Newspaper Page Text
THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME VII. NUMBER 38.
Rents in Scotland are growing loittr
and lower.
It is estimated that the United States
has a doctor for every 600 inhabitants.
Pennsylvania has a new law which im¬
poses fine and imprisonment for the de
itruction of song-birds.
The Canadian Government is growing
uneasy over the influx of Mormons into
the Northwest provinces.
The efforts now being made in China
for the construction of their own heavy
guns promise to be very successful.
Bradlaugh. the infidel English agita¬
tor, strongly urges a seventy-five per cent.
cut in “the wages of Queen Victoria.”
Russia is said to be farther behindhand
than any other country in what are con¬
sidered the requisite tools of the trade of
war.
Japanese ladies refuse to adopt foreign
dress, and the Frenchman who was im¬
ported to spread Paris fashions has gone
home.
According to a German military
journal, no less than 150,000 young men
in Alsace-Lorraine have since 1874 evaded
military service.
The population of school age in the
United States is about 20,000,000. The
number of children attending Sunday
school is estimated at 7,000,000.
In Maine the mortgages on the farms
of that State have been reduced, figures
the New York Telegram, from nineteen
in twenty to one in twenty.
Foreign powers have lately taken up
the discussion as to whether oriu not war
correspondents were to be aim 1 "ed to
take part in future campaigns.
Very good, cheap land is rapidly dis¬
appearing in the United States,announces
the Chicago Sun, and speculative hold¬
ings are increasing at an alarming rate.
Lumber is reaching market from a
much larger number of places than a few
years ago, discovers Goodall's Sun , and
.hence the influence of lumber centers on
the market is dg^ping. • *
- To the American fistical Association
Mr. Amos G. Warm ias lately furnished
a paper in which he argues that poverty
is a disease, although he does not con
tend that it has its distinguishing mic¬
robe.
Queen Victoria, Julia Ward Howe and
Walt Whitman have celebrated their
seventieth birthdays within the last few
weeks. Victoria is in the best health of
the three; but, then, she has not had to
, work so hard as Julia and Walter.
At the rate the population of Norway
is now leaving that country for the
United States not one will be left there in
fifteen years, and the world can use the
vacant spaces, suggests the ingenius De¬
troit Free Press, for cold storage pur¬
poses.
The fact has just leaked out that Presi¬
dent Garfield died entirely alone, “At
the time of Ms death,” records the
Atlanta Constitution, “his doctors and
attendants had all left the room. When
they returned and found the President
dead, they hushed the matter up.”
As the moon, being nearer to us, seems
larger than Jupiter, so the proximity ol
the Johnstown disaster makes it appeal
greater than more dire calamities far
away. The overflow of the Kong-Ho
River in China in December, 1887,
drowned nearly a million of people and
drove many of the survivors to cannibal¬
ism.
The famous Leaning Tower of Pisa
has been put up for sale by lottery. The
municipality of Pisa hflvuiff been crrcafcly
straitened for money on account of f ex
pensive improvements, offers the tower
for sale, in order to prevent the town hall
from being seized, and has adopted the
method of a lottery J so as to get the high- °
est price possible.
The San Francisco Bulletin says the
Maltahs arc the only Indian tribe on that
coast that have saved their land and ac¬
cumulated money. Neah Bay,the second
harbor on the coast, is on their reserva
tion. They own three sealing, schooners
and run the only store in the whole eouu
try. During the sealing season most of
bucks hunters, getting . from §3
the go as
to $5 for each skin.
A scientific publication announces that
1 “cubic centimetre of wholesotho water
may contain from 53,000 to 770,000
colonics of bacteria.” It is also claimed,
lays the Chicago Herald, without a shud
ier, that the air is permeated with rniero
;occi and infinitesimal swarms of life.
Phe result is that we drink a slightly di
luted mass of bacilli and breath the same
slass of insects thinned out so as to pass
in and out of the lungs without too much
fricton.
devoted to tiie interest op Lincoln county.
THE HERO OF THE CONEMAUGH.
Above the valley of the Conemaugh
Black, boding clouds frowned down;
The spirit of the tempest shrieked
Its voiceless warning to a fated town.
“Flee, flee for your lives 1” it cried; ‘
“Escape the surge of the relentless tide!’’
Yet no one heeded—no one understood;
No warning reached those oft-warned ears.
Fathers but laughed and mothers fond
But smiled, and soothed their children’s
fears.
While still the tempest sobbed and cried:
‘ ‘Flee, flee for lives! Ride! ride!”
your
Far up the valley one man understood;
An unknown hero heard the awful cry,
And like a whirlwind rode he down
To warn them of death’s horror nigh.
“Flee, flee for your lives I” he cried;
“Escape the surge of the relentless tide.”
“He’s mad,” they thought. Few heeded what
he said;
Some laughed and scoffed, a handful fled,
But nearly aU remained behind
Within that Valley of the Dead.
Still on he rode and madly cried:
“Flee, flee for your lives! Ride! Ride”’
On, on he rode and raced with death,
Till, beaten in that unequal strife,
The torrent caught him, and his corpse
Swept on with those of men for whom he
gave his life;
And over all the tempest vainly sighed,
“Flee, flee for your lives! Ride! Ride!”
—New York Press.
A JUST RETRIBUTION.
BY WILLIAM M. GRAYDON.
I was busy among my maps and charts
at the cabin table when a dull, heavy
sound, twice repeated, came through the
open windows. Dropping everything I
hurried up on deck.
The marines were gathered along the
rail, looking off to the right bank of the
creek.
“Was that firing I heard?” 1 inquired,
eagerly.
“I think it was the report of a gun,
Captain,” said Lieutenant Osborne. “It
came from the shore, at a distance of
scarcely half a mile.”
All listened intently for a moment, and
then came a repetition of the sound, and
mingled with it we seemed to hear a cry.
I hesitated what course to pursue. An
investigation ought to be made; and yet
to venture off into the forest with a
handful of men seemed very risky pro¬
ceeding, for these Arab slave dealers are
no ly mean fighters, and this firing evident¬
could portend nothing else than that
they were about.
I was in command of a gunboat at¬
tached to the man-of-war Racer, which
was stationed on the East African coast,
®? lne miles north of Zanzibar, and which
en gagecl in the slave blockade. I
had been dispatched some fifty miles up
Vannas Creek to investigate a rumor that
the Arabs had a slave station near the
head waters somewhere.
Up5to this time I had met with no suc¬
cess. The country seemed to be de¬
serted. Of course we could not recon
niter far from the banks, for our force
was small, and a sufficient guard must
always be left in charge of the gunboat.
For these reasons I hesitated to advance
into the jungle; but two more shots in
rapid succession removed all doubts, and
I ordered a boat to be lowered instantly.
I landed my little force—a dozen trusty
marines—in a small cove, and we plunged
at once into the forest.
We moved with great caution, and soon
struck the rude path that bore traces of
travel. We continued along this in a
southerly direction, and had marched
nearly a mile when the two men whom I
had seut forward as an advance guard
hurried back at full speed and reported
that a number of natives and two white
men were only a few rods distant and
creating a considerable disturbance.
This information staggered me. Wliat
white men could be doing hero was more
than I could understand. We advanced
slowly, with rifles in readiness, Before
us was a break in the forest, and without
any difficulty we gained the edge of the
bush and obtained a clear view of the
open.
Some fifty or sixty stalwart negroes
were dancing about and making strange
gestures, while a few yards away, at the
base of a small hillock, stood two swarthy
men. They were on the defensive, evi¬
dently, for they held rifles in their hands,
and three dead negroes lay prostrate on
the ground in front of them.
Then I saw something else, for in the
center of the open lay one great mass of
glittering white ivory, tossed carelessly
in a heap. It was an ivory caravan from
the interior; for these negroes belonged
to no coast tribes.
What the dispute was about I could not
; evcn g«ess, nor did I have time to do so
for of a slldden the ncgroes dashcd
ward with a fierce shout. The men must
have been overpowered in spite of their
incessant and deadly fire; but just at the
C “ wc ‘™P t the
bushes, and the negroes fell back in
amazement.
The rescued men came forward with
outstretched hands, and I saw on closer
view that they were Portuguese.
“Schov, you have saved our lives,”
said the leader, in tolerably good Eng
lish. " He was an intelligent looking man
of thirty or thirty-five. “These
feoimdrels were determined to kill us.
My name is Torres,” he continued, “and
this,” pointing to his companion, “is my
friend, Castello. We are ivory traders,
and have brought these natives from the
interior at great cost. We pledged our
selves to send them home in safety, but
the fools suddenly made up their minds
that we proposed selling them to the
Arabs, and, mad with rage, they made
this sudden attack on us.”
I never did put much faith in Portu¬
guese, though this man was of a better
type than many I had met. Still he
might be speaking the truth.
I hesitated, not knowing what course
to pursue. The negroes were grouped
together at a little distance, sullenly
watching our movements, but making no
hostile demonstrations.
Suddenly one of them came forward, a
biff, stalwart fellow, with a leopard skin
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY, JULY 26. 1889.
about bis waist, and stopped in front of
me.
He began to jabber out a mixture of
bad English and native African, and,
more from his gestures than from hi3
speech, I comprehended what he said.
He declared that the Portuguese intended
to sell them into slavery, and affirmed that
he had seen Torres lurking behind on the
previous day to talk to an Arab that bad
come out of the forest.
He told me his name was Zuba, that he
was a head man in his tribe, and that he
had picked up his English at Zanzibar,
where he had been on several occasions.
He knew that I was English, and that the
English hated the Arabs, so he hoped
that I would protect his friends from the
Portuguese and the slave hunters.
Torres’s swarthy face flushed darker as
Zuba poured out his appeal.
“The hound lies,” he exclaimed,
angrily. “When they take the ivory to
the coast they will be paid and sent back
home. ”
“But see here, Torres,” I interrupted,
for I was beginning to get an inkling of
the state of the case, “You know well
that these natives are not safe within a
hundred miles of the coast. It looks to
me as though you had deceived them,
whether you intended to sell them to the
Arabs or not. They are certainly igno¬
rant of their real peril.”
The Portuguese grew confused, and
tried to stammer out some explanation,
but I made up my mind at once that it
was a clear case of treachery.
It was an extremely perilous situation
all round, and one that called for prompt
action. I at once ordered the arrest of the
two Portuguese, and before they could
think of resistance, my marines bad dis¬
armed them and pinioned their limbs.
The delighted negroes crowded round
us with cries of gratitude, but I soon con¬
vinced them that their danger was by no
means over. I could not liberate and let
them go, for the bands of slave hunters
that roamed the country would soon have
seized them, so my only course was to
take them on board the gunboat and let
the authorities of the Racer decide their
fate. I now had no doubt at all that
Torres and Castello had intended to sell
them into slavery, and I felt highly elated
at my capture of these Portuguese slave
hunters.
At my command Zuba and his dusky
friends took up their burdens of ivory,
and we started back along the rough
trail, Torres and Castello marching sul¬
lenly between two marines.
I noticed that they turned their heads
aside from time to time in a strange man¬
ner, and my suspicions were aroused.
Zuba was watchful and uneasy,and crept
along some distance ahead of the column
closely inspecting the jungle on all sides.
We had retraced half the distance back
when he hurried toward us, waving his
arm frantically, while the leopard skin
flapped about his loins.
“Arabs, heap Arabs!” he gasped, and
his face showed the deadly terror he
felt.
Ile tried to talk, but could only utter
inarticulate sounds and point with his
trembling hands.
The negroes, with a wail of terror,
dashed down their ivory and prepared to
flee.
“Shoot the first man that runs,” I cried.
“Now into the bushes, quick, aii of
you!”
The jungle was heavy at this point and
in a moment our party was hidden be¬
neath its cover, and none too soon, for
we could already hear voices in front.
My force was small, as I have said, and
I preferred, if possible, to escape a con
flict with the Arabs, whose number was
uncertain, and gain the gunboat with my
prisoners. The negroes were unarmed,
with the exception of Zuba, who carried
a great knife, so I put them in the rear
of the marines and left the Portuguese in
Zuba's care.
We scarcely ventured to breathe, but
crouched down to the ground holding
our arms in readiness for an attack. The
dreaded sounds came nearer, and soon,
peering out through the bushes, we saw a
formidable body of Arabs passing along
the path. Their leader was a powerful
fellow with a huge sear across his face,
and all of them bore guns, and had pis¬
tols stuck in their belts, while every man
carried a bunch of chains that clanked
as hurried
The party was a large one, comprising
forty or fifty men, and their presence here
made the guilt of the Portuguese plain as
day. They were hastening to an appointed
rendezvous.
All would probably have gone well, and
the negroes would have reached the gun¬
boat in safety, but as the rear guard of the
Arabs filed past, suddenly Torres gave a
loud shout. Before he could repeat it
Zuba felled him to the ground, but it was
too late; the mischief was already done.
The Arabs grouped together a moment
in consternation, and as they hesitated,
one of my men, in his excitment, exposed
his body. His uniform betrayed our
character, and the Arabs, spurred on by
their fierce hatred of the English, poured
a random fire into the jungle.
One of the marines fell, and terrible
cries of agony rose from the poor blacks.
Then we gave them an answering volley,
and with deadly effect. But reckless of
danger, they closed up and swept down
upon us in a dense mass.
Our fire raked down the foremost row,
but their onslaught was so fierce that we
fell back toward the river and gained the
shelter of heavy timber, where, from be¬
hind trees, we picked off the reckless
Arabs that exposed themselves to our fire.
Encumbered with helpless negroes, our
situation was desperate.
I concluded to retreat still nearer the
creek, for the firing must shortly bring as¬
sistance from the gunboat, The Portu
guese were dragged resistingly along, and
soon we reached a comparatively open
space where already the l'orest began to
slope toward the water.
But the crafty Arabs had stolen a
march on us,for ns we started to cross the
open, a straggling fire was poured in on
us from all sides, and the poor negroes
began to fall thickly. It was more than
they could stand, and in frantic terror
they scattered and fled directly into the
midst of their foes. They were lost, I
saw at a glance.
Every second was precious, and we
were about to make a dash, for the creek
when a hearty cheer rose above the din,
and up the slope came a file of marines,
led by Lieutenant Osborne, and driving
the Arabs to right and left. We joined
forces and charged the enemy, who fled in
confusion, but sad to say bore ofl with
them half of the negroes.
We found Castello lying dead with a
bullet through his head fired by his own
friends, but Torres and Zuba were both
missing. The Arabs still greatly out
numbered us, and their knowledge of the
ground gave them a decided advantage.
We started to march toward the creek,
abandoning the ivory, of course, but tak¬
ing along the bodies of five of our men,
and picking up on the way half a dozeD
of the terrified natives who had been in
hiding.
A few straggling shots were fired at us,
but we pressed on unheeding.
Osborne and I were in advance when
suddenly he lifted his hand.
“Listen,” he said. “What is that?”
Off to our right bushes were crackling,
and we could hear voice” raised in anger.
I was sure I recognized tnc sound of Tor
res’s voice. We broke through the jungle
into an open glade, and found Zuba and
Torres struggling in deadly combat. Be
fore we could reach the spot the enraged
negro wrested himself from the grasp of
the Portuguese, and drawing his knife,
buried it in the unhappy wretch's breast,
“See,” he cried, springing to his feet.
“It is right he die, when all my people he
betray!”
We tried to seize him, but with aery
he sprang into the forest and disappeared,
Torres was stone dead; and leaving
him where he lay at the foot of a tree,
we hurried on to the creek and reached
the boats in safety.
The Arabs must have been in close
pursuit, for a heavy fire greeted us from
shore as we rowed, out to the gunboats.
A few rounds from a small cannon, how¬
ever, soon drove the enemy back.
Before night we were gliding under
full steam down the creek, for my orders
were imperative and admitted of no delay,
much as I would have liked to punish the
Arabs.
The Racer at once organized an expe¬
dition to start inland from the coast, for
I w T as satisfied that a slave station existed
in the vicinity. While the preparations
for this was going on, an Arab dhow was
captured at the very mouth of Vannas
Creek, which, to my surprise, proved to
have on board the remnant of Zuba's
friends. More than half had either per¬
ished in the fight or still, remained in the
hands of the Arabs.
Of Zuba I never heard more; but I al¬
ways regarded the death of Torres and oi
Castello, who had caused all these mis¬
fortunes by their dastardly treachery, as a
just retribution for their crimes .—Tin
Argosy.
The Census of 1 SCO.
The census of 1890 will reveal many
wonderful changes. The central line ol
population will be much nearer the
Mississippi River than it was ten years
ago. A series of maps like those con¬
tained in the last census, of gradations
in color, to indicate the changes in
density of population, wealth, health
and other important facts, will present a
carious contrast with the maps that we
now have for the census of 1880, or that
of 1870. Over 16,000,000 acres of
land were sold in the last fiscal year
under the operation of the homestead and
timber-culture law. More than 124,000,
000 of acres have been settled in the last
eight years, representing a larger area
than the States of Indiana, Illinois, Ohio
and Michigan.
The greatest changes have been made in
the Northwestern group of States and
Territories, comprising Dakota, Ne¬
braska, Minnesota, Wyoming and Mon¬
tana, where nearly 60,000,000 of acres
have been settled in the last eight years.
In the Southwestern group, comprising
Kansas, Colorado, Missouri and New
Mexico, nearly 30,000,000 of acres
have been occupied. On the Pacific
Coast 19,000,000 of acres more
have been settled, and 13,000,000
of acres must be added to the
Southern States on both sides of the
Mississippi. Along the Pacific roads
18,000.000 of acres have been opened
since the last census. In other words,
the Government and the Pacific rail¬
roads have opened for settlement in the
last eight years a territory larger than
New England, Middle States and South
Carolina combined; larger than Ger¬
many or France, and about twice as
large as Great Britain and Ireland.—Bos¬
ton Magazine.
The Death-Roll of Football Players.
Footballers, commencing their practice
matches, will do well to study the death
roll of the English season now closing.
It has been one of the most grusome on
record. Scarcely a week has passed but
some would-be champion has been laid
low by a brutal kick in the stomach, or
has been incapacitated having from further vig¬
orous exercise by his leg, thigh,
collar-bone or shoulder-bone fractured or
receiving serious and life-lasting internal
injuries. YVithin two months no fewer
than eight young men were killed; while
during the season fourteen were injured
in a sufficiently serious manner to justify
public attention being drawn to the dan¬
gers of the game .—Cape Town ( Africa )
Argus.
Introduction of Paper Hangings.
The use of paper hangings—those ele¬
gant and inexpensive substitutes for the
costly arras and tapestries of formei
times—was introduced into France and
England early in the seventeenth century,
about the same time with leather hang¬
ings, which they soon entirely displaced.
The manufacture was carried on in Eng¬
land in 1748, and the first advertisement
of paper hangings for sale in tMs country
appeared about 1737. Paper bangings ol
domestic manufacture are said to have
been presented in 1763 to the Society oi
Arts, Manufactures and Commerce, insti¬
tuted in New Y’ovk.
Lake carriers are opposing a bridge
across the Detroit River, and are in favot
of a tunnel.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
What the Maiden Said—He Was Up
High—Mahomet and Pike's
Peak—George Was Prac¬
tical, Etc., Etc.
They lingered at her father’s door,
The — youth had said good night.
But still reluctant to depart,
Her tiny hand he pressed.
While all the love that filled his heart
His ardent looks confessed.
At length the maiden blushed and sighed
And said in accents low:
“ I hope, dear John, you will not try
To kiss me ’ere you go.”
—Boston Courier.
m , WAg vp H1GH
„ f*™ (^PP^g . , t( *el *“*?■ , d ,
°n °<”)
e you up, sir.
Guest n (drowsily recollecting the num
. ber of hls r°om)-“\es, flights.”
up ox
mahomet afd pikes peak.
Patron—“This set of teeth you made
^ or me 1® too big.”
Dentist—“Yes, sir. Sit down in the
ebair and I will enlarge your mouth a lit
de -”—Fork Tribune.
george was practical.
“How still and calm the moon is,” ex
claimed Amy feelingly.
“Yes,” replied George; “it is sober
now, but it will be full in two weeks. —
New York Sun.
-
THE YOUNG FIEND AGAIN.
“There is nothing sentimental about
Mary,” said Mrs. Palmer. “Even when
her lover is with her they sit far apart.”
“Y'es,” spoke up little Harry, ‘ ‘as long
as you are in the room.”— Epoch.
SOMETHING BOUSB TO GO.
“Does the Captain say whether we
shall break the record or not?”
“Y'es. He says that the record or the
boiler must go.’-’
“How lovely!”— Munsey's Meekly.
DID HE POP ?
He—“Talking about names, I wish I
Could get mine changed. I think it is
too ugly for anything.”
She (enthusiastically)—“Oh, I don’t.
t think it just lovely. —Burlington Free
Bress.
-
OIL WELL THAT ENDS WELL.
“Have you ever stopped to consider
What is the chief end of our existence on
this mundane sphere?” asked the solemn
old gentleman with the shining garb.
“Dividend,” replied the oil specula
tor .”—Terre Haute Express.
WHY HE HATES ’EM.
Miss Pyrtc—“What makes you such a
confirmed woman-hater. Mr. Olebach?”
Mr. Olebach—“Well, when I was a
young man a woman made a fool of me.”
Miss Pyrte—“And you never got over
it ?”—Terre Haute Express.
HE HAD HIGHER ASPIRATIONS.
“If you study hard, Tommy,” said a
fond father, “you may some da v be Presi
"
den L”
“O,” replied Tommy, “I want some
thing better than that. I want to be a
iamous shortstop.”_ New York Sun.
AN AWFUL LIAR.
Smith—“Robinson told me that his
tvife had been run over by a coach and
seriously injured. ”
Jones—“You can't believe what Robin
son says, he is such a braggart. I'll bet
it was only a delivery wagon. ”— Siftings.
A NEW MAKE OF SCALES.
Nickleby—“That's a strange pair of
scales you have there. I suppose they are
of the Ambuscade kind.”
Grocer—“Ambuscade? What is that?”
Nickleby—“Why, they lie in weight,
as it were .”—Lawrence (Mass.) American, j
FTVTN-r accpts >
3Ir. De Groot “Everything I ve got j
in the world is yours, Alice, if you 'll
only say the word!”
Little Tommy (from outside)—“They
, s one thing you wont get unless your
young man hurries. His boss just run
away!”
ROMANCE OF BOYHOOD.
Proser (to newsboy who has picked up
a horseshoe)—“Ah, my boy, I see you be¬
lieve in the superstition that hovers over
the horseshoe. Are you going to nail it
over your back door?”
Newsboy—“Naw. Coin' to sell it to
the junkman.”
PURSUING HIS STUDIES.
City Boarder—“So your son is home
from pursuing his studies at Yale?”
Farmer—“Y’es, he got back yester¬
day. As you say, I guess he has been
pursuing ’em, but he is so far behind
hand that I don't think he will ever catch
’ip.”— Siftings.
SHE GOT THERE.
Elsie and Charlie are out walking.
Elsie—“Oh! I feel sick; I am going
to faint!”
Charlie—“Oh, my! What will I do
if you do?”
Elsie (feebly)—“Carry me into that
ice-cream store.” (Faints.)— Epoch.
ONE EFFECT.
“The introduction of baseball has
changed English the meaning of some words in
the language.”
“Is that so?”
“Y’es. For instance, twenty used to
be a score, but now a score is anywhere
from one to twelve, or even a goose egg.”
—New York Sun.
IMrROVED CIRCUMSTANCES.
Peter-—“You children turn up your
noses at everytMnff on the table. YVheu
I was a boy I was glad to get enough dry
bread to eat.”
Tommy—“Say, pa you’re having a
much better time of it now you are liv¬
ing with us, ain’t you?”— Crip.
A VEGETABLE COW.
Mrs. Amateur (accompanying the gar¬
dener over the new farm)—“What is
that plant, Davis?”
Davis—“Milkweed, ma’am.”
Mrs. Amateur (ten minutes later, burst
ing excitedly into her husband's den)—
“Jack, there's no earthly need of our
keeping so many cows; this place is
overrun with milkweed, and we may as
well economize a little ."—Town Topics.
HE didn’t insist.
Ella— 1 ‘How do vou like Mr. Mash? I
hear he called the o'ther night.”
Ethel—“I think he's fearfully horrid.
He asked me if I could play on the piano,
and I told him that I couldn't play
much.”
“And what then?”
* “That .”—New
was all York Sun.
AN ERROR CORRECTED.
Our Food-Dispenser—“What part ol
the chicken do you prefer, Mr. Pipe
w rass?”
r Mr. Switzer—
Chorus of Sir. Chubb I want leg.
3fr. Gowav— a
.
Our Food-Dispenser—“Gents, Mr. Holder—J this
ain't no centipede.”— Judge.
a business trax« action
Little Schoolboy-Gramma, ’ you said
if rdbting “ voua reward of mer it you'd J
*
• k - f „
.
~
yf amma _..y c , s ’ m T pet 1 ' ”
’
“Here it is.”
“But this has Tommy Toodles's name
on it.”
‘Yes, 'm; I traded him my old knife
for it .”—Harper s Bazar.
THE TEEM APPLIED.
Tramp (to pedestrian)—“Would you j j
be kind enough to give me fifteen cents?
I want to buy a clean collar, and have my
boots blacked.” ..
Pedestrian—“What is your profes¬
sion?”
Tramp—“I’m on the railroad.”
Pedestrian—“Brake-man?”
Tramp—“Well-er—kind of a brake
man; I'm nearly always broke.”
A COMMON REVENGE.
“I bear that young clerk of yours who
was tempted to take a few dollars of your
money has turned over a new leaf and is
leading an honest life,” remarked Jasper.
“Is he doing well?” asked Houndem.”
“Yes, he said it was very hard to live
down such a disgrace, but it was just
gettingto be forgotten.”
j “In that case,’’gloated Houndem, “1
will have the thing referred to again in
the papers .”—The Epoch.
A SEW PROFESSION.
First Tramp (in the suburbs)—“Say,
Bill, I've got a regular job, and it 'tain't
work, nuther. It's just like a reg'lai
profesh, and I'm gettin’ big fees. See
that tener?”
Second Tramp—“Jimminy Crickets!
Wat does ver do?”
“I sdeaks around at night and throws
Ie ' lawn out of gear.”
P eo P s mowers
“But who pays yer fer that?
“Next door neighbors wot wants ter
s ' ce P -"—York Weekly.
-
the opinion of a practical man.
“3Ir. Swackhammer,” said the repor¬
ter, notebook in hand, “you have seen,
of course, many of the suggestions that
have been made as to the adoption of a
rational flower. 3Iay I ask what your
individual opinion is on the subject?” :
“I have not considered the matter
deeply as yet,” replied the 3Iinnesota
Congressman thoughtfully, “but as a
practical man I should say it ought to be
of the best XXXX brand. Chicago
lrioune.
HE SAW THE PROPRIETOR.
Wife—“John, I wish you'd go into
Coffee & Co.’s when you're down town
and see wbv they haven't sent up the
groceries I ordered by postal card two
days ago. It's shameful to neglect my
order so. Just give them a real hard
scolding, will vou, John?”
John—“I shall go there and see 3Ir.
Coffee himself about it.”
John (an hour later)—“3Ir. Coffee,
here’s an order on this postal card that
I've carried in my pocket two days. I
wish you'd get the goods up to the house
early this morning; will you, please?”—
Epoch.
IT IS ALL RIGHT.
“I think I dropped a letter into the
mail the other day without stamping it,”
said a man at the postoffice as he called
for the chief clerk.
“If you did it has gone to the Dead
Letter office.”
“Has, eh? You must have known that
it was a mistake.”
“Yes.”
“And you ought to have held it for in¬
quiry?”
“We have our rules.”
“And they are mighty independent
rules, let me tell you! The Postoffice De¬
partment needs overhauling, and I'll help
to see it done!”
The next day the man returned, this
time with a smile on his face, and said:
“You remember I was speaking about
an unstamped letter?”
“Y'es.”
“I was much put out.”
“Yes.”
“Well, I want to apologize. That let¬
ter was directed to an acquaintance. In
it I caliad him a liar and a horse thief.
Last night I found out that I was mis¬
taken. He hasn’t got the letter and won’t
get it, and so won’t know anything about
it. The Postoflice Department is all
right. Rules are all right. Clerks are
all right. Have a cigar and press on to
promotion and increased salary. "—Detroit
Free Press.
A turpentine well is reported to have
been discovered in Laurens CountY. Ga.
SoMptioj: $1.25 In idrace.
THE CALENDAR OF GEMS.
January.
By her who in this month is born
No gem save Garnets should be worn.
They will insure her constancy,
True friendship, and fidelity.
February.
The February born shall find
Sincerity and peace of mind.
Freedom from passion and from care,
Cf they the Amethyst will wear,
March.
Who on this world of ours their eyes
In March first open shall be wise,
In days of peril firm and brave,
And wear a Bloodstone to their grave.
April.
ahe who from A P ril ber Fears
Diamonds should wear, lest bitter tears
vain repentance flow; this stone
“ n “ !em mnoc euce, is known,
May.
Who first beholds the light of day
In spring's sweet flowery month of May
And wears an Emerald all her life,
Shall be a loved and happy wife.
June.
__ ^
w 'th summer to this earth,
And owes to June her hour of birth,
With ring of Agate on her hand
Can health, wealth and long life command.
July.
The glowing Ruby shall adorn
Those who in warm July are born
Then will they be exempt and free
From love's doubts and anxiety
August.
Wear a Sardonyx, or for thee
No conjugal felicity;
The August bom without this stone.'
Tis said, must live unloved and lone.
September.
A maiden bora when autumn leaves
Are rustling in September’s breeze,
A Sapphire on her brow should bind,
Twill cure diseases of the mind
October.
October's child is born for woe,
And life’s vicissitudes must know.
But lay an Opal on her breast
And hope will lull those words to rest.
November.
Who first comes to this world below
With drear November’s fog and snov
Should prize the Topaz’ amber hue,
Emblem of friends and lovers true.
December.
If cold December gave you birth,
The month of snow and ice and. mirth.
Place on your hand a Turquoise blue,
Success will bless whate'er you do.
—Notes and Queries.
PITH m POINT.
V.
A great composer—Chloroform.
An old club-house—The station-house.
The widow's might is greatly under¬
estimated.
The groom is likely to be a more stablt
character than his master.
The successful farmer has to be sharp
as a raiser .—Merchant Traveler.
A visit to a grocery is generally the
beginning of a new order of things.
It is much easier for some men to shir
up a tree than to foot up a column oi
figures.
“Talk is ch«.ip.” Not always. The
hunter's -------- talk is often deer .—Boston
Courier.
3Iiss Avenoo—“Is that Miss Soulful a
musician? Miss De Note “No, iu
deed. She calls Vogner ‘Wagner. • r
New York Tribune.
“Wood you?’’ said the coal dealer, cutely.
“I wouldn't, then, ” she answered quite grim;
And as he fired up slightly.
She gave the coal shoulder to him.
—Washington Critic.
The statue of Liberty is beginning to
look rather seedy. Well, how could if
look otherwise when she has had only
one “Jersey” to her back ?—New Yorl
Herald.
An Irishman having been told that th«
price of bread had been lowered, ex
laimed: “This is the first time I ever
rejoiced in the fall of my best friend.”—
London Tit-Bits.
GONE FOREVER.
Where are the roses, sweet, that bloomed
But now upon your cheek ? Oh, grief!
I see it all: they were assumed,
They've rubbed off on your handkerchief.
— Bazar.
Gathering Horeliound.
The Woodland (Cal.) Mail states that
r party passed through that town with a
large wagon loaded with horehound,
which they had gathered in different
parts of Yolo County. It grows wild
along Cache Creek and in many other
places. They were taking the horehound
to Sacramento, where they will bale it
and ship it to Peoria, Ill. This is not
their first trip into Yolo County for the
plant. They have stored at Sacramento
nine tons, and with the ton gathered dur¬
ing the Jast trip, will have sufficient to
load a car. They value the ten $200 tons at
8750, and will have to pay for
freight. They gathered the ten tons in
•.wo months.
Footwear in China.
There are a variety of boots and shoes
used in China. The common shoe is
made of thick, heavy elt, with a still
thicker sole made of-woven straw or lay
srs of felt. This sole does not come out
to the end of the shoe, but rounds up¬
ward at the ball of the foot. This puts
the Chinaman on a pair of rockers, as it
were, and gives him a rolling gait.
Chinese persons of rank wear boots
with tMck soles and legs of fine cloth or
silk that reach half way up to the knee.
Among the peasants rude shoes are
woven of straw.
Heaven’s Artillery.
The immemorial belief in thunder-bolta
is probably founded on the circumstance
chat falling meteors occasionally explode
with a thunder-like detonation. Th ree
weeks ago a little highland village, eight
miles west of Janina, in the southern
Balkans, was startled by the descent of a
shower of meteoric iton-stones, accom¬
panied by an explosion that echoed
through the mountains exactly like a peal
of rolling thunder,— Drake's Magazine.