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TRENTON, GEORGIA.
John Most, the New York Anarchist,
Bays that there are 500,000 Socialists in
the United States.
If the arming of the German cutrass
iers with lances proves a success, the
dragoons and hussars will be armed in
the same wav.
A recent official publication estimates
the average annual decrease of the In
dians aiC nearly 2000. Their present total
number in the United States, exclusive
«f Alaska, is about 245,000.
There have been 355 persons arrested
in the United States during the current
year for violation of the laws against
•counterfeiting, etc. Seventy have been
convicted and sentenced to imprison
mnent. __________________
The work of the United States Fish
'Commissioners is appreciated. Begin
ning in 1868 with one hatchery and
SIOOO appropriation, they now '
hatcheries and an annual app
of about $25,000.
The Cincinnati Enquirer decl.
the source of all yellow fever which this
country has, or ever has had, is Cuba.
She should be cleaned up or cleared out.
It is nothing but miserable mismanage
ment which makes that beautiiul island
a breeding-place for pestilence.
In the manufacture of cotton the
United States is the second nation in the
world, led only by Great Britain, which
uses fifty per cent, more thau this coun
try. We Consume two and one-half
times as much raw cotton as Germany,
and three times as much as France.
Robert Harding, a young English So
cialist, when he wants to make a speech
on the streets or public squares, padlocks
himself with a chain to an iron fence or
some similar fixture. Then when the
police come to take him in they have to
spend a long time in getting him un
fastened, and he can make a pretty long
speech before he is carried off.
An English farmer who has been in
vestigating the caterpillar pest, which is
proving so destructive to the fruit and
nut crops in Kent, lias concluded that
the spawn which produced the caterpil
lars was deposited by the swarms of
butterflies which swept the coasts last
autumn, and which were supposed to
have been driven over from the conti
nent by the storms.
English railroads do not cut prices,
observes the Detroit Free Preis, but they
do cut time and have the fastest trains
in.the world. The Flying Scotchman
used to do 394 miles in nine hours. A
rival put on a train that equals this, and
now the Scotchman does the distance in
eight hours. Notwithstanding the great
speed of the English railroads they killed
only 121 passengers last year.
South London is to have a new under
ground railroad. It is being built sixty
feet under ground. Passengers are to
reach it by hydraulic elevators, to carry
fifty persons at once. The tunnel is being
driven by the use of a steel shield slightly
larger than the iron rings of which the
tunnel is to be constructed. The steel
•hield has a knife edge, and is driven
forward at the rate of fifteen feet a day
by hydraulic rams worked by hand.
Sheriff Grant, of New York, accord
ing to the Courier-Journal, has declared
that he would not hold his present office
after January 1, for five times the present
value of the position, which is SIO,OOO
per year. The new law requiring exe
cutions in New York to be by electric
shock goes into effect on the date named,
and Sheriff Grant fears that it might
fall to his lot to execute a criminal and
that thereby his name might become in
some way attached to the new system.
•
The Khedive of Egypt has, by a de
cree, taxed laud devoted to the growing
of tobacco in his domains $157.50 an
acre, and the Egyptians have refused to
grow tobacco. The result is, remarks
Frank Leslie's, that, instead of the usual
crop of 13,000,000 pounds, not more
than 1,000,000 pounds are expected this
year, whereat our Maryland tobacco man
ufacturers particularly rejoice. Virginia
and North Carolina will also profit; but
Mary land is entitled to assume that her
products wiii be most in demand, be
cause the Balt more tobacco has been
made the official tobacco of France.
A leading Chicago restaurateur, avers
the Prairie Farmer, comes pretty near
solving the problem of how to furnish
the poor with good food at almost
nominal cost. He will buy the entire
carcass of beef at an average cost of
eight and one-half cents a pound, re
serve for his restaurant the choice por
tions that would cost him twenty-two
cants a pound, aad with the remainder
make soup. With the meat and bread
he proposes to furnish from a large
kitchen »t five cents a meal, excellent
food to individuals and families. The
scheme is not a charitable one, but purely
a business venture, run for profit.
The French Government is sab j j- aVB
ordered 20,000 portable cool stoves
for camp use for the arr q-^ c in .
ventor, on a test, serv. d U p a (Jinnee 0 (
three courses for thirty persons a cost
for heating and coc a t Jess than
four cents. lie use steam es the basis
of his heat.
An imperis’e nknso has been issued in
Russia extending the term of military
service from fifteen to eighteen years, five
years ir* the active army and thirteen
years i.n the reserves. The annual con-
Vmgont of recruits, which in the last
yer.rs numbered about 235,000, is raised
for the present year to 250,000.
\iu ys the New York Pod: “The Liber
al journals in Belgium are calling atten
tion to the great increase in tbe number of
Mouvcnts in the kingdom. In the thirty
four years from 1840 to 1880 the number
of such establishments increased from
773 to 1599, and the number of inmates
from 11,908 to 25,302. In the Province
of Luxemburg, where until recently
monks were almost unknown, there are
now quite a number of monasteries. In
the town of Bruges, the capital of West
Flanders, it appears that the religious
bodies maintain no less than forty
houses.”
The statue of Marion F. Wells, the
discoverer of gold in California, i 3 a
bronze backwoodsman ten feet high,
clad in fiannel shirt, top boots and
slouch hat, holding a nugget in the right
hand, while the left points downward.
The gesture is explained by the fact that
the monument will stand on Marshall
Hill, El Dorado county where Marshall
found the gold. The figure will be
placed on a pedestal and mound twenty
five feet high, undone panel of the hex
agonal shaft will bear a bronze relief,
showing Sutter’s mill. Other decora
tions to tbe monument are miner’s tools,
logging camp, saw and ax, the seal ol
California, and a frieze with a pine cone
as a motif.
Mrs. James Nader lives on a small farm
near Pottstown, Penn. A year ago she
was the mother of twenty-two living
children, the youngest being a few
months old. There was a mortgage for
$550 on the little Nader property. The
holder of the mortgage one day, a year
ago, said in a joking way to Mrs. Nadei
that if her family numbered twenty-four
children within the coming year he
would lift the mortgage. A few days
ago he called to collect the year’s interest
on the debt. Mrs. Nader quietly con
ducted him to a cradle iu her sitting
room, exhibited to him a pair of three
weeks’ old twins, and reminded him of
his promise. The mortgage was can
celled and the twins presented with SIOO
besides. _
There are still some old-fashioned
bandits in the world, muses tbe Times-
Democrat. One Beitullah, a Turk, has
shown himself worthy to have lived
days when brigandage, under one name
or another, was the only profession for
a gentleman. Beitullah had long wooed
a beautiful girl named Aishe, and he
finally won her by force, carrying her
off in a raid upon Guebzah, where she
lived. The ceremony was duly per
formed in the presence of his followers,
and on its conclusion the bridegroom
wrote to the officials of Guebzah, in
forming them of the wedding and re
questing them to properly register it.
He threatened them with terrible ven
geance if they failed to thus legalize his
wedding.
The growth and magnitude of the
United States, states the New
York Graphic , are brought out very
strikingly in a little volume of sixty
pages just issued by the Treasury Depart
ment, entitled “Receipts and Disburse
ments of the United States for the Fiscal
Year ending June 30, 1887,” Over a
million of dollars a day, including Sun
days—that is what the jkatement of re
ceipts shows. The total gross receipts
of the year were $371,404,277. That is
several millions more than the year be
fore, and in fact is more than any year
except war times. The Customs service
paid $218,000,000 of it, internal revenue
$118,000,000, public lands $10,000,000,
miscellaneous $23,000,000. As to the
other side, the grand total of expenses is
set down at $207,000,000. That leaves
a net profit for the year’s business of
over $100,000,000. Of the disburse
ments $40,000,000 were for salaries, $68,-
000,000 for ordinary expenses, $14,000
000 for public works, and $137,000,000
for unusual and extraordinary expenses,
meaning pensions, war claims, head
stones for soldiers’ graves, maintenance
of soldiers’ homes, etc. There are some
curious points among the incidentals of
the expenses. It shows, for instance,
the salaries of the much groaned about
navy to be less than a quarter of a mill
ion a year, while those of the War De
partment are four times as much, and
those of the Treasury officials ten times
as much as the navy salaries. The
salaries aid mileage of Congress are esti
mated at over $2,000,000 a year.
Mrs. Captain Tom is the name of the
richest Indian in Alaska. She is worth
about s2o,ooo,and lives royally at Sitka,
surrounded by slaves, bhe lately joined
the Presbyterian Mission.
Queen Margherita, of Italy, is popu
larly called “The Queen of Hearts.”
the Lazy man.
Pm the la ziest 'man, I reckon, that a mortal
ever seed I
Grot money ? Narya dollar! I wasn’t built
fer greed,
Eter graspin’ an’ fer gripin’ where the revenue
is found;
I’m what you call a lazy ’un—jes’ built fer
lyin' round!
Contented? Mighty right I am; when spring
win Is whisper sweet.
In the meadows where the daisies make a
carpet fer your feet;
Where the nestin’ birds are chirpin’; where
the brook, in witch in’ play,
Goes laughin’ on, a-pushin’ all the lilies out
of his way.
You’ll find me almost any time a lyin’ at my
ease,
With the lull song o’ the locust and the
drowsy drone o’ bees
Above me and aroun’ me: I’m a poet in my
way,
An’ I rather hear the birds sing ’an to shoot
’em any day!
“Jes’ laziness,” they tell me, an’ I reckon they
are right;
But the world’s so full o’ beauty, an’ you
can't see much at night!
But different folks has different minds, nor
drink from the same cup;
When I’m talkin’ to the lilies, they’re a-plow
in’ of em’ up.
My field’s a pasture for the cows, an’ though
it never pays,
It’s a source of pleasure to me jes’ ter see
the creatures graze!
The tinkle, tinkle o’ the beds is such a pleas
in’ sound,
But I’m 'a lazy chap, you know, jes’ built fer
lyin’ round!
— F. L. Stanton.
A SENATORS STORY*
BY HON. GEORGE G. TEST.
[Several years ago, at the request of some
Missouri boys, in whom he felt an interest,
United States Senator Vest wrote a story for
a little paper they were publishing. The
story was printed anonymously, however,
und few of those who had an opportunity of
reading it knew who th 9 author was. The
Senator has given permission for tha story
to be republished under his own name. It is
as follows:]
In 1863, while passing through a vil
lage in Mississippi, I was approached by
a surgeon of the Confederate army with
inquiry as to my name and place of na
tivity. As I had no special reason for
withholding the desired information I
was told that my cousin, Charley S ,
from Kentucky, had been badly wounded
in a recent fight with the enemy and
was then lying in the hospital at that
place and in a critical condition.
“He is badly o!T,” said the doctor,
“mentally and physically, and unless
some one takes a special interest in him,
and in the right way. he will die.”
> Charley and myself had been raised
together, but had not met for years. In
early manhood our paths in life had
widely diverged. I had gone to the far
West, and on the breaking out of the
war had entered the Confederate service
from Missouri, whilst he had become a
citizen of Mississippi and had been in the
same service from the beginning of
hostilities with the command of General
Chalmers.
A very few minutes’ walk brought me
to the hospital where Charley lay with
hundreds of other gallant fellows, wait
ing for the result—life or death.
The sepulchral light in the shadowy
room, the half suppressed moans of
agony, the weird shapes of the Sisters of
Mercy noiselessly living from couch to
couch, were not chW ful, to say the least,
and when I looked down at the poor,
wan, emaciated form before me, stretched
upon a cot, and realized that this was
what war had left of the glad-hearted,
robust friend of my boyhood—well, I
was rather disposed to give up a few of
“my rights in the Territories,” if they
would let me live peaceably in the States.
“Charley,” saidl, “old fellow, do you
kpow me?”
“Yes,” he whispered, whilst a faint
gleam of light came into his eyes; “I
heard you were here and sent for you.”
I sat there, and the deepening shadows
came about silence unbroken save
by a groan, whilst memory went back to
our boyhood, his and mine, the old hills
and the shining river, with the bridge
hanging across it, and the road running
up and around the cliffs, like a serpent,
undulating through the trees and rocks,
the schoolhouse and the old church,
with the high pulpit and the hard, hard
seats, where we sat on each recurring
Sabbath, with eyes fixed on the preacher,
until our cervical vertebre seemed to be
parting. Oh, how we longed then to be
men! What dream of adventure, travel,
war, flitted before us as “seventeenthly,”
“eighteenthly” and “in conclusion my
dear friends,” fell from those venerable
lips ’
Well, we had become rrfbn, and here
was the end, a bed of agony and a
soldier’s death! Deeper fell the shadows
and memory still lingered amidst the
scenes of the far-off past. How the
cold, stern features of that austere
Presbyterian, under whose teachings we
were reared, became softened by the dim
twilight of the years ago. Father,
mother, teacher, minister, where are
they? Ask the marble gleaming in the
moonlight on those Kentucky hills. And
how they taught us our duty both to God
and man. Hard, severe, tyrannical, we
thought it then. But now, softened by
time, we see thv surpassing love which
was in it all.
The mind is at times disposed to vaga
bondize and to dwell upon subjects
utterly b* variance with all our sur
roundings. How often in some holy
place do we find unholy thoughts press
ing upon us? Ilow often with the bier
and grave do we find some ludicrous
idea dancing, harlequin-like, by our
side ? And so, sitting there in the gloom
by the bedside of death, I actually
laughed aloud as the image of “Old
Put” came out upon the canvas memory
of the past.
“Ola Put” was an old horse belonging
to my father, and named from patriotic
motives after the New England hero,
General Israel Putnam, whose famous
.gailop down a precipice in his apocryphal
escape has served to illustrate every
Bchool history for fifty years, and has
sent that illustrious warrior down to
posterity, indissolubly connected with a
horse. In color, “Old Put” was white;
in disposition, amiability itself. Never
in all the outrages and reiks committed
upon him by whole Loops of children
was he ever known to extiibit the slight
est impatience, while to the old and in
firm he was a palladium of safety.
Dignified, affable and venerated, bath
on accoun.c of ago and character, “Old
Put” wr,s an institution. There was
nothing frivolous about him, nothing
erratic. In short, he was the embodi
ment of Presbyterian ideas, in the shape
of a horse. One thing only in his per
sonal appearance did not sustain his
general character as it was known to all.
In early life, probably while owned by
some irreligious horse fancier, rat’s tail
had been nicked, and from earliest recol
lection it presented the appearance of a
ghastly weeping willow, being always
carried at an angle of forty-five degrees,
the white hair floating from it like the
locks of some venerable patriarch.
Now, like all boys worthy the name,
Charley and myself were mighty hunters,
and in the fall when wild pigeons passed
over the woods of Kentucky in vast
droves, we reveled in the sport of hunt
ing. This season only lasted for a few
weeks, and every Saturday, therefore,
was eagerly expected and gloriously
spent.
Never can we forget the sacrifices of
personal property, dear to our hearts, the
trades and artifices and shifts of ail sorts
to which we resorted in order to obtain
ammunition for these autumnal hunts.
One Friday afternoon, in the mid it of
the pigeon season, when we could look
from t.he school-house window and see
drove after drove of birds darkening the
sky. Charley came to me with the infor
mation that he had secured, by a master
stroke of enterprise, a large amount of
powder, with shot in proportion, for the
next day, and we proceeded to map out
all the details of the hunt. The envy of
every other boy in the school was excited
by our boasts of what we proposed to do
on the morrow, and in our anticipated
success we went back to past exploits,
many of them imaginary: »
Thrice fought our battles o’er again,
And thrice we slew the slain.
The morrow came, but instead of the
“sun of Austerlitz,” the heavens were
shrouded in gloom, and the rain flooded
the earth the long dreary day. Moodily,
desperately, Charley and myself sat
gazing through the dripping windows,
asking each other over and over the
savage questions: “What shall we do?”
and “Why does it always rain on Satur
day?” We were just in that condition of
mind when Satan makes his appearance,
and in a bland, respectable, gentlemanly
way, as Goethe tells us, proposes some
infernal scheme of ruin. On that event
ful day his Satanic majesty, true to his
antecedents, intruded himself and
prompted Charley to suggest that we
slip off and go hunting the next day,
Sunday.
At first the proposition was received
with horror, then we discussed it with
“bated breath,” and finally we illus
trated the truth of that much hackneyed
quotation, “vice is a monster of such
frightful mien,” etc., by arranging all
the preliminaries. Charley was to take
charge of the ordnance department and
have guns and ammunition at a
certain secluded spot very early
the next morning. and I
was to be responsible for the transporta
tion, and to meet him with an ancient
family chaise and “Old Put.” That
night I crept to bed with a feeling of
guilt and pretermitted my usual prayers.
A dozen times I determined to abandon
the unholy enterprise, and even after I
fell into a troubled sleep all sorts of
spectral Visions floated around me. A
negro boy, whom I had suborned for the
purpose, waked me up at an early
hour, and my courage having partially
returned, I managed to secure the chaise
with “Old Put,” and met Charley at the
rendezvous. In safety, without being
seen by a single person, we reached the
open country, and then, flinging to the i
winds all reflections as to consequences,
we proceeded to elevate our feet above the
dashboard of the old cha : se and to |
smoke two very long but common cigars,
the only luxury of that kind our limited
exchequer could afford, Suddenly, at
a sharp turn in the road, we encountered
the ancestral family carriage of ’Squire
Joe Roberts, containing tbe Roberts
family, consisting of the father
and three maiden daughters, on
their way to the church at
an utterly unprecedented hour in the
morning. Old Pomp, a gray-haired
Ethiopian, sat in sober majesty on the
driver's seat, driving two family animals
as faithful hira-elf. To the casual ob
server the vehicle and its attachments
were eminently suggestive of patriarchal
dignity and domestic propriety, but to
me it suggested nothing but agony and
tears. The Roberts family were staunch
Presbyterians and noted for their strict
observance of the Sabbath, and I knew
that every orthodox Presbyterian felt
himself as much called upon before God
to inquire into tbe cause of any child be
ing at large on the Sabbath day and to
apprehend and deliver that chdd up to
its proper guardian as to assist a neigh
bor whose cattle had broken out and
were straying from the proper inclosure.
My first impulse was to hide that vil
lainous cigar, which I int litively felt
gave me a lawless and ruffianly appear
ance, and with the quickness of thought
I thrust it down into the outside pocset
of my coat. Charley and myself were
side by side, and unfortunately my hand
with the burning cigar went into his
pocket and ui on the tightly wrapped
paper of powder.
At the same moment ’Squire Roberts
discovered the extraordinary turnout,
comprising “Old Put” and two children
of the church, loose on Sunday morning.
The Roberts vehicle step: ed, and as
Pomp proceeded to dismount from his
perch to open the carriage door there
was an explosion, such as my nervous
system has never experienced since.
Charley and myself separated immediate
ly. He went over the fence into a
meadow and I passed clear over or
through the Roberts carriage, I have
never been certain which. Amidst the
shrieks of the Misses Roberts and the yells
of the ’Souire and old Pomp I sprang to
my feet, burning and half dead, to be
hold a scene of utter ruin. Roth vehi
cles were wrecked. Pomp was in the
midst of the debris and ’Sqtlire Roberts
looked like the captain of an exploded
steamboat, but the central figure was
that of ‘*l ?ld Put. ” True to his military
title, that venerai animal stood his
ground, but terribly demoralized. He
had been blown forward or his fore
quarters. while his tail stuck s'raight up,
bald and blackened like a charred stump
after a forest fi:e
It is hardly necessary to pursue the
subject further. Carried back in dis
grace on that bright Sabbath morning,
we were swathed and bandaged with
cruel kindness for days afterwards,
i Special prayers were made for us at
church and prayer meeting. All the
Sunday-school scholars were brought to
see us us a warning, whilst the doctor
und minister alternated in physicing
us bodily and spiritually.
But the disastrous consequences did
not end here. “Old Put” from that day
was no longer the same horse. From
having been the kindest and best and
safest animal in Kentucky he became
“Satan’s own,” and at Christmas, when
the firecrackers bsgan their annual fusil
-1 nde. he was perfectly restless.
“Charley, ‘do you recollect ‘Old
Put?”’
A faint ripple of laughter satisfied me
there was hope for him yet.
"When the surgeon came on his nightly
round Charley was better, and in three
days out of danger. Maimed and dis
figured for “the land he loved,” he is
married and living in Mississippi, and
has no doubt told his children the storv
of our Sunday pigeon hunt and “Old
Put.”— Atlanta Constitution.
WISE WORDS.
Mirth becomes a feast.
Many cooks ne’er made good kale.
Huuger makes raw beans relish well.
Fortune can take away riches, but not
courage.
/hie right to live involves the purpose
to live right.
He who knows most grieves most for
wasted time.
Laughter and song are the heart’s
rivers of Hope.
The amenities of life make the true
beauty of living.
Life is a continual routine in whatever
guise it assumes.
A smile through tears is the soul’s
rainbow of peace.
Kindness is the golden chain by which
society is bound together.
Good breeding is like affection; one
cannot have too much of it.
Men exist for the sake of one another.
Teach them or bear with them.
Small and steady gains give compe
tency with tranquility of mind.
Dishonesty, duplicity and falsity of
character are business mistakes.
Men are apt to be more concerned for
their credit, tfian for their cause.
The wise man knows he knows noth
ing; the fool knows he knows all.
A wise man will be more anxious to
deserve a fair name than to possess it.
Blessed confidence ' of childhood
religion itself has no profounder lesson.
Act well at the moment and you will
have performed a good action to all
eternity.
The effect of noble thoughts, just
principles, and, elevated conceptions, is
never lost.
When we have one fact found us, we
are very apt to supply the next out of
our own imagination.
A New Aid to Surgery.
Police Surgeon Oldshue has pur
chased for the Department of Public
Safety an apparatus which, it is ex
pected, will be of immense benefit in
certain cases of shoooing, stabbing, etc.,
that are brought to the attention of the
police at the various police station
houses. Many of the wounds which are
received by people in fights are in the
abdomen, and this apparatus is for the
purposes of determining whether the in
testines are injured, a very important
point in the treatment of persons so
situated.
By au explanation afterward afforded
the use of this apparatus will be a
means of saving many a man’s life.
The apparatus has lately been invented,
and Police Surgeon Oldshue and Dr. Fol
lock have been the first to test its virtues
here. It consists of a rubber retort, to
which is attached a long rubber tube,
and is very simple a 9 it appears laid out
in a doctor’s office. Supposing that a
man is brought to one of the station
houses, shot or stabbed in the abdomen,
it is difficult to tell whether any of the
intestines are punctured. The retort is
filled with hydrogen gas, which the sur
geon can easily prepare, and this gas is
injected into the vital parts with con
siderable pressure. A tube is placed in
the wound, and if there is a wound in
the intestines the gas is bound to
come out by way of the wound and into
the tube.
By applying a lighted match to the
end of the tube it can be seen whether
the gas is escaping; for, if the gas is
there it will ignite. On the other hand,
if there is no wound in the intestines the
gas will escape by way of the mouth,
and by means of proper instruments
there and the application of a light, it
can be seen if the hydrogen gas is thus
escaping.
A reporter, in talking with Police
Surgeon Oldshue, last night, about the
new apparatus, inquired:
“But is not hydrogen gas highly ex
plosive? and is it not unsafe to intro
duce it into the body in such a form?”
Dr. Oldshue replied: “That is the
opinion; but Dr. Stines, the inventor of
the apparatus, has followed the plan
with great sueqe-s, as has Dr. Mordecai
Price, of Philadelphia. They have
shown that this is not only innocuous,
but an absolute diagnosis of intestinal
wounds.”
“Well, but of what benefit is such a
knowledge?”
“If the intestine is wounded the opera
tion of laparotomy can be performed by
the opening of the abdomen, and the
wound of the intestine taken up and the
catgut ligatures applied to bring the
edges together, and with general anti
septic treatment the patient has a much
greater chance of recovery. It will afford
every opportunity to save the lives of
persons stabbed or shot, or otherwise
wounded in the abdomen.”
Dr. Pollock asked that he be called
for the first case, where the doctor would
make the experiment. Not long ago a
Pole was shot in Soho, and Police Sur
geon Cldshue was called to. attend him.
The wound was in the abdomen. Drs.
Oldshue and Pollock went to at: end him,
and Dr. Oldshue decided to try the new
apparatus. By the action of the hydrogen
gas it was found that there was no ab
dominal wound. It was further decided
then that the patient be not operated ou,
but kept quiet, though the bullet was lu
his boay. A few days sutiicad ior the re
covery of the Pole showing that, for the
first case at least, the apparatus made*
correct diagnosis.—P* ttibarq Dispatch.
A SONG OF DREAMS,
A dream of a merry child at play,
Biue eyed and fair, froli -some, gay,
Glad as the birds in the springtime ar y,
Sorrows afloat like clouds atar,
Careless of trouble, untouched by fear,
Singing her way through the golden year..
A dream of a woman, old and gray,
rinkied and bent, wending her way
Lomesomely toward the last milestone,
Where the grim, dark shadow of death itf
thrown,
Storm stained and weary, and worn with
care—
The candle of life at its final flare.
A dream of a grave in a churchyard lone,
Neglected, drear, with weeds o’ergrown,
With only the chirp of the cricket’s song,
As it sings in the grass the whole night long.
To break the silence that brood so deep
Where the worn out soul and body sleep.
—Susie M. Best, in Home Journal.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
In a nutshell—Sweet meats.
Born to rule—A book-keeper.
Notes of the day—Sight drafts.
Worth its weight in gold—Gold.
He “whoops ’em up”—The cooper.
Awaiting its turn—A buckwheat cake.
The bent of many a man’s inclination
is crooked.
Lame men have running expenses tha
same as other folks.
Keep your conscience but not your
farm void of a fence.
Strange to say, elastic has its greatest
snap when it’s “broke.”
The bottom of a gun-barrel is always a
good base for a charge.
The chief disease of a miser is attack*
of tightness of the chest.
Paste diamonds are so called because
people get stuck on them so often.
When a physician loses his skill it
naturally follows thot he is out of prac
tice.
An imposing sight—A street fakir,
selling brass watch”cases as solid gold
watches.
Shakespeare advised his readers .to
throw physic to the dogs. He is silent
about cats.
A little up-town boy 13 so fond of
whipped cream that he licks the dish.—
Drake's Magazine.
Big Head is the name of a prominent
Sioux Chief. His Sioux-de-nym as it
were. — Philadelphia Press.
Some men are born witty. Others
have a good memory and some witty
friends.— Somerville Journal.
Determining the weight of an eel is all
guess work. You can’t weigh a fish
without scales. Ottawa Bee.
Signor Casus Belli, the celebrated
Italian, is still trying to foment trouble
in Europe.— Detroit Free Press.
The sweet girl graduate about this
time is getting sour over the kitchen
range, learning how to cook.— Somerville
Journal.
“Poor childless wish!” exclaimed;
Fogg, when Fenderson spoke of his wish
being father to his thought.— Boston,
Transcript.
Blobson—“Don’t you think that
Dempsey rather plays the fooli” Popin
jay— “No, sir; I think he works at the!
job.”— Burlington Free Press.
“I am so glad your sister enjoyed her
visit to us, Mr. Smith.” “Oh, well, yoa
know, she is the sort of girl who can en
joy herself anywhere, you know.”— Life.
“I love you, dear!” the young man said,
“Oh, will you be my wife?”
The maiden drooped her modest head
And whispered, “Bet your life!”
—Somerville Journal.
Probably there is nothing in the
1 world that a man resents so quickly and'
so deeply as to find you awfully busy
when he is perfectly at leisure.— Shoe and!'
leather Reporter.
Do not let your overweening modesty;
prevent you from recording your own.
good deeds. A real estate man lost a]
fortune once through an unrecorded
deed.— Harper's Bazar.
Hopeful Youth —“ls Miss De Cash
in?” Servant —“Yds, sor.” ’ Hopeful!
youth—“l/ she engaged?” Servant—*
“Yis, sor; but he isn't here this avenin*.
Come in.” — The Cartoon.
“Do you understand much about arbor
culture?” asked Labatt of a friend. “Yes,j
I think I do.” “Well, I want to askj
you a question: Are all forest trees
seeders?”— Texas Sijtings.
Says a novelist of to-day, describing an I
interview between lovers: “Between
them there passed an ecstatic kiss.” And
neither of them got it! Aw, what muffs
they must have been. — Burdette.
You can’t weigh grams with a grammar,
Nor sugar cure hams with a hammer,
Do sums wilh a summer,
Stew plums with a plumber,
Nor shear an old ram with a rammer.
—Sgrinnfield Union.
Dentist— ‘ ‘Well, how do the new teeth
w r ork?” Patient—“ Not very well. They
seem to cut the others.” Dentist— “That
is perfectly natural. They belong to an
entirely different set, you know.” — Safi
Francisco Examine l.
At sea on his yacht, with a fair lady by him;
He asked for a kiss, but she chose to deny
him,
“Not here,” cried the lady, in tones full of
mirth,
“Though I have not the slightest objection
on earth.”
Visitor at Cannon Foundry—“ This is
all grand, stupendous, astounding. But
where will your occupation m when
universal peace prevails?” Proprietor of
Works—“ Casting cannon to celebrate it
with, Sir.”— Chicago Tribune.
“ If you think my legs eccentric,”
Haul the grasshopper to the bee,
“ And my forehead queerly pointed
Where the brain-box ought lu be;
That iny mouth has feeble motions
Whence dark mysteries do exude,
Please to know I onA existed
As a Pythagorean dude.”
— Judge.
“Father, the paper says you ‘officiated
at the wedding clad in the traditional
garb of the clergy.’ What does tradi
tional mean?” “Traditional, my son, ’
replied the poor minister, as he looked
at his cheap suit of black with a sigh,
“refers to things that have been ‘handed
down.* 1 ’ — Chi ago Tribune.
Three women were in hysterics at on#
time in the waiting room of a New York
dry goods store the other day. Some
slight cause unbalanced one, and the
other two went off because they leoked
at the first one.