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A Hiss Is 9zfS£ A Hiss... Op Is It?
R ecently, MTV awarded the "Best Kiss in a
Motion Picture" to Sarah Michelle Gellar
and Selma Blair for their extremely hot
liplock in the film Cruel Intentions. Unless you're
a cold fish or someone who doesn't have a
tongue, if you saw the movie or the awards show,
you probably appreciated their uninhibited per
formance.
I'm guessing that lesbians (and cockfisted
straight boys in dorm rooms) everywhere were
turned on. The kiss seemed to defy all laws of
self-consciousness on either woman's part Sarah
and Selma, I thought, are either really great
actresses or they've done that before.
My first kiss was all very
sloppy and way too mis
guided...
My first kiss was all very sloppy and way too
misguided to come close to satisfying me now.
But over the years, it has graduated to being
sweet and innocent in my memory—even
though, ironically, the first boy to ever slip me
the tongue is now a big queen.
His kiss, I'm happy to say, was the first of
many to come, but it was also the one by which
I judged others for well over a year. It took me
that long to kiss enough boys that I was able to
form an opinion and a discriminating taste, if
you will. By the end of that time, I'd decided
that I preferred soft and slow over hard and
flailing when it came to probing tongues.
In matters of kissing, as Sarah and Selma
have proved, women once again have got it over
on men. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but I
think it might have something to do with the
fact that a woman has a vagina. A woman under
stands that allowing something to be inserted
into any cavity of her body—some might argue
especially her mouth—is a privilege for the
inserter and should be treated as such.
For the most part, because of that feminine
understanding, I feel confident saying that
women kiss ether women like we mean it--
honey-tongued and with respect When women
kiss, we kiss. We don't think about what our
penis would rather be doing, because we don't
have one, or because the one we have is stashed
away in a drawer. Many men, however, kiss with
a greater goal in mind and therefore miss out on
what's happening in the moment—the seduc
tion, the eroticism and the privilege of the kiss
eludes them. By the way, this is also why I think
men are bad drivers—they're more concerned
with arriving at their destination than they are
in the route they take or the view along the way.
T hat isn't to say, however, that women don't
have our own agenda when it comes to our
lips—we do. A kiss is what women use to gauge
all matters involving tongues. In fact, experi
enced lesbians know that if a woman is a bad
kisser, she probably won't change her tactic for
other parts—even if she did take two years of
Latin. If she can't navigate arouna a tongue and
a bunch of teeth, there's no way you can trust
her with the important stuff.
Unfortunately, there's no way to tell a
person's smoochability ahead of time. So, a life
time of kissing is experienced largely through
trial and error.
I used to think that I could just look at a
mouth and know if it was going tc provide me
with a satisfying kiss. But I'm not so sure any
more. While it might appear that Angelina Jolie
has got lips made for kissing, I wouldn't be a bit
surprised if she kisses like, say, Ernest Borgnine.
I also wouldn't be shocked to learn that Julia
Roberts can't give a good blowjob to save her
life.
When women kiss, we
kiss. We don't think about
what our penis would
rather be doing...
I say this because experience tells me the
mouth that's typically ignored is often the most
pleasing to kiss. Like the quiet girl at the party
who almost always proves to be the most inter
esting guest, the tongue of the thinner-lipped
woman makes up for what Mother Nature
skimped on.
The bottom line is a kiss can never be
defined, but it can, and will, be compared. So
know that from your first kiss to the kiss of
death, kissing is an art, a work in progress. And
practice makes perfect.
Kim Ficera
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12 BikeAthens Benefit
Sot. 11 -2pm
Pay a skinny $3, enjoy a grilled sandwich, and support alternative
transportation in Athens. All proceeds benefit BikeAthens.
Learn bike safety tips, too!
1e Body Care-the "real" thing Wednesday
Pick up free samples of health and beauty products to try at
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17 Kids in the Kitchen?
Thurs. 6pm
A cooking class especially for kids. Learn how to make easy
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Stop by the store for details and to sign-up.
Healthy Kids Festl
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Earth Fare
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m FLAGPOLE AUGUST 16, 2000