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INOIMLK
KNOXVILLE, GE ORGLA.
The railroads have h: mlocl ten per
cent, more freight than they did last
year.
The Augusta (Ga.) Ch. ,vnicle denies
that there is such a race a » the Scotch
Irish.
There are 7.73 per cent. < >f the people
of Massachusetts who can neither read
nor write._______ _
During nineteen years "310 amendments
to the Constitution have beer t introduced,
but only three have been :ut' *pU%l.
sl'-Li b;
London papers devoted const iderabl
space to the American centenni al pro
ceedings, and their tone was oue of're¬
spect for this country.
Oyster pirating! along .the shore: s ol
Maryland and Virginia has at length 1 >eeu
broken up, but it took some hard km )cks
and a great deal of money to do it.
The Hon. W. C. P. Breckinridge, of
Kentucky, is to deliver the address :vt the
dedication of the national monument to
the forefathers at Plymouth, Mass-, ci'
Aueiust
Says the Chicago Sun: There are not
a few sharp and far-seeing business men
who say that the United States is on tho
eve of the greatest railroad enterprise
ever known.
There has been so much sickness in
Trego County, Kan., that tho Probate
Judge canceled all the druggists’ permits
in the county-, hoping in that way to mend
the general health.
Three times as much coal as ever be¬
fore was imported into St. Petersburg
last year, anti a Russian Government com¬
mission is investigating the Russian
mines to find out yffiat ails them.
America can take in 2,000,000,000
more comers, remarks the hospitable
CMcago Herald, and find room for all to
v build homes and make gardens. We
haven’t settled a hundredth part of the
country yet.
The Detroit Free Press asserts that
Chicago has set itself to absorb enough ol
its suburbs to advance to the third place
among American municipalities,
the next census. Owners of small
in Illinois now take them in at night.
The people of New York arg discuss¬
ing the proposition to hold a Worlds
Fair in the Metropolis ia 1892, the 400tb
anmversary of the discovery of America
by Columbus. Many prominent mer¬
chants of the Mg city favor the idea.
. The Canadian Government has givet
40,000,000 acres of land to railroads, and
is willing to give more, but, states the
New York Graphic, “emigrants prefer
Urnted States land and can scarcely be
induced to remain in the Dominion.”
England gets most of its ice now from
Norway, Scandinavian competition hav¬
ing almost entirely destroyed the business
of sMpping ice from Boston to England,
which was once very profitable. Ice is
sold in London for from fifty-eight to
eighty-one cents per hundred weight.
The thirty picked men from the marine
corps, who have been sent over to Paris
to act as a guard in protecting the Ameri
can exhibit, are said to represent the
flower and pride of the marine corps, ali
being native Americans of good record,
martial bearing and soldierly deportment.
A number of important inventions are
coming out. One recently tested is an
earth wMch preserves whatever it sur¬
rounds for an indefinite period. Em¬
balming can be done, it is said, as it used
to be done in Egypt, and food can be
kept for years. The clay comes cheap.
The doctors are deeply interested in it.
Samoa, wMch is attracting so much at¬
tention now, is generally regarded as a
savage island, but a large proportion of
the people are Christians. A missionary
says: 4 ‘I would guarantee to take the
first twenty men, women and children
that I should meet with in Samoa, and I
would back them in Bible knowledge
against any twenty I should meet in this
country.”
In Findlay, OMo, there are few houses
to rent, and rents are high, This fact
prohably suggested to three young men
■of that place the brilliant scheme of get¬
ting a monopoly of the rentable houses
and making a handsome “spec” in a
legal way. During January and February
they quietly leased all the houses they
could secure upon such terms as gave
them full control and the power to sub¬
let, and on May 1 advanced the rents
four or five dollars-a month. People had
to have houses to live in, so the scheme
of the young house Trust worked just as
would.
PEGGING AWAY.
Oh! well I remember the clustering faces
That in wonderment peered through the
shoemaker's door
When, to sound of his whistle and tap of his
hammer,
He often regaled us with bits of his lore;
As often he’d say, with a nod that was
• -knowing,
And a smile that was bright as tho sweet
summer day:
“I tell you what, lads, there’s nothing
worth having
But what you must get it by pegging away.
“You may run the swift race and be
counted the victor,
And yet you but get there a step at a time;
And up the steep ladder where Fame keeps
her laurels.
If you want to get one you must certainly
clifhb.
The world, it is only a broad piece of leather,
We must shape it ourselves to our last as
we may;
And we only can do it, my lads, as I tell
you,
By pressing and moulding and pegging
away.”
Oh! the years have been long, and tho shoe¬
maker's vanished;
Adown the dark road we must jburney
alone;
But I often think of the wisdom hid under
His whimsical jest and his fatherly tone.
And often I’ve proved the truth of his say¬
ing,
As misfortune and I together still stray,
That all the best gifts the world has to offer
It only gives those who keep pegging away.
—The Advance.
A DETECTIVE’S LUCK
If I had the selection of a corps of de¬
tectives I should pick out men who are
known as lucky. Certain men are thus
characterized, and the term properly be¬
longs to them. Certain men are unlucky,
and the term also properly belongs to them.
I have worked alongside officers who were
as sharp and keen as men ever became,
who were persevering and tireless, who
had the pluck of a warrior and the re¬
liance of a slave, aud yet they were
“down on their luck,” as the spying
goes; that is, the big things passed them
by and fell into the hands of others. In
detective work one must have courage
and judgment. He must know human
nature pretty well. He must be fairly
shrewd and sharp. If he is working a
blind trail the rest must be left to luck.
And the luck and ill-luck of detective
life is something wonderful. The luck
we hear of every day. The ill-luck is
suppressed as much as possible. In the
month of June, 1867, I was spending a
few days with relatives of mine on a farm
near Oberlin, Ohiq. I had been in de¬
tective business about five years. We got
no newspapers at the farm, and I had
received a letter for ten days, and had
heard the least bit of news from the
side world, when uncle and I drove
the town one day. On the way in I
out of the wagon and picked up a copy
a Cleveland paper which was lying on
highway. The first thing I saw was
account Of a murder at Peru, Indiana,
several days’ before. An old man
been murdered and robbed of a
amount of money. Not the slightest
of the murderer had been discovered.
one could say whether he was old
young, white or black, or which way
he had gone. It seemed a hopeless
and I felt a bit sorry for the two
officers who had been sent for to
the case tout.
The first call I made after
Oberlin was at the Postoffice. I
visited a barber shop, but the two
were occupied, and I had to wait
ten minutes. Having nothing to
my mind, I lpoked the two barbers
in detail, and then turned my
to the customer in the nearest chair.
began at his feet first.- He wore No.
gaiters, and they were a new pair; in
deed, they had never been blackened,
His trousers were frayed about the
tom, and, as I came to look closer, I saw
that they were old and threadbare. On
the left leg, which was nearest me,
tween the knee and the ankle, were several
stains. They might have been made
either blood or acid. When the man
up straight after his shave I saw that
coat was also old, and I looked over to
hat on the hook to find it very rusty. The
barbers were not speaking to either of the
men, so that both must be strangers in
thetown. My man had reddish hair,
which he had had clipped close before
came in. His neck was sunburned and
dirty, and, after looking him over from
toe to crown, I said to myself:
1 ‘This chap lias all the looks of a pro
fessional tramp, that suit w r as probably
given him, but ten to one he stole tnose
gaiters. Wonder if he can scrape up
enough to pay the barber.”
Ihe bill was thirty-five cents. The
man gave me a furtive look as he got out
of the chair, and while being brushed he
felt in his pockets for change. He had
two ten-cent shinplasters, but as these
were uot enough he half turned from me
and fished a greenback out of his pocket,
The barber had to go out to change it.
and the man was so impatient and ncr
vous that lie could not stand still. When
the barber returned he had tlje change for
twenty-dollar note. He began to count
it out, but the stranger muttered his con¬
fidence that it was all right, and reached
out for the pile aud crammed it into his
vest pocket. He was about to go, when
I rose up and said:
“My friend, I want to have a few
words with you, if you are not in a big
hurry.
“But I am!” he replied, trying to push
past me without looking me in the face.
“But you’ll have to wait just the same.
I want to know who you are.”
“There was a hack door to the shop.
He wheeled and sprang for it, but it was
locked. As he turned on me again he
pulled a revolver from , his bosom and
leveled it on me, and fired a shot which
went over my head and through the win
Mm Jp w -. jammed Before he could fire agaifl I had
hold of the against the wall,- one hand
weapon and the other on Ms
throat, and I choked him until he sank
down in a heap. Who did he turn out
to be? The Indiana murderer who had
been dodging about the country for six
days, and who had run the gauntlet of a
hundred officers. It was blood on his
trousers, though we did not have to
prove it, as he made a full confession. It
was simply my good luck. It was simply
the ill luck of two Cleveland detectives
who reached Oberlin two hours too late.
About fifteen years ago, while eon
nected with the force in Chicago, a
jewelry $12,000 house on State street was robbed
of worth of jewelry. Aside
from this there was a package of Govern
ment which bonds bad amounting to over $17,000,
been deposited in the safe for
security. The robbery was committed
by professional cracksmen, who left
tools behind but no clue. I was at this
time at Bowling Green, Kentucky, after a
counterfeiter, and I read an account of
the robbery in a Louisville paper. It
wasn’t my job, and I didn’t give it any
particular thought. I had traced a no
torious counterfeiter down into Ken¬
tucky and located him at Bowling Green.
At least, I traced him to that town, but
there I lost the trail for a few days. I
got a false clue, which led me down to
Franklin, and when I started to return I
took an accommodation train. It was at
night, and there was but one coach on
the train, and that contained only five
passengers besides myself. Three of these
were natives, sure enough, while the
other two talked about a coal mine in
Tennesseee, and seemed to own land in
that State. I gave them little attention,
being three seats in the rear, and was
talking with the conductor on general
matters, when the two men suddenly be¬
came interested in something one of them
held in his hand. Their heads were to
’gether, and they were evidently deeply
interested, when the report of a pistol
was heard, followed by a cry of agony
and a yell of alarm. The object of their
curiosity was a derringer, and it had ac¬
cidentally been discharged, the bullet
entering the leg of one of the men just
above the knee. In his pain and fright
the wounded man sprang up, and turned
fiercely on the other, with the exclama¬
tion :
“Curse you, but you did that on pur¬
pose! You wanted all the swag to your¬
self.”
The conductor and I were beside them
in a minute. The wounded man fell
back on the seat, and he evidently re¬
gretted the break he had made a few sec¬
onds before, for he said, as we came up;
“Tom,old fellow, I had my own finger
on the trigger, and pulled it off. You are
not a bit to blame.”
“But what about the ‘swag?’ I de¬
manded, as I stood over them.
“He meant our coal mine,” replied the
one called Tom.
“Yes; we are partners in a coal mine,”
added the wounded man.
“Oil! that’s it? Well, let’s see what
can be done for you.”
It was a bad wound—so bad that I
knew his leg would have to come off, as
the big bullet bad shattered the bone,
and I suggested to the conductor that he
make as fast time as he dared to Bowling
Green, where medical attendance could
be had. To my surprise the men asked
to be put off at some highway crossing,
near a farm house, saying that a country
doctor could manage the case well
enough, and that the quietness of the
country would be the best for the patient,
This satisfied me that they were suspic
ious characters,and I assumed the author
ity to remove the one and handcuff him
to a seat at the rear of the coach, and to
search both. The one had a revolver and
the other the derringer, and before I was
] through searching I brought to light all
the stolen bonds and jewelry. It was
sheer luck again. Four of our men were
out on their trail, but on false scents,
They were supposed to have gone East,
while I picked them up in the Sguth.
The fellow who was shot not only lost his
leg but his life. The other was returned
to Chicago, and ho received a long sen
tence for his crime. There was a great
j deal of but newspaper didn’t talk about my shrewd
ness, I deserve a word of
, praise. The case simply came to me.
1 The ripe fruit dropped into my hands,
j matter Things what fall that business way to he a is lucky engaged man, in. no
One of the bits of luck which fell to
me several years ago, and which was much
talked about at the time, came about in
a very singular way, I had been sent
down to Augusta, Arkansas, to identify a
man who had been arrested there,and was
supposed to be a robber wanted to' In Chi
cago. He did not prove be the man
we hoped he was,and I was making ready
to return when a resident of the town,
who was an old acquaintance of mine, put
forward a speculation. He had just pur
chased a saw mill a few miles down White
River, and he believed there was big
money to be made in buying a large tract
of timber continguous to the mill. This
tract was for sale at a very low figure, but
my friend could not raise the cash. The
result of our talk was that we took a boat
next morning and were left at the mill
landing. While he was overseeing some
change of machinery I started out to get
some idea of the value of the timber. The
first thing I knew I was lost in the forest,
and I did just what all other people do
under the circumstances—headed the
wrong way. Instead of going toward the
river, I went away from it. It was in
July, and although the mosquitoes nearly
devoured me, there was no danger of suf¬
fering from the inclemency of the weather.
It was about 10 o’clock in the morning
when I started out, and by mid-afternoon
I had walked at least ten miles, and knew
that I was entirely bewildered. I couldn’t
keep a staight course for the creeks and
swamps, and the day was so cloudy and
the forest so dense that there was no
sighting the sun to guide me. It was
just 5 o’clock in the afternoon when I
reached a good-sized stream, and the first
tMng I saw was an old house boat tied to
the bank. There was smoke coming out
of a stovepipe thrust through the roof,
and I congratulated myself that I had
reached shelter and something to eat.
There was a plank reaching from boat to
shore, and I ascended it and entered the
cabin unannounced. * A white man and a
negro were seated in the rude room, and
a fire ha5 just been kindled in the cook
stove. There was a door at the other side
of the boat. It stood wide open, and the
instant the men caught sight of me both
sprang for the door. In the rush they
bumped iuto each other and both rolled
to the floor. The white man was the
quicker of the two ; and while I stood
looking and wondering he scrambled up
and flung himself into the water and
swam to the opposite shore.
“Doan’t shoot! For de Lawd’s sake
doan’t kill me!” yelled the negro, as he
rolled over and over on the floor,
“What does this mean?” I demanded,
“It means dat I surrenders!” he re
plied.
“Very well. Now sit up and tell me
who you are and what you are doing
here.”
“I had to come along, boss. I didn’t
want to, but dey said dey would dun
kill me,”
“Who owns this boat?”
“Why, dat Harding gang, in co’se.”
“Aud what are you doing here?”
“Dun hidin’ out, I spose.”
I was so stupid that I did not realize
what luck had come to me until the negro
gave it away. Then I secured him against
escape and searched the boat, and in that
old hulk I found over $6000 worth of dry
goods, clothing, boots and shoes, jewelry,
hardware and other stuff, the proceeds of
a dozen big robberies along the river.
There was a gang of four men engaged in
the work, and the negro was their cook.
The boat was hidden away in a branch of
the White River to wait for a rise of water
to get down the Mississippi, and three of
the gang were ofiE that day to spot a
country store some seven miles distant.
The negro and I stood guard all night,
for I soon found that I could trust him,
but if the fellows returned to the neighbor¬
hood wc did not see them. Next day we
got the boat down to the mill, which was
hardly four miles away, and from thence
she was taken to Clarendon and the goods
returned to their owners,as far as possible.
The robbers were all identified by name
and person by the' negro, and within a
few weeks were either captured and sent
to prison or run into the swamp and shot
down .—New Yorl Sun.
WISE WORDS.
Earnestness is the path to immortality.
FriendsMp is the highest degree of
perfection in society.
• There is no better excess in the world
than the excess of gratitude.
Politeness is as natural to delicate na¬
tures as perfume is to flowers.
Bring your will to your fate, and suit
your mind to your circumstances.
The surest way to please is to forget
one’s self aud to think only of others.
Shuu idleness; it is the rust that at¬
taches itself to the most brilliant metals.
No principle is more noble, as there is
none more holy, than that of a true
obedience.
There is a power a hundred times more
powerful than that of bayonets; it is the
power of ideas.
If we had no defects we should nol
take so much pleasure in discovering
those of others.
We know the value of a fortune when
we have gained it, and that of a friend
when we have lost it.
Those who seelj happiness in ostenta¬
tion and dissipation arc like those who
prefer the light of a candle to the splendor
of the sun.
A weapon is anything that can serve to
wound; and sentiments are perhaps the
most cruel weapons man can employ to
wound his fellow man.
Nothing sharpens the arrow of sarcasm
so keenly as the courtesy that polishes it.
No reproach is like that we clothe with a
smile and present with a bow,
A homely man of merit is never re¬
pulsive. As soon as he is named his
physique is forgotten; the mind passes
through it to see the soul.
Thinkers are as scarce as gold; but ho
whose thought embraces all his subjects,
who pursues it uninterruptedly and fear J
less of consequences, is a diamond of enor¬
mous size.
Signals Among Primitive Races.
R. Andrec has lately been collecting in¬
formation as to the use of signals by primi¬
tive peoples, and the facts ho has brought
together are summarized in Science. It
appears that American Indians use rising
smoke to give signals to distant friends.
A small fire is started, and as soon as it
burns fairly well grass and leaves are
heaped on the top of it. Thus a large
column of steam and smoke arises. By
covering the fire with a blanket the In¬
dians interrupt the rising of the smoke at
regular intervals, and the successive clouds
are used for conveying messages.
Recently attention has been called to
the elaborate system of drum signals used
by the Cameroon negroes, by means of
which long messages are sent from vil¬
lage to village. Explorations in the Congo
basin have shown that this system prevails
throughout Central Africa. The Bakuba
use large wooden drums, on wMeh differ¬
ent tones arc produced by drumsticks^
Sometimes the natives “converse” in this
way for hours, and from the energy dis¬
played by the drummers, aud the rapidity
of the successive blows, it seemed that the
conversation was very animated.
The Galla, south of Abyssinia, have
drums stationed at certain points of the
roads leading to the neighboring States.
Special watchmen are appointed, who
have to beat the drum on the approach of
enemies. Ceoehi, who observes this cus¬
tom, designated it as a “system of tele¬
graphs.” The same use of drums is found
in New Guinea. From the rhythm and
rapidity of the blows the natives know at
once whether an attack, a death, or a
festival is announced. The same tribes
use columns of Smoko or (at friends. night) fires to
convoy messages to distant The
latter are also used in Australia. Columns
of smoke of different forms are used for
signals by the inhabitants of Cape York
aiid the neigboring island.
In Victoria hollow trees are filled with
fresh leaves, which are lighted. The
signals thus made are understood by
friends. In eastern Australia the move¬
ments of a traveler are made known by
columns pf smoke, and so was the dis¬
covery of a whale ia Portland bay. .
GATHERING BLACK PEARLS,
A THRIVING INDUSTRY ON TER
PACIFIC COAST.
How the Gems are Taken From the
Ocean’s Depths toy Divers—Value
of the Pearls.
There are probably few jewelers who
handle the beautiful black pearls which
are sent all over the world from the Pacific
coast who have any idea of the extent of
the pearl fisheries or the methods of the
fishing. They are situated on the eastern
shores of the Gulf of California, from
Cape St. Lucas to the mouth of the
Colorado River, taking in about fifteen
hundred miles of coast, including the
gulf islands; they also extend from
Maxatlan to la Barra de Ocoz. That is
the boundary line between the Republics
ofi Gautemala and Mexico, a distance of
two thousand miles, making a grand total
of thirty-five hundred miles, These
fisheries have just been confirmed to
Messrs. H. Levison and Juan Hidalgo,
the Pearl Shell Company, by special fran¬
chise from the Mexican Government.
They were first discovered some three
centuries ago by the famous Cortez when
he crossed from Acapulco to Santa Cruz,
Lower California. He took possession of
the fisheries, and sent a number of fine
pearls requiring to the of Queen all fishers of Spain, that one-tenth subsequently of
all they found must go to the Blessed
Virgin and one-tenth to the King of
Spain. After being worked intermit¬
tently, one Juan Ossio really opened up
the business again about 150 years ago
with great success, taking from three
hundred to five hundred pounds of pearls
a year, and actually packing them on
mules and selling them by the bushel.
The shells were all brought up by head
divers, and the pearls taken from them
were so plentiful as to be worth compara¬
tively small amounts. The heavy drain
had the effect Of rapidly diminishing the
supply, and it is only of late years that
fishing has again been carried on system¬
atically.
The fishing season lasts from May 1 to
November 15, and is mostly done at
depths of from ten to sixteen fathoms, in¬
stead of as formerly at depths of from
three to six fathoms. All the men em¬
ployed are big, powerful Mexicans, and
every diver has five assistants. Regular
diving suits and apparatus imported from
London and Paris are used, though some
300 head divers are also engaged. The
latter, as their class implies, dive in head
first and wear no clothes of any sort.
Their operations, however, are confined to
depths of from three to • at most ten
fathoms,
•Four men work the air pumps for the
suited diver and the fifth attends to the
life line, hauling up the diver and letting
him down, as well as hoisting up the nets
or baskets full of shells and lowering the
empty ones. The {jump men are fed and
housed, and receive $15 a mouth. The
life-line man $JJ5 is similarly looked after, and
receives a month, and finally the
diver receives $4>5 a month, plus one
tenth of all that he brings up, netting him
as high as $500 a month, if he is lucky.
The hours of actual fishing are from 6 a.
m. to 1 v. m. Connected with each fish¬
ing party is a schooner of from sixty to
200 tons burden and two or three small
boats. The men live on the schooner the
entire six months.
The shells containing the pearls vary
in diameter from two to eight inches, six
being about an average size. They are
found on hard rocks or on sandstone at
the bottom of the sea, usually in bunches
together holding on to the rocks by a
sort of sucker, which I believe the scien¬
tists call a foot, the circular portion being
up and the shells usually a little open.
The oysters are vertical, not lying on the
flat, Each diver has a knife with which
he cuts a bunch loose and places them in
a basket or net by his side, which is
hoisted up when full, an empty one de¬
scending at the same time.
Occasionally a man will work “below”
all day, and what he sends up will eontaifi
no $10,000 pearls at all; at others there will be
worth in as few as twenty shells.
The largest and finest black pearls, for it
is the black pearls which are the specialty
of these fisheries, weigh from thirty to
forty-five and even sixty karats each. A
pearl of three karats which is perfect in
beauty, color and shape may be worth
$200, but very slight defects will reduce
the price to one-tenth of that sum. The
best black pearls ever found in the world
come from these fisheries, though pea¬
cock, green, blue and white ones are also
found. In shape they vary very much,
being sometimes spherical, at others pear
shaped, egg-shaped, like a little round
loaf, conical or like a wax match.
A Rascal’s Electric Dice Table.
A novel application of electricity has
.
been made by a saloon keeper at Port
Costa. His wonderful success with dice
at length aroused the suspicion of the
authorities, and on an examination being
made, a steel plate was found connected
with an electric battery beneath, so that
a current could be applied whenever the
ingenious devotee of science wanted to
shake high, by pressing his knee against
aknob. The dice were, of course, loaded,
and would work very well without the
battery, but when the current was applied
the sixes invariably came out on top.
The enterprising saloon keeper is said to
have realized $1800 by his clever rascal¬
ity .—Commercial Advertiser.
The Pretzel’s Era.
The pretzel, which for many years has
only been associated with elderly Germans
carrying baskets, have of late come into
prominence as a staple article of com¬
merce, the rival of the cracker and the
biscuit, and its family consumption is
certainly on the increase. Capital has
taken hold of the business, and there are
uow two large bakeries in the city which
turn out pretzels exclusively. They are
now made in a dozen different designs.
A pretzei is made by Soaking the dough
before baking in wood lye ashes which
'•Ives it that crisn and impervious surface.
V pretzel properly make will keep for
.ivo in
IN NATURE'S SOLITUDES.
Within the hollow of the hills
The silent river flows,
Its listless water softly thrills
The flag that in it grows;
Beyond its sloping banks, where bloom’
Red lilies, crimson died,
The low pines cast their fragrant gloom
Along the mountain side.
High peaks beyond them gleam with snow,
Above the rocky line
Where restless winds forever blow,
And sapless mosses shine;
But here, where grasses slowly bend
Before the whispering breeze,
Prom clover tufts to daisies, wend
The pollen-dusted bees.
The birds in yonder maple sing
In low, entrancing notes,
While poised aloft on tireless wing,
A watchful eagle floats;
And higher still, in purple deeps
Of sunlit, summer sky,
Like windless sails where ocean sleeps,
The white clouds moveless lie.
No sign of human life is seen,
And save for bird and bee,
And whisper of the grasses green
Wherewith the wind is free,
There is no sound, and all the place
Is full of peaceful rest,
And that supreme, offaeefitl grace,
Which says, “God knoweth best.”
Yet man will win this listless stream
Sometime to do his will,
And golden harvest sheaves will gleam,
Along yon sloping hill;
And orchard trees, with blossoms sweet, .
Will hear low-spoken words,
What time young folk, with lingering feet,
List to the mating birds.
— T. S. Collier, in Youth’s Companion,
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Lays of spring—Fresh eggs.
A bouncing baby—A rubber doll.
A stern necessity—A boat’s tiller.
Motto for a cooper—“Hoop it tub.” -
Three of a kind—A cow and two
Salves.
In their journey through life many take
the bridal path.
It is not imperative that an omnibus
bill should have a rider.
The stock farmer is a man of good
breeding .—Merchant Traveler.
Employers who would keep upon their
Feet must not allow their hands to bo
idle.
Bill Tell’s boy is remembered in history,
because he hud an arrow escape.— Texas
Siftings.
If none but bakers played the game of
baseball one might readily account for
the muffin’.
Would it be the proper thing to speak
of a literary contest as a “skull race?”—.
The Ocean.
“Better late than never” is hardly a;
suitable motto for the man who travels
much by rail.
The literary reviewer can blow up ft
magazine with entire personal safety.—
Merchant Traveler.
Some merchants appear to get along
swimmingly while others can scarcely
keep themselves afloat.
If you should meet a lion, either hit
him hard or run; don’t stop to stick pins
in him.— Atchison Globe.
It does not augur well for the success
of a social gathering to have many bores
in it.— Baltimore American.
When a good dog points to game the
hunter’s gun is expected to speak to the
point.— New Orleans Picayune.
A youth thought it would be fun
To fool with an unloaded gun.
All friends are invited.
—Merchant Traveler.
Copper tips keep shoes from being run
out at the toes, and men from being run
in at the station house.— Mail and Ex¬
press.
We would like to know if a house
painter by any license of speech can be
ealled a hue-er of wood.— Binghamton
UepuUkan.
Doubtless no true soldier would con¬
sent to act as a fence; and, yet, such a
one has often been known to do picket
duty:— Detroit Free Press.
When a woman steps out on the back
porch with her arms rolled up in her
apron it is a sign to her neighbor that she
has something to tell her.— Atchison
Globe.
A clergyman’s prescription to young
men who desire to get on in the world is
to “mix brains with self-denial.” That’s
good doctrine for those who have tlie
brains to start with.
It seems as if the proper thing to do,
upon discovering the approach of a
cyclone, would be to secrete one’s self in
a cellar and wait for the affair to blow,
over.— Detroit Free Press.
.
Judge “At first you stole $60, and
611 afterward $40. Are you never go
. to do setter. Criminal “Why,
Iu o
5S!? 1 ',, on ?5’ I did better that time by
Fliegende Blaetter.
Bronson—“Why, I thought you knew;
Sammis?” Harkins—“Ido.” Bronson—
‘Well, you didn’t bow as we passed him
a moment ago.” Harkins—“Because I
known him too well.”— Harper's Bazar.
Highwayman—“Hold up your hands!”
Pedestrian—“My dear sir,” I have just
returned from Oklahoma.” “The deuce
you have 1 Well, you can get a good free
lunch on the next block. Good even¬
ing .”—Lincoln Journal.
Judge—“You are charged with run¬
ning a game of chance. What have you
to say?” Accused.—“It was not a game
of chance, yoUr Honor. No outsiders
had the slightest possible chance of win¬
ning .”—Omaha World.
Miss Silly (to her lover)—“You had
better be careful when you come up to
the house now, Charlie. Father has got
a big dog. ” Charlie—“When did he get
him?” “Yesterday. Ho bought him of
Miss Flirty’s father.” “Oh, that dog,
hey? I ain’t afraid of him; he hasn’t any
teeth. ”— Louisville Post.
_ The tive Sitka, Alaska, ,
n “
now numbers about 300 communicants.