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Forest and Stream.
BY ISAAC M’LELLAN.
On the fair face of Nature let us muse.
And dream by lapsing stream and drooping wood;
Tread the dark forests whose primeval ranks
Since the creation dawn have cast their shade;
Ponder by flowing stream and ocean tides,
And note the varied forms of life they hold,
Mark the wild game so dear to hunter’s heart,
The swarming fowl that skim the salty deeps,
The birds that haunt the woodlands and the plains
The fish that swim the seas, the lakes, the streams
And tempt the thoughtful angler to their marge;
Glance at the life that fills our native woods,
And game of Asian plains, and Afric wilds.
When soft May breezes fan the early woods,
And with her magic wand the blue-ey’d Spring
Quickens the swelling blossoms and the bud-",
Then forth the russet partridge leads her brood,
While on the fallen tree-trunk drums her mate;
The quail her young in tangled thicket hides,
The dun deer with their fawns the forests range,
The wild geese platoons hasten far in air,
The wild ducks from the Southern lagoons pass,
And soaring high their Northward journeys take,
The dusky coot along the coast-line sweeps,
The piping snipe and plover that frequent
The sandy bars and beaches, wing their flight,
And all the grassy prairies of the West
Teem with the speckled younglings of the grouse,
And all the budding forests and the streams
Are gay with beauty, joyous with young life.
Then swell the first bird melodies ; the wren
Chirrups and perches on the garden rail,
The blue-bird twitters on the lilac hedge,
Or flits on azure wings from tree to tree ;
The golden robin on the apple-bough
Hovers, where last year’s withered nest had been,
The darting swallows circle o’er the roof,
The woodpeckers on trunk of gnarled trees
Tap their quick drum-beats with their horny beaks
The crow caws hoarsely from the blasted pine,
High in mid air the sailing hawk is pois’d,
While from the grove the purple pigeon-flocks
Burst with loud flapping in the grain-sown fields.
Fair is the scene in autumn, when the frosts
From palettes rich, with prodigal gorgeous brush
Color the nodding groves with brown and ged 1.
Then silvery-skied. and purple-haz’d the dome
Os heaven’s deep vault, and fair the earth below.
Far up, where sunny uplands scope their sides,
Shaggy with woods, prone to the brimming stream
Where bowering beech trees shake laden boughs,
And oaks their varnished acorns high uplift,
Where the broad butter-nut its gummy fruit
In russet husks slow ripens day by day,
And where in crowded ranks the chestnut groves
Wave out their broad-leaved pennons to the air.
And from their prickly burs shake treasures down,
There the quickchatterings of the squirrels sound
The gentle valley with its belt of bills
Crown’d to their tops with grand, primeval woods,
Glows with all forms and hues that nature loves,
Deep in its hollow stretch meadows brightly green
Kept verdurous by the full o’erflowing stream ;
Yet the deep swamps and thickets that engird
The river-reaches, arc resplendent all,
Their umbrage tinctured with imperial dyes,
The maples tall with blood-red foliage burn,
The hickories clap their palms of burnished gold,
The poplar thrusts its yellow spire in air,
The russet oaks and purple dogwoods blend
Their colors with the alder’s sable green,
And scarlet suinacks ; all contrasted rich
With sombre evergreens, and willows pale.
And when the winds autumnal, wailing strip
The frosted foliage, like a host they stand,
With trailing banners and with drooping plumes.
Such be the scenes in wondrous forest-land
Such be the scenes by sea and lake and stream
That wo would picture; wild romantic scenes,
Dear to the hunter’s and to the angler’s soul.
II OVIK INFLUENCE.
How few homes are governed by proper in
fluences; in how many do misrule and dissen
sion exist, feeding and developing by their un
happy emanations the worst passions and mis
eries of those who live among them ! The error
and short-sightedness of so many fathers ami
mothers who have children growing up around
them is a sad fact to chronicle, but is neverth
less true; ami while nearly every parent theore
tically subscribes to the doctrine that “there’s
no place like home,” too many of them stulti
fy themselves by making home far from being
the pleasantest place on earth, especially for
children. The responsibility of fathers and
mothers in this regard is very groat, and it
shouldbe their endeavor to make home a
synonym for “happiness.”
One of the greatest charins that a home can
extend to children, particularly boys, is the
charm of individual freedom. The coldness
and inelasticity which characterize so many of
our homes is a prolific and leading cause that
sends a large number of boys and girls to early
ruin and destruction.
Let the place where children mold their na
tures and develop their characters, which will,
to a great extent, determine their future useful
ness, or worthlessness, be indeed the dearest
place in the world Let the children romp and
play in the house. If John conies rushing in
full of joy to tell you how he won the first
prize at school, ami in his haste lias forgotten
to wipe his muddy feet, don't lift the hair oil
his head, as he would express it, or dash all
the gladness out of his soul, with a sharp or un
kind rebuke. If Willie loves to sit by the
hearthstone and whittle out crude statues or
construct rude wagons or steamless locomotives
let him do it. Even direct his unskillful ef
forts, ami you will not only do good by keep
ing him from idleness and mischief, but be
more than repaid when you hear him tell his
less-favored comrades what a “bully father and
mother he has got,” which slangly and boyish
style of expression will in later years be ex
changed for words of graceful praise uttered in
tenderness and love. If Hattie will forget and
drop the ehippings on the floor from the paper
dolls she is making, or tip the paste over on the
best table-spread. kindly help repair damages.
In fact, make home the palace of freedom for
them. They will be good and neat and quiet,
if you allow the natural impulses of their na
ture to flow out unrestrained. All that is needed
is to direct them in the proper channel. A
little mud on the carpets, a heedless hullaba
loo when you have a distractin' headache, is
better than learning to smoke, chew, swear, and
drink with boys less fortunate in their home
influences than they are. or w ith disreputable
gamings in the streets And as they approach
toward manhood and womanhood give them
further liberty and confidence. Do not bring
vices into young homes, but gons far as morali
ty will admit in furnishing tho-e amusements
so enticing to growing children, and which so
often lead them from the paths of rectitude
Land virtue ; make home “a thing of K autx ami
THE GEORGIA GRANGE.
a joy forever.” And the richest, legacy you can
leave is the dear and ever fragrant recollection
of that enchanted spot which gave them the
strength and will to make ther own way in the
work), blessed with a tenderness of heart and
purity of conduct which a pleasant home has
secured. Then, when you are gone, grateful
hearts will ever bless your memories and your
children cherish and exercise in their own
families the home influences that to a great ex
tent made them good men and women. — JKas/i
--ington (D. CL) Chronicle.
Death and Immortality.
“The fiat of nature- is inexorable. There is no
appeal for relief from the great law which dooms
us to dust. We flourish and fade as the leaves
of the forest, and flowers that bloom and wither
in a day, have no frailer hold upon life than the
mightiest monarch that ever shook the earth with
his footsteps. Generations of men will appear and
disappear as the grass, and the multitude that
throng the world to-day, will disappear as the
footsteps on the shore. Men seldom think of
the great event of death until the shadow falls
across their own pathway, hiding from their eyes
the faces of loved ones whose living smile was
the sunlight of their existence. Death is the an
tagonist of life, and the cold thought of the tomb
is this skeleton of all feasts. We do not want to
go through the dark valley, although its dark
passage may lead to paradise; we do not want to
lie down in the damp grave, even with princes
for bed-fellows. In the beautiful drama of lon,
the hope of Immortality, so eloquently uttered
by the death-devoted Greek, finds deep response
in every thoughtful soul. When about to yield
his young existence as a sacrifice to fate, his Cle
mantha asks if they should meet again, to
which he replies: ‘I have asked that dreadful
question of the hills that look eternal—of the
clear streams that flow forever—of the stars
among whose fields of azure my raised spirit has
walked in glory. All were dumb ; but as I gaze
upon thy living face, I feel that there is some
thing in the love that mantles through its beau
ty that cannot wholly perish. We shall meet
again, Clemantha.’ ” —Ger. D. Prentice.
I.ilc’s Twilight.
The evening of every man’s life is coming on
apace. The day of life will soon be spent. The
sun, though it may be up in mid-heaven will pass
swiftly down the western sky andjdisappear. What
shall light, up man’s pathway when the sun of iife
has gone down? He must travel on to the next
world ; but what shall illumine his footsteps af
ter the nightfall of death, amid the darkness of
his journey? What question more solemn, for
each reader of our journal to ask himself ? That
is a long journey to travel without a guide and
without a friend. Yet, every one must perform
it. The time is not far distant when all will be
gin the journey. There is an evening star in the
natural world. Its radiance is bright and cheer
ing to the benighted traveler. But life’s evening
star is in good hope of heaven. Its beauty and
brilliancy is reflected from the sun of righteous
ness, whoso bright rays light up the evening of
life and throw their radiance quite across the
darkness of the grave into Immanuel’s happy
land. It has illuminated the weary footsteps of
many a traveler into eternity. It is of priceless
value. A thousand words cannot purchase it,
and yet it. is offered without price to him who will
penitently and thankfully receive it.
Silent Influence.—We are touching our fel
low beings on all sides. They are affected by
good or evil by what we are, by what we say and
do, even by what we think and feel. May flowers
in the parlor breathe their fragrance through the
atmosphere. We arc each of us as silently satur
ating the atmosphere about us with the subtle
aroma of our character. In the family circle,
besides and beyond all the teachings, the daily
life of each parent and each child mysteriously
modifies the life of every person in the household.
The same process on a wider scale is going on
through the community. No man liveth to him
self and no man dieth to himself. Others are
built up and straightened by our unconscious
deeds ; ami others may be wrenched out of (heir
places and thrown down by our unconscious in
fluence.
colorbs of colisbont.
It is the weakness of some good men to
speak of man as miserable rather than guilty.
Indeed it becomes one who has obtained
mercy to pity rather than condemn. Yet
compassion should be mixed with a holy in
dignation; for we may Indulge a tenderness
lo offenders til! we lose sight of the abomina
tion of sin.
We conuneiid to the consideration of min
isters who aie given to preaching long ser
mons, the anecdote of the little boy who
kept awake in church as long as he could,
but finally went to sleep, had his nap, waked
up to find the minister still preaching, and
innocently whispered: “ Mother is it this
Sunday night or is it next Sunday night?”
Dk. Todd’s last message to his church,
sent on a Sabbath evening, contained this
passage: "Tell them that 1 have unwavering
faith in Christ and His salvation, and that I
am waiting and hoping for light from the
eternal world. I want to see that light, and
think I shall. ‘Though 1 walk through the
valley of the shadow of death, 1 will fear
no evil,’ And so I stand at the gate like a
little child, waiting for it to open to give me
a glimpse of the glory.”
-*■—•—-•
TAI MADE says: You see a man from the
most infamous surroundings step into the
kingdom of God, He has heard no sermon.
He has received no startling providential
warning. What brought him to this new
mind? This is the secret; God. looked over
the bottle in which he gaihcrs the tears of
his people, and saw a paren al tear in that
bottle which had been for forty years unan
swered. He said, “Go to now; and kt me
answer that tear! ’ and forthwith the wan
derer is brought home to God.
1 he natural and healthy condition of man
is one in wlnch he woi ks forw hat he receives.
I'hose who contribute nothing to the genera!
stock ought to take nothing from it. The ac
cumulation of capital in private handsis cre
ating. in continually enlarging numbers, a
class ot prisons who have abundant means to
spend on themselves, while they have nothing
to do in return. A man makes a fortune, as it
is called; be leaves it to his children, who
find themselves to have inherited the services
of an army of genii, potent as those of Alad
din’s lamp, lo minister to their pleasures.
Fools spend their share on indulgence. In
dulgence is usually synonymous with vice;
and as long as their purses hold out they do
mischief to every one who comes near them.
This kind of thing, happily, does Lot often
last long. The money is soon gone, and
there is an end of it. But the majority have
sense enough to avoid ruining themselves by
extravagance. They live on their incomes,
ladies especially, and, having Jtheir time to
themselves, and being spared the necessity
of exertion, are considered as exceptionally
happy—yet happy they cannot be. Satisfac
tion of mind is allotted by Providence only
to industry; and not being obliged to be in
dustrious they lose the capacity for it. En
joyments pall on them. Having allowed the
period of life to pass unused when occupa
tions can be successfully learned, they are
unable to take their places afterward on the
beaten road of life. They stray into fancy
employments; they become dabblers in pol
tics, dabblers in art, dabblers in literature
and science. Nothing succeeds with them
sufficiently to put them on good terms with
themselves, and then, men and women alike,
and particularly the better sort of them, be
ing without wholesome occupations, and
craving for something which will satisfy the
demands which their minds are making on
them, they fly to the opiates and anodynes
of the quack doctors of the spiritual world.—
James Anthony Fronde.
Noct ii s-iie.
Pale Twilight in her gown of gray
Comes swiftly down the western way,
With Moonshine hastening after ;
And here among the woodland damps
She lights her pretty fire-fly lamps,
And stills the wild wind’s laughter.
The lilies and the mignonette
Within the garden border set
Lift all their leaves to greet her.
With dewy kiss she doth reqnite
Their tenderness, and with delight
They straightway grow the sweeter.
The swallows from the ivied eaves
Fly in and out among the leaves
In household ministrations;
Their downy badies in the nest,
Chirp softly as they go to rest,
And dream of future rations.
The brook in trilling monotone
Hath sleepy welcomes of its own ;
The delicate cedar quiver.
But all the meadow sounds are still,
The flecks are folded on the hlil,
Beyond the placid river.
Sweet Twilight, as thou com’st to thee
With healing dew and soothing breeze,
So come thou unto me.
Bring gentle dreams and quiet rest;
Weave, weave thy spell, O shadowy guest,
In still benignity!
*—•
Female Society.—What is it that makes
all men who associate habitually with women
superior to those who do not ? What makes
the women who are accustomed to act at
ease in the society of men superior to their sex
in general? Solely because they are in the
habit of free, graceful continued conversation
with the other sex. Women in this way lose
their frivolity, their faculties awaken, their del
icacies and peculiarities unfold in all their
beauty and captivation in the spirit of rivalry ;
and the men lose their pedantic, rude, declama
tory and sullen manner. The coin of tile under
standing and the heart changes continually
Their asperities are rubbed off, their natures
polished and brightened, and their richness,
like gold, is wrought into finer workmanship
by the fingers of women than it could ever be
done by those of men.
The highest mountain on the North Ameri
can continent is Mount St. Elias, in Alaska,
whose elevation is 17,900 feet. Next to it comes
the volcano of Popocatcpel, in Mexico, 17,884
feet, and Orizaba, also in Mexico, 17,373 feS-
If the newly discovered peak of the Holy
Cross, in the Yellow Stone region, found by the
Hayden exploring party, be really 17,000 feet
high, as they estimate, it will be the fourth
|>eak in elevation on the continent of North
America, and the highest mountain in the
United States, excluding Alaska. Heretofore
the highest peak in this country was suppos.d
to Ih’ Big Horn Mountain, which is elevated
15,090 feet.
In a town in Bavaria there was a little tum
ble-down church building, where the duke, as
often as he came that way, used to go in and
pray. If, on coming out of the chapel, he
happened to meet any of the peasants in the
field, he loved to converse with them in a
friendly way.
One day he met an old man, with whom he
fell into conversation on various things; and,
taking a liking to the man, he asked him, in
parting, whether he could do anything for
him.
The peasant replied, “ Noble sir. you cannot
do anything better for me than volt have done
already.”
“How *x>?” answered he. “I do not know
that I have done anything for you.”
“ But I know it,” said the old man; “for how
can I ever forget that you have saved my son?
He traveled so long in the ways of sin, that for
a long time he would have nothing to do with
the church or prayer; and he sank every day
deeper in wickedness. Some time ago he was
here, and -aw you, noble sir, enter the chapel.
•I should like to <ee what lie does there.’ said
the young man, scornfully, to himself, and he
glided in after you. But when he saw you pray
so devoutly, he was deeply impressed that
he als ■ began t pray; and from that moment
he became a new m tn. I thank you for it.
And that is why 1 said you can never do me a
greater favor than you have done me already. ’•
From the German.
♦ -•
Music by Handle—A street organ.
Autumn.
Over the beautiful valleys low,
And over the hill-tops, fair and green,
A fruitful matron, I come and go,
More gracious still than summer’s queen;
For I scatter my bounties far and near
In the emerald lap of the waiting year.
The fragrant breath of the orchard blooms.
The zephyrs carried away in glee ;
In the yielding grass, the ripened fruit
Now lies in its beauty ’neath the tree;
And from rosy cheek to the seed’s white cup
Is a hint of the sunshine treasured up.
With my dainty touch and fairy brush
I drape the forests -with my magic skill;
I kiss the leaves, and an answering blush
Through all their quivering pulses thrill.
As the wasted love of a maiden shy,
They flutter at last to my feet and die.
All the day long, in the corner there,
The feathery, golden rods nod and smile ;
The broken thistle-cup yields its down,
Caught up by each passing breeze the while,
And carried along in its airy flight,
Towards the purp’ling west and the autumn night.
Through the fleeting hours the morns are filled
With the catbirds calling, one by one ;
In the balmy air and mellow light,
The corn is goldening in the sun.
And I hide my flight with a veil of haze
And the low, sweet sounds of the ember days.
There is no gentleness in the world like that
which is manifested by power. To see astrong,
giant-built man meet in the way a little child,
and raise it up, and say to it, “bless, you, my
darling;” to see his great, coarse hands, and
his arms that are like bears paws, go down,
and accompanying the act with some sweet
words, lift the child to his bosom —that is a
most beautiful sight. There never was a
breastpin in a man’s bosom to be compared
with a sweet little child. To see a slender,
pale-faced woman and mother take up a child
is beautiful; wc expect that; but to see a great
brawny man take up a child, with tenderness
and gentleness, is beautiful indeed. Every
body marvels at that. “A little child shall
lead them.”
Nothing is so sweet as the softness and gen
tleness of power. A man that has a gigantic
intellect; a man that can control battalions
and armies in the field ; a man that has courage,
and will, and determination ; a man that has a
lordly pride, and knows his strength, and
moves among men with power —such a man,
who is subdued by the influence of the dear
spirit of God, and who has such sweet and gen
tleness that he treats all men with lenity, and
kindness, and forbearance, and patience, has
what is here meant by gentleness.—lT. W.
Beecher.
The appetite for strong drink in men has
spoiled the life of more women —ruined more
hopes for them, scattered more fortunes for
them, brought to them more sorrow, shame and
hardship—than any other evil that lives. The
country numbers ten, nay, hundreds of thou
sands of women who are widows to-day, and sit
in hopeless weeds, because their husbands have
been slain by strong drink. There are hun
dreds of thousands of homes scattered over the
land in which women live lives of torture, go
rung tflSwigh the changes of suffering that lie
between the extremes of fear and despair, be
cause those whom they love, love wine better
than they do the women they have sworn to
love.
There are women by thousands who dread to
hear at the door the step that once filled them
with pleasure, because that step has learned to
reel under the influence of the seductive poison.
There are women groaning with pain while we
write these words, from bruises and brutalities
inflicted by husbands made by drink.
There can be no exaggeration in any state
ment in regard to the matter ; because no hu
man imagination can create anything worse
than the truth, and no pen is capable of por
traying the truth.
The sorrows and horrors of a wife with a
drunken husband are as near the realization of
hell as can be reached in this world at least.
The shame, the indignation, the sorrow, and
the sense of disgrace for herself and children,
the poverty, and not unfrequently the beggary,
the fear and the fact of violence ; the lingering,
lifelong struggle and despair of countless wo
men with drunken husbands, are enough to
make all women curse wine, and engage uni
tedly to oppose it everywhere as the worst ene
my of their sex. — Dr. Holland.
• ► «
The natives of certain secluded Aleutian
isles retain a tradition concerning the origin of
the latter which if already published, is worthy
of repetition together with the embellishment
naturally accruring after the laps of a year or
two. It is asserted that, in the primeval days,
when the waters of the north Pacific surround
ed not a single isle among the vast ranges of
the interior continent, a mighty giant lived.
Dwelling in harmony with a giant bride, each
morning he ascended the mountains from which
the summits were plucked for their daily food.
Lakelets formed their evening drink. At peace
with all the outside world, they reigned whilst
ages went their course. But finally a change
occurred and discord entered the mountain
home. Whilst absent on a distant summit, the
giant felt the mountain quake beneath his feet
ami, casting upon his wife the fault of all the
earthquake uproar, hastened down with a frown
of vengeance in all his mien. The giantess,
perceiving this, and fearing for herself, ran
leaping into Bearing sea, and toward the dis
tant Asiatic shore. He, collecting mountains,
followed the frightened spouse, hurling them
after her with all his strength. For a time, not
one ot these did harm, and midway in the sea
the stoek-on-hand grew small; so throwing
out. now and then, he hastened on. Approach
ing the Kamschatka shore and summoning all
his remaining strength, he sent the last one
whirling through the air and beneath it sank
tin luckless wife. Exhausted by exertion, de
spair and rage, the giant, also, no longer held
himself against the waves, but sank into the
sea, aoove which, till this dav, apjtvar the
summit ot all th «■ sunken Alaskan mountains
known as the Aleutian isles. From the gradu
al decreasing numbers of the latter on ap
proach to the Asiatic coast, can we doubt the
truth of a legendary talc that accounts so plausi
bly for the singular “melting away” or comet
like extension of the Aleutian chain?— Ex.
A funny incident is related of M’lle Valen
tine, a Paris actress. Not long ago she received
an application for work from a young seam
stress. Being busy at the time she merely put
her head out of the door, requesting the girl to’
call in the evening. On arriving at the ap
pointed hour, the seamstress was shown into the
presence of an apparently young and most su
perbly dressed woman, who rose to receive her.
“Excuse me,” said the visitor, “I saw your
grandmother this morning, and she promised
me work.” A loud shriek from the actress
proclaimed the mistake made, but said mistake
proved the efficacy of paint and polish, and so
the lady was forced to acknowledge.
The youthful mind is observant and inquir
ing, but it lacks experience. Young Tomp
kins borrowed a gun to go sparrow shooting,
and, not understanding the breech-loading sys
tem, began to ram the cartridge. He has since
frequently observed how lucky it was that in an
idle hour he learned to write with his left
hand.
When a woman puts three mackerel to soak
over night in a dish pan whose sides are eight
inches high, and leaves the pan on a stairway,
she has accomplished her mission and should
go hence. This was what a Division street
woman did Friday night. Filled the pan at
the pump, and then left it standing on the
steps to the stoop, while she went into the next
house to see how many buttons would be re-,
quired to go down the front of the redingote.
And a mighty important affair that was, to be
sure. And there was her husband tearing
through the house in seach of a handkerchief,
and not finding it, of course. And then he
rushed out into the’yard, wondering where on
earth that woman could be, and started down
the steps without seeing the pan, or even
dreaming that any one could be so idiotic as to
leave it there. Os course he stepped on it; or,
at least, that is the supposition, as the neighbors
who were brought out by the crash that follow
ed saw a horrified man, and a high dish pan,
and three very demoralized mackerel shooting
across the garden, and smashing down the
shrubbery. And he was a nice sight, was that
unhappy man, when they got him on his feet.
There wasn’t a dry thread on him, and his hair
was full of bits of mackerel, and one of his
shoulders was out of joint, and his coat was
split the whole length of the back, and he ap
peared to be out of his head. He was carried
in the house by some of the men, and laid on a
bed, while others went after a doctor, and six
teen women assembled in the inscrutable ways
of Providence, and what a warning this was to
people who never looked where they were
going.
That boy of Coville’s has been in trouble
again. He was playing in Mrs. Coney’s yard,
next door, right after dinner, Thursday. He
had Mrs. Coney’s dog harnessed to a wash
boiler and was driving up and down cobble
walk, when that lady came out with a finger in
each ear, and told him he must clear out, as
she expected company at two o’clock, and his
noise was altogether too much for the occasion.
His obedience was more prompt than she had
any reason to expect or even desire. In fact,
he left at once, first giving the boiler a kick
that nearly decapitated the dog at both ends.
Mrs. Coney was obliged to unhitch the dog
herself, which she did after catching him. It
appears that the bell at Mrs. Coney’s doOr is
somewhat stiff in the spring, and rather diffi
cult to sound. The fact was well-known to
young Coville, and while Mrs. Coney was
chasing the dog, the youthful miscreant stole in
the house, and with the help of a file fixed that
door bell so it would pull easy. At 2 o’clock
promptly, the pastor of Mrs. Coney’s church
came up on the stoop of Mrs. Coney’s house, and
being aware that the bell-pull required con
siderable muscle, gave it a sharp twitch, and
immediately left the stoop head first, with the
bell-knob clutched in his hand, and six feet of
wire swinging around him. In the descent he
split his coat the whole length of the back,
broke down the gate, completely ruined his
hat and seriously bruised both elbows. Mrs.
Coney, who was looking through the blinds all
the time, was very much shocked by the acci
dent, but promptly led the gentleman into the
house, and as promptly dressed his wounds.
An examination of the bell revealed that it had
been trifled with, and as Mrs. Coney was quite
confident Coville’s boy had done it, she report
ed to Mrs. Coville that she autually heard him
say the other day that he would “fix that bell.”
The fall term of school commenced yesterday,
but Coville’s boy was not there. — Danbury
New*.
fctrssamer.
Why is a young lady like a hinge ? because
she is something to a-dore.
“So dark and yet so light,” as the man said
when he looked at his last ton of coal.
If a toper and a quart of whiskey were left
together, which would be drunk first?
Mrs. Partington thinks that the grocers ought
to have a music-teacher, to teach them the scales
correctly.
A Beloit editor takes it upon himself to say
that “cows, elephants or rhinoceroses may run
gracefully, but women never.”
Spicer says, although farmers often make,
good cider,whenever they tap a barrel they arc
sure to “spile” it.
Bald-headed men take a joke more easily,
becau-e they are not at the trouble of getting it
through the hair."
“If George had not biowed into the muzzle of
his gun,” sighed a rural widow at the funeral
of her late husband last Saturday,“he might have
got plenty of squirrels, it was such a good day
for them.”
A man’s dearest object should be his wife ;
but sometimes it is his wife’s wardrobe.
John Smith says nobody ever paid him any
attention until he broke out of jail, and then he
was much sought after.
Very few horses eat corned beef, but we saw
one standing the other day before a store with
a bit in his mouth.
A New York chemist says he can reduce
boot legs to beefsteak. Some Western landlords
have had ten years the start of him.
Siam is an ungallant country. There the
first wife may by divorced, and after that every
wife may be sold for cash or for a yellow dog.
A facetious young lady wickedly remarks
that the reason that the peculiar equipag s
seen at watering-places are called dog-carts is
that pnppies always ride.
If success in an undertaking was proportion
ed to the earnestness brought to bear upon it, a
hen could run about eigteen hundred miles a
day.
An Irish paper concludes a biography of
Robespierre with the followingsentence : “This
extraordinary man left no children except his
brother, who was killed a' the same time.”
Mrs. Minnie Myrtle Miller discoursed in
Placerville, Cal., last week, on “Silent Wo
men.” We can’t imagine where she gathered
material for the lecture, unless it was in the
cemetery.
A Green Bay man called a young lady his
“precious, darling little honey-dew of a bloom
ing rosebud,” and then stood a breach-of
promise suit before he would marry her.
A Washington inventor is at work on a mo
del for a dog that can run along the top of a
fence. He expects to wreak destruction on the
cats, and become wealthier than the Roths
childs.
The woman who said the latest thing out
was her husband, and was answered by her
neighbor, who remarked that her husband al
ways came home early—before any one was
up.
A young man at Niagara, having been cross
ed in love,walked out to the precipice, took off
his clothes, gave one lingering look at the gulf
beneath him, and then went home. His body
was found next morning in bed.
An Arkansas farmer was absent-minded
enough to leave his pet panther and mother-in
law at home together while he went to a show,
but much to his anger and amazement, the old
lady was alive and the panther dead on his re
turn.
A Louisville man has a sun-flower fourteen
feet high, three boils on his leg, and a cold in
his head, but yet he says that there’s nothing
in this world worth living for.
Peoria has very human dogs or the newspa
pers are not to be believed. One has died of
delirium tremens, two of small-pox, one’ot
cprebro-spinal, etc., and one has committed sui
cide.
A boy at the Soldiers’ Orphans’ Home, at
Normal, 111., saw some men carrying a section
of sidewalk. He slipped underneath and
walked along until the men suddenly dropped
it, when he was “smashed.”
“Jury,” said a Western judge, “you kin go
out and find a verdict. If you can’t find one
of your own, get the one the last jury used.”
The jury returned with a verdict qf suicide in
the ninth degree.
An Illinois editor who was enjoying himself
at San Francisco when Horace F. Clark stop
ped issuing passes over the U. P. R. R , writes
so his wife he is walking home for his liver’s
take, and will arrive in the fall or early
spring.
We knew the fool would turn up somewhere
who would put his postal card in a stamped
envelope and mail it that way. Covington,
Kentucky, is responsible for him, and he thinks ,
the cards are a great convenience.
A pleasant little reunion was quite upset re- !
cently by one of the children asking, in a pain- ;
fully audible tone, “Mamma, why did you tell
me not to say anything about Mr. Jenkin’s
nose? He hasn’t got any.”
There was a certain darkey who owned a pig
and one day he gave him a bucket of mush, j
Said the darkey: “He eats the whole bucketful
of mush, and den I put de darn little cuss in
de bucket and he didn’t fill it up half full. The
question for philosophers to settle is, what be
came of the mush ?
“Fred,” said a young man, walking up Cort
landt street the other day, after listening to his
wonderful story, “do you know why you are
like a harp struck by lightning?” “No,” says
Fred ; “I give it up.” “Because a harp struck
by lightning is a blasted lyre.”
Beware of a dog that exhibits any symptoms
of hydrophobia. If you are in doubt as to the
condition of the animal, the safest plan is to
let him bite your mother-in-law, and then
watch the result.
A Cleveland copper speculator fell asleep in
church, from which he was awakened by the
pastor’s reading, “Surely there is a vein for sil
ver and a place for good, where they find it.”
Jumping to his feet he shook his book at the
minister, crying, “I’ll take five hundred
shares.”
A noted horse-jockey “down East,” was
awakened one night by a violent thunder-storm.
Being somewhat timid, he awoke Lis wife,
“Wife I wife I do you suppose the Day of Judg
ment is coming ?” “Shut up, you fool I” was
the affectionate reply: “how can the Day of
Judgment come in the night?” ■
An illiterate personage, who always volun
teered to go round with the hat, but was bus- ‘
pected of sparing his own pocket, overhearing \
one day, a hint to that effect, made the follow
ing speech : “Other gentlemen put down what
they think proper, and so do I. Charity’s a
private concern, and what I give is nothing to
nobodv.
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