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SHE MARRIED A SCIENTIST.
Oh, she said she’ never marry any Tom, Dick
and Harry,
; She’d wed soma famous scientist of learn -
ing and renown;
But her Tom was quite commercial, and of
Agassiz and Herschel
He was ignorant, she said, as any circus
clown.
So she gave poor Tom the mitten, and as meek
as any kitten k
He went to making money and forgot his
wild despair;
Forgot, I say; at any rate he hastened to de¬
generate
Into a sordid business man, a trifling mill¬
ionaire.
But she wed a scientific, and his tastes were
quite terrific
For various kinds of insects and for toads
and other game;
And instead of plaques and pictures, rattle¬
snakes and boa constrictors
He’d take into his sitting room to ornament
the same.
As a zealous decorator he preferred an alli¬
gator
To a statue of Minerva, or a bust of Henry
Clay;
And you ought to hear him talk awhile of
his bouncing baby crocodile
That he played with in his parlor just to
while the time away;
And his cobra di capello, a very charming
fellow.
Through dressing room and bedroom used
to nonchalantly drift;
And an elephant’s proboscis and two young
rhinoceroses
He presented to his children as a fitting
Christmas gift.
But he sold his wife’s piano to buy ipecacu¬
anha
To feed his hippopotamus to ease his stom
ach aches,
And a shark ate up his baby, for you know
how hungry they be,
And he went and pawned his overcoat to
feed his rattlesnakes.
— Yankee Blade.
! PITH AND POINT.
Ill-fitting garments—I.aw suits.
When a man is attacked by a bull¬
dog which he turns to stone, does the
dog become a petrifaction?— Yonkers
'Gazette.
The woman suffrage movement in this
country is forty years old, and there aro
some women who have courage to ad¬
mit that they helped start it.
“What a picturesque little cottage! Swiss
A veritable Swiss chalet.” “A
shall he, do you call it? To my mind
it’s more like an Irish shan’t he.”
“ He’s a perfect stick—
The silliest kind of catch."
“ And she’s all brimstone—
Both will make a match.”
— Harper's Bazar.
“There is no virtue in vinegar,” says a
scientist. None, eli? It does what
many so-called men do not do—supports Mepub
its aged mother .—Binghamton
lican.
The bagpipes were invented by the
Romans, says a recent writer, and not
■
by the Scotch. If this is true, it relieves
the Scotch of a serious responsibility.—
Boston Courier.
Father (Sunday morning)—“Wake church!”
up, John. It’s time to go to
Voice from up stairs—“Yes, father, but
whats the use? I can sleep just as well
here.”—Siftings.
Robinson—“How about that note I
hold of yours, Brown? I’ve got it so
long that whiskers are beginning to grow it
on it.” ’Brown- “Why don’t you get
shaved, then?”— Harper's Bazar.
Once cooking was the proper th ing, mad;
Then Browning drove the women
Poor Buddha's gone to fold his fad. wing—
But whistling is the coming —Boston Courier.
“Bob, you say that you believe most
diseases are contagious. How long have
you entertained such notions?” “Ever
since I sat alongside of a blue-eyed girl the
and caught the palpitation of
heart.”
Utah is knocking loudly for admission
into the Union. Nothing should avail
except a ticket inscribed as was Artemus
Ward’s free passes to his lecture on the
Mormons: “Admit hearer and one wife.”
— Siftings.
THE NEW OIKE.
“ You may wake us,” the mistress said,
“ When the coffee’s on, and the I table spread.”
The new girl answered: “If be late
In ain’t gettin’ up, ye needn't wait;
I pertikeler whin I ate."
—Detroit Free Press.
The Lessons of “linser Fritz” Case
The greatest doctors in Europe Fritz.” don’t seem
to known what ails “Unser
Thus are the Garfield and Grant “expert” episod es
repeated, and public confidence in
medical The effect knowledge is revulsion. is a ;am shaken.
a
Since the fatal days of 1883 many of the
doctrines of tne schoolmen concerning ex¬
tensive medication have been abandoned,
and al! schools of practice are more and more
relying upon old-fashioned simple root and
herb preparations and careful nursing—the
only These reliances methods known and-reliances to our ancestors. il.ustrated
are
to-day in a series of old-fashioned roots and
herbs preparations recently proprietors given to the of
world by the well-known
Warner’s safe cure—preparations made from
formula; possessed by many of our oldest
families, and rescued for popular use, and is¬
sued under the happy designation of War¬
ner’s “My Log Cabin exclaimed Remedies. venerable to
the son,” when a boy, “my sou,you’re woman
writer he was a
needin’ yeller aud pale good and shaking weak like lookin’, with you’re
a up some
sas’paril’." A jug of spring sarsaparilla
was
necessary in the “winter Darrei supplies” of pork,
years ago as was authority a that th
famous medical says
general prevalence of the use of such a prep¬
aration as health Log Cabin Sarsaparilla ancestors. explains
the rugged of our
While Warner’s Log Cabin Sarsaparilla of the is
an excellent remedy for all seasons
year, it is particularly valuable in the spring, and
when the system is full of sluggish blood
requires a natural constitutional tonic and
invigorator to resist colds and pneumonia, Philo M.
and the effects of a long winter.
Parsons, clerk of the City Hotel of Hartford,
Conn., was prostrated with a cold which, he I
said, “seemed to settle through my body.
neglected it and the result was my blood be¬
came impoverished and poisoned, indicated
by inflamed eyes. I was treated, but my
eyes grew worse. I was obliged to wear a
shade over them. I feared that I would be
obliged to give up work.” Warner's Log
“Under the operation of
Cabin Sarsaparilla and Liver Pills,” he says,
“the sore and inflamed eyes disappeared. condition
My blood, I know, is in a healthier I have much
than it has been for years. a
bitter appetite. I shall take several more
bottles for safety’s sake. Warner's Lo !
Cabin Sarsaparilla is a great purifier aud
most A few heartily bottles recommend of Warner’s it^’ Log Cab'n Sar¬
saparilla week used of in sickness the family and now will dollar save
many a This many a oldest,
of bills. Use no other. is the
most thoroughly tested, and the best, is put
up in tho largest sarsaparilla bottle on the
market, containing 120 doses. There is no
other preparation of similar name that can
equal it. The name of its manufacturers is a
guarantee of its superior worth.
While the great doctors wrangle over the
technicalities of an advanced medical science
that cannot cure disease, such simple untime¬ prepa¬
rations yearly snatch millions from
ly graves.
Secret of the Sphinx.
ought An undertaking yield has been begun which
to results of special interest.
This is the removal of sand from round
the sphinx. The sphinx occupies a po¬
sition whore 'the encroachment of the
desert is most conspicuous. At the
present day nothing is to be seen of the
animal except its head and neck; but the
old Egyptian monuments on winch it is
figured down show not only but the entire body
to the paws, also a large
square plinth beneath,covered with orna¬
ments. Since the time of the Greeks,
pc:haps, even since disappeared the reign of George
IV., sand this plinth has beneath
the and its existence had been
forgotten.
It hewn is generally supposed that the sphinx
is out of a large, isolated rock
which overlooked the pain; but AL
Maspero’s researches suggest that it is a
work still more stupendous. Ho has
proved that the sphinx occupies the cen¬
ter of an amphitheatre, forming a kind
of rocky basin, the upper rim of which is
about on a level with the head of the ani¬
mal. The walls of this amphitheatre,
whenever visible, are cut by the hand of
man. It seems probable, therefore, that
in the beginning there was a uniform
surface of rock in which an artificial vat
ley has been excavated, so as to leave in
the middle a block out of which the
sphinx was finally hewn. Tho excava¬
tions nowbeing existence carried on will doubtless
verify the of the plinth shown
on the old partings, and also furnish
evidence, by the ornamentation of the
pliuth, of the true age of the monument.
M. Maspero is inclined to assign it to a
very great antiquity—possibly dynasties—that higher
than the early is. than
the result first period of last of winter's Fgypt an history. As
the work, the sand
round the sphinx thirty has already been
lowered by about meters.— London
Academy.
“W 11 . 1 . 1 E,” said the fond mother, “I
wish you wouldn’t associate so much with
Robbie Goorgeson. He slang.” is greatly ad¬
dicted to the use of low “That’s
a fact, mother,” said the bright little
boy, with engaging frankness. “It isn’t
my fault, though. I’ve tried a dozen
.times to give him the cold shake, but the
blamed chump wouldn’t tumbK”
The Fires We Have to Fight.
“Do you know how half the most
dangerous fires start?” asked an old
fireman. A woman had just gone
into the basement with a wooden box
filled with hot ashes. “Well, that wo¬
man illustrates it to perfection. They
will put ashes in a box or barrel and
then take them down to the cellar. The
first thing you know a live coal in the
ashes sets fire to the barrel, and then
you have an awful lot of smoke that
maybe suffocates somebody.
“Then again, it makes a fire bad for
the fireman to fight, for they cannot lo¬
cate it. It is down a cellar, and the cel¬
lar is filled with smoke. I tell you
the firemen use plenty of ‘cuss’ words
when they are called to a fire like that.
Always put ashes in a tin vessel,” and a
passing car carried the speaker away
toward the quarters of his engine com¬
pany.—JV. T Telegram.
In Breslau, a chimney 54 feet in height
has been constructed entirely of blocks of
paper, joined with a special cement.
The chimney is now uninflammable, and,
by the nature of the material, quite se¬
cure from lightning.
A Pleasure Shared by Women Only.
clared Malherbe, that the gifted French author, de¬
of all things that man possesses,
women alone take plea-urein being possessed.
This seems generally true of the sweeter sex.
Like toe ivy plant, she longs for an object to
cling This to and love—to look to for protection.
be told being that her Dr. prerogative, ought she not to
Pierce’s Favorite Prescription
is the physical salvation of her sex? It
banishes those distressing maladies that make
her life a bur,ten, curing all painful irregular¬
ities, uterine disorders, inflammation and ul¬
ceration, prolapsus and kindred weaknesses.
As a nervine, it cures nervous exhaustion,
and prostration, hypochondria, debility, relieves mental anxiety
and promotes refreshing
sleep.
Even the weakest man is strong enough to
enforce his conviction.
Consumption Surely Cured.
To the Editor:—Please inform your readers
that I have a positive remedy for the above
named disease. By its timely use thousands of
hopeless cases have been permanently cured. I
shall be glad to send two readers bottles who of my ha remedy
fhee to any of your ve con
sumption if they will send me their Express
and P. O. address. Respectfully,
T. A. SLOCUM, M. C.. 181 Pearl St.. N. Y.
There are 392,160 persons in New York city
who do not speak English.
Consumption, Scrol'uln, General
Debility, Wasting Diseases of Children,
Chronic Coughs and Bronchitis, can he cured
by Liver the uee of Scott’.' Emulsion of Pure Cod
Oil with Hypophosphites. Prominent
physicians use it and testify to its great value.
Please read the following: “I used Scott’s Emul¬
sion for an obstinate Cou§:h with Hemorrhage,
Loss of Appetite, Emaciation, Sleeplessness,
<kc. All of these have now left, and 1 believe
your Emulsion has saved a case of well devel¬
oped Lone Star, Consumption.”—T. Texas J. Findley, M.D.,
Farmers and others who have a little leisure
time for the next f*w months will find it their
interest to write to B. F. Johnson & Co., of
I >: c!miond, Va., whose advertisement appears
in another column. They otter great ind uce
merits to persons to work for them all or part
or' tli'eir time.
^JACOBS Oil
RHEUMATISM.
Corroborative ami Conclusive Testimony.
Lowell, Mass., July 9, 1887.
—Gentlemen:--Mr. Lewis Dennis has Jnst called
upon me, and informs me that the boy Orin Robin¬
son, who was a poor cripple on crutches, and wat
cured by St. Jacobs Oil in 1881; the cure has
remained permanent. The young man has beer
and is now at work at manual labor; the cas*
certainly proves the efficacy of St. Jacobs Oil.
DR. GEO. C. OSGOOD, M. D
Sold. by Druggists and Dealers Evcrjnchcre.
Ch.'irlos A. Vo«rolcr Co., Palto.. Md.
$50 Gold the first Watch naming the Given
to person J
shortest book in the Bible b9
f'-rojrmel. 2nd, a $25 Silver
Watch. To next 35, $5 Nicktf
> Watch**. Next 75, eleg int
v-l/El'G iarnct or Persian Hubv set.
4}/ rolled-gold send Rings. 25c.-(silver Ka n per
'/// boo. must for choice -of or
st. mpd, rolled-gold wedding, tine
heavy, and illustrated
or two heart JEWELRY rings, postage CO., on Atlanta, l Georgia. catalogue.
1IAU.T
every county in the Southern States. Such a mancan
make the above amount, handling our goods. No ,uutNs capital
gift: .sii^r^!A^-jy
fiiyMCDQ t* i IV awi. 080
iv bSlVI by bordering for \V:i*!>n of the Scales, Chicago can Scaje save
one-lialf. or other more, useful articles, at lean than wholesale
Co. 1,0110
Lra $100 to $300 Uva^kK
PMr ^i SIrB.T5oHN:
Sol" VMs p ta
SON & CO.. 1013 Main at, Rlchm nil, Va.
CO U3 to $S a day. Samples worth *1.50, FREB
Lines not under the horse's feet, write
BrowRter Safety Relh Holder Co.. Holly, Mich.
Gr ° rtfs*!®?ts'd lb. Pettit’s Eye Self# is
at 25c. a box by dealers.
gaafeg teiiEEi
A rare gift for fbo ladies, Barm
much money aud secure
the best! Every lady
. knows and appreciate*,
A the privilege of luv
jja H Inga ribbon, few handy remnant* for the of
W thousand and ony
tasty and u * e (nr.
B purposes for w hid
I such good s a. *
i;S aK used, and Whir*
[S| they. uae’io Mi U o ladle*
»ui advau
L9i tage. To purebaae
whit i* wanted at
the usual prices
! •old such goods for, would are
create m large bill
of expense, and
therefore debars a
greut many from
indulging their
lea in thi*
direction. Realiz¬ ]]*
ing werer-thousand* that there
r «~
__ thousands of
upon rib
rum non Is of
~ ^1»W04 mBBM ™ boas among t b o
fl W a W B HM tea largo houses tmporiing America
f w v of
which they would
be willing to dispose ofIn bulk, for a small fraction of their cost,
to any one capable of purchasing largely, we instituted a search,
resulting in our obtaining the entire stock of Silk and
Satin Jtilslson Item mints of several of the largest of
these houses, who imported (he finest goods. These goods may
bedepended upon as superior to anything to be found, except
In the very beat stores of America. Yet they are given away
free; nothing like it ever known. A grand benefit for all the •
ladies; beautiful,elegant, choice goods absolutely free. We
have expended thousands of dollars in this direct Ion, and rib cam
oiler a a immensely, varied, and most complete assortment of of -
bon*, in every conceivable shade and width, and all excellent
quality, adapted dress for trimmings, neck-wear, eilk bonnet quilt strings, work, bat etc., trimmings, Some
bows, scarfs, and upwards etc. In length.
of these remnants range three yards
Though remnants, all the patterns are new and late styles, and
may be depended on as beautiful, refined, fashionable etui ele¬
gant. Howto get n box contnining a Complete Free.
Assortment of thess elegnnt ribbons
The .Practical Iloa»ekec|»cr stud Ladies*
Fireside Companion, published monthly to' the by best us, is peri¬ ac¬
knowledged, by those competent world. to judge, be handsomely il¬
odical of the kind in the Very large and
lustrated ; regular price 75cts. per year; aend 35 cents and wo
will send send it it to to you you for fora a trial trial year, year, and will 1 also also send send free free a a
box of >fthe the ribbons; ribbons; 3 2 subscription subscriptions and 2 boxes, U5 cts.; 4
subscriptions and 4 boxes, t. One-cent postage stamps may
be sent for less than $1. Get 3 friends a to join $1; you do thereby it in get- few
ting 4 subscriptions and 4 boxes 1 for o nly can a
minutes. The above offer is based on this this fact .-—tliose wlio read
the periodical referred to, for one year, want w it thereafter, and
pay us the full price for it; it is in after years, and not now,
e make money. We make this great offer in order to
i secure 250,01)0 new subscribers, who, not now, but next
id in year* thereafter, shall reward us with a profit, be
,he majority of them will wish to renew their subscrip
nd will do so. The money required is but a small fraction
price you would have to pay at any store for a much
am ■ assortment of far inferior appreciate ribbons. until Best bargain ever all.
kn _nown; you will not fully it after you sec
6afe delivery guaranteed. Money refunded to any one not per¬
fectly satisfied. Better cut this out, or aend at once, for prob¬
ably it won t appear again. Address, Portland, Maine
H. HALLETT k cO., Publishers,
!S»g
r 4 !
f r 1 t.T
W.L. DOUGLAS
$3 SHOE. F0K
GENTLEMEN.
The only flue calf $3 Senm 1 She e in t’le world
made without tucks or nuils. and At stylish and
durable a; those costing $5 or So, having no
lacks or nails to wear the stocking or h’trfc the feet,
makes them as comfortable ana None well fitting genuine H3 a
han l sewed shoe. Buy the best. un¬
less stamped on bottom “W. L, Douglas $3 Shoe,
wavran anted.”
W. L. DOUGLAS welt 94 SHOE* which the original custom and
only han l sewed $4 shoe, $3. e*iua.s
made shoes costing from $(i to
W. I,. DOUGLAS S*.50 SHOE Is unex¬
celled for heavy wear.
W. I„ DOUGLAS *3 SHOE In is worn worn'. by all
Boys, aud Is the best school shoe the
All the above goods are mode In Congress, dealer, Button welts
and Lace, and If not sdi by your
VV. I,. IMIl iaAS. O-nekfen. Mas,.
o Tho BUYERS’GUIDE is
issued March and Sept.,
each year. It is an ency¬
clopedia of useful infor¬
mation for nil who pur¬
chase the luxuries or the
necessities of life. We
can clothe you and furnish you with
all the necessary and unnecessary
appliances to ride, walk, dance, sleep,
eat, fish, hunt, work, go to church,
or stay at home, and in various sizes,
styles and quantities. Just figure out
what is required to do all theso things
COMFORTABLY, and you can make a fair
estimate of the value of the BUYERS’
GUIDE, which will be sent upon
receipt of 10 cents to pay postage,
MONTGOMERY WARD & CO.
111-114 Michigan Avenue, Chicago, III.
CURE'tkDEAF Pock’s Patbnt Imfrovxd Cushions©
E*a Dxvvb Perfectly Restore the
Hearing,whether the deafness Is caused
by cold*, fever* or injuries to the natural
% m imsmegB dram*. in podtloa. Invisible, Music, comfortable, conversation, always wills
HERBRAND FIFTH WHEEL. iSttSSSR
Improvement. HERB HAND CO., IrMuont, O.
A. N. U........ • 1 It* ..........Fifteen, ]86