Newspaper Page Text
BY FREEMAN & BRO.
lue CMhamt limes.
I,Baby 1 Sweet.,
Fapa calls her sweetheart,
Mamma calls her love,
She is Grandpa’s darling,
Grandma’s seetest dove;
Jiittle, laughing baby,
Ejerybody’s pet,
‘Xh-ovgh ->lie us ‘' i -*
50,t « six-montfy yet !
Spow’ llakeH*Wihltc’and fleecy
Fall down from the sky,
* haT
So her baby .spirit,,
Pure as falling sno'w,
Come to ifs from Heaven
Little time ago!
What her real name is.
That I cannot tell,
Lest the listening angels
Called her home to dwell.
Trust to God the future,
He will guide her feet;
In the happy present
She is Baby Sweet.
—Rural Few Yorker.
Wives Who lienpcck.
An ill kept and disorderly home must
inevitably breed discontent and bad feel
ing in any houscholl; but that is no
reason why cleanliness should be valued
more than happiness. There are a class
of women, excellent in their way, who
make life burdensome to all around
them by their excessive neatness and
order. “We know of a poor farmer who
hardly dares enter his own kitchen, lest
some undiscovered spot of mud on his
boots should soil his wife’s immaculate
floor; and if such an unfortunate event
ever happens ho is made to feel the
heinousness of his crime for one day at
least. If he should chance to retort
that the spot of hardly worth
the fuss made over it, immediately his
wife becomes more irate than ever, and
by her unending nagging actually drives
him from the house to the society of his
cows and horses, who at least possess
the negative virtue of being dumb.”—
Ah, madam, better let your kitchen
be dirty from morning till night
than to lose Che lote of a kind hus
band. These wives who henpeck aie
unendurable; no love or tenderness can
subdue their bickerings. If every
want be not instantly gratified, they ac
cuse their nusbandsj of not Caring for
them, and either vent their dissatisfac
tion in angry words, or relapse into
sulky silence. Can you wonder that the
husbands of such women seek refuge in
the alehouse and hilliard**hall ? We
close this protest with an anecdote which
lias a grimly ludicrous moral, sinco it
illustrates'the moral value of henpeck
ing in one instance, at least: A man
living in Canada recently confessed that
six years ago he killed a man in Wis
consin. Asa reason for this confessing
he stated that whenever was an
unpleasantness between himself and his
wife she would always aggravate him by
bringing up *ihe murder. Driven to
desperation by this constant “ nagging,”
he determined to seek the tender mer
cies of the law, and a refuge from do
mestic unhappiness in prison.
Leaf Photographs j
Avery pretty amusement, especially
for those who have completed the study
of botany, is the taking of leaf photo
graphs. One very simple process is
this : At any druggist’s get five cents’
worth of bicromate of potash. Put
this into a two-ounce bottle of soda wa
ter. When the solution becomes Satu
rated—that is, the water has dissolved
as much as it will—pour off some of
the clear liquid into a shallow dish ; on
this float a piece of ordinary writing
paper till it is thoroughly and evenly
moistened. Let it become nearly dry
in the dark. On this put the leaf, un
der it a piece of soft black cloth and
several pieces of newspaper. Put this
between two pieces of glass (all the
pieces should be the same size), and
with spring elothesspins fasten them all
together. Expose to a bright sun, plac
ing the leaf so that the rays will fall on
it as nearly perpendicular as possible.—
In a few minutes it will begin to turn
brown, but it requires from half an hour
to several hours to produce a perfect
print. When it has become dark
enough take it from the frame and put
it in clear water, w hich must be changed
every few minutes, till the yellow part
becomes perfectly white. Sometimes
the venation of the leaves will be quite
distinct. By following these directions
it is scarcely possible to tail, and a little
practice will make perfect. The photo
graphs, if well taken,are very pretty a
well as interesting.
People’s Failings. “A painter was
once engaged upon a likeness of Alex
ander the Great. In one of his great
battles, Alexander had received an ugiy
scar on the side of his lace. The artist
was desirous of giving a correct like
ness of the monarch, and, at the same
desirous of hiding the scar. It
vas a difficult task. At length he sit
upon a happy expedient. He painted
him in a reflective attitude, his hand
placed against his head, while his fin
ger covered the scar. The best men
are not without their failings —their
scars—but do not dwell upon them.
In speaking of them to others, adopt
the painter’s expedient, and let the fin
ger of love be placed upon the scar.
“Half of the evil of life,” says a
speaker in anew novel, “ The Sher
lock” “ is caused not by the direct first
doers of evil, but by the well-meaning
people, who go on adding to it—imita 1
ting tVe very criminals who have of
fended them, stimulating the instinct
and impulses that led to the offense, but
doing all under fine, and moral names
—and with a sort of furtive glance
heavenward to see if heaven and all its
angels do not admire them very
much.’ 1
Cl)c Cdtpotitt toochhj Cimcs.
Crumbs From Josli Billings.
The only way to hold our own iz to
keep advancing—no one can set still
and do it.
It duz seem that all mankind luv lies
more than they do truth. How menny
people do you suppose thare iz in the
world who wouldn’t rather listen to
flattery thgy knu wus false than to re
proof they was just?
Wize men* luff.-at most things in this
life —it izorrly the phoyls who gape and
swallo.
HD y s, kant alwuss tell how mueh a man
iz really tickled hi hearing him lass.
Thare ought to be a masheen invented
to mcazzure the joy in him, just "az
thare iz to find out how much water
there iz in milk
Honesty iz the basis ov all that iz
good or even remarkable in enny man.
The reason whi everybodoy luvs a
child, and pets a puppy, is bekause they
are so natral.
Whenever you see a phellow who iz
forever and amen in a red not hurry, yu
kan make up yure mirtd that he haint
got mutch to do, and hut little kapacity
to do it.
Good breeding iz nothing more than
the art ov knowing how to wait pa
shuntly till our turn comes. A hide
child won’t do this, and a little pig
kant.
Gossip iz more ketching than the
meaeles iz.
The quickest way to take the numil
ity out of a man who iz forever blam
ing himself for sumthing iz to agree
with him. This ain’t what he iz look/,
ing for.
Book larnin iz all a man needs in
this life, provided he spends hiz daze in
a closet.
Next to a bad man I am alwuss the
most afrade ova cunning one.
Familiarity kan only be prakticed
with safety amung the well bred—fools
and puppyn will run right over yu with
the least bit ov encouragement.
Thoze who never lass seem to have
died before their time cum.
Every human being haz hiz own pri
vate sorrow, and thoze who whissell arc
wizer than thoze who weep over it.
A conceited man iz a grate fraud, but
he never cheats enny boddy so much az
he duz himself.
He who dont want what he haiutgot
haz got all he wants and iz happy,
whether he knows it or not.
The covetous man is like a sponge,
which takes in all ihe moisture that
cums near it, and lets out none until it
is squeezed.
A cunning man is selchim wise, and
not alwuss honest.
The man who never deceives himself
iz the hardest kind ova man for others
to deceive.
* If mankind had been satisfied with
the bare necessitys ov life, we should
to day be just about az far advanced
in the arts and sciences as Cain and
Abel wuz.
Double sixes are a good throw with
the dice, but thare iz one better
throw than that —throw t'h'em into the
fire.
Prudence is a most necessary virtew ;
it aint safe to be karless, even with an
intimate friend.
No man has ever lived to be so old,
and so wise, that he couldn’t learn sum
thing from experience,
Thare iz a grate menny ginger-pop
people ; after they have been unkorked
for afu minutes, they git to be dred
phull flat.
Obilnary of a Western Editor.
Ye editor sat in his rickety chair, as
worried as worried could be, for yc.
Devil was grinning before him there,
and “copy” ye Devil sayed he.
Oh, ye editor grabbed his big quill
pen, and it spluttered ye ink so free,that
his manuscript looked like a \ ar map
when—“ Take this,” to ye Devil spake
he.
He scribbled and scratched through
ye live-long day, no rest or refreshment
had he; for ye devil kept constantly
coming that way, and howling for more
“cop-ee !”
Day after day he scissored and wrote,
a-slayiug the countree : while ye Devil
kept piping his single note, “ A little
more outside cop-ee !”
And when ye boys in ye newsroom
heard ye noise of ye fray, ye sound of
a blow and a blasphemous word, “ He’s
raising ye Devil !”* said they.
And oft when a man with a griev
ance came in, ye editor man to see, he’d
turn his back with a word of sin—“ Go
talk so ye Devil,” sayed he.
And ever and oft, when a proof of
his work ye proprietor wanted to see,
“Ye proof shall be shown by my per
sonal clerk ; you must go to ye Devil,”
sayed he.
And thus Flq was destined, through
all of bis life, by this spirit tor-
be; in hunger and pover
ty, sorrow and strife, always close to ye
Devil was he.
Ye editor died . . . But ye Devil
lived on! And ye force of life’s habits
we see; for ye editor’s breath no sooner
was gone,than straight to ye Devil went
he.
An Ancient Tree. —The following
are the dimensions of a grand old yew
tree growing on the Marquis of Bath’s
estate in Wiltshire,England : Height 50
feet; circumference of branches,l64 feet,
spread of branches from north to south,
53 feet, and from east to west, 60 feet;
girth of stem one foot from the ground,
32 feet; smallest girth of stem, 25 feet 6
inches; length of stem, 7 feet. Under
ordinary circumstances the age of yew
trees may be approximately guessed at
by allowing a century for every foot in
diameter of stem, thus this remarkable
old tree may safely be calculated at from
1,100 to 1,200 years old. It is a growing,
healthy tree, rather cono-shaped, and is
very dense in foliage.
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17. 1874.
The ChristiangjOentlemaD.
He is above a mean thing. He cannot
stoop to a mean fraud. He invades no
secret in the keeping of another. He
betrays no secret confided to his keep
ing. He never takes selfish advantages
of our mistakes. He uses no ignoble
weapons in controversy. He never stabs
in the dark. He is ashamed of inuen
does. He is hot one thing to a man’s
face, and another behind his back. If
by ac.ident he conics in possession of
his neighbor’s counsels, he passes upon
them an act of instant oblivion. Hoi
bears sealed packages without tamper
ing with the wax. Papers not ineaut
for his eye, whether they flutter at the
windows or lie open before them in un
guarded exposure, are sacred to him.
He invades no privacy of others, howev
ever the sentry sleeps. Bolts and bars,
h cks and keys, hedges and pickets,
bonds and securities, notice to trespass
eis, are none of them for him. He
may be trusted alone, out of sight, near
the thinnest partition —anywhere. He
buys no offices, he sells none, he in
trigues for none He would rather fail
of his rights than to win them through
dishonor. He will, eat-honest bread.—
He tramples on no sensitive feeling.—
He insults no man, If he have rebuke
for another, he is straight forward, open,
manly ; he cannot descend to scurrili
ty. In short, whatever he judges hon
orable, be practices toward every man.
Old Hats’ Paradise.
The grotesque fancy of savages for the
cast off habiliments of civilized races is
a source of amusement to travelers the
world over. It is rare, however, that the
fancy rises to such a passion for a single
article as is exhibited among the Nico
bar islanders. Young and subjects, in
these “Summer Isles of Eden,” alike en
deavor to outvie each other in the accu
mulation of old hats, priding themselves
on the extent and variety of their collec
tions as other people do on their wealth
of gold or jewelry or works of art. Curi.
ously, second hand hats are most in re
quest, new ones being looked upon with
suspicion and disfavor.
The singular passion is taken advan
tage of by the traders of Calcutta, who
make annual excursions to the Nicobars
with cargoes of old hats which they bar
ter for cocoanuts, the principal produc
tion of the islands. A gooa tall white hat
with a black baud fetches from fifty-five
to sixty-five prime cocoanuts, Sometimes
more, as, during the intense excitement
which peivades the islands while the
the trade is going on, fancy prices are
often asked and obtained. When the mar
ket closes, by the exhaustion of the stock
of hats for sale or cocoanuts to buy-them
with, the traders usually land with a cask
or two of rum, and the entire population,
clad in their new possessions, with per
haps a rag about the loins in addition,
celebrate the occasion by getting thor
oughly drunk.
Every man starts out in life with the
belief that some day he will be rich.
Practical men set to work to save and
invest, visionary men set and dream of
finding treasures, lucky lottery tickets,
and wonderful inventions. It comes to
about the same thing in the end, for not
more than one in five hundred is rich.
Every woman believes at eighteen that
she will be married ; but what with her
own objt ctions to the men who cannot
write poetry; and men who havn’t, Greek
profiles, and men who lack other impor
tant qualifications for matrimony, added
to the natural paternal objections to men
who exhibit early tendencies to settle
on their fathers in-law, many a woman
wakes up at middle age to find herself
all at once, an old maid. Probably she
wishes she had married, but probably if
she had married, she would wish she
hadn’t. It seems as if, whatever one did
in this life, he was destined to regret it.
It is a delusion and a snare to imag
ine th t whatever 3 oar decision may be.
you won’t live to be sorry for it.
A Warning To Boys. —A certain
doctor, struck with the large number of
boys under fifteen years of age whom
he observed smoking, was led to enquire
into the effect the habit had upon the gen
eral health. He took for his purpose
thirty-eight boys, aged from nine to fif
teen and carefully examined them. In
twenty seven of them he disecovered in
jurious traces of habit. In twenty-two,
disorders of circulation and diges
tion, palpitation of the heart, and a more
or less marked taste for drink. In twelve
there was frequent bleeding of the nose;
and twelve had slight ulceration of the
mucous membrane of the mouth, which
disappeared on ceasing the use of tobac
eo fur some days. The doctor treated
them all fir weakness, but with little
effect until the smoking was discontin
ued, when health and strength were soon
restored. Now this is no “old woman’s
;«!<»,” as these facts are given on the
authority of the British Medical Jour
nal.
The Detroit Free Press says, in an
swer to a question as to who Mary Stuart
was: “This high-toned female was the
Queen of Sheba, also aunt of Saul of
Tarsus, likewise sister of Christopher
Columbus, similarly cousin of Gaily the
Troubadour on his mother’s side. She
w T as at one time engaged in the sheep
business, and is the party alluded to in
Homer’s highly dramatic epic poem,
“ Mary had a little lamb.” She
traded her sheep off subsequently
for an interest in the Eureka silver mine,
and got ‘ muttoned’ therein. Her death
was somewhat sudden. She went out
one morning to attend a little execution
that was advertised for that day, and
while a man was fooling around with an
axe she met with an accident which re
sulted fatally. The fuueral was a quiet
one, and as she was not a resident of
Philadelphia she had no obituary poet
etry.”
Sarcastic Romance,
Appearing in a Nashville paper,
whether original therewith or not, and
credited to one J. Breeman is a tremen
dous romance of facts in Fayetteville,
from which the appended chaste de
scription of the lovers concerned may
be tastefully quoted :
He .was young,.fair, and he parted
his hair, like the average beau, in the
middle : he was proud, he was bold, but
the 1 truth must be told,, he played lika
a fieft# on tlffe fiddle. But aside from
this vice, he was everything nine, and
his hear was so loving and tender, that
he always turned pale when he trod on
the tail of the cat lying down by the
fender. He clerked in a store, aud the
way that he tore off calico, jeans and
brown sheeting, would have tickled a
calf and made the brute laugh in the
face of quarterly meeting. He cut
quite a dash with a darling mustache,
which he learned to adore and cherish:
to one girl he said, while she drooped
her proud head, that ’twould kill her to
see the thing perish. On Sunday he’d
search the straight road to the church,
unheeding the voice of the scorner :
and demurely he sat, like a young tab
by cat, with the saints in the far amen
corner. He sang like a bird, and his
sweet voice was tugging away at long
meter; and we speak but the truth,
when we say that this youth could out
sing a hungry musquito.
She was young, she was fair, and
scaruibled her hair like the average
belle of the city; she~was proud but
not bold, yes the truth must be told
that the way she chewed wax was a
pity. But, aside from the vice, she
was everything nice, and the world
much applauded her bustle ; and the
Fuyettville boys being calmed by the
noise, walked miles just to hear the
thing rustle. She cut quite a swell, did
this wax-chewing belle, and the men
flocked in armies to meet her; hut she
gave them the shirk, for she loved the
young clerk who sang like a hungry
musquito. So she hummed and she
hawed, and she sighed and she chawed,
till her heart ancT her jaws were both
broken, then she walked by his store,
while he stood at the door awaiting
some amative token. She raised up her
eyes with a pretty surprise, and tried
to enact the proud scorner ; but, to tell
the plain truth, she just grinned at the
youth, who loved the devout amen cor
ner.
The Sumter Republican gives the
description of a jewel: Among the many
visitors who came to oflrr city on Satur
day last, to sell their country produce,
was a young lady from an adjoining
county, who had chickens, eggs and
butter for sale. Her beauty was of trans
cendent excellence. Bright, flashing,
intellectual eyes, and face round and ro
sy, while her calico dress was plain and
neatly made, fitted beautifully. Her
rich black hair flowed in luxuriant rich
ness. Highly educated, she conversed
fluently and deported herself with be
coming modesty. She wore no false
bustle or purchased complexion ; had no
topknot on her head, or false fixings to
present, but stood in the majestic beau
ty of a created intelligence that would
not yield to the despotic dictates of friv
olous fashion. It has been a long time
since we gazed upon such a sight. The
young men crowded around her wagon
with curiosity in their eyes and admira
tion in their hearts. The old men wept
for joy that there was one who had not
bowed to Baal. She sold her country
produce, went home, milked the cows,
cooked supper, for ten farm laborers,
and went to church that night with
her sweet-heart.
A JtfRY in Truckee, Cal.,had been but
for four hours when the judge sent the
sheriff to learn whether they arc goine:
to agree. The sheriff put an eye and
then an ear to the keyhole of the room in
which they were located for deliberation.
Then he brought the judge, and togeth
er they opened the door. On the table
in the center of the room stood a big bot
tle of whisky, and around it the drunken
twelve were hilariously marching in sin
gle file. The foreman carried on his
back a bass drum, upon which the man
behind him was pounding. Next came
a juror playing a snare drum, fheri a
shrill whistle imitating a fife, and the
rest were siuging. “We couldn’t agree
on a verdict nohow,” said the tipysy
foreman, in reply to the judge’s reproof,
“and we didn’t think ’twas any hurt fur
to have a social time s’long’s we was a
congenT party.”
>
A Queer Postoffice. —The small
est postoffice in the world is kept in a
barrel, which swings from the outer
most rock of the mountains overhang
ing the Straits of Magellan, opposite
Terre del Fuego. Every passing ship
opens it to place letters iu or to take
them out. Every ship undertakes to
forward all letters in it that it is possi
ble for them to transmit. It hangs
there by its iron chain, beaten and bat
tered by the winds and storms ; but no
locked and barred office on land is more
secure. It is not in the track of mail
robbers.
Defying the Buzzards. —A fellow
who was in the habit of getting drunk
whenever he went to town, in returning
home one day fell from his horse and
was as quiet as though dead. A buz
zard spied him, flew round and round,
and lighting near, hopped up and
picked his nose, wh'ch aroused the fel
low a little. The bird st pped up and
struck him again; this brought one eye
open, and as he realized that the bird
thought he was dead, he wreatlu-d his
lips with drunken scorn, and iookiug
the bird square iu the face said : “ You
needn't be so dam smart; lam not so
dead as you think I am.”
Another Victim.
A young man from Union county, S.
C., made a trip to Columbia a few days
since on board oue of the cotton boats
on Bread River, and having, attended
to his business, was making preparation
to return. Among other things, as is
too frequently the case, whisky must
be secured. With jug in hand, and in
the act of entering the bar, he was met
by one of his neighbors with the inter
rogation. “What are you ?o ? ni? Li
do?” He simply smiled. “ You had
better let that alone, bill, and behave
yourself,” was the advice given. Would
that dram drinkers wmuld only hear
the warning voice of their friends !
Had this young man hearkened to the
friendly admonition of his neighbor,
he would not have met with so sudden,
and terrible an end. He returned ors
the boat as far as Shelton, where he
took the train for Fishdam. Being in
a state of intoxication, he remained at
the station until near dark, when he at
tempted to walk home. He proceeded
rp the railroad, and when one mile
from the station the down freight traiD
on the Spartanburg & Uniou Railroad,
running at a rapid rate, with no head
light struck him, and carrying him
about forty yards, passed over him, sev
ering his head from his body. When
found on the following morning his
body was dreadfully mangled, with
brains crushed out and mashed
from its socket. In his pocket was
found a deck of cards and the remains
of a flask of whisky.
Wine bibbers ! here is a voice, like
thousands of others you have had, cry
ing to you from the threshold of eter
nity, attesting the dangers and sure
death attending the course of the dram
drinker. Young man, pause ! Will
you still drink ? Will you still say
“ there is no danger ” in such a course?
Ah ! this young man thought so once,
but alas! he is now another beacon
light along the road to ruin. Are you
determined that you shall have a tragi
cal death, and be another signal exam
ple of “ strong drink ?” If such is
not your determination, stop ! As you
value 3'our immortal soul/ stop ! Let
not another drop of the accursed stuff
pass your lips.— Orphans Friend.
What a Story,
A trumpeter of a regiment stationed
at the cape of Good Hope drank so much
one night that he could not stand up, and
in this situation his companions carried
him out in the open air and laid him
down to get cool and sober. He soon
fell asleep, and a wild beast happening
along and thinking him dead, lifted him
up and carried him off, expecting to
have a good meal of him. The fellow
on awakening was horror-struck to find
himself in the power of a ferocious beast,
who was making off to the monntains
with him fast as possible. Blit his fear
brought him to his senses, and seizing
his trumpet which hung about his neck,
be soundeT.a terrible blast, at which the
beast, thinking he had a dead man to
deal with, became as much frightened
as the man was in his situation. The
prey was dropped, the captor and captive
equally alarmed, scampered in opposite
directions fast as possible.
—*
In England, two and three centuries
ago, most of the bells were cast by wan
dering gypsies, who stopping ir the vil
lage where a bell \vas needed, would col
lect all the old brass in the neighbor
hood, and melt it, with the aid es their
rude appliances. Just before pouring
the rnolton metal into the mould they
would beg silver pieces from the crowd,
to throw into the crucible, which they
said improved the tone of the bell
Often a great deal of silver was
thrown in and melted up with the rest.
Cross Examination.—Attorney for
the prosecution—
“ Was there anything in the glass ?"
Witness—“ Well, there me summat
in it."
Attorney—“ AJi ! I thought vre
should come to it in time. Well, my
good friend, what was the something in
it ? Come, out with it."
Witness (after thinking)—“ Well it
wur a spoon."
Kentucky comes to the front with
one of the greatest marvels of the pres
ent age. In a town of considerable
size in that State there resides a lady
who makes it her boast that she has
had but one new bonnet in forty years,
has made but two calls on neighbors for
eighteen years, and has taken but one
meal away from home in all that time.
And yet she. is well off, in good health,
and all her limbs perfectly sound.
Imperfections. —Avoid minutely ex
amining what other people do, or what
will become of them ; but look on them
with an eye good simple, sweet, affection
ate. Do not require in them more perfec
tion than in yourself, and do not be as
tonished at the diversity of imperfection,
for imperfection is not greater imperfec
tion merely because it is usual. Behave
like the Bees —suck honey from all
flowers and herbs.
>- —
No man is so happy as a real Christian,
none so rational, so virtuous, so amia j
ble. How little vanity does he feel
though he believes himself united to God!
How far is he from abjectness when
he ranks himself with the worms of the
the earth. — Pascal.
■ -*-»-*» ——*——
Frit yourself as much as you please
about trifles, but dont fret your friends
about them.
i >■
A Lisbon correspondent, writing of
the king of Portugal, and not wishing
to spoil him by flattery, says that he is
an ugly likeness of a chunk of bees
wax.
Fl T ANARUS!» ITEJIS.
A bad key—whisky.
Cure for sulks —silks.
A good size—exercise.
A (u) ice place—Alaska
The best monagrnm—s
Business ties—advertise.
Rest of the week—Sunday.* ,
A first game of life —a ball.
How to serve a meal—eat it.
Ju p-d^htedn|i?S —a jiotel bill.
Not a Miss—a pretty widow.
A Brookfield woman is completely
unmanned by the loss of her husband.
A man in Maine advertises that his
wife has left his hoard and taken the
bed with her.
An Irishman, on observing a beauti
ful cemetery, remarked that he con
sidered it a healthy place to be buried
in.
Dr Johnson poked the tobacco in his
pipe down with his sweetheart’s finger
—a warm token of affection.
If you wish to travel cheaply, pat
ronize those lines which advertise to
carry their passengers through without a
“ change.”
A little child hearing a sermon, and
observing the minister very vehement in
his words and gestures, cried out:
“ Mother, why don’t the people let the
man out of the box ?”
A Kentucky paper apologizes for hav
ing spoken of the “ red headed, malig
nant mule who dispenses the coun
ty money,” by saying it wrote : “ Big
hearted, valiant soul,” etc. The fault
of the type again
Avery pious old lady in this city
says, “ If there’s one thing more than
another that she hates to see worse
than anything else, it is to see a boy
slip out and dig fish worms while get
ting ready for Sabbath school.”
A negro hoy was driving a mulo in
Jamaica, when the animal suddenly
stopped and refused to budge. “Won’t
go, eh ?” said the boy. “ Feel grand,
do you ? I s’posc you forget your sad
der was a jackass.”
We hear of men confessing on their
death-bed to the crimes of murder, ab
duction and incendiarism, hut whoever
heard of a dying man confessing steal
ing papers ? Nobody! Death cannot
scare that man.
“ X’s” don’t amount to anything on
oyster cans or barrels of flour. They
have got so they put fifty pound rocks
in a barrel of flour and then paint five
x’s on the head, though the x-tra husi>
noss could all be done in ft minuto by
the mau who finds the stone.
We arc pained to notice that papers
taking our items, and appropriating
them as their own, seek to palliato the
theft by publishing a column of relig
ious miscellany. This may look well
enough in the eyes of Heaven, but it
don’t satisfy us.— Danbury News.
A well dressed Danburian, while at
the Carmel fair Thursday, quizzingly,
observed to a strapping girl “ from the!
country,” “ This rs a very lino fair we
are having,” ands was courteously met
with the following rebuke: “Well, it
is none of your damned business, if we
are.”
A .Connecticut lady remained too
long on a train to kiss female friends
the other day, and, trying to get off
after it had started, was thrown on her
face. “If ever I kiss anybody again."
she said revengefully, as she arose, “any
woman, at lease," she added thought
fully, “then it will be when I am crazy.”
“ Dad, if I wero to see a duck on the
wing, and were to shoot it, would you
lick me ?" “O, no, my son ; it would
show that you were a good marksman,
and I would be proud of you " “Well,
(hen, dad, I peppered our old Muscovy
duck as he was flyin’ over the fence
to-day, and it would have done you
good to see him drop,"
A little fellow, five or six years old,
who had been wearing undershirts much
too small for him, was one day, after
having been washed, put into a garment
as much too large for him as the oth
ers had been too small. Our six-year
old shrugged his shoulders, shook him
self, walked around, and finally burst
out with, “ Ma, I do feel awful lonesome
in this shirt."
Yesterday morning a boy sauntered
up to a yard on eighth street, where a
woman ,was scratching the bosom of the
earth with a rake, and, leaning on the
fence, said : “Are you going around to
the back yard after awhile ?" The wo
man said she didn’t know ; maybe she
would ; why ? “ Because," the boy
said, “I just saw the cistern lid drop
on the baby’s head, a minute ago, and
I thought if you went around you might
lift it off." It is currently reported
that the woman went.
A smart city billiardist picked up a
countryman, and induced him to play a
game of billiards —one hundred points
The city boy took the cue and ran the
sjanie out without a stop. The country
man quietly laid down his cue und start
ed for the door. Said the billiardist.
“ Here come hack ana pay tor tnis
irjDig.” £l v, hat game ' said country,
“ Why, the game we just played.’
“ We ?” said the countryman : “we? I
haint played no billiards as I knows of
I guess, mister, see’n as you played the
game alone, you and better pay for it
alone !" Whereat the countryman
walked uut and the smart city boy cog
itated.
VOLUME IV.—NO. 4(5.
THINGS WORTHjfeKNOWIXG.
Fruit in Cake —By gifting flour
over the raisiis and currants, and rub
bing it over them well, there is no trou
ble from the sinking of them in tho
cake.
It is said that tho lutnei *o sugar
snuffed up fhc nose will eure ordinary
cases of neuralgijL Put a small quan
tity of sugar op a hot shovel and try as
directed.
If you should,|)C£p unfortunate as to
crush a berry on a book or engraving,
s;rike a brimstone match and let the fume
c«»mo in contact with the stain aud it
ill disappear as if by magic.
Graham Gems. —Make a stiff bat
ter of the Graham flour and cold water,
a little salt; some prefer them without
th i sal.. These arc fine for breakfast,
especially if you have nice golden but
ter and a dish of honey.
Strawherry Jelly. —Squeeze out
the juice of the strawberries, and to
each pint of juice add three-quarters of
a pound of lump sugar. Boil for twen
ty minutes; turn into cups which have
been previously dipped into water, and
set in the sun for a few hutirs.
Codfish Balls. —Two cups mashed
potatoes; 1 cup of codfish chopped
fine ; the whites of three os.gs beaten
veiy light; then, after mixing well,
drop a tablespoonful at a time iu foiling
lard and fry quickly. Let the fish boil
slowly from 20 to 30 minutes, before
being chopped.
Wheat Gems. —Two eggs.; tlvree
cups of flour, and a.pinch of salt.—
First beat the cgg3 well, then add two
thirds of the milk, then the flour and
salt, then the rest of the milk ; stir
quickly and bake in the gem pan iu a
hot oven. Fill each space even full of
the batter—soda or baking powder not
necessary.
To Restore Rancid Butter
Wash it well, first with good new milk,
and next with cold water. Butyric
acid, on the presence of which rancidi
ty depends, is freely soluble iu fresh
milk. Rancid butter may also be re
stored by melting in a water bath with
some fresh burnt and coarsely powder
ed animal charcoal (thoroughly sifted)
and straining through clean flanne’.
Why in frying fish should the fat or
oil be made very hot before the fish
are put in ? Because if the tempera
ture is low when the fish is put into
the frying-pan, it becomes sodden in the
steam formed by. rfs water, but if the
oil be very much heated the water will
be at once driven off, and the fish nice
ly browned by the scorching oil.
Baking Ham. —Most people boil
ham. much better baked, if baked right.
Soak for an hour in clean water and
wipe dry. Next spread it all over with
thin butter, and then put it in a deep
dish with sticks under it, to keep it out
of the gravy. When it is fully done,
take off the skin, and matters crusted
on the flesh side, and set it away to
cool.
To Make Good Coffer. First
wash the coffee clean, then dry it, then
brown it —not burn it. The hopperful
of our common coffee mills is enough
for eight or ten persons want. Pul the
ground coffee in a bowl or 1 coffee toiler,
add half an then pour in just
enough f-old water to wet the coffee by
being well stirred ; then pour on enough
boiling water to suit the strength want
ed, boil from five to ten minules, set off
the fire and add one half a gill of cold
water ; let stand one minute to settle,
and pour off in another coffee pot
Now serve; then you will have coffoo
of a light amber color, without grounds,
fit for any one to drink.
Medical View of Asparagus.—
A medical correspondent of an English
journal says that the advantages of as
paragus are not sufficiently estimated
by those who suffer wtth rheumatism
and gout. Slight doses of rheumatism
are cured in a few d*y» by feeding on
sliis delicious esculent, and more chron
ic cases are much relieved, especially if
the patient avoids all acids, whether in
food or beverage. The Jerusalem arti
choke has also a similar effect in re
lieving rheumatism. The heads may
be eaten in the usual way, but tea made
from the leaves of the stalk, and drank
three or four times a day, is a certain
remedy, though not equally agreeable.
Raised Connecticut Doughnut*.
Heat a pint of milk just lukewarm,and
stir into it a small cup of sifted flour
and united lard, till it is a thick hat>
ter ; add a small cup of domestic yeast,
and keep it warm till the batter is light,
then work into it four beaten eggs, two
cups of sugar rolled free from lumps, a
teaspooni'ul of salt, and two of ciisna-*
mon. When the whole is well mixed,
knead in flour until about as stiff as
biscuit dough. Set it where it will
keep warm, till of spongy lightness.then
roll the dough out half an inch thick,
and cut into cakes. Let them remain
until night, and then fry them in hot
lard.
Newspapers vs. Moths.—News
papers are beginning to be appreciated.
It is found that they are better than
cedar chests for keeping wooh-n cloth
ing in over summer, the moths don’t
like to tackle the newspapers; they
know better Whip the c ats, shawls,
Ac., thoroughly—particularly about the
seams ; then fold them snugly in a large
printed sheet; and paste the paper per
fectly tight—gum arabic mucilage is
best. Then fasten it all tightly in a
linen or cotton sheet. This, we ar - ' 1 n
- by those who have had year.' of
experience with all kinds of preven
tives, is the most effectual protection of
woolen clothing from the ravages of
moths.