Newspaper Page Text
yip?.:, .....> —_
THE LINCOLNTOR NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 23.
The New York Star says that “a re
markable growth is noted in the coast¬
wise trade.”
General Boulanger says lie first learned
the true meaning of the word liberty on
his visit to America.
In proportion to population Holland
has the greatest commerce in the world.
Iffst year it averaged $204.40 for each
person in the kingdom.
It will, no doubt, surprise many of
our readers to learn that a large per¬
centage of the counterfeiters who ply
their nefarious occupation in the United
States are Italians.
A writer in the Congregationalisi says
that the word deacon has fallen into
disrepute, because so many reputable
■writers have made deacons the butts of
ridicule and satire. The result of this
is seen iu the reluctance of so many good
,
men to accept this office in the New
England churches.
We sometimes imagine, states the New
York Independent, that the British rail¬
ways are so well managed that they kill
nobody. During the iast nine months,
according to the London Times, 69(1 peo¬
ple were killed and 008G injured on the
British railways, a slaughter as great as
in a considerable battle.
■*55
The following recently appeared in the
Detroit Free Press: “South Carolina
always hangs a murderer in public, and
she defies any one to find a spectator of
any hanging who has subsequently taken
human life. She claims that every ex
ecution makes a profound impression of
the vengeance of the law.”
“Such is fame,” soliloquizes the New
York World. '“Policeman Thomas K.
Snyder, who faced a crowd of rioters
single-handed during the New York car
strike, and killed one of them in the
Btruggle, has been arraigned before the
Police Commissioners on a serious
charge. He failed to report that there
was a dead cat on his post.”
All the railroads in the United States
and Canada, without exception, now use
the standard time of one of the four sec¬
tions—eastern, central, mountain, or
Pacific. Cities and towns have very
generally conformed to railroad time of
their respective sections. Out of 2S8
cities of over 1^,000 inhabitants, less
than twenty-five still retain local time.
The microbe is now the craze of the
scientific world, remarks the San Fran¬
cisco ChrtfhlFe. Pasteur has traced iffost
complaints to the work of this parasite,
and now we hear that some of his assist¬
ants claim to have discovered the gener¬
ative microbe of diphtheria. If they
discover any sure cure for this ailment
that is ^ "-frequently fatal they './ill
prove benefactors of their age, for diph¬
theria carries off more children" in the
cities than a score of other complaints.
According to reports received at
W ashington, a herd of native American
buffalo have escaped the advancing
march of civilization and are roaming
the wilds of Wyoming. It has been gen¬
erally believed that the buffalo in their
free state had practically become extinct,
except in the Yellowstone Park, where
the national Government has taken steps
for their preservation, but Delegate
Carey received a letter a few days ago
from Mr. Frank E. Coffin, of Wyoming,
saying that a herd of twenty-six buffalo
have been found browsing in the Red
Desert, Wyoming, and that the Indians
were preparing to slaughter them. At
Mr. Carey’s request the Indian Bureau
issued orders which, it is hoped, will
save the animals. The game laws of
Wyoming are adequate to protect the
animals from the whites, but the Terri¬
torial laws do not extend over the In¬
dians. Air. Carey says that it is possible
there may be a few other herds of buffalo
roaming over the Western country, away
from all human habitations, Each
spring the cowboys kill a few bulls who
come out of the brush, but it is very
unusual to hear of so many of the ani¬
mals being discovered in one place.
-Ldi- •
A joint snake discussion has broken
out in Missouri, announces the New York
Graphic. It grew out of the assertion of
one.!. AI. Cow that he had seen a snake
knocked into pieces which presently re¬
united and crawled off. Mr. Gow is
vouched for by his neighbors as a total
abstainer, and hence no suspicion of a
delirium tremens dream attaches to his
story. Nevertheless, it is not accepted as
“gospel truth,” Gne of the skeptics, C: H.
Chapman, of Alarjpnvilla, AIo., writes as
follows about joint snakes: “I have
knocked several of them and' they did
not get together any more. The part
•with the head on would osawl off, but •
the other paf^ and -rot the
same as any other dead snake. I say they
will nol join themselves together again,
atid to prove what I say, if Air. J. AI.
Gow or anyeue'.-else -who believes that
they will uhite and crawl and be as they
were before, will catch one this spring
and express.^; to. me, I will pay the ex¬
press charges, put it in a box and break
it to pieces, and if it unites again, all
right, I will'cat it raw, and if it doesn’t,
the sender must eat it.” The snake
question ought to 1)6 dismissed with this
'challenge.
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST oT LINCOLN COUNTY.
■ »■ '*• ■< ■
-- -
J AFTER CONFESSION.
She’s told mo all—the very word
That I most wished to hoar
Has stol’n from her liquid throat,
And molted on mine ear;
And 1 am happy, happy now,
Recalling all sho said,
The jasmine trembling at her throat,
The rose upon her head.
Oh, Western wind: Oh, Western wind!
I half think thou wast there,
And I will chide thee, grown too bold,
For playing with her hair.
Oh, summer glow, I saw thee not,
Though oft thy blush I seek;
J saw no heacen but her fair face,
No sunset but her cheek.
Oh, Moon, that came up in the east,
I saw thee not yestreen,
But saw a light in her soft eyes
.
Thou canst not shed, I ween;
And so I’m happy, happy now,
In fancy at her feet;
Why think on what the morrow’ll ba
When this day is so sweet’
— Indianapolis Journal.
mrrn U±ti TTTTvnT>TVT iliUJJljJN nnm l&LASUKE. * nrr-n-n
_
“Our own house. Jack!” cried Mrs.
Jelf, in a perfect gale of glee, as she
■danced about and clapped her hands like
a thirteen-year-old child.
“Our very own,” said Mr. Jelf, nod
trifling ding his head complacently—“with the
hundred exception of a mortgage of three
dollars."
“But we shall soon pay that.”
“Yes, we shall soon pay wife,’ that."
“Six rooms,” said the runniii"
mains, from one end to the other of her do°
ing cupboards peeping into closets and examia
with a truly bird-like \e
locity of motion—“six whole bedrooms’ rooms
studio Jack—kitchen, and parlor, two
possibly dining room’ Who could
want more? Jack, we are rich ’
Look at those purple topped hills roll
ing plain off to the west; seethe magnificent
of the sound on the east. You’ll
paint the grandest pictures ever dreamed
of! Anybody would be inspired in such
an famous, atmosphere as this. And vou will be
and I shall shine through vour
rejected lustre. ‘The wife of the ..rent
artist, call Jelf!’ That’s what . peop!e & wi'll
me, and oh, how proud I shall be '”
ately “But,” down said Jack, smilin'* affect'cm
“where’s on servant-’Viom? Nanny’s plump face
your You seem
to have left that out of your calculations
entirely ”
“Servants’ room, indeed 1 Who wants
a servants’ room when we aren't S Jelf
to have any servant?” nodded Mrs
“Aunt Prue and 1 have planned to do
the work between us. Such economists
as we’re going to be! There’s only one
pity—that the water supnlv is so far
awav from the home look' the
stream is clear off under that knot of
willows’”
“Whew’” cried Mr Iplf ’row
neck to look out of the top of win
dowpanes. “Do vou mean brou^h^from to «av that
ail the water has-f^ot ” to be
that place ” “
head’at “I‘scent what we catch in the * ',„„■
«Th.tWtK?' the kitchen eaves ”
prehend* now how’the min p'ace T .i ( came’ or to^be
sold so cheap The that lived here
last had three wives, and buriedeven
one of ’em. I understand that now.
Nan, what fools we have been! Why
didn’t we inquire into the hydraulic side
of the question before we bought this
place?” °
•
“We supposed everybody mast have
water,’’sighed “Never Nanny.
ag»:n7oum^ mind, dear; I’ll brin- °°^ in a
D feN f ° re lg
“And what is to become of your nicety
of touch and steadiness of hand?” cried
Nanny, aghast.
“Well, Auut who is to bring ~ it then? You
or Prue?”
H ” kilch
1 811 /^ W y ith 110t an
ouncoof i„ otmsu !°t?° h had d ' "
Jus = t then Aunt i True came , beaming
in.
"Eureka!” cried-she, “I have found
it!”
Found , what? , cried both the married .
.fit lhe . teeniest little spring, . close to
the stone wall by the beach. Just
thread of water, but the purest and
sweetest you ever tasted. 1 had to hold
a gourd-shell under it for five minutes to
ge . rm? Then, r * n £ sighed , wa ? e .Nanny, L bu ^-.’ “it won't do
whole any good. drawing One can't spend one’s
time water.”
“Won’t it, though:” said Mr. Jelf,
“We’ll dig a well.”
have the curb painted rustv orauge, and
“No, we won’t!” said Aunt Prue, who
served as balance-wheel in the erratic
& ,hew ' “ d • '”“ i,o
job “I’ll to dig a find well, Jack, whether dear?” it |
soon out is or
not,” cheerfully remarked Mr. Jelf. “I’d !
as soon spend my time in digging as in
carrying water half a mile a day min or j
Shine.”
“But wells have to be stoned up, don’t 1
they: And you don't know wisely anything ,
about stoning up a well,” y , e - '
marked Nanny. well, then, j
“Very the I’ll exchange work !
with some of fellows hereabouts that
do understand it.”
So the troublesome water question ;
was settled; the Jelf family moved their J
httle belongings into Sedge Pottage, as ;
Nanny christened the new abode, and
Mr. Miw-b-Ud In . loll.,
tary background of h t s beloved can- ;
vases, began to dig under the pinky
blossoms of the old apple-tree, where the |
moisture turned the grass to a more vis |
vid green, and lhe bright drops soaked.
away among the roots of the violets. |
After a day or two, however, he sys- |
tematized his work more carefully.
“DayBght is day-light "said he! “I
can paint by the light of the sun and I’ll ;
put in the time digging betore the moon .
Set s ,'
“I , r wonder , you hadn't thought of that
before,’’ said Nanny, who was diligently
sewing ingrain together the breadths of her new
carpet while Aunt Prue polished !
_
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, APRIL ll, 1m.
' the Windows and
kept the watch oyer the
^ ™ r E 01 00 stove,
..re W hen she and Aunt Prue had the
kitchen tidied up, and the ingrain carpet
mceiy tacked on the parlor floor, at
ten o'clock that night, they went out
! ' n t° the soft spring moonlight to see
how Jack was getting on in his self im
task.
To their surprise be was not alone.
Half-a-dozen stalwart men. in variously
colored shirt-sleeves and divers styles of
battered hats, were working with him.
‘ ,famous me!" cried Nanny, “where
nre E0 P an y men;”
in 1 haven’t i hired ’em said Jack. “They
eeredto be *P tne -”
iirr* Well, we did,” said the biggest and
burliest of all, pausing to wipe his
streaming brow with a red cotton hand
ke ff, h ; ef \
Of all neighborly .... people, the . Kidd’s .
Pointers are the most so,” said Jack,
looking “\»i 8mile around on his coadjutors with a
ge '
W al, , we gin . . ally , like to take a
h&na m mos’ everything that’s goin*
on, spade, said and Ephraim (Jill, leaning on
‘‘?- ut staring complacently around
we ne ver th ? u K ht °’ 6C00 P
■ out . ,
ln ere rioppy , hole—none on
us ‘‘
Im surprised at that," said Jelf.
® u PP r ;? ed > be squire?” said old
r ,’111’, ,., 1 cuttln S a D , es h slab of tobacco.
’ . n ? w > around Bf. little, en prospectin’?”
. D S a I must con
les *> Ea l -j d th e young artist.
Iried a wich-hazel rod,”
-rather surprised.
Praps 1 you ve got a magnet?”
°‘ “id not suspect the presence
• • . this sandy soil,”
or iron in answered
mi, S^zle-headed . . . _ , old ,, man drew ,
a
.fUf ,
r :\ -N no 4 telbn wb at folks will
c fm ,, ^” ,, sald ue, , plungin , -OQ his spade once
lnto . ti5 earth ‘Dig
mor e 8 away, lads
. llTe3!
,’v or J 011 Moon sets at eleven,
and tllar am ’t no use workin’ arter moon
We might . ,. get . , lanterns,” , .. suggested
T lf
,,V Lanterns ain’t • no good,” was the
S' le Te the W- moon disappeared behind
“ills, every man left off work, and
, arted wlthout much
a ®P ceremony of
ad,e “
f ™ ade haste to pick up his tools. ,
considerablei 'Veil, said he, “we’ve made pretty
1 these headway; but of all people
eVer saw sh ore-men are the most
eccent r ic ’ One would think a well bad
never been dug before.”
J)ur j ng the da J the neighbors hung
around the s P ot . staring, peeping 'ey£ and
f ylng ’ as if the y were ad and
t0I J gues '
aid - “ b0 ye’ve , commenced to dig, e h?”
? bonuet a w0 and “ an d - ln d a cashmere saffron-yellow sun
a Je cape, who
' va5 K°i»S ^ the pcstolbce to borrow a
- veast ' cake flom the postmaster’s daugh
ter-m-law, and who stopped to watch
Nann y in her occupation of sowing aster
and P°^“ la cca seeds under the window.
“Yes,” said Nanny.
“ ’Twon’t be no good,” said the wo
man. “Ever so many folks has tried
afore - 1 wish I knowed how many
spade-edges has been worn away on this
plaguey coast!”
Atul she went her wa y> dragging' one
f ° 0t after the other with s P iritlass P erse *
vereDce ’
“Haow ye gettin’on?” said a brisk,
f at - ntt' e lemaie, who had been down to
tbe ed .ke of the water, digging a basket
of ^lams, , which she was now tri
uinphauriy conveying home.
“Oh- nicely!” said Nanny.
“Pittv the moon’s so fur off the full:”
said the fat woman.
“All the difference in the world?” an
uounced the obese female. “Ain’t no
use tho diguin' without ve dig by the lioht
°’ ,unon
And she walked off, a sort of movable
as .t-s•- ”•"* - ■
A UOOI '. a 8 aullt old mau stopped as
he 1 fl drove his wagon of jingling tinware
past the gate.
gin’. ,1 ve sa heern l d be tell <fIo as ye 7 ve ca me took e to ever dig- to
'■cttle . ; that there ‘ ma’shy 5
cm . o’ ground
dig piece
to in:;
‘My husband thought that there were
favoraole , indications there,” said Nanny.
“Eo one ever tried that there spot
at ore, said the gaunt old man. <4 But
p’raps your man knows the kentry?”
“No,” said Nanny, “not at all.”
t_' v ’as me, ’ said the man, pointing
^ a ( ^ 1 PP' e r *l ian ^^ e > ‘‘I’d a-dug furder
down the hill. . Poor old Jim Bean! it
would a-done his heart good to see the
s>’Ie turned up ag’in. Ye dunno Jim?
Tie put up this house. It was him sold
tinware to dav, or crockery? No? Wal,
At the dinner-table Nanny amused her
husband by an account of the number of
a
nice little chicken, which, as Aunt Prue
complacently their observed, “was grown on
pleasant own find premises,” “it is rather
to oneself the object J ot so
genuine that interest. ”
At moment the door flew open
aild in hntried a red-faced, perspiring
m, m, “Shares!” as he flung his hat on
0Q e chair and himself into another.
“Sir,” said Jack, rising in some con
fusion , “I have not the pleasure of your
Acquaintance!” t
“I’m the man that owns the Big East
Medder!” gasped the newcomer
“t’other side o> the stun wall where ye’re
mined d.ggm’. And I say shares! Ye’ve onder
my stun wall, tta'cM and I a n’t a-goin’
J. ta left on. i„ 1 b,
1 amit -not if I know myself!”
“But,” reasoned Jack, “your house i«
half a mile up the hill. It wouldn’t be
possible to get sufficient headway to-”
“Oh, hang your headway!” said the
red faced man. “If any man digs under
my stun wall, he’s got to go" shares^
that’s the long fe, and the short of it! Ain't ‘a
the Parson Glenu?”-to
mal, gentemanly looking person, who
stood knocking at the door |
\\ lmt is all thts about? imploringly !
asked Mr. Jelf. “Gentlemen, pray sit
down! Let us geUt the bottom of this
mystery.”
“I have heard of your undertaking,
Mr. Jelf,” said liiti mild voiced village
clergyman, “Almost bowing to has,I the should ladies. think,**
every One
groaned with moody Jelf, determination, eytSnjr his Carving knife
“With fbe deepest chagrin, ” said the
reverend gentleman,
tjg “Eh ?” said Mr. JClf, opening wide
eyes.
“And I have come hither.” added the
clergyman, of “to warn you of the sad fate
unhappy others, who have yielded to this most
it be late delusion, desist. and to entreat you ere
too to One poor wretch,
who lived in this very spot, is in a luna
tic asylum; another has sold the place at
* the sacrifice, in order to tear himself from
hideous temptation. The whole
The thing is like a blight along have the coast,
neighbors, as everything, you seen, are
eager to abandon for the
chance of finding what does not exist.”
“ But,” cried Jelf, “it does exist. I
saw it myself.”
“ Eh ?” interjected the clergyman.
“ The finest and most delicious watei
I ever tasted,” said Jelf.
“Water 1” echoed the parson. “You
are “ digging What else for—water ” cried ? Mr. ” Jelf.
? “ You
didn’t suppose I was digging for gold ?"
“Of course we did!” bawled the red
faced man.
“Certainly!” uttered the clergyman.
“Were you not aware that this jagged
piece of coast-land is supposed to be the
place where the nefarious pirate Kidd
buried the most of his treasures?”
“Never heard of it,” doggedly de¬
dared Jelf. “I don’t believe in Kidd,
and I don’t think he ever buried any
money. If he did, I haven’t the least
idea that I shall find it. I’m digging
for a well of water, to lighten my wife’s
housework, and I propose to keep on
doin g so -”
The parson shook hands most cor
dially with him; the red-faced man went
away, pie muttering something about “peo
with no enterprise.’’
And that night, John Jelf did his
him. digging Nevertheless all alone. No one came to help
he was a man of
courage and perseverance, and he dug
the well and the sweet drops of the
spring the wilderness, were garnered up like a fountain
in
“Which,” observed Nanny, “is a great
deal better for me than Captain Kidd’s
treasure.”
To this day, however, the neighbors
all believe that they have been taken in.
—Saturday Nig#.
Olive Culture In the United States.
There are olive trees now standing and
peeing from 1U00 fruit to 2000 in years abundance It is said that that are
the trees on Mount Olivet to-day are the
aa me n n der whose cool shadow the Son
of G°d walked while on earth. As they
are long lived, so they are slow in com
ln g to maturity, or even to-the-point
’"here they bear sufficient fruit to re
munerate the owner; and this is one
reason why fast-moving Californians are
«■»«£ something to that plant w.’\ the begm olive. to They pay at opce, want
To wait ten years on a tree is more than
the y can stand. And yet, many of these
same Californians have owned red hills
that scarcely produce enough to
they pasture been two sheep to the .acre, that had
set out hi olive trees years ago,
Tand, th ? ir r | cheS t
^ f, The ohre mU grOW ln aIraost ,
n0t j* Y . ait „ °- n t e f° ? . or P^ . 1ea ant an y ears ol 've Either orchard , , p.ant need ,
50llr ^ rees ln tbe mids t °f ; ybur vmeyerd,
or P ,ant a vineyard m the midst of
’■ “ d hV ° ff
t le f rai - of the vines until the olives y
, begin to bear The vines can be re
Thlre is S no more^eautffnl tSrS
ora amental^ purposes than the olive,
„ ow ““v 1 “etter it would be to plant
1 rr 16 ard letting them take the
m ln V y >
place , of the eucalyptus, the monterey cy
P r S?’ *“ e ‘?, cust and other such trees.
estimate^Anori. sk.’&wS?
to be a low er imported
f act in regard to the olive is the time of
the harvest. This extends from about
the first of December to the last cf
January, the giving ample time to gather
entire crop without a waste, as well
a3 CO ming ata time when no other fruit
demands attention. There is no waste,
All the green fruit when beaten from
the tree can be thrown into pickle, while
the ripe may be thrown into the vat for
oil.
With these facts gathered at random
we trust many of our fruit-growers and
farmers will turn their attention, to this
heretofore neglected fruit.— San Fran -
cisco Chronicle.
,
Agile African Goats.
atta ?^ ed
[ha^ever^ound'theb'wav'toth?.^!^ ^ 7
“ ^is^stisrsi
3^ u' l ]!,,! the most 1 d ngerOUS Ant an i'
..mnf \r£-i; g bor ongkbred ,,
i t t , l c Hin nlla t 4 f6W
w ee k s a go doesn w t begin to compare
hlgh 1“
y D0W i 1
^ mdosure , is so
with anythin"- Then less than- a Jiftoen^fbS
fence theri e arf accus
tomed to these quarters and not think? so
easily alarmed as they were,but I
if startled thev mitrht T .Hil
crouch a little gi f e 8 ,hort jump iff the
air, and as they strike they the ground,bound
upward again as if were shot froma
catapult. The muscles of their lees are
extremely tough, rapiditTor but the lees arb not
adapted for They great have been develoned°bv endurin-in
running generations climbingon
fiT TtVL of JSS%
bodies in captivity bwome heavier, they
will probfibly become lessaetlve. Possi
bly our native goat he lias lost liiafaculty of
high iumniim if ever had It
bwame partly civilized and accustomed
to a diet of brown naner » ” £ antifii
American.
BUDGET OF FBI
HnfOBOtS . SKETCHES
_ FROM
YARIOU8 tOCHCEii
Why She hefHsea fitm-A
Hint— Two Professions Con¬
trasted — Disgraced the
Family — Etc., Etc.
**’t- nr
He loved a stately maiden
Of aesthetic, cultured taste,
And promptly at her service
His loyal heart he placed.'. - .
He Struggled long and nobly
Her maideS love to gain,
But she gnenefied his files ambition
In words both" cdhl and plan*.
For when he stooped ia rapture
Her answering words to catch,
She said hie “hair was auburn
And his mustache didn’t match.”
—Judge.
A Gentle Hint. .
Miss Ketchon— “Did you Itnoek attte
door when yon *«■« to-night, George?”
Mr. Tombletv—“Yes, Amy- why do
yon ask?”
Miss Ketchon (shyly )—“I thought
perhaps you had come with s rings”
Two Professions Contrasted.
Mr. V, Smarteje— ,,WT, IVhat *■ is the difference
^ eeD / 1 ?.7 ye /“ d ? doCtor? :
1 d0n t know what y° u
me ,,
0 ^ 866 w ^ en ^} e I**!*}* . _ a ^
if it w lasts for years and years, but when
doctor a
(^ick j?®*? work gets a *. of case c ** it. c he he c See generally £ e ?, ”—Wen: er *Uy make*: makes.! Fori
'
--
_. Disgraced the Family
lneres mad ^ t0 old literary editor)—
a gent outside wat
wants ter see yer.’ ".....
Literary ... Editor—“Did he h *
wanted;” say what he
* *
Office Boy—“Yes sir; _ he said how
you and he printed a poem that his son writ,
says he’ll nave satisfaction or get
licked .”—Cincinnati Gazette.
Perfect in the Art.
do?” Lady—“And what does your father
Little Girl—“Oh, papa is a doctor.”
Lady—“Indeed! I suppose he practices
a great deal, does he not?”
Little' Girl—“On, no. He doesn’t
practice Tid-Bits. any more now, he knows how.”
—
The Ringed Planet. _
Marie— “So you liken me to a brilliant
star?”
Vernon—“The star of my heaven.”
Marie—“Please do not compare me
with Saturn." .
• Vernon—“Why, my ownf
Marie-r“Because it has a ring.”
The' ring was forthcoming .—Detroit
Ffee Press:
Quite a Different Thing.
Tommy Traddles came into the house
crying,' tion. and in a very mussed up
“Now, Tommy,” said his mother,
“haven’t I told you time and again not
to play with that wicked little Me
• Carthy boy!”
“I hain’t been playin’ -with him,”
sobbed Tommy; “he’s been playin’ with
me.”— Bazar.
_
A Sage Brush Artist.
A Connoisseur Dawdle—"Where does
this man Alkal come from that desires to
join our art club?”
Bangle—“He’s from Arizona.”
Dawdie---Arizona: What does he
know about art,
Bangle-“Whv, h’mseif he my dearbov, ihe he told
me wm chairman of hang
ing committee several times in’- Coyote
Gulch .”—Lowell Citizen.
The Ingenuous Widow.
“And to think,” said he, as he pressed
her little hand, “that I never met vou
until to-night.” '
“It is sudden,” she answered; “but
then-”
“Yes,” he said, impulsively; “it is the
old story—the old, old story_love at
first sight. ”
“And added to that,” die gargled,
“my being a widow.”— Boston Courier.
Believed in Advertising.
Saw Brown-“Congratulations, by the papefthis old man'
broken morning that your i
safe had been into, but as it con
tained only twentv-seven cents-the
,or
White—“Lucky’. Why, hqngit,man,
l’rg mortified half to death! What sort
of an advertisement do you suppose that
report is going to be for my business?”
—Burlington Free Press.
Healthy Rivalry.
Hotel Clerk (of the Tacoma-House
with air of the cheerful and unabashed
liar)—“Why, demand yesterday there was such
a for rooms here that we had a
line of applicants from this office to-lBe'
doo? ”
Commercial Alan (with a look of guik*
less innocence)—“Reallv! that’s nothing.
I was in Seattle the o'ther night, and
there was such a line waiting to gef-into
the Occidental that the four last fell off I
the end of Y'esler’s wharf .”—Svotted
Cayusc. *
U . J i
• •« ■ .
Evolution in the Eating House.
“Yes,” : said Trenchly, at the eating
house, ‘I like this place. It is so edi
fying. through you know, to follow articles of
diet their ever changing course.
Here’s this pie, ' for ''
acquaintance meat with it example. Afy
first was in the shape
of a roast; next day it was served asa
ragout, the next it appeared as hash,
thep t^oquettes,.and now here it is again.
as meal'pie. Here, take I’m it back aud keep'
it until to-morrow. just wild to
know what new guise it will put on.”—
Boston Transcript. .. •/ .
» ■* :• V
Next-door . ^■Ou|«i^e.Assj Neighbor" i atauce..... Mrs.' Hen-! ft ,
dricksl—“\Vqll,. (to
glad have Mm. made Hendricks, J
very , to your
ance, feel betfe*. and I hope your do husband will you?” soon
Can 1 anything for
there Atra. is Hindricks—“No, nothing ffftfdhaGSure Mrs. Charger, off”
at y '
Bobby-J Ha “Y'ou you’d can do something that thump- for j
pa. says it stop
ing on your piano he'd be willing to pay
'
a big price for it.” Bazar.
-
He * „
Dropped xhw dttbject. *(
“He went through the window like a '
‘ HfiW was that, dear?” she in
mv
quired, with pr'ovorking innocence.
“Head foremost, of Course. Y'ou never
saw a man go into his hat feet foremost.
' "N^dewY’^he^Md demure^fWhat
is, never Mil I saw you try to do it at 1
o’clbck in the morning.”
After that Jobkins somehow felt in
disposed to carry Critic, on the conversation.—
Washington
A Timely Hint.
Higgins ("entering the drawing-room
good at midnight)—“Ab, Mr. Etaylaight,
morninsr. Have you the right
timer’
respirations -Staylaight for in Higgin’s employ, with
tne hand of Miss Hig
gids)—“The. clock is right, sir—ten
minutes past twelve.”
didn't Higgins—“Thank you, my boy. I
know but what it was three or
four hours too fast. Don’t keep Mr.
after eight o'clock, Ethel. I
want t0 see him Bt the office by nine,and
must have time to put on his busi
ness suit, you know.’’—firaru;
Minds With the Same Thought.
One of the greatest banes of a stu
dent’s lifais that he is obliged to write
compositions. It is something looked
upon as extra work and is usually left
until the last minute. Then the student
hurriedly colle'ts the necessary data, and
in ■writing is very apt to introduce sen
tences front the encyclopedia.
the Unfortunately ______ professors _ it . fc happens that one of
of English at Y'ale has
written numerous articles for the ency
clopeaias. A few days composition ago this profes
sot its author was reading over a with
when he came across a par
ticularly fineiy coastrncted sentence,
“That’s “That’s a a pretty pretty good good sentence,” sentence,” re- re
marked the professor,
.“Yes: I prided mvself on that,” re
plied the student,
“.So didl when I wrote it,” added the
professor, to the great discomfiture of
nis pupiL— New Haem News.
He Couldn't Eat the Soup
An elderly gentleman in a restaurant,
having he been served with a plate of soun
had ordered, said to the waiter r -
“Look here, I can't eat this soup.”
** “All right; I’ll get you another
plate.”
On receiving the second plate, the
guest once more remarked:
“It’s no use. I can’t eat this soup.”»
Then the -waiter went to the proprie
tor, and said:
“That old gentleman over there is
complaining he can’t it.” about the soup. He says
eat
“You don’t know how to - wait on
people. I’M attend lo him.”
The proprietor went to the kicking
guest and said, blandly:
“I understand you say tha*. there is.
something didn’t the matter with the soup?” *
“I say anything of the kind.”
—“Y°« sa: d ypu/ouldfi’t ? couldn’t eat it. ”
‘‘*eS‘ eat it.”
“Will you tell me why you can’t eat
that “Certsiniy. soup?” haven't
I got any spoon.”
. .
•
Turning the Tables.
^ ot very long ago Richard D. Hynson,
of Chestertown, one of the best known
lawyers on the Eastern shore, had a Bal
t-imore friend who is an enthusiastic
s P ort snian visiting him. Mr. Hynson
County 1?°^ 115 one ‘ nend day, intending over to Queen to give Anne him
some ginning on the farm of a gentle
man with whom he was well acquainted,
n the T saw a flock of partridges
-
ou another man ’! P lace ’ ? ud tempta
I 10 ] 1 was so S reat that the Baltimorean
da3 4 tkea , No
“ awaj at *; sooner
d i d de b I ln S one do ! fn thau the ner
of the farm pounced on him and ex¬
claimed:
“Here! I can prosecute you for that.
K’ 11 cost ? ou * 10 t0 S° t0 court.”
“What’s that ?” asked the Baltimorean,
taken aback.
"Just what I say. It’ll cost you $10.
Won’t it, Mr. Hynson?” inquired the
farmer, turning to the venerable man of
law.
“Yes,” quietly replied Mr. Hynson.
“You had bejjer settle with him now,”
he told his friend from the city. ‘‘Pay
him the $10."
l he Baltimorean drew out a ten
d , ,° !1 ^ “ 0te an 1 wasabo “ t to nand Jt
^ t She G remark re r - VnS ° Q PP
- „ •
mer, having recovered from his astonish¬
ment, wanted to know how that was Mr.
Hynson simply said:
"I’ll charge you $10 for uiy advice.”
It is safe to presume that Air. Hynson’s
visitor lost nothing in the transaction.—
Baltimore News.
- A Significant Ovarian Curiosity.
Dick Worsham had on exhibition in
th,s ... Clt / a h , f n , 8 e SS wb , 'eh . , is . a great
. . b end of tbe bell
which cu 1 r . L0 . 31 ^' of , extraordinary P? n oae . could ® be >
is size,
discerned a number of war
a ‘gliding Three upon the water s
vessels are plainly visi
b ' c - Turning the egg gradua.ly over
senpmffcjmes fully in view,
fne harbor of Apia. rhe similarity
strl terat kto§, indeed, enters and the mind the s-amoan beholding mat
once on
tba egg, which is the product of a hen
s ? breoght me Getman neighbors old of Wor- three
snam from the country
vears ag0 V -l he e ^ traordmar y bgures
- ell
n P° n tbe sb are thought tb to have pe
cuhar s,gn ^ ca “ ce I“ 3t at s time wbe “
ont . b<dw Germany and
Y America. ar 18 mimi -Mexico “ (Mo.) f Dispatc a . h.
! '" \.
lHtnoig .... One .. Vast Dairy, .
•
* The dairy interest of Illinois
is grow
ing products rapidly. iu the In- State 18fiS the value of milk
c00, while the value of was such over products $4,000.- in
United States' was $;SS,000,000.
number of cows in tirtOState i 3 900,
The average value off the product
00w 5n tbe northern part of the
where the interest is most exten
,is over $70. per annuffi. In the
Creameries are multiply
rapidly, in the and southern-counties the value of miik
has
in the 1 last two years. Dairying
becoihs an established interest in
counties. ; ' ' V
A California has received iMU*.
orderffor grower o
apples to be shipped to
Subscription : $1.25 is Adum.
REVERIE.
The long, alow ripples creep thy .wn» face,
Oh, sad, gray sea:
Far overhead the circling seagull makes !
Harsh minstrelsy.
The southern sky is full of clouds, blown far
From tropic lands.
That elowly draw the dusky vef! of night,
, With shadowy hands.
Behind me, shrined in verdure richly \
green,
The village lies.
Each spire, each humble roof, sharp cut
against
Where willful The roseate Nature skies, hath in frolic mood 1
Her palette c»3t,
And carmine, opal, roddy gold and pearl
Are richly massed.
Between th« gray sea and !*w darkling land
The white beach lie.-?,
Where sportive children fill the s'tamer air
With clear, glad cries;
Each shell-like foot a tiny hollow leaves
A fairy tarace,
Boon kissed from sight by wavelets following
close
In eager chase!
Oh, little voices! Music to my heart
So heavenly sweet!
Oh, runny heads! Oh, azure, star-like eyes!
Oh, rose-pink feet!
Heedless alike of lowering skies, or dear, '
Play cn, play on!
Above all storms the Father watches still—
The unchanging One!
— J. Holcombe Aiken, in Times-Democra
PITH AND POINT.
A cheap way to lay in coal—Sleep in
the coal bin .—Boston Courier.
A Scotch gravedigger once said:
“Trade’s very dull the noo. I haen a
buried a leevia’ cratur for three weeks. ”
“Eat with judgment,” says a learned
physician. Most people, however, will
continue to use their jaws.— Boston Post.
Julius.—“Oh. if you only loved me as
warmly both as I do cremated, you—” I Nellie—“We fear."
would be
’Tis said Love's blind, and cannot saa
n Just where his darts to aim—
’Tis noticed, though, that spite of this.
Love gets there just the same.
Occasionally a Boston woman conde¬
scends to run a sewing machine, but you
may be sure she uses nothing but refined
oil.
If a building catches fire in its upper
stcry it may bum down. If it takes fire
in the basement it may burn up.— Pica
yune.
Customer in Bank— “D the cashier
out?" Clerk—“No sir. He won’t be
out for about nine years .”—Washington
Critic.
Take her arm tenderly,
Hold it .with care.
Remember the dread
Vaccination is there.
—Merchant Traveler.
■ -‘Judge—“If I got as intoxicated as
you db, I’d shoot myself.” Prisoner—
“If you was ’s tossicated I am, you
could’t hitter barn door.”— /.crake's
Magazine.
The latest case of absence of mind is
that of a young lady, who, upon return¬
ing from a walk with her lover, rapped
him on the face and bade good night to
the door.
Unfortunate Skater—“Help! Help!”
Party on Bank—“Hold on! Hold on!
I’ll ran right home and get my book on
‘How to Kesusciate the Drowned and
Believe the Frost-Bittem J ?»
Mr. Scribbleburs:—“Have you seen
my iast book? It’s the best thing I’ve
done.” Miss Downer—“No, I haven’t
seen it, but I’ve heard nothing but good
of it so far.” Mr. S. (delightedly)— it?”
“Whom have you heard speak of
Miss D. — “Nobody but you.”
Aunt i with little girls—“Do you take
children, madam.” Landlady—“Oh,
yes, ma’am; we love children; the fam¬
ily on the third floor have five, on the
second floor there are seven, and we have
three of our own. You needn’t feel any
hesitancy on that score.” Applicant— little
“H'm, yes. I think I will look a
further, madam.”— Harper's Bazar.
Silver-Toned Rocks.
At Dinan, France, in a picturesque
spot on the shore of the Argueuon are
some boulders of amphioole (a compound
silicate of iron, manganese and lime)
which are remarkable for the clear silver
sounds which may be obtained on strik¬
ing them with a piece of iron or a frag¬
ment of stone. The most sonorous of
the specimens weighs some seventy-five
tons, and from a spur on one end may be
made to emit the tones of a great bell
struck with a soft mallet. The sound is
less from other parts, and varies in musi¬
cal quality to a dull thud. The rocks
appear to have been derived from an un¬
derlying stratum.
Queer London Advertisements.
The following advertisements, taken
from a recent issue of the London Times,
illustrates lish life: some curious phrases of Eng¬
Unruly the rod girl—Wanted, is used. Address, a high-class R B., school, May’s
where
Advertising Intemperance—Ladies Offices, 162 Piccadilly. from
suffering the
effects of intemperance, or from the exces¬
sive use of drugs, are received at St,
Raphael’s patients Woodside, Croydon. Two hun¬
dred have been under treatment.
For admission apply to the secretary.
Domesticated lady—Middle-aged, requires
engagement as matron in school, worker in
home, Salary lady help, or any p osition of useful
ness. moderate. H. , Newark House,
Hempsted, Gloucester.
(jueen Victoria’s Income.
The act of Parliament by which the
civil list was resettled after the acces¬
sion of the Queen divides Her Majesty’s
allowance of $1,925,000 a year into five
classes, which are proportioned as fol¬
lows: 1. Privy purse, $800,000. 2. Sala¬
ries, household, retiring allowances,
$656,800.' d- Royal Expenses of household,
$862,500. 4. bounty, allowances
for specific services, $66,000. 5. Unap¬
propriated, $40,200.
'
Some succulent statistics are that there
. are in the Chesapeake yielding 578,224,000 square
miles of oyster beds, about 10,
000,000 bushels of oysters annually, afid
distributing people. about $3,000,’.00 among
50,-600
Califorjua fruit-growers will soon meet
to devisfe ways*.and means for success¬
fully the coping groubd-squirrel. with a. very troublesome
pest,