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♦ THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2006
A different perspective
Sunday in church I sat
in a different spot than
usual in the choir loft.
Because part of the youth
choir joined us, we altos
were bumped to the third
row with the men. Although
it is just a few inches higher
than the second row, where
I usually sit, it seemed like I
was way up in the air.
From my normal spot, I
have a direct line of sight to
give my older son the eye if
he acts up where he sits with
my mother. With mommy in
the choir and daddy helping
run the sound and video,
he has to mind Ma on the
second row in the congrega
tion. I don’t often have to
give him The Stare, but it’s
handy to be where I can eas
ily see him if I need to.
But from the third row,
everything looked differ
ent. People seemed far away,
and I could see the tops of
people’s heads really well,
especially the gleaming of
my cousin’s bald head.
Then, at Sunday dinner
at my momma’s house, I
wound up sitting in a differ
ent place at the dining room
table. Suffice it to say I was
rather discombobulated by
What are the six perils of retirement?
By David Corbett
Founder, New Directions Inc.
You couldn’t wait to retire.
Now you’ve done it, and your
life feels unhinged. Your cal
endar and email in-box are
empty. Your spouse wants
you to do anything that
involves leaving the house.
And you feel guilty for not
being productive.
Welcome to retirement.
Even those who work part
time after leaving a primary
career, as most people now
do, face major logistical and
psychological challenges.
Retirees who don’t antici
pate these landmines may
learn about them the hard
way. But you can prepare
for them,
Here are six pockets of
turbulence and suggestions
for how to avoid them.
■ 1. Where did the time
go? Retired people often say
they’ve never been so busy
in their lives. But there’s
a difference between being
busy, on the one hand, and
on the other, being engaged
in doing things that satis
fy, help us grow as human
beings, or enable us to help
others.
You may ask, “How did I
get swept up in a bunch of
activities that, to be hon
est, don’t excite me all that
much?”
Certain activities, consid
ered alone, may be good and
worthwhile, but what about
other demands on your
time? everyone has to strike
a balance between commit
ments and keeping the flex
ibility that lets us remain in
control of our time. A key
rule is to reject demands on
your time that don’t fit your
short- or long-term goals.
■ 2. “I used to be . . .”
People often make the
mistake of allowing them
selves to be defined by their
careers. If they fail to diver
sify, they pay the price—
unhappiness—when a career
is pulled away.
For a driven type person
who was a top corporate
executive, it might take a
while to get over the social
awkwardness of not defining
oneself by one’s career. In
reality, you don’t lose your
identity when you quit a job.
You lose that identity; and
you shed one of your identi
ties.
But you know who you
fully are, inside, as a human
being, is deeper. Look at
your identity as a work-in
progress that evolves with
you. Ask questions you may
have thought were answered
once and for all.
Who am I? Do I matter?
What can I do? New answers
yield new purposes when the
old underpinnings are pulled
away.
■ 3. Loss of work-related
social bonds. Even if you’re
making new friends, a key
set of relationships with peo
ple in your life have changed.
Not facing this reality and,
that time.
Actually, I have had to
learn to get used to a totally
new perspective on life for
the past month. It has been
that long since I quit my
job to stay home and home
school my older son. It has
been quite a change for all
of us.
While I know that I have
yet to get a full taste, in
just one
month, of
what life
at home
will be
like, it
has been
interest
ing mak
ing the
transi
tion. First
of all, I
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had to get used to a little
different pace from the fran
tic one I had lived for so
long. I had to decompress
somewhat, and realize that
I didn’t have to feel like two
people anymore.
Perhaps that is the biggest
change. I feel like a whole
person again. I used to say
if I could just clone myself
and send one of me to work
as a result, not taking time
for proper closure with these
relationships, can leave you
feeling rejected when former
colleagues don’t call you up.
That isolation can prevent
you from moving forward in
your life.
Build your new networks
before you leave your job.
Find new social circles. Turn
to family and old friends for
support—and to new friends
and colleagues as well.
■ 4. Loss of support sys
tems. This one is hard for
people who had secretaries,
lots of high-tech office tools
to keep them on track and
assistants to whom they
could delegate tasks.
They may lack the disci
pline or support they need
to get through the day seam
lessly.
Having to replace the
ink cartridge in the printer
or make their own travel
arrangements can drive them
crazy. Self-reliance is simply
the cost of leaving your job.
You have to develop these
skills. Yes you have to think
big and follow dreams—but
you may need to change the
toner cartridge, too.
■ 5. Fractured households.
Marital strain often follows
retirement, which reshapes
intimate relationships.
When both spouses are
“home alone” everyday, ten
sions often arise. Work keeps
spouses apart for much of
the week.
But removing a job doesn’t
mean that the couple has to
spend every minute together.
Discuss this with your mari
tal partner beforehand.
Figure out how much
time you need alone. Decide
which activities will be done
jointly and which individ
ually. Sparks can also fly
when one spouse is primed
to de-emphasize work and
the other wants to keep put
ting in long hours.
Most women who entered
the workforce 1970 to 2000
did so after age thirty-five.
Having begun careers later,
they’re not ready at the
same chronological age as
some men to dream new
dreams—or cast off as camp
cook in a big RV
By being open about your
feelings and respectful of
others you can minimize
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and let one of me stay home
I would be happy. After all,
I enjoyed my job, but I love
my family and home. For so
long, I was used to going to
work and then trying to come
home and shift gears and be
a good wife and mother.
Now, I don’t have to feel
like a split person anymore.
I can focus on my home and
family without also keeping
up with outside job responsi
bilities. Does this mean that
I am all of a sudden a super
housekeeper? Um, no. Come
take one look at my house
and you will quickly know
the answer to that one.
However, it is wonderful
to know that what I don’t
get done today I can work on
tomorrow, and don’t have to
wait and hope I will have the
energy on the weekend or
my next day off to do it.
Just like a new seat in the
choir loft, life looks differ
ent from here. It’s slower, at
least as slow as two active
little boys will allow it to be,
and it’s infinitely better.
From where I sit, this
is where I’m supposed to
be. For how long, only God
knows, but for as long as it
is, I will be thankful.
these strains. Recognize
the need to amend precon
ceived plans and find some
middle ground when choices
conflict. If it seems tough,
remember that we’re deal
ing with essentially a new
stage of the marital relation
ship.
■ 6. Guilt. You may feel
as though you are cheating
your family out of money
by not working. Instead of
enjoying a movie during
the afternoon, you may feel
as though you should be at
work.
Among men, guilt may be
linked to a socially condi
tioned premise that a man
who is not productive is not
a man.
Remember, lots of terrible
people have been very pro
ductive. And many poets,
mystics and saints who left
the world better than they
found it appeared to do
nothing.
If you want to feel produc
tive, give some full atten
tion to your gifts, needs and
goals, perhaps to the ben
efit of others. Examine your
assumptions. Enjoy whatev
er you do.
People who have it tough
est during the post-career
phase of life generally did
not anticipate, prepare or
plan for it.
Sadly, people are still
deluded into thinking that
rest, leisure, and recreation
will be enough or that retire
ment will evolve by itself.
They are at risk of being
bored and without a pur
pose. Find a passion. Live
that passion. It may add
years to your life.
Finally, remember to
introduce change bit by bit.
Challenge so-called “facts”
and be willing to change
habits.
See life as new each and
every day. Be grateful for it.
Find ways to stay energized
and optimistic. The evidence
shows that such an attitude
can make a difference.
David Corbett is the
founder of New Directions,
Inc., in Boston, and author
of Portfolio Life: the New
Path to Work, Purpose, and
Passion After 50, published
by Jossey Bass. Visit him
online at www.portfoliolife
book.com.
w.
LOCAL
From Rwanda to Durfur
The demonstrators
had extraordinary
moral credibility.
Last week in Kigali,
Rwanda, survivors of
the 1994 Rwanda geno
cide called on the United
Nations and world leaders
to act to end the continuing
genocide in Sudan’s west
ern Darfur region.
“We survivors stand
with the victims in
Darfur,” Rwandan Freddy
Umutanguha told The Irish
Independent. “We know
what it is like to lose our
mothers, fathers, brothers,
sisters, sons and daugh
ters.”
In April 1994, Hutu-led
mobs and militias began
slaughtering 800,000 moth
ers, fathers, sons and daugh
ters - mostly Tutsi tribes
people, though Rwandan
Hutus who opposed the
killers were also slain. The
murder campaign contin
ued for three months.
Since February 2003, at
least 250,000 people have
been killed in Darfur.
Another 2.5 million have
been displaced.
In February 2004, reflect
ing on Rwanda’s genocide,
U.N. Secretary General Kofi
Annan said: “There can be
no more binding obligation
for the international com
munity than the preven
tion of genocide. ... The
events in Rwanda ... were
especially shameful. The
international community
clearly had the capacity to
prevent those events, but
failed to summon the will.
... We must ensure that we
never again fail to summon
the will.” Lack of political
will and lack of credible
military power contributed
to the Rwandan disaster.
A U.N. peacekeeping force
deployed to Rwanda in 1993
to monitor a ceasefire agree
ment between the Rwandan
government and a Tutsi
rebel group, the Rwandan
Patriotic Front (RPF). I am
not convinced that small
and lightly armed force
could have done much -
there were too few of them,
and the genocidal attacks
quickly spread throughout
Rwanda.
However, Canadian Gen.
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Romeo Dallaire, the U.N.
force commander, now
believes early, decisive action
against the Hutu extrem
ists who led the genocide
would have thwarted their
plans. Dallaire’s U.N. troops
would have been interven
ing in a Rwandan civil war,
but in retrospect he thinks
that was the least-terrible
choice.
The peacekeepers did
not intervene, however.
Belgium withdrew its con
tingent when 10 soldiers
were killed. U.N. leaders
dithered for weeks before
voting to reinforce the mis
sion, sending too little, too
late.
The mounting death toll
in Darfur tests Annan’s
mm aIH
Austin Bay
Military Affairs
Creators Syndicate
cannot protect the vulner
able from dedicated killers -
- that job demands soldiers.
Annan knows this.
Annan, with the support of
the United States and Great
Britain, wants to reinforce
the hapless, ineffective
African Union peacekeep
ing force now in Darfur.
In August, the Security
Council approved a U.N.-
led force.
But the resolution
“invites” the consent of
the Sudanese government
in Khartoum to approve
deploying U.N. troops.
Khartoum interpreted
the diplo-speak “invites” to
mean it could nix a U.N.
force. Sudan said, “No,
thanks,” and called a U.N.
force in Darfur “a European
imperialist invasion. “
Scratch “imperialist,” and
Khartoum’s killers have
the trace of a legitimate
case, for a credible U.N.
military force entering
Darfur would be invading
to halt- Khartoum’s state
sponsored policy of ethnic
cleansing.
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Mao Zedong’s rule of
thumb - people are like
water, and a guerrilla army
like fish swimming in the
human pool - influenced
Rwanda’s Hutu radicals.
The genocidaires believed
mass murder would elimi
nate “the ethnic pool” sup
porting rebel Tutsis.
Pursuing a simi
lar goal with similar
means, Khartoum has its
“Janjaweed” militia proxies
ravage, then torch, villages
it suspects support Darfur
rebel factions.
Ending the Darfur geno
cide means terminating
Khartoum’s savage policy.
That means peacekeeping
forces combating the mili
tias would be waging war
against allies of the “host”
Sudanese government.
Rwanda’s pro-interven
tion demonstrators have
moral credibility borne of
unspeakable suffering.
Credible combat power -
- well-armed, well-led, well
supported soldiers with
full authority to use deci
sive, deadly force - can be
deployed in Darfur.
That credible combat
power must be backed by
credible leaders, however.
That means leaders with
the spine to intervene
despite Khartoum’s intran
sigence and leaders with
the grit to continue this
difficult mission when (it is
inevitable) the fighting gets
dirty, good soldiers die and
tragic mistakes occur.
Despite Annan’s fine
words, outside of London
and Washington such lead
ership is not in evidence.
Until it appears, “the
international community”
deserves to be shamed.
To find out more about
Austin Bay, and read fea
tures by other Creators
Syndicate writers and car
toonists, visit the Creators
Syndicate Web page at www.
creators.com.
stirring
words.
But
when it
comes to
ending
geno
cide,
words
require
swords.
Fine
words
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