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Mb limy lies.
THENTON. GEOIiQIA.
i Belgium is as convenient to political
offenders of France, as Canada is to the
boodlers of our land.
j Not bmg is more apparent at the pres
ent juncture, states the New York
Graphic, than that the Italians are stag
gering under quite as heavy a load of
taxation as they are able to hear.
It is estimated that the value o* the
kind contained in Central Park,New York
city, which originally cost #0,500,000, is
now worth, at least, over #100,000,000.
The maintenance of the Park costs nearly
#400,000 a year.
I Japan is now a constitutional mon
archy. Its progress toward liberal gov
ernment has been by gigantic strides.
The total cost of the Paris Exposition
is expected to be $10,000,000. The
Government contributes the greater part
and the city of Paris most of the rest.
Senator Stanford, of California, offered
#55,000 for Kentucky Prince, and this,
according to the Spirit of the Times, was
the largest sum ever offered for a horse,
but it was refused.
In Toronto, Canada, through the ef
forts of the Humane Society, a work of
humane literature, compiled by the So
tiety, has been adopted as a text book in
the public schools.
e v
It is significant, thinks the Londor
Newt, that the Germans have recently
thought it worth their while to detail tc
their American legation a “technical at
tache,” with the prescribed duty ol
watching the new experiments in imple
ments and means of warfare.
—- i
Thomas Swing Sherman, the only son
of General Sherman, now studying at
Georgetown College, District of Colum
bia, will be ordained a Jesuit this summer.
He launched out into the fashionable life
of a young of his station, but suddenly
retired from the social world to enter
upon a clerical career.
' ‘l* there any crime, outrage or brutality
in this world that a woman won't forgive
in the man she loves?” asks the New York
Kail and tkepres*. “Here’s Mrs. Bohan,
the poor creature whose brute of a hus
band coolly gouged out both her eyes last
fall, visiting and caressing him in the
prison to which he was sent for his mutila
tion of her.”
Statistics, Miss Knatchbull-Hugessen
«ays, have been recently collected as to
the health of women university students
ifter leaving college in England, and in
particular those who have married. The
results fully bear -out the conclusion of
9ir William Gull as to the advantage of
thorough intellectual training for girls,
even from a medical point of view.
Daniel A. Loring owns more stock
gambling “bucket shops,” asserts the
New York Graphic , than any other man
in this country. He has about 200 scat
tered in different parts of tlio United
States, and his telegraph bill annually is
$300,000. He is a great believer in reaj
estate and invests most of his profits in
good New York property. Personally he
is youthful in appearance, with a smoothly
ihaven face, a clear blue eye and ruddy
complexion.
The New York Commercial Advertiser
states that at Rondout-on-the-Hudson a
man died, leaving a property valued at
S2OOO. This was partly mortgaged. The
mortgage and costs involved amounted to
$1999, thus leaving but $1 to be divided
among the widow and fourteen heirs.
The widow will, however, have only the
use of this dollar during her lifetime, and
must leave it to her heirs at her death.
There were twenty-two defendants in this
interesting case.
It is a curious outcome of what ap
peared at one time a bellicose situation
m the Samoan waters, moralizes the
Chicago Timet, that the elements rise up
ard drive the warships of Germany and
America upon the rocks,destroying them.
They encountered a force in nature more
powerful than either of them and sinking
into the yeast of waves are seen no more.
It was an appalling disaster. The En
glish, with their usual good luck at sea,
were not sufferers.
It would aeem, remarks the New York
News, that in the Spanish Cortes at Mad
rid the question of selling Cuba has been,
if not discussed, at least referred to, as
otherwise there would be r.o cause for
the emphatic declaration of the Spanish
Minister of the Interior, that “Spain
would never consent to sell Cuba to the
United States or any other country” and
that there was not wealth enough in the
whole universe to buy even the smallest
portion of the Spanish territory.”
SIXTY AND SIX.
Light of the morning,
* Darling of dawning,
Mlthe little, lithe little daughter of mine I
While with thee ranging
Sure I’m exchanging
lixty of my years for six years like thine.
Wings cannot vie with the©,
Lightly I fly with thee,
say as the thistle down over the lea;
Life is all magic,
Comic or tragic,
“layed as thou playest it daily with me.
Floating and ringing
Thy merry singing
Comes when the light comes, liko that of the
birds.
List to the play of it!
That is the way of it;
\Jl’s in the music and naught in the words—
Glad or grief-laden,
Schubert or Haydn,
Ballad of Erin or merry Scotch lay,
Like an evangel
Some baby angel
Brought from sky-nursery stealing away
Surely I know it,
Artist nor poet
Buesses my treasure of jubilant hours.
Sorrows, what are they?
Nearer, or far, they
Vanish in sunshine, like dew from the flowers.
Years, I am glad of them!
Would that I had of them
More and yet more, while thus mingled with
thine.
Age, I make light of it!
Fear not the sight of it,
Time’s but our playmate, whose toys are
divine.
—Thomas W. Higginson, in The Century.
THE STOLEN LETTER.
BY HELEN FORREST GRAVES.
“You are very foolish to think of it at
all,” said Miss Antonina Blodgett.
Miss Blodgett was trimming her hat
with a bunch of artificial honeysuckles.
The spring fashions were in, and Miss
Blodgett had no idea of being called a
dowdy. She was a handsome, high-col
ored girl, with hair arranged in the very
latest style, rhinestones screwed into her
ears, and two or three different colored
rings on her plump fingers, and she
hummed the refrain of the latest opera
bouffe as she sat there waiting for the tea
bell to ring.
Madeline Murray had just come in from
school. The children had been unusually
troublesome that day. Four obstinate,
bullet-headed little lads had stolidly re
fused to capitulate, on the subject of the
multiplication table, until four o’clock;
and then there were the copy-books to
be gathered up, the object lessons for the
morrow to be glanced over, and the
weekly report to be carried in to the vice
principal.
“I am afraid,"Miss Murray,” he had said
to her, “that your dicipliue is hardly
what it ought to be. Noue of the other
teachers have trouble with their chil
dren.”
“None of the other teachers have such
a bad class as mine,” instinctively re
torted poor Madeline.
But tnc vice-principal had only frowned,
and muttered something about “excuses
being convenient.”
And Madeline had dragged herself
home, with a headache that seemed like
red-hot needles tingling at the base of
her brain, and a heart full of despond
ency, for she knew well that Mr. Double
day, the vice-principal, had a sister who
was eagerly awaiting the first vacancy to
become herself a teacher.
At home she had found a letter from
an old grand aunt awaiting her.
“I don’t know whether you're tired of try
ing that experiment of city life,” wrote Aunt
Eunice, after a peculiar orthography of her
own. “out I should think you might be by
this time. Lois Ann is married, and I need
somebody to help me with the housework. If
you choose to come back to the farm, I’ll pay
a dollar and a half a week, just the same as I
paid Lois Ann, and give you a good home.
And it is an offer I shall not make twice.”
Madeline looked wistfully at the let
ter. Go back to the shrill sound of Aunt
Eunice's voice, the dreary drudgery of
washing and ironing, baking, soft soap
making and cellar scrubbing—go back to
the old existence from which she had
been so anxious to escape? Would it
not be a tacit admission that life for her
had been a failure?
'iet, on the other hand, there was the
vice-principal’s persistent disapproval—
the sister only waiting a chance to edge
herself in as a teacw.T—the headaches
and the utter disheartenmeut.
“You'll never have a chance to get
married,” said Miss Blodgett, “if you
bury yourself alive in the country like
that.”
“I do not think I shall ever marry,”
said Madeline, sadly.
“Why not?” said fair Antonina. “There
isn’t much style about you, to be sure,
but there are always plenty of opportuni
ties in such a place as this.”
For Miss Blodgett’s sister-in-law—a
shrill-voiced widow, with a tomahawk
shaped nose and a cap invariably slipped
to one side—kept the boarding-house, and
it was full of eligible boarders; and not a
gentleman sat down to the table for whom
Miss Antonina had not, at one time or
other, “set her cap.”
She was like a gaudy double tulip—
Madeline Murray like one of the slender
stemmed violets that only blossoms in the
shade, but are ineffably sweet.
“I am almost discouraged,” said Made
line, in a low voice.
“Oh. well, do as you please,” said Miss
Blodgett, remembering, as she spoke, that
if blue-eyed Madeline were gone, she
would have no rival in the eyes of Mr.
Avenel, the young lawyer, who sat op
posite them at table.
Madeline was very silent this evening.
Miss Blodgett talked and laughed with
unusual volubility.
Mr. Avenel, a black-haired, straight
featured man, with pleasant hazel eyes,
watched them both with unusual taciturn
ity.
“Shall I,” he asked himself, as the
shuffling waiter muttered the various
items of dessert into his ear, “or shall I
not? Have I known her long enough?
Has she given me any right to hope for
such a blessing? Shall I, or shall I not?”
And the waiter brought him, in de
spair of any definite order, a plate of
dyspeptic-looking rice pudding, dotted
over with fat black raisins.
It was almost as difficult for Mr.
i Avenel to make up his mind as it had
been for Madeline Murray this dreary
March night.
On the next Monday afternoon one of
the round-eyed little school-boys ran after
her, crying out;
“Teacher—teacher! here’s a letter for
you! Hold on a minute, teacher!
Wait!”
“Nonsensel” said Madeline, sharply.
She had had four different labels at
tached to her gown that day; her lunch
basket had had its contents extracted and
replaced with shavings; the “Key to Al
gebra” had been skillfully substituted for
“First Lessons in Grammar,” and num
berless other facetious jokes had been
played on her by those young lambs, her
scholars, and she was in no mood for any
more impositions.
“Gen’lenmn told me to give it to
you!” breathlessly uttered the boy. “He
gimme a dime, he did!”
But Madeline slipped past him into the
house, taking advantage of the door be
ing just then opened by Miss Blodgett,
in all the glories of a cheap summer silk
and the bonnet newly quivering with
honeysuckles.
“Boy!” said Miss Blodgett, severely,
“what are you doing here? None of
your April-fool jokes in this house, unless
you want me to send for a policeman.”
“I ain’t a-April fooling!” said the boy,
with an injured voice. “It’s a letter for
her—for teacher.”
“Who is it from?” said Miss Blodgett,
who was not without her fair share of
Madam Eve’s inheritance.
“A gen’leman,” said the boy. “He
gimme a silver dime, he did!”
“Let me look at it,” said Miss Blod
gett ; and in an instant she recognized the
straight, clear handwriting of John
Avenel. “Oh, yes, I see! I’ll take
charge of it, young man.”
“Will you be sure teacher gets it?”
eagerly panted the lad. “ ’Cause he
gimme a—”
“It’s all right,” said Miss Blodgott,
turning back into the house and running
hurriedly up to her own room.
“There must be a fate in it,” said she,
untying the new, rustling bonnet-strings.
“I wonder what he can* possibly have to
say to her? I’ll just hold the letter over
the tea-kettle spout for a minute—it’s
easy sealed up again—and if it should be
nothing but an April-fool—”
She giggled nervously as she stole
down into the kitchen to borrow' a kettle
of boiling water.
But it was no April fool missive. It
was a simple, straightforward declaration
of love—a laying of Mr. Avenel's heart
and hand at Madeline Murray’s feet.
“If you care for me,” he wrote, “come
down to the parlor to-night. I shall be wait
ing there, more anxiously than I can tell you.
If you do not come, I shall never utter a
word of reproach to you. You have a right
to your own decision.”
Miss Blodgett read the letter. She
gnawed her full, and took
her resolution in of an eye.
She put away her showy walking gar
ments, assumed a wrapper, and deluged
her forehead with cologne.
And then she sent for Miss Murray to
come with hq£l
much magnetism in your
touch, she said. “If you will
only sit by me and stroke my head—”
And gentle Madeline, all unconscious
of the black treachery in Antonina's heart,
was only too glad to be of use.
Mr. Avenel was unwontedly pale when
he came to the breakfast-table the next
day.
Madeline glanced timidly at him, but
ventured to say nothing but the merest
“Good morning?”
Antonina, horvever, followed him out
into the hall when the meal was over.
“Forgive me, Mr. Avenel,” said she,
in her sweetest voice; 1 ‘but I cannot with
hold my sympathy for the cruel way in
which you have been treated, t couldn't
have believed it of Madeline Murray!”
He turned quickly around.
“You know all about it, then?” said
he.
“I told her it was wrong to laugh at
you. Oh, Mr. Avenel, do not look stern/
There are other women in the world be
sides Madeline Murray. Oh, if such a
treasure had been offered to me—”
She stopped abruptly, and hung down
her head, with a pretty affectation of con
fusion.
“Pray do not distress yourself,” said
Avenel, coldly. “I am sorry that I have
an imperative engagement this morning.”
He bowed, and hastened up stairs.
Antonina looked after him with an
oblique light in her bold, handsome
eyes.
‘ ‘I was a little premature,” she thought.
“But no matter. He can’t fling back
my sympathy—and time will work v/on
ders. I shall be Mrs. Avenel yet.”
And she sauntered into the drawing
room to finish yesterday’s dog’s-eared
novel. For Miss Blodgett was by far too
fine a lady to work for her living.
As John Avenel stepped out into the
fresh air, ten minutes or so later, he
found himself close alongside of Miss
Murray.
She was looking unusually pretty, in
her simple straw hat and close-fitting
jacket; her blue eyes brightened, and a
tide of warm color mounted into her
cheek.
“Oh, Mr. Avenel,” said she, “I am so
glad to see you!”
“Are you?”
“You see,” said Madeline, shyly, “I
want to ask your advice.”
“Indeed!”
She looked at him with a startled air.
“What have I done to offend you?”
said she. “What have I done that is
wTong?”
“Nothing at all,” he answered, be
thinking himself of his obligations as a
gentleman. “You know that I told you
you had a right to decide for yourself,
Miss Murray.”
“You told me?” lifting her pretty
eyebrows.
“In my letter,” he explained rather
coldly.
“What letter?”
“Did you not receive a letter from me
yesterday?” he asked in some surprise.
“No, I certainly did not.” * !
“That is very strange,” said Avnnel.
“I gave it to Tommy Dixon to give to
you, and— '
Madeline uttered a little cry of despair.
“It’s the very letter,” she cried.
“Tommy ran after me with it, and I
wouldn’t take it, because I thought it was
one of his horrid, teasing, little April
fool tricks. Oh, what a fool I was!
And an April one, too!” she added,
curiously balancing on the boundary lin«
between smiles and tears.
“Then you didn’t read it?”
“How could I, when I never got it?”
‘’‘Shall I tell you what was inside?” he
asked, holding both her little trembling
hands in his.
“Yes, please do,” she murmured,
knowing by some strange intuition just
what was coming next,and already color
ing like a rose.
“Just this, Madeline. I love you. Will
you be my wife?”
“And—and do you want me to answer
it?”
“Most assuredly I do.”
“Then—yes!” .
“My own dear little girl! No, you
must not go on to the public school.
You do not belong to the public school
any longer; you belong to be. Let me
walk back to the house with you, for—
Just at this moment, however, a red
faced, panting maid servant, with an
apron thrown over her head, met them
on the steps, holding something white in
her hand.
“Miss Murray! Miss Murray!” she
cried, “I’ve got it for you. I knowed I
could if only I waited long enough.
“Got what, Rosy?” said perplexed
Madeline.
“The letter as was writ to you, Miss
Murray—the letter as I saw Miss Blod
gett opening over the stame of the bilin’
hot tay kettle, through the crack of the
door, bad luck to her! I knowed then
as something was wrong, an’ I jest lay
low an’ waited till I found it in the pocket
of her silk gownd, directed to ‘Miss
Madeline Murray.’ Sure I didn’t furgit
the night you tuck care of me, wid the
neurology in my face, an’ the hop poul
tices you made, at all. Ther* don’t
nobody stale nothin’ from you whin Rosy
Ryan’s around!”
In a second Antonia Blodgett’s flushed
face appeared behind the excited house
maid.
“Give me back my letter, you thief!”
she screamed, before she saw Mr. Avenel
and Madeline.
Then she stopped quickly, with her
fingers pressed over her heart.
“It ain’me as is the thafe!” boldly
persisted Rosy.
And Antonina judged it best to follow
the matter no farther.
“But what was it you wanted me to
advise you about?” said Avenel, after
ward, to Madeline.
“About whether I should stay here or
go back to the country,” whispered she.
“Then I advise you to stay here.”
And this is the reason that, of all
months in the year, the month of April
is Mrs. John Avenel’s favorite Saturday
Night
The Hardships of Explorers.
Not very long ago a number of men
landed from canoes at Asuncion, Para
guay, and made their way to a street car.
They were barefoot, ragged and general
ly disreputable in appearance. They told
the conductor who they were, and said
they had no money, but at the hotel, a
mile from the landing, they would be
identified and their fares would be paid.
The conductor did not do business on
that basis. He told the party they
looked like beggars, and they must pay
their fares or walk. They thereupon
walked to the hotel, where a hearty wel
come and plenty of money awaited them.
They were the Thouar exploring expedi
tion, sent out by the Argentine Govern
ment, just returning from their long trip
on the Pilcomayo River, and officially
complimented for having accomplished
“a hitherto impossible feat.”
Explorers usually undergo a good deal
of wear and tear in their personal ap
pearance. Stanley, who entered Africa
on one side with a head of brown hair,
came out on the other with hair almost
white. Sir Samuel Baker said a while
ago that an explorer could not wander
around Central Africa very long and con
tinue to look like a white man. —Neu
York Sun.
How lo Prevent Coal Oil Accidents.
Professor P. B. Wilson, inspector of
gas and illuminating oils, offers these
suggestions to prevent coal oil accidents:
First, replace glass with metal lamps,
especially when the lamp is to be kept
lighted all night; second, the wick should
fill the entire burner, both as to thickness
and width, but not so tight as to prevent
an upward flow of oil to the point of
ignition, nor to prevent air replacing the
oil as it is consumed; third, have no
vents or openings of any kind near the
burner; fourth, do not set a glass lamp
on any heated mantel or other rest where
it will be heated, and from there carry it
suddenly into the cold air of another
room, as the contraction of vapor in the
lamp will cause an inflow of air which
may carry the flame with it; fifth, com
pletely fill the lamp before using, and
never refill it or trim the wick until the
body of the lamp and the burner has
cooled.— Baltimore Sun.
A New Craze of the “Upper Crust.”
Just now the stereopticon anu magic
lantren are quite a craze in the upper cir
cles of society. Many people of fashion
and wealth have bought handsome stere
opticons, with a large variety of views,
and. having learned to manipulate them
properly, now give entertainments in
their parlors for the benefit of their
friends. Mrs. Andrew Carnegie, who is
an excellent amateur photographer, took
many negatives during the famous Blainc-
Damrosch coaching trip, from which lan
tern slides are made. These, together
with other views of Scotland, she has ex
hibited at several receptions in her pala
tial home. Mrs. Jordan L. Mott, Jr.,
has used a complete magic untern for
quite a long time, and with it afford!
much pleasure and instruction to club:
of working girls, as well as to her per
sonal friends.— New York Star.
NEWS AND NOTES FOB WOMEN.
Pundita liamakai is now lecturing in
Japan.
New York has five successful women
dentists.
Cherry in mahogany finish is much used
in furniture.
The toque and the round hat divide
honors about evenly.
The newest silver candlestick is in
shape of a lady's boot.
Mahogany, now as ever, is a preferred
wood for fine furniture.
Black toilets are more than ever in
favor with the Parisians.
Ash, maple and birch are favorite
woods for cottage furniture.
Ribbon embroideries are included
smong the new dress-trimmings.
Middle aged and elderly ladies are
wearing gowns of rich black satin.
Mrs. Mary Harrison McKee is said to be
thoroughly up in German literature.
The making of lamp shades is a very
lucrative business for women in England.
Cameos are very much revived, and are
best liked when set iu heavy gold wire.
Boating and tennis costumes are being
made in cotton and wool Scotch flannels.
Velvet evening dresses are worn in
greater numbers than for some time past.
The widow of the late Charles Crock
gr, of San Francisco, is rated at $13,000,-
000.
Displays of women's work will be made
by thirty odd nations at the Paris Exhibi
tion.
The exclusively feminine club is a
thing comparatively unknown in Eng
land.
Ten thousand women registered to vote
for the School Inspectors at Detroit,
Mich.
There has been some attempt to revive
the wearing of the Greek fillet and the
turban.
A diamond comet blazing in the horns
of a golden moon is the weirdest of new
brooches.
White and black bonnets are much
trimmed with gold ribbon and gold em
broidery.
Wise persons predict a silken season
and a riot of bright colors for the sum
mer of 18S9.
The prettiest of the silver combs has a
wreath of enamel mignonette twined
about its top.
The handsomest of new lockets are of
pink coral, with a diamond or big pearl
in the center.
The newest lace-pins have enamel fruit
in natural colors mounted upon gold or
silver filigree.
Parasols covered with India silk are
furnished to use with costumes of the
same material.
The growth of the religious society ot
the King’s Daughters in Philadelphia has
been enormous.
Japan’s greatest heiress is Marchioness
Maida, with a fortune of $6,000,000 in
her own right.
The tendency in Paris seems to be set
ting even more strongly toward the classic
revival in dress.
Challies are revived for spring and
summer wear in charming designs and
harmonious colors.
Mrs. Marion Mcßride will represent the
newspaper women of the United States at
the Paris Exhibition.
Mrs. Joseph Harrison, widow of the
man who built the first railroad in Russia,
is worth $4,000,000.
Cloth powdered with silk applique in
wreaths and bouquets is a new and very
handsome trimming stuff.
Mrs. Cleveland has abjured the bang,
as well as the bustle, and brushes her hair
straight up from her forehead.
The newest grenadine veils are black
or dark browm, and have fancy Roman
stripes of satin along one edge.
Graduating dresses for school girls will
have Empire-belted waists, with insertion
down the fronts and the sleeves.
It is good Kentucky law that property
paid for by a wife’s earning's is subject
to execution for the husband’s debts.
Cream wool sparsely dashed and
splashed with a bright color will be the
favorite stuff for summer tennis gowns.
Scarfs of silk or lace are worn either
loose over the shoulders or else knotted
low upon the bust with low hanging
ends.
A season of thin material is predicted
by Paris milliners, with bonnets entirely of
silk muslin in small puffs round and
round.
New black veils of plain net have a
hem at the lower edge with gilt threads
in it in a small design and similar rows
above.
A novelty in the way of shoes, and de
signed to be worn with Empire costumes,
is a modification of the classic Greek
sandals.
The fan craze of the summer has been
amply provided for; never before was
there such an assortment of shapes and
material.
Statistics collected in England show
that a university education is an advan
tage for girls, even from a medical point
of view.
Laces in which gold and silver are
combined in light filigree patterns are
among the new and effective milinery
tri minings.
The more dressy cloth gowns are made
of cloths of two contrasting colors or of
cloth combined with heavy repped silk
or bengaline.
It is estimated that at least a hundred
times as many ladies from the United
States visit the Old World as there are
European ladies who visit America.
The handsome Duke of Portland has
just given his beautiful betrothed a mag
nificent sable cloak and a pearl necfclace,
which is said to be the finest in England.
The Woman's Exchange,of New York,
sold above $50,000 worth of things last
year: Of 6170 pieces of work done upon
order only twenty-four were returned at
unsatisfactory.
DAWN AND DUSK.
I.
Slender strips of crimson sky
Near the dim horizon lie,
Shot across with golden bars
Reaching to the fading stars;
Soft the balmy west wind blows • J ,
Wide the portals of the rose;
Smell of dewy pine and fir,
Lisping leaves and vines astir;
On the borders of the dark
Gayly sings the meadow-lark,
Bidding all the birds assemble-
Hark, the welkin seems to trombl*!
Suddenly the sunny gleams
Break the poppy-fettered dreams—
Dreams of Pan, with two feet cloven,
Piping to the nymph and faun,
Who, with wTeaths of ivy
Nimbly dance to greet the dawn.
n.
Shifting shadows indistinct;
Leaves and branches, crossed and linked
Cling like children, and embrace,
Frightened at the moon’s pale face.
In the gloomy wood begins
Noise of insect violins;
Swarms of fire-flies flash their lamps
In their atmospheric camps,
And the sad-voiced whippoorwill
Echoes back from hill to hill,
Liquid clear above the crickets
Chirping in the thorny thickets.
Weary eyelids, eyes that weep,
Wait the magic touch of sleep;
While the dew, in silence falling,'
Fills the air with scent of musk,
And this lonely night bird, calling,
Drops a note down through the dusk.
N —Frank Dempster Sherman,
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Rifle practice—Pocket picking.
Unredeemable bonds—Vagabonds.
Miss Fit isn’t a very popular dress
maker.
The Chinaman is a realist. 110 takes
his cue from nature.
Lots of people are inconsistent enough
to expect a mule to have horse sense.
First impressions are everything, par
ticularly when one is collecting engrav
ings.
Any man can get his wife to take ac
tive exercise by giving her enough money
to shop with.
It is easier for a camel to get through
the eye of a needle than for the savage to
ge: through his need of an idol.
Smith—“ Jones, were you enlisted dur
ing the war?” Jones—“No, but my
sympathies were.” —Burlington Free Pru.
Why not abbreviate Alaska to L. S. f
which whould sufficiently identify it as
the place of the seal ?—Bouton Transcript.
A new broom sweeps clean, but it
doesn t sweep half as clean as a new hired
girl with an old broom. —Burlington Free
Press.
The raining stock seller who let his
friend into the stock on “a ground floor
price” had already got into the cellar.
■New York News.
The latest bit of Washington Territory
brag is that the climate is so fine that
wool grows even on hydraulic rams
Memphis Avalanche.
No one has ever yet been able to ex
plain why a kiss is such a pleasant thine-,
but the subject is being constantly inves
tigated.—Detroit Free Press.
“Miss Bertha, I love you! Will jmu be
mine?” “Yes certainly! Why else would
1 have been going to a cooking school for
1 year?” —Fliegende Blaetter.
Tubbs— “l flatter myself that honesty
is printed on my face.” Grubbs—“Well
perhaps—with some allowance
for typographical errors.” Burlington
Free Prets.
Artesian wplls have no poetry and no
romance in them. The moss-covered
bucket, and the old oaken bucket, and
all that sort of thing disappeared when
the well became a perfect bore.— Picayune.
The spring fashion in European war
clouds presents a small pattern of a
lighter shade than last year, with bright
spots scattered here and there by war
correspondents out of a job.— New York
World.
Business Man (dejectedly)—“My dear,
[ mortgaged this house to-day.” Wife—
“ Mortgaged—oh! Howmuch?” “Five
thousand dollars.” “Isn't that grand!
Now you can get me that diamond neck
lace.”—Philadelphia Record.
Medical Examiner (for insurance com
puny)—“You appear to be in a very
weak, nervous, depressed physical con
dition.” Applicant for Insurance— ‘ ‘Yes,
your agents have been chinning at me for
six months.”— Philadelphia Record.
Old Man (at the head of the stairs at
2:30 a.m.) —“Susie, what time is it?”
Susie (with second look at Reginald, who
loosens his grip)— 1 ‘A few minutes past 10,
papa.” Old Man—“ Don’t forget to start
the clock again when you go to bed.”
Wasp.
In Persia when a railroad kills a man
the natives pull up the track for miles and
boycott the trains. As a practical pre
vention of railroad accidents this plau
must be almost as effective as that of tying
a director on the cowcatcher.— Somerville
Journal.
Brown—“ Hello. Robinson, I thought
you were trying in the musicale to-night?”
Robinson— ‘ ‘I just left there. ” Bro wn
“What made you leave so early?” Rob
inson—“A sixteen-year-old young man is
trying to sing ‘Larboard Watch, Ahov!’”
—Epoch. J
Things that one would rather not have
said.—Mahlstick—“Do you know, Miss
Maunerby, that some of my friends tell
me that I am deteriorating in my paint
ing?” Miss Mannerby—“Oh, Mr. Mahl
stick! That is quite impossible. ” — Boston
Transcript.
A Wise Doctor—Doctor— “I see just
what’s the matter with you. You need
something strengthening. Eat a plate of
oatmeal, boiled, every morning for break
fast.” Patient—“l do, doctor.” Doctor
(equal to the occasion)—“Then leave it
off. ” Yankee Blade.
Negotiations have been resumed with
Spain for a renewal of the treaty of com
merce with Germany,