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CALHOUN WEEKLY TIMES.
B y D. B. FREEMAN.
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The Tramp.
11Y LON IIODJKd.
On a morn in dreary Wirite^.,
Chine a worn and weary printer,
With his bundle on a splinter
O’er liis back ;
Travel-stained, lie was, and needy,
And his appetite was greedy
For a “ snack.’,
For the printing office steering
Till within tlie door appearing,
Where he bowed, as ohe revering, .
, When he spoke,
Saying, in a voice as solemn
Asa gratis lluchu column,
“ I am broke 1^
In your city I’m a stranger,
pusty, seedy as a Granger—
For 1 slumbered in the manger
Of a barn—
-1 desire a small donation
And some easy transportation
For my corn
Boat! 1 tried to work ;ny. passage,
Moving freight, and rough expressage—
Living on bologna sausage,
Dry and poor—
But they found l was a printer
\nd they Hustled meinstanter
To the shore.
Then 1 sadly recollected
Dny s when printers were respected
For their skill. Now I’m ejected
Fore and aft,
Just, because some have by drinking
Set the steamboat-men to sinking
All the craft.
Tims and ) sober workmen suffer
By the vices of the loafer,
Till indeed whene’er I go for
. Work I shrink
Lest another’s imposition
Throws ou mo a foul suspicion
That I drink.
Deeply does it wound and grieve nie
When a man will not believe itle,
But, dear sir, if you will give me
Fifty cents,
I will, by its proper using,
Show you I’m above abusing
Confidence.”
By his doleful conversation
Housed he our commiseration
And we made the “small donation,”
Which he sunk;
But while going to our dinner
Wc observed that, hardened sinner
Beastly drunk !
Thus do sober workmen suffer
By the vices of the loafer—
Beast coin will often for
Purest stamp,
Kin lest ones who most have trusted
\rc must thoroughly disgusted
With ttie Tramp.
[ For the Calhoun Times.]
Southern Prospects.
We portray the prospects of our
country by comparing the favorable
omens of the present, with those heart
rending realities during the dark period
of her civil dissension. And how over
whelming is the tide of sadness that
swells the devotional heart of the true
patriot, when he calls to min i the iur
pervious gloom that gathered around
the political and social horizon of the
South at the close of the late “ United
States War.” That glorious sun of
liberty that once emerged from the op
oppression of British tyranny, eliciting
the admiration of the civilized world,
in subverting the hoarded prejudices of
antiquity to freedom of thought and
Democracy of government, finally
reached the zenith of his glory and
sunk beneath a sea of fraternal blood
Populous cities, whose lofty domes and
spires once towered in architectural
grandeur unsurpassed, were deserted by
their unfortunate inmates, and scarcely
naught survived as a monument ol their
existence, serve the blackened chim
nies and burning ashes of their smoul
dering ruin. Proud ships of com
merce, whose sails were fanned by every
gale that swept the ocean, and which
had stamped our political and enter
prising spirit upon the hearts of for.,
eign nations, were robbed of their la
'lened cargoes, and their entire commu
nication molested, lleligious and educa
tional institutions, the only hope of a
nation’s triumph, were completely de
molished and numbered among the
things that were. Our fertile /ales
over which had waved the golden har
vests of niuety summeis, and which
once resounded with the melody of
the plowman’s song, were converted in
to fields of blood-shed and carnage, up
on which bleached the martyred re
mains of our country’s hope. Impend
ing ruin had swept over our entire bor
ders till there was no song of triumph
to welcomo the returning hero. And
in all the assemblies of the true and the
brave, from the crystal gates of the
i‘ *tomac to marshes of the llio Grande,
'“we heard the mournful hoops of
bounded liberty wailing the melancholy
r ge of the “ Lost Cause.” And ih
or der that no vestige of hope might re
main to tell of better fate or coming
iestiny, avarice and pretended sympa
% for the negro, which had been gath
-1 r ' n g for years in the halls of Northern
and which nothing’could sati.
* Jlsav the humiliation of Southern
• pr " Je > in the .extermination of every
ClVl ' and eclesiastical right, were wreak
111' 1 • O 7
1 ‘r-, then- unpalliated vengeance upon our
hopes. When we take an
! J tr: ) ct v ‘ ow of their unparalleled ca
jmities, we would naturally conclude
( j ' L l * 1(! naf ional glory of Southern in-
Mdence, were lost in the shades of
11 b oblivion. And when we gaze
1,1 ‘"boat ashes of those who fcU
VOL. V.
a saciificc in the cause of freedom, our
conclusion receives an apparent confir
mation. But that civil revolution, with
all of its horrors, as well as those which
have hurled monarchs from their
thrones, and crumbled empires and
kingdoms into dust, proclaims, in tones
of thunder, the sunerruling agency of
Providence in the vic ; situdes of a na
tion. And from that martyred dust
where the star of Southern hope went
down, me-thinks I hear the breathless'
tones of their departed spirits whisper,
“ Fear not men of the brave and land
of the free; though your constitutional
rights have been utterly disregarded,and
disappointed hope, furious with rage
breathes her stupendou o fiat over you,
you shall rise and flourish again, like
tho fragrant rose when autumnal frosts
and wintry snows are gone !” Months
andyears have flown, but look around
us, to-day and what a striking fulfill
ment of these words meets tho eye of
the proud beholder ! Contrary to all
human expectations, we again find our
selves the happy denizens of a glorious
clime, the agriculture and mineral re
sources of whose soil, and intelligence
and progressive spirit of whose people
without a parallel in the annals of mod
ern history. Magnificent cities have
emerged from desolation into newness of
life, beauty, and grandeur. Ships of
commerce, whose shattered plank and
broken timbers were borne upon every
billow, arc now far superior in struct
urc and number and have unirtterupted
communication with the remotest na
tions of the globe. The spread of our
population and extent of civilization arc
scarcely bounded by the coasts of the
Pacific-Animosity and civil commotion,
the baneful upas of society, that so re
cently threatened to sap the foundation
of our social and religious fabric, are
gradually yielding to the claims of ed
ucation and rcl gion. Our high school,
colleges, and universities which were
comparatively few, are now the laudable
characteristics of the South. From
their classic halls are proceeding men
of talent and culture whose Nestorian
eloquence is making ignorance and su
perstition tremble upon their thrones of
despotism. Our religious institutions,
too. are coming forth as the morning,
fair as the moon, clear as the sun and
as terrible as an army with banners.—
When wc review the history of our
country and reflect how prosperous
hitherto has been her career, it is rea
sonable and right to entertain glowing
hopes of the future mingled with grati
tude to Providence who rules and sways
the destinies of people. And if we
stand firm to the principles of truth
and virtue, we may look forward with
no groundless assurance for one of the
grandest political renovations ever ex
perienced by an oppressed people, yes,
we will then witness our beloved coun
try emerge from the social .Crisis into
which a pretended “ amalgamation of
the raoes ” is endeavoring to drift her,
and hail the approach of a better gov
ernment than has ever been established
by the swords of despots or republics.
Then will the old ship of the South,
that has been cabled so long to the
shores of tyranny and oppression
through the jealousy, and inordinate
ambition of the Noith, again unfurl
her glorious ensign and with a song of
freedom and a shout of triumph out
strip the storms of persecution that
have so long impeded her progress.
Omega.
August 28, 1874.
*■-
Smoking Statistics,
We copy the following statement
from a fine work entitled, “ Smoking
and Drinking,” by James Par ton : “ It
is gravely asserted, in Messrs. Ripley
and Dana’s excellent and most trust
worthy cyclopedia, that the consump
tion of cigars in Cuba —the mere con
sumption —amounts to ten cigars per
day for every man, woman and child on
the island. Besides this, Cuba exports
two billions of cigars a year, which vary
in price from twenty cents each (in
gold) to two cents. In the manufac
ture of Manilla cheroots —a small item
in the trade —the labor of seven thou
sand men and twelve hundred women
is absorbed. Holland, where much of
the tobacco used in smoky Germany is
manufactured, employs, it is said, one
million pale people in the business. In
Bremen there are four thousand pallid
or yellow cigar-makers. In the l nited
States the weed exhausts four hundred
thousand acres of excellent land, and
employs forty thousand sickly and ca
daverous cigar and tobacco makers. In
England, where there is a duty upon
tobacco of seventy-five cents a pound,
and upon cigars of nearly lour dollars
a pound, the government derives about
six million pounds sterling every year
from tobacco. The Freneh government
get from its monopoly of the tobacco
trade nearly two hundred million
francs per annum, and Austria over
eighty million francs. It is computed
that the world is now producing one
thousand million pounds of tobacco ev
ery year, at a total cost of five bundled
millions of dollars,”
CALHOUN, GA., WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 0. 1874.
JEEIIS AND LIZE ON THEIR WED
DING TOUR.
The train from Grafton, a few days
since, stopped at one of the way sta
tions, to take on a couple newly married.
Both were young, and both were ver
dant; having been raised in the wilds
of Western Virginia, neither of them
had ever been fifty miles from home.
They had heard of railways, steamboats,
locomotives and hotels, but had never
experienced the comforts of any of the
aforementioned institutions. Jeems
and Lize bad determined on this, the
most important event in their lives, to
visit the city and see the world, particu
larly that portion of it known as Par
kersburg. No wonder they were
amused aud delighted, when the loco
motive, steaming and snorting, with the
beautiful, crimson cars following it came
in sight.
“ Those your trunks ?” said the bag
gage master.
“ Well I sorter calculate them’s’em,”
said Jeems.
The truuks(spotted hair trunk and a
very old-foshioued valise) were soon in
the baggage car followed by Lize and
J eems.
“ I’ll be darned if railroads ain’t a
fine thing,” said Jeems, seating himself
on his luggage and carefully holding up
the tail of his tighUwaisted blue, -
adorned with resplendant metal buttons,
out of the dust. ‘‘Lize, sit here by.
me.”
“ Come out of that,” said the bag
gage master, “ you are in the wrong
car.”
“ The hell lam ! D’ye ’spose I don’t
know what I’m ’bout? These is my
traps, and I calculate to stay whar they
ar’. Keep quiet Lize ; they say we’ve
got to fight our way through the world,
any how, and if that chap with the cap
on wants anything, why, I’m his man.
Don,t want any foolin’ round me !”
Here the captain interposed and ex
plained matters, insomuch that Jeems
consented to leave his traps and follow
the captain. What was his delight
when he surveyed the magnificence of
the first-class passenger-car, into which
ho was ushered. His imagination had
never in its. wildest flight, pictured
anything half go gorgeous. He was
aroused from the contemplation of the
splendor around him by the shriek of
the iron horse.
“ Jewhillikens ! what in the thun
der’s that?” exclaimed Jeems.
“ That’s the horse squealing when
they punch him in the ribs with a
pitchfork, to make him go along,” said
a sleepy individual just behind him.
“ Look here stranger,” said Jeems,
“I know you think I’m a derned fool ;
maybe 1 am ; but there’s one thing I
know, and that is that you’ll get your
mouth broke, ef you dont keep it shut.
I don’t say much”—just at this mo
ment they found themselves in Egyptian
darkness, and then was heard a scream
almost equal to that of the engine from
Lize, as she threw her arms around the
neck of Jeems.
“ I it !’’ exclaimed the sleepy
individual ; “we are lost, every moth
er’s son of us. We cau just prepare to
make the acquaintance of the man in
black, who tends the big fire down be
low.”
“ Oh Lord ! Jeems what will become
of us ? I felt skeery about gettiu’ on
the outlandish thing at fust.”
“Keep quiet, Lize, hollering won’t do
any good now. Ef you know any pray
er now’s your time to say it, for both of
us?”
“ What is the matter here ?” said the
astonished conductor, coming up as
the train emerged once more into the
light.
“ That’s just what I’d like to know,”
said Jeems, when he saw that Lize and
himself were still alive.
“ We’ve just passed through Eaton’s
tunnel,” replied our polite captain.—
“How far are you going ?”
“ Well, I reckon we’ll stop at Par
kersbuig.”
“ Show your tickets, if you please.”
“ Sartinly. Lize, you got some with
you ! Let this gent look at ’em.”
Lize drew a picoe of white paper
from her reticule and, with a smile,
handed it to our friend, the captain
who read :
“ The pleasure of your company is
respectfully solicited,” etc
“ What’s this !” said the captain.
“ Why, that’s one of the tickets to
our weddirr’; that’s what you asked for,
hain’t it ?” said the somewhat surprised
Jeems.
“ Whaw ! whaw ! whaw !” was the
discordant sound that arose from the
seat of the sleepy looking individ
ual
A bland smile passed over the face of
the captain, as he explained the mean
ing to our verdant friend lie had no
ticket, but willingly paid his fare, aud
the train sped on to its destination. But
wonders did not cease here —presently
our pert newsboy, Billy, entered the
car, and stepping up to Jeems, he ask
ed :
“ Have a Sun, sir ?”
“ Wa’ll if I have my way about it,
the fust one will be a son, sartm,” said
Jeems. Lize blushed.
“ Don’t count your children before
they are hatched,” said Billy, as he hast
ened to the next car.
In due time the train stopped at the
big depot, in the city. Amid the con
fusion of strange noises, and the babble
of discordant voices, our taiends landed
oa the platform.
“ Bus, sah ? Bus, sah ? free for the
United States! ” said the sable porter
of our up town house. Lady, taxe a
bus, sar ?” f
“ Wa’ll, I rather ’spose she won t
from any body but me— reckon I’m able
to do all in that line she wants, and
more, too.” .
“ Go to the Swan House, sah ? right
across de street--best house in the city.
This way, sir? any bagage ? Have it
sent to your room in a few moments.”
In a short time Jeems and his bride
found themselves in one of those com
fortable rooms on the second floor of
that well-ordered establishment, the
Swan House. The baggage was sent up
with the usual promptness, and our
friends were soon making their toilet
For dinner. Jeems had his coat and
boots off in a jiffy, and Lize’s hair fell
gracefully over her shoulders.
“ That’s a duced pretty torsel! ” said
Jeems, eying the bell-cord—“ Wonder
what it’s fur,” catching hold of it.
“ Look, it works up there on a sort of a
thingumbob. I’d like to have that tor
sel to put on my horse’s head next mus
ter day ; see how it works,” said he,
giving it a pull.
Presently the door opened, and the
sable face of one of Africa’s sons was
thrust into the room, with the inquiry
of “ King, sah ?”
“Ring? ring what, you black ape?
if you do not quit looking at my wife
and make yourself scarce, I’ll wring
your head off.”
‘Stop a minnit,’ said Lize; ‘what is
thename of the man that keeps this
tavern ?”
“Mr. Conley, inarm.”
“Well, tell his lady that she needn’t
go to any extra fixin on our aecouut,
lor we are plain people,” said the amia
ble bride.
“As they used to say in our debating
society,” iuterupted Jeems. “I 11 amend
that motion by saying you can tell them
the best they’ve got l am able to pay
for, and don’t care, for expeuses.”
“Tee bee ! Tee-hee ! ” was the only
audible reply from the sable gent, as he
hurried down stairs.
Dinner came, was dispatched with
a relish. Jeems and his bride took a
stroll over the city, seeing the lions and
ether sights, until supper time, which
being over, they, retired to their rooms.
The gas was lit by a servant, who re
ceived a bright quarter for his services.
Jeems was last in bed, and according
to the rule in such cases, had to put
out the light, which he did with a
blast from his lungs.
The noise in the street had died
away, and quiet reigned in the Swan
House. The young man on the watch
dozed in his chair. The clerk (rather
corpulent) was about to retire when he
thought he smelt gas. The guests
(some of them) thought they smelt gas.
Much against his will, the clerk proceed
ed to where the leak was. It seemed
stronger in the neighborhood of the
room occupied by the bride and groom.
The clerk concluded to knock at the
door of the room.
“Who is there? camo from the inside
“Open the door; the gas is escap
ing.”
“Gas! what gas?” said Jeems, open
ing the door.
“Why, here, in the room. How did
you pat the light out ?”
“Blew it out, of course.”
“You played h—.” Our amiable
clerk come very near saying a bad
word, but, remembering that there was
a lady in the case, rather in the bed, he
choked his rising temper, and having
lit the gas, proceeded to show Jeems
the mystery of the burner, as follows :
“You see this little thing here ? Well,
when you want to put it out, give it a
turn this way, and when you want to
make it lighter, you give it a turn this
way. Serious consequences might have
resulted if it had not been discovered
It might have suffocated us all. Now,
be careful next time.”
“Well, Jeems, I thought it was you
that smelt that way, all the time. I
was jest wondering if all men smelt that
way. It ’peared strange; but, then, I
never slept with a man afore, in all my
life, and didn’t know nothing about it,”
was the response of Lize as she turned
over for a nap.
The red in the clerk’s face grew
smilingly redder as it reflected the light
from the burning jet. and a rougish
twinkle lurked in the corner of his eyes,
as he turned off the gas and all was
dark, our friends were left in their glo<'
ry. A sound of suppressed mirth was
heard in the reading room for a few
minutes, and then all was still.
Mns. Jipes’s Healthy Work.—
The Indianapolis Herald says: Mrs
Jipes’ of Greasy Point, 111., after sawing
a cord of wood, digging five bushels of
potatoes, milking twenty cows, carrying
ten tubs of water, and doing a washing
of ten dozen pieces, incidentally men
tioned being tired. Mr. Jipes read to
her from a newspaper : I believe that
nothing would tend so effectually to get
rid of these creatious weariness, and
that overstimulation of the emotions, as
a Pair share of h'ealthy work directed to
wards a definite object. Just here a
can of Royal baking powder struck him
in the abdomen. Following this can.e
a stove lid, three pancakes, a rotton to
mato, salt cellar, bowl of buttermilk,
and all the dough for Thursday’s baking.
It was evident that she considered her
lord a “ definite object,” and the fair
share of work directed toward him was
a little healthier than he would have
desired.
A \ r ERY learned judge was once ask
ed what he would do if a man owed
him ten pounds and refused to pay. —
His reply was worth remembering by
those wlio are quick to take offense and
begin a quarrel. He said :
“ Rather than bring an action against
him, with its costs and uncertainty, 1
would give him a receipt in fall of all
demands; yea, and I Would send him
(ive pounds to cover all possible ex
penses.”
That was his conclusion after exten
sive observation ou the matter of going
to law.
Josh Billings on Rats.
Rats originally cum from Norway and
i wish they had figinally staid thare.
They are about az uncalled for aZ a
pain in the small ov the back.
They can be domestikated direful ea
zy, that iz. as far as gitting in cup
boards, and eating cheese, and knawing
pie. iz concerned.
The best way td docestimate them
that i saw, iz tew surround them gent
ly with a steel trap ; yu can reason with
them tu great advantage.
Rats are migratorious, they niigrately
wharever they have a mind to.
Pizen is also good for rats ; it softens
their whole moral naturs.
Cats hate rats, and rats hate cats, and
—who don’t ?
I suppoze thare iz between 50 and GO
millions of rats in Amerika (i quote
now entirely from memory,) and i don’t
surpoZe thare iz a single necessary rat
in tho whole lot. This shows at a
glance how many waste rats thare iz.
Rats enhance in number faster than
shoe-pegs do by machinery. One pair
ov healthy rats iz all that any man
wants to start the rat business with, and
in ninety daze, without enny outlay, he
will, begin tetv have rats tew turn oph.
Rats, viewed from enny platform yu
kan build, are unspeakibly cussed, and
i would be willing tew make enny man
who could destroy awl the rats in the
United States, a valuable keepsake, say,
for instance, eithur the life and suffer
ings of Andy Johnson, in one volume
calf bound, or a receipt tew cure the
blind staggers.
REMARKS.
Fust appearance are ced to be every
thing. I don’t put all my fathe into this
saying, i think oystere and klams, for
instance, will bear looking into.
If you want to git a big krop, and a
big yield for the seed, sow wild oat.s.
Humin natur is the same all over the
world, ’cept in New England, and thar
it’s akordan tu satcumstances.
If i had a boy who didn't lie well
enough to sute me, i would set him tu
tendin a retale dri goods store.
Man was created a little lower than
the ange's, and has biu giltin ower ev
ery sinse.
When a feller gits a goin down hill it
dus seem as tho evry thing had been
greased for the okashun.
It is dredful easy tew be a phool—a
man kan be one and not know it.
Ignorance is ced to be bliss. This
ma be so, I never tried it.
The man who kan wear a shirt a
whole week and keep it klean, aint fit
for anything else.
When a man’s dog deserts him on
akount ov his poverty, he kant git enny
lower in this world, not bi land.
Luv is like the measels, we kant al
was tell when we ketched it, and ain’t
apt tew have it severe but onst, and then
it ain’t kounted much unless it strikes
inly.
Difference in Eyes*
No branch of science has been more
thoroughly mastered than optics. The
principle of vision must be essentially
the same in all eyes, but they differ re
markably, according to the habit of the
animal. Birds of lofty flight, as the
condor, eagles, vultures, and the carri
on seeking prowlers of the feathered
race, have telescopic visions, and thus
they are enabled to look down and dis
cover their unsuspecting victims. As
they approach noiselessly from above,
the axis of vision changes—shortening,
so that they can see as distinctly one
foot from the ground as when at an ele
vation of one mile in the air. This
factexplainS the balancing of a fish-hawk
on its pinions half a mile above a still
pond watching for fish. When one is
selected, down the savage hunter plun
ges, the focal axis varying always to
the square view of his intended prey
As they ascend, the axis is elongated
by a curious muscular arrangement, so
as to see far off again. Snails have
their keen eyes at the extremity of flex
ible horns, which they can produce or
draw in at pleasure By winding the
instrument round a leaf or stalk, they
can see how matters stand on the oppo
site side. The hammer-headed shark
has its wicked-looking eyes nearly two
feet apart. By an effort they bend the
thin edges of the head, on which the
organs are located, so as to examine
the two sides of an object the size of a
full-grown codfish. Flies have immo
vable eyes. They stand out from the
head like half an apple, exceedingly
prominent. Instead of smooth hemis
pheres, they Lave an immense number
of facets, resembling old fashioned glass
seals, each one directing the light di
rectly to the optic retina. That ex
plains why they can not be approached
in any direction without seeing what is
coming.
—4- £•—
Mouse Hunt Extraordinary. —A
Keokuk lady, while engaged in the pur
suit of her domestic duties, encountered
a mouse in a flour barrel Now, most
ladies, under similar circumstances,
would have uttered a few feminine
shrieks, and then sought safety in the
garret. But this one possessed more
than the ordinary degree of feminine
courage. She summoned the hired man
and told him to get the shot gun, called
the bull dog and stationed him at con
venient distance. She then climbed
half way up stairs, and commenced to
punch the barrel vigorously with a
pole. Presently the mouse made its ap
pearance and started across the floor.
The dog at once went in pursuit. The
man fired and the dog dropped dead.
The lady fainted and fell down stairs,
and the hired man thinking she was
killed, and fearing that he would be ar
rested for murder, disappeared and lias
not been seen since. The mouse escap
ed.
Deacon Panics’ Sumliy.
“ Beautiful ! beautiful!” mentally
ejaculated Deacon Burncs, at the close
of a aeruion about heaven. “ Those are
my ideas exactly.”
Aud so enrupped was he with Ills
thoughts as he passed out of the church,
he forgot to ask lame old Mrs. Howe to
ride huuie with him, as his usual cus
tom.
“ Perhapsit is Well,’* he th ’t, “ fur
she is a worldly old woman and would
probably have drawn my tho’ts away
from heaven.”
At the dinner table his son exclaim
ed :
“ Oh, father, I have a situation at
last !”
“ Have you forgotten that it is Sun
day, John ?” asked the father, stern
ly. “Don't let me hear any more such
talk ”
John ate his dinner in silence. How
could his situation be a wrong thing to
speak of on Sunday. He was so thank
ful for it that it seemed to come from
the hand of God. God knew all about
the restless months in which he had an
swered an advertisement every week.
When the minister gave thanks in
church for all the mercies of the j-tasi
week, John’s heart gave a grateful
throb, and he determined now to ac
knowledge God in all his ways.
John ate his dinner in silence, while
his father thought about heaven.
In the afternoon Mi\ Barnes’ neph
ew, a stranger in that place, came over
from his boarding place opposite and sat
on the piazza talking with John.
“ I can’t allow this, Tom,” said Mr.
Barnes, coming to the door with his Bi
ble in his hands ; “ you must not sit
here breaking the Sabbath- Go back
to your boarding house and read some
good book.”
Tom started up angrily, and spent
the afternoon fishing and bathing with
an old colored man, his only acquain
tance in the place, while Deacon Burncs
sat in a largo rocker ou the piazza with
a handkerchief over his face, and tho’t
about heaven.
Presently his two little grand daugh
ters came out on the piazza with a pic
ture book and sat down near him.—
There was a flutter of leaves and a
great deal of buzzing as the little yel
low heads bent over the book, and fi
nally laughed outright.
“ Children, where’s your mother
sternly demanded Deacon Burnies.
“ Ellen, Ellen,” he shouted. “ I
think you might keep these children
quiet cn the Sabbath. They won’t al
low.uie to think.”
Ellen had been awake all night with
a fretful baby. She had hushed him,
and had just| fallen asleep when her,
father’s voice aroused her and awoke
the baby.
“ Please send them up stairs she said,
wearily.” ,
And all that sultry afternoon she
amused the three children in a close,
upper room, while her father rooked
and fanned himself, and thought of
heaven.
A Touching Incident.
We heard a story told the other day,
that made our eyes moisten. We have
determined to tell it just as we heard
it, to our little ones.
A company of poor children who had
been gathered out of the alleys and gar
rets of the city were preparing for their
departure to new and distant homes in
the West. Just before the time of
starting on the cars, one of the boys
was noticed aside from the others, and
appeared very busy with a castoff gar
ment. The superintendent stepped up
to him, and found that he was cutting a
small piece out of the linings. It
proved to be his old jacket, which, hav
ing been replaced by anew one, had
been thrown away. There was no time
to be lost.
“Come John,” said the superintend
ent “ what are you going te do with
that old piece of calico ? ’
“ Please sir,” said John, “ I am cut
ting it to take with me. My dear moth
er put. the lining into this old jacket for
me. This was a piece of her old dress,
and it is all that I have to remember her
by.”
And the poor boy thought of that
dear mother’s love, and of the sad death
scene in the old garret where she died,
be coverdthis face with his hands and
sobbed as if his heart would break. Put
the train was about leaving, and John
thrust the little piece of calico into his
bosom to remember his mother by, hur
ried into the car and was soon far away
from the place where he had seen So
much sorrow. Wc know many an eye
will moisten as the story is toll and re
told throughout the country, and will
go to God for the fatherless and mother
less in all great cities and placed. Lit
tle ones are your mothers still spared
to you ? Will you not show love by ;
obedience? That little boy who loved
so well surely obeyed. Bear this in
mind that if you should one day have
to look upon the face of a dead mother,
no thought would he so hitter as to re
member that you had given her pain by
your wilfulness and disobedience.
“An old man and his wife who came
in by the Central road yesterday morn
ing, saw about thirty hacks at the dmr
of the depot, and about thirty hack men
shouting ‘Hack !’at them. The mm
took it all as a high compliment, and
turning to the old lady he said, ‘I tell
you, mother, they th nk we are some
thing great, or they’d never had all
these carriages down here to meet us.
I wonder how they knew we was com
in- ? ’’ —Detroit Free Press.
—*-
Lot’s wife would not have looked
back, but a woman with anew dress
passed her, and she wanted to see if
the buck breadth was lulllcd.
NO. 7-
A subscriber asks our Commercial
man to quote the wholesale price of” cp
da bottles. He says he can’t afford to
pay five cents apiece for them when the
roof of his woodshed is the headquar
ters of all the cats in the neighbor
hood.
“ Boy,” said a traveler to a disobedi
ent youth whom he encountered, “ don’t
you hear your father speaking to you ?”
“Oh ! y.a-a-s,” replied the youth.
“But t don’t mind what he says. Moth
er don’t neither, and ’twixt she and I,
we’ve about got the dog so he don’t.”
This is how it happened down irf
south-west Missouri :
He found a. rqpe, and picked it up/
And with ii walked away;
It happened th’ai to t’other end'
A horse was hitched, they say.
They found a troe'and tied the rope
Unto a swinging limb,
li happened that the other end
Was somehow hitched to him.
“Papa do you think Beech—”
“ Hush Johnnie,” “But papa, don, t you
think Beech—” “Didn’t you hear me
tell you jo stop your noise, sir ? I won’t
have you talking about these things.
Go in and get your face washed,” and
Johnnie, with his eyes full of tears a k
cd mother why papa wouldn’t tell him’
if beechnuts were ripe.
They occasionally get hold of the’
wrong man in Kansas when they are
hunting for a frorie thief, but they do
the thing fair with the widow. They
give her a lotfin the graveyard, buy the
coffin, and march in procession, sing
ing “ John Brown’s body.” After that
they make up a purse, buy her a shot
gun and two dogs for her to make her a
iving With'.
A gentleman at Ltike George, after
waving his handkerchief for half an"
hour or more*at an unknown lady, whom
he discovered at a distant point on the
shore, was encouraged by a warm res
sponse to his signals to approach his
charmer. Imagine his feelings, When
on prawing nearei', he saw it was h:s‘
own wife whom he had left at the hotel
hut a short time before- “ why how
remarkable we should have recognized
each other at such a distance !” exclaim
<d b all in the same breath and thfctP
changed the subject.
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M * ELLANEOt’So
- t i 1 '• S
“Oh ! tna. There’s an angel with
wings.” “ Pshaw ! that’s only a Louis-*
ville girl with her ears spread.”
• A Pennsylvnia marj has dislocated his\
law in laughing at a hike i:t;a borrowed
tiewspapet. The mural is obvloks ~
In Virginia City, a male Indian
dressed ns a squaw, is frequently seen*
He is forced to wear female attire as v,
punishment for cowardice.
•! .. . *
The Sumter Republican tells ,of a
planter on Flint river who is trying to
improve the quality ot his watermeU
ns by “ watering ” the vines with c ido
sjrnp.
The editor of tho Courier-Journal
goes for abolishing church spires.—
i hey do unpleasantly remind some pen-,
pie of a route they can never expect to
travel.
It was “darling George” when a
bridal couple left Omaha ; it was “ dear
George ” at Chicago ; at Detroit it was
“ George ” and when they reached Ni
agara Falls it was “ say you.”
, An exchange says : “Is there a littF
boy in town by the name of Uli Dam*
yer?” We are quite certain that “Uli’*
lives in this city, as we hear the boys
call his name very frequently.”
\\ hen a stranger indicates to a Para
guay belle that, 1m desires to kiss Jter 4
she removes a quid of tobacco from
her mouth to facilitate the proceeding.
Then he can kiss her if he chews.
A little boy was asked by his .Sunday
school teacher: ‘‘Who made all these
beautiful green hills and charming val
leys you see from tho church window ?”
“I don’t knov r ma’am—wo have just
moved this week !”
* i f , • 1
Courier Journal , Ba),d Mountain
seems to have quieted down now, and
some of the people around there arebe :
ginnitlg to fear that they got religious
a good while before there was any ne
cessity for it.
A Cape May youth used the deeds of
his father’s faru? for gun wads. THo,
stamp on the bottom of the document,
wa3n t anything like tho impression the
old man made on the same part of the
lad’s anatomy.
“Quito a hail storm last night,’* remark-.
ed a guest to a California landlord, as ho
came down stairs the other morning.
“No. Only a few of the boys shooting,
at a Chinaman, and the balls rattled
against the house.”
York, Ilk, had a Maud Muller who
went out to “rake t'ie garden sweet with
hay.” She turned her first winrow
over a yellow jacket’s nest. First jump
eleven feet; distance to the house, half
a mile; time, two minutes.
Mrs. Partington says that Ike, having
become enamored of a syren in Boston
has led her to the menial altar. lie
didn’t appear the least decomposed. On
the back of his wedding cards wero
little 6ubits with wings.
When thoy tried to force Miss Gay,
of Independence, Missouri, into a mar
riage against her will, she kicked the
minister’s hat off, knocked the young
man down, and rode off on a mule, with
one foot on each side of him.
When a Tennessee husband wil ?
horsewhip his wife for washing potatoes
in his Sunday plug hat, it is time toiß. :
quire whether this generation of merl
isn.t getting to be too confounded high
toned for the age of the country.