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KNOXVILLE JOURNAL
KNOXVILLE. GEORGIA.
Hie Cincinnati Price Currant- makes
the wheat crop of the L T njted States 400,-
600,000 measured bushels and 375,000,-
600 by weight.
The Detroit Free Press says that North
Carolina alone is caring for 1000 colored
people afflicted with insanity, and every
other Southern State has its hands full.
In almost every case it is the light¬
hearted, lazy fellow who loses his mind,
■while the hard workers grow brighter
each year.
The age at which most suicides take
place in this country according to the Chi¬
cago Herald, is thirty-five. It would seem
that in early middle life the disappointed
hopes are most keen and the effects of
an ill-spent youth most disastrous. At
thirty-five many Americans feel the
wearisomeness of old age.
Baron Albert Rothschild has pur¬
chased the largest mirror telescope that
has been gonstructed at Paris for $20,000,
and presented it to the Vienna Observa¬
tory. A gallery for it has also been
built and endowed by the Baron. The
total cost of this scientific gift will
amount more than $40, OuO.
Mr. Herbert Ward, the African ex
plorer, met Mr. Stanley and his followers
as they were setting out on their present
expedition 1 after Emin Bey. y “I never,” .’
, he ... “in life struck . , with
says, my was so
any sight as with Stanley’s caravan on
the march. Egyptians, Soudanese, So¬
malis, Zanzibaris and others, 000 strong.
It took me two hours to pass them.”
The Baltimore Manufacture rs' Record
states that the new enterprises started
in the South during the first six months
of 1888 number 2023, against 1885 for
the corresponding time last year. The
amount of capital and capital stock rep¬
resented by the list of new enterprises
and the enlargement of old plants for
the first six months of 1883 is $81,508,
000.
1
Some men ought to have been born
tigers, declares the New York Herald.
Jim Shakelford, of Dog Branch, Tenn.,
is one of them. He ordered his daugh¬
ter, twelve years old, to bring a pail of
water. She lingered too long, so the
tiger heat her with a piece of plank.
She died of the wounds and the people
are making remarks about the lynch
law. Home, sweet, sweet home.
According to the official estimates oi
the United States Bureau of Statistics
there were 130,000,000 tons of coal
consumed in the United States last year.
The amount of coal displaced by the use
of natural gas is put at 0,000,000, and
yet the consumption of coal in 1887 ex¬
ceeds that of 1886 by 17,182,154 tons.
These figures show at what an astonish¬
ing rate industrial development is going
on in this country.
Some time ago the experiments they
were making in France on the effect of
the Lebel projectiles upon human bodies
were noted. It will be remembered,
pays Public Opinion, that unclaimed
corpses from the public mortuaries and
hospitals were set up and shot at. Drs.
Chauvel and Ximiort now announce that
in future warfare with the Lebel rifle
the surgeons will not be perplexed by
having to extract balls from wounded
soldiers. These projectiles pass through
the body, bones and all, even when fired
at a distance from 1800 to 2000 metres
j(1880 to 2200 yards). ,, ---------
BUDGET OF FUN.
1 HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
various sources.
A Cannibal Idyl—Value Received—
Educational Item—A Reader
of Character—Early or
Late, Etc., Eta
A cannibal maiden loved too well
A missionary good.
And he loved her, but dare not tell
His love—for thus it stood:
A cannibal she and a clergyman he,
And their creeds were wide apart;
And how could he take, for a sentiment’s
A sake,
cannibal to his heart?
For Ob, ’twas a problem vexing, very,
the cannibal maid and the missio nary—
Indeed it was.
But the cannibal maiden’s love grew bold,
For she was a simple thing;
And thus her love to her love she told;
“Oh, marry me! Be my kingl
For I love you, my sweet, well enough—oh,
to eat!
’Tis a terrible thing, I know;
But I must be your bride, or encompass you
fried—
Oh, Oh, I must, for I love you so!”
’twas a problem vexing, very,
To the maiden, but more to the missionary—
Indeed it was.
He looked in the depths of her dark brown
e F es ».
With their wealth of Jove and trust,
And he cried, in the flush of a glad sur
“Ah, prise:
They well, if I must, I must!”
were wed on that dav; for ’tis ever the
That way
And happier passion must conquer creed.
To a discover—it pair it’s remarkably rar
is indeed!
And so ’twas settled nicely, very,
For the cannibal maid and the missionary—
Indeed it was.
—Chicago Mail.
, Value Received.
Wife—“The laundry-man didn’t get a
^*is very good polish on your shirt-bosoms
; weu k, George.”
Husband “Well, it’s as good a polish
as I could expect tor the $1.481 owe
him » j u jg e
Educational Item.
First Student—“You haven’t got
idea of what a contemptible opinion 1
have of our professor.”
Second Student—“Humph! I guess
that’s the reason you didn’t answer any
of the questions he asked you yesterday
at the recitation. ”—Fliegende Hlaetter.
A Reader of Character.
Mendicant—“Please help a poor blind
man:
Kind Old lady—“Blind? Why, bless
me, yes; there’s a dime for you.”
Mendicant — “Thank, ye, heartily,
ma’am. I knowed the miunit I see ye
cornin’ ye was a kind-hearted ole’ ooman.”
— Epoch.
Early or Late.
Mamma (the next morning).—“Edith,
my dear, I don’t think you should have
such late callers. Mr. Simpkins stayed
here until after eleven last night!”
call Edith—“Why,mamma! him late How can you
a caller? I’m sure it was
only a few minutes after seven whet) he
called!— Puck.
Too High a Valuation.
Customer (to bird fancier)—“My wife
wants a parrot. What’s the lowest you
will take for that bird?”
Bird Fancier—“Fifty dollars, sir, is
rock bottom.”
Parrot—“Come off,you’ve tried to sell
me for twenty 1”— Life.
A Tender-Hearted Millionaire.
A tramp calls on a rich banker and
describes his sufferings so graphically
that ously, the rings banker, for his shetfding tears copi¬
servant, and in a
voice choked with sobs, says;
“Fire this tramp out into the street.
He makes my heart be-be-bleed. Bo-ho
ho !”—Sij tings.
Both Saddest When He Sings.
Mr. Sampson (finishing song)—“Do
you know, Miss Smith, that I am always
saddest when I sing?”
Miss Smith (gently)—“I feel very
much that way myself, Mr. Sampson.”
Mr. Sampson—“Ah, then you, too,
sing sometimes?”
Miss Smith—“No, I never sing.”—
Times.
A Careful Mother.
Bad Little Boy (to good little boy)—
hand “Hey, Johnny, doesyer wan’ ter take a
in de ball game?”
Good Little Boy—“No, I thank you;
my mamma doesn’t allow me to play
with bad boys.”
Bad Little Boy—“What’s de matter—
does ycr ma t’ink you’ll make de bad
boys wuss?”— Life.
Not to be Considered.
Friend—“I hear, Charley, that the
pretty Miss Argyle is engaged.”
Charley (with a gasp;—“Engaged 1
Great Scott, Fred, I love that girl my¬
self
Friend — “I got it straight. The en¬
gagement was made at Saratoga last
August.”
It Charley (relieved)—“Thank heaven!
won’t count .”—New York Sun.
Crushed Ropes.
“And what answer do you make to my
appeal?” he asked, as he knelt at her
feet.
“James, I will be frank with you,” she
murmured.
“Oh, speak,” he implored, “and re¬
lieve me from this agony of suspense.”
“Then let me say it cannot be.”
“Why not?”
“Because, James, I do not feel able to
support a husband. ”—Boston Courier.
Will Re Back Presently.
Mrs. Hendricks was making an after¬
noon call on, Mrs. Hobson, when Mr.
Hobson opened the front gate and strode
down the street.
“What a very fine-looking man your
husband is, Mrs. Hobson,” said Mrs.
Hendricks; “so erect aud soldierly in
his bearing.”
“Ves,” returned Mrs. Hobson, not
without pride, “Hobson carries himself
well. He was educated in a military
school, you know.”
“Is he going away?”
“Only to the grocer’s for a cod-fish.”
— Epoch.
Wanted a Record for Silence.
“Mildred,” said he, while his larynx
quivered with tremulous pathos, “have
I offended you?”
“No, George, you have not.”
“Then why are you so silent?”
“Do not ask me.”
“But darling, thinjr, you have spoken
scarcely twenty words in the last hour. I
cannot bear the gloomy quiet. Why do
you not speak ( Why do’ you not talk?”
“Because, George, I want fame. I am
a woman and I am trying to make a
record. ”—Merchant Traveler.
She Was Too Modest to Ask.
“John,” she said, as she toyed with
one of his coat buttons, “this is leap
year, isn’t it?”
“Yes, Mamie,” he answered, as he
looked fondly down on her golden head
that was pillowed on his manly bosom,
says the Pittsburg Post.
“This is the year when the proposing
is done by the young ladies?”
“Yes.”
“I hope you don’t expect me to propose
to you?” ,
“Why, Mamie, dear, I never gave the
matter truth, I’ve a thought—1—er—to —to tell the
only known you for—that is
to say-”
“I’m glad you didn’t expect me to
propose. I m not that kind, I hope.
No, John, dearest, I couln’t be so im¬
modest. I am going to let you do the
proposing yourself in the old-fashioned
way. The old-fashioned way is good
enough for me. ”
And the gentle maiden gave her lover
rejoiced a beaming smile, had found and yet the youth
that he such a treasure
of modesty.
A Responsive Parrot.
Once upon a time, as they say in fairy
stories, a wicked Major in the United
States Army crossed the Atlantic in d
steamer. In the next room to his was a
spinster, of a certain age, wicked. as thoroughly
good as the Major accompanied was Both of
them were by parrots of
large conversasional power. England The Major
was it taking friend a parrot the to English to present
to a in Army; the
spinster apparently had brought along
the bird as a travelling companion.
Both birds vere exceptionally clever
linguists, but their schools. talents had been
molded in opposite The Major’s
bird swore like a trooper most ot the
time, while the spinster’s was given to
praying with forty-parson power. And,
to make matters worse, the Major spent
a day in the forecastle with his bird
teaching it to objurgate the old woman
in the next cabin. The consequence was
that the next evening the spinster was
astonished to hear a voice stridently say:
Confound that old woman next door!”
But how can her disgust be pictured
when her own bird, devoutly Litany, quoting
from the Episcopal replied:
“Good Lord, beseech Thee V hew
we to
fist ”;—New York Tribune.
Matrimonial Item.
An old German played it rough oh his
son-in-law. He had frequently stated
that he was going to give his daughter
$20,000 after she was married. Although
she was as homely as a stone fence and
on the shady side of thirty-five, she had
lovers three times three, and finally she
gathered in a good-looking young repro¬
bate. After they had been married
about a month it occurred to the young
member that a motion to take up the
appropriation he bill would be in order.
When had succeeded in making his
solid old father-in-law comprehend the
situation, the old gentleman ostenta¬
tiously shelled out a whole dollar.
The young husband still lingered as if
he was waiting for the performance to
go on, but the old man rang down the
curtain by saying: “Ya, I give dot $20,
000, but not all at vonct. I pays you
won dollar every year.”
“So I won’t get all that money, until
the year A. D. 21,884.”
“Ya, ya, der vas blenty times: don’t
be in a hurry my dear poy. "—Siftings.
Shoes Have Kicked Out Boots.
“The evolution of the shoe,” said
Bryan McSwyny to a New York Sun
man, “furnishes an interesting subject
for consideration. Sixteen years ago you
couldn’t find a shoe in the stores of this
city. The shops were filled with boots.
Now you cannot get a boot except
through a special order. The shoe was
brought into general use by the retail
traders. Next the manufacturers took
has to manufacturing been entirely superseded shoes until the boot
by the shoe.
The first style of shoe constituted was
the congress gaiter. It was ludicrous to
witness the attempts of those who had
been accustomed to wearing boots when
they tried to put on a congress gaiter.
Gradually the congress gaiter was super¬
seded by the button and the laced shoe.
The latter is more generally worn at the
present day than any other style. Wheu
O’Leary, the pedestrian, walked his
famous match with Weston at Chicago,
he wore boots, and as a consequence he
lost four toe nails. But'in his next con¬
test he wore laced shoes, and when the
week was ended his feet were in prime
condition. There used to be an old idea
that bootlegs helped to keep the lower
limbs warm, and that they also assisted
in supporting the ankles. These falla¬
cies, however, were disproved when the
shoe came into general use. It was
found that all that was necessary to in¬
sure warmth was to keep the ankle warm.
In order to achieve this result the gaiter
tops were invented. But laterexperience
has demonstrated that even these were
unnecessary in order to obtain this re¬
sult. No,” continued Mr. McSwyny. as
he looked around at his well-filled
shelves, “I have $30,000 worth of shoes
on hand, but not one pair of leather
boots. The only calls I have for boots
come from those who are going into the
wiids of Texas or some new country, or
from some old-fashioned man to whom
boots are a necessity from early habit.”
Always Say “Arkahnsah.”
The proper pronunciation of “Arkan¬
sas” is “Arkahnsah,” accented on tha
first and last syllables. This was the
old Indian pronunciation, which the
early French traders expressed in letters
as “Arkansas.” The French a is always
broad, and the final s is silent; so
“Arkansas” to the French was pro.
nounced “Arkahnsah.” Congress spelled
the name, in the act organizing tha
Territory, “Arkansaw,” and for some
years the name continued to be so
spelled. pronunciation, Finally, as original every one knew tha
the spelling was
brought again into use. Tiien, however,
came a people who knew not the history
or the pronuncirtion of the word, wh«
called it “Arkanzass,” with the accent
on the second syllable; and this mis¬
pronunciation throve, the and State was Historical accepted
and by many. In 1880
the Eclectic Societies jointly in¬
ciation, vestigated and the name and its the pronun¬
on their report, sub¬
stance of which is given above, the
Legislature of the State decided that the'
legal pronunciation was “Arkahnsah.”—
New York Sun.
Washington’s “Pretty Little Frisk.’
General Greene of the Continental
army, wrote to General Wadsworth
March 10, 1779: “We had a little dance
at my quarters a few evenings past. Hi«
Excellency (Generis! George Washing¬ of
ton) and Mrs. Greene danced upward
three hours without sitting down. Upon
the whole, we had a pretty little frisk,"
