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UN RE TURNING.
Throe things never come again >
Inow may vanish from the plain,
Jlossoms from the dewy sod,
/erdure from the broken clod, ,
(V ater from the river's bed, 9
forests from tin* mountain’s head,
Night may brighten into day,
Noon in fade away.
Yet the snow shaft! come once more
When the winter tempests roar.
Blossoms eaeh returning spring
in her iaden arms shall bring. .
Grass be green where ploughshares run,
River.', flash in autumn’s sun,
Time shall bid the forests gro v, k
Noon and midnight come and go,
But though all thy soul complain,
Three things shall not come again. .
Never to the bow that bends
Games the arrow that it sends;
Spent in space, its airy flight
Vanishes like lost delight.
When with rapid aim it sprang
From the bowstring’s shivering td
Straight to brain or heart it fled
Once for all its course was sped.
No wild wail upon its track
Brings the barb of vengeance back.
Hold thy hand before it go;
Pause beside the bended bow;
Hurtled once across the plain,
No spent arrow comes again.
* 1
Never comes the chance that passed:
Thatone moment w as its last,
Though thy life upon it hung,
Though thy death beneath it swung
4 Jf thy future all the way
Now in darkness goes astray,
When the instant bom of fate
Passes through the golden gate;
When the hour, but not the man,
Comes and goes from Nature’s plan
Never more its countenance
Beams upon thy slow advance.
Never more that time shall be
Burden bearer unto thee.
Weep and search o'er land and mauq
Lost chance never comes again.
Never shall thy spoken word
Be again unsaid, unheard.
Well its work the utterance wrought,
Woe or weal, whate’er it brought;
Once for all the rune is read,
Once for all the judgment said.
Though it pierced a poisoned spear
Through the soul thou boldest dear,
Though it quiver fierce and deep,
Through some stainless spirit’s sleep;
Idle, vain, the flying string
That a passing rage might bring.
Speech shall give it fangs of steel
Utterance all its barb reveal.
Give thy tears of blood and fire;
Pray with pangs of mad desire;
Offer life, and soul, and all,
That one sentence to recall.
Wrestle with its fatal wrath,
Jhase with flying feet its path l
Rue it all thy lingering days,
Hide it deep with love and praise,
Once for all thy word is sped,
None invade it but the dead
All thy travail will be vain—
Spoken words come not again!
►-Rose Terry Cooke, in Bouton Transcript.
TULIET’S PICTURES. __
BY HELEN FORREST GRAVES.
Tve been here a -whole week, and
not a single order has come,” said Juliet
Jay, disconsolate!y. ‘“I am sure I don't
know why. There must be plenty of
people in a city like this who appreciate
art. And the sign: ‘Miss Jay, Photo
graphs Artistically'Enlarged and Col
ored,’ is big and bright enough, I am
certain. Oh, dear! at this rate,"] hardly
see how I am going to pay my way!”
There was a large family of Jays in the
old red brick house in Garley Court.
The grocery-store occupied the first
floor; there was a dancing-school above,
with sundry rooms dedicated to the use
of the terpsichoreau professor and his
family. And on the third floor dwelt
Mrs. Jay, who took in dressmaking and
plain sewing, and trimmed hats (when
she could get any to trim), and in this
atmosphere of needles aud thread five
little girls had grown up.
Susan had married the eldest son of
the grocer down stairs rather a fall in
life, as Mrs. Jay, whose father’s cousin
had been a clergyman, considered it;
but Mr. Pretzel was very good and kind
to Susy, and allowed the Jay family to
have their groceries at wholesale prices.
After this, Marian was apprenticed to
Madam Colquhouu, the modiste, Kitty
and Sophy were yet school-girls, and
Juliet had boldly struck out into the line
of art.
“I’mso sick of this everlasting stitch,
stitch, stitch!” said she. “The verv
sight of a needle sends a cold chill
through me. And Ido love, scfclearly,
to draw and paint. Mother, do say that
I may!”
“I suppose you 11 do as you’ve a mind
to, anyhow,” said Mrs. Jay, mournfully.
“My girls all do.”
“Oh, mother!” cried Juliet. “If I may
only try, you’ll see that I’ll be a great
artist yet.”
But the more Juliet'Jay painted the
less sanguine she be ame of her powers.
A glimpse into the great world of art
convinced her that divine fire must burn
in any 7 torch that was to be carried into
these grand aisles.
“But I can .only do my best,” said
Juliet, courageously. “If i cau’t be fa
mous, I’ll color photographs as con
scientiously as I can.”
She borrowed a hundred dollars from
Sirs. Pretzel, the grocer's wife, to fur
nish her little studio and pay a month’s
rent in advance, and then she sat down
to await the revelations of the future.
It was discouraging work. And if
Juliet had not made up her mind not to
be easily rebuffed, she might have de
spaired. So many people went by the
sign without turning their heads; so
many only glanced at the little glass
case, screwed beside the door-post,
which contained three of her very best
specimens of photograph coloring, and
one neatly-tinted picture, enlarged from
a dim old daguerreotype, which was sug
gestively disposed beside it.
One or two persons came in during the
week to ask her prices, but they all
seemed to consider that she was too
dear.
“I can’t work without profit,” cried
Juliet, in an agony of despair. “Do
these people think that I have opened
my studio merely to accommodate
them?”
“You’d better have taken up the dress-
making, said Mrs. Jay, in mournful,
minor accents.
“I think,’’ said Marian, soberly, “that
Juliet is aspiring too high.
While Kitty and Sophy, who had had
new jerseys promised them out of Juliet’s
first paying order, began to whisper to
gether, and wonder, in their innocent
little hearts, when the long-expected
customer would come. And it was the
longing - looks of these poor little damsels
that most went to Juliet’s heart.
One dusty, overclouded day in Septem
ber, however, a mud-besplashed country
wagon stopped at the door, a tall, broad
shouldered man of about thirty got out,
and tying an old horse by means of an
inelegant rope halter, came into the
studio. *
“Are you the young lady that enlarges
and colors photographs;” said he.
And Juliet murmured a timid assent.
“Can you do anything with this?” said
he, producing an ancient daguerreotype
of an elderly lady in a mountainous bon
net and a pair of glistening spectacles,
that altogether obscured the eyes of the
picture.
“1 can try,” said Juliet. “Please let
me know which of these specimens you
desire it to resemble in size and style.”
The broad-shouldered young man after j
some hesitation, picked out a pattern.
“What will it cost,” said he— il that
size and in a frame like that?” indicat
ing two different pictures that hung on
the wall.
“Ten dollars,” said Juliet, anxiously
studying his face to see if it would be
too much.
“Agreed!” said the young man.
“And how soon can you have it finished?
I want it right away.”
“I couldn’t possibly promise it before
this day week,” said Juliet, after men
tally reviewing all the possibilities and
probabilities of the situation.”
“Oh, well, that’ll do!” said the swart
faced giant. “Then I’ll call a w r eek from
from to-day. My name is Appleby, and
I live at Sheldon Plains, just across on
the Jersey shore.”
Juliet could scarcely wait for the
studio door to close before she was at
work with her colors and biu^ies.
She ate her lunch of bread and cheese,
and cold coffee, when the bell struck
twelve; and at night, when she came
back from work, Sophy and Kitty
danced about with joy at the good t d
ings she brought.
' The picture was duly finished, paid
paid for and carried away. The chil
dren had their jerseys; Juliet bought a
black ribbon Dow for her mother’s Sun
day bonnet, a rubber toy for Mrs. Pret
zel's Daby, and a tiny volume ot “Every
Day Devotious” for gentle Marian.
On the following Monday the mud
besplashed wagon again made its ap
pearance at the studio door.
“Oh dear!” cried Juliet, apprenens
ively. “I hope the picture is all right!”
“Yes,” the young man answered,
“that picture gave every satisfactiou.
And my Aunt Maria, who is visiting
there now, is so much pleased with it
that she wants you to come out there and
paint her portrait.”
“Can’t she come here?” said Juliet, j
“Bless you, no!” said Mr. Appleby,
laughing. “She never crossed the river
in her life. She’s afraid of ferry-boats
and steam-cars, and travels only by
horse and wagon. But if you don t
mind the journey, she’ll pay you well,
and my mother will be glad ito make you
at home. Perhaps you’ve got a or
a cousin that would like a breath of
country air, and that would be sort of
company for you.”
Juliet thought of MariaD, who com
plained so much of sideache andjf eari
ness in the evenings, ami instantly ac
cepted the quaint proposition.
“I don’t know whether I can paint a
portrait or not, *’ she thought. “But at
least I can try.”
So Martin Appleby came to the ferry
to meet the two girls, the next after
noon; and Marian and Juliet went out
to the farm on the Jersey meadow’s,
where the red apples were just begin
ning to fall, and the grapes hung in
put pie festoons along the stone fences.
“Aunt Marilla” was a fat old w’oinan,
whose face resembled nothing more than
a summer squash, with three beech-nuts
stuck in it, by way of features. Mrs.
Appleby was a plump, comfortable
matron, who called everybody “my
dear,” and kept house as her good Dutch
ancestors had done before her, and
honest Martin was the flower of them all.
'1 he picture took some time longer than
they had calculated, but neither Juliet
nor Marian grudged the delay.
“Marian is* enjoying this country air
so much,” said Juliet.
“Juliet is so absorbed in her art,”
reasoned Marian.
And by the time that Aunt Manila’s
portrait was finished, they were all like
one happy family.
“I didn’t s’pose as city folks could be
so nice,” said Aunt Marilla. “I al’avs
reckoned they was sot up beyond every
thing.”
“I do like the farm so much,” said
Marian, w T ho was helping Mrs. Appleby
to “make over” the one silk gown that
she had had for ten years.
“lalwayss’posed,” said Mrs. Appleby,
“that there was an end of the gown,
because it takes so much material to fix
a fashionable dress in these times, and I
never had but twelve yards of silk. But
Miss Marian she says, says she: ‘Why
don’t you take your satin cloak and
combine the two? It’s what everybody
is doing nowadays, and long cloaks ain’t
worn any more.’ And sure enough,
there’s eight good wide yards of satin in
the cloak, aud I shall have a first class
dress and satin enough left for one o’
these yisites, as they call ’em, into the
bargain. I declare, economy is wealth,
and it’s Miss Marian that has proved it
to me.”
“There ain’t many girls like Miss
Marian Jay,” said Martin, with an ap
prot'ng nod of the head.
Ai d Juliet, glancing suddenly up from
her work, caught his eye, and colored
scarlet. It was as if thought leaped to
thought in their two minds, and each
read the secret of the other’s heart.
“He loves her 1” thought Juliet.
“She thinks I am looldng beyond my
station,” was his idea; “and perhaps
she’s right.”
Juliet did not rest well that night. She
cried herself to sleep in the pretty little
bed-room which looked out over the
winding blue Hackensack River.
“lam a selfish, hateful, mean-spirited
creature,” she thought. “I was vain
enough to think that he cared for me,
and I am vindictive enough to feel a
pang —yes, countless pangs—because he
has discovered that Marian is a thousand
! tfmes fairer and sweeter than I am 1 1
I will discipline myself. I will conquer
these mean grovelings of my base
nature!”
She finished the picture the next day,
and put it in the frame. Aunt Manilla
was delighted with the reproduction of
the summer-squash face with the beech
nut features. Perhaps it was not exactly
a miracle of art, but it represented a
comely old lady’s face, with an excellent
copy of the gold neck-chain and the lace
collar, with enough resemblance to in
sure that there should be no mistake in
identifying it; and the good old soul
cheerfully paid for it a goodly price.
“You are going home?” said Martin.
“But you will leave Miss Marian here a
few days longer. I think my mother
never would get that dress done without
her help?”
“Oh, yes,” said Juliet,trying to smile,
“Marian shall stay. And you needn’t
take the trouble to drive me to the ferry
boat, Mr. Appleby. I can just as well
walk to Sipley’s Cross Koads, and take
the horse-t ars there.”
“Vou can,but I don’t think you will,”
said Martin, quietly. “To speak the
truth, Miss Juliet, I want a good long
talk with you.’’
“Oh!” said Juliet.
But they had gone some distance,
however, before they began to speak.
“Miss Juliet, I’ve made up my mind
to do a very presumptuous thing,” said
he. “To ask you to marry me.”
“Me!” cried Juliet, starting so that
she nearly dropped the basket of big
blue plums, that she was carrying home
to her mother, out of her lap. “You
don’t mean me—you mean Marian!”
“But I do mean you,’’said he sturdily.
“Miss Marian is very sweet and lovelv,
but I don’t think she cares for me, and I
certainly don’t care for her. Don’t
blush so, my darling. Is there anything
very extraordinary in the fact of my lov
ing you?”
iSo it happened that Juliet and Martin
became affianced on the way to the ferry
boat. And .Juliet ran into the little red
brick house in G irley Cdurt with cheeks
all roses, and eves that sparkled like
stars of happy light.
“Oh, mother, mother!” she cried, as
she emptied the blue plums into Mrs.
Jay’s lap, “what do you think? I’ve
promised to marry Mr. Appleby, and go
and live on a farm on the Jersey flats.
And Marian is to live with us, because
the air agrees with her, aud you are all
to come and stay with me whenever you*
please. And lam so happy—oh, so very
happy!”
And even Mrs. Pretzel agreed, with
the rest of the Jays, that Juhet’s art had
done something solid and substantial for
her; while Sophy and Kitty were over
joyed.
“We can pick real daisies in the fields
now,” sa : d Kitty.
“We can have somewhere to spend the
holidays this year,” said Sophy.
And Miss Jay did not require hei
studio after that first quarter, for which
she had paid in advance. —Saturday
Night.
Gossip About Bogota.
At present it takes four days to go by
mule-back from Honda, on the seaeoast
of South America to Bogota. This
Grenada region was originally occupied
by the Chibcha ludians, who were a sort
of American Buddhists, and numbered
three-quarters of a million. Their capi
tal was called Bocata, which has been
corrupted. The elevation of the Capital
is about 8750 feet, and, therefore, no
body can work there more than five
hours a day; bnt one hundred thousand!
people live in Capital, which is a!
dull place, main j£ouilt of adobe houses.:
It costs .*IOOO to pay the freight on a
piano to the city, and yet nearly all the
well-to-do people have pianos. The
street cars are brought over the terrific
mountains in sections, and the rails were
carried by a dozen persons per rail. New
Yorkers own the street railroads, which
charge ten cents. The po ice go on
duty at night; they carry lassoes, and
throw them over thieve* The society
of Bogota is exclusive and they speak
Spanish, but the upper classes make pre
tentions to French. The politicians of
Colombia have more influence than in
any other country, but out of thirty
three Presidents there seventeen have
been Generals. They draw their institu
tions from America, their finances from
England, their morals from the French,
and their eloquence from the Spanish.
Writers and poets abound in the coun
try. Church aud State are perfectly
separated. There are some Protestant
Ministers in the land. Paper money is
general. Some of the hanks pay thirty
percent, dividends a year. Beggars and
’ gamblers are plentiful, and the people
love music. Orchids are sent out of the
country to aristocratic Americans and
Europeans, and these parasites cost from
a cent to thirty ceuts a plant, and bring
in Europe, in some ca>es, SSOO apiece.
Bogota is half a mile further toward th<
sky than the summit of Mount Washing
ton, and yet the neighborhood abounds
in tropical fruits and the streams art
full of fish. Hotels there are bad, and
a New Hampshire woman keeps the chief
American boarding-house.— Cincinnati
\ Enquirer.
S range Fatality at Sea.
A telegram from Madras, India, re
ports an extraordinary fatality at sea-
Soon after the steamship Clan Macin
tosh had left Socotra, a series of deaths
due to asphyxia occurred on board. Thi
steward, accompanied by the butler and
a boy, entered ihe stateroom in tbe por’
hold for tbe purpose of issuing stores
leaving a man on the second deck to re
reive the stores as handed up. The firs
three had hardly reat hed the storeroon
before the were asphyxiated by poison
ous vapors emanating from the hold, anc
the man above was also overcome anc
fell. A fireman saw this man fall and re
ported the matter to the second officer
who immediately descended tire hole
with a lighted lamp. This was extin
guished, and the officer, overcome b]
the gas, tell down. The chief office:
then descended and found the body o
the second officer. He had it hauled u]
with slings and followed it. He thei
descended again and endeavored t<
rescue the others, but fell dead. Tin
second and third engineers, two quarter
masters, and several natives, after re
covering the bodies, were with difficult’
revived. —Jjondon Times.
Energy will do anything that canbf
done in this world, and no talents, nc
cir -umstances, no opportunities wil
make a man without it.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A I>ijji»irieci Courtship Another
E»ay Begun—A Cheek was
What He Wanted—H«
First Trip, Etc.
A pretty Boston school ma'a
And a youth of mien seda,
Were parting in the evening
Beside the garden gate.
His hand and heart he’d oil
In a grave and sober wa,
And she with quiet dignity
Had named the happy day
He lingered at the gate with
And said in accents low:
“There is a little favor
I would ask before I go.
“A favor never asked before.
Ssweet maiden, it is this:
A lover's privilege, that is all,
A sweet betrothal kiss.”
“If you wait,” the ifiaiden whispered,
With her color rising high,
“Till I remove my spectacles
I’ll willingly comply.”
' —Boston Courier.
, Another Day Begun.
“Hush!” he whispered, with a warn
ing gesture. “Isn’t that the night
watchman’s ratties”
“No, Mr. Sampson,” replied the girl,
suppressing a yawn, “that is the cook
grinding the coffee for breakfast.”—
Tim \
A Check Was What He Wanted.
Irate Father (to his wild son) —“Your
extravagance, sir, must be checked!
Son (smiling his gratitude and satis
faction)— “Tiiankyou, father. Sit right
down and write the check now. — Sift
ing*.
His First Trip.
At a hotel hop—Young lady to dude
“Have you danced much this even
ing?”
“Ah, no; this is my first trip.”
“So I see,” remarked the young lady
as the dude tripped over a long train
and sprawled on the floor. —llo et Mai,!.
The Sign Was Right.
Long Island armer—“ Don’t you see
that sign, and what it says.'”
Pat Chogue “How can I, when it's
out ov me soight?”
Farmer—"lt says: ‘No Fishing on
These Grouuds.’”
Pat —“Be gobbs, it’s roight! Nary a
wan have I caught at all.”
She Got One.
Angelica—“ Tell me, Augustus, what
are those funny little boats the fisher
men have?”
Augustus—“ They are smacks.”
“How cute they are! How I should
like to have a little smack.”
Augustus “Your wishes are my law.
Lower your sunshade a trifle and you
ai have a dozen.”
A Shattered Idol.
»us —“Only a day or two ago, .Tack,
you were in raptures over Miss Gushing
ton; you spoke of her ethereal style of
beauty, her sylph-like figure, her trans
cendent eyes; and now you say that all
is over between you, and that you are
goiug to Australia to begin life anew.”
Jack (sadly)—“Ah. yes, Gus, dear
boy; I saw her sucking an orange,”—
New York Bis patch.
Above Suspicion.
Officer —“Look r here, you! What
arc ye doin’ ’round here this time o’
tnornin’?”
Stranger (boldly)—“l’m tendin’ to me
bisness! Wat yer s’pnse?”
Officer —“Oh, ye are! Where did that
chicken come from?”
Stranger (with more under his coat,
savagely i —“lt come from a nog, av
corse! What ’n hazes dd yer tink it
30. ne from! A sody-fountin’?”
A Daily Horror.
Ilussband (hurriedly swallowing his
breakfast)--“Anything now in the paper
this morning, my dear,”’
Wife—“ l es. Tnere was a terrible riot
on the nolo grounds yesterday. ”
Husband with excitement) —
“You dou’t say so! What was it?”
Wife —“During a bail game they
knocked the pitcher out of the box
and pounded him all over the field,
Anally injuring a player so he died on
third. Time.
The Age We Live In.
American Citizen (fifty years ago) —
“My wagon’s broke down and ain’t
worth mendin’. How long will it take
you to build another?”
Wheelwright—“ Wall, lemme see,
’bout six weeks, I guess. I ain’t got much
to do to-morrow; come around and we’ll
talk it over.”
A. 1). 1888. —American citizen (rush
ing in) —“Got any locomotives in
stock?”
builder—“ Not one.”
“We must have another as quick as
possible. How soon will it be done:”
“In sixteen hours.”— Omaha World.
A Wife‘s Little .Joke.
She —“I’m so glad you can stay to tea.
Such a joke as I’m going to have on my
husband. He's always growing about
my cooking, and to-day his mother hap
pened to drop in and 1 got her to make
some biscuit. Won’t he feel cheap
when he begins to criticise and then
finds out his mother made them her
seif.”
HALF AX HOUR LATER.
He—“My dear, you’re becoming an
angel of a cook. These biscuits are as
fine as my mother makes.”— Detroit Free
Press. -
An Inverse Courtship.
He Loved His Brother. “Mabel,”
said Henry, and in spite of hit efforts to
control himself his voice was tremulous,
and he spoke with the air of timid des
peration which marks the elocution of a
man about to ask for the loan of sls.
“Mabel, I do not kneel at your feet (and
he wasn’t, he was sitting bolt upright on
the sofa) to plead for myself. 1 come
here only to think of my brother George.
He —he loves you dearly, Mabel, and
should you refuse his plea, I tremble for
the consequences. He is all alcne in the
world and he wants a sister-in law. Will
you not be one to him?”— Burlington
Ilawkeye.
A Neat Housewife.
She (before marriage) —“Yes, John
dear, I think that cleanliness is certainly
next to godliness. Neatness is a passion
with me. A speck of dust or an untidy
looking room affects me very unpleas
antly.
He (rapturously)—“Ah, darling, wfliat
a wife you will make!”
She after marriage)—“Now, John
Smith. JVe just got the parlor to rights
and the hall swept and the stairs dusted
dywn, and if you expect to come intc
tin ; house with those muddy boots on,
youu! find yourself mistaken.” —Neu
York Dispatch.
Too Great a Risk.
>\ ell you seem to be in first rate
physicil condition,” said the insurance
medical examiner to an applicant. “I
think *ou will do. Mr. Smith (turning
to the agent) I think I can report this
risk good one—oh, by the way (to the
applicant) do you know how to play
baseball ?”
“Why certainly.”
“Do you think you know enough
about it to umpire a game?”
“Yes, I could umpire a game; but—”
Mr. Smith, take him away. Company
can’t have anything to do with him.”—
Merchant Traveler. • *
An Indian’s Contempt for Soldiers
At the club the other night, a group
of Western men were telling anecdotes
of frontier life. Here is one w r hich
struck me as being particularly good.
Those who have been in the “far West”
and have lived among frontier men will
appreciate it, I dare say. In the course
of the Indian war of 1882, it seems,
General Sherman paid a visit to Camp
Apache, in Arizona. While there, a huge
red-skin, who was captain of the scouts,
followed the General wherever he went,
and frequently begged as a present one
of the small cannons standing on the
parade ground. Finally the General im
patiently turned to the Indian, exclaim
ing:^
“What do you want with the cannon,
anyway? Do you want to kill my sol
diers with it?”
“No,” replied the Indian in his gut
tural voice; “want to lull cow-boys.
Kill soldiers with a club.” — New York
Tribune.
For. ?of Habit.
“Docs the raor hurt you?’
No reply.
, “Is the draft too strong?”
No reply.
“Shall 1 shut the door?”
No reply.
“Think Cleveland will be re-elected?”
No reply.
“Awful fire in New Y'ork last night!”
Nd reply.
Shave you pretty close?” m
No reply.
“Getting very warm now?”
No reply.
“That was a heavy thunder storm last
night 1”
No reply.
“Shampoo?”
No reply.
“Trim your hair up a little?”
No reply.
“Hrilliantine on the moustache?”
No “reply.
“Bay rum?”
No reply.
Then the country barber, who was all
alone in the breezy shop, sat down
greatly refreshed, lie had been shaving
himself.— Tuck.
Useful Hints About Cased Birds.
Feed no hemp.
Give your bird a name.
Keep vour pets tame,but do not fondle
them.
Don’t forget the bird's bath during
hot weather.
Let the floor constantly be strewn with
gravel or sand.
Two-thirds of the canaries in the
country are called “Dicky.”
Never put birds in painted cages.
Gilt cages cost very little more.
Hand-raided mocking birds always
make hardier cage birds than trapped
ones.
A piece of copperas the size of a pea,
in the drinking water, makes an excel
lent tonic.
Watch that pet cat of yours. Cats and
pet birds never have iron-clod bonds of
friendship.
American-bred canaries are not. as a
rule, as fine singers as the imported Ger
man varieties.
Never feed “bird manna” oranyothei
“patent applied for” foods. Plain diet
is what they want.
The Goldfinch is a pweet singer, hav
ing a clear metallic ring with modulated
power, and very soft.
The varieties of canaries are the Ger
man, American, Cinnamon, Norwich,
French, Scotch Fancy, Belgian. York
shire, London Fancy, Lizard and Man
chester Coppy.
The varieties of parrots-are the Mari
caibo, Blue Hock Macaw, Yellow-head
Mexican, Cuban, Gray, Cockatoo, Blue
Mountain Lory, King Lory and Blue
liead Amazon. —Guide and Friend.
A Unique Kind of Dumb-Bells.
An Augusta boy who went regularly
to the Young Men’s Christian Associa
tion gymnasium last winter became much
interested in developing his muscle. He
had been told the best way to do this
was to swing Indian clubs, beginning
with a light pair and gradually increas
ing the weight as he became stronger.
As this would necessitate the purchase
of several pairs of clubs, which he could
ill afford, he hit upon the following
scheme: He was the owner of two pups
which, though small in size, possessed
to a remarkable degree that tenacity of
grip for which the bulldog is justlv cele
brated. He easily taucht each of thess
to fix his teeth in the end of a short
stick, and then taking one of the sticks
m each hand he waved them about his
head in some of the simple movements.
As the dogs grew his strength increased,
and now he may be seen in easy posture
performing all the graceful gyrations of
an expert club swinger with two wooden
handles, to the ends of which a couple
of 13-pound bull dogs hang by their
teeth with a death-like grip.— Lewistown
(Me.) Journal.
Miss De Jinks—“Are you musical,
Professor Jorkins?” Professor Jorkins
“Yes: but, if you are going t© play,
don’t mind my feelings.”
THAT LAST, LAST NIGHT.
The moon hung glorious in the sky,
As heart to heart, and eye to eye,
Unheeding all the hours flew by
That last, last nig ht.
The trees were brilliant red ami gold -
How passing sweet the story told—
Ah! never long and never old—
That last, last night.
IV e pledged each other to attain
. To Pisgah bights of heart and braTn,
And each to each should true remain,
That last, last night.
A our hand, electric to my own,
A our lips more precious than a throne,
Were mine, ah, joy! and mine alone,
That last, last night.
I wonder, if in years to be,
You will remember glade and tree*
And whispered vows of constancy,
That last, last night!
—Sarah K. Bolton, in Detroit-Fee* Press*
PITH AND POINT.
Light minded—The gas man.
Still life—ln a whisky factory.
Drawers of water—Marine artists.
A little shaver—A barber’s apprentice.
Teh girl who won’t be won, remains
one.
Deaf old age is, after all, the “hey”
day of youth.
Do the pages at Washington constitute
American history?
Musical dicky birds no doubt prefer
the “Song of the Shirt.”
Men are inclined to accept a pretty
woman at her face value.
T he fortune teller is apt to find in her
old age some of her palmiest days.
Among the fresh novelists is Mr. Saltus,
of New York . Washington Critic.
Opportunities are like vacant lots.
They must be improved to be profitable.
The King of the Dudes has been mar
ried about six months and is now sub
lude.
Now is the time to cone Bate the girl’
father or make friends with the dog.—
Merchant Traveler.
Why is a doctor like a broken windlass:
Bee .use he can draw nothing from the
well.— I VaYdngton. Critic.
Fond Mother—“Do you like babies,
Mr. Crusty?” Ciuty—“Er—yes, when
they’re grown up.” Jiulg .
“Will the coming man perspire?”
queries a scientist, lie will if he comes
on a run.— J- : .ngha»»-lon Tepubli an.
The reason that birds clean out a fruit
tree so quickly is that they take the fruit
away a peck at « time.— Bouton Bulletin
If we could see ourselves as others see
us, some of us would sea ourselves a
great deal better than we really are.—
Detroit Tv e Tie s.
She—“Oh, ain't that pitcher just too
swret for anything? He—“ Well, I
notice they ain't getting no flics off him.
—New lla on News.
Sheridan, the wit, bribed a man by
promising him a candle-snuffer’s place,
which Canning said was a “tiagrans
delictum”—burning shame.
“I will now disguise myself so that
3ven my most intimate acquaintance
would not recognize me,” said the tramp
is he entered the free bath. —Hotel Mill.
The roses smell sweet
And the groceries cneesy
The ladies took neat
And the butter spreads easy.
— Oil City Buzzard.
A phrenologist says that “fullness
under the eyes denotes language.” When
the fullness is caused by another man’s
fist it denotes very, bad language, gen
erally.
Miss Highborn—“l tell you, Mr. Wild
west, there is nothing like blood here in
the East.” Wildwest—“lt’s the same in
the West. We always keep it on tap.”
—Burlington Free Tress.
A camping enthusiast loudly declares
His kind of vacation immense,
For the man who a cooi canvas dwelling
place shares,
Finds living a pleasure in tents.
—Boston Budget.
>7ow it is announced that the troupe
of Bussian musicians who play twenty
four pianos simultaneously is coming to
this country next season, and vve are
still without a navy and coast defences.
—Boston Tost.
“Oh, Mrs. Smith, do please introduce
Mr. Jones over there to me.” “It’s no
good, dear, he won't dance.” “No, I
know, but I want to sit out with him;
he goes with my dress so beautifully.”—
London Judy.
“What’s that awful racket in the back
room?” inquired a customer of one of
the clerks; “somebody trying to yell the
roof off!” “It’s the silent partner, sir;
the firm is after him lor more money.”—
New York Sun.
She (looking at the sea'—“How grand,
how glorious, George, it is to watch the
angry waves as they lash themselves
against the shore.” He (with equal
sestaev, but less fluency) —“Y"es, and
how damp it seems.”
An Allentown tailoring firm employs a
young woman to collect from swell cus
tomers who are inclined to shirk paying
honest debts. This seems to explode the
old saying that woman’s work is never
dun. ” — Norristown Herald.
Oh, the skeeter possesses an airy wing,
Arik it helps him to hustle around,
A\ like lie's somewhat, alas! inclined to sing
And tiis voice has a dolefui sound
As re bores away with his little sting
Till we wish we were under the ground.
—Boston Budget.
Woman (to tramp)—“Why don’t ye
buy your food ’stead o’ beggin’ it?”
Tramp—“ Madam, I’m too poor to buy
even toothpicks.” Woman “That so?
What d’ye do fer toothpicks?” Tramp
—“I have to use barbed wire fences.” —
New York Sun.
“I don’t see,” said Mr. McGuire, as he
sat in the stern of the vessel, “how the
captain can find his way across the
ocean. If he was going the other way,
all he'd have to do would be to follow
that white stieak behind there, but in
front there’s nothing to point the way.”
— Harper's Bazar.
It is stated on reliable authority that
Miss Mathilda Sheckels will marry
the Duke of Bangkrupsie.in the autumn.
Mr. Shcekels came to this country forty
years ago and is worth $10,000,000 to
day. lie has given an order to a florist
to make a grand floral emblem for the
wedding, bearing the words: “From
the steerage to the peerage.” —New York
Sun.