the great
mass of the population have had its say,
Upt a single foreigner would have been
allowed to land on the coast.
In the year ’54 there was an associa
tion at Canton called “The Foreign
Traders.” It was composed of Ameri
cans, Englishmen, Germans, Frenchmen,
Spaniards and Russians, and numbered
over sixty representatives. The capital
represented amounted to millions, and
the object was threefold. We had more
power with the Chinese Government
than any foreign Minister. We had
rules and regulations regarding the tea
trade. We could carry a point by pro
tests and threats. Every pound of tea
from a district 500 miles square had to
pass through our hands. We filed many
protest against the pirates and the laxity
of the government in hunting them
down, and were finally officially informed
that we were at liberty to take any steps
we deemed best in the matter. That
meant we could fit out a craft and go for
the rascals right and left handed. We
had been anticipating this, and had a
craft ready at Hong Kong. She was an
American schooner of excellent model
and large spread of sail, and we knew
that she could outsail anything, native
or foreign, we had ever seen in those
waters. We armed her with a Long
Tom and four 24-pounders, having
bought the guns from the sale of the
salvage of a French man-of-war. Then
we picked up a crew of fifty men—all
foreigners and sailors—and when we
went out of Hong Kong we were pre
pared to give the pirates Hail Columbia.
I was purser of the schooner, which was
called the Revenge, and her captain was
an Englishman Wetherbee, who
had served as a commissioned officer in
the regular service. The first lieutenant
was an American, and the other officers
were divided up among the other nation
alities. We flew the association flag,
and while we had liberty to go for
pirates, we were warned that any mis
takes would be male to cost us dearly.
The two boss pirates of that date were
Shung-Wongand Chin-Lung. The first
had a fleet of seven or eight craft, and
|b hauated the sea from Singapore north to
lathe Tong-Kin Islands. The second
MCruised from thence as far north as
W Shanghai, having his headquarters at
x ormosa Island. He was reported to
have a fleet of nine craft. That both
were monsters we had a hundred proofs,
and that both had grown rich and power
ful it was easy to show by the long list
of missing vessels hanging in the head
quarters office. While we had kept our
movements as secret as possible, we bad
no doubt that Government officials had
given us away, and that the pirates
would be on the watch for us. To de
ceive them as far as possible, we ran to
the south for three days, and spoke and
reported to four ships bound for Can
ton. 'i hen we ran over toward the
Philippine Islands until we had a good
olhng, when we headed up for Formosa
to get acquainted with old Chin-Lung.
During the next three days we did
not sight a sail of any sort. Then early
one morning -we fell in with a lot of
wreckage which showed us that a trader
had been overhauled and burned. We
were now to the east of Formosa, and
fifty miles olf the coast. Men were set
to work to give the schooner the appear
ance of a vessel in distress, and under a
light breeze we made slow headway to
ward the island. It was about C -Vclock
in the afternoon before anvching ap
proached us, although we sav a number
of native craft at a distance. Then a
small junk came out from a bay about
five miles off, and headed directly for
us. Everything aboard of us seemed to be
at sixes and sevens. A man was
lashed to the mainmast, to repre
sent the Captain, everything aloft was
askew, and the seven or eight men on
deck were seemingly drunk and having
a high old time. We had a man aloft
to piny a part, knowing that we should
be hailed in English. Roth of these boss
pirates had Americans and Englishmen
with them—rascals who had deserted
their ships and voluntarily adopted the
life of a pirate—and one of them was al
ways put forward to hail a ship. The
junk came steadily forward to within
hailing distance before she came up into
the wind. This was proof, whether she
was honest or not, that our appearance
deceived her. The men on deck yelled
and shook their fists, as drunken men
might do, but at the first opportunity a
voice hailed us.
“Schooner ahoy! What schooner is
that?”
“The Revenge, Capt. Thatcher, bound
to Shanghai,” answered the man aloft.
“What’s the matter aboard?”
“Crew in a state of mutiny for the last
three days. They have lashed the Cap
tain to the mast and driven me aloft.”
“What’s your cargo?”
“General merchandise.”
“Any arms aboard?”
“Only a few muskets.”
There were a do/en men aboard the
junk, but they dared not attempt to
board. They chattered away among j
themselves for a while, and then the
spokesman called out:
“Very well, we will bring you help.”
With that the junk headed back for
the bay, accompanied by the yells and
curses of the apparently drunken crew.
We had a native aboard called Shin-
Lee. He had been in the headquarters
for several years, and could be de
pended upon. He gave it as his opinion,
that the junk was a spy boat sent out
by the pirates, who never attacked a
vessel by daylight without taking all
due precautions. He said we would see
the pirate fleet come out, in case no sail
appeared on the horizon, and his words
were speedily verified. We had been
gradually edging inshore, and were not
over five miles from the land, when we
caught sight of five junks coming out
after us. There was a good working
breeze, and now, as was only natural,
we began to crawl off. By seeming to
want to get away very badly, but by
carefully manipulating the helm, we
were seven miles off the land before tne
fieet reached us. We were satisfied of
their intentions long enough before. It
was not to help a vessel in distress, but
to take advantage of one almost help
less.
The junks kept pretty well together,
and when within rifle shot each one
raised Chin-Lung’s flag and uttered a
cheer. Each had a couple of howitzers,
with which they opened fire upon the
schooner, but no harm had been done
when we were ready to spring the trap.
At the word of command every man was
on deck, the gun crews jumped to their
stations, and things aloft were ship
shape in a moment. Then we wore
round to get between the pirates and
the bay, and opened fire. A Chinese
junk is a mere shell. One solid shot
went through them as if they had been
paper. The poor chaps were unnerved
as soon as they saw the trap into which
they had fallen, and devoted all
their energies to getttng away. We
could outsail any of the junks, but it
wa3 quick work with four of them.
They were sent to the bottom one after
another, and as we came up with the
fifth we ran her down. Our stem struck
her full on the starboard broadside and
cut her almost in two. She had at least
thirty men aboard, and there was one
long, despairing shriek as they went
down to watery graves. A few came up
to clutch at the wreckage and beg to be
takep aboard, but not one of them would
the Captain lend a hand to. Such as
sharks did not get hold of drifted out to
sea with the tide. It was a fearful retri
bution, but these men were monsters.
Inside of thirty minutes from the time
we opened fire the fieet was at the boV
tom and at least a hundred pirates haJT
paid the penalty of their crimes.
Our Captain was lamenting the fact
that he had not picked up one or two in
order to secure information when there
was a row forward, and it was an
nounced that a pirate had been found
hanging to tlie.chains. When brought
aft he was ready to do anything to save
his life. Hjg name was Mung-Hang, and
he had good cause to b'ciieve that we
would reverse it. He was the Captain
of the junk we had run down, and was
ready to tell us all about old Chm-Lung.
The bay was his rendezvous, but his
plunder was hidden on the coast near
Foo Chow. There were barracks for the
men up the bay, and thirty or forty
men there at that moment. They had
captured a French brig several days be
fore, and she was then at anchor in the
bay waiting for Chin-Lung’s return. He
was then up among the Lioo Kioo
Islands with four junks to capture a
large ship which had drifted into shoal
water, but was not abandoned. If we
would spare his life he would pilot us
anywhere and prove his gratitude in
any way. Shin-Lec took him in hand
fora few minutes, and then announced
that we could depend upon him. We
ran into the bay, brought up alongside
the brig, and sent forty men ashore to
clean out the place. Not a pirate was to
be seen, all having bolted for the woods. |
Everything which would burn was set
on fire, and a prize crew was put aboard (
the brig to navigate her to Hong Kong.
She reached that port safely, and our sal
vage money went far to reimburse the
company for its outlay.
When we sailed out of the bay it wag
to look for the boss pirate. He was
nearer than we thought for. At 8 o’clock
the next morning we saw his fleet ahet d,
on its wav back to Formosa empty
handed, and by 10 we had the junks
under fire. These weTe a braver iot of
men. Knowing that they could notout
sail us, and seeming to suspect that we
were an enemy, they closed right in for
a fight. It did not last long, however.
We had one man killed by the fall of a
block from aloft, and three or four
wounded by the bullets from Jieir an
cient firearms, and in return not a man
of them escaped. In less than an hour's
fighting altogether we sent nine junks
and 20u men to destruction. Butchery,
wasn’t it? Well, call it so; but remem
ber that in the previous twelve months
the fleet of this old pirate had captured
no less than ten foreign craft and six
. traders, and that every man, woman,
and child aboard had been murdered.
There was no sentiment about Chin-
Lung. He thought of nothing bat
blood and plunder, and he would cut a
( child's throat with a smile on his face.
We were now ready to sail in search
of Shung Wong, who had less power,
1 but was just as great a villain. These
two leaders had divided up the tern
tory, and compelled all lesser pirates t«
join them, and come under their control.
So, then, we had only two men to strike
at to down the whole lot. At the close
of the third day after heading
for the south we came upon the track
of the piratical fieet. A trader in woods
and dyestuffs had been overhauled about
a hundred miles north of the north
ern group of Philippines, called the
Little Philippines. The crew con
sisted of three men and a boy, and the
vessel had only part of a cargo
Shung-Wong had boarded her himself,
and although the crew were native Chi
nese, he could not restrain his bloody
hand. He demanded a sum equal to
S3OO in American money. There was
only about S2O aboard, and he personally
cut the Captain’s throat, had the others
flogged, and went on his way to the
Bay of Luzon, which is on the west side
of the island of that name. We spoke
the trader and received from her terri
fied crew the incidents above narrated,
and then shaped our course for the bay.
As luck would have it, an American
ship called the Joseph Taylor was ahead
of us, and as she passed down the coast
was attacked by the fleet about seven
miles off shore. We heard the rumpus
about an hour before daylight. There
was little breeze, and though greatly
outnumbered, the crew of the Taylor
beat the pirates off. At daylight the
wind freshened, and we slid in between
the junks and the shore just as they
were preparing for a second attack. We
were no sooner within range than we
i opened opon them, and, seeing escape
cut off, the fellows tried hard to lay us
aboard. In thirty minutes from the
opening of the fight we had sunk or run
down every junk and disposed of every
pirate, and only had four men wounded
in doing it.
Our work had been done so promptly
and well that it struck terror to the
hearts of all evil doers in those seas,and
it was several years before another act of
piracy was committed. The Chinese
government returned its thanks to the
Association, ship owners sent in contri
butions of money to express their grati
tude, and when we came to sell the
schooner to the Chinese government as
a cruiser, the company was financially
ahead. It was probably the briefest
cruise and attended with the greatest
results recorded of an armed vessel.—
New York Sun.
A Wonderful Tobacco Box.
The greatest tobacco box in the world,
and the strongest as well, is the property
of a society known as that of “The Past
Overseers of St. Margaret and St. John,
Westminister,” says the Toronto
(Canada) Telegram. It is simply a get
ting together of those who have held
the office of overseer of the parish for
the purpose of eating an annual dinner,
wnich they have regularly done for
nearly two hundred pears. Incidentally
they have become also custodians of the
“Westminister Tobacco Box.”
The story goes that in the year 171dj
one of the overseers who had been in’
the habit of bringing to the tavern din-'
ners his own private tobacco box and]
putting it at the service of his friends,]
presumably with a better brand than
the common one, in it, presented to the
company a tobacco box for its own use
when he should have got beyond the
need of d nners.
The society accepted the box and
placed upon it a silver rim and a plate,
upon which were engraved the name and
the good deeds of the donor. The next
oversoer put upon the box another plate
with his name and official achievements
upon it. His successor did the same,
and so grew up the enstom that the box
should be delivered to the care of each
overseer, who,upon retiring, should add
to it a plate engraved wjthhis name and
some suitable snscripti^
Before long the box became quite
overlaid with silver plates, and then it
was fitted into a larger box, when it had
been covered with decorations, and this
operation was repeated until now the
original little box has grow iuto a nest
of half a dozen or more boxes, the outer
one being a massive, silver-covered,
hexagonal chest, which was made from
a beam that was once in Westminister
Abbey.
Silver plates of all sizes and shapes,
and decorated with all manner of figures,
pictures and inscriptions, cover all the
boxes. In most eases the notable event
of the year has been recorded by picture
or words upon the plate of the overseer
for that year, and the box has thus be
come a condensed chronicle of the history
of the past century in England.
At each regular annual dinner the box
is with regular ceremonial t handed over
to the new overseer by the senior church
warden, and the overseer is commanded
to take due care of the article, to pro
duce it at all parochial entertainments to
which he shall be invited or have the
right to attend, and to always keep in i 1
tobacco enough to furnish at least three
pipes, under penalty of forfeiting six
bottles of claret. Besides this he has to
furnish a bond in SIOOO as security foi
the care of the box.
One of the peculiar regulations of the
dinner, introduced in 1825, is that il
must be served at 5 o’clock by the
’ striking of a certain church clock, or the
j landlord forfeits two bottles of wine, and
! if he fails to produce his bill promptly
at 8:d0 o’clock he loses another bottle.
Vaccination in the Harem.
The women in the Sultan’s seraglio,
at Constantinople, have just been vac
cinated, to the number of 100. Th«
operation took place in a large hall, un
der the superintendence of four gigan*
tic eunuchs. The Italian surgeon tc
whom the task was confided was stationed
in front of a huge screen, and the womer
were concealed behind it. A hole had
been made in the center of the screen,
just large enough to allow an arm to pass
through; and in this manner the arms,
of various colors and sizes, were pre
seated to the operator in'rapid succesion
It was utterly impossible for the surgeoi
to get a glimpse of his patients; but, ir
order to guard against the chance of his
being able to see through the screen,
two eunuchs, who stood by the opera
tor, threw a shawl over his face the in
stant an operation was concluded, and
did not remove it till the next arm had
been placed in position. —lndian Medical
Gazette.
There is a scarcity of young men at
some of the summer resorts, and th»
girls are suffering ftom ‘‘poor male faeik
itles.”-- Boiton Commercial Bulletin.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Afterward—Loves Young Dream —
Some Robustness Deft—Every
thing Else Settled—Chang
ing the Subject, Etc.
•‘Never,’’ he vowed it, ‘ while life may last
Can I love again. I will die unwed.”
‘‘And I, too, dear, since our dream is past
I will live single,” she sobbing said.
A storm of farewells — of wild good-bys—
He rushed from the spot, like an outcast
soul.
She bid in a pillow her streaming eyes,
And wept with anguish beyond eoutroL
Just five years afterward, they two met
At a vender’s stand, in a noisy street;
He saw the smile he could ne’er forget,
And she the eyes that were more than
sweet.
“O Kate,” “O Harry,” \ gow well you look !
I -xxG *7 vV6u you lOOK!
“I stopped,” he said, just to get a toy
For my little girl.” ‘‘l wanted a book,”
She softly said, “for my little boy.’'
—Madeline S. Bridges.
Love’s Young Dream.
“Birdie,” whispered a happy young
Chicago lover, “now that we are engaged
you mustn’t call me Mr. Porcine any
more.”
“Ah no darling,” responded the girl,
with a sigh and a snuggle, “you must
always call me ‘Birdie’ and I will always
call you ‘Butch.’ New York Sun.
Some Robustness Left.
Bobby (whose grandpa is sleeping on
the lounge and snoring as grandpas can
snore)—-“Ma,is grandpa so very feeble?”
Mother—“ Yes, dear.”
Bobby—“ Well, you wouldn’tthink so
to hear him, would you, Ma?”— Epoch.
Everything Else Settled.
“So you have my daughter’s permis
sion to ask me for her hand, have you,
young man?”
“I—l am happy to say, sir, that I
have,” replied the poor, but worthy
youth.
“And 1 suppose, ” said the banker, after
a pause, “you have also asked her to name
the day. About what time, sir, do you
expect to break into my family?”—Chi
-.ago Tribune.
Changing the Subject.
Knobley—“l saw you on Fourteenth
street a few minutes ago, Miss Ethel.”
She—“Oh, did you?”
Knobley—“Y'es; you were going into a
hair-store.”
She—“Ah, yes; I was executing a lit
tle commission for a friend. Beautiful
weather we are having, Mr. Knobley.”
And she beckoned haughtily to her
coachman. —Life.
A Superfluous Caution.
“Now, Bobby,” said his mother, “Mr.
Oldboy is to take dinner with us to-night;
he is very bald, and you must not say
anything about Ins hair.”
Bobby promised, and while dinner
was progressing said to his mother, in
an audible whisper:
“Ma, you told me not to say anything
about Mr. Oldboy’s hair. YVhy, he
hasn’t got any.”— New York Dispatch.
Not Afraid of Rain.
The old gentleman was restless. It
was getting late, and he wanted to close
the house. Strolling to the window, he
looked out and said:
“The clouds seem to be banking in
the west; we are likely to have a sharp
shower soon.”
“Y'es, sir,” replied young Mr. Din
widdie from the sofa, “I anticipated a
storm and brought an umbrella. We
need rain badly, Mr. Hendricks. Er—
you were saying, Miss Clara—”— Life.
A Slight Chang • in Phraseology.
“Did I tell you that Maud was learn
ing the violin?” said a young lady on
whom Tom Sellers was calling.
“No, you did not.”
“Y'es, she is practicing now. Do you
not hear those strains of music floating
down from up stairs?”
“Those strains of music?”
“Yes.”
“I think I hear the sounds you refer
to, hut don’t they strike yon as severe
strains on the violin?”— Merchant Trav
eler.
A Frugal Lover.
Frugal young man (to object of his
affections) —“Darling, your father being
a minister, perhaps we’d better ask him
to perform the ceremony for us. He
would do it as reas—in fact, I presume
he would think it an insult if I should
offer him anything—er—.”
Object of his affections—“l don’t
know. I have often heard papa say that
he could always tell by the size of the
fee what kind of an estimate the bride
groom put upon the bride.
Frugal young man (uneasily)—“H’m!
Money couldn’t express it in my ease,
darling. All the wealth of the world
could’nt do it! But I’ve got a second
cousin, a justice of the peace, that wili
marry us for $2. Chicago Tribune.
A Pair of German Lovers.
At the end of the second week, says a
Berlin letter in the Chicago Tribune , the
lover came in one morning and pre
sented himself before the young lady,
who was in the room, and asked for a
few moments’ private conversation. I
stepped out to give him the floor, and
this is what she afterward related trans
pired: The young man advanced toward
his beloved and handed her a note, in
which were written a few lines from her
mother, saying the bearer was about to
propose in good form, and for her to ac
cept him. As she finished reading, an
agitated voice in the vicinity of the door
was heard, for the young man was ex
ceedingly nervous on this occasion:
“Most gracious and respected fraalien, 1
have the honor to offer you my heart
(and he clapped his hand over that or
gan) and hand in holy marriage.” Here
emotion checked him, but not the young
lady, who was twenty-nine years old.
“Most esteemed Herr von H.” she said,
“I thank you for a proposal which I do
myself the honor to accept. ” Herr von
H. bowed, kissed the young lady's hand
and retired, and ffie latter came out and
threw herself on my neck, exclaiming,
“I am engaged,” in a voice which
plainly implied, “At last, at last!”
Well, they were married, but first mam
ma gave several parties in their honor,
and there we saw them sitting side by
side on the sofa getting acquainted.
He Deplored Haste.
“There it is again,” said a dignified,
well dressed man as he came up to a
crowd which had gathered around another
man who had just been rescued from
beneath a truck driver’s team on lower
Broadway; “the old story once more—a
man nearly sacrifices his life simply to
gain a few seconds of time. The rush
and hurry here in New York is actually
astonishing, sir,” and the dignified man
looked around with an expression of
sadness blended with wonder.
“You are not a New Yorker, then?”
said a man who was on his wav to his
office in Wall-street.
“Oh, yes, sir,”returned the dignified
party, “yes, I live here in New' York,
but I always deprecate this spirit of
hurry, this rush, this intense
strain under which we labor,”
and his face assumed a pained,
thoughtful expression. “Now, here’s this
man, perhaps mortally wounded, when
ii he had waited another moment
he could have crossed the street in safe
ty. It is this hurry, this rush,” went on
the dignified man, “this haste, this un
natural—oh, great Scott!” he groaned,
“there goes my car—but I’ll catch it or
bust!” and he shot in front of a furni
ture van, galjopfed around a junk cart,
stepped on a newsboy, dodged the pole
of an ice wagon, and at last got hold of
the rear platform of the disappearing
car and was pulled in over the back
dashboard by the conductor the way a
man hauls in a seine full of fish, and got
his coat turned wrong side out, and his
hat battered and one thumb partiallv
smashed. “Why,” he said, “I wouldn’t
have missed this car for $10,” and he
looked back complacently at another of
the same line coining not a half a block
behind.— New York Tribune.
How a Pig Caused the War of 1812.
It all happened in this wise: Two
citizens of Providence, R. 1., fell into
a most unseemly discussion on account
of the lawless trespassings of a pig
owned by one of them. The aggrieved
party possessed a very fine garden, in
which it was his custom to spend his
hours of leisure, weeding, grafting, and
transplanting the fiowers and vegetables
in which he delighted. But often, as he
entered his garden in the evening, his
ears would be saluted with a grunt and
a rustle, and the fat form of his neigh
bor’s pig might be seen making a hasty
flight from the garden in which it had
been placidly rooting all day.
In high dudgeon the gardener sought
his neighbor and complained of the pig's
frequent visits, declaring that a little
time spent in repairing the pig-stv would
restrain the animal’s roving propensities.
But to this the owner of the pig re
sponded that if his neighbor would keep
his rickety fences in proper repair, the
pig might take its daily airing without
temptations, and the garden would not
be endangered.
Repeated misdeeds on the part of the
pig fanned the smoldering fires of dis
sension into the flames of open hostility.
At last the crisis came. The owner oi
the garden, rising unusually early one
morning, discovered the pig contented
ly munching the last of a "fine bed ol
tulip-bulbs. Fiesh and blood could
stand it no longer. Seizing a pitchfork
wdncli lay near at hand, the outraged
gardener plunged its sharp tines into
the hapless pig, and bore the body, thus
| fatally impaled, to the sty, -where it met
the gaze of its owner an hour or two
later. Thereafter it was war to the
knife between the two neighbors.
Now, what had all this to do with the
war of 1812? The answer is simple.
The two neighbors belonged to the
political party known as the Federalists.
Through all the outrages that Great
Britain inflicted upon the United States,
while seamen were being impressed,
American vessels stopped on the high
seas, and while every possible indignity
was being committed against the flag oi
the United States, the Federalists re
mained friendly to Great Britain, and
contested every proposition for the
declaration of war.
But the Democratic party was eager
for war, and as British oppression be
came more unbearable the strength ol
the Democrats increased. It so hap
pened that the election district in which
the two neighbors lived had been about
equally divided between Democrats and
Federalists, but the latter party had al
ways succeeded in carrying the election.
Butin 1811 the owner of the garden was
a candidate for the legislature on the
Federalist ticket. His neighbor had al
ways voted that ticket; but now T . with
his mind filled with the bitter recollec
tion of the death of his pig, he cast his
ballot for the Democrat. When the bal
lots were counted the Democrat \fras
found to be elected by a majority
one.
When the newly elected legislator took
his seat, his first duty wa3 to Vote for a
United States Senator. He cast his vote
for the candidate of the Democrats, who
was also elected by a majority of one.
When this Senator took his place in the
United States Senate he found the ques
tion of war with Great Britain pending,
and after a long and bitter discussion it
came to a vote. The Democrats voted
for war, and the Federalists against it.
As a result of the voting, war was de
clared —again by a majority of one vote.
— St. Nicholas.
A Natural Soap Well.
A natural soap well has been discov
ered sixty-eight miles from Buffalo Gap,
Dakota. Tha soap is skimmed from a
boiling spring and hardens by exposure
to the air. It is like soft day and can be
gathered with a shovel, and is supposed
to be a mixture of alkali, borax and the
lubricating oil found in many parts of
Wyoming. A sample has been tested by
a prominent Chicago soap manufacturer,
and he reported the discovery worth the
full weight of the manufactured article.
Parties surrounding the springs have
used the natural article as axle grease by
adding a little of the oil discovered
there, and it is pronounced the finest
material ever used for that purpose. The
soap will wash in the hardest of water
and leave the hands much softer than
the ordinary article. The supply is sup
posed to be inexhaustible. —New York
Graphic.
Nature seems busy nowadays getting
up new and terrifying animals to disgust
one with drinking water. But without
a microscope you don’t discover them.
THE OLD SCH COL-HOUSE.
- *v-44 Ti. '* -
On the village green it stood,
And a tree was at the door,
Whose shadows broad and good
Reached faj- along the flo6r )
Of the school-room when’the'sun
Put on his crimson best,
And his daily labors dgne,
Like a monarch sank* to rest.
How the threshold wood was worn,
How the lintel port decayed;
By the tread at eve and morn
Of the feet that o’er it strayed—
By the presence of the crowd/
Within the portal small—
By the joy’s emerald shroud
That wrapp'd and darkened aIL
That school-house dim and old,
How many years have flown
Since in its little fold
My name was kindly known*
How different it seems
From what it used to be,
When gay as morning dreams,
We play’d around the tree!
How we watched the lengthen'd ray,
Through the dusty window pane;
How we longed to be away,
And at sport upon the plain,
To leave the weary books,
And the master’s careful eye,
For the flowers and the brooks,
And the cool and open sky.
Alas! where now are they—
My early comrades dear?
Departed far away,
And I alone am here;
Some are in distant climes,
And some in churchyards cold,
Yet it tells of happy times,
That school-house, dim and old.
— Penman's Art Journal.
PITH AND POINT.
Out on a fly—Noah’s dove.
With a horseman, life is but a span.
The crack club—The policeman’s
billy.
A matter o’ money—Fashionable mar
riages.
In a telegraph office the uses of paper
| are manifold.
Unseemly conduct—That of a wife
who will not sew.
Blood relations—The horse pistol and
the Colts' revolver. 4
Championship eating matches ought
[ to be for large steaks.
In Boston the horse-fiddle is called
the “equine violin.”
The carpenter: What 1 see, I seize;
What I seize, I saw.
A merchant often foots a bill twenty
times to a customer’s once.
Before making l'ruit cake, current
penses must be considered.
A tug isn’t much of a vessel but it
ranks as a sort of brig aid.
While boxing increases the size of a
man’s arm it doubles his fist.
Oysters are now selling for $1 per gal.
Ice cream in hot weather costs more pel
gal.
Cannon ball trains ought to be able to
shoot the bridges and skip the wash
outs.
The man who is down at the heels
now goe3 to the ward boss to get well
heeled.
Back on his own stamping ground—
The post-office clerk returned from his
vacation.
When a bey is mortified by the insig
nificance of his moustache he should try
to live it down.
“Yes,” said the landlady, sadly, “ap
pearances are deceitful, but disappear
ances are more so.”
It will be difiicult to work in Belva
Ann Lockwood as the favorite son of
any State. — Northwestern.
When the rain conies down in sheets
you don’t keep dry by getting between
them.— Washing on Critic.
If the women are to go to Congress,
let the women be married women. It
won’t do for us to be miss-represented.—
Siftings.
A retired minstrel end man was com
pelled to sell his bones the other day to
settle his board bill. Chicago Sunday
National. ~jj
l’oung Sappy—“l was knocked sense-'
less by a polo ball two years ago.” Olds
Sappy—“llow long before you expect
to recover:”
Miser (to wife) —“I hear, madam, that
you say witty things at my expense.’JJ
Wife—“Oh, no, dear; you couldn’t
afford it.”— Time.
A young lady attending balls and l
parties should have a female chaperon
until she is able to call some other chap
her own.— Toledo Bee.
“Dear me, how close the poor cows are
crowded together,’’sheremarked. “'Yea;)
ma’am, but we have to do it.” “Why,
so?” “To get condensed milk.”
.Taggs—“Er—John, what is this?"
Attendant —“ Cheese, sir.” Jaggs—
“Whew! Why didn’t you have it em
balmed before you sent it up?”— Judge. ,v.
Mr. Waldo, of Boston—“lsn’t Mr.i
Wabash, of Chicago, an original young
man, Penelope?” “He is more than 1
that, mamma; he is aboriginal.” —New
York Sun.
There is a moss-covered adage that
says a rolling stone gathers no moss.*
But what use would moss be to it, any/
how. It would only interfere with its
rolling.— Siftings.
If the human race was evolved from
the apes, it at least has the satisfaction
of knowing that its ancestors were intel- 4
ligent—they were educated in the higher
branches.— New York Tribune.
“I know my defects,” said B-jenkina
pompously ; and as the bystanders looked 1
at h m admiringly, one of them whis
pered to another softly: “What an aw-j
ful lot that man must know!"—Somer
ville Journal.
He was rich and ignorant, and when
be consulted a builder concerning a new
house he said: “I want a wide pizarro
on three sides, where the children can'
ride their little cyclopedias, and enjoy
themselves.”— Detroit Brea Press. j
On the Steamer. Outward Bound.—
Mamma—“l was reading in a paper just
before we sailed that there are 1,000,000'
more women than men in Germany. ’’
Daughter (of uncertain age;—“Mamma,
I think it will hardly be worth our while
to go to Germany.”— Boston Transcript,