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THE LINCOLNTON NEWS
VOLUME IX. NUMBER 5.
THIS GREAT SOUTH AMERICAN
NERVINE TONIC
■AND
Stomaeh^Liver Cure
The Most Astonishing Medical Discovery o!
the Last One Hundred Years. ,
It is Pleasant to the Taste as the Sweetest NectaM
It is Safe and Harmless as the Purest Milk.
This wonderful Nervine Tonic has only recently been introduced into
this country by the Great South American Medicine Company, and vet its
great value as a curative agent has long been known by the native inhab¬
itants of South America, who rely almost wholly upon its great medicinal
powers to cure every form of disease by which they are overtaken, t
This new and valuable South American medicine possesses powers and
qualities completely hitherto unknown to the medical profession. This medicine has
solved the problem of the cure of Indigestion, Dyspepsia, Liver
forms Complaint, of and diseases of the general Nervous System. It aim cures all
Nervine Tonic toiling qualities heal th from whatever cause. It performs this by the Great
which it possesses and by its great curative powers
upon the digestive organs, the stomach, the liver and the bowels. • No remedy
compares with this wonderfully valuable Nervine Tonic as a builder and
strengthener of the life forces of the human body and as a great renewer of
a broken down constitution. It is also of more real permanent value in the
treatment aud cure of diseases of the Lungs than any ten consumption rem¬
edies ever used on this continent. It is a marvelous cure for nervousness
of females of all ages. Ladies who are approaching the critical period known
as change m life, should not fail to use this great Nervine Tonic almost
constantly for,the space of two or three years. It will carry them safely
over the danger. This, great strengthener and curative is of inestimable
value to the aged and infirm, because its great energizing properties wiH
give them a new hold on life. It will add ten or fifteen years to the lives of
many of those who will use a half dozen bottles of the remedy each year.
CURES
Nervousness and Broken Constitution,
Nervous Prostration, Debility of Old Age,
Nervous Headache and Indigestion and Dyspeps to*
Sick Headache, Heartburn and Sour Stomach,
Female Weakness, Weight and Tenderness in Stomach,
All Diseases of Women, Loss of Appetite,
Nervous Chills, Frightful Dreams,
Nervous Paralysis, Paroxysms Dizziness and Ringing in the Ears,
and Weakness of Extremities and
Nervous Choking Fainting,
liot Palpitation Flashes, Heart, Impure and Impoverished Blood,
of the Boils and Carbuncles,
Mental Despondency, Scrofula,
8t Sleeplessness, Scrofulous Swelling and Ulcers,
Vitus’s Dance, Consumption of the Lungs,
Nervousness of Females, Catarrh of the Lungs,
Nervousness of Old Age, Bronchitis and Chronic Cough,
Pains Neuralgia, Liver Complaint,
in the Heart, Chronic Diarrhoea,
Pains in the Back, Delicate and Scrofulous Children,
Failing Health. Summer Complaint of Infants.
All these and many other complaints cured by this wonderful Nervine Tonic.
NERVOUS DISEASES.
As a cure for every class of Nervous Diseases, no remedy Las been able
to compare with tbe Nervine Tonic, which is very pleasant and harmless in
all its effects upon the youngest child or the oldest and most delicate individ
ual. Nine-tenths of all the ailments to -which the human family is heir, are
insufficient dependent ou nervous exhaustion and impaired, digestion. When there is an
supply of nerve food in the blood, a general state of debility of
body are carried on, it is the first to suffer for want of perfect nutrition.
Ordinary food does not the contain a sufficient quantity of the kind of nutriment
necessary to repair wear our present mode of living and labor imposes
upon the nerves. For this reason it becomes necessary that a nerve food be
supplied. found, by This recent production of the isouth American Continent has been
is-formed. analysis, This to contain the essential elements out of which nerve tissue
accounts for its magic power to cure all forms of nervous
derangements.
Crawfordsvtlle, Ind , Aug. 20, 9 86,]
To the Great South American Medicine Co,:
Dear Gents I desire to say to you that I
have suffered lor many years with a very seri¬
ous disease of the stomach aij.d nerves. I tried
every medicine I could hear of but nothing
done me any appreciable good until I was ad¬
vised to try your Great South American Nervine
Tonic ana Stomach and Liver Cure, and since
surprised using several bottles of it I must say that I am
at its wonderful powers to cur® the
stomach and general nervous system. If every¬
one knew the value of this remedy as I do, you
would r ot be able to supply the demand.
J. A. Hardee,
Ex-Treas. Montgomery Co.
A SWORN CURE FOR ST. VITUS’S DANCE OR CHOREA:
My CRAWFORDS VIT-LE, Ind., May 19,18S6.
flicted daughter, for several twelve months years with old, Chorea had been af¬ St.
Vituses or
Dance. She was reduced to a skeleton,
could not walk, could not talk, could not swal
can — Nervine Tonic; the effects were very sur
prising, ln three days she was rid of the ner
vousness, and completely. rapidly improved. I think Four the bottles
curcd her South
American Nervine and would the recommend grandest remedy it to ever
discovered, Me3. W. S. Ensmingee. every
one. 1„.
Hlate of Indiana, County,
Subscribed Montgomery and to before me this May
sworn
Chas. M. Travis, Notary Public,
INDIGESTION AND DYSPEPSIA.
The Great South Ameiican Nervine Tonic
Which we the now cure.of offer you, Indigestion, is the only Dyspejisia, absolutely and unfailing the remedy ever di 1SCOV
ered for vast train, of sympto ma
and horrors which are the result of disease and debility of the human stom¬
ach. No person can of afford Stomach, to pass by because this jewel the of incalculable value who is
affected by disease the experience and testimony of
thousands go to prove that this is the one and only one great cure in the
world for this universal destroyer. There is no case of unmalignant disease
of the stomach which can resist the wonderful curative powers of the South
Nervine Tonic.
Harriet E. Hall, of Waynetown, South Ind., Bays:
”1 owe my life to The Great American
Nervine. T had been in bed for five months
from the effects of an exhausted and Stomach, general In¬
digestion, Nervous Prostration a Had
shattered condition of my whole system. tried
given up all hopes of getting well. Had
three doctors with no relief. The first bottle of
the Nervine Tonic improved me so much that I
was able to walk about, and a few bottles cured
me entirely. I believe it the best medicine in
the world. I can not recommend it too highly.’
Mrs M. Russell, Sugar Creek Valley, of Ind.,
writes: “I have used several bottles win Tho I
•outh American Nervine medicine Tonic, in and the world. say I
consider it the best of of children,
believe It saved the lives nothing two appeared ray do
They were down and procured this remedy, to
them any good until I liow rapidly they both
It was very surprising I recommend the medi
improved on its use.
Cine to aU my neighbor.
EVERY BOTTLE WARRANTED.
price. Large IS ounce Bottlos, $1.2B. Trial Size, 18 cents ^
GROVER & M
P9I0 Wholesale and
DEVOTED TO THE INTEREST OF LINCOLN COUNTY.
Mr. Solomon Bond, a member of the Society
of Friends, of Darlington, Ind., says: “I have
used twelve bottles of The Great South Ameri¬
can Nervine Tonic and Stomach and Liver Cure,
and I consider that every bottle did for me one
hundred dollars worth of good, because I have
not had a good night’s sleep lor twenty years
on account of irritation, pain, horrible dreams,
and general nervous prostration, which has
been caused by chronic indigestion and dys¬
condition pepsia of of the stomach and by a broken down
lie down and my nervous system. But now I can
and I feel like sleep all night as sweetly as a baby,
a sound man. I do not think
there has ever been a medicine introduced into
this country which will at all compare with
this Nervine Tonic as a cure for the stomach.”
CRAwroRDSvniE, Ind., June 22,1887.
My daughter, eleven years old, was severely
afflicted with St. Vitus’s Dance or Chorea. We
gave her three and one-half bottles of South
ssrtssxAtrjssHi.
Vitus’s Dance. I have kept it in my family for
two years, and am sure it is the greatest rem
sia, edy all in forms the world of Nervous for Indigestion Disorders and Dyspep- Failing
Health and
from whatever cause,
State John T. Wish.
, I Montgomery of Indiana, County, 1 ss
Subscribed and f to ■ before June
£2,1887. sworn Chas. mo this
. W. Wright,
Public.
Mrs. Ella A. Bratton, of New Ross, Indiana,
says: “I can not express how much I owe to tho
.Nervine Tonic. My system was completely
: spitting mattered, appetite blood; gone, was coughing an,,
up am sure I was in tho first
stages of consumption, an inheritance handed
down through several generations. I began
taking for tho about Nervine six months, Tonic and and continued its
vso am entirely
cured. It is the grandest remedy for nerves,
stomach and lungs I have ever seen.
Ed. J. Brown, Druggist, of Edina, Mo., writes:
coughing “My health severely. had beeu I only very weighed poor for years, pounds was
110
when I commenced using South American
Nervine. I have used two bottles and now
weigh better than 130 pounds, have been and for am five much stronger Am and
would not have lived through years. the Winter sure had
I not secured this remedy. My customers see
what it has done for me and ouy it eagerly.
It gives great satisfaction.”
LINCOLNTON, GEORGIA, FRIDAY. NOVEMBER 28, 1890.
THE BOOK OF LIFE.
Our life’s a book—a different pago
Is turned each day;
The mysteries the next conceals
None dare to say.
The binding of Life’s book is Hope.
With Faith enwove;
The golden rim about its leaves
Is human love.
And each event, each deed of ours,
Itself prints there¬
in blurred type. Sin; while virtue stamps
In letters clear.
Each noble act performed is marked
in blue and gold;
But all unjust or wicked deeds.
Black lines enfold.
A bright illuminated scroll
Adorns each page
For each temptation we withstand
From youth to age.
Our days its numbered folios are.
And Death its clasp.
The power to make this volume fair
Is in our grasp.
So Jive that when all work is done
And laid aside.
Our children’s eyes may look upon
The Book with pride,
Then, jaunting fear,
When, haply, we may rest amon- °
The honored dead
-Are C. *■* in Ladies’ Home
AH ENGINEER’S STORY,
BY 8. T. BURDICK.
I was running the “Old Black Hand”
on the M. C. & L. Railroad. Let me
see! It was just sixteen years ago.. If
j you days, ever traveled on that road in those
no doubt you remember the “Old
Black Hand.”
She was a fine engine—an M. Baldwin
patent—an eight-wheeled driver, and I
loved her as the seaman loved his craft
or a turfman his horse that wins him the
race. I had run on the road for three
years and was perfectly familiar with the
liffle from one end to the other.
About six months previous to the time
of which I write, an accident had oc
curred on the E. Creek trestle, ten miles
east of C. The trestle was 600 feet in
length, and the greatest depth was near
the west bank, sixty-two feet.
The station man had fallen from
trestle after the night train had passed
and from appearances, when found next
morning, had been instantly killed.
The next night after the accident as I
was the stepping on the foot board_I ran
night express—the Superintendent
came to me and told me in a few hurried
words that he wanted to place an old
man and a young-girl on my engine and
he wished me to-make some pretext to
stop.at toe E. Creek trestle and let them
off without letting the conductor know
they had been on the train, and at the
same time he enjoined on me perfect
secrecy, and positively forbade me asking
aD Y question whatever.
This strange proceeding on the part of
tie , superintendent puzzled
? about me greatly.
and e a man fifty years of a S e .
we , kno "' n as a thorough business
.
from the conductor, who, like myself
was only an employe of the company ’ i
could not for my life imagine.
There was a large crowd in the depot
a " toe time, as is usually the case in large
cities, and he passed the parties up to
me without being observed.
Time was up; the bell rang, and the
train moved out into the darkness. i
After trying the gauges, aud aranaing
things about the engine, I sat down op
posite my two passengers and took a sur
vey of their pe-sons.
The man was perhaps sixty years old,
hair and beard as white as snow, sharp
gray eyes filled with energy and an in¬
describable sad expression of counten¬
ance that bespoke deep sorrow. His
form was slight, yet well proportioned,
and his movement was quick aud
.
nervous.
The girl was perhaps seventeen years
of age, with eyes as black as night and a
well-poised head covered with shining
coils of hair of the same sable hue. She
resembled the old man in the general
contour of form aud feature, and no
doubt they stood in the relation of parent
and child, and aa her face partook of the
same sad expression, it was to be pre¬
sumed she was a sharer of his sorrows,
whatever they might have been. •
As ten miles on an express train, run¬
ning at full speed, is a short ride, aud* I
knew we were nearing the E. Creek tres¬
tle, I rose to my feet and placed my baud
on the lever of the throttle valve.
My companion seemed to understand
the movement perfectly. The old man
cast a sharp glance at me and then at the
girl, adjusted his cloak, and peered out
into the darkness.
I then shut off the steam with one shove
of the lever, whistled “down brakes,”
and then commenced a series of short,
sharp toots as though to frighten some
animal off the track
The train slowed up, and in a moment
more stood still
The conductor jumped off at one side
of the train, and came forward with his
lantern, and my passengers got off at the
otber
I assisted the girl to alight, and as her
warm hand rested one moment in mine a
thrill like that caused by an electric ma
chine through veins. '
ran my
She pressed my hands and left in my
grasp a small card, which I hastily ' thrusc
into my pocket.
The old man wrung ray hand and then
the two hurried out into the darkness.
I ran forward on the track; in a mo
ment turned and came
ductor
hi
took the card from raj pocket, and on
was penciled in a small, delicate hand:
Mention this to no one, and I will be
your friend.
i turned the card over and over, but
a was all, and I could do nothing but
1 8Urln ' SC w ‘ tb re 8 ! '* rd to the
matter
T 1 pictured in my mind all sorts of
stones and trains of circumstances that
cou.d have brought such an event about,
but all to no purpose.
Jn returning to C. the next night I
met the Superintendent on the platform,
He looked at me in an anxious, inquir
mg manner. I knew hi, meaning and
nodded tnat all was well and passed into
toe °® ce -
The next week I was surprised at re
cel ving almost double pay, which wages
continued as iong-as I remained on the
road -
Time went on for about six months,
and I could get no c!ew to the mystery,
but I invariably kept a sharp lookout as
I neared the E. Creek trestle—for what
reason I could not tell, as I certainly
could not expect to see my two former
passengers at that point again, but still
some unknown attraction compelled me
to look.
It was now in the early part of the
winter of 18o7. The n.ght was exceed
darkandStorm ?’ anu had been
£3 lT
time. 'S&ZSfZSl&SlfSi
For once I did not think of the E.
creek trestle until the headlight flashed
oa tbe * c y ro °f the smad station
house situated ’’bout 300 yards from the
creek ’
ln a “omeutl was on my feet looking
! akead- d bad unconsciously shut off the
; steam, and had my hand upon
w b is tle cord.
Did . I see something on the track
was Jt Pagination ?
Ia a moment I bad whistled “down
brakes,” and not an instant too soon,
for tbe S Iare of toe headlight revealed
j broken f emale lantern, form lying and a few feet further on
a ^ prostrate across the
ra s ’
1 s P ran S to toe reverse lever, and
’ throwing my whole force into the raove
men t> reversed the action of the engine,
and then let the steam on with a jerk,
A s harp> hissing sound ensued, and in
a momeut the wheels wese spinning
around iu an opposite direction amid
1,000,000 sparks that lit the scene with
a briUiant S lare -
ba a moment I had passed along the
runnin g board and was now on the “cow
catch e>’,” one foot firmly planted on the
fart hest bar, my left hand grasping one
of toe strong.iron ribs, and my body for
" ard with an ana exteudfd toward
T, ianimate form we were rapidly
P r °aching.
Tbe w b eel3 crushed the lantern into a
thousand atoms, and were within a foot
of tbe white, upturned face.^ I lowered
my hand nearly to the ground and braced
m % '; s ,?! hat f !° “ r . I I 110 sh , sh ° uld °j k mlss ’. h° ld? 1 et
s
ml«I!l , tSreW my wh ° 6 ecersy * m .
, - j . . . .
the pilot Then everything
seemed to whirl around for an instant,
and ail was oblivion.
When I came to myself I found myself
on a lounge in a small, neat room, and
an old man and a young woman bending
over me, whom I at once recognized as
my two passengers of six months previ¬
ous.
In ... attempting to move I found I was
senoua injured, aud the old man di¬
reoted me t0 kee P perfectly quiet, telling
mc my arm was brokeu ’ andI was ^ber¬
W13e badly injured, but I had, neverthe
saved toe life of his daughter, for
which he tendered me the most ardent
toanks.
His daughter testified her gratitude in
a glance far more eloquent than words.
Ere I had recovered from my illness, the
man had rellted to me the story of
his eventful life.
merchant Some years before neighboring be Jiad been a wealthy
in a city, where
Mr, R., the present (Superintendent of
the railroad, was also engaged in busi¬
ness. t
In the financial cr;«h of 18—Mr. R.
became embarrassed and was on the
verge of ruin. Mr. dollies—that being
the old mau’s name—Assisted J him out of
liis financial difficulty
In time he removed to C-* became a
heavy stockholder in the road, and finally
became Superintendent of the road.
Meanwhile,, by due of those inexpli¬
cable revulsions in the tide of fortViae,
Mr. Collins had experienced the most se¬
vere reverses, and his fortune had literal¬
ly taken to itself wiugs and had flown
away; and added to the loss* of fortune
was the still greater one of the death of a
dearly beloved wife.
In his extremity he came to C. and
called upon his former fuend. Mr. It.
receive i him cordially, and made him
many offers, even proposing to advance
bim a sufficlent sum to set him up m
.
f! e ff'’
A , these offers „ the old ., refused, ,
man
aud lina]ly accepted the position as sta
tlon man at trestle work, which
bad bee ? ™ de vaC!mt by the
aCl l‘^ The en dutles ^ hrst alluded wcre h f to. b \“ amly c ° nsi f
ing in passing over the bridge after the
l >aasa ° e of c “ ck trabl '
Ia connection with the station was a
small > neat f tta ° e ’ ,' vh,uh the atation
occupied . and where removed from
! the f res of business Me, the broken
! rae !' chaut made !lIS home ln Ccutentment
and peace.
The conductor of the train of which I
"-as engineer had at one tjme been very
intimateinMr^figiita^('family, andr#' 1
the daughter JLfc t-tais time weii'-engaged hew-^.-.supposed to i
It) be quite wealthy and mrfrad i* toe
fjjsited ’peat-circles of sopietv; but betrotM, whe^ revai3es
Bpil the famiiy of hit tmmfullf, »»
as a
the X ouse
- was at dice
d
by his companions.he declared his inten
tions had never bean serious, and that he
had only flirted with the young lady to
^j]j fj mej an! j looked much higher in his
selection of a wife.
Amanda, for this was my heroine’s
name, was of a sensitive nature, and felt
the matter keenly, and bitterly resentci’
the gross injustice done her.
When, in company with her father,
she was about to step on the train on the
night of our first meeting, she observed
with terrible trepiditiem that the con
ductor was none other than her former
j suitor, and desiring to avoid contact
with } m, the arrangement was perfected
j of which the reader has already been
j made On acquainted. the of the
■ j lins evening storm Mr. Col
was ill, and his daughter had volun
: teered to take his place and cross the
bridge. While returning she missed her
footing and fell, striking her forehead
against the rail and rendering her quite
insensible.
The light reflected from the engine on
the broken lantern, which she had
dropped in her fall, had first caught my
attention, and was fortunately the provi¬
dential means of saving her life.
In lifting her from the track, which I
had succeeded in doing uot a moment
too soon, I had fractured my arm near
the shoulder, and the pain of the occa¬
sion had caused me to faint dead away.
My fireman shut off steam, and res¬
cued us from our perilous situation, and
carried us into the cottage where we had
been properly cared for.
Fortunately a passenger on the train
was a good engineer and took charge of
my engine until I was able to resume the
care of it
Of course before my convalescence I
had fallen desperately in love with my
fair Durse, and if the reader were to visit
our little cottage to-day, he would hear
her say, as she bends over me with our
little boy in her arras:
“My dear, why don’t you cross your
t’s and dot your i’s?”
And I look up to the eyes of my gentle
wife and say:
“Never mind, my lore; the printer
will fix it all right even if he does scold
a little .”—Columbus {Ohio) Press.
An Anecdote of Sheridan.
While the United States was engaged
in the great Civil War, France and Aus¬
tria took advantage of our comparatively
helpless condition to attempt the conquest
of Mexico, with a view to construct a new
empire there under Maximilian. General
Grant was strongly opposed to this policy,
and after Appomattox sent Sheridan with
an army to the lower Rio Grande to ob¬
serve toe movements of the foreigners
aud to be in readiness to intervene when
ever Congre&s gave permission.
An orderly woke the Colonel soon after
daylight one morning and urged him to
go down to the ban*£ of the river, as
something remarkable was going on
there. The Colonel did so, and had the
gratification of seeing a combat—it could
hardly be called a battle—between the
national troops, the adherents of Juarez,
and the Mexicans who were serving under
the banner of Maximilian and who were
in possession of Matamoras. The object
of the Juarez troops was, of course, to
drive the enemy from Matamoras and hold
the place, as, owing to its proximity to
the United States forces, it was a very
important point. Each side seemed to
be fortified, and was engaged in a con
test at long range,- which was neither
very exciting nor destructive. The next
morning the orderly came again to wake
toa Colonel, and -assured him that he
would see some genuine fighting. The
Colonel hurried down to the bank, and
there he saw the Juarez men leave their
intrenchments, advance with the utmost
intrepedity, storm the works at Mata
moras and drive the adherents of Maxi
milian through the town and far beyond
out into the open country. Of course
Sheridan could not send a force to the
other side of the river without the author
ity of Congress and the War Department.
That would have been an unheard-ot
proceeding. What he did do was to I
give one of his brigades a leave of ab
sence, and that settled the question so
far as Matamoras was concerned.-^
tuny.
Ouce Was Enough.
A young gentleman who lately left his
home in England, having exhausted his
credit, telegraphed to his parents:
“Your son was killed this morning by
a falling chimney. What shall we do
with the remains?”
In reply a check was sent for $100,
with the request, “bury them.” The
young gentleman pocketed the money and
had an elaborate spree. When in a con¬
dition for writing ho sent his father the
following note:
“I have just learned that an infamous
scoundrel named Barker sent you a fictiti¬
ous account of my death, and swindled
you out $100. He also borrowed $50 of
me aud left the country. I write to in
form you that, I am still alive, and long
to see the parental roof again. I am in.
somewhat reduced circumstances, the ac¬
cumulation of the last five years having
been lost—a disastrous stock operation—
and if you would only spare me $100 1
would be ever, thankful for your favor.
Give my love to all.”
A few days later the young mau re¬
ceived the following dignified letter from
his outraged parent: buried
“My Deir Son: I have you
once and that is the end o fit. I decline
to have any transactions with a ghost.
Yours in the flesh, Father .”—Calgary
{Canada) Herald.
How to Go to Sleep.
“If you want to go to sleep quickly,”
said a physician the other day, “drink a
nail pint of noi, water o* hot milk. I
don’t say it will act in every case, but I
will venture my opiuioa that it will act
in eight eases out of ten. Beef tea is also
good. Of course, overdo you will always When
people ready to this. I
said to a lady patient some time ago that
' feeding the Stomach on retiring produced
sleep. I was called in the following day.
She had eaten what Tribune. you call a square
Chieayo
BUDGET OP FUK
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Pretty Maiden Passing By—Play Ball
—A Lingual Dull Thnd—Of Course
—Unwelcome Information—
Civilization, Etc., Etc.
Modest Pretty maiden passing by.
look and downcast eye;
Don’t yen bear me gently sigh*
Pretty maiden passing by?
Pretty maiden passing by,
Looks so timid and so shy;
Will you love me tiil I die.
Pretty maiden passing by?
But, alas! she’ll not reply.
And not even tell me why;
So another maid I’ll try.
Who may come a-passin» by.
—Harxard Lampoon,
FLAT ball!
“Why don’t yer put yer eye to dat
hole, Tommy, ’stead o’ yer ear?”
“■Why, dere not playin’ball, Jimmy;
dere on’y talkin ’.”—Chicago Light.
A LINGUAL DULL THUD.
Mr. Newdollar—“Horrore! what is
that noise in the hall?”
Mrs. Newdollar—“Nothing, my dear;
only the new English builder dropping his
h’s.”— Life.
EQUALLY COMPLIMENTARY.
Johnson—“Did Brown say that I had
told him a lie?”
Bronson—“Oh, no, indeed! He said
that he believed you had accidentally
told him the truth.”— Munsey’s Weekly.
OF COURSE.
“Say, my lad, Fm told that they raise
all their own vegetables on that light¬
house. ’ Is it true!”
“Gospil troof, boss.”
“Bless me! How?”
“In baskets, sah.”— Bazar.
BY THE YELLOW TIBER.
First Student-’*Augustus Caesar, I
discover in my readings, had among his
personal atttendants a keeper of over¬
coats.”
Second Student (sadly, as he remem
bers that his own is in pawn)-“Thev
nad pawn brokers in those days, then.”
Texas Siftings.
ONE WAY TO AVOID COififEXT.
Curnso—“I suppose Brown and his
wife attracted the attention that newly
married couples usually do.
Banks Oh, no, Brown married a j
widow, you know, and to avoid being ;
suspected of being her on a honeymoon trip |
she took one of children along.”—
^nsey, Weekly.
unwelcome information.
Tramp I.—“Did he give yon any
thing?” '
Tramp n.—“Y'ep.”
Tramp I.—“Shell out, then. You
promised to divvy.”
Tramp II.—“You can have it all. He
gave me the address of the town soup
kitchen.”— Bazar.
-
another gas victim.
Tomdick—“That was a very sad acci
dent to Frakshus.”
McClammy—“I hadn’t heard of it.”
Tomdick—“He was overcome by gas
last night.”
McClammy—“You don’t tell me!”
Tomdick—“Yes; Cubbage talked him
to sleep at the club .”—Chicago Inter
Ocean.
-
civilization.
First Citizen—“The first time that
meet that fellow I’m going to give him
the worst thrashing he ever had in his
jif e •>
Second Citizen-“But suppose he
should prove able to thrash vou, then
*
what?”
First Citizen—“Huh 1 If he hurts me
m have him arrested.”— Good Neics.
_
THE comparison of notes
^ Xablette _„ The wretch , snd so
he has been proposing ° to both of us?”
Miss Brenton—“It seems so.”
Miss Tablette—“I wish we could think
of some hor.ible way to punish him.”
Miss Brenton—“I have it.”
Miss Tablette—‘ ‘What is it?”
Miss Brenton—“You marry him,dear.”
— Judge.
genuine hard work.
In T a Polree-court— , Magistrate (radulg
. . natural of honest mdigcia
mg m a spasm
tion)—“Wretched man! instead of hon¬
estly earning your bread by the sweat of
your brow”,
Prisoner (Interrupting)—“And does
your honor think it doesn’t make the
be ? ds come ° n a feber a fotdwad when
^5* a ‘8 arrotm , a hmdmdual, . s.r?”
MONEY-MAKISG made easy.
Snodgrass—“I made fire dollars very
easy this morning.”
Simeral—“How?”
“I saw Jaysmith coming, and I said,
•Hello, old boy, you’re the mau I want
to see. Lend me fi«i dollars for a
week. 111
“You didn’t get it, did you?”
“No; but I prevented him from asking
me for a loan.”
ONLY A TWO DAYS’ WALK.
Real Estate Agent (to capitalists)—
“Gentlemen, my new Long View ad¬
dition to the city is-”
Capitalist—“But I have heard that it
is located a long distance away, clear out
°/ „ sight, . , in . , fact. . „
. AM® nt (cheerfully) ^ “Oh, that gs a
™f? e ® tartef ! b ? »h envious rival!
Wb ?> ^ ordinary eyesight
and Pto™H°ns enough to last two days
P™ easily see ri from my office !”
BUT THERE 19 BALM IS GILEAD.
Miss Alice—“I learn, Mr. Bowles,
that yo« intend to make (1)9 grand
tour?”
Snbscription; $1.25 In Adiance.
Miss Bowles—“Yes, Miss Alice.”
Alice—“And you promise to
write me from every country you visit!”
Bowles—“Promise! Ah, you may not
know how I will value the privilege!
When I am far from friends will it not
be a veritable heaven to think of you and
address you. But will you really caie
to receive so many letters?”
Miss Alice—“The more the better. I
am countries.’ collecting the postage stamps of all
—American Stationer.
the bliss op idioct.
De Caverly “You say Miss Gofast has
accepted Cadleigh—“Not you?”
done so.” exactly, but just the
same as
De Caverly—“What do you mean?”
Cadleigh—“I sent her a handsome
diamond and asked her if my hand would
be accepted; she modestly answered,
Not for the present.’ aud that means,
you know, she’ll take me for mvself
alone. She kept the ring, too.”— Jfer
enry.
• HE FORBADE THE BANS,
j It h told of a certain Congressman,
j who is noted for his wit and repartee,
that when a lad at a boarding-school he
passed tnrough the dining-room one day
and discovered a luscious bunch sf
grapes on the table. Thinking himself
.
' unobserved, he held ud the fruit and
said aloud :
‘T proclaim the bans between this
; bunch of grapes and my month. Any
one knowing any reason why this union
should not take place must speak at once.
or f° rever after hold his peace.”
No objection being offered, the
“union took place and the boy went on
his way. When he returned to the
schoolroom the master called him to his
de3k. Raising a rod aloft the teacher
solemnly said;
‘ ’I proclaim the Iran; between this rod
and Thomas J.’s back. Any one know¬
ing why this union should not take place
must speak at once, or forever after hold
his peace.”
“I forbid the bans,” said Thomas,
quicklv.
“For what reason?” demanded be
irate schoolmaster,
“Parties fail to agree,” was the quick
retort.
“I withdraw the bans, and vou may
take TOUr seat » Mid the teaeke'r. And
Tom dld so amid the subdued applause
and admiration of all his friends.—
Washington Post.
she misunderstood him.
“What time is it now?” asked Mrs.
Fangle, as she puffed and panted into
the waiting room, followed by Mr. Fan
g i e and a miscellaneous assortment of
5ma i| Fannie**
“Fifteen minutes to wait ” replied ”
Pan?Se M soou a3 he CQuld disen age
himself from the boxes,bundles and ba^s
wit h which he was loaded, and look at
his watch.
“Fifteen minutes to ei°-ht'” gasped
Mrs. Fangle. “And the train went at
half-past seven. Then we’ve missed it
Mr. Fangle and it’s all your fault,” she
went on, without stopping to punctuate
her speech by so much as a comma. “I
knew you would be late with your exas
peratiDg slowness. You just wasted all
that time shaving when you might just
well have shaved when =
as you got to
Aunt Mary's. What in the' world will
she think of us, I’d like to know, after
driving five miles to meet us at the sta
tion, only to find we haven't come. I’m
sure your cousin Joe never treats her in
vitations like that, and dear knows our
children need Aunt Marv’s money as
badly as ever Joe Hawkins’s do. I de
elare it’s ean’t°go enough to aggravate a saint.
Now we have till^to-morrow, and
we d to telegraph right away that
missed the train. It’s very stupid
°f y° u * aild it’s all your fault. 1 never
saw such a man in all my life.”
Then Mrs. Fangle sat down, exhaust
ed > aild tears stood in her eyes,
“I don't know why vou are going on
likc that, I’m sure,” said Fangle, now
that he had an opportunity to speak.
“What in the world do you mean? Wa
har’nt missed the train, and we have
plenty of time even now ”
Mrs. Fangle 1 , lt eav ® at half-past seven?
asked.
“Y T es.”
“And didn’t you tell me it was a quar¬
ter to eight?”
“No; I said we had fifteen minutes to
wait.”
“Well, I think you are real mean, Mr.
Fangle, and 1 believe you said it that
way just to aggravate me. So there!
Now go and get the tickets,or we’U miss
the tra in after all.”— Brake's Magazine.
The First American Carpet.
The recent celebration of the 250th an
uiversaix of its inc orporation by the town
of Braintree, Mass., Ms 'brought out *
claim for that town, or rather, that por¬
tion of it which was set off in 1792, and
which is now known as Quincy, as being
the first place at which a carpet was
woven in this country.
The facts in relation to the matter, as
told by the granddaughter of Susanna
Bass, afterward Mrs. Burrill, are that
dlis lady ’ wh o was born in the new town
m „ 1793 wove bef °re her marriage, the
>
date of which is unfortunately not given,
a cis-pet on the looms of Jonathan Marsh,
who had a mill near her home.
The carpet, we are told, was woven in
strips aud then put together. People
came from far and near o see it, and^M
■Josiah Quincy, who was the
hibition Boston, induced at the first her counj^HH io place^fl
iu pjjjjg Dedham. t;f $ I Shedic^rffl
a
stact wear umH
it was taken <!H
This correspSflfl marriaaB
after her
her slip first aud child an^B whlMj
cap, IIH
piece of fine-Vork
by a great ujany parH
their infants, among
Dr. and Mrs. Storrs, of
present Dr. Storrs, pf BiW
was tirator. christened 14 this robe^H